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izzy's playlists!
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@kingmakher
New deal with my inner child:
I do not need extraordinary achievements to make my life meaningful.
I will not ask my dreams to heal wounds they did not create.
I will still grow. I will still create. I will still become skillful. But I will never again ask my gifts to argue my case for my worth.
Does ego death fix neurodivergence or no?
“The people who successfully navigate this difficult transition stop fighting. Not because, they’re defeated, but because they finally understand what they’ve been fighting to preserve actually deserves to die. The false self served its purpose. Protecting you thought childhood, helping you navigate a demanding world. But survival and truly authentic living are not the same thing.”
I love you Mariah.
My job is not a psychologically safe place for me. I have to leave.
The Nigredo
It’s time to admit that I don’t want a job. I want sovereignty. Hesitation to admit this is forcing me to admit I don’t yet truly believe that life is available to me. Cognitively I know that anything is possible and I get what I want. The entire Universe will now conspire on my behalf now.
Truly nothing can save me when I realize I hate my job. At that point it’s the beginning of the end. I can’t pretend to have passion. Everyone will notice and it will cause issues.
For anyone wondering, the PhD student's name is Myra Cheng.
Here's a link to an article about the study from the Stanford Report: link.
Across three preregistered studies, participants interacting with sycophantic AI became more convinced of their own rightness and less willing to repair relationships. Yet at the same time, participants rated sycophantic AI models as higher quality, more trustworthy, and more desirable for future use, which may explain why this behavior has persisted despite its harmful impacts.
Myra Cheng et al. "Sycophantic AI decreases prosocial intentions and promotes dependence." Science 391, eaec8352 (2026).
“Embrace the spiral.” And then it’s followed by cutesy language. That shit is not soft. It’s fucking violent.
How many damned dark nights of the soul? Fucking three?!
Deadass hate when I feel depressed beyond repair. Cognitively I know this shit will pass but everytime it happens I feel like I get a tiny bit worse. Shit chipping away at me fr.
Having losers in your life is the biggest burdens and disrupters on progress. Being romantically involved with losers. Being friends with losers. Looking to constantly belong in a family of losers. Your boss being a loser. It shaves off years of your life. And by loser I mean people who have arrested development and instead of doing the work to grow and learn they weaponize their lack of self awareness. The project and internalize. They are bullies, liars, codependent but won’t get help. Instead they cope and beat on everyone around them. And you…feeling responsible spend money, time, and emotional currency trying to help. You perform for them. You put off your goals for them. You make yourself smaller to make room for them. You gaslight yourself to believe they didn’t mean it when they abused you. And it cost you so much. And now you have nothing. And your life is mediocre. And the world has moved on. And you don’t have the skill to keep up with the world. You don’t ever trust the world anymore. You’ve lost the ability to trust in yourself and your gifts. Because you were loyal to losers.
Anthony Hurd (American, 1975) - You Have This Hold Over Me (2025)
*friend you love deeply but has never supported you out loud or engaged with your artwork and content starts doing short form content and asks you to share and repost their content*
Anyways I’m gonna lose 20lbs by my birthday in August. If I was able to literally starve myself and lose 60lbs in a year I could absolutely have the discipline to follow a more sustainable lifestyle improvement for fat loss. I was legit eating under 1000 cals a day PLANNED, I could def do between 1600 and 1800.
I should have known something was off with me when I wanted her to be with him instead of the blonde guy. Turns out it might just be that I have Venus in the 8th house and trauma.
