Ich spreche kein Deutsch

I kind of know what I am doing. I work with drugs. DeDe

[funnytwittertweets]

[what-even-is-thiss]

The women in science sticker adds a certain flavor to this that I can’t quite describe

[tiktokstowatch]

[not-buggy]

Customer: *Squilliam voice* On your lunch break, Squiddy? Employee: *Squidward voice* Squilliam Fancyson from band class?! Customer: Still playing the cash register, are we? *Squilliam laugh*

[kazieka]

issue: the kittens are still trying to learn words. gus knows his name and daisy knows hers, but they don’t seem to quite grasp that when I say “babies!” im referring to both of them.

hypothesis: “babies” is too similar to “daisy” and they’re getting confused

test: start saying “gamers” instead

Outcome: they’re understanding it and it’s hysterically funny

[kazieka]

me, calling down the hall from stirring a can of cat food: LET’S GO, GAMERS

the kittens:

[epilepticsaints]

[grimeclown]

My god. There’s boobs in dorohedoro

[grimeclown]

No fucking way

[sliversoakley3-deactivated20220]

[woodrider]

this is real btw and they put stuff like this on their sign all the time

[heedra]

i’ve mixed cranberry mikes harder and cucumber lime gatorade into a drink i like to call “the flavor” because like. you drink this shit and your tongue is like “there’s a taste here. you are experiencing a flavor” but when you go to open the door there’s no flavor there. it comes back with an undefined error in the flavor column. it’s the missingno of flavors. it so absolutely and definitely tastes like something and that thing is nothing.

[xgutter-glitterx]

im going to make this brb

[xgutter-glitterx]

okay so i found a gas station that had the stuff so i made it

diagnosis: it tastes?

[tenorgender]

this post reminds me of that one time a coldstone employee i knew by the name of jacob fucked up the ratios or something on a watermelon yogurt sorbet and produced an ice cream that genuinely tasted like nothing. not bland not water but nothing - like, the texture was perfect, your mouth reacted as if it was slightly tangy like most sorbets, but you actually tasted nothing at all. and if you mixed it with something it didn’t taste like 100% the other flavor either, it tasted like 50% that flavor and 50% nothing. like a distinct and identifiable lack of taste. my brain trying to comprehend the total absence of flavor became so overwhelming that i quit ¾ of the way into one scoop. we called it the jacob’s special and every day i long for its return

[lemonsweet-moved]

Why do ppl keep saying that they make a mean dish why's it gonna be mean why does every thing have to be evil 😔 so much hate in the world

[girlballs-archive]

i make a tender, caring roast chicken that'll kiss you so so much

[indoorvoices]

I make a mac n cheese so good you could fuck it

[cowboyviolence]

Calling characters with an unknown last name the name of the thing they're from (like sans undertale) is very funny but I think its funnier when people do it with a character whose last name is very much known

[cowboyviolence]

Jesus Bible

[valtsv]

they call me "the thing in the catacombs that kills people" because i'm a thing in the catacombs and i kill people

[ryangoslingofficial-deactivated]

[unbotheredmuse]

[ndiecity-deactivated20241101]

goes to facebook.com and it redirects me to the spirit halloween website

[notkatniss]

Why did he retweet this I want to study his brain

[tastefullyoffensive]

[jimkirks]

[beachdeath]