ㄱㅅㄴ

방탄⁷ | 해달즈 | 아무거나 | JM Bias | SG Bias Wrecker | Stan OT7

[kimsaena88]

It's been a long time since I last posted. I’ve been quiet for too long. I've thought about whether I should post at all, but I need to get this out of my head. Out of my heart.

As a Jimin biased ARMY, the last few years have felt like a nightmare. From the negligence and mismanagement by the company, to the excuses and bitterness from the fandom, the euphoric dream has devolved into something so twisted and ugly.

To say I am disappointed is an understatement. I'm utterly heartbroken and disgusted to finally realize what this fandom has become. I should have seen it coming. I was warned before, but I was too blind to see what was right in front of me.

Since I became an ARMY, I have vehemently and relentlessly defended this fandom. However, even back then, I witnessed the hate towards Jimin come from not just outside the fandom but from within. Jimin biased fans were told to “Report and block. Don’t engage.” Jimin fans did just that, but the hate continued to escalate. It got louder. It spread farther. It has since reached the point where it's clear ARMY does not find any of the malicious or threatening rhetoric alarming, and the majority rather doesn’t care.

Recently as last year, ARMYs turned a blind eye to Jimin’s father becoming a target of hate. His father had to turn off the comments on the Instagram account for his café, and deleted any trace of Jimin, it had gotten so bad. Not even a few days later, ARMYs came out of the woodwork to protect and defend JK’s dog from “Jimin’s vile fans”. I could not believe what I was witnessing. In real time. The hypocrisy was deafening.

ARMY has earned the title of the most toxic fandom, and it is speed running towards self destruction. It has become so fractured and disjointed. ARMY now only cares about it’s collective ego. The AMAs drama is proof of this. The way ARMY as a whole went about it was disgusting, and I will never forget what happened.

Jimin was belittled. Jimin was decided as less deserving. ARMYs decided Jimin’s talent and art paled in comparison to RM's. ARMY teamed up with other BTS member’s solo fandoms who openly hate Jimin. Jimin once again was sidelined by his own fandom.

ARMY decided what makes a “true ARMY”.

“If you vote for RM, you are a true ARMY.

If you vote for Jimin, you are a solo.”

This message was shared across all social platforms. This idea spread across continents and was translated globally. ARMYs made it clear that Jimin and his fans are the bane of this fandom. Any ARMY that did stand up for him was vilified and labeled an anti, a solo.

So, being a Jimin fan makes me a solo?! Having Jimin as a bias makes me a BTS anti?! Thinking Jimin deserved an award that would reflect his achievements in America means I cannot be a “true ARMY”?!

Then, I must be a solo. At this point, I don’t even want to be associated with such a hypocritical and hateful fandom. I've tried to stay positive. I’ve tried to convince myself that I’m overreacting. But after what just happened with the AMAs, I can no longer tolerate the blatant resentment of Jimin and his fans from ARMY. And to make matters worse, now that it’s over, ARMYs have collective amnesia, claiming none of this ever happened.

I’m tired of biting my tongue.

I’m tired of feeling like I have no place in my own fandom.

I’m tired of being let down over and over again.

I’m over it.

I’m done.

I imagine many will unfollow my account. But, honestly, it will only prove my point.

ARMYs don’t care about Jimin. They think little of him.

Unlike the other members, he is not allowed to have his own fans.

Unlike other members, he does not deserve the awards he has.

Unlike other members, he’s not as deserving of recognition and praise.

Unlike other members, he is nothing without BTS.

I have seen all of this. I wish I was making it up.

Since chapter 2 started, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, kept complaining about PJMs this, and PJMs that. Always calling PJMs “the worst”, the “most vile”. Never the other solo fandoms. Just PJMs. No other member of BTS has been subjected to the kind of vitriol I’ve seen against Jimin for having solo fans. No other member of BTS has been directly associated with their solos as much as Jimin has. It’s hypocritical and reeks of animosity.

I have seen this mentality even here. Right here in this community on tumblr. It sickens me.

I once did not understand how any ARMY could become a solo, but now I do. When you have to deal with constant bullshit from your own fandom, with no accountability, it’s only natural to want out.

PJMs may get a bad wrap from ARMY, but I understand why they keep growing. Continuing to be an ARMY with Jimin as your bias is impossible. Anyone that claims Jimin is their bias, but has sided with ARMY, until even now, is no Jimin fan. How any Jimin fan can witness what I have and still feel comfortable in such a toxic environment is beyond me.

ARMY has lost it’s heart. There is no more genuine love between fans. Just hate. Hate has clearly won. You are either a “true ARMY” or a Jimin fan. There’s no in between.

So, I choose Jimin.

I will always love BTS, but ARMY is no longer a safe place for me.

[kimsaena88]

It’s funny how you don’t realize just how much you miss something until you have it back, even if for a fleeting moment. Seeing BTS together again on stage was as exciting as it was bittersweet. Putting into words the emotions that filled my heart watching them perform as one for such a monumental event is proving to be quite difficult for me. This wasn’t just any regular concert for the boys, or even ARMY. It was a show for the public, for the world. The admission was free, anyone could watch it online, and it aired on Korean television. Despite the hiccups leading up to the show, the concert was a success, with high ratings and unimaginable numbers of online viewers. There was so much viewer traffic that the major platforms streaming the concert crashed, leaving millions of ARMYs and viewers to search for another source. The public perception has been positive, and the tremendous economic impact is being celebrated by the Busan locals. It truly is hard to describe the significance of this concert for BTS, for Busan, and for Korea. This will be a wondrous moment forever remembered by so many, far beyond the port city where it was held.

Many in Korea who aren’t ARMY were curious about BTS and what makes them so special, and the response has been amazing. Even for my own family who tuned in, their reactions were priceless. Apparently, one of my uncles was enchanted by Jin, and my grandmother said she now understands why I love Jimin so much. My sister’s oppa, who wasn’t a fan, decided to nab a ticket to the show, simply because he wanted to know what the hype was all about. He kept sending my sister videos and pictures, and he was in complete awe of what he was experiencing. By the end of the concert, he asked her, “Should I become ARMY?!” It was so cute how impressed he was, and how he thanked BTS for putting on such an incredible show. Needless to say, as an ARMY, it made me so happy!!

For BTS and ARMY, this was the show to finally close the first chapter of our story. We got to see the boys perform the songs that we all know and love, possibly for the last time. We were gifted “달려라 방탄 (Run BTS)” early, much to everyone’s excitement. The boys really gave that performance the proper due diligence that a song like that would require. It was very reminiscent of the classic backbreaking stages that put BTS in a class of their own. Witnessing Jimin and V wholly fall into an embrace at the end of the performance says it all.

It was easy to see that this concert meant a lot to the boys, and they didn’t want it to end. Each minute was cherished and not gone to waste. They went into this concert knowing that it will be the last concert with all of them together for the foreseeable future. Now we know that it won’t be until 2025 that BTS will finally take the stage again as a group. As much as it breaks my heart to know that it will feel like eternity before we get the boys as OT7, I trust that they will make us proud, and will come back to us stronger than ever!!

