Heya, I’m Kem! (he/they) This is where I share my gaming shenanigans. I like RPGs, angst, and making my OCs suffer.
Current focus is generally Star Wars: The Old Republic, with a side hyperfixation of Baldur's Gate 3. You can also expect to see content from Lord of the Rings Online, Elder Scrolls Online, Fallout 4, and Secret World Legends.
I’m an avid screenshotter/virtual photographer, so expect many screenshots as well as the occasional gifset. I also spend far too much time, effort, and money playing pixel dress-up with my characters. With SWTOR at 32 possible outfits, I might just be able to sate my outfit needs there (other games still need to get with it).
More notably in my opinion, I'm a passionate writer with more fanfic ideas than I think I'll ever actually be able to write. Again, most of my fics have been SWTOR in nature, but I'm dipping my metaphorical toes into some BG3 writing as well. I have a handy page for my published fics here.
If you’re interested in learning more about my OCs, feel free to check out my characters page, or peruse their tags. Main non-OC blorbos are Gale Dekarios, Lord Scourge, and Malavai Quinn. I have Thoughts and Feelings and Headcanons.
Other places you can find me (though I’m most active here):
kemendin_ (instagram)
Kemendin (AO3)
Navigation/helpful tags below cut:
#kem rambles - general talking
#kem oc - anything related to my own characters
#kem writes - for fic words I write, including WIP blurbs
#kem fics - completed writings
#kem screenshots - I take pictures
#kem gifs - I make gifs
#kem arts - for when I occasionally do the doodle thing
#kem plays dress up - outfits galore across all my games
#kem does swtor building - SWTOR housing adventures
#kem does fallout building - Fallout housing adventures
When a critical mission for the Empire goes wrong, MALAVAI QUINN and LORD KHEL SUTEK find themselves lost behind enemy lines in the inhospitable ice-wilds of ILUM. With only each other to rely on, and their recently-formed relationship still relatively untested, the strain of survival under such circumstances is bound to cause a few cracks. But for two men with life-long tendencies towards walling themselves away - perhaps a few cracks are just what they need in order to start sharing things they've long kept inside.
Malavai Quinn x Light Side Sith Warrior
Words: 18900
A/N: Finally, finally, this is done. Between shifting my hyperfixation to Baldur's Gate 3 and my growing disillusionment towards the more recent SWTOR situation/updates, plus real life kinda handing it to me lately, I just did not get back to this fic when I meant to. Thank you to everyone who's patiently waited and encouraged me over the *checks watch* almost two years this has been sitting unfinished - I appreciate you. Enjoy!
Read on AO3 (short excerpt below cut)
Quinn slid a tense glance down towards the brilliant blade humming only centimetres from his neck, and swallowed.
He allowed himself a speedy moment to consider his options. If he were alone, it would have been only his own life at risk; or if accompanied by other ready soldiers, he might have formulated some way of turning the tables on the situation. But it was only him and Khel here, and the Sith was in no fit state to stand up, let alone fight off a Jedi. And as far as Quinn was concerned, Khel’s welfare was top priority.
Malavai pursed his lips, and at length, with extreme reluctance, he let his blaster clatter to the icy floor.
“Aren’t you an obedient fellow,” the Jedi mused pleasantly from behind him. “I suppose there’s something to be said for that Imperial training - blindly following orders, and all of that.”
Quinn felt a muscle twitch peevishly in his jaw. But he kept quiet, refusing to be goaded into giving his enemy any satisfaction.
“Now,” the Jedi continued on. “If you would be so kind as to give me a count of your merry little band, and where they all are, we can get this unpleasantness over with as quickly as possible. You’ll all be well treated, I assure you.”
The man sounded confident, but not cocky - an irritating distinction which meant that Quinn was unlikely to bluff his way out of this.
“And here I thought you were a Jedi,” he snipped back loftily, playing for time. “Can’t you just - sense them?”
