I’m gonna start by saying that I do not claim to know what harry is going through nor am I saying that his situation and reaction to it is the same as mine. I am simply trying to share my own experience so maybe people wold learn to not have a very tight perspective toward thing or Maybe just be Okay with not knowing. Not having a clue is something that need to be normalized in this fandom. I’m a 24yo actress (I’m not based in the us or the uk. I mainly mostly only have a local following), I started when I was 13. I knew I was gay around 16, I didn’t tell anyone, not even my team, beside my family and close ones but I am the embodiment of every gay stereotypes and people really did not pick up on it early. Around 18+ interviewer started bringing up the are you seeing anyone questions and they didn’t stop even though my answers keeps being no, so I just said yes and that I’d rather keep it to myself once on a whim. My team then thought that coming out with the relationship who actually didn’t exist would be good promo et would expand my following and engagement since people love a good story and that he could set me up with someone. I didn’t tell my manager that I was gay but only that I didn’t want to do smtg that didn’t feel authentic, I knew coming out wasn’t an option at that time, and even if it was I didn’t want to have a bunch of stranger talking shit and discussing who I am and whether they’re ok with it or not, thinking abt it now I think not telling him was more that I didn’t want it to feel like closeting. I kept up with my I have a private relationship thingy thinking it’s gonna be enough to shut people up but it only stirred more questioning toward why is that keeping it a secret which led in some way to question mis sexuality. I told my agent who ofc told me that coming out was not an option, I was 20 ish at what you could call the heigh of my career (nothing like the boys ofc but enough in my country), and that it would ruin everything that we worked for and would get a lot of backlash. All of it was true but it still made me furious because it wasn’t fair, it never is for us, so I just refused and told him that would like to come out. I had told him that I was gay in private. And then a few days later I was in a meeting with my team, all of them in on it, I ofc expected it and had a whole plan, I feel very foolish thinking abt it now lol. But I gave them a whole scenario which was me coming out as gay and in a relationship confirming their speculation and that my then best friend which used to be seen with me could act as my gf for a bit, my manager straight up just laughed et they went on into a spiral of reason why me being gay was the problem not me being single and that I had to clear it out and it was just how it is. They didn’t coerce me into it, they didn’t force me but they did bring up every pressing reason why being me is not only not enough but a “scandal” of sort lol. They got me to actually “go out” with a dude, I talked abt him in interviews hhhhh. When I made a comment abt a female colleague they told me to tone it down hhh, my manger told me maybe letting my Hair grow would be a good idea (I ofc didn’t do that). People bought into the relationship, so the rumours around me kinda went off a bit. But it did shake me, like the people who knew me and who I worked with didn’t take it well, and I didn’t take that well so having even more people talk abt it scared me. I had to stunt, to talk abt my fake boyfriend, invite him to my birthday, make it look like he threw my birthday, talk abt how smitten I am with him, be affectionate with him in public. And believe me it was frustrating when it was happening, but I wouldn’t say I didn’t fell some kind of peace not having people talk abt how I could be gay and how is convenient and not convinent to some. I met someone midway through the stunt, who was understandable of the situation at first being also in the industry and knowing how fucked up it is. She started appearing in my friend circle so that people wouldn’t so much catch up on it if we were to ever be spotted alone, It was ok at first and then having to show off with my fake bf was starting to creat conflict in my actual relationship. I got to stage a “break up” for my then year long relationship, and they said that they needed drama so they made it like my dude cheated on me lol, he didn’t mind. It was ok at first, my team not even ever bringing up the fact that I was gay. It was ok at first, since I didn’t have to fake anything and when I was in a “relationship” they kinda laid off me having to tone it down, I went to an lgbtq parade and I was called an ally, and had a very public date with my bf a few days afterworlds. So ofc because of heteronormativity people didn’t associate my behaviors and how I was after my break up with queerness for a while because that was just who I was. My partner isn’t really out in a way that she never talked abt it publicly but had relationship with women she never denied but only refused to talk abt anything involving her private