Even though we won’t be getting any new BTS music and performances for what seems like forever and a day, we still have so much to look forward to! Jin is releasing a single, and will no doubt bless us all with his silver voice and stunning WWH visuals. The other remaining members are working hard on their much awaited solos, which we know will be worth waiting for. I for one am absolutely beyond ready for all they have to offer, and I am excited to watch each one of them shine in their own light!!

달려라 방탄이들!! Let’s go~!! 💜💜

[kimsaena88]

쩨이호오오오오오오옵~!!!

Our Hobi is so amazing!

I know this may be a bit delayed, but I had to join in on the celebration of our Hope’s first solo album! There was no doubt in my mind that he would show up and show out, and that is exactly what he did. He has always had such a strong presence on BTS tracks and stages, so it comes as no surprise that he would take on the challenge of being on his own with confidence and expertise. Hobi has shared a more edgy side of himself, and really leaned into a more serious and mature vibe.

J-Hope is our Hope and our sunshine child, but he really wanted to prove that he is more than that. With Jack in the Box, he really broke out of his BTS persona, and gave us a deeper look into his artistry and his mind. If I’m going to be honest, I wasn’t at all surprised that Hobi was first in line to be on his own. Over the years, he’s shown just how much of a formidable force he is as a lyricist, dancer, performer, and a mentor. Many would argue that he is BTS’s 2nd leader, supporting RM with such a heavy role, and pushing the boys to be the best they can be. It’s only fitting that someone as strong and well-rounded as him would be at the forefront of solo activities.

When More was first released, I was stunned. It was so exhilarating to see him in this new light, and all on his own. He is such a natural, and he truly makes it seem effortless. He has this aura about him that just sucks you in and immerses you. With More, he really set the tone for what was coming. Jack in the Box is an impressive 1st album, with lyrics that brought on the tears as well as a swelling pride for Hobi’s telling off of the haters. He dug into the roots of Hip-Hop, but made it his own. He shared with us his story, as an idol, as a member of the biggest boy band in the world, as J-Hope, and as his inner true self. A self-reflective piece that digs into himself as well as the bigger picture that is the world today and the pressures of society and expectations. He proved hope isn’t just having a smile on, it’s about the heart.

What’s more is Hobi taking on Lollapalooza as a soloist, and his reasoning as to why. He wants to challenge himself, and put himself out there on a proverbial chopping block. He wants to show what he’s about, what he’s got, to people who love music. He wants feedback. He wants to learn and grow. He wants to be even better. The respect he has for his art and for music is admirable, and I am immensely proud to call myself a fan and a supporter of such a wonderful and talented human. I just know that he is going to conquer that stage, and set fire to everything in his wake. He will indeed shine brighter than ever before.

I simply cannot wait!

Congratulations Hobi on an incredible 1st album!

홉아~~고생많았다!!!

참 자랑스럽구나아아아앙~💜💜

[kimsaena88]

I know that I say this a lot, but I am so proud of BTS. Beyond proud. They continue to amaze me with all that they achieve, and all that they are able to do. Watching the press conference at the White House was surreal to me, as I am sure the experience was for BTS. Being invited to the White House to discuss a matter so important with the President of the United States is something no one in Korea could have ever imagined for an idol group. It’s just not something that happens. However, when it come to BTS, it seems that just about anything is possible.

As a Korean, as an Asian, I would have never in my wildest dreams imagined that those who look like me would be allowed such a privilege to walk the halls of the White House, enter the Oval Office, and take part in such a historic discussion concerning anti-Asian hate crimes, discrimination, Asian inclusion and representation with the President of the United States. And to think of where these boys started their dreams. Seven random boys from South Korea, signed to a bankrupt company with no prospects or support, have since become one of the most influential public figures of our generation. What are the odds? How was this even a possibility? The story of BTS is truly special.

Seeing how far they have come, I can say with full confidence that BTS are indeed one of a kind. They have transcended their music. They have become more than their performance. They have become more than an idol group. They represent more than what would be expected of them as a Kpop boy band. They represent a generation of Asians, and anyone who has been “othered.” There are so many who have found their voice, discovered their beauty, and strengthened their sense of pride in self and identity as an Asian, as a minority, as a result of all that BTS has overcome.

BTS continues to beat the odds. They continue to break down barriers once thought to be unyielding. They have proven that being Korean, being Asian, being foreign does not make you any less worthy of respect and recognition. They have become world class stars, and they understand the momentous platform that they stand on. They use their status for good, for change, for what’s right. They never waste an opportunity to spread love and kindness, speaking on ways to better understand one’s self and those around us.

They continue to stay humble and gracious in all their success. Their maturity and humility has bestowed on to them a great amount of admiration from their peers, their fans, and world leaders alike. From the Blue House, to the UN, and now to the White House, BTS has gone on a journey unique to themselves. Through this journey, they are helping to change not just the course of the international music industry, but the social constructs that have been uncompromising for AANIPI and other minorities. It truly is an honor to watch them in all that they do as a fan, but more so as a Korean, and as an Asian.

I can’t wait to see what else is in store for our boys!

자랑스러운 우리 탄이들!! 💜💜

BTS 화이팅!! ✊️✊️

[kimsaena88]

I considered whether or not to make a post about BTS being invited to the White House after seeing the whirlwind of responses, good and bad, on social media. Ultimately, I decided I should, even if just for myself. Without a doubt, BTS are truly making their mark on history. Being invited to the White House to meet the President of the United States is itself a reputable accomplishment, never before done by a Korean act. What’s most notable, though, is WHY they are invited. It is AAPI month in the United States, and with the rise of anti-Asian hate crimes and discrimination around the world, let alone America, this is an issue that deserves to be acknowledged and addressed. I am amazed and proud of BTS for once again taking a public stance on something so important that affects so many. They showed their support of BLM, speaking against the hate and violence befalling black men and women, and worked with UNICEF to campaign against violence and bullying. Even their lyrics have reflected their stance on injustice and poor treatment of those who are “othered.”

The unfortunate thing to come of this news is the amount of hate thrown at BTS from locals and Kpop fandoms alike for being “picked” to represent Asians. The hypocrisy is astounding to say the least, from diminishing BTS’s own Asian-ness, to making fun of their lack of English skills, and even going as far as saying that BTS knows nothing of being targets of racism or hate. Really? I recall BTS being called Chinese over and over again, as if being Chinese is some sort of insult. I recall BTS being the butt of COVID jokes, simply because they are Asian. I recall BTS being accused of abandoning Korea and their Kpop roots, as if they weren’t proud to be Korean and were disowning their culture and identities. BTS has addressed the anti-rhetoric more than once, but it is obvious that their words have fallen on deaf ears. It's getting tiring.

Not surprisingly, ARMY has also been a target, more so now more than ever. I’ve seen countless fandoms, and antis in general, refer to ARMY as the MOST toxic Kpop fandom. I’m not going to sit here and act like ARMY isn’t guilty of being insolent and gross. I won’t hesitate to admit that ARMY has its own heaping trash pile of flaming garbage that even WE want to get rid of. We aren’t proud of it, regardless of what others may think. The problem is, it’s not as simple as it seems on the surface. I’ve come to realize that the toxic ARMYs that give the rest of the fandom a bad rap do not represent most of the fandom, as others are so led to believe.