But even as he spoke, it dawned on him - if the Jedi were able to sense other intruders, he would not instead be standing here, politely requesting information on their whereabouts.
“Funny thing about these temples, actually,” the Jedi drawled thoughtfully from behind him. “Some of the crystals you see around you have a certain resonance in the Force. It causes a kind of interference, makes it difficult to identify individual lifesigns.”
Quinn almost let himself blink in surprise. Were he in the other’s position, he would never have divulged such a notable vulnerability to an enemy. But he wondered - was this what Khel had ‘heard’ when they had first entered the temple?
As though sensing Malavai’s thoughts - had he? - the Jedi added, “Oh, don’t worry. I guarantee you won’t have the opportunity to pass that little tidbit along to your superiors. But I do like to encourage a good learning experience whenever I can. A longstanding habit of mine, I’m afraid.”
But Quinn’s mind was churning now. The makeshift camp was out of sight from his present position; if this Jedi was truly unable to sense Khel through the Force, then Quinn still had a chance. He could send the enemy away from his lord on the pretext of revealing his fellow Imperials, lead him deeper into the temple, and then -
Well. He would figure the rest out as he went.
He opened his mouth to speak - and just then a third voice, thin with weariness, echoed uncertainly down the passageway.
“Quinn? Quinn, are you out there?”
Malavai swore to himself - not aloud, but it was a near thing. He tensed in expectation of the Jedi’s response to the ill-timed call. Ready to dive for his blaster, or if necessary employ his fists - lightsaber at his neck be damned.
But to his utter bewilderment, the lightsaber in question was suddenly withdrawn, and a faint chuckle flitted across his shoulder.
“Ohhhh, the Force has a sense of humour today,” the Jedi murmured drily. Quinn felt a nudge in the small of his back from the now-deactivated saber hilt. “Well, go on. Answer him.”
Distinctly wrongfooted now, Quinn didn’t know what else to do but comply.
“I’m here, my lord,” he called back. After another heartbeat, he added carefully, “There is a Jedi here with me.”
A pause followed this announcement before Khel’s reply echoed down the corridor; Quinn could hear the harshness in the other’s voice, pushing through his pain.
“Listen carefully to me, Jedi - if you harm that man in any way -”
But the Jedi’s answer was unnervingly amiable. “Perish the thought,” he called back, and once again he moved more suddenly and quickly than Quinn could react - brushing past him and disappearing around the corner towards the camp in a sweep of umber robes.
Malavai swore again (aloud, this time). He snatched up his discarded blaster and sprinted after the Jedi. Taking aim, he managed to get off a single shot as he ran, but it merely grazed his target's shoulder as the man darted through the doorway of the camp.
“Lord Khel, look out!” he cried in warning. A second later he also skidded through the doorway - only to be met with a faintly frantic exclamation from Khel.
“Wait, no, Quinn - stand down, don’t hurt him! He’s a friend!”
When a critical mission for the Empire goes wrong, MALAVAI QUINN and LORD KHEL SUTEK find themselves lost behind enemy lines in the inhospitable ice-wilds of ILUM. With only each other to rely on, and their recently-formed relationship still relatively untested, the strain of survival under such circumstances is bound to cause a few cracks. But for two men with life-long tendencies towards walling themselves away - perhaps a few cracks are just what they need in order to start sharing things they've long kept inside.
Malavai Quinn x Light Side Sith Warrior
Words: 18900
A/N: Finally, finally, this is done. Between shifting my hyperfixation to Baldur's Gate 3 and my growing disillusionment towards the more recent SWTOR situation/updates, plus real life kinda handing it to me lately, I just did not get back to this fic when I meant to. Thank you to everyone who's patiently waited and encouraged me over the *checks watch* almost two years this has been sitting unfinished - I appreciate you. Enjoy!
Read on AO3 (short excerpt below cut)
Quinn slid a tense glance down towards the brilliant blade humming only centimetres from his neck, and swallowed.
