twentiess â.á she/her âŠâË.âlove&deepspaceâžâË.⧠⥠Ýâ xavierâs enthusiast ⥠Ýâ i sometimes write when iâm in the mood! bg: @abclaret ŕťę°ŕžŕ˝˛ăŁË -・ęąŕžŕ˝˛ŕ§§
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⚠࣪ Ë ęŤÂ á´á á´ââš SYLUS:
⤡ surprise encounter (7k)
⤡ say yes to heaven (13.6k)
*ŕŠâŠâ§âË XAVIER:
⤡ we canât be friends (13k)
⤡ first timeâs a charm (2k)
⤡ thunderstruck (6.2k)
⤡ one call away (3.3k)
đ˛ ŕšŕŁ ŕŁŞ Ë RAFAYEL:
⤡ better than revenge (1.9k)
ŕłŕż âď¸ *:シCALEB:
⤡ gravity hurts (you made it so sweet) (17.3k)
Š kitimeq 2025. please donât copy, repost or translate my works.
ŕŠâŠâ§âËwe canât be friends đ¤ xavier ćĺ ŕŠâŠâ§âË
RE-UPLOAD! The original post didnât show up in the tags, sorry for the confusion :c
pairing ŕŠâŠ: xavier x reader
summary ŕŠâŠ: you and xavier had been best friends for years, nearly inseparable since the moment you met. But after one slightly drunken night, everything shifted: you became friends with benefits. You told yourself you could handle it, but as time went on, your heart began to ache. You had to end it, for your own sake. You were in love with him, but you couldn't shake the painful truth: you believed heâd never feel the same. Still, what if, all this time, while you were trying to push him away, he was quietly hoping to show you how perfect you two were together?
word count ŕŠâŠ: 12k. omg. itâs LONG, long. grab some snacks and let me entertain you for a while!!
tropes ŕŠâŠ: 18+, smut, best friends with benefits, miscommunication, unrequited love, not really tho, angst, angst with happy ending, plot with porn, love confessions, needy xavier, obsessed xavier, domestic xavier, i suck at giving tropes i swear i will get better someday, desperate xavier, everything is consensual, the consumption of alcohol mentioned, pet names, xavier was once in love with mc but the myths are not canon in this one!!
authorâs note ŕŠâŠ: GUYS this oneâs IT. This idea was blooming slowly in my mind for quite some time. I really hope youâll like it 𼚠also, please be gentle with me, iâm not a native speaker of english and Iâm definitely not a writer. I like to think that everything i create is just fueled by my passionate delulu. please let me know if you liked it and if maybe youâd like to read part 2!! ⥠enjoy your reading!!
!!do NOT read if youâre not 18+!!
ŕŠâŠâ§âËÂ
It all started with the simplest of touches.
Your hands grazed, as if by accident. Then your eyes met. He grabbed you by your forearm, or maybe you grabbed him, everything was so blurry in your mind. A touch on a waist, a hand on a chest, and a sudden clash of your lips. You saw fireworks exploding in your mind, sending pleasant thrumming throughout your whole body.
Desperate touches. Rapid breaths. A whisper, maybe two. He said something. What did he say? The sound of your heart was the only thing you could hear.
Your dress came off. You felt lips. Lips marking every part of your body, leaving behind wet paths that made the exposed skin shiver due to the coolness of the air. He went down. Down. Down, and looked at you expectantly. Your head never nodded that quickly and it probably never will again. You saw stars. Millions and millions of them, shimmering under your closed eyelids. He grabbed your hand and put it into his hair. You caressed it gently, savoring the softness of it.
Then, you saw his eyes. Beautiful, deep blues that looked far too innocent for what he did and what he was about to do with you next. He kissed you again and again, and again, and he held you close throughout the whole night, making you shiver, moan, cry, beg â until you fell asleep from exhaustion right in the safety of his arms. He turned your world upside down.
And then came the next morning, when you began to question the entire ordeal. You panicked, thinking about your friendship that you valued the most and Xavier, whom you just couldnât bear to lose. However, when you wanted to put it past you, to blame the alcohol consumed that night, act as if it was just a slip of your judgment, a mistake, a reaction caused by the need of intimacy after being single for a long time, he wasnât having it. He said that he couldnât forget about it, that it changed things, and you blurted out the first thing that came into your mind. You proposed the whole arrangement.
And thatâs how, after several months, your relationship with Xavier stayed clear and technically uncomplicated. Friends with benefits. You thought that even if that night did change things, then in this way you could act as if it wasnât a big deal to you. In this way, you wouldnât have to lose him, wouldnât make things awkward. You still acted normally in front of each other, you continued to spend time in almost the same way you were before that faithful night, but with one drastic change.
Almost every encounter since that night ended with you in his bed or the other way around. Hours and hours spent in each otherâs embrace, touching and feeling too much, all at once.
And said feelings were what made you finally decide that you couldnât do this anymore. You couldnât continue sharing with him this intimacy, pretending that everything between you remained unchanged. You couldnât do this anymore, knowing that it was all that youâll ever get from him, despite being in love with him for so long.
You knew that he would never reciprocate your feelings. You knew that from the beginning, from the very first touch of your fingertips that night, but you foolishly thought that having him close for as long as he wanted you, would be enough for you. Even if he wanted you only for your body, because you were the easiest choice.
However, your heart was breaking every time you were reminded of one significant fact, a harsh reality that felt like a bucket of cold water in your face.
He will never love you. Because you were not her.
And you will never be.
*ŕŠâŠâ§âË
You already had a strategy to end the arrangement. You wanted to take it slow, step by step, with just a bit of pain on your side. You knew it wasn't your best plan, but it was a plan nonetheless. You wanted to end the friends-with-benefits arrangement in a way that would make you both slowly, almost naturally, drift apartâso subtly that he wouldn't even notice the change. As for you, you were ready to bear the painful consequences of your actions, if it saved you from the excruciating pain of a broken heart later.
You started with avoiding his kisses.
And it turned out to be a tough job to do, because you didnât realize before how much of a kisser Xavier became during your friends-with-benefits situation. It never really bothered you before, you always accepted every single kiss with content. However, during your last meeting, you were trying so hard to avoid his lips, and noticed that he made it into an almost impossible task.
When you went out one night, he wanted to kiss you three times during hot pot, even though you were sitting across from each other. You thought that the sitting situation was enough of an obstacle, but you quickly learned that he always somehow managed to find a chance to try to steal a kiss. That not only bewildered you, but also made you blush so hard that you had to blame the spicy food for it to not look suspicious. Yet, you managed to stay your ground and ignored his needy attempts at capturing your lips.
You also avoided his lips while you were later watching a movie in his apartment, by pretending that you didnât see or feel his constant gaze on you. You thought that maybe if he saw that the movie engaged you so much, he would finally drop the attempts. Unfortunately, your plan failed the moment his patience thinned, when he started kissing your neck while cradling your body to his. He was grabbing at you almost desperately and you really couldnât escape from every single kiss he was giving you, no matter how much you tried to. And you really tried to.
âWhyâwhy are you turning your face away? A-Ah⌠Let me look at y-youâmmm.â He said between his moans, and he never once stopped thrusting inside you. It was the day when he took you on a sofa between his soft, plushy pillows with the movie still playing in the background. Your legs were laying on his shoulder, his both hands holding onto them tightly while his hips thrust deep inside you, making you gasp in pleasure. When you didnât respond and kept your head away, hoping that he would finally stop with his relentless kisses, his hand gently grabbed your face and turned it towards his so that your eyes met. He smiled softly, his cheeks pink and face damp. âYes, there you are. You feel good? You wanna break?â He almost slurred and you adored how quickly he was loosing himself with you, how much he was losing his composure. When you squeezed your eyes, moaning at a harder thrust and shook your head no, he whimpered. Next thing you knew, he lowered your legs onto the sofa and lay between them, bringing his body closer to yours. Your chests touched and you could feel his rapid heartbeat, mirroring the rhythm of your own. He nudged your head, which was still turned to the side, with his nose.
âGive me a kiss, câmon, starlight.â He kissed your cheek, slowing down his thrusts to a lazy, delicate ones. âI couldnât get a kiss all day, I need it. Let me.â And when you saw his eyes, full of desperation and something that reminded you of adoration, you couldnât keep denying him. Your lips touched his and he didnât let go of them until you came, and later when he began growling straight into your mouth, chasing his own undoing.
It was the last time you met up, and after that you decided that you had to cut it off completely. You couldnât continue being with him like this, not when you knew that he already loved someone else. Being with him this close messed with your head. You didnât want to feel like a convenient second choice and you couldnât help but feel that your meetings were slowly becoming more and more intimate. You had to constantly remind yourself that you werenât together. You made sure to label the change in your relationship properly at the start of the arrangement â still on friendly terms, with occasional mutual pleasure. But the close proximity and constant intimacy started to make the lines blurry in your mind.
And your heart couldnât take it anymore, it hurt every time you reminded yourself that he didnât reciprocate your feelings, and that he never will.
After that movie night you decided that the next step to your goal would be to stop engaging in small talk with him, especially the one that occurred at work.
You worked together at the Hunterâs Association, he was one of the best Hunters out there, and you specialized in weapon modification from the safety of your own desk. You wanted to be a hunter once, but with your Evol involving micromodification you guessed that you could be needed in a position that involved working with weaponry. After working there for years, you were passionate about your work and elated to have a job you loved and where you thrived while helping others to the best of your abilities.
Thus, because of the shared place of employment, you saw Xavier almost every day. He was often near your desk, passing by it, putting snacks before you or teasing you with that soft smile of his. So, cutting the contact out there was one of the toughest jobs for you, but it had to be done.
When you knew that he would be free, you found a task that needed completion in other departments, so that you will not cross paths. Often, instead of others coming to you to fix their weapons, you proposed to make the trip instead. In this way you were always quick on your feet, going from department to department, back to the workshop and again to the othersâ desks. You didnât mind the extra activity, it made you think less about your breaking heart.
And when Xavier managed to catch you from time to time, because he always somehow would, you were trying to appear too busy even for a small conversation.
âWhere are you rushing off to again? I didnât manage to talk to you these past few days.â He said one day when he caught you by your elbow while you were going out of the bathroom. He mustâve seen you go in there and wait for you to come out. He brought you a little closer to himself and looked at your face so intently, that you got scared he could see right through you.
âSorry Xai, Iâm just really busy lately.â You answered, maybe too quickly, and were trying to calm your beating heart upon seeing him so close again. Too close. It didnât help that he was in his hunterâs uniform, that made him look twice as dreamy. You were so close that you could also smell his comforting scent and see the small scar on his cheek that he got last year after you two tried ice skating for the first time.
The first and the last, for it appeared that you were much better at it than he would ever be, and you wanted to avoid him getting hurt again. It was also before your friends-with-benefits situation, when your friendship was pure and healthy. Your heart squeezed remembering how he grabbed your hand then, and how tightly he used to hold it throughout the whole activity.
âXavier, are you sure you donât want to go back home already? Iâm afraid that your cut will scar if we leave it like that.â You said, looking at the band aid on his cheek, the only remedy for his small injury that you could provide at that time.
He squeezed your hand and still appeared sheepish after his fall. You secretly found him adorable, you never saw him doing something in which he didnât excel in. It was as if he let you see a part of himself that no one had ever seen before. That thought made your chest warmer.
âNo. I wonât let the ice defeat me.â He said surely and you knew that he wonât give up, even if his legs already visibly trembled from exhaustion. You let out a sigh. âBesides, youâre holding my hand now, so I feel much safer.â He looked at you, his voice soft and cheeks red, most likely from the cold air. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state made you completely overcome by the feeling of tenderness, and you send him a huge smile, thinking that it was the first time he relied on your protection, and not the other way around.
Little did you know that this smile would catch him by surprise so much that he slipped backwards, this time pulling you down with him. However, your reflexes slightly worked, because you managed to put your hand behind his head, shielding it from the impact with ice. You landed on him with a groan as his hands moved to pull your body closer.
âOh god, Xai, are you okay? How did that happen?â You asked him, trying to lift yourself off of him. You felt him relax his head further into your hand, and when you raised yourself enough to face him directly, he sent you a wide smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners. This sight made your heart melt.
âSee, I knew you would protect me.â He replied, clearly referring to your hand behind his head. âMy little savior.â He called you, and when you puffed the air out, annoyed that he could have hurt himself for real this time, his smile turned into a full laugh, his body shaking under yours. He looked so angelic, covered in snow, laughing in a way that was so scarce that you couldnât help but join him in his moment of happiness.
And thanks to your mittens, your hand was left with only a purple bruise from the impact. Still, Xavier couldnât let you forget about it up to the day it disappeared completely, expressing guilt for the minor injury, his sight chasing your hand every time it appeared in his line of vision. He often caressed it softly with his fingers, looking at it with a mysteriously thoughtful expression, whispering âMy little savior.â under his breath. It made you wish that the bruise would never disappear.
You took a step back, suddenly overwhelmed by the memories and the closeness between you. He always invaded your personal space, stood so close that you could almost feel his breath on your face. This time, you had had to cut it out for your own good.
âSâokay. Youâre always busy but I guess I just got used to meeting you near your desk. Just text me after work? Maybe we could meet up for our book club today.â He said and you swallowed the awful feeling of longing in your chest. Book club was the term you came up with when you both just wanted to sit and read together for hours. Unfortunately, you knew how book club sessions looked like since the beginning of your friends-with-benefits arrangement.
You were sitting together in silence, reading for hours, then talked about your books until you both lost your breaths. A wonderful experience, you adored your little reading sessions, but you knew that recently they always ended with his lips on yours, and with your clothes scattered around his bedroom.
You couldnât let this go on forever. You couldnât go back to being just friends now, and you couldnât keep him so close, knowing that he will never fully be yours. You pitied your poor heart.
âSure, will do. See you around!â You were aware how awkward you sounded, but before he could stop you, you were already off to another task of the day.
You didnât text him after work, and neither did you reply to his message in time. The next day you send him an excuse that you were tired and fell asleep quickly, and you hoped that he believed it or didnât care enough to question you further.
If the distance hurt you this bad now, you couldnât even imagine how would it feel when he eventually wouldâve left you for her.
ŕŠâŠâ§âË
The next stage of your plan involved not answering his texts at all. You allowed yourself small replies from time to time, most often very brief, if the situation called for it. Replying excuses from left to right. Then, you incorporated not picking up his calls, especially on weekends, when he appeared to want to see you the most, because you were absent from the Association building and he couldnât catch even a glimpse of you.
The distance you yourself put between you broke your heart, and you were getting more and more depressed by the day. Ignoring the person you loved wasnât easy, when he was the one with whom you wanted to spend your time the most.
To distract yourself from the situation, you were trying to pass your time differently. You were meeting up with your family and friends, or you started doing things that you were putting off for ages. Everything and anything to fill the void in your heart caused by the absence of the one you loved. The absence forced by you.
