a/n: Posting the first half now because Iâm so excited to share. The second half will be posted sometime in January. Whatever you celebrate this time of year, I hope that you are warm and loved and well cared for. You deserve it.
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Yoongi shielded his eyes from the glare of the flames. Heat rushed his body, and smoke coated his throat. Belatedly, as he panted for breath on the wet pavement, he realized that this Molotov cocktail, this cheap-ass, bargain basement intimidation tactic currently burning through his bar was a plan to destroy him. First, he was annoyed, now he was fucking pissed.
Tags: mafia!au, arranged marriage!au, slow burn, eventual smut, eventual happy ending, eventual R rated violence. The most possessive Yoongi Iâve written I think.
a/n: Here is a short teaser for my new Yoongi fic. Iâve got almost 20k written, and I think it will be about 25k in the end. Going to post it all in one go. Still hoping to post by Christmas if things are going well!
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Yoongi shielded his eyes from the glare of the flames. Smoke coated his throat, and he panted for breath. Belatedly, as he lay on the wet pavement, he realized that this Molotov cocktail, this cheap-ass, bargain basement intimidation tactic currently burning through his bar was a plan to intimidate him. Â First he was annoyed, now he was fucking pissed.
kanalia | jhs x reader | chapter two: so it's love, then
banner by the amazing @kimtaehyunq đ
âď¸summary: secrets and uncertainty plague a young queen in her arranged marriage to a kind but distant king. the farther she drifts from her husband, the closer she gets to one of his most trusted men.
âď¸pairing: queen!reader x royalguard!hoseok
âď¸rating: mature, 18+
âď¸genre: royal AU, historical AU, smut
âď¸warnings: infidelity (itâs complicated, yâall) mentions of pregnancy, fertility issues. OC struggles with depressive thoughts and episodes.
âď¸word count: 6.5K
âď¸notes: phew. chapter two is finally here. i re-wrote scenes in this chapter several times because i'm dumb i really needed to make sure i got the tone right and y'all, i really hope i did. i promise not to make you wait as long for chapter three and a serious thank you to everyone who reads and talks to me about my stories. you guys have no idea what you mean to me đđđand of course, i cannot pass up an opportunity to thank my beta readers and sanity coaches @hobi-gif and @btsarmy9593. thank you for everything, you're both amazing.
Your sister had been the one to discover it. Naturally.
You can still recall the wicked grin sheâd worn the night sheâd stolen into your room with her appalling news. Trouble always had a way of finding her -- or perhaps it was the other way around -- and you knew trouble when you saw it.
Or heard it.
âYou should stop that at once,â youâd hissed, afraid to let your voice rise above a whisper. Eyes darting nervously towards the door as though youâd expected your mother to darken it at any moment.
âWhy should I?â sheâd challenged, one perfect brow lifted high. âWhy would anyone?â
The question was fair enough, youâd supposed.
But the truth was that you didnât know how to answer it. Didnât know how to feel about her intimate confession beyond the embarrassment that made your entire face burn hot. So youâd reached for the only answer you could be entirely sure of.
âMother wouldnât like it.â
âMother doesnât like anything,â sheâd shot back. âPerhaps if she spent a bit of time with her hand between her legs she wouldnât be so -- â
â -- Chaehee!â
Youâd issued her name like a rebuke, the outburst punching a hole through the quiet of your bedroom. And then for a while youâd both just sat there, staring petulantly at one another until you were both certain the noise hadnât drawn unwanted attention.
Chaehee had been the one to break the stalemate. Naturally.
âI should have known better than to come to you with this,â sheâd whispered, accusatory. âOnly you could twist a discovery this fascinating into a lecture.â
Youâd glared at her in that moment, tempted to confess that youâd been well aware of something down there long before her lurid admission.
The errant brush of your hand or the pinch of too-tight smallclothes or the firm press of your horseâs saddle could induce the strangest frisson of sensation. Youâd thought of it as a kind of happy accident, the antithesis to the shooting pain you might feel after striking your wrist against a sharp corner.
And surely, youâd reasoned, it had to be forbidden.
Just the thought of your motherâs stern face, lips pressed into a flat, unforgiving line was enough to stop you from exploring this secret thrill from your most secret place. Not once had you been courageous enough to contemplate the idea that it wasnât an accident at all. Or to consider how you might make it happen again.
Not like Chaehee.
âYouâre just like her you know,â sheâd accused hotly, climbing off your bed. âAlways obsessing over propriety and etiquette.â
Your mouth had dropped wide open at that charge, lips parted to fire off a denial that never came. Your sister -- as discerning as she was disobedient -- always managed to strike right at the heart of the matter.
Then sheâd whirled on you, finger pointed and eyes flashing.
âI hope youâre happy to live your life in the confines of a drawing room,â sheâd declared. âI hope your stupid lessons and your stupid rules keep you warm at night. I worry for the day you wake up and realize youâre just as miserable as Mother.â
You can close your eyes now and still see the moment sheâd quit your room in a huff.
You can practically see yourself in the memory, spine straight with indignation. Nose high in the air as youâd watched her leave. You can remember the way youâd pitied her, lamenting her certain descent into depravity and utterly convinced of your own goodness and maturity.
Only now can you see yourself for what you really were.
A little girl. A very foolish little girl.
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You suppose it was jealousy youâd felt as youâd watched the King and his lover. But perhaps it was not the kind of jealousy one would expect from a wife witnessing her husbandâs indiscretions firsthand.
In that moment, youâd found yourself envying Namjoonâs authority. His manhood. All the advantages of his sex that empowered him to do exactly as he pleased, unbound or perhaps unbothered by the constraints of your marriage.
The constraints of your sex.
How truly useless the years of singing lessons and the hours sat in front of the pianoforte had been. How happy youâd been to mold yourself into a poised wife in waiting, living precisely -- obediently -- within the boundaries drawn by your mother.
The reminders about your posture, the limitations placed on your favorite sweets, the nightly ritual of brushing your hair until it shone. Youâd done everything sheâd asked without question, certain that sheâd only intended to better you. Certain that in the end it would make you an exemplary wife.
Funny, that.