Look at it like this: Where does all the toxicity take place? Social media, right? For starters, we need to put into perspective just how many ARMYs are using social media. When trying to find the average number of ARMYs, I referred to the most prominent platforms that BTS has accounts with. There are nine that I used, including YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, Spotify, Facebook, Weibo, TikTok, Weverse, and VLive.

When we find the average, we are left with approximately 39 million fans. It seems fair to assume that this takes care of all of those fake, bum, repeat, and bot accounts, but let’s be generous and lop off another 10 million ARMYs, just to be safe. So now we have about 29 million fans. If we are to assume that 40% of ARMYs are toxic, that’s 11,600,000 fans. If we say 50% of ARMYs are toxic, that’s 14,500,000 fans. My point is ARMY is huge, therefore it only makes sense that the number of toxic fans will be just as staggering compared to other Kpop fandoms. Let’s use arguably the next biggest fandom in Kpop, BLINKs for BLACKPINK, as an example.

The average number of BLINKs on social media is 25 million. If we give BLINKs the same treatment as ARMYs to avoid fake, bum, repeat, and bot accounts, and we axe 10 million fans, there are 15 million left. If we are then to assume that 40% of BLINKs are toxic, that’s 6,000,000 fans. Now compare ARMY’s 11,600,000 toxic fans to BLINK’s 6,000,000 toxic fans.

11.6million ARMYs versus 6 million BLINKs.

How much more obvious can it get? ARMY is the “MOST TOXIC” simply because there are more ARMY in general on social media. That’s it.

With BTS’s comeback right around the corner, there’s no doubt that BTS will continue to be hated, berated, criticized, and slandered by those who think little of them. ARMY will continue to be labeled as the MOST toxic Kpop fandom despite reality showing that ARMY is no more or less toxic as any other fanbase. I really wish those who condemn BTS and ARMY would take their own advice and “grow up.” I’ve seen it time and time again where loyal fans of other Kpop idols and idol groups complain and chastise BTS and ARMY, announcing that they have a right to an opinion. However, the moment ARMY does the same, ALL of us are seen as toxic, and we need to be corrected.

This argument goes both ways. It’s a vicious cycle. I’ll admit that I was once overly bitter and had a habit of generalizing the words of the toxic fans into the views of whole fandoms. After taking a step back, and really observing the crap being pushed around, I came to realize that I was part of the problem. Albeit I never took to social media to spew threats, insults, and hate, I did complain privately to fellow ARMY about how horrible XYZ fandoms were. This is where fans go wrong and overstep their boundaries. It’s okay to dislike an idol group and their fanbase, but you don’t have to be a raging dick about it. If you can’t take the crap said about your ult or your fandom, don’t dish it out. What’s that saying? “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.” How hard is that? “STAY IN YOUR LANE!” “FOCUS ON YOUR FAVES!” Every fandom reverts to ideas like these.

No fandom is devoid of toxicity. No fandom is made up entirely of saints. Why then do so many feign ignorance and pretend that they are guiltless of the words and actions they condemn others for? So many refuse to understand the severity of their hate filled words, blind to just how scary it actually is. Words can be more dangerous than you can imagine. Words can lead to action. Threats can become reality. The world is already going to hell in a handbasket. There is enough pain and sadness plaguing the world. Why do we have to ruin everything? Why can’t we enjoy ONE THING without it becoming a cesspool of negativity and an endless bitchfest? Ironcially, I am bitching. UGH!

Can’t we just enjoy Kpop?

[kimsaena88]

There is something I want to address today that I have been sitting on for a while. I have allowed myself time to observe and digest the growing debate surrounding BTS and their possible exemption from their mandatory military service before speaking on it. Although this is a very sensitive subject, I wanted to share my thoughts on the issue not just as K-ARMY, but as a Korean in general. I know that many I-ARMY wish for BTS to be exempt from the military, solely based on the basis of the opinion that “they deserve it,” but it’s not that simple. When considering the duty of mandatory military service, one must keep in mind what it truly means to Korea to serve. It has been considered almost a right of passage to manhood for Korean men, as well as a reminder of pride in country, and all that is still at stake for the nation. It may not seem like it, but the two Koreas are still at war, as no peace treaty was ever signed. It should come as no surprise that the South wants to be prepared, because as we’ve seen with the war in Ukraine, anything can happen in the blink of an eye.

The national debate on mandatory military service and exemptions has been going on for decades, and the word “sensitive” is an understatement to the enormity of it all. Since the Alternative Military Act was first established for artists, athletes, and industry experts in order to promote national prestige and cultural development in 1973, Koreans have been divided on the fairness of alternative service. It has been a hot button issue in recent times due to the low birth rate in Korea, resulting in low numbers of soldiers. To make matters worse, the men who once would have been exempted for poor health are now forced to enlist. To top it all off, the persisting poor treatment and pay for enlisted soldiers has compounded the dissension.

Right now, BTS is at the forefront of the debate. As unfortunate as it is that BTS has to be surrounded by such controversy, it has forced the government to really heed the concerns of the nation and its continued conscription of the country’s men. To better explain the debate, it’s best to first understand the history of exemptions, and how BTS may be the catalyst for yet another change in the law. About two weeks ago, I read an in depth article that puts this into perspective. I will share the article, since I believe it would be insightful into understanding why exemptions exist, how it’s determined, and why BTS is being considered.

[D-eye] "팬텀싱어도, 미스터트롯도 안 갔는데"…방탄소년단, 낡은 병역법의 한계

# '복면가왕' (2021). ‘바리톤’ 김주택이 등장했다. 그리고 올라오는 자막. 깊고 풍부한 목소리/ 섬세한 테크닉과 감정 연기/ 툴루즈 국제 성악 콩쿠르 1위 / 유럽 클래식계 떠오르는 차세대 바리톤 김주택 #

The debate surrounding the possible exemption of BTS took off in 2018, but it boiled over last month. As many know, the Communications Chief of HYBE had made some controversial statements that rubbed the public the wrong way. K-ARMY were upset with the CCO for seemingly putting Jin and the rest of BTS on the chopping block for the media to tear into, whereas many of the public were left with conflicting opinions on the matter and how it was being handled by BTS, HYBE, and the government. Since then, other public figures have added to the voices on either side of the isle. I will share a link that focuses on the current state of the debate, and how it has led to the military service system to be revisited and discussed.

BTS 아이돌 최초 병역특례? [탐사보도 뉴스프리즘]

BTS 아이돌 최초 병역특례? [탐사보도 뉴스프리즘] [오프닝: 이광빈 기자] 시민의 눈높이에서 질문하고, 한국 사회에 화두를 던지며, 더 나은 내일을 만들어 가는 <뉴스프리즘

What’s important to note is what significant changes are being discussed due to the growing debate, that of which could have a lasting positive effect on Korea. I’ve seen mentions of establishing a recruitment system, open to both men and women, that pays a respectable salary. This in turn could provide many job opportunities within the military for countless young people, who are struggling as a result of the highly competitive job market. I’ve seen it referred to as the “4th Industrial Revolution” of Korea.

Although I cannot speak for everyone, I believe that whatever conclusion is reached concerning BTS, it must be respected. However, I really do hope that the debate ends well, in favor of the betterment of the nation, not just for BTS. Only time will tell.