It had to be done, you reminded yourself daily. You had to end this somehow, no matter how it hurt you. You had to move on. You couldnât still be in love with him the day he would end up with MC. You knew it would ruin you.
Three weeks passed since your last meeting at the Association and you could feel that Xavier was getting impatient. His calls were more frequent. His messages longer. Sometimes while running away from him at work, you could catch how he was scanning the room in search of you. How frustrated he seemed to be. How upset.
You understood it. You were best friends after all, and he also probably needed someone near him to help him get his head clear of MC. You knew that it mustâve been hard for him. But you were sure you were doing the right thing, thatâs why you kept avoiding him during the past month, and not only it was the longest period youâve been away from each other since the start of your complicated arrangement, but also the longest time since the start of your friendship. Even when the times were rough, you managed to see each other at least once or twice a week.
You felt the pain of the distance too. Missing him almost every second of the day. But you had your reasons. You didnât want to try to satiate the hunger he felt for another woman anymore.
So every time his name appeared on your phone screen, along with the picture of him shoving two muffins into his mouth at the same time, you closed your eyes, took a deep breath, and waited out the signal, simultaneously praying for and dreading the silence.
ŕŠâŠâ§âË
On a quiet rainy day, after a month of ignoring almost every attempt to make contact from Xavier, you heard your phone ping thrice. You sighed and put the book you were reading down, deciding that it was a good moment to reply something short to him in order to slightly ease his worries, and make him feel less alarmed. You wanted distance, but you still sticked to responding from time to time, to appear casual. To let the connection break off less abruptly.
xavier: why cant I see U at all recently.
xavier: why are U not picking up my calls and not replying to my texts.
xavier: are U hiding from me?
you: Of course not, just busy.
xavier: busy for me but not busy for others I know U are going out all the time.
xavier: are U mad at me? did I do something wrong.
you: No, you didnât, donât worry. Itâs just me. I have a lot of things on my mind recently.
xavier: could U please have me on Ur mind too? I miss U.
xavier: so bad it hurts
You let out a rugged breath, and decided to stop responding, but then another text came. This time, making your blood run cold.
xavier: going back from a rough mission right now i think i need help.
you: Oh my god, are you okay? Are you injured?
xavier: cant tell U why dont you come and see me for Urself.
you: Fine, I need to see if youâre okay. Do you need anything? Food? Medicine? I will pick something up on my way there.
xavier: i just need U
You closed your eyes and hid your face in your palms, then swore it would be the last time. You will go in, treat his wounds and go out. It had to be the last time you allowed yourself to be this close to him, and then you had to cut him off completely. A month wasnât enough to heal your broken heart, and these small sightings wonât make your heart feel any less burdened.
It had to end today.
ŕŠâŠâ§âË
When the door opened, he managed to take your breath away once more.
First, only figuratively. His beauty always managed to amaze you. He looked so handsome no matter the circumstances, his hair so fluffy and shiny, his face like that of an angel, with sharp jawline and soft, pink lips almost screaming at you to be kissed. When you met his eyes, you almost gasped at the intensity of his deep blue gaze. There wasnât a thing about him you didnât miss terribly after so much time apart.
Then, literally, when the first thing he did was grabbing your hand and hugging you tightly to his chest, that was still clothed in his hunter uniform. He pressed his face into the crown of your hair and touched the nape of your neck, holding it gently with his cold hand.
âWas the mission that difficult?â You asked, thinking that his reaction to you was mostly due to his need for someone elseâs closeness. The need for security. âWere you in danger?â You asked quietly, fear bubbling in your mind.
âNo. I lied.â He murmured and you felt him squeezing you even harder, inhaling your scent with content. His hand started stroking your back, slowly making its way under your thin coat. âDidnât know what else to say to make you come see me.â He said and you hoped that he couldnât hear, nor feel the sound of your erratic heartbeat.
He shouldnât say things like these, it made you feel too hopeful. You tried to push that feeling down, knowing thatâs how he normally acted with you, his best friend. You knew that he didnât have a lot of people beside him, thus he treasured the ones that stayed. And that thought made you so incredibly apologetic that you had to swallow the tension in your throat. You hated that you fell for him so hard. You hated that you had to leave him because of it. You hated that you knew, that he would blame himself when youâll leave.
And you started to hate yourself the most because of all of it.
âDid you miss me that much?â You teased, trying to calm yourself with a friendly banter.
âYes.â The answer was immediate. The kiss he placed on your temple as natural as breathing. âEverything and everyone seems to be taking you away from me these days.â He said and you could hear him sulking. Your heart squeezed again, but you knew that you were doing the right thing. The distance was necessary.
Necessary for you to avoid breaking. You had to protect yourself first, you decided. You couldnât remain in love with him forever. You had to move on and in order to do that you had to keep the distance. Which was impossible with him around, when he craved physical touch so badly.
You started to be so mad at yourself for breaking your streak today. You didnât realize how touchy he will be after some time apart and it was getting to your head. You were so conflicted. You felt too much, and that was always the case when you were around him.
He was in love with someone else. Your head was screaming loudly, trying to calm the wave of unwanted emotions.
âIâm sorry.â You whispered. I love you, you thought. âBut now Iâm here, so maybe I can inspect you for any injuries? You always seem to neglect them as long as they donât make you bleed out.â You managed to free yourself from his hold and missed how his hands went after you for a second. He didnât want you to put distance between you two. Not yet, not ever.
He looked into your beautiful, shiny eyes and nodded without a thought. He couldnât say no to you, not when he saw the still remaining hint of worry in them. Besides, checking for injuries always came with physical contact, and he was so starved. He needed to feel your body close to his. Your hands on him, somewhere, anywhere, everywhere. He felt addicted and craved some kind of relief. He looked after you like a lost puppy, following your footsteps closely, touching the familiar material of your coat that you left on a counter. The distance this past month made him feral, every part of his body screamed to hold you and donât let go.
You sat down on his couch, and patted the place next to you, hinting at him to sit beside you. He was trying not to appear too eager while doing so, and also when he started taking off the upper part of his uniform. He was almost shaking with excitement knowing that you really came to see him. That you were worried about him. The distance was making him sick. Furious. Desperate. Hurt.
He suppressed a shudder when you touched his shoulder and peeled away the material off his back completely. Your hands were pleasantly warm, as always. He bit his lip trying not to gasp from the contact.
He needed more.
âXavier.â He hummed, giddy inside upon finally hearing his name from your lips. He was bracing for your outburst. Couldnât wait for it. âYou said you lied about the mission being hard, while having a fucking gash on your back? I-I canât believe you...â He heard your angry, shaky voice and smirked unintentionally. You were worried about him and he liked that. He liked the attention, when it was coming from you.
Yet, you didnât know that.
You cursed under your breath and went to grab the first aid kit from one of his drawers, and proceeded to patch the man back up, having no idea that he allowed the Wanderer to injure him, to have an excuse to see you. To keep you with him for a minute longer, even if it was only under the pretense of tending to his injuries. He was ready to do anything at this point to keep you from slipping away from his grasp.
If you knew that, you wouldnât be so adamant on distancing yourself.
But because you didnât know, you also didnât predict that after patching him up, he would propose you to eat dinner with him, making up an excuse that he didnât want to be alone with his pain. Later, when you wanted to come back to your place, he mentioned he wanted to play kitty cards, the game you adored. You couldnât refuse him.
During the next hours you spent at his place you both talked in the same way you always used to - about everything and anything, exchanging opinions, stories and everyday thoughts. You laughed together for the first time in weeks, and your cheeks hurt from how much he was able to make you smile. You always had so much fun with him; he was your favorite person in the whole world. You missed him so bad, despite knowing that you couldnât back out from your plan fully. Yet, you allowed yourself a little break, telling yourself that it was in order for your distancing to not look suspicious. In addition, he was injured, and you felt the need to comfort him in any way you could. The gash on his back wasnât that deep, but it worried you regardless.
The atmosphere changed drastically only when he managed to win the next round of kitty cards. You jokingly frowned at him, forging displeasure, and he looked directly at your pouting lips. The time seemed to stop when you noticed that look. He raised his hand to touch your collarbone, caressing it with his fingers, up to your neck and over your cheek. He looked deeply into your eyes, and you noticed how dark his became. You found it fascinating that his soft gaze could change so drastically in a matter of seconds.
His hand reached out to grab your chin and brought your face closer to his. And when he whispered: âCould I ask for a reward?â with that dangerous, needy voice of his, you knew that you couldnât deny him anything.
When your lips touched, you decided that it will be the last time you let it happen. It would be your goodbye, before losing the feel of his touch. You thought that you could at least make the best of it, get lost in the artificial feeling of being treasured for the last time, before you started the last phase of your plan.
After that, you had to cut off the ties with him completely. No matter the measures. No matter the pain.
ŕŠâŠâ§âË
âXavier, m-maybe not today?â You asked when you realized how low he was going with his kisses. You knew what he was about to do, and you hated how much you couldnât contain the sounds that were coming out of your mouth when he was doing it. Besides, it didnât feel like a mutual pleasure anymore, it felt like an act of service and you were not sure you wanted him to pleasure only you.
He looked at you, having already dropped to his knees. He looked ruined, his hair already a mess from the touch of your fingers, lips wet and swollen, shirt off displaying his toned chest, bandaged in the center with caution. He was practically heaving. The sight made you blush.
âWhy not?â His voice sounded whiny, his lips already kissing the inside of your thigh as if he couldnât restrain himself. Every kiss sent electricity to your already wet core and you found it hard to think clearly. His hands were grabbing your tights possessively, relishing in their softness. âPlease, let me eat you out. Iâll make you feel good, I promise.â The pleading in his eyes was so apparent. So unfiltered.
âDonât you want to get to the point already?â You offered shyly and he huffed out a laugh.
âWhere are you trying to run off to this time?â It sounded like a joke, but he appeared annoyed. âRelax, starlight and let me take care of you. Please.â You still hesitated. It made him pout. âI need it, please, star. I want to taste you so bad. I didnât manage to last time.â He kissed your knee and put his head on it, looking for the answer in your unsure eyes. âWill you let me?â His pleading tone, along with his desperate gaze was what made you break. You whispered a soft confirmation and it was all it took before he quickly put his mouth on your core, licking vigorously, devouring you like the most delicious thing on the planet.
âMmmm.â You heard him humming, before your own cries, along with the constant tremble of your legs, drowned out any other sound.
He was elated.
ŕŠâŠâ§âË
âMmmhâ Yes. Yes. Hâholyââ He whimpered at the same time with his thrusts and squeezed your waist harder, moving his hands up and down your back, caressing it affectionately. âYou are s-so warm, so beautiful, fuckââ He moaned when you tightened on him. You stiffed a whimper and tried to commit to memory the touch of his strong hands.
He was taking you slowly from behind and the pace was almost unbearable for you. You needed more, and you couldnât stand how romantic it felt when he was this gentle with you. However, at the same time you didnât want him to strain himself, you were aware that the slow pace was reasonable due to the injury on his back. The slow pace did surprise you either way, you thought that after so much time apart he would be quick and rough, chasing his pleasure faster than he normally would. Instead, he acted even more passionately than usual.
The slow pace brought you so much pleasure that you couldnât contain the sounds escaping from your lips. He kept pressing your most sensitive spots, his thrusts slow, deep and precise. His forehead rest on the back of your shoulder, and you could feel his hot, labored breath pressing against your damp skin.
He made you feel so appreciated, and so cared for, and that made you uneasy. More so, with the accompaniment of the things he was constantly saying to you, from the moment you allowed him to touch you today.
âCan you turn around now? Please, my star, I want to see you.â He half-whispered and started kissing your neck, then moving his mouth to every patch of your skin he could reach: your shoulders, back, arms. No place was left unkissed under his relentless lips. You shook your head no; you didnât want to let this become even more passionate than it already was. You positioned yourself facing the headboard of the bed from the very beginning, and you were adamant to keep your stance up until the end. You feared that your eyes would betray you, displaying your feelings for him and that was what made you not lose your composure.
Upon hearing your refusal for the third time this night, he proceeded to voice his frustrations by grunting, and thrust into you a little harder. You moaned loudly, surprised at the sudden change of tempo.
âPlease, starlight.â He begged; his voice achingly earnest. He picked up the pace and you almost choked with how deep he reached inside of you now. You thought that you could never get used to how big he was, his girth filling you up to the brim. âTurn around. T-turn around for me.â
âX-xavier slow down, I donât want you to get hurtââ You managed to choke out, grasping sheets with your hands for some kind of stability. You closed your eyes when they were turning upwards, biting your lip in the process. He felt otherworldly, but you couldnât help but think about the gash on his back. He shouldnât strain himself.
âThen turn around and look at me.â He repeated and you shook your head again.
âI-I canât, IâAhââ
âW-why do you keepâMmhâdenying me?â His voice came out like a growl and he kept up the fast tempo. Then, he grabbed your shoulder and put his other hand on your lower back, making you bend over more. His thrusts got even faster, making you moan louder. âLike that. Yes.â You breathed quietly. So good. He was so, so good. âI just want to see your face. I need to kiss yâAâAhâKiss you so bad, so, so, so bad.â He thrust more deeply, making you involuntarily back out from the stimulation, your body almost collapsing, but he quickly grabbed you with his strong arms, and brought you even closer to him. You saw stars and touched one of the arms that held your whole body â from your waist, between your breasts, to your neck. His arm was so hard, so strong. He was huge compared to you. âNo, n-no, donât run away, star. You feel so goodâG-God how I missed thisââ He held you closer by the second, pressing more kisses to your shoulders, his thrusts becoming quicker, less deep. You were holding back your tears from how good he felt inside you. âI missed you. I missed you. I miss you.â He started babbling and thatâs how you knew he was close.
To your surprise, he suddenly pulled out of you completely and grabbed you by your shoulders, turning you around to finally face him. Before you could show any signs of protest, he lowered himself onto his forearms, caging your head between his biceps so that he could have a perfect view of your face. He took his cock in one of his hands and he slipped himself into you again with ease. You shuddered and cried out softly with astonishment.
âXavierâ!â
âYes. Yes, thatâs my name.â He started thrusting into you again, this time much slower and more attentive, and looked deep into your eyes. You had nowhere to run, the only thing you could do was to close your eyes, but the sight of him so close made you want to never look away. âSay it one more time. Just once.â He looked ethereal, his silver hair wet from the perspiration that gathered on his forehead, and his cheeks painted a pretty shade of red. You could see how blissful he felt. âSo p-pretty.â He finally kissed your lips softly. âSo sweet.â He licked into your mouth, deepening the kiss. It made your toes curl, you loved when he kissed you this sloppily. When he released your already swollen lips, there was a string of saliva connecting you. It was all so intense.