He allowed himself a speedy moment to consider his options. If he were alone, it would have been only his own life at risk; or if accompanied by other ready soldiers, he might have formulated some way of turning the tables on the situation. But it was only him and Khel here, and the Sith was in no fit state to stand up, let alone fight off a Jedi. And as far as Quinn was concerned, Khel’s welfare was top priority.
Malavai pursed his lips, and at length, with extreme reluctance, he let his blaster clatter to the icy floor.
“Aren’t you an obedient fellow,” the Jedi mused pleasantly from behind him. “I suppose there’s something to be said for that Imperial training - blindly following orders, and all of that.”
Quinn felt a muscle twitch peevishly in his jaw. But he kept quiet, refusing to be goaded into giving his enemy any satisfaction.
“Now,” the Jedi continued on. “If you would be so kind as to give me a count of your merry little band, and where they all are, we can get this unpleasantness over with as quickly as possible. You’ll all be well treated, I assure you.”
The man sounded confident, but not cocky - an irritating distinction which meant that Quinn was unlikely to bluff his way out of this.
“And here I thought you were a Jedi,” he snipped back loftily, playing for time. “Can’t you just - sense them?”
But even as he spoke, it dawned on him - if the Jedi were able to sense other intruders, he would not instead be standing here, politely requesting information on their whereabouts.
“Funny thing about these temples, actually,” the Jedi drawled thoughtfully from behind him. “Some of the crystals you see around you have a certain resonance in the Force. It causes a kind of interference, makes it difficult to identify individual lifesigns.”
Quinn almost let himself blink in surprise. Were he in the other’s position, he would never have divulged such a notable vulnerability to an enemy. But he wondered - was this what Khel had ‘heard’ when they had first entered the temple?
As though sensing Malavai’s thoughts - had he? - the Jedi added, “Oh, don’t worry. I guarantee you won’t have the opportunity to pass that little tidbit along to your superiors. But I do like to encourage a good learning experience whenever I can. A longstanding habit of mine, I’m afraid.”
But Quinn’s mind was churning now. The makeshift camp was out of sight from his present position; if this Jedi was truly unable to sense Khel through the Force, then Quinn still had a chance. He could send the enemy away from his lord on the pretext of revealing his fellow Imperials, lead him deeper into the temple, and then -
Well. He would figure the rest out as he went.
He opened his mouth to speak - and just then a third voice, thin with weariness, echoed uncertainly down the passageway.
“Quinn? Quinn, are you out there?”
Malavai swore to himself - not aloud, but it was a near thing. He tensed in expectation of the Jedi’s response to the ill-timed call. Ready to dive for his blaster, or if necessary employ his fists - lightsaber at his neck be damned.
But to his utter bewilderment, the lightsaber in question was suddenly withdrawn, and a faint chuckle flitted across his shoulder.
“Ohhhh, the Force has a sense of humour today,” the Jedi murmured drily. Quinn felt a nudge in the small of his back from the now-deactivated saber hilt. “Well, go on. Answer him.”
Distinctly wrongfooted now, Quinn didn’t know what else to do but comply.
“I’m here, my lord,” he called back. After another heartbeat, he added carefully, “There is a Jedi here with me.”
A pause followed this announcement before Khel’s reply echoed down the corridor; Quinn could hear the harshness in the other’s voice, pushing through his pain.
“Listen carefully to me, Jedi - if you harm that man in any way -”
But the Jedi’s answer was unnervingly amiable. “Perish the thought,” he called back, and once again he moved more suddenly and quickly than Quinn could react - brushing past him and disappearing around the corner towards the camp in a sweep of umber robes.
Malavai swore again (aloud, this time). He snatched up his discarded blaster and sprinted after the Jedi. Taking aim, he managed to get off a single shot as he ran, but it merely grazed his target's shoulder as the man darted through the doorway of the camp.
“Lord Khel, look out!” he cried in warning. A second later he also skidded through the doorway - only to be met with a faintly frantic exclamation from Khel.
“Wait, no, Quinn - stand down, don’t hurt him! He’s a friend!”