[kimsaena88]

It’s been a while since I last made a post, but last night was special! BTS was nominated for yet another Grammy and took to the stage with a song of their own! I am so proud of them and all that they continue to achieve in an industry that has not been so inviting to Asian artists in the mainstream. Without a doubt, even though they did not win a Grammy, they absolutely did not leave empty handed. They got to do what many artists in Korea, in Asia, and around the world, could only dream about. Being nominated by the Academy is a big deal, and for them to be nominated twice is already so amazing. K-ARMY and the general public in Korea, and neighboring countries like Japan, were rooting for BTS, and were there to share words of support and love to our boys. I saw many messages of thanks and words of pride for what BTS represented at such a prestigious, world-renowned awards show.

It truly does mean a lot to Korea and Asians around the world to see BTS on the Grammy stage and being regarded as artists worthy of recognition. The shared hope is that the future will be more inclusive of Asian artists, foreign artists, of everyone no matter where they come from or what languages they speak. I’ve said it before, and I will reiterate it again, the Grammys are a dream for Asian artists like BTS. Some may not fully understand why foreign artists care so much for awards like the Grammys, but these awards are seen as on par with a gold medal won at the Olympics. If you can be nominated, let alone win, you have brought pride and joy to your country.

Korea is beyond proud of the boys, and there is an overwhelming sense of gratitude to all that they have achieved, not just for themselves, but for the country. It really is hard to explain why it’s so important to Korea to those who do not come from an Asian upbringing. Pride in Asian cultures is so deeply engrained in history and is ever true today. It is no joke that BTS represents Korea on the world stage, and Korea is proud of all that they have been able to do for their country.

One of my favorite moments of the night was when Trevor Noah (love him) spoke in Korean, referencing “Squid Game” by singing “무궁화 꽃이 피었습니다”. I was cracking up like the boys! It was so cute and funny, and it brought attention to the Korean language. It made my heart happy to hear it spoken so sweetly by Trevor. I must say that his pronunciation was actually quite good! To have BTS sitting there with Trevor and having a “Squid Game” reference all in the same moment, was kind of surreal. When I tell you that my heart soared as I laughed, it really did. I cannot express the happiness and pride I felt for this silly moment.

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 😆😆

Surprisingly, one of my other favorite moments of the night was when BTS lost. It was how the boys accepted their loss graciously, laughing and hugging each other. They were holding hands and high-fiving. They clapped and cheered for Doja Cat and SZA as they accepted their award. They didn’t let themselves be put out by the loss, but rather they celebrated the moment. BTS truly are “squad goals.” The genuine love and support they have in one another is wonderful and beautiful to witness. I can say in all confidence that their positive attitude and the love they share for one another is what really got them this far. Many ARMY have said that it was the boys themselves that sealed the deal for them as fans. The music, their performances, their visuals are what catches the attention, but it’s the personalities of the boys that hooks us in. Their flaws, their struggles, their ambitions, their dreams make them human. Their humor, their chaotic shenanigans, and their family like bond make them wholesome and easy to love. “Ride or Die” at it’s finest!

But, of course, the highlight was indeed their stellar performance of “Butter”! BTS knows how to dominate a performance even when presented with challenges. Hobi and JK just recovered from Covid, Hobi literally arrived stateside just the other day, and Jin is still recovering from his surgery. They only got to rehearse as a group for one day, the day right before the ceremony (with a run-through before the show started). Their talent and showmanship are truly admirable, and their teamwork is out of this world. AND THAT DANCE BREAK!!! How cool was that?! Seriously, what can’t they do?! My sister and I were in awe the whole time!!! They’re simply remarkable! It was such a fun and impressive performance! I’m so proud of them!!!

All in all, it was a great night for BTS, for ARMY, for Korea, for Asians. For BTS to be recognized by the Academy is already enough. They are already winners. All that they have achieved and the barriers that they continue to break through is what really, truly counts. Who knows what the future holds for BTS, but what we can be certain of is BTS will continue to work hard, be passionate about the stage, and will make us proud no matter what!!!

방탄이들~!!! 모두들 고생많으셨습니다!!!!! 🤩🤩

우리 방탄이들 엄청 많이 자랑스러워요!!!!! 💜💜

[kimsaena88]

It didn’t take long for me to become aware of how scary social media can be after I first sought out to learn more about BTS. I learned pretty quickly that the anti rhetoric was just as present inside ARMY as it was outside the fandom. Growing up, I was always aware of the nastiness exhibited by the netizens in Korea, from “fans” to the general public alike. From harmful rumors, insults, and death threats, I had known of the vulgarity of these netizens pretty early on. As a result, even being stateside, I had always kept my social media exposure to a minimum, fearing how it would affect me as a person, let alone a fan. However, BTS brought out a sense of comfort and confidence I hadn’t felt before, and I really wanted to connect with other fans. I wanted to learn all I could about BTS, and I thought that there would be no better way than to expand my mind, and explore what ARMY was all about. Unfortunately, my fears have been proven right, time and time again since becoming an ARMY.

Just when I think things can’t get any worse, they always do. I always fool myself into believing that I have become desensitized to the hate and negativity, and I end up being more disappointed than I already was. To start with, not even 24 hours ago, V was made aware on Weverse of an offensive and impertinent Youtuber who makes defamation videos against him and those he cares about. He was rightfully upset, and made it clear that he was not going to stand by and let it slide. V didn’t beat around the bush, and not only did he strongly denounce this type of disrespectful behavior, he made sure it was understood that there would and should be consequences.

Needless to say, I was proud of him for speaking up, as long overdue as it was. It really made me wonder just how much the members of BTS have seen of this type of unacceptable behavior, but have bit their tongues in hopes of keeping things from boiling over. I have to say, though, that I’m not surprised it ended up being V to lay down the gauntlet, and say what needed to be said. He’s addressed the crazies and their nasty behavior before, albeit his words often go unheeded by those who need to hear it most. V is a very outspoken person, so it always amazes me that so many who claim to be his “fans,” or ARMY, choose to ignore his concerns completely, and put words into his mouth. After today, I really hope antis and “fans” think twice about their behavior, but I’m not holding my breath. The Youtuber in question has already mocked V on SNS, so we’re already off to a bad start.

Over the last week or so, I couldn’t help but notice how solo stans and the fake ARMYs have become just as brazen as the BTS antis. I know I shouldn’t be shocked by it, but it still disappoints me whenever I see “fans” compare the talents and achievements of the members, degrading and insulting the member or members they hate and feel are inferior to their bias. Just the other day, Jin solos and JM solos were at each other’s throats, hurling insults and resorting to low blows in order to elevate their favorite above the other. It was equally embarrassing and sad to witness. How can these people sleep at night with all of that hate and spite in their hearts, infecting their minds to speak with malicious intent? I just don’t get it.