âWhy were you denying my kisses?â He kissed you again deeply, sucking on your tongue. His slow thrusts made you go insane. âYou donât like kissing me like this?â He sucked on your lips until they were red and swollen. There was so much saliva. He licked them and kissed them again. âI could come from this feeling alone. So soft.â You were shocked at how much he talked. Was he always this talkative? Or were you realizing it only now, when you knew that the closeness with him would soon come to an end?
âAm I making you feel good? Yeah?â You decided to nod at him truthfully, your moans short, resembling small hiccups. You were lost in the pleasure; you could feel the end approaching. He put his forehead against yours, breathing heavily. âWâwow, youâyou sound so adorable, I wonât last longââ He moaned and grabbed your face in his hands, kissing your nose first, then softly your lips.
âYes, yeah, let go. Let go my little star. My starlight, my treasure.â He whispered into your ear, feeling you clench down on him as you came with his name on your lips. You felt him reaching the end quickly after you, he shuddered, his mouth opened, and he released into the condom with a low moan. Still cumming, he took your face into his hands and kissed your forehead gently. When you both were still coming down from the high, breathing heavily, he began stroking your hair, pushing it out of your face, and kissing your cheeks.
What in the world was all that?
God, you couldnât do this anymore. You couldnât let this keep up, it felt too real, too romantic, and your heart really couldnât take it. Not when every time you were together like this you keep thinking that he would like you to be someone else instead. Did he imagine her under him this time? You trembled, scared because of that thought, but the things he was saying made you feel that it really could be the case.
Your breath came out shakily and you took his muscular forearms in your palms and grazed them gently with your thumbs. You let yourself feel for the last time how warm his body was, how pleasurable his weight on top of you. You kept your eyes closed to not let him see your tears, but you couldnât stop one from going down your cheek.
And of course, he saw it as soon as it appeared. He seemed to always look at you when you wanted him to ignore you the most.
He kissed it off, swiped the wetness with his thumb and proceeded to kiss your temple.
âWhy are you crying?â He asked softly, his eyebrows furrowed. âDid I hurt you?â He appeared so concerned, and you felt the shivers going down your spine.
Yes, you wanted to scream.
âNo, of course not.â You said instead. Because it was your fault for feeling too much. âIâm okay, just tired.â You lied straight to his face. He sent you a small smile and kissed your closed eyelids gently.
And when he shifted and pulled out from you slowly with a little hiss, you let out a sigh and knew that your time with him had to end now.
But before you could lift yourself up, he hugged you from the side and put his head on your chest. He was listening to the sound of your heartbeat, and you already knew that it had a soothing effect on him. His hand started caressing one side of your waist, his hair touching your chin, his scent overlapping you. You could feel his heartbeat on you, fast but steady. Another tear escaped from your eyes. You had to run away. You couldnât take the closeness anymore. It was too painful.
âXavier, Iââ You swallowed the sob forming in your throat. Your voice came out rusty. âI really need to go.â
âAlready? Stay with me for a little while longer.â He squeezed you harder to himself, showing no intention of releasing you from his hold. You hated that you needed to cut short such a vulnerable moment with him. âThe night is still young. I thought we could maybe watch something together? Or bake these cinnamon cookies you like? I practiced, they taste and look almost perfect now.â You closed your eyes hard, moved by his thoughtfulness, and you almost sobbed audibly if it wasnât for your hand quickly covering your mouth.
But he felt it, and it made all the muscles in his body tighten, as if he was struck.
âStar?â He loosened his hold on you and quickly studied your face. âWhatâs wrong?â His eyes became huge, filled with worry. And that concern on his features was what finally made you run.
You raised gently and pushed yourself from him, starting to pick up your scattered pieces of clothing. Your hands shakily put the panties and your sweater on your trembling body, not once looking Xavierâs way. He was waiting patiently for your answer.
âI canât do this anymore, Xavier.â You replied, feeling more comfortable now that you had some clothes on. You couldnât meet his eyes, but you heard him standing up from the bed.
âDo what?â He sounded puzzled. You heard him grabbing and putting on some pants hastily, clicking his belt in place. As if he was preparing to run after you. âDid I do something wrong? You didnât like it today? Was I too intense?â You had never heard him speak so quickly, and the panic in his tone was a rare occurrence too.
âNo, itâsâ I am at fault here.â You answered truthfully, and you took a couple steps away from him. You wanted to run as fast as you could but for the love of God, you couldnât locate any other pieces of your clothing. Your eyesight was clouded by unleashed tears. No, not now, you couldnât let them fall until you were in the safety of your home.
âBut you were perfect.â His voice carried more panic by the second. âWe could change some things. You could tell me what to do differently, everything works with me as long as I do it with you.â
You suddenly remembered the beginning of your night, and rushed to his living room, were you finally found your pants.
âNo. No, and please stop trying to persuade me. Thisâthis friends with benefits thing, it ends now.â You uttered surely, now fully clothed. You turned around and finally laid your eyes on him, and saw him wearing only black jeans and a miserable expression on his face. God, he still looked perfect. He almost shined, the workout clearly visible on his face, his hair, his lips. Your resolution almost wavered.
âOkay. Okay, of course, IâI understand.â He answered quickly, and you felt a slight pang in your chest at how easily he took the news. This whole time you were so easily disposable. âBut please stay. I want to spend some time with you, I havenât seen you in such a long time.â He took a careful step towards you, and you wanted to bolt then and there. âPlease, stay.â
âNo, Xai, Iââ You paused to take a breath, trying not to crumble in front of him. His worried expression felt like a knife to your chest. You were his best friend, yet here you were, clearly wanting to run away from himâhow could you expect him to feel anything but hurt upon such a sight? You felt incredibly cruel. âI really canât. I think I need a break from allâall of this.â
âYou mean from me?â He didnât wait for your answer, the thoughts in his head seemed to go quicker than lightning. âNo, please, I swear that if you donât like it then I wonât touch you anymore. I swear.â You hated how upset he sounded. You closed your eyes for a second and fresh tears slipped away. You couldnât keep them from falling anymore. âYou know how much you mean to me. Donât make me stay away.â He looked as if you were tearing his heart out, his posture slumped, hands shaking. How you wished you could take them into your own and warm them up.
âI have to.â Your voice came out whiny. He stepped closer to you, keeping his arms in front of himself.
âBut why?â His question was quiet, nearly a whisper. He couldnât help but wonder, if you really wanted a break from him, then why were you crying as if you didnât want to go?
âIââ You stopped yourself before going as far as to utter a confession. He couldnât know. Not now. Not ever. âThisâ This situation, and how our friendship looks like right now itâsâitâs so wrong.â You opted for a response that was the closest to the truth.
âItâs not.â He replied immediately. âNot for me.â
âWell it is for me. Friends donât sleep with each other, Xavier! We messed up so bad this time and Iâm afraid we canât let this past us.â
âDo you regret it that much?â His voice was losing itsâ strength, and he seemed so utterly hurt. Meanwhile, you were just trying to protect yourself from feeling even more pain. How could you make him understand without confessing to him? You didnât really know because you were always honest with him before. He was your safe place.
And to think that everything could be avoided, your friendship left unscratched if only you could control your feelings better. But you had no idea how to stop loving him so deeply, when he was everything that youâve ever dreamed of.
âI should. I know that I should, it was never going to end well, Iââ
âStay. Please, starlight, stay. At least for one more night, let me hold you just for one moreââ His arms went out to grab you and you flinched, taking a few steps back. His jaw tightened.
He was always afraid that he will see you run away from his touch. He felt as if his nightmare became reality - the thought of losing you too much for him to bear.
âXavier, I canât!â You trembled all over. Why did he make this so hard for you? âI canât do this with you anymore, canât you understand how much it hurts me?â The truth was at the tip of your tongue, craving to be spoken out loud.
âWhy? Why does it hurt you? The only one who has a good reason to be hurt is me, you avoided me, ignored me, and for what? If you just talked to me honestly one timeââ
âYou are in love with someone else!â
The silence that followed was unbearable and seemed to last ages. Slow ticking of the clock was the only thing cutting through the tension, reminding you that the time didnât stop, even if your heart seemed to do so.
You turned to him, the tears falling from your eyes in cascades now and your chest was coming up and down rapidly with how fast you were breathing.
The tears run down your cheeks quickly, making your vision less blurry. How you wished that they stayed in place, if that meant that you wouldnât have to see Xavierâs pained expression, that quickly changed into one of utter confusion. You were shaking with how much you were feeling, your frustration pooling out of you in a form of shaking hands and bitten lips.
âI canât continue being like this with you when I know that youâre in love with her! And I get it! I really do. Sheâs so wonderful, and so, so lovable. And I could never be her, no matter how much you would want me to be. I just donât want to be a replacement anymore.â You continued, the desperation in your voice almost making you wince. You sounded pathetic and felt so embarrassed for it. You felt as if you were losing the ground beneath your feet.
âWhat?â He said completely stunned. He wasnât moving a single muscle. âWhat on earth are you talking about?â He hissed, and took a step towards you, and when you shook your head and wanted to bolt through the door, he quickly grabbed you by your wrist and pressed your body close to his. You gasped at the contact, so sudden and forced. âNo, stop running away from me!â He raised his voice, still holding your wrist tightly. Youâve never heard him sound so irritated. âSpeak.â You kept your head low, when he was desperately trying to catch eye contact, but you couldnât look at him right now. Not when your true feelings were basically flowing to the surface.
âAbout what? You really thought I didnât know about your feelings for her?â You struggled to keep your voice from shaking. âXavier, I know, and I knew from the very beginning, and you really donât have to explain yourself to me. I really understand.â You tried to free your wrist from his grasp, but he held it too tightly. You needed to run, this conversation wasnât supposed to happen, you didnât even have a reason to be mad at him. You couldnât blame him for not loving you romantically, nor for feeling this way towards someone else. You were only friends, and friends should be happy for each other when they find someone dear to them, not sick of the idea of losing the other to someone else.
âIâm afraid you actually donât understand anything.â He sounded almost defeated. His voice back to its soft tone, but his hold on you unrelenting.
âItâs really okay, Iââ
âNo.â He scoffed. You finally gained enough courage to let your eyes meet his and you were instantly appalled at how furious he appeared to be. âItâs truly NOT.â He released your wrist and put his hands up to stroke his hair back. He breathed out loudly. âWho the fuck are you talking about?â He asked, confusion and irritation taking over his features completely. You never saw him wear that expression while talking with you.
âOh, donât make meââ You cut off, seeing his furious glare. You took a deep breath, stepped back from him and touched your cheek, trying to swipe the wetness caused by your tears. You failed, they were still coming down, one by one, making your efforts futile. âMC. You know that I mean MC.â
âYou have to be fucking kidding me.â He groaned and let his head fall back. He covered his face with his hands for a second, and when he looked at you again, you couldnât read his expression correctly. âWho told you about it? Where did you get it from?â
âJeremiah.â Thatâs all he needed to know. And apparently it was enough for him to grasp the situation. He laughed humorlessly and shook his head, his hands squeezed tightly into fists by his sides.
âI will strangle him this time. I swear, I willââ
âOh, please, Xavier, stop! Whatâs so wrong about me knowing? I was glad that someone finally enlightened me!â You couldnât believe that he was so angry at you for knowing such an important thing. Not when from the moment Jeremiah said that he had a thing for MC for a long time, you wondered why he kept that a secret from you. âYou never even said a word about it even though I thought we were best friends. I had to learn from someone else and that already hurt.â You wanted this conversation to be over. You wanted him to admit to it already and let you go away, with a broken, but at least free heart.
But he had different plans.
âHave you maybe thought that I never said a word about it simply because it wasnât true?â He asked carefully, his voice still angry. âI just canât believe you thought that I loved someone elseââ
âWhat?â Your mind went blank. You needed a moment to collect your thoughts. âWhat do you mean itâs not true?â You sniffed quietly, confusion taking over your face.âB-But Jeremiah said that you had a past with her andââ
âI did. I had feelings for her once, but that was literal lifetimes ago!â His irritation didnât ease in the slightest. âI had feelings for someone who looked similar to her. But sheâs not the same person anymore, and even if she was, I couldnât possibly fall in love with her. Not now, not ever.â You stopped in your tracks, trying to analyze everything he was saying to you and failing miserably at it. You looked at his face, your expression puzzled, searching for an answer there, hidden between his beautiful, soft features. It shocked you to see that now he started to calm himself down, gaze genuine, an image of complete transparency.
You couldnât wrap your head around the idea that you were mistaken. All this time, when you thought you never stood a chance, when you thought that he loved another, when you wanted to let him goâ
âYouâre not in love with MC.â It wasnât a question anymore, your voice quiet while you were trying to process that thought. He mustâve seen how you fought with the thoughts inside your head, because he released a groan and took a step towards you. You unintentionally took one step back. He frowned.
âOf course Iâm not.â Voice sweet like honey, stance sure, his eyes searched desperately for yours. He looked at your face, covered in tears and his eyebrows furrowed deeper, hating how upset you seemed and didnât know how to reverse it. âHow could I ever be, when your face is all I can see, every time I close my eyes?â He uttered looking at you with such devotion that it almost made your knees buckle.
Complete silence took over your thoughts after his confession. You didnât know what was happening.
But fortunately, his mind finally started to piece everything together in a picture, that although was beyond frustrating to think about, was giving him so much hope for something he thought he already lost.
He allowed himself to relax, took a deep breath and finally decided to drop his inner shackles, letting his emotions flow out of him without restraint.
âYou are the one that I love.â He said clearly, not moving a muscle. He wondered if you could see the quick movement of his chest, with how hard his heart was trying to escape through it to reach you. Whereas, you felt as if yours stopped moving completely, along with the time around you, not ready to believe that this was truly happening. âIt was you from the very beginning. I adored you since the day I first saw you.â He continued, his gaze piercing into your face, slight confusion visible on his features. âAnd I thought that was obvious? I wasnât exactly the best at hiding my feelings, especially after I told you about them the first night we spend together.â
You blinked slowly. Once, then twice.
Your head hurt. You couldnât wrap it around everything he was saying. Xavier was in love with you? And he already told you about it? You were so confused that the only way you knew how to react was with denial.
âYouâYou didnât. I didnât know, you are not being serious.â He shook his head in disbelief.
âI did. You really donât remember?â His tone softened, and he waited a short second for your answer, but couldnât contain his nerves. âIt was the night I kissed you for the first time, thinking that would be the last. But you reciprocated.â His eyes gleamed in the moonlight, and you found yourself holding your breath, afraid even the slightest sound might interrupt the flow of his confession.
âYouâYou kissed me back, and let me do things to you I only ever dared to dream about before.â He took another step your way, a small smile grazing his handsome face. âAnd the confession slipped out of me so naturally before we even reached the bed.â He briefly recalled that fateful night, describing the conversations you forgot, but longed to remember since that very moment.