Now, you had no choice but to admit that the marriage your mother had spent years preparing you for was an abject failure. No choice but to acknowledge that despite being a married woman, you understood nothing about the private ways of women and men.
You had never -- and likely would never -- experience the kind of passion youâd witnessed between the King and his lover. And youâd been entirely complicit in maintaining your own ignorance. Proudly playing the part of a proper young miss and turning a blind eye to the things that made you too uncomfortable to confront.
So you suppose it is anger you feel when you think about the state of your marriage. Though in truth, your anger is only partially directed at the King.
More than anything, youâre angry with yourself.
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The ties around your waist pull tight, stopping just short of causing real pain.
Hyeri is rather strong for a woman of her years, a testament to a life lived in service of others. Your entire body jostles under the direction of her strong hands as she works to secure the corset beneath your bodice.
âKeep fidgeting like that if you want to be here all morning,â Hyeri grumbles, nimble fingers pulling the ties through the loops. The garment tightens up the line of your back as she works, humming lightly under her breath. âYouâre harder to dress than a schoolgirl sometimes, I swear it.â
If this were any other morning, youâd laugh at her. Return the barb in kind.
But this morning, you are nursing a tiny ember of anger thatâs burned inside since you found your husband and his lover tangled together on his bed. This morning, despite the dread that grips your chest like a physical touch, you speak the words sitting just on the tip of your tongue.
âI saw them together.â
You release the confession into the air and it hangs there for a moment like a thick, fraught fog. Everything stops -- Hyeriâs hands at your back, the soothing sound of her humming. You can practically feel the way her entire body tenses behind you before she finally dares to speak.
âIâm sorry, Your Grace,â she says at last. âSo, so sorry.â
Your eyes fall shut as the implications of Hyeriâs words wash over you. Not once does she ask you who they are -- or what you saw them doing. Everything she doesnât say confirms the suspicion thatâs gnawed at you since the moment of your terrible discovery.
That the Kingâs indiscretion is an open secret. And that you are the last to know.
Hyeri returns to the work of securing your bodice again, this time a bit slower. Hands a bit less steady.
âTell me then, Hyeri, â you say, voice brittle with anger, âAm I sport for the footmen to enjoy over a tankard of ale? Do the maids titter about what a fool I am the moment I turn my back?â
Hyeri does not respond to your provocation. Sheâs quiet as the last section of corset comes together just below your shoulder blades and she fits your dress around it, wrinkled hands pushing out the gaps in the fine fabric. Once the dress is secure, she gently takes hold of your arms and turns you around.
âSit with me, Your Grace,â she pleads softly. âTalk with me. Please.â
You study her for a long moment before nodding and allowing her to guide you to the nearby settee. She holds out a hand to help you settle onto the ornate bench before taking her place beside you.
You watch her wipe her palms across her own skirts before she speaks.
âThereâs nothing I can say that will make this better,â she admits, shaking her head. âIâm embarrassed. For the King and for myself, perhaps. I am so sorry.â
âI care little for words of sympathy at this moment, Hyeri,â you say tightly. âI want the truth. I deserve that much.â
âAye,â she sighs, âYou do.â
âHow long has the King been bedding women outside of our marriage?â
âNot women, Your Grace,â she answers quietly. âOne woman. And itâs been going on for a very long time, Iâm afraid. Years now.â
You stare at her, unblinking as you consider her words. Uncertain if you should feel more or less insulted now that you know the Kingâs tryst with this woman began long before you wed.
She clears her throat when you say nothing, looking down at her hands.
âSheâs the daughter of his boyhood tutor, Your Grace. They were practically raised together. Theyâve been close since they were children.â
âClose indeed,â you agree frigidly, fingers curling savagely into the heavy material of your skirt. âIn fact, I dare say Iâve had the pleasure of seeing how close they are for myself.â
Your handmaid flushes deeply, spots of color appearing on her soft, creased cheeks.
âHe begged his father to let him marry her. There were awful fights between the two of them. Weeks on end when His Grace refused to even speak to his father. The elder King eventually threatened to refuse him the throne and he was forced to accept the decision.â
âSo itâs love, then.â
Hyeri is quiet for a long time before the meek agreement comes, voice barely above a whisper.
âYes, Your Grace. I believe it is.â
Bitter laughter bubbles up your throat and Hyeri winces at the sound.
âWell, perhaps I should congratulate him,â you suggest, words dripping with acid. âPerhaps I should pen my husband a heartfelt note expressing my happiness that heâs managed to find that wondrous thing that seems to elude so many of us. How very fortunate for him.â
Hyeriâs eyes grow wide before she drops her gaze to her lap, staring down at her hands. She says nothing, but the paper-thin skin at the base of her throat ripples as she swallows thickly.
âAll this time,â you muse darkly, âI thought the King simply incapable of passion. Truly, I must be the most foolish woman on the planet. Have you ever known a woman so profoundly imbecilic, Hyeri?â
âDonât say that, Your Grace,â she whispers. âPlease.â
You canât bear to look at the sympathy in her soft, sweet face. So you turn away from it, seeking instead the morning sun just outside your chamber window. You stare blankly at the light that spills into your chamber.
âWho knows?â
âI couldnât say, Your Grace,â she answers carefully, âBut the King has always been exceedingly private. I imagine only those closest to him have any inkling.â
Those closest to him. Lord Jung.
His handsome face surfaces in your mind as you watch the light bend over the stone windowsill. Does he pity you? The thought makes your humiliation feel all the more acute.
Then the tea kettle is blaring, slicing through the silence.
Hyeri inhales deeply before rising from the settee. You stare numbly at the sunlight as she crosses the room to see to it, hearing the sounds of clinking metal and the soft gurgle of the boiling water over the fire.
After a while she appears before you with your tea and you accept it without thought, staring down into the murky dark liquid that seems to match your mood. The foul smell reaches your nose as you watch ribbons of essence swirl around in the cup, bringing a question to the forefront of your mind.
âHas she given him a child?â
You force yourself to ask the question despite the sudden, furious pounding of your heart. Despite your fear of hearing the answer, of having salt poured into the wound thatâs already been opened inside of you.
âNo, Your Grace,â Hyeri vows, taking a seat beside you once again. âNo, she has not.â
You stare at her. A curious thing, that.