Seriously, how can any of them call themselves “fans”? They are obviously not ARMY. If you feel the need to tear down other BTS members, negate their talents and achievements, and run with false narratives, YOU ARE NOT ARMY! Sad thing is, a lot of these individuals will outright admit that they are solos. It truly is disturbing. But those I am more unsettled by are those who claim to be ARMY, but are so hellbent on berating, degrading, and destroying one or two members, for whatever their baseless reasoning is. Just like solos, many of these fake ARMY will unashamedly admit that they are OT6ers (etc.), while parading themselves around as “real” ARMY. I’ve noticed a trend with these types of fake fans. They act like they know EVERYTHING about each member of BTS, as well as their company, and even their friends and families. It’s truly disturbing and sickening that these unhinged people are a part of our fandom, and they seem to either be growing in number or are simply no longer ashamed in being honest about their views.

Any “fan” who exhibits this type of behavior, and resorts to degradation, insults, and false narratives needs to understand that they are more of a hindrance to their bias(es) than they are a support. As a “fan,” if you must always negate everything, and resort to hate, threats, and malicious rhetoric, and rely on unsupported claims, odds are you are wrong or misguided. How many times does V have to say, “Please love all 7 of us,” before it actually penetrates your thick skull? How much more love and respect do the boys need to show each other before you can do the same? It’s not about what you want or think. None of us have a say in what they do, what they think, or what they feel. It is not your life, your relationships, or your career. Either be a true ARMY, and respect them as fellow humans, or see your way out. BTS does not have time for your shit. Nor does ARMY. It’s already bad enough that BTS gets slandered by antis and other fandoms; why do you need to add to it? Do you not have anything better to do?

If your attachment to BTS revolves around spreading hate and your insecure opinions of them, you are wasting everyone’s time, including your own. BTS’s message has always been one against misjudgment, ignorance, and bullying, so if you can’t and won’t follow their lead, what are you trying to achieve or gain? Have you already forgotten their work with UNICEF to end bullying and violence, and to encourage acts of kindness? Honestly, it really doesn’t make any logical sense to be a “fan” of BTS while bullying and belittling other fans and/or BTS members. Whenever I see this garbage, I swear I can almost hear my eyes rolling from how stupid these people are. How can anyone be so incompetent and hypocritical?

I really do worry that things are just going to continue to go downhill with all of this absurd nonsense. It’s all completely unnecessary and avoidable, but it just seems there is no end in sight. I’m just waiting for shit to hit the fan. At this rate, it won’t be long before these “fans” get a rude awakening from BTS themselves. V’s already gotten that ball rolling. Maybe one day soon ARMY will finally be purged of all the toxicity that’s been poisoning our fandom. Good riddance.

[kimsaena88]

After giving myself time to sort through the mess of the other day, and decompress, I want to address this vile behavior we all witnessed occur on social media. With the members of BTS creating their own personal Instagram accounts, and posting personal photos/videos, many “fans” have jumped on the opportunity to feel vindicated about their twisted beliefs of the members and their relationships. Unless you live under a rock, if you are ARMY, you are aware of the infighting between “fans” in the defense of their ships and favored members. Over the years, it has gotten increasingly disturbing and completely out of hand. However, in the last few days, the worst of this fandom have seemed to hit a new low. I haven’t spoke much on my thoughts on certain BTS ships and the “fans” who ship them, but I felt compelled to, even if just for myself.

With V and JK both posting pictures together, there were some Vkook shippers who decided it was their right to take this as “proof” of their ship. But instead of simply enjoying the pictures, they sullied the moment by posting hateful anti JM comments and messages all over social media. With malicious intent, many of these posts were aimed at JM himself, in hopes that he would see how much he’s “hated” by V and JK, and everyone else. However, all that achieved was an outpouring by REAL ARMY, flooding social media with positive messages of love and support for JM and BTS as a whole.

One thing I want to emphasize here is that we as a fandom do not own BTS, and what we get to see of them is not the whole entire picture. We can speculate. We can wonder. BUT, we won’t know anything 100% unless it comes directly from their own mouths. With the content we do get, it is clear that all 7 members love and care for each other deeply. That would be hard to fake; with how often cameras are following them around. The problem is, too many in this fandom pick and choose what they want to believe and what they want to ignore. Too often, shippers (and even solo stans) will create false narratives based purely in speculation, hyper focusing on meaningless details, and overanalyzing every last word, look, and touch. This bleeds into how easy it is for shippers to believe just about anything they read online, including unverified sightings and claims of their ships going on “secret dates” or traveling together.

This brings me to the pictures that JK recently uploaded to his Instagram of him and V. Not only did these pictures cause many Vkookers to claim this as a silent “coming out,” and a chance to deface JM, but it has also become their “proof” of the Vkook “dinner date” rumor. After JK posted those pictures, the owner of the Atomix restaurant in NYC posted this:

Many Vkookers, both Korean and International, took this as evidence enough to prove the “dinner date” rumor, and a nonverbal admission of their relationship status. They also tacked on the fact that Hobi could not remember when this would have taken place, which they then concluded to mean that Hobi and the others, were not there. What I find funny, and hypocritical, is shippers (not just Vkookers) will be quick to accept certain behaviors as “proof” of their ship’s realness, such as going out for a meal together, but negate the same behaviors exhibited by rival ships as “fake,” “forced,” or “brotherly.”

In terms of this “dinner date,” until proven otherwise, one can choose to see it as a meal over drinks between friends or a date night between lovers. The issue here is that we KNOW they are friends, but we have NO WAY of KNOWING that they are a couple. Same with any other ship, we JUST DON’T KNOW 100%. Some ships hold more water with K-ARMY for reasons that I-ARMY are lost on for multiple reasons, but that is a whole other can of worms I’m not about to open. Regardless, no one has the right to speak on what is true or not other than BTS themselves. Despite what I’m aware of, I still cannot say with 100% certainty that I KNOW the nature of JK and JM’s relationship, any more than I can about JK and V, or any other combination within BTS. I don’t know who is closer to who, or anything else. And odds are, no one else in the fandom knows 100% either.

In all honesty, if V and JK did in fact have drinks and dinner alone, I’d be glad. If you remember back to FESTA 2020 “Rolling Paper,” fans were made aware that something was up with V, and the members were concerned, reaching out to him. It was pretty clear that none of the members were entirely sure what was wrong, but they could still tell something wasn’t alright with V. Then, during the infamous talk between V and JK in an episode of “In the Soop,” V mentioned JK calling him, asking to meet for drinks, only for them to have not shared a “proper” drink together until that very night. Some time later, V mentioned in his Weverse interview, that he had experienced his lowest point, and had struggled with how his life felt aimless. However, after writing “Blue & Grey,” V said he felt lighter, wanting to let go of his own “Blue & Grey.” With all of that in mind, it makes sense that V may have pulled away from those he was closest to for a while; it’s a natural human response to feeling unhappy and being stretched too thin. V wanting to reconnect with JK would be key in his healing process, considering how close they were when they were teens. That’s what makes that conversation between V and JK so special.

I’ve noticed that some Vkookers choose to believe that this conversation from “In the Soop” was scripted and forced upon them by the company, refusing to believe the words coming out of V and JK’s mouths. They chose to ignore the beauty and vulnerability of this moment, and instead they harped on how “fake” it was. It couldn’t be true, unless it’s accepted that V and JK had grown apart for some time, as per their own words. If one is to accept this fact, then it is only logical to accept that the odds of V and JK being a couple at that time were very low. Therefore, it’s not surprising that so many Vkookers denounced this conversation, and created their own narrative that fit their own beliefs of V and JK’s relationship. Sadly, the opposite would be true if there was a change in who what talking to JK. Replace V with JM, and the reaction from this same base of “fans” would be very different. It would have been the “proof” they needed to show how JK and JM are not close, and therefore could not be a couple. Do you see the hypocrisy there? There’s no way you don’t. This is an example of a logical fallacy, and this is just one of many within the shipping fandom.

