I've Opened Up!
I've been reading a load of posts about depression, and Robin Williams, and, y'know what, enough fucking around, I need to come clean: I have depression, I've got complex anxiety issues, and a lack of anger management at home. I'm a mess. I avoid social situations I know I can manage, I avoid doing the simplest tasks, because I'm afraid of fucking it up. I'm afraid of forming new relationships and friendships, because I don't wanna hurt them, and I don't wanna get hurt. I still struggle to understand the nature of my mother's disability, and I'm still struggling to come to terms with my own conditions. I create my own misery, just so people can pay attention to me, only for me to turn around and say, 'fuck off, leave me alone'. I don't know what I want out of life. I've lied through my teeth to professionals about how I'm feeling. No, I'm not alright, nothing's fine. Everything sucks, and I feel there's little hope for me to do anything with my life. I had a drinking problem, I used cannabis too much when I was at university, and it fucked up everything. I'm glad to be rid of those demons, but, not all of them have been defeated. And with that, I'm saying this: "I'm not okay, I need help." I'd like to apologise to everyone who's been affected by my behaviour over the last 13 months, especially my family, and my closest friends. I want to get better, but, I can't do it alone. If you have a problem, talk to someone! Ask for help. I now know that you're a lot stronger for asking for help, rather than going it alone. I know I've waffled, but, I needed to just open myself up. I don't care if I've opened up Pandora's Box, I'm just ready to face what's in it! And on that note, thanks for reading this!
