Ramblings of someone feeling a bit sorry for themselves...
Day 4 of being ill… And I don’t really feel as though I am getting better. In fact, it has felt largely that I am getting worse today, almost drowning in an ocean of snot. At least the last three days was just an annoying cough, sore throat and headache. Admittedly yesterday, when I perhaps should have been at home, I did venture out to Champion Hill, to watch Dulwich Hamlet lose miserably to Canvey Island. If it weren’t for Hamlet Lager (otherwise known as Oranjeboom- you may have heard of it) my mood would have been defeated. It also made me forget about my illness for a while, too.
I should have been doing my housework today, as I had not been productive yesterday, but it turns out that I have made my partner ill as well, so I was easily convinced by him that we should be spending the day together dosed up on medicine and watching films. A morning trip to Boots and back to bed it was, and despite my eagerness to watch Star Wars Episode III I ended up falling asleep to Burnley VS Wigan. I had spoken to my Aunty on the telephone, as she had called me to question why my Brother isn’t answering his landline when she has tried to call him… (Exasperated, I explained ‘He’s probably out…’) As if I wasn’t feeling bad enough, she had asked me how old I am, and then reminded me that this year will be ten years since my 21st Birthday Party. She went on to list all of my relatives that have died since (FYI, seven, two of which were my parents.) Thanks.
Moving on, I have gone through all of the clean hankies in my drawer, and my nose is turning red from overuse of the sad damp pile next to my pillow. I put some Sudocrem around my nostrils to smooth the skin, only for it to be immediately wiped off after my nose ran instantly. 2 football matches later and I have had half a large carton of OJ and 3 doses of meds. It’s gone 9pm and I’m bored and annoyed- I wanted to watch the Streatham Redskins ice hockey tonight, but decided to give it a miss. It’s pissing me off too, that I am boiling hot, but as soon as I take the duvet off of me I am freezing. It’s Monday tomorrow, and nobody likes Mondays. The weather had looked so nice earlier as well… I feel it has just been a wasted day- another weekend been and gone.
I am also kicking myself in my virus-generated boredom about all the other things that I have not done recently; fix my bike, stick to my jogging schedule, develop that script I had the idea for a couple of weeks ago. Write a blog…
I have barely done anything creative since the end of May last year, a lot of it due to changes in circumstances at work, otherwise I believe depression may be playing a massive part in it. Last month I thought I could stick my finger up at the dark cloud that hangs over my head, and in all fairness to myself I have done quite a lot of the things I have been meaning to do even from as far back as 2010. October through to March, though, has never been my favourite time of year. Even as a teen I had believed that I suffer from SAD, although some of that was probably withdrawal of the TV series ER.
I have got some ideas written in my fancy black A5 notebook (as opposed to the hard-back fancy red notebook, and a plethora of other notebooks that I possess because I have a notebook fetish, don’t you know?) I just need to make time to actually fucking do something. Some of the ideas wont make the particular formats that I have the idea intended for, so I have developed them further and want to create something else, something different to what I have done before. It’s all pretty exciting, or at least will be for about another week.
Oh well. I have rambled on somewhat, so my apologies for over-sharing (and ranting.) Congratulations if you have got this far without being put into a boredom-triggered coma. I may watch that DVD (but its all the way over there) or I may just sulk a little bit more. Meh.
Hopefully my next blog will be a bit more optimistic.