[fic]: six years and all I wanted was you : kdrama secret santa, reply 1997
@dramajib - I am your appallingly tardy Secret Santa for @kdramasecretsanta, and I am sorry!
Six years and the first thing Shi Won thinks when she sees Yoon Yoon Jae is that he looks like a kid wearing his father’s suit. And that he looked guilty. Good.
She makes him pay for her coffee.
While he talks haltingly about his job in a polite, stilted Seoul accent, she scans his face and looks for the Yoon Jae she knows. Six years and he didn’t return any of her messages or pick up when she called. Six years of going home and finding out she had just missed him by a day. Her mother kept on saying how mature Yoon Jae looked. How handsome.
She stares at him while he avoids eye contact and thinks, What a slippery bastard.
~
Six whole years of missing him, hearing bits and pieces from everyone else and trying not to scream and just nodding as Joon Hee told her how well he was doing.
“I don’t care,” she said. “He’s dead the next time I see him.”
Joon Hee sighed. “I know he made a mistake, but he cares about you still.”
“He doesn’t answer my messages and avoids me everytime he’s back. He’s a coward and a liar.”
“I forgot how long you hold a grudge.”
“Ya, he still talks to you. For someone who says he likes me, he shows it in a funny way.”
“Is that why you’re mad?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. It’s just…Yoon Jae is dumb,” she spits.
Joon Hee was quiet. “Yeah,” he said finally. “He is.”
Shi Won bit her lip. Right. “I’m sorry, Joon Hee.”
Shi Won looks across the table and wants to hit Yoon Jae for being so clueless – so careless. It was so obvious now that Tae Woong Oppa really did get all the superior genes. Why couldn’t she have fallen for him? It would almost be as good as being with Tony oppa.
Well, if her sister hadn’t fallen for him first.
“Do I have something on my face?” Yoon Jae says lightly. “You’re burning a hole.”
“Shut up,” she says low and furious. “You don’t get to pretend nothing’s happened. We’ve all changed.”
“I know that,” he says. “We’re adults now.”
“So why didn’t you talk to me? Everyone but me. You said the silent treatment was stupid and childish. So why did you do it to me? You were my best friend.”
Yoon Jae opens his mouth and then closes it. Shi Won finishes her coffee and picks up the tray Yoon Jae’s paid for.
“Six years,” she says. “You were my very first kiss and you practically lived in my house, and my parents like you better than they like me – and you’re supposed to be the smart one, why are you so stupid?”
She’s rambling and it should embarrass her but all she feels is the weight of everything unsaid between them. How Tae Woong Oppa’s expectations feel like a betrayal of her sister and how she wishes it was someone else saying those cheesy things. That she doesn’t want Daddy Long Legs, but someone she could fight with and laugh and cry with and who would see her at the most embarrassing point in her life – and still love her anyway. Like she loved H.O.T.
“I was your first kiss? Really?” Yoon Jae says.
“You know my father. When would I be dating? Of course you were.”
“Yeah. Oh,” she say sarcastically. She feels a little better now. “I’m going now.”
“Yes. My office mates need their coffee.”
“Ah. Well. It was nice –”
“Don’t bother. You didn’t for six years, don’t start that crap again.”
“Sung Shi Won,” Yoon Jae says, exasperated. “I wanted to, okay? Of course I wanted to talk to you. Damn it.”
He loosens his tie and sighs in frustration. “Do you know how hard it was? Not seeing you? I –” he closes his eyes. “I wanted to.”
“But you didn’t,” she presses him. “And your words don’t count for shit.”
“Ya!” Yoon Jae yells, finally losing his cool.
“What? You’re raising your voice at me? Are you crazy?” She slams the tray down, splashing coffee onto the table. The other customers look at them and Yoon Jae’s face flames with embarrassment. “Look,” he says, calmer. “Do you remember what you told your dad what your goal was in life?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“What did you say, Shi Won.”
“God, I was seventeen, we all say stupid things when we’re seventeen.”
“What did you say.” Yoon Jae’s looking at her like she remembers and it makes her feel – warm. Warmer than hot chocolate and singing her favorite song in the noraebang and listening to a H.O.T album for the very first time. Shi Won looks at him defiantly. “I said I wanted to be Tony Oppa’s wife.”
Yoon Jae smiles. “And I decided I wanted to be Sung Shi Won’s husband.” He returns her gaze. “I said that at seventeen, too.”
It turns out that Yoon Jae and I are too stubborn and ill-suited for anyone else. He has no fashion sense and doesn’t know how to swim and is pretty hopeless, despite being super smart and an almost judge. I’m noisy and blunt and I say things without thinking about how it sounds and I won’t lose my Busan accent for anyone – but funnily enough, it was obvious to everyone else but us – that we were exactly what the other one needed.
So I generally hate time skips in drama, even when I logically understand the need for the plot to move along, but the six year gap when Yoon Jae and Shi Won didn’t talk to each other just never sat right with me. And I needed a scene where they could just bust up in their own way - any other couple that fought and were so volatile I would be like hmmmm maybe you two shouldn’t be together in that way, you know what I mean? But there was just something about these two that overrode my usual dislike for that kind of dynamic. And this was my first Reply series and my favorite one (before I got real tired of the schtick of guess the husband and oh let’s troll you for an hour debacle that the later series became) and Shi Won is probably my favorite Reply heroine overall as well. She’s a mess but she’s got a good heart and is so loyal and steadfast and blatantly clear with who she loves and what – and I can see how her personality informs her fangirling and vice versa. And I always thought Yoon Jae was quite clearly the obvious endgame choice, so the whole oppa thing really annoyed me (plus again how creepy with Tae Woong essentially transferring his emotions to his girlfriend’s younger sister? Bad writer! No biscuit!) and Shi Won is her own person, damn it.
I’m so sorry that this posted much later than I wanted to post it. Merry Christmas and happy new year to you!
