CHARLENE @kissingonthecorner - Tumblr Blog

Jul 3

[RUST COHLE] WHO BY FIRE < TAP TO GO TO THE MASTERLIST OF THIS SERIES!

CHAPTER VII: TAKE THIS LONGING

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Charlene says: 3,747 words. Written in third person. Mentions of alcohol, smoking & death. Smut (MDNI!!!). — Felt like this all throughout while writing this chapter😭😭😭 Also this was my first attempt at writing smut so pls forgive me if it's a bit shitty😞 Reblogs & feedback appreciated! 💌

February 4. Friday. 23:57

Rust closed the door to his apartment with a deep sigh as Corrina was already taking out two more beers from the fridge. He dropped down onto the mattress and Corrina did the same, making Rust’s body jump briefly. She giggled at the sight before opening a can and giving it to him.

“I was thinking about Pres’ step-brother today, Cohle,” she started as her eyes stayed fixated on his books. “Do you think we… attract death ‘cause we’re… surrounded by it? Like— ‘cause of what we do?”

Rust took a long sip and turned his head to her. “Maybe,” he said. “Or maybe we’re just… hyper-aware of it. ‘Cause of what we do. People die all the time, Landry.”

Corrina took a sip too and lit a cigarette. “But… I mean…” She didn’t finish that sentence. “Yeah,” she said after a moment of silence, “you’re probably right. Everyone except me always is.”

“…Leo was right… Jimmy had told me… he was right too…”

Rust squinted as he took a deep drag to steady his head, arm hesitantly lifting off his leg and trailing to Corrina’s shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her and she dropped her head on his shoulder, sighing shakily before taking another drag and giving the cigarette to Rust.

“Anyways, you smell really good,” she whispered eventually, chuckling slightly. “They got a good detergent at the laundromat,” Rust replied and she chuckled again, hitting her head against Rust’s shoulder a few times before lifting her head up and looking into his eyes.

Rust stared back, taking a drag, then a sip, before saying, “What?”

Corrina smiled, shaking her head. “Nothing. You’ve… grown on me,” she said, setting the beer can down and hesitating for a split second before brushing hair off his face. Rust took his arm off her shoulder and simultaneously tipped his head back without really thinking about it, almost like it was a reflex. Corrina quickly took her hand off his forehead and her eyes widened. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled before scooting away from him on the mattress.

Rust sat still for a few seconds before scooting closer again. “I— I don’t think I meant to do that,” he mumbled back, Corrina’s head lifting up slowly as the smile creeped up to her face again.

“What did you mean to do?”

“I don’t know.”

Corrina raised an eyebrow.

“Is that so?”

Rust rolled his eyes and looked away.

“Don’t.”

“‘Don’t’ what?”

“Don’t— fuckin’— push it.”

“I’m not pushing anything, Cohle.”

Rust looked at her again, eyebrows furrowing as he squeezed the filter of the cigarette between his fingers.

“Landry,” he said, took the last drag and crushed the cigarette into the ashtray. “Leave it.” He diverted his gaze back to the wall and Corrina pushed her knees up, resting her cheek against one knee as she looked at Rust. “Cohle,” she whispered, “you know better than that.” Rust slowly turned his head towards her again, eyes narrowing as he reached for his pack.

“Better than what?”

“Than to pretend. With me.”

Rust took a deep breath, the kind that makes you feel like you’re suffocating rather than taking in more oxygen into your body. “There are some things, Landry,” he started, “that people aren’t supposed t’do. What you’re tryna do is one of ‘em.”

Corrina shrugged. “I’m not tryna do anything. We’re just talking.”

“This ain’t ‘just talkin’’, Landry. That ain’t where it ends. You’re too smart not t’know that.”

Corrina lifted her head from her knee. “And you wanna see where it ends just like me. I think— maybe, you’re… scared?”

“I’m not scared.”

“Then what are you?”

Rust lit a cigarette.

“I’m tryna be ethical. We work together.”

Corrina scoffed, stretching her legs forward again and pressing her palms into the mattress. “Ethics. Right. When’re you gonna stop hiding behind… philosophy and shit?” she mumbled and it sounded annoyed. Rust’s jaw clenched and he downed the beer, getting up to take out another.

“I don’t hide behind it. I believe it.”

“Didn’t seem so ethical when you wrapped your arm around me, though, Cohle, did it?”

Rust paused, looking at her from behind the counter. He opened the can, took a few sips and closed his eyes for a moment. “Why me?” was what he said when he opened his eyes. “Ya could have any guy ya want without a quarter of the hassle.”

Corrina shrugged again, eyebrows raising as she pursed her lips.

“That’s not an answer,” he said as he walked back to the mattress and sat down. “It’s enough,” she replied, tilting her head. Rust shook his head.

“It’s not. Use your words. Why me?”