âYou didnât reply, but you responded nicely to my touch, so I thought that meant that you wanted me too, that maybe youâd accept me. As your beloved. Your soulmate.â You brought your hand to cover your mouth. You couldnât believe it. âBut then in the morning when you woke up, you were panicking. I tried to reassure you, but you werenât listening to me.â
That part of the story you knew by heart, him telling you that he couldnât forget, didnât want to forget. Back then you didnât connect it with anything close to confession, but more with the change in your relationship. You really didnât want to jump to any conclusions, you didnât even dream about him loving you, when you thought that he loved MC. Insecurities and false assumptions completely clouded your vision.
âAnd when you proposed staying friends, with the bonus of intimacy, of course I took the chance. I thought you remembered my confession and didnât reciprocate my feelings, but I was so desperate that I would take anything you were willing to give me, even if it didnât involve your love. Iââ he cut off, blush flushed over his cheeks, up to the tips of his ears. He took a shaky breath. âI was clinging to the hope that maybe through the new shared intimacy I could show you how much you meant to me. And maybe, maybe someday you would start feeling the same, when you realized how good we are together and how good I can be for you.â
âXavierâOh my god.â You breathed, your hand still covering your mouth, your eyes never leaving his face. His beautiful, starstruck face, now so full of confusion and unspoken hurt. âBunny, Iâm so, so, so sorry. I had no idea, Iââ Your voice practically a whisper, you were still coming to terms with the fact that your feelings were reciprocated. And that you were the one who complicated things between you. âI donât remember anything you said to me that night. I couldnât even hear you through the sound of my own blood thrumming in my ears, thatâs how drunk I felt. How overwhelmed after our first kiss.â
The alcohol consumed that night also wasnât of big help. You were a lightweight and you drunk only occasionally, so the few drinks you had already made you feel dizzy. Mixed with the intensity of your emotions, it overwhelmed you so intensely that his touch was all you could remember from that night. But now you could make it all alright.
âI only remember your touch, the things we did, and our conversation the next morning. I remember touching your hand and initiating the kiss, and my tipsy brain just thought that you went with it to forget about MC.â You said truthfully, letting it all pour out of you. Your cheeks burned with the embarrassment of admitting how desperate you were for him, that the thought he loved another didnât stop you from having sex with him.
Then the blush deepened from the realization that from the very beginning the only one he was thinking about was you.
This thought made your head spin, the happiness slowly bubbling in your chest. Your whole body trembled.
âThatâsâ Fuck. You really donât remember.â He shook his head again, realizing how deep the misunderstanding reached. âYou didnât initiate anything. I was the one who kissed you first.â
âNo, Iââ
âYes. You touched my hand, smiled at me contentedly and said some things and IâI just couldnât restrain myself any longer.â This time you were the one who started approaching him slowly. You needed him close. Always. And you realized that now you didnât have any reasons to deny yourself that lack of distance. âYou looked so soft, so open and kissable, and I just went for it. And then you reciprocated.â The light in his eyes started sparkling when he noticed that you were finally coming closer to him. He reached out his hand for you and you took it gently, still shaking from the unspoken emotions.
âI canât believe it. All this time I thought that you were in love with someone else.â His hand was warm, the touch electrifying. You squeezed his hand and intertwined your fingers together. You saw how between your clasped hands, his Evol started shining brightly, shading soft light upon your features. It was a sign that he was excited. âI tried to put a distance between us, end this intimacy because I thought that I was just a second best for you. An easy distraction.â
âHow could you think that? Almost from the moment I met you, I have loved you passionatelyââ He brought you even closer together, pulling you by your intertwined hands, and put his other hand on your cheek. He swiped the reminder of your tears with his fingers, looking into your eyes with a devotion so apparent that it took your ability to form coherent thoughts. How did you manage to miss the way he was always looking your way?
âX-Xavier.â
âI couldnât even think about anyone else even if I tried to. You occupy my every thought. How could I ever find a place for somebody else in my heart when you fill the space out completely?â Everything that came out of his mouth was laced with impatience. He was trying so hard to make you understand him, and the intensity of his emotions. He couldnât psychically hold it inside anymore, he restrained himself for so long that he felt as if all of his walls finally crumbled. He needed you to know everything.
âI love you, starlight. Iâm so in love with you that I couldnât contain that feeling inside anymore. I couldnât even spend five minutes in your presence without trying to touch you, to kiss you, to hold you. My whole body longs for you constantly.â He said, thinking about the months after you started being friends with benefits. How at first, he wasnât sure how much he could take from you, and then, when he noticed that you didnât mind the affection outside the bedroom, he couldnât contain himself. He kissed you every time he had a chance, he touched you everywhere he could, he was trying to stay away from you as little as possible. Despite thinking that you did not reciprocate his feelings fully, his love for you flowed out of him naturally, every look and every touch laced with unconditional devotion.
During the period of your silence and avoiding him, he thought that it was because he finally crossed a line. He let his feelings out too much, he finally made you uncomfortable. He was starting to act as you lover, not as your friend and it wasnât what you agreed to. He thought you still didnât love him and maybe that was a sign that you never will. And even if that could be the case, he still couldnât let you go.
And it appeared that he didnât have to.
That you were not uncomfortable, but unsure.
That it was all a huge misunderstanding.
And the words that came out of your pretty, little mouth next, almost brought him to his knees.
âXavier. Xavier me too, Iââ You stuttered, completely overwhelmed by how much you were feeling. You squeezed his wrists, and looked deep into his beautiful, hopeful eyes. âI love you too. And I fell in love with you long before our first night together. I just thought that it was wishful thinking, because your heart was already taken by someone else. And that I could just stay beside you as your friend and that would be enough. And then share your bed from time to time, if that meant that I could hold you close, be on the receiving end of your affection.â You said and raised on your feet to place a quick kiss on his lips. He chased after you instantly, despite appearing stunned. You noticed his hands were shaking.
âYou really mean it?â He asked, leaning towards you, kissing your lips again, this time for longer. He had trouble keeping his mouth away from yours, especially now, that he knew that every one of your kisses was filled with love. âAm I not dreaming this time?â You smiled and stroked his hair affectionately, petting his head, wanting to convey your feelings in every way possible.
âXavier, I love you.â You repeated, grabbing his head in your palms and looking deep into his eyes. Your voice was strong, leaving no room for uncertainty. âI love you so muââ He didnât let you finish that sentence, because he quickly picked you up and spun you around, holding you in his arms. You giggled and put your arms around his neck, holding him tightly, his face buried in your neck. When he stopped, he quickly found your lips again and that kiss felt groundbreaking.
He held you close to him, one hand squeezing you by your waist, and the other holding your jaw gently. His brows furrowed in desperation and his kisses were slow, sensual, sending pleasant shocks throughout your whole body. His tongue made an appearance, and he tasted you in a way that made your legs feel like jelly. He licked into your mouth, grunting lowly, his fingers placing a strand of your hair behind your ear, then tracing patterns on your warm cheek. When you opened your eyes for a second, you could see that the tips of his ears were red. The blush spread through his cheeks too, making him look so adorable.
âIt does feel like a dream.â He breathed between kisses. âAnd sounds too good to be true.â He captured your lips again and you smiled into his mouth. Your heart was about to burst.
âI love you.â You repeated, basking in the feeling of finally being able to say it out loud, be open with your emotions. He released your lips and kissed your forehead. You looked up, and he placed his forehead against yours, his eyes closed, a wide smile adorning his face.
âDonât stop saying that. You make me so happy.â He said quietly, and you whispered the confession once again, making him sigh shakily.
âI was so stupid. I shouldâve asked you right from the start if what Jeremiah said was true.â You said and hugged him more tightly. âI shouldâve told you sooner.â You placed your head on his strong chest, your ear touching his bare body, listening to his fast heartbeat. Your hands were hugging his waist, mindful not to touch his bandaged back.
âNo, I foolishly thought that telling you once would suffice. I forgot that you drank that night and that couldâve clouded your memory.â He squeezed you harder to himself and started back away with you in his arms, until the back of his legs touched his couch. He fell into it, holding you close, making you sit on his lap. âTo think that I could have you soonerââ He looked into your eyes, as if searching for something.
âYou had me before, and you have me now. My heart, my body, my soul.â You positioned yourself more comfortably, placing your legs on both sides of his waist, and took his face into your hands. He closed his eyes at the contact, and started to caress your body, from your waist, down to your legs. He squeezed the plush of your tights and let his head fall against the couch pillows.
He couldnât believe that this was happening. He prayed that this wasnât a dream, that all of the things you were telling him were true. His chest vibrated pleasurably, incredible warmth spreading through it. His heart beat so quickly, and so loudly that he thought it was the first time he felt itsâ beat so intensely himself. Your words made him feel drunk with emotion.
He opened his eyes to look at your face.
He almost choked with how beautiful you were. How divine, sitting on him, caressing his shoulders, smiling at him with the stars in your eyes. He looked at your lips, full and swollen, bearing the signs of his kisses. He looked at your neck, delicate and unmarked, and he stroked it with the back of his hand, wanting to change that fact immediately, knowing that now he was allowed to do that. He switched his gaze to your eyes again and drank them in, basking in their light, wishing that this moment could never end. Or maybe it should, so it could become your new beginning.
You were his treasure. His star, his light, guiding him through life, making his existence worth pursuing. You showed him that the world can be beautiful, despite its overbearing cruelty. You were his salvation, his safe place, his one and only, showing him every single day that he mattered, that he was not a lost cause, or a villain in disguise. You taught him that he was capable of loving so intensely and now, that he was loved as passionately in return.
He doubted his worth, but the only way he knew to prove his love for you was by protecting you with his very life. You had no idea, but his sword, now a symbol of your bond, was yours to commandâand you were the only reason he continued to wield it.
âWhat are you thinking about?â Your voice was not more than a whisper, your eyes still looking into his starry ones, losing yourself in the deep blue. You loved them, how magnificent and expressive they were, and you swore to yourself to tell him about it every day.
He seemed to get out of the trace he was in, and his eyes softened, still taking you in. He smiled and took your hands into his, and kissed your knuckles, his kisses gentle and long-lasting.
âYou.â He replied shortly, his voice gentle and reassuring. He put your hands on his shoulders, making you hug his neck with them. You complied and put your whole arms around his neck, bringing your bodies closer. One of his hands touched your waist, caressing it delicately, and the other one stroked your hair, admiring itsâ softness. His eyes never left yours. âAlways you, my starlight. Then, now, and till the end of my days. I will always carry you in my mind, and in my heart, to be able to reach you, no matter the distance.â You could feel his breath on your face with how close you were to each other, and he gazed at your open lips, which were already waiting to be kissed senselessly. âI love you, as I never loved anyone else in my life, and I never will again.â His lips captured yours in a kiss so soft, yet so desperate, and full of adoration, that you felt a single, happy tear escape from your eye. He deepened the kiss and held you throughout the night, kissing you and touching you, never wanting the moment to end, the warmth of your skin to become a memory.
It all started with the simplest of touches, and it never truly ended. The spark you ignited that first night has never faded. Since the moment you met, it has burned brightly between you both, a light so powerful that it could be seen across the vastness of deep space. Everlasting and exquisite, just like the different lifetimes you both had ahead of you, always finding each other, as if guided by its warmth.
ŕŠâŠâ§âË
thank you for your time and please let me know if you liked it!! i was thinking of writing more for this au, maybe from xavierâs perspective? how they met and how he fell in love + how their first night really played out âĄ
if u liked it, u can buy me a coffee here!: https://ko-fi.com/kitimeq
Ö´ÖśÖ¸đ ࣪ËË⥠one call away đ¤ xavier ćĺ ââĄŕż
࣪ËË⥠pairing: xavier x reader
࣪ËË⥠summary: xavier calls you while youâre away on a long mission, and he desperately needs your help <3 he misses you, he longs for you and he just canât do this alone anymore
࣪ËË⥠word count: 3.3k
࣪ËË⥠tags: 18+, mdni!!!, phone sex, porn with feelings, with a little bit of plot, established relationship, masturbation, pet names, desperate xavier, he is pathetic for the reader, he loves her so much, love confessions but not for the first time!! longing, dirty talk, praise kink whaow
inspired by mingâs art @/abclarett on twitter!! you can find it here. give her a lot of love shes absolutely amazing and please enjoy this lil cup of filth!! i love xavier i want him to feel good, donât we all
Ö´đ ࣪ËËâĄââĄŕż
Xavier teleported back into his apartment, and a quiet, weary sigh escaped his lips. His arm went straight to massage at his shoulder, which was sore and tense after hours spend at the no-hunt zone, where he killed countless of wanderers for the sole purpose of killing some time as well.
He was usually patientâlifetimes spend waiting, the passage of time irrelevant, most of the time nearly unnoticeable. But that was before you happened. A peaceful presence, his guiding little light, making his days a whole lot brighter. Every day now felt exciting and new; every night either passionate or too long, with the knowledge that the next day he would wake up and see you again, giving him all the more reason to fall asleep quickly, just to shorten your time apart.
Itâs not that he couldnât live without youâhe just truly, genuinely didnât want to.
At least, that what was he thought before you left for a secret mission without him, leaving him neglected and sulking for what was now almost two weeks time. Two weeks without your hotpot dates, movie nights and visits at the arcade, where he could see your beautiful smile every time you both managed to snatch a plushie. Two weeks without long walks, when he could hold your hand and listen to your voice talking about anything and everything, eyes shining with mirth and affection so bare it occasionally still made him blush. Two weeks without cuddles. Two weeks without kisses. Two weeks without him touching your soft, oh so soft skin, and your warm hands wandering on his body, brushing, caressing, fondling and strokingâ
Two weeks without sex. And he was so painfully aware of that fact, every single muscle in his body tense and longing, thoughts that were a week ago only filled with your bubbly laugh and pretty eyes, now haunted by your soft moans and visions of your body, that he was so desperate to hold close again.
To say that he was horny was an understatement. He missed you, every single part of you so deeply longed for, he feared what he will do once he sees you again. He was starved, and it started to get on his nerves.
Why werenât you coming back to him already? Werenât you as useless as he was after so much time apart? You didnât even call every night, the feeling of being neglected scratched at his brain every now and then.
With a big frown he took off his hunter uniform and went straight to shower, hoping that it would be enough to calm him down. Praying the warmth of the running water will wash away his exhaustion along with his longing.
And when he was later lying down in too huge of a bed, your smell already absent from the pillow that he considered to be yours for a long time now, he found himself still desperate for some kind of a release.
âFâFuckââ He moaned quietly, stroking his length leisurely, thumb touching the tip after each pump, spreading the bead of the precum around it to make the slide easier. He reached for the lube you had stored in his bedside drawer, and poured a bit onto his hand, hissing with how cold it was when it spilled all over his cock.
He wasnât used to it, you were usually the one to warm it up for him with your breath.