What does it take to feel this alive?
Every day, we're gonna try
What does it take to feel this alive?
Chase down our fears till they're forced to hide
This commission - done by the incredible otterwich - is particularly special to me. It's a vision of a hypothetical future in which Caspian and Scourge are a little older, and have finally shed the burdens and pains of the past. No longer the Alliance Commander and the Emperor's Wrath - just two men who have left everything behind them, going off to explore the wonders of the galaxy and their devotion to each other. As much as I might put them through angst and horrors in the present, I believe that one day, they'll be here.
for the ship asks list - 22 for khelquinn, 8 + 28 for cas/scourge, and 38 for dhamari/gale please :)
Ship Asks
22. what is the one thing they would change about their partner and the one thing they would keep
Oooh this is a tough one actually. I think Khel would want Quinn to relax a little, to be able to have fun more often - not a common word in Quinn's vocabulary.
Quinn, meanwhile, is telling me he's perfectly happy with Khel the way he is, except maybe he'd want Khel to be stronger in the Force, simply because that's what Khel deserves!
8. are they naturally compatible or do they make an effort to try and understand the other
Ha. Hahaha. HA.
Cas and Scourge are sooooo opposite in so many ways. Jedi and Sith, compassion vs apathy, power-wary vs power-eager. Started out as literal enemies, progressed to chafing allies, and even when they're in an established relationship as romantic partners, they still clash frequently. It's actually one of the things I love most about their dynamic - how they each refuse to surrender who they are at their cores, but still make that conscious effort to work together, to be together. There's a reason their ship tag is 'we choose our own fates' - that includes choosing to be devoted to each other, choosing to learn from each other.
28. would you want to be in a relationship like theirs (Cas/Scourge)
Absolutely not. I could not handle it from either perspective lol. But it's a delight to be able to explore it in fiction!
38. how does jealousy manifest in their relationship and how do they usually handle it
Hooboy, yeah, so Gale doesn't have much of a problem with this but Dhamari goes through it a lot. He's never had someone so devoted to him as Gale is, and consequently he feels extremely possessive of the man, and becomes tense and snappish and (even more) unreasonable when he thinks that possession is threatened. As his feelings for Gale grow, he starts to feel jealous every time Gale talks about Mystra, and does everything he can to drag Gale away from her literal and metaphorical grasp; post-game he gets into literal hissing stand-offs with Tara as they're both figuring out how to share their beloved wizard. The first month in Waterdeep is extremely tense until eventually Gale sits Dhamari down and makes him explain why he's being such a jerk to everyone (Gale included). Dhamari wants Gale all to himself, and it takes him a while to understand that just because Gale has warm relationships with others, it doesn't mean he loves Dhamari any less.
Look at me finally answering some ask games I've had languishing guiltily in my inbox!
Get to know your fic writer
3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic
So, I get an idea, and I'll usually let it bounce around in my brain for a good long while before I start writing anything. Considering scenes moment by moment, thinking about directions and emotions, all of that. When I do start writing, it's almost always dialogue first. Snippets here and there, not necessarily in order, just little flashes of exchanges. Slowly these build up, and I start adding snippets of prose as well if they come to me. Sometimes I'll start an OOC outline at the bottom of the document, so I have a sense of the points I want to hit, and it becomes a sort of constellation in my brain. When the actual writing begins, it is, essentially, the process of figuring out the lines connecting those points, those stars - how do I get from this moment in the outline to the next? And sometimes a lot of discovery happens along those lines.
As I've mentioned before, the vast majority of my writing happens in my brain first, complete sentences and all, and I'm just sort of documenting the words as they come. Sometimes I can feel myself actively inventing, so to speak; other times it feels like an archaeological dig site, where I know the words I need are already there, they already exist - I just need to uncover them.
So I write along - I have to do it beginning to end, I can't jump around - and I frequently reread/edit what I've already got as I go, to make sure it all flows well. When I'm feeling stumped or frustrated, I'll go back and rewatch/reread canon cutscenes/dialogue, to refresh the characters' voices in my brain. And sometimes I just have to step back and let it sit for a while, and go back to the pondering stages.
