this is not a place of honor

blog made of dick jokes and alcoholism by a 40 yo cis bi woman, lots of fandom, occasional art and culture with a garnish of leftishness, follow if you can have fun and play along, if no jog on, DNI if you have a strict DNI

[thememedaddy]

[cargopantsman]

@anais-ninja-bitch

[anais-ninja-bitch]

yah, that's p much it. that's the show on this here blog.

[anais-ninja-bitch]

@wordcubed sent me this one with the note of type of shit i would wear, and i agree, but i would also need a crop top

feel free to tell me what the crop top should say

[noriya-in-the-stars]

Everyone jokes about Chuck Tingle actually being Chris Pine. I think this is incorrect.

While I don't actually want to know his real identity, because in my mind, his real identity IS CHUCK, I have assumed since Barbie came out that he is in fact Ryan Gosling.

I have little concrete evidence to back this up, and in fact, again, I do not want to know the truth. But this feels like a hilarious head canon I should mention at some point.

(I do have a list of real reasons based on things Doctor Tingle has said over time. But those are mine to marinade.)

[drchucktingle]

🤔

[toweringclam]

There's only one way to be sure.

Would you like to go to space?

[drchucktingle]

absolutely not

[segamascott]

[edgebug]

ohhhh BIIIG stretch!!!!

[princefuckyouknickers]

[effinbirds]

[annabelle--cane]

as mentioned here, three of my favorite Quirked Up joke deliveries + one meme delivered deathly seriously

[aleshakills]

Is there a word for occupying the space where normies think you're a freak and freaks think you're a normie?

[aleshakills]

I tell a woman with a 9 to 5 office job about the slightly niche speculative fiction novel I just finished and she goes "Oh, that's...interesting. I hadn't heard of that."

I tell a grungy chick I met at a dive bar about the same book and she kinda scoffs and goes "Okay" like I said my favorite show is Sesame Street

[cooking-with-hailstones]

"The last time any human touched Ryland Grace was an act of horrific violence"

Well... Yes and no.

The last time Ryland Grace was CONSCIOUS of any human touch was when he was knocked out. Absolutely true.

But the last human contact he would have had was Yao and Ilyukhina. Who were told that he was scared about panicking during launch and asked to be sedated. Who did all the pre flight checks before the Hail Mary launched. Who would have carefully, gently carried Grace to his bed in the dormitory, made sure he was secure, and initiated his coma procedure.

There would have been love there. Remember Ilyukhina throwing her hands high and saying "welcome to crew!" Remember Yao saying how he hoped Grace would say yes. Remember how much the crew trusted Grace, Stratt's First Officer, the guy who helped them so much, and was so kind to them, and was the one who they entrusted their preferred methods of suicide to. Who thought they were wonderful and brave.

They would have tucked him in. Maybe brushed his hair out of his face. Maybe said something kind to him before initiating their own coma procedures.

Ryland Grace doesn't remember, of course he wouldn't. But the last human touch he ever had was full of love.

[ruffboi-mags]

#imagine there's logs of that and he doesn't think to roll the feed back to check #not until the moment he decides he'll have to send the beatles and has to save the logs to the drives to put in #he's all alone in space. his best friend possibly dying already #he remembers he was a coward and that he was chased and tackled like an animal. sedated and dragged off #and then he sees. the kindness and soft actions taken by yao and ilyukhina while he was already unconscious. how they welcomed him aboard #and made sure he was well and tucked him in and cared for him #and when he woke and found them both dead he repayed their kindness without even knowing #he bid them farewell as kindly as he could. entrusting them to the stars #oh... my heart.... #;-; made myself sad... (via @earth-to-laika)

hey what the fuck.

[moshroom]

he had to jump in the ballpit to cool off after getting all airplane ears over a treat puzzle that proved a little too advanced

[moshroom]

he's done this a few times now. the ball pit actively soothes him when he gets mad over puzzles. i could learn something from this

[moshroom]

[copperbadge]

Whaddaya know, an extra hour in the ball pit really does help.

[natalieironside]

Today the weight of history rests upon the weary shoulders of the people of Clacton. All previous existence has labored clanking to this auspicious moment. They have a choice to make.

[parkchanwoohoo]

This kid is so fucking good holy shit. I love how into it the audience is, too

[sunriseverse]

i’m trying to look at the worst reviews for focault’s pendulum on storygraph because i’m trying to decide if the copy my aunt (terrible opinions on many things) gave me years ago is worth reading and sadly the first full review (one star) makes it sound so compelling. like unfortunately “I'm sure it was a lot of work for Eco to do this, but it's boring and inscrutable unless you have a European history PhD” kind of does make me want to read it.

[sunriseverse]

“Now I know what you're thinking: why not lock in and learn something for once in your ant-sized rapidly shrinking life? Because it's all fake anyway.”

i am so utterly fascinated by this reviewer. yeah, the fiction novel is fake? of course? were you, like, reading this to find ACTUAL conspiracies………

[sunriseverse]

“I was initially confused by the artistic direction here. If Eco knows these conspiracies are made-up nonsense, why does he put so much academic rigor and detail into them?”

i fear maybe umberto eco and i are like. cosmically linked in terms of “using academic skills to write just top tier bullshit”

[sunriseverse]

“The characters and plot are minor trappings added in order to justify his 600 page alt-history fanfic to the academic community”

sorry you can’t appreciate it but that sounds fucking sick actually.

[fixaidea]

“I was initially confused by the artistic direction here. If Eco knows these conspiracies are made-up nonsense, why does he put so much academic rigor and detail into them?”

This is the guy who wrote an incredibly detailed and pretty convincing looking foreword about how he 'came by' and 'translated' the manuscript that 'served as the basis' of The Name of the Rose. Citations, manuscript numbers and all. Just for the love of the game.

So yeah this sounds like classic Eco behaviour. :)

[feyburner]

Man at my job just told me to “hold your little horsies just a little longer ☺️” about the task I’ve been waiting for him to complete or at the very least update me on for six weeks. Brendan, I will fuck your adult son. You’re gonna start seeing me at family Christmas. Horsies in tow.

[romanceyourdemons]

whenever i look into a historical monarch who doesn’t get talked about much and is just kind of a blank spot in my understanding of the historical narrative, 95% of the time what i find is pure white hot blistering capability. a pencil pusher for the ages. a 39 year reign with no more than three hours of sleep a night. there aren’t any good stories from his reign because he systematically caught and stopped all catastrophic good stories before they could start. you shrimply must respect it

[thestuffedalligator]

“Toymaker” as a job description in fairy tale fiction is one of my favourite bullshit occupations. “Dollmaker” is fine, “carpenter who makes wooden toys as a side hustle between jobs” is fine, but so many stories have a character whose entire occupation is described as “toymaker” and is heavily implied if not explicitly confirmed to have made all of the toys in their shop, from wood boats to plush animals to porcelain dolls to music boxes to tin soldiers, all made under the tiny hammer of one person.

And it’s not impossible for one person to be at once a highly talented seamstress and tinsmith and carpenter and clockwork engineer and every other talent in the world that would allow you to build everything from china dolls to rocking horses, but to be all that and then single-handedly supply the whole stock of an entire toy store? In a rural whimsical little fairy tale village?? By themselves???

[thestuffedalligator]

#toymakers are in many ways the van helsings of whimsy. (via @mordredsheart)

[cowboylikecahir]

our expedition of franklin is collapsing