He whimpered, his thoughts jumping straight to youâthe images of your body, your silky smooth skin, angelic face and melodic voice making him stroke harder and harder, hips going upwards, chasing the memory of being inside you. His mouth opened wide, moan after moan escaping freely, grunt after grunt forming a prayer that the release will come to him quickly, just so he could fall asleep without this stupid, unbearable need.
But without you by his side, it just didnât work.
âCâmon, câmonâŚ.â Breathless whisper came before another soft grunt, hand stroking his length faster and faster. âGod, pâplease. Câmonââ His body turned to lay on his side, his nose burrowing into your pillow, desperate to catch even a ghost of your sweet scent, anything to help him come. The material did a good job at hiding his already red face and drowning out his pants, however, the evidence of your presence was completely gone.
And that made him realize that he had to swallow his pride and ask for help. God, he wanted to hear you.
He picked up his phone from the nightstand and dialed your number, fingers going frantically over the small keyboard. One signal, his cock still throbbed in his now unmoving hand. Second signal, he gripped himself delicately at the base, biting his lip in impatience.
âPlease, baby, pick up. Please, please, pleaseâ" His whispers suddenly cut off by your response at the other end.
âXay? Hi baby, I thought you were asleep already.â Your voice nearly made him jump, the signal clear and loud, the pet name and your sweet timbre almost making him moan out loud. His hand was still unmoving, not wanting to do anything without your permission.
âHâHey. Hey, IâmâIâm not.â Xavier answered awkwardly and cringed, hating how breathless he sounded already. âAre youâ? Did I wake you up?â He didnât even think about it being an option and now he started to feel guilty.
âNo, no, I just finished showering. Actually I didnât want to disturb you, but Iââ
âI need you.â He blurted out and bit his tongue, embarrassment at being so desperate warming up his cheeks. âSorry, IâI just miss you so much. Andâand I need you, I keep touching myself but I canât comeâNot without you. The memory of you is not enough anymore.â He heard your quiet gasp at the end of the line and it was enough to make him sweat. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the bed frame. âCan you help me starlight? Please? I just need to hear you.â
You were completely quiet for a second, as if shocked, but not a beat later you hummed, the sound of the bedsheets rustling on your side reaching his ears.
âOh, my poor little bunny. Of course Iâll help you.â You cooed and he swore under his breath, hand tightening on his cock, your voice already making him rock-hard again. âYou miss me that much?â
âYâyeah. âF course I do. Always.â The last word whimpered pathetically, a drop of sweat making its way down his temple.
âItâs only been less than two weeks sinceââ
âToo long. Too long âf me. Please.â His breath was rugged, eyes blinking slowly, your voice alone already undoing him. âTalk to me. âBout anything. I just want toââ His jaw tightened, brows furrowed and he had to stop himself from crying out of the helplessness.
âMmm, okay. Are you touching yourself already?â He twitched, hand still, your gentle, patronizing tone working wonders in terms of getting him closer.
âMhm. Have been for a while butââ He started but realized that he might disgust you, and he was trying so hard not to stroke himself while he talked to you. âI meanâNot now, now Iâm not doing it, I was waiting for you to say itâs okay, but I did before I called, and I canâtââ You giggled at the other side and if Xavierâs heart could beat out of his chest, it would at this very moment.
âItâs fine, bunny. I want you to do it now, okay? Could you touch yourself for me, please?â He straight up whimpered into the phone and when he closed his eyes he could imagine you sitting right next to him, looking so beautiful, and soft, and bright, looking at him from underneath your lashes with these deadly, shining eyes of yours and heâ
âAâah. For you, yeah. Yeah.â The squelching sound of him stroking himself echoed through the room again, and he started out slow, the sensation already a hundred times better. âIâm doing it, can you hear it?â
âYes, I can. You can go faster, donât be shy. I want you to feel good, Xavi.â Xavier moaned and his head hit the bed frame again, his hand holding the phone shaking from the way your voice sounded right next to his ear. Your tone was soft and straight up seductive, he was loosing it fast. His hand started going up and down quicker, breaths short and fast, mouth open wider, lips pink and swollen from constant biting.
âLâLike this, star? Am Iâam I doing it right?â The wet sound was getting louder and the sharp sparks of pleasure hit him again, and again, and again. But what he really needed was your attention.
âYouâre doing it perfect. Good boy.â He choked on a moan and the phone fell out of his hand, his fist still chasing the pleasure. The fabric of his shirt started bothering him so he took it into his teeth, trying to stifle the sounds in the process. He picked up the phone hastily, embarrassment entirely forgotten. You were the only one on his mind, and he needed to hear more of your sweet praises. He wanted you to call him a good boy again. He wanted to be good. âEverything alright, baby?â
âMhm, mhm, mhmmmm.â The shirt muffled his voice, his spit wetting the material, but he didnât care. Not when you were so lovely to him. âMore. Fâfuck, what do you want meââ Said through his teeth biting into the fabric and you moaned quietly at how broken he already sounded. The sound made another glob of precum leak from his hard cock.
âKeep stroking for me, bunny.â His eyes went back into his skull and he did what he was told.
âMmhmââ
âLike that, yeah. Faster. Hold yourself tighter, you feeling good?â
âYessss. Sâgood. Sâgood.â He turned onto his side and moaned uncontrollably, tears already appearing in his eyes. He held himself tight and stroked until there was absolutely nothing else on his mind, his hair sticking to his wet forehead, making him look like an absolute mess.
âIf I were there, I would help you...â You whispered and he put you on the speaker, placing the phone on your pillow. His hand never left his cock.
âYou would?â Came out weak, shirt discardedâit was too wet anyway, his body already glistening with sweat. He laid down and closed his eyes, waiting for your response.
âI would kiss your lips, then your chest. Down, down, down to your cock.â
âYessss.â
âThen I would take you into my handââ
âPleaseââ
âAnd after you begged me so sweetly I would take you into my mouth.â He imagined your plush lips around him, going up and down, your voice ringing in his ears. He heard his blood pumping and his breath was so uneven he thought you will finally be the end of him. âAnd then⌠I would show Linkon a real anomaly.â He breathed out a laugh into your pillow, eyes crinkling at the corners, and it was quickly followed by a little moan when he heard you laugh too.
âShâshit, does it make me pathetic if I say that still really gets me goinâ?â His words slurred, precum mixing with lube making everything so wet and slippery it was starting to make him see stars. He didnât stop his stroking even for a second. Your cute teasing turned him on too.
âWell, yeah. Pathetically in love with me.â You answered adorably and he bit his lip again, smiling wildly.
âYeah. That I am.â An honest answer and a breath, he was getting close, body burning.
âI love you too, Xavier.â You said and he surprised himself by how much it affected him, a sharp moan coming out of him, his dick twitched, his thumb stroking at his tip now. He swore. âI love you. So much. And I love the way you sound now. Youâre still okay?â
His body shook, the other hand went to grab at his balls, and he nearly growled back in response.
âYes, yes, yes. Please say my name again. Please, pleaseââ
âXavier. I love you, Xavier. And I miss my sweet, little bunnyâŚâ
âYes, God, fuck, I miss you so much. I miss holding you, touching you, fâfuckââ You whispered his name again and he cried out, grabbing himself harder and nearly humping the mattress. He was drooling from his open mouth, saliva sliding right to his chin.
âI miss you too. And if I was there with you I would let you touch me all you want. I would put your hands on my chest, let you fondle themââ
He imagined you under him, his hands unbuckling your bra, grabbing your boobs and squeezing, kneading in a way that he always did, in a way that made him so, so relaxed.
âYou are always so, so, so, so softâŚâ
âI would kiss your neck, too. And if you were a good boy, I would let you taste me.â An image appeared behind his closed eyelids, your legs spread, waiting for him to put his tongue where he wanted to the most.
He twitched.
âI need that. IâmMHnmâI do. I doâAhâI would be good, so good to youâŚâ
âAnd after you had your fillââ
âNever. I would never want to stoââ
âThen I would let you slide right inside me.â Xavier was humping the mattress now, tears slowly falling from his eyes, cheeks and lips red, the image of you naked underneath him making his body shake, hand stroking frantically. âCompletely raw.â
âFâFuck, youâll let me? Youâll really let me? God, please..â He was thrusting his hips now, hand still going up and down, sheets and the mattress a mess but he didnât care. He was so close he could taste it, and he stopped caring about making a mess a long time ago.
âHarder, bunny. Let me hear youâŚâ Another moan, more broken this time. âAnd if you made the exact sounds youâre making right nowâŚâ
âYeah? MhhhmmmâYeah? What then, sâstarlight? I would fuck you so good. Hâholy, I would give it to you so good you would never leave me again. You would never make me wait soââ He was babbling, full body shaking and tensing, arm starting to hurt with how quickly he moved it on his cock. He bit the pillow and hid his face in it, head nuzzling into the place you always occupied while you were visiting him.
He was so close. So, so close, he already felt the build up, he was already too sensitive, your voice sounded so sweet next to his ear and he just neededâ
ââI would let you come inside.â He cried out, loudly, body shaking, the image making his vision white, and he came so hard he almost blacked out. Incoherent words fell out of his lips and he grabbed his cock harder, rutting into the bed, face hidden into your pillow, mouth open and jaw sore. His cum stained the mattress but he was too far gone to care, a few hard breaths and a whimper, and his body finally started to calm down.
He fell onto his wet back, pillow under his head now, making him almost drown in its softness. His eyes were closed and he focused on his breathing, chest going up and down, filled with the warm feeling of contentment. His arm reached for your side of the bed again, and he sighed feeling how cold it still was.
âAre you still there, Xay?â He heard your quiet voice, laced with mirth and he breathed out a bubbly laugh too, feeling this light for the first time in weeks.
âYeah. But you nearly ended me.â He shielded his eyes with his arm, still trying to control his breathing. It was easier to imagine you next to him like this. âThank you, starlight. What a way to go.â You laughed again and he smirked slowly, sleepiness already overtaking him.
âYouâre so welcome. I love hearing you like this.â Voice brushed his ears like a feather, making him shiver. He hummed and raised slowly, the clean hand ruffling his hair that sticked to his forehead uncomfortably. âMade me want you even more.â Xavier gulped and took the phone into his hand, whispering into the speaker.
âThat so? Then maybe itâs this starâs turn to make you fall apart?â He started walking to the bathroom and he cleaned himself up a little, and then glanced up at the mirror.
He looked ruined. He felt warm. He still missed you, terribly so.
âDo you even have the energy? You always feel so sleepy afterwards.â
âBut I donât want to hang up yet. I want to keep listening to you.â He dried his hands and sighed picking up the phone, turning off the speaker mode and pressing it into his ear. âI want to make you feel good too. I wonât be able to fall asleep if I donât.â
âHmm, then I guess itâs a good thing.â He heard footsteps echoing from your side of the phone and he got confused. He thought you were already ready to sleep, where were you going at this hour?
âYou guess?â Xavier grabbed his gray sweatpants and put them on slowly, phone held between his head and shoulder. A yawn escaped his lips, yet he was beyond excited to hear your moans and broken pleas. The night was still young and he wanted to take care of you in a way that will made you dream about him too.
Your answer came the moment he finished tying a little bow to hold the material on his hips.
âYeah. Because that means you will still have the energy to open the door.â
He halted, one leg already on his bed, whole body going tense.
âWhat?â He said softly, mind going million miles per hour. His heart started beating quickly and his chest squeezed in anticipation, impatience to hear your answer prickling at his warm skin.
âIâve been back since afternoon, actually. You called me right after I took a shower, right in my apartment.â He breathed out deeply and heard his doorbell ring once, the sound drowned out by his heartbeat. You were back, you really wereâ âAnd it was really fun, but I canât wait to get the real thing. Donât make me wait any longer, okay?â
Xavier teleported to his door right this instant, the phone tossed somewhere between his couch and the dinner table, and he opened the door so harshly it made you jump.
You, who were still holding your phone to your ear, soft smile on your lips and lovely blush on your cheeks, looking so beautiful in your soft white pyjamas that the sight took his breath away.
And you gasped when you saw him: gray sweatpants low on his hips, the matching happy trial full on display further reddening your face. Red blotches on his skin and marks where his chest was pressed into the bedsheets a reminder of what he was doing just ten minutes earlier. And what you helped him with.
âHi, Xaviââ
âYouââ He picked you up quickly and pulled you into his apartment, hugging you to his bare chest, pressing his nose against your neck. The pressure of your back against the door made it close, and you laughed, his warmth and soft skin making you feel at ease.
And when he finally started kissing you, his eyes shining brightly and his smile pressing into your eager lips, you could only feel excited that, for you, the night had only just begun.
And as you held each other, neither of you could help but think that this was what home felt like.
Ö´đ ࣪ËËâĄââĄŕż
forgive me xavier for i had sinned please dont judge me at least now im free
TWITTER SAW IT FIRST!! if u want to, find me there!
if u want to support me, you can send me a kofi! <3
a feel like the new generation of fanfic readers NEED to understand that clicking on a fic (interaction) does nothing. ao3 has no algorithm. your private discord discussions of fic do not reach the authors. if you do not actively engage with writers they will stop posting. this isnât social media this is community.
Prince Xavier was without a doubt magnificentâhair cut short and silver, reflecting the light in a way that seemed to almost create a halo around his head. His face handsome and regal, eyes blue and shining with purpose, resembling the aquamarine that rested against your chest, that now rose and fell quickly with the way your heart was beating aggressively against it.
His voice was nothing short of angelic too, yet the soft timbre that made you laugh and blush during your first encounter, when you had yet to know who he really was, and what he was about to do, was now making the hair at your nape stand straight.
Because angels usually wish for peace, not urge to start chaos and bloodshed.
ââŚIf they do not agree to our terms, there is no point in waiting. Our men are ready. We will take what rightfully belongs to us before the Earth orbits the Sun again.â His voice although gentle, cut through the tension in the air as if it was a deadly weapon. You gasped and touched your fatherâs arm, urging him to say something, anything to disapprove. To cut the princeâs plan short. âThe support of your army is not needed, Your Highness, but would surely be appreciated. Our kingdoms are to become united, thus I feel the need to inform you about, and include you in our future actions.â Xavierâs eyes met yours and you gulped nervously, not recognizing the man before you. Your gaze fixed on your father, hand squeezing his formal wear, urging him to speak.
But the words that left his mouth were not what you expected them to be.
âYou have our permission and full support, Your Highness. We will wait for further instructions.â Your father said and your mouth opened in shock, your whole body trembling.
It wasnât supposed to be like this. Your marriage, the one that had been arranged a while ago, was supposed to bring peace. It was supposed to be a happy union, and it surely seemed like it with the way prince Xavier looked at you, with the way he spoke to you, and touched you as if you were the most precious of gems, the woman he would build kingdoms for, not destroyâ
âNo!â You exclaimed, making the eyes of the whole room turn your way. The eyes of the most important officials of your lands, as well as the eyes of the one that you were arranged to marry.
