Is it already time for end-of-year summary? Well… either way, this is all I’ve got. and I have a few words below…
To be honest, I’m not a big fan of doing yearly summaries - there’s always some stretch of time where I feel like I achieved nothing at all. But this year… I’m not even sure I want to write this post, or whether I’ll delete it later. It’s not even really about art, but sometimes you just need to talk to someone, right?
This year, I felt a very particular kind of apathy toward everything. Lately I don’t feel like drawing or sharing much, even though I know I’ll keep doing it anyway. As I’ve mentioned before, I have health issues - I’ve had them since childhood but since 2022 things have been getting worse in ways I didn’t even think were possible. I sometimes feel like I’m stuck in the world of Cry of Fear and I don't like it. Long story short: I’ve had tinnitus for almost three years now, partial hearing loss, half a year of nerve compression and nobody really knows how to treat any of it (and yes, I’ve tried a lot and changed many doctors).
And even though 2025 wasn’t the “worst” in terms of events, every year I look back and realize I don’t really have anything to sum up - not in work, not in personal life. My gallery is basically a handful of artworks and photos of my home, a house that keeps slowly falling apart year after year from the bombing.
I really don’t want this post to turn into anything political, but unfortunately this is my life and I want you to know what’s actually happening. This year especially, it feels like the world has gone insane. Some mornings I wake up and check the news just to see whether the cities where my family is forced to live are still standing, family I haven’t seen for almost 4 years now. And instead I end up seeing yet another “f*ck Ukrainians” post on x getting wild engagement. Like… what did I even do? Maybe I really should delete some social media for good.
Moments like that kill any desire to do anything, or even to keep going. I can’t even find the strength to work on treating my PTSD, especially knowing that wartime PTSD in our current context is something almost no specialist knows how to handle. Like, how am I supposed to explain to a doctor what it felt like when the second-largest army in the world kidnapped my father with a bag over his head and took him who knows where? Thankfully, he’s safe now. And I really hope I will see him again.
But despite everything… I do know that someday I’ll find the strength to keep creating. I mean, I am an Aries Moon + Aries Saturn with a Virgo Mars etc etc.
I’m honestly not someone who likes making promises about the future, but next year I’d like to focus more on my own characters and maybe finally find my way back to myself. And I genuinely wish the same to anyone in a similar situation. Don’t keep everything bottled up, and don’t think “no one needs me.” Seek help if you need it. You always have you, and that’s the most important thing. And please know that I love you all.
Shoutout to anyone who made it through the peak of my english skills. Merry Christmas or Happy Yule if you’re celebrating, and thank you for being here with me.
at least my spotify wrapped was fine this year ✌️