[TW: Mention of depression and suicide, hate posts]

What I wanted to get at here in this long winded post is how dangerous shipping logic (or better yet, lack thereof) has become, where reality is easily replaced with fantasy. This fantasy has surmounted in this deranged mentality of ownership of BTS and this perceived notion of knowing everything, allowing for bdelygmia to become an everyday occurrence in this fandom. Belittling, degrading, insulting, abusive and violent words, death threats, and demands for a member to kill themselves has become rampant on social media, and it is nothing short of disturbing. Any use of this type of rhetoric against ANY member of BTS, OR ANYONE ELSE, is unacceptable. THIS NEEDS TO STOP! I know I’ve touched on this before, but we have seen one too many times before how this can ACTUALLY LEAD TO SUICIDE! Too many have succumbed to their depression, hastened by the nasty, hateful comments left by senseless netizens hiding behind a keyboard. Suicide is NOT A JOKE! Please, do not allow your fantasies to cloud your better judgment. The world is not black and white, and you, as a fan, cannot assume to color in the lines for someone else, let alone your ships or favorite idols. Be thankful for what they share with you, heed their words, learn to observe ALL CONTENT before you come to any perceived conclusions, and NEVER ASSUME ANYTHING!

I fear this will only get worse. I fear someone could actually get hurt. What more has to happen until something changes?

I just don’t know.

[kimsaena88]

Although this may be a bit late (late flight and having to work the next day), I just had to make a quick post about my first BTS concert experience!

Needless to say, THEY WERE AMAZING!! It was everything I could have imagined and more!! They looked and sounded great, and they exceeded my expectations (I mean, how?!)!! After hearing that they were a bit nervous for that first night, and seeing footage from Day-2, it was apparent that they were indeed a bit anxious to be on stage on Day-1. They were far more playful on Day-2, and being their normal rambunctious selves. Day-1 they really focused on putting on a flawless show, and seemed more serious, wanting their first real live show in front of ARMYs to be an impressive one (a show they felt ARMYs deserved, I’m sure). And, did they ever deliver!

I seriously cannot wait until I can see them again. Every last bit of that concert was exhilarating and emotional, and just so satisfying. I may not have ugly cried like I thought I would (my best friend cried a bunch), but I did tear up a couple times, especially during RM’s ending ment. I feel as though I was too happy to cry, getting over the bitterness of the loss of their MOTS 7 Tour. With RM’s words reflecting my own feelings, I knew that better things are to come, and that our boys will get to perform for more and more ARMYs in the near future! Hopefully, Covid will “Get the Hell Out,” in the wise words of RM, and the boys can have a proper tour soon!! I will definitely go see them again, no matter what!!!

I was so over the moon, and too busy screaming and singing along, that I failed to take any pictures or record any videos during the show, but I did take some photos beforehand. Instead, my mom and sister recorded some videos, so I at least have those (lol).

Since there are many videos already out there, I’ll share just a short clip my mom recorded

I really hope all ARMY get to see them live at least once! It’s hard for me to describe it in words, but it feels as though it were all a dream! It was so surreal, and went by in a flash!! It really was so much fun! It’ll be an experience I remember forever!! (Notice all the exclamation points hahaha)

보라해 방탄 💜 보라해 아미💜

[kimsaena88]

Tomorrow is THE DAY!!! We flew out this morning and have been exploring LA all day today!! ARMY HAVE BEEN EVERYWHERE!! The airport, the plane, and ALL OVER LA!!! It was fun running into ARMY, or spotting them!! All the ARMY we met were like old friends, and everyone was so friendly!! Young and old, all genders and races... It was wonderful!!

Tomorrow will be even more amazing 와ㅏㅏㅏㅏㅏㅏㅏㅏㅏㅏ완전 신나ㅏㅏㅏ 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

[kimsaena88]

BTS are truly making history! At the AMAs, not only did they win all 3 awards they were nominated for, they also won the biggest award of the night! But what is most important here is that by winning “Artist of the Year,” they became the FIRST Asian act (domestic or foreign) in history to be awarded the top honor of ANY American music awards show! My heart was so happy as I watched them accept this much deserved award, and my face hurt from smiling so much. This was truly a remarkable night for not just them, but all Asians!

Growing up listening to Kpop, watching it evolve and expand, has been so rewarding. When I allow myself to look back, I can still remember when I realized that Kpop had become global. As Kpop took off, amassing millions of fans all around the world, it felt amazing to know that my culture and the music I know and love was being accepted and cherished by so many. As a Korean, as an Asian, I cannot express the pride that I feel with the new heights BTS has brought not just Kpop, but my country, my people, and Asians everywhere.

For the longest time, even with the booming international popularity of Kpop within the last 10 years or so, I never imagined a Korean artist bringing home such an award. That is, until BTS. With every new accolade BTS achieved, I actually started to entertain the thought that a Korean musician could be nominated and potentially win the biggest award at an American awards show. I started to dream big, right alongside BTS! I know it may seem trivial to some. I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but for Koreans, for Asians, this is HUGE! For those who are a part of the Asian community, this was a win for us all.

I’ve mentioned before that Asian artists, both domestic and foreign, have historically been mostly ignored by the American music industry and the public, and have not been taken seriously. To witness BTS make stride after stride, and break down barrier after barrier for Asians, I can’t help but be filled with pride as an ARMY, as an Asian, and as a Korean. Every single time they defeat the odds, every single time they break a record, every single time they make history, I am filled with a happiness that cannot be expressed in words. I really cannot tell you just how much it means to me, to my family and friends, to Korea, to Asians.

I truly am honored to call myself ARMY! BTS has changed my life, and has gifted me in so many ways. I will forever be grateful for all that they have given me. I cherish and adore them so much!

And to think, by the end of this week, I will be with thousands of other ARMY, experiencing BTS live in concert! I cannot wait!

Thank you very 감사~ BTS!

자랑스러운 우리 탄이들! 💜💜

[kimsaena88]

As the last online concert for the time being, the “Permission To Dance On Stage” show was quite an emotional experience for me, although probably not as much as it was for BTS. I’m in awe of the boys for taking on such a challenge, both in terms of the physical and the emotional. Physically speaking, the set list was devoid of any solo or subunit performances. All seven of them, including an injured V, had to pour themselves into each performance, with very little time in between, unlike what they are used to. As they kept mentioning, they really wanted to take this opportunity to have all of the members together to fill the entire show. With their MOTS 7 tour being scrapped, and having to resort to online concerts, the guys have missed the stage, and performing for their fans. This show, along with the four shows in LA, feels as though it was not meant to follow the typical concept of their tour concerts, but rather more of a dedication to what they are made of. They really went all out, showcasing why they are held in such high esteem. With a selection of their greatest hits, ranging in emotion, style, and tempo, they embraced such a difficult task of pushing themselves to the limit in order to pull out all the stops for both new and old ARMY. It seems they wanted to share their history, pay homage to what elevated them to new heights, and provide each fan with something to enjoy. Needless to say, this concert was physically taxing for them. We’ve seen in the past how spent they are in between sets, collapsing to the floor, gasping for breath. It’s not new. We know they always give us the best that they can, even if they aren’t satisfied with the results. This show was no different.

