My Transition

31 yrs. Hello there! Welcome to my documented transition. -T date 04/27/15- Top surgery 03/02/18 Hysto/partial vaginectomy 08/31/2021

[deceptageist]

18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI

posting myself finally….just got top surgery a few weeks ago and my hips look ever more grabbable now i feel.

[kayden-skylars-transition]

Hoping you heal well!

[wrenderart]

A tribute to the transmasc body

[kayden-skylars-transition]

Time passes so fast the older I am getting. I did not plan on living to this age, for a lot of reasons. Often I still feel trapped inside of my body, but it's not quite the same as it was before I had gender affirming surgeries and started testosterone. I do however, feel an obligation to live. I shouldn't say an obligation though, to be frank. It feels forced. Life has always felt forced. Nonetheless, transitioning granted me a bit more comfort in this vessel I'm stuck inside of. My health issues cause me the most discomfort these days in comparison. I have suspicion of multiple potential health concerns going under the radar, going undiagnosed, and dismissed as if doctors have no interest in figuring out what is happening. What is discouraging is that the more I see doctors, the more tests that I have, the more certain that I become that I will never get the answers I need in order to manage what is going on. That is the thing though, there is so much going on it is hard to track. There is so much going on and it has been going on for so long I can have pain for hours, days, or weeks, and maybe notice it here or there but it is in the background, muffled, and to top it all off, the brain fog is brutal. It is a mighty force I fight, and it is exhausting.

I can see the positive sometimes. I am fortunate I had the opportunity to come out as my true self, convince family members to change views on transgender people, and of course it goes without saying (but I should say it anyway), I had the privilege to medically and socially transition. I had the privilege to move away from Wyoming and start my life over in a new place, and get away from the place I got sick. I do not anticipate to heal completely, that would be irrational. I have learned a lot though, and I can acknowledge that I have had a lot of fortune and privilege just in that I was able to transition at all. I got to remove the blobs of shit from my chest, I was able to remove the baby maker I did not want...I was able to receive the changes my little self wanted so badly. Sometimes I think about little Kayden, or "Juli", how stoked he would have been if I had gotten to tell him personally that he would get what he wanted someday and to just hold on a little while longer. He would jump for joy and cry happy tears. He would have been proud, and he is.

Maybe someday I will have answers for my health concerns but for now I get to sit back and wonder...

[madeofklay]

HEY EVERYONE, I have been approved to get top surgery! I'm still in the works scheduling, and thankfully I have insurance, but it's still gonna be a pretty penny out of pocket. SO if you want to pitch in to help me out, here's my Ko-fi account! <3

>>>>>Help Klay get Top Surgery fund! <<<<<

[kayden-skylars-transition]

I ordered myself a fascination sleeve from Gender Cat. I'll update eventually on how I feel about it once it arrives. Excited, because I've never used something like this on my dick.

[kayden-skylars-transition]

I promised I would update after receiving the fascination sleeve, so I am here to follow through! It took around 6 days to get to me, although according to the website, that can vary so I would not expect it to show up that quickly for everyone. The size I got is the 3/4th inch and I got the ridges for the texture. They offer bumps or ridges, and ridges feel more like the inside of a vagina to me, so I found that was the better option. I have used it once and I liked it a lot. I mostly got it to get my t dick a little bigger. Wow though, it was huge 🍆 last night.

[kayden-skylars-transition]

What a tempting shirt to buy, lol.

Mercury Stardust Collab: Run on Spite Crewneck T-shirt

Sometimes, there's nothing quite as motivating as pure, undiluted spite. Don't let them underestimate you. All proceeds from this collaborat

[kayden-skylars-transition]

I ordered myself a fascination sleeve from Gender Cat. I'll update eventually on how I feel about it once it arrives. Excited, because I've never used something like this on my dick.