life. It was ok at first, I enjoyed the secrecy and the freedom and people not gossiping abt my relationship like before even though it was not real lol. Before people started picking up on me and my gf, her being a public persona didn’t help at all because spotting two “celebs” is easier then one. I had to kind of deny it saying that she was a grea friend, she did the same which she didn’t like one bit and kind off created a bit of tension in my relationship because she didn’t usually lie. They didn’t push me into doing that time at all, I had just enjoyed my privacy, not having people know abt everything in my life made me feel better in a way. It didn’t mean I didn’t spend some sleepless night thinking abt how this could be different, but the alternative felt better. As much as I wanted to be out because I know it would make a bit of a difference, I couldn’t not think abt the consequences of it. I am who I am everyday around the people I love and I am proud of it. People didn’t buy a lot into the great friends story. I didn’t care at first, I still do not give two shit if someone think I am gay because that’s who I am et it’s kind of nice to feel understood. I do not really care if some homophobic peace of shit make a comment abt it. It angers me how fucked up it is but I does not really affect me personally. It didn’t last long, because a producer legit told my agent that they might reconsider someone else for the role if we didn’t put this to rest, and that ofc they had “nothing against who I was but it wouldn’t be a good business decision”. And no I did not decide against the role, because I always wanted to work with some people there. They wanted to go for another stunt and I convinced them to try and just not be spotted with my gf anymore and only have her when my friends are around Which means we cannot actually risk hanging out publicly. Yes we do have the privilege of attending private parties, booking at table on the back of the restaurant, bringing the cater at home. But I cannot get a Starbucks with her, or go shopping, or just walk around in a crowded place lol. But this doesn’t mean we are miserable. It is not ideal. But for me it is better then the alternative. No we are not living a lie. There are things that we cannot do, but it is ok. I am not coerced into staying in the closet, but I am forced in a way. I have things I want to do in my life and it is not about how much money I want to make, or awards (though I am not necessarily hating on those, I would trade them for being able to be me without it affecting an important part of my life which is my job) but about being able to do what my job to the fullest without being limited. Can I just say fuck everything and come out. Ofc I can, no one is forcing me not to. Would I care abt what people we’ll say about me?? A bit because I’m only human, but I couldn’t care less abt a homophobic peace of shit. Would it make me loose some opportunities?? Ofc, and I don’t want that. As much as I want to be able to express myself to the fullest because I know being a public persona not matter how small gives you a sort of influence and would be a kinda voice to people in the community. I am not that brave, and I am allowed too. I do not want to be boxed, I want to achieve thing I know I wouldn’t be able to because of who I am. And I am also not ready to be that voice or influence people might see in me. People make it abt money and fame, but it’s not just that. We don’t have to just survive, we’re allowed to live and this is the cost of it now. Yes I do want to come out at some point since I wouldn’t want to keep lying for the rest of my life lol, even if it’s just on omission. But for me it’s still not the time. And it’s ok. People should learn to be a bit empathetic toward us even if we’re not coerced into it. Louis and Harry’s situation is veryyyyy very far more complicated then mine and there following is veryyyyyyyyy verry wider then mine which makes it even harder then me. And them being gay and proud doesn’t mean they need to announce it to the world right away and screw some if their carreer opportunities, people would argue they don’t care abt that but how do you know??? They try and be themselves as much as they can. My gf keeps arguing maybe H doesn’t think coming out is a good idea because L is still far behind, which is mainly projection because it’s what she actually think for herself. I don’t really care to know why are their not out yet. They’re adults that can make decision for themselves, the industry is ruthless, Homophobia is a thing, coming out can ruin your career. I support them because I feel for them not because I need them to be my gay parade. Normalise not having a clue. This all I have to say. I tried to be as vague as I can abt my situation, if you happen to recognize me which I highly doubt. Thanks for seeing me and keep it our secret. And to anyone reading, your support to any any queer celebs, however it is means a lot.
jbbartram-illu
stormborns
kianamaiart
titsay
dededos
2087
theartofmadeline
andulkaphoto