What seemed to be at the core of it all was how emotionally draining this show was for BTS. Performance is their passion, and the fans are their lifeblood. When one is missing, they aren’t really living. As the pandemic wears on, they have been trying to hold onto what drives them, but it’s obviously been getting more difficult. As Suga said, “it all seems like a dream” when he looks back on the last concerts they held in the same place, the Olympic Stadium, almost two years ago. It almost doesn’t feel real anymore, and that distant feeling can immensely affect ones’ physical drive. Imagine performing for no one, when you are used to seeing a sea of lights and hearing waves of voices. The emptiness would be jarring to say the least. It would feel even emptier knowing that in just a few short weeks, they’ll be performing in front of their fans again. They just had to hold on for this one last online show, but by the end, it was apparent that all seven of them were lamenting the loss of time wasted by the pandemic (moreso for Jin, as his enlistment date nears). Almost two years without fans. Almost two years without a proper live concert. Being thrown back into an expansive stadium without a single fan would be devastating. I can only imagine that by the time they reached the encore, stepping back up on stage to see no one there, they were despondent and worn down. It doesn’t help that the songs they chose for the encore, as loved as they are by both the band and their fans, tug at the heartstrings, especially “봄날 (Spring Day)”. Having to perform such a song of desperately missing someone and promising to reunite, in their situation, would unsurprisingly result in a more subdued encore than what both BTS and ARMY are used to or expect from them.

I think these feelings were weighing them down from the start, especially for V, but they managed to pull through most of the show out of sheer willpower to put on a great final online show before they can meet their fans once again. But, as I said, it just got harder to do as the show neared its end. What really put it into perspective was their ending ments before they performed “Permission To Dance”. In Korean, their words were heavier than the translations, even as they tried to be funny or positive. I noticed on the I-ARMY side, there was a lot of mixed conversation, seemingly split on how well the show went, unsure of what to make of the set list and the loss of energy towards the end. K-ARMY, on the other hand, were very responsive, and flooded social media with words of support, encouragement, praise, and love for our boys. However, for me, just knowing that they were looking out at thousands of empty seats as they spoke these heavyhearted words gave me pause, and an overwhelming sense of sadness. They must be dying to perform for their fans. They probably want and need it more than ARMY does.

“Permission To Dance On Stage” was more than what was on the surface. BTS gave us their all, despite their heartache, and I am both grateful and proud of them and their efforts. And, in hindsight, the name of the show is very fitting. They just want to perform, no bars held. They just want to dance with passion and fire again with us. When BTS is reunited with ARMY, the spark will return, and they will roar back to life. I cannot wait to witness their renewed drive, and see the light return to their eyes. That first day is going to be an emotional, but happy, day for everyone. It will be a once in a lifetime experience. I am beyond ready!

방탄 방탄 방방탄~!! 🥳🥳

아자아자 화이팅~!! 💜💜

[kimsaena88]

Social media certainly has become a cesspool for spreading rumors, creating false narratives, and insulting complete strangers whose business does not belong to the public. What happened with Taehyung was unacceptable, and he has every right to be upset. How quickly the rumors spread, from both antis and “fans” (TK shippers) alike was disturbing, and even more disappointing when the media took advantage of it. It’s interesting to note that not even a few months ago there were multiple articles featured in Korean media focusing on BTS’s lack of dating rumors and scandals. What are the odds that something like this occurred in such short time?

As I observed this unfold, I was disgusted by the utter disregard and disrespect of privacy for Taehyung, as well as for all celebrities. I’ve heard the cliché, “They knew what they were getting themselves into when they decided to become famous; if they didn’t want to lose their privacy, they shouldn’t have become famous,” before. I’m sure we all have. The problem is, though, that such an opinion is dangerous and can lead to issues like this. No matter what someone’s status is, there should always be boundaries and rights to privacy. The fact that this is lost on many nowadays, shocks me, even though it shouldn’t.

One of the glaring truths to come out of this situation was the fact that it was spread in both Korean and international spheres. The antis and the “fans” that took part were both domestic and global. International ARMY should know that K netizens and K-ARMY are not innocent by any means. I cannot stress enough that although K-ARMY is mostly respectful of the boys’ privacy, there are those who go too far. And, if I’m going to be completely honest, Korean BTS antis, and K netizens for that matter, are far scarier than their international counterparts. Maybe it’s because I’m Korean, but their words just seem to cut deeper and leave an extra bad taste in my mouth.

What’s most important to note here is that Taehyung made it known that he was aware of the rumors, and was transparent in his disgust and disappointment. The sad thing is that this isn’t the first time Taehyung has addressed the breach of privacy and false narratives before. He rather bluntly shut down a TK shipper on Weverse years ago, and also mentioned his concerns and discomfort with sasaengs/stalkers in a VLive. He isn’t afraid to speak on such things, and I respect him for that. However, it seems as though his words, and feelings, fell on deaf ears. Once again, his privacy has been invaded, resulting in baseless and hurtful rumors and threats, not just against him, but others who were involved as well.

[TW: Mention of depression and suicide]

Let this be a lesson. For those who think BTS, or any other idol or celebrity, will not be exposed to the rumors and negativity that spread like wildfire online, please take note of what has happened here. You, nor anyone else, are entitled to mess with the privacy of anyone else, no matter who they are. Be respectful and mindful of what you say in regards to someone else, including those who are famous. They are people, too. Their feelings are just as real and important as yours or anyone else’s. I shouldn’t have to remind anyone of the suicides of idols and other celebrities who suffered from crippling depression caused by the harsh criticism, rumors, and heartless words of antis and “fans” found all over social media. It happens far too often.

This is not something to be taken lightly. This is not a joke. This is a serious problem that gets swept under the rug far too often. We need to be better than this. Please, if you see this type of behavior, whether it be the spreading of rumors, invasion of privacy, or dangerous/harmful/violent rhetoric, report it. Be supportive when and where you can. You’ll be surprised how much your kind words can help. Encourage respect and the rights to privacy. Be the positive change that social media most desperately needs right now. We may not be able to put a full stop to the toxicity, but we can provide some relief from it. 

[kimsaena88]

After I had decided to close my blog, I had struggled to actually deactivate. I knew I needed time away, but I had shared so much of my thoughts and feelings, that I couldn’t heart completely abandoning it. Many had reached out to me, both in the comments and through private messages, offering warm words of support and understanding. Many expressed how much they related to and enjoyed my posts and were sad to see me go, but they wished me the best all the same. I cried. Their kind and encouraging words meant so much to me. Still, I knew I needed to walk away for a while.

A few days ago, I had checked back in, just to see. Somehow, in my absence, I had gained more followers, despite my closing post. I was shocked. I was thankful. At the same time, I was unsure if I wanted to return to making posts. I struggled to stay motivated in the aftermath of yet another heartbreak. Once again, I felt I needed to leave.