Corrina paused for a moment as her eyes studied his face.

“You… remind me of myself,” she said. “Only difference is you’re— you’re just… the way you are. I— put on a mask. And I feel like… I don’t need that mask when I’m…” she paused for a long moment as her eyes glazed over and became stuck to her own hands, “…with you.”

Rust stared at her as silence settled into the small apartment.

Her diary flashed before his eyes in fragments just then, and he understood exactly why she saw herself in him. Why she thought they weren’t as different as they seemed to be.

He slowly scooted closer to her after a while, pressing his palm against her spine as he set the beer can down on the floor. “Ya know there’s no going back from this,” he said quietly, looking into her eyes like he was searching for something.

A change of mind.

A realisation that she didn’t really want this.

But she just smiled, turned her head around to look at his hand and whispered, “You’re already kinda there, Cohle.”

Rust shook his head, making Corrina frown and pout in confusion. “Don’t,” he said. “If you’re gonna do this, Corrina, use my name.”

She flashed a small smile. “Okay, Rust.”

His hand trailed from her spine to the back of her head right then, closing the gap between their lips as she sighed into his mouth and her hands flew to cup his face.

It felt as if they’d done this a hundred times before with the way their lips moved in sync. She tugged at his collar and he started working on the buttons of his shirt without taking his lips off her, her doing the same with her own shirt.

He pulled his head away after their tops were off, pushing her gently until her back met the mattress. She dragged herself further up to rest her head on his pillow as he took off her pants.

Rust looked down at Corrina for a moment, almost bare—and vulnerable. She looked at him with a specific kind of desperation as his hands ran up and down her sides.

He dropped down next to her, laying on his side and propping an elbow next to her head as his hand trailed from her breasts to her stomach before settling on top of her heat.

Corrina whined and opened her legs wider as Rust began rubbing her through her underwear. She whispered his name once and he suddenly took his hands off her, making her frown. She let out a breath when she saw him crawling between her thighs, taking her underwear off.

Rust looked at her as he licked a strip up her folds without warning, her back arching momentarily as she let out a whimper. He wrapped his arms around her thighs to keep her steady, his tongue working in circles first, then slipping in and out of her with the kind of hunger only a man like Rust would have—a man who’d been disgustingly touch-starved for many years.

He smirked to himself as she moaned like it was her first time being touched, her fingers tangling in his hair. Rust’s thumb found her clit when Corrina began rolling her hips against him, rubbing so slowly it contradicted with the way his mouth was moving.

Rust looked up at her when her moans started getting louder. He understood, for one deeply shameful instant, why Manson had become fixated on her as he looked at her face; cheeks flushed, eyes shut tightly and mouth agape.

Then he mentally slapped himself for allowing something like that to pass through his train of thought.

Corrina came soon after that, shaking lightly as Rust slowed down but didn’t quite stop. He waited for her breathing to even out before pulling away, licking his lips as he worked on his belt.

Corrina sat up, reaching for the waistband of his boxers once his pants fell down to his knees, but Rust slowly pulled her hands away as he clicked his tongue. “We’re doin’ it my way,” he said as he pushed his pants fully off his legs, “lay back.”

She smirked and dropped herself onto her back again, taking her bra off as Rust took off his tank-top and boxers.

He opened her legs wider as he settled between them, rubbing his tip up and down her folds painfully slowly. She whined as she looked down, saying, “Rust, please,” as he leaned down and pressed a palm next to her head.

“You want it bad, girl?” he whispered, peppering kisses on her neck as he continued teasing her entrance. “So bad, so, so bad, please,” she begged, bucking her hips in hopes it would give her more friction.

Just then, he remembered what Corrina had said exactly a week ago at Tipsy Lily.

“You wouldn’t be able to satisfy a complex woman like me.”

Rust suddenly pushed himself all the way inside her when the line echoed in his mind, his jaw clenching as he groaned, and Corrina let out a loud sob as her arms wrapped around his neck. “Tell me it feels good,” he said between gritted teeth as he wrapped a hand around her chin and forced her to look at him. “It feels so good, Rust, really good, yeah…” she trailed off as she whined. Only then did Rust start moving his hips, painfully slowly still, but finally moving at least.

He pressed his lips on hers again, shoving his tongue down her throat as she moaned into his mouth and he moved in and out of her.

Rust pulled out fully, only to slam himself back in Corrina and make her jolt, her nails scratching his back like a feral cat.

“C’mon, girl, look at me,” he muttered and her eyes fluttered open slowly, “this what ya wanted, so keep those fuckin’ eyes open.”

She nodded, her eyebrows furrowing as her lips formed into a pout. Rust watched the way Corrina’s pupils dilated momentarily every time he thrusted back into her, the way she struggled to keep her eyes open but did her best to do so just because he’d told her to.

