kheloids @kheloids - Tumblr Blog

My Apologies

How come my brain is wired in such a way, so intricately designed in such a unique manner, resulting in thoughts so painful that they make me want to take this kitchen knife out of the dishwasher and straight to slit my throat instead of back in the kitchen drawer where it belongs? I don't want to be like this.

Before this loss, I thought of “grief" as sadness for a period of time, as a result of the death of someone you love. And that you had to just push through it to overcome it.

But I am realizing that there is no overcoming. There is no “pushing through”, but instead you have to absorb, adjust, adapt, and accept. And grief is not something that can be completed, but rather endured. It is not about being finished and moving on, but about an element of you, an alteration of your existence, and a new way of seeing yourself, and the world.

#grief #dealing with grief #loss #death #love

What if I could take away every spinning and spiraling thought from my mind, chain them down, and teach them how to accept and surrender? What if I could clear my mind of all the doubt, shake off the fear, and brush away all of the negativity? Well then I would. And if I knew how to take control and have that much power over my mind, days like today wouldn’t exist. And I would no longer be stuck. Here. Now. Writing this moment.

#borderline traits #borderline thoughts #bipolar #bpd mood #bpd feels