this is not a place of honor

blog made of dick jokes and alcoholism by a 40 yo cis bi woman, lots of fandom, occasional art and culture with a garnish of leftishness, follow if you can have fun and play along, if no jog on, DNI if you have a strict DNI

[thememedaddy]

[cargopantsman]

@anais-ninja-bitch

[anais-ninja-bitch]

yah, that's p much it. that's the show on this here blog.

[anais-ninja-bitch]

@wordcubed sent me this one with the note of type of shit i would wear, and i agree, but i would also need a crop top

feel free to tell me what the crop top should say

[hollow-head]

big fan of Redwall and @bowelfly's little guys, but i always wonder how whimsical woodland monk critters perform the scholarly side of monkhood. illuminating recipes?? also, for your consideration, hedgehog with a tonsure

[badassdemonsword]

Im dryin up faster than lake mead just thinking about it

[chicknparm]

Futures

Made of

Ethical romantasy

[abistevens]

The Dragon of Bures, 1405. Thought to actually be sightings of King Richard I’s escaped pet crocodile! (A belated completion of a sketch I did for Folktale Week.)

[endreal]

hey Grem. I'm going to meet a girl soon (a girl is a type of human) (im a human too for context) and im worried im going to say or do something really weird. how can i stay confident?

I have done extensive research on humans culture in the past 4 and a half minutes and learned that confit is when you cook garlic at a low temperature in oil and dent is what happens to something that is soft enough you can mark it with your teeth, which are also called dents in Lating. Clearly the best thing for the human that is you to be confident is to make the human that is girl some yummy garlic!

~Send me anons and asks for TMI Tuesday fun and prophet!~

[godlessondheimite]

I’m just thinking about how many times I’ve heard my dad on a long call with an obvious scammer and I’ll start begging him to get off the phone because I always think he’s a very easy mark and he’ll just keep going and then after a while he’ll say something like “I died 20 years ago” and hang up.

[godlessondheimite]

Virgin Millennial Daughter with 20 hrs of screentime a day: Dad! They’re scamming you! Dad! Stop! They will take your savings and your identity! Hang up before they SWAT you!

Chad Boomer dad with a flip phone he has not recharged since 2014: Well gee I wish I could give you my bank account number after you spent all this time on the phone explaining this car deal with me but I don’t have access to my finances because I am in Rikers for felony murder.

[shipburner]

I haven't actively used this site in years but this grabbed my imagination so thoroughly I had to draw it

[askjennaflorida]

The art style just made me ask out loud "Damn, when did Calvin transition?"

[tvguts]

yesterday i had a nice southern teenager call me "ma'am" and then look at me and go, in a well-meaning tone, "uhhhh, if you go by ma'am. sorry if not." and i had to be like yeah man ma'am is fine. appreciate you being inclusive though. i could almost see the little warning pop up in his UI-- hold up! people with blue hair often have pronouns. are you sure you want to address this individual with a gendered term?

[power-chords]

I almost forgot to mention: this woman came into the penguin enclosure with a KESTREL??? I said “oh my god is that an American Kestrel?” and she said “Yes! She was outside doing raptor education for the kids, but she doesn’t like to get rained on.”

[ayellowbirds]

#she was watching the penguins with what I will anthropomorphically project as skepticism

[elkian]

kestrel: i hate rained on!!

human: here is birds in water

kestrel: ......no.....

[jolonensis]

they should revoke your driver's license if you have over 1000 observations on iNaturalist

[jolonensis]

i am a (holy shit red shouldered hawk) hazard to everyone on the road including myself. wait pause turn around i need to get a pic of that sky lupine along the highway back there

[tinyyellowflowers-blog]

Once I was in a car with an older ecologist. He was telling me about how he had avoided the draft in Vietnam because his major professor — luminary, vital author of the modern synthesis of the theory of evolution — was such a distractable driver that his dean was haunted by the specter of “X university professor kills 37 in car accident” enough that he was willing to write ANY paperwork for a potential grad student so long as the luminary NEVER drove a university vehicle. That was the foundation of this man’s career: driving a luminary who couldn’t be trusted to traverse highways where species could be observed.

Partway through this story the ecologist saw a novel Mimulus and braked so hard he bounced my head off of the dashboard.