When you were a girl your mother had always made it seem as though falling pregnant were as simple as catching the common cold. Sheâd warned you against ever being alone with any boy of your age for that very reason. And you -- being you -- had followed her instruction to the letter.
But it would seem all of that caution and hand wringing was for naught.
The King has a wife and a lover -- but no children, legitimate or otherwise. Something about that knowledge prickles just beneath your consciousness like an itch. Your grip around the teacup tightens.
âNothing is simple about this situation, Your Grace. The two of you have been thrust into an arrangement Iâm certain neither one of you would have chosen otherwise. But I do believe there is a way to make the best of the circumstances youâve been given.â
The image of the Kingâs bare back flashes in your mind. The image of his body looming over his lover, of her legs wrapped around her waist. Of the way her hands grasped at the dark strands of his hair.
âI believe the King has already found a way to make the best of it,â you bite out. âHeâs certainly not let a little thing like our arrangement stand in the way of his pursuits.â
Hyeri, shamefaced, closes her eyes and releases a heavy breath of resignation.
âYouâve every right to be angry, Your Grace,â she acknowledges weakly. âI know this. But you would not believe the horror stories Iâve heard about other women in similar situations. Married off to horrible, heartless men. As painful as this situation is, I urge you to remember that the King is not a cruel man. And I do believe that he cares for you, in his way.â
You look up from your steaming tea to meet her gaze your own, straightening your spine and lifting your chin in defiance. She gawks when you hand it back, untouched, and stand to smooth your skirts.
You fetch your basket from a nearby table and make for the door, pausing briefly to turn back before you leave.
âPerhaps youâre right, Hyeri,â you concede quietly. âBut perhaps indifference is a cruelty of its own kind.â
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The heat is at its peak in these final weeks of summer, the air thick with the threat of rain. Itâs the kind of heat that makes it hard to walk, hard to breathe. Itâs the kind of heat that keeps most people inside, seeking refuge from the unforgiving sun.
But this afternoon, you will endure it.
Youâll endure it because despite the way your dress sticks to the backs of your legs and despite the damp, suffocating grip of your corset, you still much prefer this to being confined to your chambers. Faced with Hyeriâs gentle pity.
And so you brave the heat to steal away to your safe place, to sit in quiet contemplation with only the birds chirping overhead to watch you lick your wounds.
You wonder what your mother would say if she could see you now -- her favored daughter with a useless marriage and an equally useless womb. You wonder what your sister would say if she could see you now -- her pitiful sister just as miserable as sheâd so sagely predicted long ago.
You open your journal to find your sketch and trace one fingertip over the neat, clean lines of your canary likeness. The quality of the work pleases you. There is nothing to add and nothing to take away. And as you study the finished work and ponder the predicaments laid before you, a question surfaces in your mind.
What now?
Perhaps there is a strange kind of freedom in knowing that the Kingâs heart was never yours to win. Perhaps one day, when the sounds of their frantic coupling cease ringing in your ears, youâll find it in yourself to feel sorry for your husband and his lover. And perhaps if you were bold like Chaehee, youâd seize any opportunity at happiness here -- propriety and etiquette be damned.
You admire the canary one last time before turning to a fresh, blank page. You reach for a charcoal and set to work on a new sketch.
This one from memory alone.
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The King and his men return in the dead of night.
The circumstances of his arrival suit you quite well. Youâre in no particular hurry to see your husband and in no particular mood to feign excitement for his homecoming. Childishly, you wonder how long you can manage to avoid him before the servants start asking questions.
To your great dismay, you get the answer much sooner than you would have preferred.
After a morning spent walking the woods, resolutely avoiding the castle grounds, you arrive at the aviary to find the King waiting for you. He is seated at the desk -- your desk -- head tipped back as he gazes at the birds above.
Just the sight of him is enough to set off an excruciating tightness in your chest, a spontaneous distress that makes your legs feel weak. Your grip on the basket in your hands squeezes so tight, the wicker threads dig painfully into your palms.
Briefly, you contemplate turning back.
You contemplate leaving this place and this man behind and hiding from your predicaments for just a bit longer. But the sound of the earth crunching beneath your walking boots draws the Kingâs attention and before you can slip away unnoticed, heâs turned his gaze to you.
He rises to his feet and bile rises in your throat.
âGood afternoon, Your Grace,â he greets kindly. âI hope I find you well today.â
âGood afternoon,â you murmur, returning the bow with a stiff one of your own. âAnd you do.â
âI sought you out at the castle but Hyeri said she hadnât seen you since morning,â he explains, taking a few tentative steps towards you. âSo I thought I might find you here.â
âFind me you did, Your Grace,â you return soberly, moving to set your basket down. You issue your next words through a tight smile. âAnd welcome back, of course. I am pleased by your safe return.â
The warm smile that comes over him makes your stomach lurch.
âThank you. Itâs rather a good thing that I could not find you at the castle, I suppose. It really has been too long since Iâve spent time here.â He sweeps his gaze over the grandeur of his garden and you study his handsome face.
His handsome, traitorous face.
âIt is quite lovely, isnât it?â he muses.
âQuite.â
The conversation grinds to a halt when you add nothing further to the sentiment. The two of you regard one another in uneasy silence until the King clears his throat.
âI have something for you,â he says, producing a small leather pouch from his pocket. âItâs only a small trinket, but it made me think of you.â
You think of me? How on earth do you find the time?
The caustic words leap to the tip of your tongue but you swallow them down instead of speaking them out loud. Instead you force yourself to extend your hand and accept the pouch, resisting the urge to pull your hand away when the Kingâs fingers brush against yours.
Thereâs a question in the way heâs looking at you right now, and youâre keenly aware of it as he watches you open his gift. You turn the pouch over in your hand and a green stone tumbles into your palm.
Youâre quiet as you study it, running your thumb over itâs smooth edges. Feeling for the dip of the grooves carved into it. It takes a moment to realize what youâre seeing is the rudimentary shape of a bird.
âItâs Jade,â the King explains. âThe Northerners are still a rather superstitious people, you see. Many of them still subscribe to the ways of the old kings. They say Jade brings prosperity and health.â He pauses for a moment before adding awkwardly, âIf you believe in that sort of thing, of course.â
Slowly, you lift your gaze from the stone in your palm to regard your truly perplexing husband.
