Social skills: noticing when repetition is communication
So thereâs this dynamic:
Autistic person: The door is open!
Other person: I *know* that. Itâs hot in here.
Autistic person: The door is open!
Other person: I already explained to you that itâs hot in here!
Autistic person: The door is open!
Other person: Why do you have to repeat things all the time?!
Often when this happens, whatâs really going on is that the autistic person is trying to communicate something, and theyâre not being understood. The other person thinks that they are understanding and responding, and that the autistic person is just repeating the same thing over and over either for no reason or because they are being stubborn and inflexible and obnoxious and pushy.
When whatâs really happening is that the autistic person is not being understood, and they are communicating using the words they have. Thereâs a NT social expectation that if people arenât being understood, they should change their words and explain things differently. Sometimes autistic people arenât capable of doing this without help.
So, if this is happening, assume itâs communication and try to figure out whatâs being communicated. If youâre the one with more words, and you want the communication to happen in words, then you have to provide words that make communication possible. For example:
Other person: Do you want the door to be closed, or are you saying something else?
Autistic person: Something else
Other person: Do you want to show me something outside, or something else?
Autistic person: Something else
Other person: Are you worried about something that might happen, or something else?
Autistic person: Worried
Other person: Are you worried that something will come in, or that something will go out?
Autistic person: Baby
Other person: Sheâs in her crib, and the baby gate is up. Is that ok, or is there still a problem?
Autistic person: ok
Now THIS is some good info
