sometimes i fantasise about people shutting the fuck up
people me

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@kimalsohere
sometimes i fantasise about people shutting the fuck up
people me
I am so riddled with the fear of disappointment and failure that sometimes i genuinely forget to breathe. They’re such horrifically heavy burdens to carry - ones that have been with me my entire life.
i keep apologizing for things no one asked me to apologize for.
for talking too much. for feeling too much. for needing reassurance i wish i didn’t need.
—
it’s like i’m always waiting
for the moment someone decides
i’m too heavy to carry.
so i try to make myself lighter.
quieter. smaller.
easier to keep.
—
but i don’t think that’s how it works.
because no matter how much i shrink—
i still feel like too much.
'I worry I only made your life harder.'
Chris Whitaker, from All the Colors of the Dark
I feel like a burden but I can’t let anyone know/reassure me that I’m not a burden without feeling like a burden but if I don’t open up I’m still a burden because I refuse to express myself but I want to but also don’t wanna be a burden. Yknow
nonchalance turns me off so badly. give me obsession on the brink of depravity or give me nothing
i want you to want me all to yourself
I am so thankful that books & reading exist
top 5 horror movies
-having a job
-not having a job
-applying for jobs
-the job market
-the concept of working my whole life
i’m like if a pervert was a sweetheart
you can save someone by listening