Here's the truth: someone can have a trauma reaction and make choices in a state of trauma trigger that still end up hurting other people when they didn't mean to... And in doing so still need to make up for the damage they caused. They might think they're doing the right thing. But they're still reacting in trauma, and might even be making choices for someone else without giving them a chance to say if that's what they want or not (consent).
Stede reacted to the new trauma of Admiral Badminton's death and the hateful words said by the man, words that whether he realized that or not pushed all of Stede's buttons on his fears. We saw in his fever dream in episode 3 that he knew a note was not enough for Mary. He didn't even give Ed a note. He just wandered off in trauma. He didn't go to Ed with his fears for support and assurance of his love, because Stede was told he had [emasculated] Blackbeard, the fiercest pirate to ever exist. Even though he knows Ed doesn't like being Blackbeard, he prefers to be Edward or Ed. And I mean this in the sense of who those people are to Ed, as a mask he has to wear as Blackbeard.
When they first met, we had already seen that Ed was bored, his first mate was saying that he was half insane, had strange whims. He was a man on the edge, who entertained the idea that death was an adventure he hadn't had yet, and wouldn't be opposed to trying.
Stede narratively absolutely needed to go back to Mary and the children, partially to close that chapter of his life, and definitely so that he could learn what love could be. Because he'd never experienced it. He didn't know that's what that was. He had kissed the man and he still didn't know what that was! Because he had presumably kissed Mary. Kissing did not equal love for him, even if we can assume he felt something more when kissing Ed on that beach.
And it's so good to see him get to be friends with his wife. To see him use the skills that he picked up this season to truly make his escape from the shackles of his birth.
But he doesn't think of Ed except as he thinks of getting back to him. There is no moment where he thinks "oh no! I left him! Mary, I didn't even leave him a note like I left for you, I just left him. He must think so ill of me. He must think I abandoned him, and I did."
Stede Bonnet has only happiness in his mind and his heart as he runs off to find his beloved again. And he hasn't even thought what the past week could have done to him. He's not put himself in Ed's shoes: Sitting on that pier, waiting, falling into spirals, overthinking everything, getting caught in the loops of obsessive thoughts. Stede knows that Ed has never had a friend before him. That he doesn't think he's a good man. That he thinks Stede was always going to see what he is (not who) and push him away.
And even if it wasn't that, Ed would have come to some point while he waited where he realized Stede wasn't joining him there to get in that dinghy and row away. Even if Stede had simply fallen asleep and not woken up in time, at no point did he--in Ed's mind--wake up and realize he was late and rush out to find him. At the very least, Stede was able to sleep through the night? Without excitement? That meant Ed had put more into it and misread the situation. Oh the embarrassment of hope. (And after Ed "never left", Stede leaves!)
Stede doesn't know all of this obviously. He can't possibly know that Ed went off and found the old crew. And that he was hanging on by a thread. Nor can he know Izzy cut that thread by holding a mirror up to Ed and saying his moping about his boyfriend wasn't good enough (it was the word "boyfriend", it was labeling that silly hope Ed had been drowning in since the dock.) He went from zero to Blackbeard in an instant to have anyone call him out on that--and after Lucius and the rest of the crew have been being so gentle and waiting for him to take time and heal at his own pace!
And when he let go of that silk, his heart, he even stopped being Blackbeard and became the Kraken. He couldn't have Lucius there; he was one who could get close to him and stand up to him, that had been proven already. So he had to go too. They all needed to go, all of the ones who reminded him of the man he loved. And he kept the two that seemed to have someone a little bit more special to them, sure but.... He's not going to be happy, they can't be either. So this secondary action to it all. He split up Jim and Oluwande; Lucius and Pete; Frenchie and Wee John (and I will die on the hill but that IS a queer platonic relationship).
But Stede doesn't know. He hasn't thought of even a fraction of this. He was in trauma when he abandoned Ed, the man with who he mutually found happiness. And he was in misery back at his family's home. And now he is in a different type of fantasy, one where he could walk back into Ed's life and be welcomed with open arms without needing to atone for the damage that he's caused. Because he hasn't even thought it might be there.
He needs to hear from his crew exactly what happened. We know he's going to meet them first. He needs to figure out how to apologize, and use Ed's apology languages, not his own. He needs to make a huge show of his love and devotion. And he needs to accept that Ed doesn't need to accept either of those things. No one can force anyone to accept an apology or to bring someone back into their life even if they do accept the apology.
And obviously I want them to get back together. But I need Stede to earn this, and learn the next part of the lesson. To see what the cowardice got him on this end of it. To start to heal further from the trauma that has been following him his whole life since childhood. Without doing that, he cannot be for anyone the kind of man he should be. Not least of all Ed.
It's going to be painful and dark.
Without, Ed will never be on equal footing with him.
