Year 2: Settling into life
I suppose I’ll start this first post as generically as I can... “Hey folks! sorry for the delay. It has been a humdinger of a couple years or so.” ...Okay now that thats out of the way here goes nothing.
I stumbled back to this amazing time capsule of my past thoughts tonight while listening to Four Year Strong’s new self titled album. (Sidenote: highly recommended) Although all my previous post brought back unfavorable memories of being poor as a mother F*cker, in denial about a failing relationship that I felt utterly trapped in and finally in a hopeless search for a job that would give me stability in my life. So ill just go right down the list and explain where im sitting at this point in my life.
I broke up with my college girlfriend about 9 months ago and moved back in with my parents. Yes... not the coolest situation for a mid twenty year old man to do but I couldnt keep going down the path of unhappiness. The final straw with that drama filled relationship was when, I was at the point where I was prepping for a fight before a fight was even on the table. Like, who the hell does that in a healthy relationship? I guess I did, but that has changed. I focused on me as much as possible and decided it was my time to be selfish. Its been a intense 9ish months of living with my parents, working/traveling and attempting to buy my first house. Ive always wanted to live in the cities that I grew up loving and I am finally going to get the chance to do so. Im scared shitless to take that jump into home ownership. Its so “Adult” of me and I guess I have a hard time seeing myself as anything but a kid. Im stubborn as all hell, I hate doing laundry and doing chores 85% of the time. I eat junk food, drink booze, smoke on occasion and doodle immature shit when im bored. I mean, who the fuck is 25 years old and still doodling images of power rangers and super heroes?
There is always an internal conflict with myself growing up. I love the thought of owning a place of my own, to which I can do whatever I want. Except there is always that little devil on my shoulder who is making fun of me for wanting to take on such an adult role. I’ve fallin in love with a girl from Michigan and I can see myself happily settling down with her... No I wont get into overly gushy and emotional stories, mainly because thats for me and her. She knows me better than I know myself and for once in my life its a refreshing thing to have. I hated the struggle with all my past relationships and never once did I think the struggle was worth that person. With her, our biggest struggle is who is driving the 11 hours to see each other. Dont get me wrong we argue and have conflicts like any good relationship but in the end we both know where we stand and we both can still look at each other and say, “I love you” before crawling into bed and snugglin... I am the small spoon of course. She has made me realize some of my downfalls in life that I wasnt even willing to admit were there. She has dramatically helped me feel like im not alone or broken anymore. (Cheesy I know) I honestly believe she loves me for exactly who I am. All my flaws included... even the big nasty hairy flawfilled monsters I have hidden under my bed. Dont quote me on this but Im pretty sure this is the girl that im suppose to be with.Â
On to the more publicly interesting subject of my blog posts, the infamous job hunt! I landed a great marketing job about 2 years ago now with a very large paint company in Minneapolis. My new job lets me travel the US without spending any of my money, and I love it! Well aspects of it. As I grow in my career and in the world in general I’ve realized all jobs arent equal. Im not speaking about, “my jobs better than yours” or “ I get paid a shit ton of cash to make pretty pictures” im talking about how the job field works. When you first take steps into working, you’re at a low end shitty job any one can get aka Target cashier or cart boy. The jobs simple, you have your set tasks and your expected to do them till your shift is done. The only time you get off your feet is when you get your alotted 15 min paid break and your 30 min unpaid lunch. Simple. Then you grow up and start getting more important jobs. I worked for a union for awhile as a truck driver. I loved that job. similar to the first jobs you have in life, in the sense that you have a set schedule you do your job well and you reap the rewards. Although now you have more freedom and you are an adult that makes decision that impact how the tasks at hand are finished. I loved that job. Finally there is the corporate grind... and I truly mean grind. I grew up in a family that was in the last tier of work. It was respectable, you worked hard and you made progress within your field due to your hardwork. The coorporate grind takes those philosophies and chucks them out the window while your driving down the interstate at 80 mph. Coorporate grind is bloody and dangerous. People who are hard workers and are great friends get killed off quickly and abruptly in this movie. Oh and as for the protagonist of the story... dont count on him showing up, since he was probably beheaded in the first act. Big corporations are always moving and very very exciting to be apart of. I forgot about my life and only focused on work for the first year or so. Some people are built for this struggle, me on the other hand... im not sure what I truly think of it all just yet. Somedays I cant stand the parade of tailored suits and politically correct jokes that everyone has to muster up a fake ass laugh for, in fear of the chopping block. Yes, I finally have those benefits and steady income I so dramatically begged for in my previous posts... but now that I have those things, im not sure if the juice is worth the squeeze. I’ve lost my pride in my work and ambition to do great things as a professional designer for the easy money and security of a large corporate job. On the other hand my life out side of work is interesting and I can basically do whatever I damn well please. I LOVE the freedom that money brings. Will I stay with the corporate grind my whole life? Who knows. But I can tell you that Im impressed in myself for everything I have accomplished in my life and im looking forward to my next long overdue post on this page. Hope you all are having a good time.
Work to live, dont live to work
-KiD GiANT