[kayden-skylars-transition]

9 years on testosterone this next month! (On April 27th, 2024)

[kayden-skylars-transition]

I got some American eagle boxers and I'm...I'm so happy with them. They feel so nice and comfortable. My junk is happy too! 🍆

[shrews-things]

Things about top surgery that I didn't expect (double incision)

It hurt so much less right after waking up than I thought it would, it was similar to pneumonia lung pain like kind of a burning sensation

Wasn't hard or upsetting to get used to my new look!! Also there isn't an ounce of regret in me, I thought I'd have some at least in the first few weeks

I had a the posture of a shrimp for like two whole weeks from that compression garment

It itches as it heals which is fucked up bc I can't feel shit in any of it and also when I try to gently pat it to make the itch go away, I can't feel that either so it doesn't help :')

I'm like 5 weeks post-op and I still can't raise my arms above my head gdkdhskhdn

Still reaching for a bra or binder out of habit when getting dressed

It still feels like I'm somehow??? Hiding my chest???? Like when I was still just binding, I still go like "oh this is a good outfit, it hides my chest well" boy you haven't got a chest to hide

The urge to pull out the loose ends of my dissolvable stitches,,,,

[kayden-skylars-transition]

Recommendation for anyone going through recovery from top surgery: allergy meds help with the itching. I used benedryl but I didn't know about Cetirizine (Zyrtec but off brand works) at the time and Cetirizine is non-drowsy. 🙂

[shrews-things]

:0 thank you, I'll try it!!

[kayden-skylars-transition]

You're welcome! I hope it helps. It was a suggestion I saw back in 2018 from another person who said it helped them. I wish more doctors would recommend it for post surgeries such as this.

[kayden-skylars-transition]

I want to add something. I have heard recently that benadryl is being linked to early onset dementia, so anyone wanting to use an allergy med post top surgery, I highly do NOT recommend benadryl and to stick to cetirizine/Zyrtec.

[shrews-things]

Things about top surgery that I didn't expect (double incision)

It hurt so much less right after waking up than I thought it would, it was similar to pneumonia lung pain like kind of a burning sensation

Wasn't hard or upsetting to get used to my new look!! Also there isn't an ounce of regret in me, I thought I'd have some at least in the first few weeks

I had a the posture of a shrimp for like two whole weeks from that compression garment

It itches as it heals which is fucked up bc I can't feel shit in any of it and also when I try to gently pat it to make the itch go away, I can't feel that either so it doesn't help :')

I'm like 5 weeks post-op and I still can't raise my arms above my head gdkdhskhdn

Still reaching for a bra or binder out of habit when getting dressed

It still feels like I'm somehow??? Hiding my chest???? Like when I was still just binding, I still go like "oh this is a good outfit, it hides my chest well" boy you haven't got a chest to hide

The urge to pull out the loose ends of my dissolvable stitches,,,,

[kayden-skylars-transition]

Recommendation for anyone going through recovery from top surgery: allergy meds help with the itching. I used benedryl but I didn't know about Cetirizine (Zyrtec but off brand works) at the time and Cetirizine is non-drowsy. 🙂

[shrews-things]

:0 thank you, I'll try it!!

[kayden-skylars-transition]

You're welcome! I hope it helps. It was a suggestion I saw back in 2018 from another person who said it helped them. I wish more doctors would recommend it for post surgeries such as this.

[kayden-skylars-transition]

I want to add something. I have heard recently that benadryl is being linked to early onset dementia, so anyone wanting to use an allergy med post top surgery, I highly do NOT recommend benadryl and to stick to cetirizine/Zyrtec.

[hamletteprinceofdenmark]

One day in 2019, I had pain so bad I went to the ER.

My gut felt like there were red hot needles and knifes being stabbed into it. I felt nauseous. I felt faint. I very nearly threw up.

It was not the first time I felt this way but it was the worst I’d ever felt. I’d been getting increasingly bad pain for over a year and I had gone to countless doctors trying to determine what it was.

The doctors at the ER — thankfully — took me seriously. They determined I had a severely infected gallbladder and the only way to save my life was to have surgery to remove it.

I still had to give consent before the surgery.

I remember being terrified. I was alone. There was no one to help me. And somehow, even though the only course of action I could take was to consent to the surgery the fact that I had to before they could take action made it all the more terrifying. The consequences of the surgery would mean I would live, but I’d never quite be the same. I felt cheated by my own body. Why was it this way? Why couldn’t I be healthy? Functional? Why wasn’t my body working with me?

