Kind of a Lady

The Zydeco Lady's personal thoughts, ramblings, spare change and a pocket full of sand, currently mostly about weight loss, line dance, bar drama, and my lack of love life, with a few of my paintings on the side.

[kindofalady]

Them: lol ordering a salad at a restaurant is so weak and girly

Me: *pillaging the salad bar like my Viking ancestors did the coasts of Europe centuries ago. walnuts are crushed between my teeth as the bones of my enemies, balsamic vinaigrette cascades like their blood. suddenly, a cucumber belch shakes the entire building; the stench of red onion surges forth like a conquering army, striking fear into the hearts of the weak*

Also me: (:

[lsleofskye]

Senjahopen | seffis

[actionables]

[toostoked]

art

[mattheuphonium-blog]

This is my fucking favorite thing I’ve ever seen I’m sobbing

[celestial-naiad]

I thought the baby was copying them, but its actually the other way around and now I’m cackling. This is stupid cute.

[aregrettablehullabaloo]

This video clip has watered my crops and cleansed my angry soul!

[anais-ninja-bitch]

a smol choreographer

[lameborghini]

me, jaywalking and making direct eye contact w the car driver that’s barreling toward me: kill me u coward

[rohie-deactivated20191102]

View this post on Instagram

i wasn’t expecting the dance, this is so cute!!

[rohie-deactivated20191102]

the song is jay park - all i wanna do

[icecream-eaterrr]

What in the hell

[thickdaddydandelion-deactivated]

WHAT

[bleknar]

no no its not mood swings its emotional parkour

[inreallifewecould]

[the-movemnt-deactivated20170912]

this is true love y’all (x) | follow @the-movemnt

[screengeniuz]

😂

❤️

[enchantechante]

pls let this be the start of a trend

[warbutt]

retweet this and your dream job will come into your life

[iashvee-deactivated20190311]

I reblogging this just for the fact I want the vibes to be passed on to me and anyone else

[nastyxnate69-deactivated2017051]

Reblogging because…good lord do I need it…

[olearypoetry]

[falsedetective]

5 years ago i was a fucking mess & now i’m a fucking mess but at peace with it and with cooler fashion sense

[beach-city-ghouls-deactivated20]

THIS ONE IS PERFECT THO 😭😭#kirbysDreamLandChallenge #beyonce #singleladies

[omaraladdinsamad-deactivated201]

[jendejen-deactivated20170303]

MY FAVORITE POST EVER

[moonshynecybin]

if you can’t handle me at my cutthroat kitchen alton brown, you don’t deserve me at my good eats alton brown

[beautilation]

The Freaky Ass Furniture of Catherine The Great

This is Catherine The Great. She was a legendary Empress of Russia and ruled longer than any other leader, and she did a damn good job by all accounts. People loved her, she worked hard, she was smart, and she was also one of the proudest motherfucking freaks in HISTORY. She proved to the world that just because you look a little like Lady John Lithgow does not mean you are undesirable, and just because you’re royalty does not mean you can’t be a horny goddess of filth.

There’s this rumor that Catherine’s biggest conquest was a literal goddamn horse, but historians believe that it’s just a sick rumor that some hating ass bitches made up because they were intimidated that a woman could not only be in charge of a country but of her own sexual predilections. HMM, THANK GOD TIMES HAVE CHANGED???

Anyway, Catherine used her money to finance this fuck pad room in her castle that was an homage to doin’ the nasty. Catherine’s Pinterest board must have looked like a fucking PornHub screenshot because this is what that beautiful proud slut decorated her lair with:

A chair that is so classically beautiful and…oh my damn…what in the hell..

IS THAT CHAIR SUCKING A DAMN DICK?

THAT IS THE DEVIL AND HE IS EATING A PUSSY LIKE HELLFIRE’S GONNA SHOOT OUT OF IT

YOU NOT A BAD BITCH UNLESS YOUR OFFICE CHAIR HAS A PANTALOON-LESS VULVA AIRING ITSELF OUT ON IT. 

THERE ARE GIANT WANGS GROWING OUT OF GIANT CHI-CHIS HOLDING UP A CORNUCOPIA OF FINELY-CRAFTED, CLASSICAL ASS, BAROQUE ASS, ROCOCO ASS GENITALS. HOW THE FUCK YOU GONNA GO TO IKEA AFTER THIS SHIT? 

I wish there were more pictures of the original pieces, but in the 50′s some uptight German Army dipshits destroyed her collection because it gave them shameful boners or something. An artist has recreated her utilitarian odes to fuck, but it is truly sad that we cultured skanks can never appreciate such high art in its original glory. Damn, Cathy. Respect.

[dopeybeauty]

aurora skull drags inferior disney men

[kco1006]

Why Aurora is my favorite

[howlwolfie1]

Someone stop this meme its slowly killing me.

[satanslifecoach]

Captain America Civil War + Onion headlines + others

[kindofalady]

I’d like to take a moment to announce

that Captain America : Civil War was absolutely fucking phenomenal, fixed all the problems that I had with Age of Ultron and was, in my eyes, the Avengers 2 that we deserved.  There were a couple of extra things I would have liked, but nothing that I would have done differently.

no spoilers but I’d go see it again.