“You’re good…” he whispered as he brushed hair off her face, “Doin’ good…”

He felt her walls clench around him at that, smirking cockily. “Ya like that, huh? Ya like when I talk to ya?” he asked as he cupped her breast, pinching her nipple between his fingers. She tried to talk but it was as if her tongue had tied itself in a knot, so she only nodded. Rust looked down briefly, watching the way he slid in and out of her. He pushed himself deeper into her as she whimpered. “Shit, I shoulda done this sooner,” he mumbled, more to himself than her, before looking at her again.

His pace quickened soon after and he buried his face in her neck as she wrapped her legs around his waist. Corrina’s head started feeling fuzzy and she finally closed her eyes once her vision blurred, clinging to Rust like she was on the verge of death and only he could save her.

Corrina’s thighs started shaking as Rust’s movements started getting sloppier. She tightened her legs around him when he tried to pull out, Rust pushing his face off her neck to look at her. “Inside— Please,” she forced out and he nodded. “And can you… hold my hand?”

Rust almost felt bad in that moment, when he saw how desperate she looked while asking him to… just… hold her hand. He slowly interlocked both his hands with hers as pressed a soft kiss on her temple and she let her eyes roll back, her back arching off the mattress as Rust started getting close too.

“It’s okay, sweet girl,” he groaned into her ear as he snaked a hand between their bodies to rub gentle circles around her clit, “let go, c’mon.”

That was all Corrina needed to finally come undone around him, biting Rust’s shoulder as he spilled inside her at the same time—their bodies shaking as they held each other tightly.

Rust collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily as she lazily played with the curls on the back of his neck.

He kissed her collarbone once before rolling onto his back, lighting two cigarettes and giving one to Corrina. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer as he took a drag, Corrina laying her head on his shoulder as a content sigh escaped her lips.

“Kellman would kill me if he learns about this,” she mumbled and chuckled. Rust frowned and looked down at her. “Why?” he asked and took a drag.

“I promised him I would never mess with co-workers.”

“We keep it t’ourselves, then.”

“Yeah…” Corrina breathed, looking down at Rust’s tatted arm wrapped around her, tracing the skeletal bird with her fingertips. “I wanna get one, too,” she said. “Same one?” he asked. “No,” she replied, “this one’s yours. Something else.”

Rust nodded slowly, tapping ash into the ashtray as Corrina slipped away from him to take the beers they’d set down earlier. They were warm now, but still drinkable.

She chugged hers down as she handed Rust his, setting it back on the floor before sprawling her body across his again. Rust’s hand found her hair, mindlessly caressing it as she closed her eyes.

“Anyone ever tell ya it looks like you’re cryin’ during it?”

And he could swear he didn’t feel her heartbeat for a few seconds.

The movement of his hand stilled as she took a deep breath, then sighed. “Once, yeah,” she said and her voice cracked, “the guy I… uh… lost my virginity to would say that sometimes.”

Fucking Leo.

Rust’s jaw clenched involuntarily as he continued caressing her hair, though he’d also pulled her closer without even realising.

“You think Tanner might really be our guy?”

If this was anyone else laying next to him, Rust would have probably ridiculed the randomness of the change of subject. But it was Corrina, and he’d just made her remember Leo without meaning to. So he let her have it.

“Fuckin’ hopefully. It’s been almost five months. It’s only a matter o’ time ‘til the next body shows up.”

Corrina nodded, humming as she traced invisible patterns on Rust’s chest. “I still think we should talk to Georgiana,” she said and Rust took a deep breath, then sighed loudly.

“Landr— Corrina, enough.”

She quieted down, pushing hair off her own face. Rust lit another cigarette as she put out hers.

“Can we sleep together tonight?” she asked finally and Rust stilled. Rubbing his temple, “O’ course,” he said. Too quick. She pressed her cheek firmer against his bare chest, humming some melody as she did so.

Such a sudden change of demeanor, Rust thought. It was as if she’d become someone else after having sex. He wondered if she was like this with all the other guys, too.

Rust continued smoking as he listened to Corrina’s breathing get steadier by the minute, and felt the way she instinctively wrapped her arm tighter around his waist the closer she got to falling asleep.

An hour later, when he was sure Corrina was in deep sleep now, he slowly removed himself from her body and sat up; lifting her head carefully to tuck the pillow underneath.

He lit a cigarette, staring at the empty walls of his apartment, as he thought about everything that had happened in the last few hours. The last few weeks. The last few months.

He felt like a piece of shit. He’d violated her privacy a month ago, yet at this very moment she was sleeping in his bed—peacefully and without a single clue about what he’d done.

Rust looked down when he noticed Corrina was shivering again. He sighed as he got up and took the blanket from the floor, shaking it a few times before gently throwing it over her. The corners of his lips twitched when she hummed unconsciously and clung to the blanket.

Then he felt his face tighten again and looked away, staring at the clothes discarded on the floor long ago.