Unbeknownst to me, I had received a private message yesterday morning. Late in the evening, something told me to just check. I saw I had a new message from an unfamiliar name, and everything changed. Every word resonated deep in my heart. As a fellow POC, they shared how they struggle to speak their truth, fearing the response from past experiences. Just like me, BTS means a lot to them, as a racial and ethnic minority. They too feel it is important to point out the racism and double standards that BTS experiences in America and its biased market.

Their parting words gave me comfort, and a revitalized urge to speak myself:

“Reading your closing statement made me think a lot about how these spaces make me feel. I relate to what you wrote a lot. I just wanted to let you know that. I hope you find peace and restore what was depleted on tumblr. I will always appreciate the things you gave.”

A lump formed in my throat. My heart instantly felt full. They couldn’t have possibly known this, but their message came when I needed it most.

I felt heard. I felt understood. I finally, truly realized that my words do matter, and that my feelings are valid. I don't need to run away. I can help make a positive space for ARMY. I want to be a safe place for ARMY, and anyone else, who needs it. If sharing my thoughts and feelings will help even one person feel safe and understood, that’s more than reason enough for me to resume my blog.

I am glad to say that I am back! Albeit, I may not post all the time, and will always consider my needs first, but I will post when I can!!

열심히 하겠습니다! 💜💜

Aside from tumblr, I am excited to share that I am going to finally get to see BTS live in concert! My best friend and I had purchased tickets for two dates of their MOTS 7 tour last year. But as we all know, Covid had other plans. We held onto our tickets all the way up until the tour was officially canceled. Needless to say, we did not hesitate to try our luck again! We managed to score some amazing seats! My sister, my mom, and some new friends are coming too! My mom actually cried when she heard that BTS were finally going to get to perform for their fans again! I’m not surprised though, since this lady calls BTS her sons, never fails to mention how proud of them she is, and has gotten teary eyed more than once at the mention of them (she even cried listening to Magic Shop)!

I can’t wait! The odds of them performing songs from MOTS 7, BE, and their American singles are high, so I’m extremely excited! I’m absolutely over the moon! I know the boys will be just as happy (if not happier) to see ARMY as we are to see them! TEARS WILL BE SHED! I have a feeling I'm going to ugly cry at least once, or twice hahaha 💜💜

[kimsaena88]

Recently, I’ve been reminiscing of the past, recalling fond childhood memories. There’s this memory I keep going back to, singing and dancing in my grandparent’s small apartment, watching music programs like 가요톱10 (now known as Music Bank). I can still picture it. Hear it. It makes me smile thinking back on those performances of Korea’s first idols and idol bands, from the Kpop blueprint H.O.T, and Korea’s Madonna 엄정화, to Korean-American hip-hop group Uptown. So many groups and solo artists come back into the forefront of my mind, reminding myself of the start of Kpop’s story. I’ve been experiencing nostalgia for the feeling Kpop used to give me, wanting to go back when things were simpler.

Maybe it’s because I was young, or maybe it was because there was no social media the way we know it today. Whatever it was, my memories of Kpop/Kmusic growing up compared to my experiences now are far happier and less disheartening. Don’t get me wrong, there were fanwars even at the beginning of Kpop, most notably between the fans of H.O.T (White Angels) and 젝스키스 (DSF), with fans spreading false rumors about the other band, and the fanclubs fighting each other face to face! However, back then, it was much easier to ignore or avoid the drama than it is today.

As Kpop grew, reaching newer and bigger audiences, and as technology tethered us all together, there was a drastic change in how Kpop rhetoric functioned. The negativity saturated every corner of social media, and it has become inescapable. Whether it be from antis or even within a single fandom, the hate, the anger, the fighting, the threats that we experience and witness as fans of ANY Kpop idol or group has become unavoidable, disturbing, and at times heartbreaking.

For the longest time, I mostly kept to myself, limiting how much I let myself get involved with other fans and online spaces. However, since late last year, I’ve been trying to be more social and active as a fan of BTS. The fandom had seemed so welcoming. It was great at first, but the longer I stayed online, the more disappointed I became. I started to dwell on what others thought, agonizing over the bullshit that seemed to endlessly build. It was bad enough when it was from outside of the fandom, but when it started to happen amongst ARMY, it accelerated at an alarming rate. From the senseless shipwars, the rabid solo stans, the disturbed OT6ers, and the overly analytical “fans” who have forgotten how to simply enjoy things, it has become too much.

As I said before, I do believe that ARMY is mostly good. I really do. Unfortunately though, the loudest ones tend to be those who are ignorant of Koreans and selfish in their expectations, stanning BTS for all the wrong reasons. If you consider yourself ARMY or a fan, but their music and message are not what hooked you, or what you focus on, you might be one of these people. If you have never or no longer care for their music, their message, or the members as individuals and real people, there really is no reason to continue pretending to be a fan. Why drag those who actually care down with you? What’s the point?

I’ve been trying to stay positive over the last few months, especially with all of what BTS has achieved as of late. It truly is remarkable what they have been able to do for Korea, for Asians, and for music, changing the outdated traditions of the global industry. And I was doing okay, for the most part. However, I’ve been let down in a more personal sense, closer to my heart. A connection has been failing for some time, and now I think it has been lost. I now want to go back to how it was before.

In that vein, I’m closing my blog with a heavy but grateful heart. I would like to send many thanks to all of you who have shown my posts much love, despite my habit of rambling on for too long.

I hope this makes sense. What I mean is, follow what’s best for your mental and emotional health. You can still be part of a fandom, part of ARMY, even if you don’t engage. It’s okay. BTS is still BTS, and you are still you. As long as you know yourself, and love yourself the way you are, you’re set.

Thank you, again.

To the good ARMY, you know who you are...

보라해💜💜

[kimsaena88]

I know I sound like a broken record, but I’m so proud of BTS. The speeches they gave at the UNGA were thoughtful and heartwarming, offering words of reassurance of a bright future that we can make a reality. Even with the devastation brought on by the pandemic and climate change, there is still hope, and not all is lost. Change is the way forward. We got this! Their speeches were really healing!

They all did such a great job, despite being on the world stage in front of world leaders! And to think RM's done this once before, all in English!! Talk about nerve wracking! I can only imagine how they were feeling, being one who always gets nervous having to present anything to even a small group of people I already know! They did amazing! And sweet child Jimin was so nervous he was seen clutching his heart afterward!

I’m really glad they chose “Permission To Dance” as the song to perform at the UNGA. It truly is an uplifting and fun song, as much as it is universal. The song is in English, which is known as THE global language, connecting the entire world. It also incorporates international sign language in the choreography, making their performance more inclusive and just that much more meaningful. There’s a video going around of a sign language interpreter stopping to watch the performance instead, breaking into a soft smile watching BTS and the dancers use sign language as a part of their dance. It really warms the soul.

Once again, I am in awe of BTS and their choice to use their platform for such important matters that affect the world. They know that they are now so big and influential, that they have to make their impact count. They want to change the world for the better. They want to help build a better and brighter future. All that they do is truly commendable. RM once said that he hoped that one day ARMY can look back and be proud that they are fans of BTS. He certainly got that right!

I cannot wait to see what else awaits BTS! 💜💜