this is not a place of honor @anais-ninja-bitch - Tumblr Blog

Posts

thememedaddy

cargopantsman

@anais-ninja-bitch

anais-ninja-bitch

yah, that's p much it. that's the show on this here blog.

anais-ninja-bitch

@wordcubed sent me this one with the note of type of shit i would wear, and i agree, but i would also need a crop top

feel free to tell me what the crop top should say

elodieunderglass

Neighbor child and Bug’s friend Spider(5) is over as part of the childcare arrangements of the loose neighborhood feral pack of children. I stepped away from work to watch them for a moment and decided to start marinating some meat for tomorrow. spider drifted over and and asked about it.

Me: it’s meat, spider!

Spider: I’m , I’m , I’m, I’m

Me: take your time

Spider: IM MADE OF MEAT

me: yeah you are spider. Humans are made of meat.

Spider: is Bug made of meat??

Me: all humans and all animals are made of meat, spider.

Spider: are you made of meat?

Me: yes spider, I’m a human and I’m made of meat.

Spider: is Bug made of meat??

Me: yes.

Spider: WOW ME TOO.

elodieunderglass

Spider - now aged six - has a same-aged cousin, THE BLACK WIDOW. this legendary child, also a friend of our children since the womb, is greatly admired for their imaginative nature. THE BLACK WIDOW had a spectacular career at nursery and has excelled further at school with such feats as “biting the teacher on the first day of school”, and “escaping school by simply walking out of it, throwing the entire school into a panic.”

My child Bug and THE BLACK WIDOW are not especially close, despite lifelong acquaintanceship and shared years of nursery; they go to different primary schools, and are diametrically opposing personalities. However, my child Mouse (aged 3) and THE BLACK WIDOW get along extremely well. Worryingly well. Despite being twice the age, two-and-a-half-times the size and possessing three times the wickedness of Mouse, THE BLACK WIDOW is tenderly gentle and attentive with Mouse. Perhaps because they are both the youngest of three.

THE BLACK WIDOW’s family came by and the adults lounged around gossiping while the four elder children amused themselves sensibly. Mouse and THE BLACK WIDOW set up a complicated coffee shop roleplay and demanded that the four adults queue up and place orders.

“Ask them what they want,” THE BLACK WIDOW prompted Mouse.

“It’s all poisoned,” Mouse said brightly.

“Don’t TELL them that,” THE BLACK WIDOW hissed.

They proceeded to serve us cups of coffee, told us it was poisoned after we had mimed drinking it, and we all had to fall about dying while they laughed like hyenas.

Tonight, Mouse laid dreamily in bed, having spent three delightful hours soaking up THE BLACK WIDOW’s undivided attention. “I love THE BLACK WIDOW,” they said blissfully.

“What do you love about them?”

“They push me in my pushchair,” Mouse said affectionately- (this is true, it gives me a fucking heart attack when THE WIDOW grabs the pushchair and charges around ramming people with Mouse.) “and,” Mouse went on, “I love poisoning and attacking people with them.”

“Yes,” I said, dubiously.

“I want to poison and attack people with them more. They said I can come to their house and poison and attack people -“

“I think you should go to bed,” I said.

“Mummy, when we are finished being friends, we are going to marry each other.”

“Oh wow,” I said, not even trying to unpack that progression, “that’ll be something to look forward to.”

penny-anna

Introducing my sister to chuck tingle

penny-anna

louisegluckpdf

"i get a little bit genghis khan" was such a strange and delightful thing to say in a pop song

tinytuunbaq

locking in for stephen maturin girl summer (catching lizards and wearing cunty jackets)

adrenaline-revolver

“Eridians dislike earth because they abandoned Grace.” *Incorrect Buzzer Sound* ya missed the point of the story buddy! It’s not about someone being ‘bad’ it’s about the incredible power of love and that love being worth dying for!

Gimmie Eridians who are absolutely heartbroken to hear that humans where so desperate and so scared that they where willing to part with not just one Grace, there were three of them! Gimmie Eridians touched to find that the humans planned a way for their sacrifices to be as comfortable as possible. Gimmie Eridians who send earth a message saying “We know it must have hurt to send your heroes to die, but one made it and he’s safe here. We lost 22 good Eridians on the journey we would have lost 23 if not for your Grace.”

Give me humans sitting on Earth slowly coming to the conclusion that when we look up not only are we not alone, someone out there is alive because of one of us. That no matter what we think of ourselves a whole species thinks highly of us because we helped save the galaxy. Give me humans who figure out how to send a probe to Erid filled to the brim with messages for Grace and footage of a monument being raised that reads his name, his crews names, and then “in memory of the 22 Eridians who lost their lives on the journey to save the stars.”

effinbirds

myjetpack

my latest cartoon for New Scientist.

lixomania

meawsupport

this is so late renaissance early mannerism. the controversial male nudity? the lighting and value on the figure of emphasis?? him bathed in light and placed ABOVE while the police are clad in dark and BELOW?? Uh HES HITTING THE CONTRAPPOSTO??

emmarose17

On one hand: this imagery touches on themes of freedom vs oppression and how in shedding the various layers of shame placed upon us by the regime we can transcend to a higher place above the forces that seek to hold us to unjust societal standards.

On the other hand: cheeks out at the Krispy Kreme.

frickomode

they sell items at tjmaxx that even God is not aware of

caudachroma

cow triangles

plaguedocboi

My friend Fat Fred had to be moved to gay baby jail because the touch tank got like 1 degree too warm

kebriones

Do they call them "little sheep" when the sea has foamy waves in other languages too or is that a greek thing.

tradgothwillbyers

Y'all ever just suddenly have the overwhelming urge to swim??? Like not actively but you just wanna,,, be in the water and have some Peace

parttimepup

Yes it’s called the mammalian diving response and it’s also why doing face masks and taking a shower is soothing. Our amphibian ancestors used this mechanism to slow down the heartbeat and lower body temperature so as not to waste calories while swimming (which is very calorie intensive). It makes you feel safe because predators are less likely to get you in water than on land. The fish brain is alive and well in all of us.

beyondthetemples-ooc

It’s literally activated by putting water on the face.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3768097/

acidrainirrigation

My amphibian ancestors gave me the instinct to dissociate in the shower for hours on end

tall

himbodiaz

would y’all ever date someone with the same name as you?

hmslusitania

I’m sorry for adding directly to a post but I went to a wedding once where the groom’s name was Loren and the bride’s name was Lauren and at the end the officiant was all “introducing Loren [surname] and Lauren [surname], husband and wife” and the entire assembled lost it

tevankinkley

also sorry for adding on but at my high school there was a Dominic and a Dominique who were dating and everyone just called them “Dom and Dommer” which is honestly the funniest shit ever

faerytale-wings

My parents are both named Terry (spelled differently) but I’m pretty sure that’s one of the reasons my mom never changed her last name.

People would call and ask for Terry and child me would be like “boy or girl?” And they’d panic and hang up. My mom found this endlessly amusing.

tungledotfuck

Why would you leave this GOLD in the tags??

faerytale-wings

Had to submit it to the tags for peer review

knittingontheroad

I know a woman with 2 first names, whose last name growing up was Chapman. She married a man whose last name was Chapman. So her name is Something Someone Chapman Chapman.

draconym

My friend Sam is dating someone else named Sam. They refer to this as Sams Club.

forgivenessissupposedtobeearned

call me crazy but I think it'd be easier if surgeons learned how to operate on fat bodies instead of expecting every single fat person to lose weight before getting surgery