The nurses, doctors, and surgeons there were all incredibly kind to me.

One surgeon in particular — the one who ended up operating on me — said something that will stick with me for the rest of my life. “Your body is there to help you. Sometimes, when part of the body is no longer helping you, the best thing to do is cut it away. You’ll be so much happier after the surgery. You won’t be in pain anymore.”

I think about that a lot.

I think about it a lot when I see trans men begging for help to get top surgery and are met with resistance or well meaning but ignorant messages begging back to not “mutilate” their body.

I think about my surgeon, who was so kind to me and knew what to say when I was scared and crying and alone in my hospital bed.

Your body is there to help you.

Sometimes, when part of the body is no longer helping you, the best thing to do is cut it away.

You’ll be so much happier after the surgery.

You won’t be in pain anymore.

I hope you get your top surgery.

I hope you will be so much happier.

And I hope the pain will end.

[kayden-skylars-transition]

Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing this...

[kayden-skylars-transition]

When I was born, I had this mark on the top of my head; a weird scar or scab that never healed or grew hair on it. At the age of seven I was convinced by the adults around me, mostly my mom and doctors, that it would be a good idea to try and remove it. It didn't work, and made it more apparent. It took my entire childhood to learn how to properly cover the scar with my hair. That is why I always have my hair cut the way I do–so I can hide it (plus then it is protected from the sun). I'm not really ashamed of it so much anymore, but kids weren't exactly nice about it.

I like to share thirst traps!

[kayden-skylars-transition]

I have not been keeping up with working out since my return to work in August. I spend all of my energy on working, so I have not had spare energy to workout. Nonetheless, the top part of my abdomen still has definition. I decided to take a few pictures while using my THC vape before bed, so if my eyes look droopy, it's also because I just worked all day and I'm exhausted. I don't know how life is going to turn out. I'm not getting anywhere. I keep hitting walls and struggling to climb over them. We all have our struggles of course. I will be 29 years old this year. I was hoping to be done with my gender affirming surgeries before my 30's. The surgeons I would be going through at UW are booking consultations (not the procedure) over a year and a half out. I do not know how long the waitlist is to get the operation scheduled, but with the consultations being that far out, I can only imagine. I'm happy I was able to get my hysterectomy/vaginectomy. A big worry I do have is as American Healthcare collapses more and more the more likely hormones will be to go on backorder. That means scary things for people like me. I will keep trying to look forward but with a broken system, I constantly expect the worst. I worry about losing housing all of the time since I live paycheck to paycheck.

[caintooth]

Please don’t get a mastectomy. You are clearly not making a sound mental decision. Genuinely do not have an elective amputation that is entirely unnecessary. Do not permanently remove a functioning healthy body part because you hate your body. Your feelings may change one day but you can never have your body parts back again

not only am i going to get my tits cut off, i’m going to enjoy it the entire time. i’m going to get off on it. and after i’ve enjoyed the intentional, erotic dissection of my flesh, i’m gonna go to the beach. and i’m gonna take my shirt off to show off the scars where they cut into me, and i’ll laugh so fucking hard. and when i laugh, stranger, it’s gonna be at you.

[kayden-skylars-transition]

I did it and I'm happy with my decision. It was the best life changing decision I ever made at 23 years old. I no longer have dysphoria because of my tits. I was going to remove them myself and I am alive because of the gender affirming surgery. It is amazing that people will try to tell another person what not to do with their body.

[honeysucklebuttons]

The tweet: https://twitter.com/Lionhearted_ben/status/1629919975203848192?t=HfF1j3BVqZMgZEIHgVnz3w&s=19

And in case Twitter is being a fool, here's the PDF itself: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1PiO5JAc2_erXL9rEPU-Gj4DXQ3N0dTbe/view

Shout-out to a friend for showing me this!!

[auvtre]

david, commission. 2019

i am aware that this piece of mine has been re-posted a thousand times, but now you can re-blog it from the original artist! :~D

edit: since people asked you can now get a print of this here!