Rust knew this would happen eventually. The moment he’d given the green light to Corrina about staying with him, he’d already known. He just didn’t know when it was going to happen, and whether he was prepared for it. And right now—even though it was all said and done and there was nothing he could do about it anymore—he had realised that he was, in fact, not ready for this.

Not necessarily because Corrina and he were partners, even though he’d defended himself through that angle earlier tonight. It was because there is something else that he knows will undoubtedly happen.

Corrina will learn about the diary.

Like Presley always says: everything comes out eventually. And she will not be happy about it. Especially after everything that had happened tonight, and everything that will happen later on. Because tonight will not be a one night thing. Rust knew that, too.

Yeah, look at ya knowin’ everything, ya fuckin’ asshole, he thought as he finally put out his cigarette and dropped onto his back, tilting his head to look at Corrina again.

He rolled his eyes and snaked his arm under her slowly, pulling her face into his chest before closing his eyes. He wanted to finally sleep tonight. He felt that he needed to.

—

And much to his surprise, he did. The gleaming sunrise entering his apartment through the curtains was the first thing Rust saw the next time he opened his eyes. Then he saw Corrina, whose face was flushed and body was burning. He pushed the blanket off her and got up slowly, lighting a cigarette as he walked to the kitchen to make some coffee.

He brushed his teeth and took a shower while he waited for the coffee, being greeted with Corrina’s just-awake state when he stepped out of the bathroom. “Mornin’,” he said as he watched her slip back into her panties and bra. “Good morning,” she mumbled groggily as she watched him pour some coffee and bring it to her.

“You on the pill, right?” he asked and his eyes caught the now-bruised fingerprints he’d left on Corrina’s thighs. He gritted his teeth and his eyes trailed up to her face again. “I have an IUD,” she said and took a sip, stretching her neck. Rust nodded, internally sighing in relief.

A frown slowly consumed Corrina’s face as her eyes burned into the bruises on her thighs. “You think what we did last night was… bad?” she mumbled, refusing to make eye contact.

“Bad as in..?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“In that case… yeah. I told ya it would be.”

Corrina finally looked up, her eyes finding Rust’s.

“Do you… regret it?”

It took a lot of time for Rust to answer that.

“No,” he mumbled. Then, after a moment of silence: “You?”

“I never regret sex.”

Rust rolled his eyes, reaching for his pack and pulling the ashtray closer. “What?” Corrina shrieked. “It’s the truth.”

Rust shook his head in disapproval as he lit a cigarette. “It’s a stupid fuckin’ answer, though. Ya coulda just said, ‘No’.” he replied as he gave the pack and lighter to Corrina. She scoffed as she took a cigarette out.

“Whatever, Rust. You always find something to fucking pick at.”

She put the cigarette back into the cigarette and got up, making her way to the bathroom. “Ya wanna eat in or go to the diner?” Rust asked, staring at her back. “I’m not really hungry,” Corrina replied without looking back, closing the door. Rust’s lips pressed into a thin line as he slowly closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

—

Corrina was non-verbal after getting out of the shower, not even looking Rust in the eye as she moved around his apartment and tidied it up.

“Corrina.”

No answer.

“Corrina. Look at me.”

She kept folding their clothes. Rust threw the pack of cigarettes towards her, measuring it carefully so that it would hit her ankle.

“What?” she groaned, finally turning around.

“I’m sorry.”

Corrina stilled, chin twitching before she walked to sit next to him.

“I know that I can be… frustrating, all right? I don’t mean t’be, but I am.”

Corrina’s gaze softened and she smiled weakly, dropping her hand onto Rust’s knee and caressing it.

“At least you know yourself.”

He stared at her for a moment before his eyelids twitched and he looked away. “Ya hungry now?” he asked and she giggled, getting up to grab their coats.

“Are you gonna buy me pancakes to make up for earlier?”

Rust froze, the hand he’d extended to take his coat from Corrina stuck in the air.

“…He took me to a diner and bought me pancakes…”

His eyes widened unconsciously before he realised his state and blinked a few times, looking at Corrina again. She was looking at him with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah. Sure.”

Corrina frowned as Rust finally took his coat and walked to the door. “You good?” she asked softly and Rust nodded. Corrina didn’t push after that, just quietly got into the car with Rust as he started the engine, even though this had happened one too many times at this point for her to believe that answer. She knew he would tell her what was wrong at some point, so she decided to let it go for now.

Corrina watched Rust in silence as he drove with a cigarette between his fingers. And for the first time, he didn’t tell her to stop staring at him.

“Many men have loved the bells. You fastened to the rein. And everyone who wanted you, they found what they will always want again. Your beauty lost to you yourself; just as it was lost to them. Oh, take this longing from my tongue. Whatever useless things these hands have done. Let me see your beauty broken down—like you would do for one you love.”