Youâd expected your fury to return the moment you saw him again. Youâd expected to be filled with the same white-hot rage youâd felt the day you discovered him in bed with his lover. But now he stands before you and the anger will not materialize. In its place, you feel something far more complicated.
Resignation.
Long before your fathers laid out a plan to join the two of you in matrimony, the King was in love with someone else. Long before the laborious dress fittings or the days-long carriage ride that brought you here, the King was in love with someone else.
Nothing you have done or could do will change that.
There is realization, too. That what lies at the very root of your anger is wounded pride -- not a broken heart. The King may never love you, and in this moment you have never been more certain that you could never love him back.
Youâve been silent for far too long. Staring for far too long. You know it from the way the tips of the Kingâs ears have turned a bit rosy and from the boyish way he scratches at the back of his neck.
âIf you donât like it -- â
â -- No. No, I like it very much,â you insist, once you can think clearly enough to speak. âThank you. I wish very much for years of prosperity and health. So let us both hope the Northerners have it right.â
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The King doesnât come to you that night.
And as you lie awake in bed, you wonder if heâs with her right now. Making up for lost time the way that only lovers can.
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Itâs the sight of a massive Black Arabian that stops you short in the middle of your morning walk.
The grand animal stands taller than any horse youâve ever seen, muscles prominent and coat shiny with sweat as it cants circles around the horse pen. Its head sways wildly as it snorts, stamping its feet in irritation.
The curious scene draws you off your intended path and you find yourself walking towards it instead of towards the woods. As you near, you watch a stablehand attempt to approach the animal, seeking to grab hold of its bridle. The animal shakes its head violently and the stablehand shrinks back in fear.
âLeave him be.â
The order that comes from just inside the stables is gruff, tone brooking no argument. You turn towards it, watching as Lord Jung emerges from the refuge of the shade. âHeâs had enough.â
The stablehand looks all too happy to quit the company of the irate stallion. You smother a laugh at the comical speed in which he backs out of the pen. He spots you standing near the fence as he makes his escape, bravely pausing long enough to risk a bow in your direction.
The gesture immediately captures the attention of Lord Jung and he approaches without delay.
âForgive me, Your Grace,â he says with a quiet smile, bowing smoothly. âI would have acknowledged you much sooner had I known you were here.â
Heâs forgone the heavy weight of his tunic in this heat, opting instead for a light linen shirt -- the sleeves of which heâs rolled up to expose his strong forearms. Locks of dark hair cling to the sweat at his brow, curling at the ends.
Truly, you must speak with Hyeri at once about drawing your corset too tight. Itâs the only reasonable explanation for why it takes you so long to find a breath.
âNo, My Lord, please. You must forgive me for sneaking around,â you return at last. âI hadnât meant to interrupt but I heard the fuss as I was headed out to the woods. I stopped to take a closer look.â
Lord Jung looks over his shoulder at the Arabian, still trotting frustrated circles around the pen. Though the animal seems to have calmed considerably since the retreat of the stablehand, itâs clear heâs still a bit disgruntled.
âWe brought him back from the survey,â he explains. âA gift to His Grace from one of the wealthy Northern families.â
âA generous gift,â you muse. âHeâs magnificent.â
âHe is,â Lord Jung agrees. âAnd heâll be a powerful asset one day. Today, however, itâs proving a bit of a challenge to break him. â
Behind him the horse continues to stamp, head swaying. It brings each foot high and drops it back in a jerking motion, snorting with irritation at nearly every step.
âI wonder if he doesnât care for the shape of his shoes,â you speculate. âSome horses are quite particular about that sort of thing, from what I understand.â
Lord Jung turns back to you with an expression of mild surprise.
âYou have knowledge of horses?â
âI have some,â you admit shyly. âMy brother works with them a great deal. I spent so many days at his heels that he had no choice but to relent and teach me how to ride.â
The memory makes you smile. And when your eyes flick up to meet his, Lord Jung is smiling too. Your pulse skips a beat at the way he regards you with those fathomless dark eyes.
âDo you miss riding?â
Every day.
âSometimes.â
Lord Jung nods as he reaches for the skin of water at his hip. He takes a long pull of it before swiping at the sweat on his brow with his forearm, the linen shirt clinging scandalously to his lean chest.
You breathe deeply and force yourself to look away from him and back to the horse.
âI suspect it will take some time to fully break him in,â he remarks thoughtfully. âIâll be working here in the stables for the time being. If it pleases you, you are certainly welcome to come watch.â He pauses for a moment before adding, âSo long as the King doesnât mind you spending time away, that is.â
âOh, I assure you Lord Jung,â you laugh, hoping the sound is enough to conceal the true cynicism in your words, âI am quite the last thing on the Kingâs mind at this hour or any other.â
You regret the words the very moment they come out of your mouth.
The darkness that comes over the manâs pretty features is like a passing shadow, gone nearly as quickly as it comes on. But you see it -- and itâs more than enough to make you feel embarrassed for speaking so carelessly. You tuck a wayward strand of hair behind your ear and shift your weight on your feet.
âForgive me, I didnât mean -- â you start awkwardly, only to be silenced by Lord Jung.
â-- Donât. Thereâs no need to apologize, Your Grace,â he interrupts, an edge of steel to his voice that you are certain was not there before. âThe offer stands. You know where to find me.â
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You take great care to busy yourself the next morning, setting off to the kitchen pantries with purpose.
Armed with a large basket, you carefully pore through the castleâs stores seeking dried noodles, salted meats and cheeses. You search for foods that would keep without spoiling quickly and find a veritable bounty -- Guksu noodles that could sit at the heart of any meal and beef that would do quite nicely for a Jangjorim.
The kitchen women bustle all around you, working to prepare huge pots of kimchi stew. You do your best to be mindful, trying not to be underfoot as they work -- and they pay your consideration back in kind with pleasant smiles and gentle offers of assistance.
You gladly accept the help.
And though there is much to occupy your mind this morning, you find that you cannot stop thinking about Lord Jung. At the very forefront remains the disconcerting way his demeanor had changed at the end of your encounter at the stables.
