I'm 5'5 and 260 lbs... @keep-quiet-itsasecret - Tumblr Blog

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I had food today. I'm weak. It was less than yesterday but way more than I wanted. Working from home makes it so hard sometimes not to constantly eat. My plan tomorrow is to cut it down even further, and I really need to up my water intake...

#anorexia #bulimic #depression #i want to disappear #i wanna be skin and bones #i want to diiieeee #i wanna be thin #i wanna scream #im fat and disgusting #im fat #binge eating #anxitey #anxious #ana

lieslustandpixiedust

Pro-Ana Tips&Tricks✨✨

..Okay so this title is super misleading bc this is NOT me helping anyone get more in their head about how to aggressively lose weight, but instead it’s how to take care of yourself when the literal only way to live is through starvation bc you’re the most disgusting and ugly human being on the planet.

Sooooo ergo my list of ways to self-care when you have to choose your battles between health and self-love (feel free to reblog and add more this will be very helpful for myself also)

1) Take your vitamins !!!!!!!!!!!!!! every!!!!!!! day!!!!!!!!!!

2) Buy yourself a nice convenient water bottle/cup that you can get emotionally attached to that also fits your aesthetic like starbucks iced cups are really good for this or like swell bottles, something that makes you feel cool but that can comfort you also, maybe this is like some weird infant bottle thing but it just helps and also helps the environment by cutting down on your plastic water bottles since you’re obviously drinking a lot of water all day

3) Invest in a heat blanket. you will thank me later I promise

4) buy a plant, take care of it, treat it like you wish you could treat yourself, give it a name and love it.

5) Find someone to talk to who wont judge you for your actions and who actually! understands your thoughts and feelings (this one is so important I promise) ((ideally this would be someone you physically can be around, not someone you met online. Online friends are great and just as great as people you meet in real life but it’s very easy to underestimate how unhealthy you may be getting. Someone in person will seriously know if you’re about to die or not which is important, no matter how much you believe otherwise)

6) Decide that there is a specific number weight that would be taking it too far. Even if this number is 15lbs and you’ll die before you get there, consciously thinking and understanding and deciding that there actually is too small a number on the scale for you to be comfortable with can help a lot with recovery eventually and also a practical mindset for when loosing weight.

7) Do at least a small amount of make-up every day. This may seem pointless and can also get to the point where you never want to leave the house without it but it helps with the self love, taking time in front of a mirror and doing things that aren’t unhealthy like putting on mascara and believing that it does actually improve the situation means you aren’t actually a lost cause when it comes to beauty.

8) Wash your face every night, commit to a skincare routine and stick with it! Occasionally use masks/ face scrubs on special occasions.

9) Find a creative outlet i.e coloring, drawing, music, writing, photography

10) Try your best to keep your bedroom/ personal spaces clean

11) Develop daily rituals for things that aren’t food-related. I.e making your bed every morning, always lighting a candle when in your bedroom, watering your plant that I made you get every morning. This helps to give you control over more things then just your weight.

12) Make a list of foods that don’s gross you out!! It’s so sooooo easy to write off cliche foods as disgusting I’m not going to give any negative examples bc everyone is different and I don’t want to project but anyway eventually you will absolutely hate even the idea of these foods and get grossed out even when other people eat it but if you make a list for yourself of foods that are cute or comfortable or you get positive reactions when you eat them then it’ll help with eating in front of other people and also feeling normal in social events. Examples of my comfortable/cute foods are gummy candies, like mini gummy worms or watermelon sour patch bc other people get excited and want to share when I have them and it becomes a cool thing that I’m known for always having and it’s sweet and cute and not gross and greasy. I also eat puffs, which is veryyyy low in calories and also baby food so when people see me eat it they think of me as small or dainty or easily satisfied by very small amounts of food. I also feel comfortable eating most Asian culture foods because the calories are normally lower and although portions are sometimes very large it’s nice to have control over eating very little of it also chopsticks slow your eating down a lotttt.

13) Post/Take more pictures of yourself. Even if you aren’t getting any responses/likes/comments from people it’s the same concept of putting on make-up every day. You do something, and no matter how much effort or time it takes from you, eventually you think to yourself “Hey this picture isn’t as terrible as all the others and I’m at least a little comfortable with how I look even if I need to edit and filter the hell out of it first” idk how to accurately explain this but consciously thinking that you look better than before is good! because it’s a positive enough thought about your physical beauty.

💖There’s so much more that I could put in this but that’s all I can think of right now I hope this helps other people also. I really don’t pretend to know more than the next person but I know what helps me soooo please add more of your own things! I love each and every one of you and I’m always here for support if you need it. Stay safe and take care of yourself as best as you can💖!

ossdratking

I feel like no one realizes the intense guilt that comes with every shitty suicidal thought

aspergersissues

real-demons

I can hear and feel my tummy growls... and Im ecstatic

#i wanna be thin #depression #anorexa #anxitey #i want to diiieeee #i want to disappear

Last night i decided to start punishing myself when i eat a lot. I took a freezing shower last night and tonight i stood in a tub full of cold water freezing my feet til they were numb... will i learn? Probably not.