11. Link your three favorite fics right now
Unsure if this means my fics, or others', but I'm going to go with mine (mostly because I don't actually read much of other people's work, I confess) So, one for each of my main ships hehe:
This Endless Starlight (Dhamari/Gale)
Fall On Me, With All Your Light (Caspian/Scourge)
One Final Act (Khel/Quinn)
20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?
We love some patterns around here. I definitely have words I overuse but I just enjoy them so much - 'errant', 'hollow', and 'moment' come to mind. I love playing with visual and metaphorical themes of light and shadow, as well as parallels in character experiences. Most of my fics can be characterised (pun intended) as character studies - I adore exploring the mental and emotional depths behind a person or scene, getting into their brains and exploring who they are. I do find it amusing that I dislike READING romance in non-fanfic books, it's a definite turn-off, and yet virtually all my writing is shippy (how did 3/4 of my main OCs end up being gay men), A lot of my fics also take place at night, and I think this is on account of night being when I do a lot of my fic musing, just before I go to sleep.
54. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?
I think it's when something really CLICKS. Whether that be an 'aha!' moment in figuring out a plot point, or finding JUST the right words to convey a very particular moment or emotion.
76. Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of [Fanfic Name]?
This doesn't really happen to me honestly. I go in with such a 'contained' idea of what I want the fic to be, as I said the particular points I want to hit, that there's rarely anything extraneous. If anything, I have the opposite problem, where the fic ends up with MORE than I intended. Sometimes there will be a sentence or paragraph that doesn't quite fit, but that's the extent of it.
When a critical mission for the Empire goes wrong, MALAVAI QUINN and LORD KHEL SUTEK find themselves lost behind enemy lines in the inhospitable ice-wilds of ILUM. With only each other to rely on, and their recently-formed relationship still relatively untested, the strain of survival under such circumstances is bound to cause a few cracks. But for two men with life-long tendencies towards walling themselves away - perhaps a few cracks are just what they need in order to start sharing things they've long kept inside.
Malavai Quinn x Light Side Sith Warrior
Words: 18900
A/N: Finally, finally, this is done. Between shifting my hyperfixation to Baldur's Gate 3 and my growing disillusionment towards the more recent SWTOR situation/updates, plus real life kinda handing it to me lately, I just did not get back to this fic when I meant to. Thank you to everyone who's patiently waited and encouraged me over the *checks watch* almost two years this has been sitting unfinished - I appreciate you. Enjoy!
Read on AO3 (short excerpt below cut)
Quinn slid a tense glance down towards the brilliant blade humming only centimetres from his neck, and swallowed.
He allowed himself a speedy moment to consider his options. If he were alone, it would have been only his own life at risk; or if accompanied by other ready soldiers, he might have formulated some way of turning the tables on the situation. But it was only him and Khel here, and the Sith was in no fit state to stand up, let alone fight off a Jedi. And as far as Quinn was concerned, Khel’s welfare was top priority.
Malavai pursed his lips, and at length, with extreme reluctance, he let his blaster clatter to the icy floor.
“Aren’t you an obedient fellow,” the Jedi mused pleasantly from behind him. “I suppose there’s something to be said for that Imperial training - blindly following orders, and all of that.”
Quinn felt a muscle twitch peevishly in his jaw. But he kept quiet, refusing to be goaded into giving his enemy any satisfaction.
“Now,” the Jedi continued on. “If you would be so kind as to give me a count of your merry little band, and where they all are, we can get this unpleasantness over with as quickly as possible. You’ll all be well treated, I assure you.”
The man sounded confident, but not cocky - an irritating distinction which meant that Quinn was unlikely to bluff his way out of this.
“And here I thought you were a Jedi,” he snipped back loftily, playing for time. “Can’t you just - sense them?”