You cannot help but feel as though youâd angered him with your thoughtless words about the King.
You would do quite well to remember that Lord Jungâs loyalties lie squarely with His Grace and likely always will. That the two of them have been bound to one another since they were boys and that nothing -- certainly not some foreign interloper -- is likely to change that.
So you spend an inordinate amount of time arranging and rearranging the supplies in your basket -- trying to push the memory of Lord Jungâs dark eyes and quiet smile out of your mind. You remind yourself that duty and honor take precedence above all else for a man like him. That his kindness and generosity are surely little more than gestures of respect.
But beneath all of your rationalizations, a question still lingers.
What if theyâre not?
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Min Boram is a tiny little thing. Pretty, delicate features set in a slender face.
It makes the wide smile she wears as she welcomes you into her home seem much larger, wholly warm and inviting. She bows to you first and then takes you by complete surprise by throwing her arms around you and squeezing tight.
You decide in that very first moment that you like her very, very much.
The Min household is rather modest in size, but exceedingly neat and well furnished. A pot of beancurd soup simmers on the stove, tinging the air with a comforting scent. There is an atmosphere of care and calm in this place and it makes you feel immediately at ease.
âYour Grace, it is so kind of you to pay a visit,â Boram says sweetly, eyes flashing with excitement as you extend the basket in your hands. At the very top sits the tiny pair of socks youâd spent days working on. Imperfect stitches face down, of course.
âAnd you come bearing gifts? My goodness, this is so generous.â
âOh, itâs my pleasure, truly,â you smile, taking the seat she offers you in the drawing room. She leaves you for only a moment before returning with two cups of tea, one of which you gratefully accept. âI really had hoped to come by much sooner, but Hyeri explained to me that there is a customary waiting period in this Kingdom after a mother welcomes a child.â
Boram feigns a look of annoyance, waving one bothered hand in the air.
âCustoms can be so strange, can they not? I would have gladly welcomed you any time you wished. But I am quite glad that you are here now.â
Youâre quite glad of it too, you think. You welcome the change in scenery and company, the chance to spend time away from the castle and all the complications it represents.
âI can only imagine how busy these first few months of motherhood are,â you say, gesturing to your basket. âSo I tried to bring you a few things that might help in that regard. A few things that could go into a quick meal if you find yourself pressed for time.â
Boram grins.
âFood is always in short supply in this house, on account of my husband. I donât know where he puts it, but I will make sure he knows who to thank for this generous contribution to his full belly.â
At that, you canât help but laugh.
âIâm sure youâre wondering where the baby is,â she says, casting a sidelong glance at one of the homeâs bedrooms. âSheâs still sleeping, Iâm afraid. I still have yet to convince her that the time for rest is when the sun goes down.â
âDoes she wake very often, then?â
âThree times at least,â Boram sighs. âTwo times on a good night. Itâs a wonder I have my wits about me enough to conduct a proper conversation with you right now.â
âI would also like to add that you look very well,â you remark genuinely. âWere I not privy to your news, Iâd be hard pressed to identify you as a new mother at all.â
Boramâs cheeks flush at the compliment. âYou flatter me, Your Grace.â
âAnd Lord Min? How is he faring in the early days of fatherhood?â
Boram pulls a face that makes you smile.
âYoongi has always been one to treasure his sleep and thereâs little of that to come by these days. Iâve found him napping in the garden at least twice now.â
âPoor man,â you laugh.
âOh, please,â Boram groans, rolling her eyes. âI cook all his favorite foods to make up for it. Heâll live.â
âThat he will,â you agree with a smile. You set your teacup down and smooth your hands over your skirts. âThank you for the tea, Mrs. Min. I had only planned to take a few minutes of your time but your company is so welcome I think I forgot myself.â
âItâs Boram,â she corrects with a teasing huff, âAnd if it pleases you, Iâd very much like you to stay. Itâs yet another hour until Yoongi will be home for lunch. I realize youâre quite busy, but -- â
â -- Iâm not,â you cut in, perhaps a bit too quickly. âIâm not busy at all. And Iâll be happy to stay for a while longer.â
So you stay, happily, and forget the time again as you make conversation with Boram. There is no artifice in her, none of the contrived pleasantry and deference you find in so many of your interactions as a Queen. The two of you carry on in pleasant discourse until a sharp cry from the bedroom silences you both.
âOh no. I hope I didnât wake her,â you whisper, as though controlling the volume of your voice after the fact would serve any purpose at all.
Boram snorts. âCertainly not. Itâs time for her to eat, is all. If youâll excuse me for a moment, Iâll fetch her.â
For the second time since meeting, Min Boram surprises you -- this time by producing what is quite certainly the most plump baby youâve ever seen. It defies logic that two people so slight in stature could produce an infant so round. You take care not to stare in wide-eyed shock as Boram settles back into her chair with the adorable, chubby child now at her breast.
âWhat a delightful diversion you are, Your Grace. I find that most of my days are spent like this now,â she says, motioning to her precious cargo. âItâs nice to speak to someone who speaks back for a change.â
If only she knew how deeply you understood that sentiment. How you sometimes dread the morning routine of deciding between the very few options before you, how you sometimes dread the night knowing that when you wake youâll do it over again. And again.
âCan I tell you a secret, Boram?â you ask. The woman nods, lips parted as she listens.
âIâm bored,â you admit with a laugh. âIâve nothing to do. There are people here to see to the feasts and people to see to the staff and people to see to every available task. Most days, I find myself quite at odds over how to pass the time. I suppose if I had children, it would be my responsibility alone to rear them, but as yet I do not. And so, if you find yourself in need of someone who speaks back, I would be glad to be that someone.â
Boram is quiet for a moment before her lips curve into a soft, appreciative smile.
âThank you, Your Grace,â Boram replies softly. âFor many things. But for your honesty, most of all.â
You flush a bit, looking down at your hands. You hadnât expected to speak to her with such candor and you canât help but feel a bit exposed. Boram finishes feeding her daughter, looking at you thoughtfully as she gently raps against the childâs back.