For peace. For freedom and peaceful future, not for the war and mayhem.
âOur land will not start another useless war. I will not allow it.â You took a step towards the prince, his eyes never leaving yours even for a second. Your father wanted to grab your hand and pull you to his side, but you quickly dodged his attempts. âAs long as I live, I will not let you bring this upon us. Upon our people.â
Xavier was quiet for a moment, his blue eyes studied your face with intention, gaze that before was filled with quiet adoration and a promise of utmost devotion, now filled with something akin to pity. You hated that lookâit made you feel like a child, like someone who would not be taken seriously. And you still find it hard to believe that he even proposed an armed conflict. From your brief but meaningful exchanges throughout these months you believed that he was someone gentle and kind, not striving for violence.
It turns out you mustâve been mistaken this whole time. And it broke your heart in two.
âI mean no harm, my princess. I simply want whatâs best for the kingdom of Philos, I want to do it for us, for our peopleââ He took a step toward you and you flinched, his brows furrowing in response. You shook your head and although the tears wanted to fill your eyes, you refused to show the people around you your fragility.
âNo.â You answered and held your head up high, looking at the man who was supposed to be your future husband as if you saw him for the first time. âThe war is never for the people. The war is what people fear, the reason they lose sleep. The war is for you, for all of you, selfish, greedy people who donât even attempt to find another way to ease the conflict.â Your whole body was shaking and the prince noticed, his hands going straight to take off his huge cape. Yet when he wanted to offer you to wear it, you dismissed him with a shake of your hand.
âForgive my daughter, Your Highness, she doesnât know whatââ
âI know what I am talking about, father! I always knew and you never took me seriously, and now you want to marry me off to someone who will put our people in despairââ
âMy dear, you have to understand me. The war is the only way, I am doing this for us, I am doing this for youââ Xavier started, his hands coming over to grab yours but you were quick to shake him off, making the officers around you gasp. His touch seemed to burn you, the shock and disgust you felt upon hearing his plans was irreversible, shaking the ground beneath your feet and changing the way you thought of him before.
You knew you shouldnât act this way. You shouldnât show such disrespect for the crowned prince, and you shouldnât even be a part of this conversation. But you refused to stay silent and let the people of your land fight wars for the things they had no control over.
You couldnât let them die for the battles that werenât theirs. And fortunately, you still had a way to save them.
âYou are not doing this for me, Your Highness. For us. And you will not have to anymore.â You said with certainty, your shaking hands gripping the fabric of your dress, one of your favorite ones, worn today specifically for him to admire. Now, his thoughts and affections became meaningless to you, your heart suddenly turned to stone, the loyalty to your people a balm to your breaking heart.
âWhat do you mean, my princess? What are youââ Through your blurred vision you saw his panicked gaze, and you took a deep breath and let one of your tears finally fall. He moved as if he wanted to catch it. But it was already too late.
âI canât marry you. I refuse to marry you and let our kingdom fall alongside yours.â His face fell and mouth snapped shut, spine straightening and hands clenching at the sides. His jaw tensed and he looked as if he was struck by lightning. And although the heartbreak on his face hurt you, you couldnât look away. âBecause no matter the outcome, the war will take away the lives of many, and I refuse to be the one who made that happen. Our union was supposed to unite and protect, not bring violence and madness.â He stayed silent and you didnât even hear him breathe. Your father stirred behind you and grabbed your arm, and you stopped fighting him. Nothing he would do or say now will change your decision.
âMy princess, please calm down, Iââ Xavier started speaking quietly but you shook your head, everyone was waiting for your answer with a held breath.
âI am calm, Your Highness. And I am breaking off our engagement right here, right now.â The room was completely quiet and you hated how devastated he looked, even though he wanted to hide it from the others. âBy agreeing to this union I thought I would be marrying a gentle man, not a ruthless warrior. I cannot let my people suffer because of our fathersâ choices and my own heartâs desire. I refuse to be so selfish.â More tears fell and his frown deepened, the grip of your fatherâs hand on your arm bruising. But before anyone could say anything, you turned to your parent, your king, and looked straight into his eyes.
âI know this isnât what we agreed upon, my king. But I cannot do this. I will never marry this man. My words are final.â Your voice strong despite the tremble of your shoulders, and you heard the prince grunt few steps behind you. âAnd if he wants meââ
âI do.â Xavier said so loudly and surely his voice bounced off of the walls and rang in your ears.
âHe will have to take me by force.â Voice full of venom, you turned one last time to see the man you started to get accustomed to through all these months. Your heart throbbed painfully, knowing well that you werenât near him just out of obligation, but adoration that formed and settled deep into your very being.
You bowed to him, the movement slow and much more formal that you were used to by now. And when you saw his hand reaching for you, you did what all the damsels in distress were best at.
You run away. Quickly and surely, tears streaming down your face, the wind swiping them straight into your ears.
And that was the day the chaos ensued, and among it all stood prince Xavier, heart full of ache and desperation not to lose youâthe one he longed for, and the one he loved, terribly so, for as long as he remembered.
hi!! just read we can't be friends and... augh your writing and pacing is chef's kiss. xavi is so underrated it's so hard to find long fics written for him and yours just made my day (â ăĽâ  ̄â  â Âłâ  ̄â )â 㼠hoping to read more xavi fics from you in the future!! <3
thank u for liking wcbf!! đĽşđ i also think thats my magnum opus tbh đđ i love xavier so much and i love writing for him i should do it more for sure!! and i also noticed the xavier drought in fics!! đ
i plan to write for him a LOT in the upcoming year and im already halfway through the we canât be friends prequel so i hope youâll read it once it comes out đĽşđ¤
read through your entire works and its so so so good like i was weeping reading the caleb fic đ but your xavier fic (we canât be friends) is TOP TIER. That was my first ever fic for love and deepspace and xavierâs not even my main (zayne is đđŤśđź) but xavier became my second favorite because of that fic đ its just so good and i re-read and go back to it so much
THANK U SO MUCH FOR LIKING MY FICSđđđđđ and the fact that i helped to make xavier ur second fav is the highlight of my day fr đđđ
thank u for reading and liking it so much, im so happy that i managed to create something worth coming back to đĽşđ¤
AAAAA I CANâT WAIT FOR THE PREQUEL TO WE CANâT BE FRIENDS!!! I hope thereâs no angst and just xavier and mc being the cutest couple đ
AHH prequel means that it will be about the events before they became friends with benefits!!!
but i plan to write it out from xavierâs perspective and show their friendship more and the events that made their first night happen + include the first night and the morning after when the reader is freaking out. SO!! it will have a slight angst but we already know that the story ends well âđźđđ and the prequel is still full of them being the absolute cutest together so i hope youâll like it either way!! đĽşđ
I just wanted to say you write so beautifully!! Itâs really hard to find lads fics that arenât just purely smut (not shaming anyone itâs just what makes up the majority of fics haha) and all of your stuff has such depth and emotion and yearning and thatâs EXACTLY what Iâve been searching for in the pits of this platform and a03 so THANK YOU for being such an amazing writer!! I pray you write more Caleb fics filled with the same around of yearning and angst/happy ending as your gravity hurts post đđźđđźđđźđđź anyways YOURE AMAZING!!
AHHH THANK U SO MUCH đđ
and yeah i get what ur coming from, i always search for something that has plot and usually i cannot find anything too 𼺠so thank u for ACKNOWLEDGING ME đđ
And im beyond happy u enjoy my works it means the world to me đĽşđ and thank u for reading my caleb fic i know its long!! so the fact that u gave me so much of ur time is the best gift i could ever receive đĽşđđ
thank u thank u thank U for reading my worksđĽşđ¤
âšââĄâ gravity hurts (you made it so sweet) đ¤ caleb 䝼ćź.đĽ Ý Ë
âËâĄpairing: caleb x nonmc! reader
âËâĄword count: 17.3k (i wrote a book lol)
âËâĄsummary: the three of you have been the best of friends ever since you remembered, and although your love for Caleb wasnât exactly the friendly kind, you were more than happy to have him close. But who wouldâve thought that one night by yourselves would end this way? The warmth of acceptance and the sting of the heartbreak that came after, and among all of itâa lost boy desperate to make it right.
âËâĄtags: 18+, mdni!!! NOT a love triangle!! mc is treated as a calebâs sis in this one, the reader and mc and caleb are friends!! best of friends!! unrequited love!! but not really, angst, angst with happy ending, misunderstandings, or more like lies, love confessions obsessed caleb, kinda pathetic caleb, insecure caleb, he cries, we cry, everyone literally cries, first times, but the scene is quite short, they love each other so much, my babies, please read it.
âËâĄwriterâs note: my first ever commission for my wonderful stella 𼺠i hope you like it baby and i hope all of u will like it too, despite the length. i wanted to stretch it in time so that the reconciliation at the end wouldnât be forced. i hope youâll read it and like it, i loved writing for caleb đ¤
!!likes, reblogs and comments, pls comment, would be appreciated ⥠let me know what u think!
* 20+ unread messages from [ my miss hunter!<3 ]*
âď¸ baby what happened, where are you?
âď¸ you donât pick up and even read my messages, i donât know whatâs happening, are you okay?
âď¸ calebâs going totally ap(pl)eshit pun intended god i hope if youâre reading this you laughed at least. PLEASE write back or iâll join him.
âď¸ heâs actually going insane, does he know something? he refuses to tell me anything, what happened between you guys? i was absent for literally one meeting, did you throw hands or something? he seems really unstable, like, much more than usual and he already had issues before, thatâs for SURE.
âď¸ iâm so sorry for joking. iâm just really worried. itâs been a week. please respond to me, i donât know what to do. i need to know youâre safe.
âď¸ what did he do? now i know that heâs at fault here, heâs acting insane.
âď¸ heâs not sleeping. i donât think heâs eating either? he looks like a walking corpse and heâs still looking for you everywhere. iâm not sure whoâs managing the fleet now but for sure not him.
âď¸ heâs not saying a single word. i know now that he mustâve done something, heâs not just worried, heâs fucking terrified and to be honest i am too. itâs been almost two weeks now, please answer me.
âď¸ i swear i wonât tell him anything. just please respond.
It was supposed to be a day like any other.
You, her, himâsitting together, eating your favorite food, maybe watching one of the movies MC somehow always managed to convince you to watch. Such nights always ended in the same way: with you sleeping next to her, right on Calebâs bed. The gruesome scenes replayed behind your closed eyelids, your body nearly sprawled on top of your friend, your hand gripping hersâtoo tightly to just be affectionate. Calebâs laugh echoed through his apartment, jokes and jabs aimed right at you, spoken in soft tones from his usual spot on the couch, where he always slept during your sleepovers.
And while you were pouting and trying to defend yourself from his absolutely false accusations of being a scaredy-cat, it was always his little sister who defended you like a lioness. Her clever comebacks always softened his teasing nature towards you. But it was all just a silly little gameâthe truth was you didnât mind being teased, you knew Caleb long enough to realize that it was just the way in which he showed affection. It just so happened that MC showed hers by protecting you and attacking Caleb right back, every time his teasing seemed to be endless.
âEasy, pip, Iâm just tryinâ to get her mind off of that spoooky imitation of a movie.â He answered between quiet laughs, and a quiet scoff left your mouth, quickly followed by a small smile. âBesides, if she really was scared, she would sleep here with me. She would be much, much safer, right?â His question followed by your name, and you immediately sprung upwards to sit on your legs.
âAs if! You would probably maul me in your sleep before any monster would even get a chance to reach me.â You answered quickly, your body turning toward the salon where he slept, your eyes meeting MCâs, shining with mirth in the darkness. You heard an exaggerated gasp from him, and you imagined how he probably looked right now: gripping his shirt right on top of his chest in a gesture feigning hurt.
âYou wound me. I would protect you with all I have, my Evol, my Fleet, my annoying little sisterââ
âJerk!â
ââFrom any harm the flying sharks would want to cause you.â You laughed quietly, and you felt the tension in your shoulders slowly dissolving. MCâs faux-offended expression, along with his soft voice were doing a great job at melting the irrational fear you felt in your chest after the movie.
A second passed; then two, maybe three, while your eyes were looking through the huge glass walls, following the clouds that were drifting languidly outside. A sigh left your lips, and your hand squeezed that of MC, who was laying beside your sitting body, her eyes already closed. And when their laughs died down entirely, their breaths slowly evening out, preparing for a good nightâs sleep, thatâs when you decided to add one more thing.
âLaugh at me all you want, but itâs your fault for living so high up in the clouds, where all the flying sharks in the world have us literally handed to them on a silver platter. But fine, I donât care anymore, eat up you little motherfuââ
âOh my godââ
His bubbly laugh echoed loudly, bouncing off of the walls, filling the rooms, breaking the tranquil atmosphere that had fallen not so long ago. His sisterâs body shook with laughter right next to yours, wide smile now present on your lips. Your silly joke landed exactly how you wanted it to landâconcealing the fear still nestled inside you, simmering delicately just beneath the surface of your smile. Which was, despite their assumptions, not only caused by the abominations presented in the movie.
The enormous clouds, surrounding you from everywhereâthat was what truly bothered you. The vastness and uncertainty of the sky which stretched out before you, visible through the glass walls, its eerie silence making the little hairs on your nape stand straight.
Sleepovers at Calebâs place, which had happened occasionally ever since he moved to Skyhaven to studyâand continued even after he became a Farspace Colonelâwere something you had already got used to and looked forward to. But the location of his apartment, the surroundings and their quietness, the strangely uneasy privacy and stillness, especially at nightâthat was what made you so scared every time you were here.
You never told them about your little fear; you didnât want to cause problems, especially when they were both so happy whenever the three of you found enough time for a sleepover, and Calebâs place was perfect for accommodating all of you. Besides, you had your best friend, a literal Hunter, close to you, and Calebâs presence right behind you, just a wall away. Your mind knew that you were safe, it was just your body that was having second thoughts in a form of occasional shivers and quickened heartbeat.
Thatâs why it always striked you whenever he seemed to notice your concealed discomfort, which this time happened an hour after you said your good nightâs. Mcâs breath was already calm and steady, yours far from it, unwanted thoughts and the feeling of uncertainty making you lose your precious hours of sleep.
You heard him first: his calm steps, quiet breath. You saw him second: his head peeking through the door frame, eyes wide open, not clouded with sleep, landing straight on yours. His body approached the bed frame, and he crouched slowly by your side, a small smile adorning his lips. And you felt him at last: his huge, warm hand searched for yours under the covers, and proceeded to hold it gently, his thumb caressing the back of your knuckles in a comforting gesture. You were familiar with such touches, both him and his sister were touchy-feely ever since you remember. So you reciprocated his smile, tiredness clutching to your lashes, yet mind still refusing to rest.