[stroebe2]

[anthonybourdyke]

[binturong-of-the-day]

The binturong of Germany

[victoriantomodern]

Detail of vault with flowers and birds, Archiepiscopal Palace Chapel (interior), mosaic, c. 494-519, Palazzo arcivescovile di Ravenna (Ravenna, Italy) (JSTOR)

[dogpuppy]

[sashayed]

going ape shit hooligan crazy searching the word Key on metmuseum dot org

[sashayed]

egypt, 4th-1st century bce. the angle here is startling and charming to me and appears to have been standard at the time. at first i had difficulty imagining the lock it would fit into. looks like a guy clenching his big hand at you. A+

north china, 3rd century bce. hey everyone SHUT UP. everyone SHUT UP for a fucking second and have some RESPECT while i tune my ZITHER with my beautiful little BEAR KEY. i said SHUT UP!! i am KISSING HIM. A+

roman, 1st century bce-4th century ce, highly whimsical. this is not so much a key as a whole Creature and i wish he lived in my house. A+

roman, 3rd-5th century. lowkey whimsical. hermetic af. huge fan of the wings. a rustic, functional asymmetry that makes me clench my fists with enthusiasm: it looks like it was made to please the artisan. i picture the keyholder spinning this idly around a finger, perhaps whistling through their teeth. rubbing the feathers with your thumb when you're nervous would feel soooo good i bet. is this one my favorite? maybe! A+

roman, 1st century ce. nonwhimsical. stern and to the point. do NOT whistle while spinning this key. it is for business. someone has probably designed an ancient bomb for a video game using this as a reference. A+

roman, 1st-7th century ce; roman, 1st-7th century ce. you'd think this many pleasing shapes would cancel each other out but they don't. a cascade of excellent geometric figures into which the spirits of various cultures either encountered or subjugated have breathed. A+

roman, 1st century ce. i love a Little Guy, obviously. i do feel like i could pick the lock he is supposed to guard. A+

german, 13th century; french, 13th or 14th century(?); german, 14th century. i'm going to be so real and vulnerable with you guys right now. i would love to lock a beautiful, weeping stepdaughter into her tower room with one of these and then slip it deep into the fitchet of my outer gown, smiling cruelly. perhaps patting it with my long, bony hand to be sure it is secured to my girdle: good, it is. ha ha. she will have to be rescued by birds, who will later peck my eyes out. A+

german, late 15th century. What if you were german in the late 15th century and your girlfriend gave you this key ring with two little guys dancing on it and was like "that's me and you :)". would you cry? i bet i would. A+

german, 15th century; german or south netherlandish, 15th century. platonic ideal north european keys to me, relatively simple yet extraordinarily satisfying to look at and, i imagine, to use. if my front door locked with one of these keys i would never feel bad about myself again probably. A+

french, 16th century; italian, 17th century. i imagine these are the the equivalent of those pens with liquid inside where you can make the lady's swimsuit come off by tilting it. i would be touching those tiny metal boobs and butts so much. A+

french, 16th century. OPULENCE subtype DEMONIC. cenobite ass key. A+

india, 18th century or later; russia, 18th century. hell yeah! hell yeah horseys! hell yeah!!!! A+

french, 19th century; german, 18th century. the elaborate chamberlain/ceremonial keys are not always my thing—the appeal of a key is often in its mystery and i find these keys unmysterious—but i can't knock the craftsmanship. A+

benin, 16th-19th century. now this is a fffucking key! ìgùn érọ̀nwwọ̀n strike again! Little Guy on there perhaps doing a bodybuilder puff up pose: check. pleasing angles: several. an elegant simplicity that gives worksmanship without being distracting: absolutely. tiny top ring so you can attach it to something without covering the guy's face: innovative. A++

[natalieironside]

Hey everybody it is several days before I get paid and we are out of dog food and several other essentials. :( If anybody has any extra scratch lying about I would rly appreciate it if u could kick any of it our way. Fuck.

My cashapp is $NatalieIronside and also u can send to Pay Pal. me /chaosqueer Ven mo: chaosqueer

[renthony]

We hate having to do this again, but we are mega-broke and it sucks. 😓

[crochethub]

Medieval inspired tapestry with gold trimming embellishment by SpicyLatinaaaa

[victusinveritas]

Different options to cover up your Harry Potter tattoo. I personally favor This Place Is Not A Place of Honor.