âWould you like to hold her?â
God, you would, wouldnât you? Youâd longed for it from the moment you arrived. You nod with a shy smile and Boram stands to her feet. Carefully, she settles her child into the waiting cradle of your arms.
You welcome the weight of the baby, hold her carefully to your chest and watch, utterly rapt as she blinks up at you with curious dark eyes, milk-drunk and content.
âSheâs beautiful, is she not?â Boram says proudly.
âShe is,â you breathe, stroking one reverent hand over the tuft of hair at the crown of the babyâs head. âTruly the sweetest child.â
âWhen I was a girl, my mother told me that children born with hair are highly favored. Destined for greatness,â she muses softly. âI told Yoongi the same thing when she was born.â
âAnd what did he say?â you ask, refusing to take your eyes off the child for even a moment.
âHeâs far too pragmatic, my husband,â she scoffs. âHe says the King didnât have a single hair on his head until he was two years old. And heâs the King now, after all, isnât he?â
The mere mention of the King, particularly as you are holding this child, is like a knife to a freshly scabbed wound. You are unprepared for the swell of emotion that follows -- unprepared for the way your throat seizes, making it hard to breathe. Unprepared for the tears that swim into your vision.
And it is somewhere in the midst of this crisis -- with Min Yeona pressed to your breast -- that you miss the sound of boots being kicked clean at the door. Not one pair, but two.
When you finally come to your senses long enough to lift your head and acknowledge the men standing before you, itâs too late to conceal the afflicted look on your face. Too late to wipe away with unshed tears.
Lord Jung fixes his dark eyes to yours. You wish you could hide from him in this moment, so that he couldnât see you like this. So that you didnât have to see the concern, the alarm in his eyes.
For the first time since coming to this place, someone finally sees you.
At the very moment in which you wish least to be seen.
hello if you are reading this now i super appreciate you. thank you for reading and i'd love to hear from you đđđ talk to me here!
title: first love, last love
posted: january 19th, 2021, 7pm est
pairing: bad boy pianist!yoongi x university!reader(f)
genre: angst, smut; opposites to lovers, high school/university au
summary: after the most pivotal moment in your life, you never thought you would ever see him again. years later, you cross paths in the last place you ever imagined him to be. was this the universe giving you a second chance? or were you destined to repeat the same mistakes you fought hard to forget?
warnings: alcohol, house parties, rough sex, dom/sub undertones, choking, hair-pulling, oral (m/f rec), fingering, penetration, unprotected sex (pls be responsible!), dirty talk, gagging with a tie, creampie, nipple play, public sex (kinda?), edging, denied orgasms, doggy-style, cowgirl, overstimulation, min yoongi in mf general
notes: thank you to @sketchguk, @softyoongiionly, and @yoonjinkooked (and honestly the rest of the @bangtansorciere network) for being incredible hype ppl! and @bangtantaegiâ this is filthy yoongi smut, what can i say??
mobile users: alt link if this doesnât open in tumblr â ao3
word count: 33.5k !! (omg i am so sorry, you can yell at me)
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What does it look like when an artistâs passion dies?Â
You imagined an unfinished painting, the canvas collecting dust in a corner amongst rusting paint pots and hardened brushes. Or an abandoned instrument case shoved into the back of a closet, sheet music stuffed in binders stuffed in boxes stuffed in the attic. The arts no longer spoke, danced, comforted. What was once a technicolor ocean of imagination now resembled an ugly, dried sludge of doubts and fears and excuses to find another path. Societyâs standard path. One with a more stable lifestyle and greater number of career choices.Â
No matter what you pictured, it was nothing compared to what you were witnessing. The world before you swam in your vision: the imposing, dark monster of a grand piano swallowing its prey whole. And the victim didnât fight back - not even for a moment. They let it consume them under the blinding spotlight, a feasting on full display. They knew this was the close, proverbial wings folding around their slumped form in surrender.
The entire room held its breath, but inside you a storm raged so harshly that you wouldnât be surprised if people could hear your thundering pleas.Â
Tags for this chapter: Finally, an end to the angst; smut
a/n: Thank you for your patience with this story. I never expected it to take this long to finish. This is the end of the official story. I do have an epilogue planned, but, realistically, I wonât post it until the end of the year. It is more lighthearted and less angst. Itâs the story of how they meet each otherâs families and a glimpse of their future.
I actually cried reading this oh my god. My heart is so heavy. And light? Iâm very incoherent right now. Dear Author you have a talent in amplifying the unspokenâŚIâm not making sense. I very much Felt both of these charactersâŚ.theyâre so raw. Theyâre raw and vulnerable and make my heart clench. Someone will probably write a much more eloquent comment/anon message to you but I just want to say thank you for writing this. Iâve been following this story from the beginning and it has been a joy, an absolute joy. Thank you for your effort and thank you for sharing.
summary | Graduate school tuition: $30,000. A marriage license: $30. A man willing to kill the cockroaches: priceless. For everything elseâŚwell thatâs the tough part, isnât it?
pairing | yoongi/reader
word count |Â 4k
tags | fluff, college au, grad school au, architecture!yoongi, urbanplanning!yoongi, psychology!reader, publichealth!reader
rating | teen and up
warnings | mild references to consensual sexual activity, also pls donât take this fic as a guide to scamming the us govt by getting married thnx
note | written for @btswriterscollective anniversary event contest!
â
As you step out of the courthouse, blinking into the surprisingly bright winter sun, you canât decide whether youâre relieved or terrified.
Let it be said, that youâd never imagined getting married like this. Not that youâd been the sort of kid to plan an extravagant wedding or play house with the kid next door, but that didnât mean youâd expected this.
This, of course, being your entirely too chill courthouse wedding to your best friend and architect extraordinaire, Min Yoongi. You can hear Jin and Yoongi chatting behind you as if getting married for financial aid was the most normal thing in the world.
âYou good?â Jimin asks beside you. Heâs peering at you with such concern you could laugh. âDid you drink too much last night? You look like you might throw up.â
You didnât and you might, but you donât tell him that.
âWe should get brunch,â you say instead, pointing at each of your compatriots in this crazy scam. âMimosas? Mimosas? Mimosas?â
đď¸summary: hoseok comes home in the middle of the night and it doesn't take long for you to realize something is wrong. very, very wrong.