âAre you okay? I heard you tossinâ and turninâ.â He whispered, whether to avoid waking his sister up or to not disturb your precious moment, you werenât sure. You met his beautiful, sparkling eyes, which always made your stomach twist with longing, and you already started to feel better. His gaze was so gentle, so earnest that your heart decided to switch the reason of its rapid beating from fear to a complete adoration.
You were laying on your side, a pillow warm underneath your cheek, and your hand squeezed his in an answer to his worry. You noticed that his hands were dry and rugged, but so pleasantly warm. And so were your cheeks, their color fortunately hidden from his watchful eyes behind the curtain of the darkness.
âYeah, donât worry. Iâm just a little uneasy, thatâs all.â Which wasnât exactly a lie, but his eyes were giving you skeptical signals as if he knew exactly what you were hiding.
The truth that the sky and space scared you, when he was the one who was constantly covered by the clouds, was always embarrassing to admit out loud. And thankfully, he never pressed you to do it.
Instead, he hummed, his chin resting on the edge of the bed, his eyes landing on your clasped hands, thumb sliding through your fingers back and forth. You knew he had no idea, but that slight touch was enough to make you shiver, your heart filled with unspoken, overwhelming emotions towards the one who was supposed to just be your best friend.
âBut you know you can always come to me, right? The couch is really cozy and maybe you would feel safer there, somehow. Aaand, Iâm much bigger than her. More comfortable too, Iâm sure.â Your lips turned up in a smile, and your eyes closed for a second, trying to focus on calming your heart down. When you finally opened them, he was looking right at you with an unreadable expression. His face seemed to get closer to yours too, most likely unknowingly.
From such proximity you could see the freckles that covered his face like small specks of cosmic dust, that you have always longed to trace with your fingers. His eyes were also a sight to behold, even in the darkness they shined so brightly, violet mixed with a hint of a sunset, always so full of wonder and awe, looking right back at you. He was so handsome, even covered only by the moonlight, when you always thought that a warm sunlight suit him best.
âWeâre not kids anymore, Caleb. Sleeping in the same bed would be a little bit weird, donât you think?â He scoffed under his breath, and you bit your lip, not wanting your true emotions to appear on your face. Desperate to not let him know how much youâd like to join him, to fall asleep resting in his embrace.
âI donât.â His reply instant, a sure whisper, accompanied by a slight shift of his head. His hair looked so soft, the strands falling into his eyes, making you want to reach out and fix them. His faint freckles seemed to flicker, once again catching your attention, teasing you to give each one of them a small kiss. But you knew that you didnât have the right to. âBesides, weâre friends. You know I would never touch you or anything. Youâre safe with me.â
These exact words echoed through your mind months later, a memory fresh and vivid, the only one you could think of when your heart wanted to beat straight out of your chest.
I would never touch you.
You remembered him saying, on that day that was supposed to be like any other, yet MC cancelled on you at the last moment. You were already drinking boba next to the relaxed Caleb, leaving you two alone for the first time in what felt like forever. An emergency mission, was her excuse, and although you were upset that she couldnât make it, the happiness of finally being able to spend some time with Caleb, whom you missed just as much, was enough to raise your mood back up.
I would never touch you.
That sentence swirled inside your head, hours after you both went out for a hotpot, sharing a meal filled with laughter, catching up on nothing and everything all at once. You always had fun together, the years of friendship formed thanks to MC made you comfortable with one another, the banter teasing but affectionate, the atmosphere warm and familiar. Later you went for a walk in the park, searching for squirrels, and sending MC pictures of every single one you managed to spot with a short caption âYouâ. After that, you also stopped at the arcade to play with claw machines for some time: you managed to win a small cat plushie for MC, while Caleb gave you a similar one he got for you when you werenât looking. And then, after the sun had long since set, you went back to his placeâin the same way you always did when meeting up in Skyhaven. But this time, you two were completely alone.
I would never touch you.
And yet, by heavens, you thought that after that night there wasnât any place on your body he left untouched. Not when he was paying such a close attention to you, his hands wandering absolutely everywhere, accompanied by his shaken breaths and whispers full of worship and wonder.
You werenât sure who kissed whom first, your mouths connecting unexpectedly, meeting right in the middle, the movie you put on a while ago still playing in the background. The flakes of popcorn scattered everywhere around you; the bowl had fallen from your hands, so desperate was he to pull you to himself the moment he dared to push his tongue past your lipsâuncertainly at firstâonly to feel how quickly you accepted him.
You were almost dizzy with happiness of finally having him this close, touching at his hair, neck, shoulders, waist. He was holding you in his arms tightly, squeezing your waist, while you sat comfortably on his crossed legs, lips sealed to his. But suddenly, your head became heavy the moment the gravity of the situation pulled you down. You pushed him away, pressing your hands to his broad shoulders.
You parted with a gasp, your breath uneven, cheeks burning with embarrassment.
He didnât look any better, if his equally red cheeks and tousled hair were any indicator. His slightly chapped lips chased after yours, eyes lidded and brows furrowed when he felt the loss of your warmth.
âCâCaleb, wait, stop, what on earth are we doingââ You tried to reason, your legs struggling to stand, your heart uncertain what it truly meant to him. A panic overtook you, your true feelings suddenly out in the open, composure lost in a moment of weakness. You remember meeting his eyes in the room lit only by his TV, his head already turned your way, closer than it ever was before. Thatâs all it took; the sudden closeness, his intense, lingering gaze and hand reaching your way, for you to start making rush decisions.
He didnât let you escape. In one quick motion you were grabbed by your arms and pushed back into his chest. His hands softly squeezed the flesh, his head fell onto your shoulder listlessly. Dark hair brushed at your neck when you heard his shaky breaths, his body trembling under the touch of your fingers, which now rested on his torso. They were the only barrier keeping you from melting entirely into his embrace.
âNo, pleaseâplease. Donât go.â He choked out, his voice pained, his forehead nuzzling up to the juncture between your shoulder and neck. His lips touched your neck, and you gasped. âDonât go. Donât run away from me. Please.â A quiet plea, which made you close your eyes in an attempt to finally think; think of the reason it happened, think of the ways in which it would affect your friendship, think of what it truly meant for him.
Afraid that the answer would hurt you.
Your head suddenly felt too heavy for your body, mind spiraling with possible answers, when you heard his voice once again, loud and certain against your heated skin.
âI dreamed of thisâOf youââ He nuzzled at your neck, sending a shiver throughout your whole body, your chest squeezing, the implication slowly uncovering into something crystal clear. âOf holding you. Touching you, like thisââ His fingers started a gentle trial up your spine and you pressed your body closer to his on impulse. His left hand buried in your hair, softly touching your scalp, and he finally lifted his head to meet your gaze. He looked ruined; eyes glossy and eyebrows scrunched in an image resembling an anguish. His eyes were shifting between yours and your lips, which you were biting in uncertainty. âFor so, so long, you have no idea how Iââ
âCalebââ
âLet me. Let me kiss you one more time, just once.â The last word a desperate whisper, his eyes stuck on your lips, his head getting closer and closer with every second, as though he psychically couldnât help himself. He cupped your cheek and placed his thumb on your bottom lip, pulling it from the confines of your teeth, his touch feather-light. A quiet grunt left him and he met your eyes again, your hands going to grab him by the shoulders to gain more balance. You were getting dizzy, his proximity maddening, his touches and honeyed words overwhelming. âI was always scared to be alone with you like this, and this is the reason. I knew that the moment you let me, I will continue to take, take, takeâŚâ He closed his eyes, his forehead falling onto yours, your heavy breaths already mingling. The hand on your cheek started shaking, but a calloused thumb never stopped caressing your skin. âYou can say ânoâ to me. You can say ânoâ alright? Justâplease. Please say somethinâ. Anything. Youâre so quiet and itâs killinâ me hereââ
âIâI want the same thing. Caleb, Iââ You finally breathed out, your eyes half opened, lowered to look at his chest, where laid a necklace you and MC gave him quite a while ago, before his first trip to Skyhaven. That memory appeared behind your lashes, along with MCâs face, the image making you halt momentarily. âOh God, but what about MC? Wouldnât she be weirded out when we suddenlyââ You flinched again, and this time he caught you instantly, his big hands reaching for yours, pressing them into his forehead like a prayer, then huffing out a low laugh.
âShe knows. She figured me out ages ago.â You didnât hide your surprise, your heart beating so quickly you thought it will beat straight out of your chest. âYou donât have to worry about anythinâ, alright? If only you feelâYou fell the way I do, then Iââ
âAgesâŚ?â The word stuck inside your head, the implications making your eyes sparkle. He lowered your hands to rest flat on his chest, and you felt itâthe thump of his heart matching yours, a rapid, uneven beat that could only mean one thing.
âAges.â He answered surely, his violet eyes glued entirely to yours, his hand covering your palms. And when he nudged your nose with his, silently asking for permission, you found that you didnât have any reason to refuse him anymore.
Not when you wanted him just as passionately.
Your lips met his again in a kiss so intense it was nearly bruising, your hands going over his neck, your mouth swallowing down his sigh of contentment. His hands quickly found their way under your t-shirt; grabbing and holding, caressing and squeezing everywhere he could touch.
I would never touch you.
And yet he did. He did and continued throughout the whole night, his hands never leaving your body, his lips almost permanently sealed to your soft skin, the quiet laughs and whispers of reassurance filling the entire room, your body almost floating even without his Evol, lifted by the feelings of finally being accepted. Of loving and being loved in return.
âYouâre perfect. Perfect for me. I have seen countless sunsets above the clouds, and you are far more beautiful than any of them. Absolutelyââ He choked out, his slow thrusts making you see stars, his sculpted body covering yours completely, mindful not to crush you in the process. His movements slightly awkward at times, totally inexperienced but you didnât mindâit was your first time too, after all.
You had boyfriends before, but the relationships never lasted long. He was the first one you managed to open up to. The first one you were able to trust fully, the only man you ever loved. So how could you ever think of doing it with someone else?
ââmagnificent. I canât believe I get to have you like this⌠IâAhâI still think that I must be dreaminâ, what if I wake up and youâll disappear? Thatâs how it always was. A lucid dream, a cry for even a scrap ofâof your attention, and now youâreââ Your hands were gripping his biceps, leaving half moons in the glistening skin. Soft sighs were escaping your lips, along with the tears streaming down your cheeks, whether from the intensity of your feelings or the tight way he fit inside you, you werenât sure. You closed your eyes and let him press more kisses along your shoulder and neck, cheek and lips, the very same ones to which he continued to speak his praises. âAnd now you are beneath me, f-fuckâUtterly beautiful. The best thing that ever happenâ to me, I knew that I was doomed ever since I met youââ You moaned his name and he smiled, his lips landing on your wet eyelashes, kissing the tears that had yet to come out. His lips were softer now, entirely covered in your chapstick, tasting of sweet apples and something that you already recognized as undeniably him. There was a hand placed under your back, bringing you even closer to his body, his hips moving more steadily, mouth attacking your breasts, making you shiver in pleasure. His hands were going up and down the sides of your body, a gentle touch, meant to bring comfort.
âCalebâplease. Faster, I canât, I needââ Your hands went to grab his hair, pulling at the strands, making him moan, his body shaking. He looked at you as with so much adoration you thought you were dreaming.
âOkay, okayâMmmâI got you. IâI got you, darlinâ, I always got you. But if it was up to me I would have you like this the whole night long.â He lifted you up in a way that you were now straddling his thighs and sat down, not stopping his thrusts, his hands resting on your waist. Every single indication of inexperience he made up in passion, desperation and enthusiasm, always putting your pleasure above everything else. You opened your mouth in another gasp, his hips rutting into you without stopping, his arms circled around your body, refusing to let you get away even for a second. Not that you ever wanted to leave the safety of his hold. âI got you, my sweet girl. And will never let you go, never. Youâre so adorable, so clever, so so kind and precious, you areââ
ââAnnoying and too clingy to be honest. When you get to know her better, that is. Sooo, going after her would be a total waste of time, then.â
A quiet gasp, torn out of you suddenly, violently.
Unexpectedly.
You froze, your heart stopping, along with your hand which was already raised to push open the door to Calebâs room. His voice, even though muffled by the door, was still perfectly distinguishable to you, having heard it even in your dreams by now.
You only came back for your makeup bag, which you had hastily left at his place this morning, the night after your moment of closeness, having overslept for work. You only managed to kiss his adorable sleeping head goodbye, wear the clothes from the day before and run through his door, smile not coming off of your face the whole day long, despite the slight soreness in your limbs.
It was reminiscent of your night together; thatâs why it didnât bother you. The night that was supposed to change everything for the better, the night that your feelings turned out to be reciprocated.
Or so you thought.
You knew that he was having a boysâ nightâhe told you during your hangout the day before, how excited he was to finally reunite with some of his college friends, after Gideon managed to get a hold of everyone. But you still hoped to quickly collect your things, maybe steal a small kiss or two.
You just hoped to see him again, even for a moment.
A second, nothing more.
You only wanted toâ
âAnd sheâs kinda afraid of flying, sooo not exactly a good girlfriend material for a pilot, guys.â His laugh, although a little nervous, made the crack in your heart spread further. âIf she werenât my lil sisterâs friend, I wouldnât wanna pay her any mindââ
Crash.
Loud and echoing, pierced through the living room where you were standing, your hands shaking. One hand went straight to cover your mouth, which opened in utter disbelief.
At first you thought it was the sound of your heart breaking; exploding into millions and millions of pieces, from the way it squeezed painfully in your chest upon hearing the words undoubtedly coming out of his mouth. You nearly screamed in anguish, the scenes from the night before appearing in your mind, the wonderful things he said to you reverberating inside your ears, the ghost of his touch still lingering on your skinâhis rugged hands so soft, so gentle, the touch loving, worshipping so whyâ
âWhoâs there?â His uncharacteristically harsh voice reached your ears but you had no idea what was happening. You felt as if you were underwater, all sounds quieted down, your body moving in slow motion.
You looked at your feet and saw your makeup scattered before you, the actual source of the crashing sound, coming from the small bottles hitting his apartment floor. Your hands apparently too shaky, too numb to hold the makeup bag after hearing his words. A dagger to your heart would hurt less, you thought, your vision getting blurry, your legs taking a few steps backwards, the movement awkward, your body suddenly too heavy for you to move.
Why did you come back? Why were you here? Why did you need to hear such things coming from the same mouth that had whispered sweet nothings to your ear for hours on end, not even a day before?
You raised your head abruptly, tears staining your cheeks now, when you heard rapid footsteps coming from the other side of the door. The ones you would recognize absolutely everywhere.
You choked down a sob and bolted straight for the door, your shaky hands fumbling with the lock for a secondâenough to give him time to process the situation at hand, to connect every single dot, to notice your makeup sprawled on the floor and maybe your pathetic little teardrops lying among it.