But even as he spoke, it dawned on him - if the Jedi were able to sense other intruders, he would not instead be standing here, politely requesting information on their whereabouts.
“Funny thing about these temples, actually,” the Jedi drawled thoughtfully from behind him. “Some of the crystals you see around you have a certain resonance in the Force. It causes a kind of interference, makes it difficult to identify individual lifesigns.”
Quinn almost let himself blink in surprise. Were he in the other’s position, he would never have divulged such a notable vulnerability to an enemy. But he wondered - was this what Khel had ‘heard’ when they had first entered the temple?
As though sensing Malavai’s thoughts - had he? - the Jedi added, “Oh, don’t worry. I guarantee you won’t have the opportunity to pass that little tidbit along to your superiors. But I do like to encourage a good learning experience whenever I can. A longstanding habit of mine, I’m afraid.”
But Quinn’s mind was churning now. The makeshift camp was out of sight from his present position; if this Jedi was truly unable to sense Khel through the Force, then Quinn still had a chance. He could send the enemy away from his lord on the pretext of revealing his fellow Imperials, lead him deeper into the temple, and then -
Well. He would figure the rest out as he went.
He opened his mouth to speak - and just then a third voice, thin with weariness, echoed uncertainly down the passageway.
“Quinn? Quinn, are you out there?”
Malavai swore to himself - not aloud, but it was a near thing. He tensed in expectation of the Jedi’s response to the ill-timed call. Ready to dive for his blaster, or if necessary employ his fists - lightsaber at his neck be damned.
But to his utter bewilderment, the lightsaber in question was suddenly withdrawn, and a faint chuckle flitted across his shoulder.
“Ohhhh, the Force has a sense of humour today,” the Jedi murmured drily. Quinn felt a nudge in the small of his back from the now-deactivated saber hilt. “Well, go on. Answer him.”
Distinctly wrongfooted now, Quinn didn’t know what else to do but comply.
“I’m here, my lord,” he called back. After another heartbeat, he added carefully, “There is a Jedi here with me.”
A pause followed this announcement before Khel’s reply echoed down the corridor; Quinn could hear the harshness in the other’s voice, pushing through his pain.
“Listen carefully to me, Jedi - if you harm that man in any way -”
But the Jedi’s answer was unnervingly amiable. “Perish the thought,” he called back, and once again he moved more suddenly and quickly than Quinn could react - brushing past him and disappearing around the corner towards the camp in a sweep of umber robes.
Malavai swore again (aloud, this time). He snatched up his discarded blaster and sprinted after the Jedi. Taking aim, he managed to get off a single shot as he ran, but it merely grazed his target's shoulder as the man darted through the doorway of the camp.
“Lord Khel, look out!” he cried in warning. A second later he also skidded through the doorway - only to be met with a faintly frantic exclamation from Khel.
“Wait, no, Quinn - stand down, don’t hurt him! He’s a friend!”
Brought to you by that one scene in Deep Space Nine where Miles is in love with his Starfleet combat rations because Quinn ABSOLUTELY feels the same about Imperial field rations
“There - I’ve fulfilled my part of the bargain. Now it’s your turn.” Quinn gave Khel a haughty sort of look before pushing the rations into his partner’s hand.
“I should hope that kiss meant more to you than a bargaining chip,” Khel teased him, though lightly. He obediently unwrapped the rest of the ration bar, then lifted it with a dubious look, and after a moment’s consideration he commented, “I don’t suppose these have improved since the last time I ate one….”
“What do you mean, ‘improved’?” demanded Quinn, who was already munching steadily on his own rations. “My lord, these are by far the finest field rations ever devised. The nutrient concentration alone -“
“But there’s no flavour, Quinn. No flavour, and a bit too much texture, if you ask me.”
“That’s hardly the point, is it, my lord?” Malavai made an emphatic gesture towards his field pack, still containing a plentiful supply of rations. “We could live on these for weeks, if necessary.”
Khel groaned quietly. “Please, let’s not have it come to that.”