đď¸pairing: reader x mafia!hoseok
đď¸rating: mature, 18+
đď¸genre: smut, mafia AU, guarded AU drabble though it can be read as a standalone story
đď¸warnings: standard smut warnings, feelings because apparently i know no other way
đď¸word count: 1.7K
đď¸notes: i've had in mind to write a series of these drabbles for the guarded AU involving all of the original story characters. all returning home from the same terrifying night on the job, each processing the trauma a bit differently. as always, thank you for reading and please talk to me about it! of course, i couldn't have written or posted this without the help and guidance of @ladyartemesia @btsarmy9593 and @hobi-gif thank you so much ladies. also a big thank you to the very sweet @diorggukie who was so kind to answer my questions!
He comes to you in the dead of night.
The bed dips under his weight as he slips quietly beneath the covers, pressing the length of his body to yours. You start to rouse when he wraps himself around you -- firm chest at your back, strong forearm banded over your waist -- and you open your eyes to darkness, disoriented.
âHoseok?â You call out to him, not quite awake and not quite asleep.
No answer.
âBaby?â
Still no answer.
The fear comes over you slowly, pulsing from your legs to your chest to your arms. Finally then to your brain, sounding the alarm inside your head as the pieces start to fall into place.
Heâs warm, far too warm, skin feverish and damp from what must have been a scalding hot shower. Heâs breathing hard like heâs just gone for a run, his shuddering breaths ragged and rough behind the soft shell of your ear. And heâs holding you so tight heâs practically crushing his body to yours.
Thatâs when you realize heâs trembling.
Thatâs when your own heart starts to rattle inside your chest.
âHoseok,â you call his name louder now, clearer, trying to suppress the panic in your voice. âBaby, please. Tell me youâre okay.â
He doesnât.
You wrench yourself out of his stranglehold to turn over and curl into him, searching for his face in the dark. Beneath the lone sliver of moonlight that peeks through the blinds he looks blank, eyes open and unseeing.
âHoseok -- â you cup his face in your hands, grip firm as you try to rouse him from his stupor. â-- Youâre scaring me. Tell me whatâs wrong.â
He stares back at you, quiet for a long time before he answers.
âBad night, baby,â he whispers at last, âReal bad night.â
The words alone would be enough to make your heart seize, but the brittle, hollow sound of his voice is your undoing. Heâs right in front of you, in your arms, but he sounds a million miles away.
âYou want to talk about it?â
He doesnât answer. He doesnât have to. Your answer is in his vacant expression, the shuttered look in his eyes. You know damned well the terrible things heâs seen -- the terrible things heâs had to do in this line of work. And you know that most nights heâs able to absorb that trauma, to contain and defuse it before he comes home to you.
This is not most nights.
âItâs alright, baby,â you whisper, leaning in to press kisses to his warm temple, his flushed cheeks. âYou donât have to say anything. You donât have to do anyth--â
The words die on your tongue Hoseok turns his face to capture your mouth with his.
The adrenaline lying dormant in his bloodstream roars back to life in an instant. In one swift movement heâs on top of you, pinning you down with his lithe frame, mouth and hands everywhere at once. His touch is rough, desperate, teeth scraping against the hollow of your throat. Fingers digging into the soft curve of your ass. He kisses you like heâs trying to consume you, filling the air in his lungs with the breath he steals from yours.
âHoseok -- â you pull away from him long enough to gasp for air, digging your fingers into his hair when he buries his face between your breasts. â -- Baby, youâre okay. Itâs over. Itâs over.â
Heâs not ready to listen.
Heâs still too keyed up, too wild from whatever he endured out there tonight. He sucks bruises into the column of your throat as his unsteady hands grasp at the satin barrier between you, shoving the thin nightgown up your thighs. You draw in a sharp breath when he slots one leg between yours, pressing the hot, hard length of his cock to the soft curve of your stomach.
âI need you,â he chokes out, heart hammering wildly inside his chest where itâs pressed against your own. âPlease.â
There will be none of his trademark finesse tonight. None of the sexy words he loves to whisper in your ear, none of the practiced touches he loves to tease you with until heâs certain youâre ready for him. And none of that matters in this moment.
His hips jerk when you slide a hand between your bodies to take hold of his rigid cock, guiding the blunt head to your entrance. You slide it against the moisture gathered there, pressing your lips to the shell of his ear.
âTake me, baby,â you whisper, âTake whatever you need.â
The words are barely out of your mouth before Hoseok is surging forward, fusing himself to you in one devastating stroke. Heâs so damned hard -- impossibly hard -- and you canât help but whimper at the sudden, sharp intrusion.
âShit,â he swears under his breath, head dropping low between his shoulder blades. His arms shake with effort as he forces himself to hold still above you. âI didnât mean -- â
You swallow his apology with a kiss, tearing a pained groan from him as you squeeze your thighs tight around his slim legs and skate your hands down his back to cup his ass. You tilt your hips up, rolling them against his in invitation.
âItâs alright, baby,â you promise, speaking the words against his lips. âI can take it.â
Itâs like pulling the pin on a grenade. Once you speak those words out loud, he abandons what little control he had left, fucking into you with utter desperation. His fingers dig savagely into the cushion of your hips, pulling you in to meet each one of his unforgiving thrusts.
âThought I was never going to see you again,â he pants, mouth latching to one stiff nipple through your nightgown. He sets his teeth to it despite the barrier, dragging it into his mouth through the damp satin.
Youâre glad he canât see the tears that spring to your eyes. You squeeze them shut, trying to push his words out of your mind, trying to think only about the steady rhythm of his hips against yours and the feeling of his cock buried deep.
âYouâre here, baby,â you soothe, running your hands up his back. You can feel the faint tremor that runs just under the surface of his skin. âHere with me. Youâre not going anywhere.â
At that, he fucks you harder. Hard enough that you have to press one hand to the headboard behind you to keep him from forcing you up the length of the bed. Hard enough that you know youâll feel him everywhere tomorrow, know that youâll see the evidence of his agony all over your skin.
He groans your name into the crook of your neck when he comes, shuddering as he empties himself inside of you for what feels like an eternity. And then he collapses onto you, shivering despite the warmth emanating from his skin, despite the heat thatâs been generated between you.
You hold him close and trace your fingertips up and down his back until the shivering stops.
Heâs still sleeping deeply when you slip out of bed.
The apartment is peaceful at this hour, the blue hue of the early light comforting in the quiet of the kitchen. Youâre not much of a cook, never have been, but this morning that doesnât matter.
You are going to make this man some fucking breakfast.
Itâs easier to focus on brewing the coffee and buttering the toast than it is to think about the way he looked at you last night. The things heâd confessed to you in the dark. The way he held you like he was afraid youâd vanish.
You crack the last of your eggs into a bowl and walk to the trash can, prepared to drop the empty carton inside.
But when you press down on the foot pedal, the lid comes up and the carton in your hand falls to the floor below.
At the top of the trash pile sits Hoseokâs white dress shirt -- the one youâd bought him in Gangnam a few months ago. The one he was wearing when youâd kissed him goodbye before he left last night.
The blood smears splattered across it are a bit rusty now, oxidized and dull.
Itâs so much blood that for a moment your heart stops before your brain steps in to remind you that this canât be his blood. That youâd had your hands and mouth on every inch of his skin last night. That heâs sleeping safe and sound in your bedroom just a few feet away.
Youâve seen so many sides of Hoseok by now, his happiness and his passion and his melancholy and his fury. But youâve never seen him terrified. Not until now.
You stare down at that shirt, willing yourself not to imagine the gruesome scenarios that come to mind. Willing yourself not to panic over events that are already said and done. Willing yourself not to collapse with grief.
Heâd asked you to marry him.
Heâd done it in that low key way of his, of course -- on a drive home from dinner, stopped at a red light. Heâd cut the radio and reached across the gear shift to take your hand and heâd asked you to marry him. And youâd said no.
Youâd argued that trauma begets trauma. That hearing the stories about your own parentsâ volatile marriage had poisoned you against any hope for one of your own. That you still didnât fully understand the damage done by years at the hands of an alcoholic father in the absence of a dead mother. That being a Kim at one time nearly destroyed you, but now it defines you.
And heâd accepted it.
In that low key way of his, of course -- stone-faced and jaw tight. Heâd never made mention of it again, though you could sometimes feel it heavy in the air between you. Though at times you could feel the weight of it pressing down on your chest when you relived the memory of that night in the car.
This morning, you stare down into that trash can -- down at the ghastly red-orange stains that mar what used to be a pristine white canvas -- and your excuses echo through your mind, pathetic and small.
Hoseok would give his life for you. For your brother. For any man in this organization without second thought.
This is the life you chose and this is the man you chose.
âŚÂ word count. 17.7k
âŚÂ genre. parent fic, fluff, angst, a bit of boob action
âŚÂ warnings. illness, mention of hospitalisation, mention of minor character death, yoongi is kind of a dick sometimes, accidental(?) flashing
âŚÂ summary. itâs not that you donât like your job. on the contrary, reading bedtime stories to a certified little princess is something you still canât believe you get paid to do. itâs just that between all the school runs, snow days and secret second hot chocolates before bed, you may fallen a little too hard for those dimpled cheeks and gummy smilesâŚ. worse still, youâve fallen for her father too.
 ⌠a/n. merry christmas everyone!! this fic is a collaboration with the wonderful @underthejoonâ @kpopfanfictrashâ @suga-kookiemonsterâ @junghelioseokâ @bendthekneetobangtanâ @lamourcheâ and @hobidreamsâ. itâs late, lame and cheesy (and probably under-edited) but I like it that way. I hope youâre all having a fantastic holiday, wherever you may be <3Â
Tags for this chapter: Angst and more angst; miscommunication
a/n: If I did this right, it should feel like a slow motion train wreck that you canât help but watch. They find their way back to each other, but both of them have some changes to make first. Also, thereâs a reference to the bdsm club which when I first outlined this fic (not even going to think how long ago that was *cue tears*) played a larger role, but I decided to explore trust in another way. That is the club mentioned here.
â Summary: After your grandfatherâs passing, you decide to take over his farm and plant the trendiest vegetable: kale. Itâs a struggle to be in the countryside when youâve always been a city girl. But thereâs someone less than sympathetic â a grumpy farmer across the acres whoâs constantly trying to pick a fight with you.
â Summary: It isnât hard to be a pâtisserie chef, but itâs not a piece of cake either. It seems like for you in particular, life keeps throwing in one wrench after another. It always finds ways to make your sweets bitter. The cherry on top is Jeon Jungkook â a rival with a sensitive sweet tooth who always finds ways to complain about you.
Tags for this chapter: day in the life of y/n, rambling thoughts, a little angst?
a/n: This is a companion to the Yoongi POV chapter. Itâs another side path from the main story. The overall narrative needed some Plot to Move Things Along. As usual I did a little research and a lot of hand-waving over details. Iâve always planned Yoongi and y/n to have a happy ending - this hasnât changed - but writing this spring means a kind of melancholy has fallen over everything. This story doesnât take place in a Covid-19 world, but I canât seem separate my state of mind from the story.Â
Thank you for reading and thank you for your patience.
â Summary: It isnât hard to be a pâtisserie chef, but itâs not a piece of cake either. It seems like for you in particular, life keeps throwing in one wrench after another. It always finds ways to make your sweets bitter. The cherry on top is Jeon Jungkook â a rival with a sensitive sweet tooth who always finds ways to complain about you.
â Summary: It isnât hard to be a pâtisserie chef, but itâs not a piece of cake either. It seems like for you in particular, life keeps throwing in one wrench after another. It always finds ways to make your sweets bitter. The cherry on top is Jeon Jungkook â a rival with a sensitive sweet tooth who always finds ways to complain about you.
Now what? After 3 weeks of protests and educating ourselves and educating others, how do we keep the momentum going for this civil rights movement? How do we make permanent change?
â Summary: It isnât hard to be a pâtisserie chef, but itâs not a piece of cake either. It seems like for you in particular, life keeps throwing in one wrench after another. It always finds ways to make your sweets bitter. The cherry on top is Jeon Jungkook â a rival with a sensitive sweet tooth who always finds ways to complain about you.