Thatâs what you were. Thatâs who you made yourself to be. A pathetic little fool, for kissing him, opening up to him, giving so much to him in such a short amount of time when in reality all he thought of you wasâ
âNo. No. Oh, no, no, no, no, fuck, fuck, please, wait, no!â You heard him shouting your name the moment you opened the door and bolted for the elevator. You did not bother closing the door, he already knew that you were there just a second before. He already realized what you heard, even though the true meaning of his words still felt like a fever dream, a nightmare that was unfolding right before you, painful and so, so, unbearably cruel you feared you will pass out the moment your eyes met his face.
You needed to get out of there. You needed to go outside, to breathe, to find the air he stolen from you so suddenly.
Fortunately, the elevator was waiting for you, a spec of light in the darkness of the situation, and you jumped right in, your hand frantically pressing the close button over and over again, even faster now that you heard him running down the hallway to reach you.
Ironically, this time, the luck was on your side.
His shadow was the only thing you could see before the door closed, cutting him off completely. The echoing thump of his fists hitting the surface of it made you flinch.
âNo! Fuck! No, no, please!â
Your name reached your ears, desperate, panicked.
But you were already on your way down, tears falling freely, your hands squeezing at your collar, at the material covering your chest, at anything you could reach just to lessen the pain of your heart breaking. Your knees shaky, threatened to give out but you were holding onto the knowledge that he was still following you, and you absolutely couldnât let him catch you. Thatâs why, you refused to let yourself break before you were sure that you were somewhere safe.
And it paid off. You miraculously managed to ascape from him, that day.
And many, many days after that.
* 50+ messages from [ ur caleb!<3 ] *
âď¸ please, let me explain myself. I can only imagine what youve heard and I need you to listen to me, please.
âď¸ what I said wasnât true. everything youve heard was a big fucking lie and I need to tell that to your face, you have to believe me.
âď¸ please donât do this to me, I know that I deserve it but you have to hear me out, please.
âď¸ answer me.
âď¸ I beg you, give me anything. I need to know youre safe. I canât locate your phone is it turned off? I donât know if youre safe. please.
âď¸ its torture. its my fault I need to see you and tell you everything just let me see you. let me find you.
âď¸ I need to find you.
âď¸ I miss you.
âď¸ I need you, donât leave me in this loneliness any longer, I will do anything. anything to earn your forgiveness, even if i have to work my whole life for it I will, even if you say that you donât ever want to see me anymore I will stay out of your sight, I just need to tell you the truth, I need to see you and tell you what I really feel, not that awful lie youve heard me saying I wish I could turn back time and scrape these disgusting words out of my mouth.
âď¸ I will do anything for you. I will do anything for only a second of seeing you, I will fulfill your every wish, every desire and unspoken craving just for a second of your time, for a chance to say that Iâm sorry.
âď¸ It ruins me, the thought that you may still think that what you heard me saying was true, you are not reading my messages and you probably still think that I meant it. Iâm going insane, Iâm losing my mind, I need you. I need to see you.
âď¸ I searched for you everywhere and I still havenât found you, but I wonât stop, I will never stop searching for you even if it kills me, even if you will be the last thing I see, I will find you.
âď¸ baby, please. sweetheart. my treasure. please let me explain myself. where are you? where havenât I searched yet? how did you manage to escape me?
âď¸ you know me too well, thatâs how. you knew where I will be looking for you and you took advantage of that, my smart girl.
âď¸ but this one time, I wish you made a mistake. even a small one, a millisecond long. because Iâm waiting and Iâm ready to find you. and I will find you. you know me and how stubborn I am. I will never stop looking, you have to come back at some point. and i will get to you before that. I promise. wait for me.
Three weeks have passed since you last saw Calebâthe memory of his betrayal still fresh, and the wounds he inflicted on your heart with his cruel words still open and bleeding.
But the tears were no longer staining your cheeks, and a mere thought of him didnât make you panic anymore. At least, not when you knew that he wouldnât be able to find you here.
After you left his apartment that day, you knew that he would search for you, taking into account his desperation to catch you when you were running away. Yet you couldnât bear to look him in the face, not after what happened between you, and how humiliated he made you feel.
You thought that he felt the same, that maybe he loved you, but it seemed that he was just playing with your feelings. That you mustâve been an easy target. And you just couldnât believe it, no matter how frequently you repeated the things he said in your mind, both to you during the night and the to his friends during the day. You knew him ever since you were children, his presence constant in your life, even if you were not seeing each other that often after he relocated to Skyhaven. He was always there for you, and for MC, no matter what happened, his care and friendship something you got used to long time ago.
If she werenât my lil sisterâs friend, I wouldnât wanna pay her any mind.
Was your friendship always only a huge lie? Were you unknowingly only a burden, a nuisance that he had to put up with, because of your friendship with his sister?
And that night, when he was holding you so gently, treating you with such kindness and devotion, whispering the things you dreamed about hearing from him for so long, was it also something he did just because you were easy to manipulate? The easiest choice, a familiar body to satisfy his needs with?
And God, did he know about your true feelings before all of it went down?
You shook your head, trying to stop another train of thoughts, fighting with yourself not to break down in tears again. You came here not only to temporarily run away from him, you also wanted to take your time and relax, to calm the storm brewing inside your head, to survive that heartbreak and breakdown on your own terms, without anyoneâs nagging or judgmental stares. Without others telling you what you were supposed to feel.
You fixed your sunhat, the slight wind making your hair gently caress your face, and you went down from the ladder, a basket full of fresh cherries hanging from your arm. You sighed, the fresh air and the smell of fruit filling your nose trills, reminding you that you were far, far away from Skyhaven and Linkon, the places that held too many painful memories.
Here, you were safe, because no one knew about your little, peaceful gateway, which was long ago introduced to you by one of your distant cousins. It was a peaceful little plot of land, belonging to one of your family members, a place they visited occasionally, usually in the summertime. And now, that small house in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by the trees of fruit, fields of flowers and tranquil atmosphere were exactly what you needed to get back on your feet.
You took a sick leave from work for a whole month, and you were planning to use that time to soften your dark thoughts and harden your skin before the gravity of the situation and its consequences met you upon your return to Linkon. Before you would have to inevitably face Calebâthe one you were trying to avoid at all costs.
âHere you are, auntie.â You approached her crouched figure, her hands paused in their strawberry picking, and she looked up at you with gratitude in her eyes.
âThank you sweetie, you helped me so much.â She answered and stood up, taking off her gloves and stuffing them into the pocket of her baggy jeans, covered in strawberry juice and grass. A huge smile lit up her face, and you couldnât help but return one just as bright, shaking your head.
âOh, please, thatâs the least I can do. I should be the one thanking you for letting me stay here.â You fixed your hat once again and went up to a bucket filled with rainwater, so that you could wash the cherries from your skin. âI havenât known such peace in a long time, really. The air is so refreshing, the scenery so beautiful, and Iâm visiting the orchard everyday. I probably ate half of your crops by now, like some kind of a pest.â
âOh, stop it!â She playfully swatted your butt with a rug, and you giggled, snatching it from her to use it to dry your hands. âYouâre always welcome here, you know that. Besides, you are a huge help with harvesting fruit each week. I always bring my boy with me, but as you can see, heâs nowhere in sight.â You laughed and picked up the basket with cherries again, as well as the one she was holding before. You peaked inside it and noticed that it was filled with strawberries and raspberries, a perfect amount for a snack. You opened your mouth and let her place one small strawberry inside it, the sweet juice filling your mouth, making you momentarily forget about your worries.
Everything here was just so peaceful and easy.
âItâs that age. Heâs more interested in exploring than in sitting around and picking fruit. I was a chaotic kid, too.â You answered and she sighed, your walk to her truck much shorter than you wanted it to be. You placed the baskets inside the vehicle and saw the boyâs hair from where he sat in the passenger seat. You ruffled his hair, and he appeared startled, his hand immediately reaching up to fix it, a blush spreading to the tips of his ears.
âChaotic and addicted to gaming, thatâs what he really is.â She answered as you stepped back from the truck to hug her goodbye. She offered you a ride back to the house but you decided to stay in the orchard. The sun was still far from setting, and you wanted to read under the tress and snack on the fruits for a while longer.
You also remembered to thank her for delivering your letter to MC last week, in which you told her that you were safe, and apologized for not reaching out to her sooner, explaining that you will be back after some time alone. You decided to restrain from mentioning that you had to turn off your phone the moment you escaped from Calebâs apartment, knowing damn well that if you didnât, he would be able to track your location without any issue. You knew him and his little tricks like the back of your hand, or at least, thatâs what you thought before everything that happened recently.
You were already waving goodbye to them, when it happened.
The boy opened the car door and handed you something, his small hands quick and secretive. Your eyes opened wide, and your smile faltered instantly, recognizing the weight.
âSorry for taking it, mom never lets me take mine and I get so bored here⌠But I charged it for you!â He said your name and looked at you apologetically, his round eyes shining excitedly. You gulped, your mouth opening slightly, struggling to find your voice. âYou can delete the game now. Oh, and you got a loooot of messages, are you, like, famous?â He asked in a hushed tone, then flinched when the aunt called out to him. He hugged your waist tightly, clearly thankful for your unintentional lending of possession, and went back to the truck, his small hand waving at you through the window until they disappeared from sight, turning onto the main road.
Leaving you by yourself, speechless, your hands full of something you avoided like fire throughout your stay here. The only thing that could betray your location.
A phone.
The one you intentionally turned off and left on the bedside cabinet inside the house.
Your phone.
A device that was Calebâs only way of tracking you, now lit up after weeks of lying unused, for the purpose of your escape.
âNo way, no, no, no, no.â You mumbled, your shaking hands going straight to turn it off, the device turning black again, your panicked gaze staring back at you from its small screen. You closed your eyes and hugged the phone to your chest, praying that it hadnât been turned long enough for him to track you. For him to notice. âYouâve got to be kidding me. Not now, please. Not yet.â
You werenât ready to face him yet. You didnât know if you ever would, but you definitely werenât ready right this instant, your heartbreak still fresh, your heart too weak to feel this much again.
You looked around slowly, taking in the the sight of the orchard and the endless expanse of the field, calm, steady and sunny, just the way it was during the weeks youâd been here. A gentle wind carried the strands of your hair behind you, the sunhat protecting your head from the light of day. You put the phone slowly inside the pocket of your shorts and began the long path back to the house, your plans of a leisure reading session long forgotten.
It was completely quiet, almost too quiet, but there was no one in sight. You had no idea if he had managed to track your location, or if he was even still looking for you. Maybe he decided to let go, you comforted yourself, even if you knew him well enough to realize how stubborn he could be. You just hoped that maybe if he truly didnât care for you, he would leave you alone.
The wind intensified, and so did your steps. The house still not yet visible, the long way back made you anxious. You wanted to be inside already, lock yourself up, just in case he really waited for your slip up.
You huffed a small, nervous laugh under your breath the moment you felt the wind biting into the exposed skin of your arms, the temperature dropping, making goosebumps appear on your skin. You bit into your bottom lip and quickened your pace, your heartbeat already pulsing inside your ears, your mind trying to convince you that it was just a coincidence.
But when the wind blew away your hat, you didnât turn back to fetch it.
Instead, your stride broke into a full-blown run, your legs moving in a panicked frenzy, your hair flying behind you freely. Your lungs and eyes already burned the moment the aircraft appeared in your peripheral vision, its shape and size so unmistakably matching those from the Farspace Fleet that you wanted to laugh at your brain for still hoping is wasnât.
You heard it nowâthe deafening roar of it descending onto the field not far from youâand you cursed under your already ragged breath, knowing he mustâve already seen you. There was no one else in sight, after all.
You hadnât stopped running. The house was twenty minutes away on foot, and if you were fast enough, you could make it before he caught up with you. The plane had already landed, and you didnât have the courage to look back to see ifâ
âHey! Wait!â The shout of your name pierced the wind in your ears, and a weak groan escaped you. He was close, too close if you were able to hear him, his voice bringing back all the memories from that day. Of comforting closeness, then cruel confession said so surely behind your back.
Every single muscle ached, but you didnât stop running, you couldnât stop running. The house was already there, peeking from behind the trees, and if only you could reach it in time, you would just lock the doors and regain your false sense of freedom for a while longer.
âStop runninâ away from me! Please!â
âStopâStop chasing me!â You screamed, the emotions built up inside of you finally having their outlet. âLeave me alone, I donâtâI donât want to see you, IâI donâtââ
âJust talk to me! Let me explainââ He was getting closer, and your body was growing weaker, your legs moving seemingly only by the sheer force of your will.
âI donât want to talk to you!â A sob almost escaped your lips, the knowledge and fear that he was this close to you again making panic squeeze at your chest. You were not ready to see him yet, not ready to look at that irritatingly handsome face of his, and hear him lying without batting an eye.
âBaby, pleaseââ Closer. He was so close, just a couple of steps and he wouldnât have to shout through the wind anymore, but you didnât stop, couldnât stop.
âOh, fuck you!â You shouted right back, tears already forming in your eyes, your legs burning with extortion. How dare he call you this way, as if there was something between you, as if he cared about what happened, about the kiss, your first night, you. âDonât call me that, donât chase me like some kind of an animalâAh!â
Your run stopped abruptly, your chest heaving as you desperately tried to catch your breath. Sweat stuck to your forehead and neck, your limbs tensed, grasping for something, anything, to keep your body from floating up in the air.
Naturally, you failed. His Evol too powerful, holding you gently up in the air, your body too weak to fight back against the invisible force, so you did the only thing you could do at that moment.
You took off your shoe and threw it at him, groaning pathetically when you heard it landing in the grass.
âLetâmeâgo!â You shouted, your breath heavy after the run, body refusing to calm down. You kept your head turned away from him, unable to look even at his shadow. The knowledge he was this close to you was enough to fill your eyes with tears.
You heard his footsteps close now, his breath heavy. You closed your eyes, tears instead of falling down your cheeks, drifted away from you, the temporary lack of gravity around you taking them away.
First your heart, then your sorrowâwhat else could he steal away?
You didnât see how he stood below you, only few steps away, still wearing his Fleet uniform, looking up at your struggling frame with awe and relief. His hand reached out to catch your teardrop with his hand, the sign of your pain staining his fingers now. He brought it to his lips slowly, itching for any part of you, his brows furrowing with anguish.
âI canât. I let you escape from me once and I wonât make the same mistake again.â His breath was already calming down as he crouched to pick up your shoe, not expecting the other one flying his way, catching it with his Evol right before it hit his head. He scoffed, his laugh sad and full of disbelief, as he let it fall right in front of his face.
âYou coming here was a mistake.â He grit his teeth as he heard your poisonous words, spoken in a teary tone. He looked up at you again and his breath hitched. Your drifting body was surrounded by your teardrops, swirling around you and reminding him just how much pain he caused you by his own selfishness. âMe believing in your sugary words was a mistake. Me kissing you was a mistake, God, our whole night together was aââ
âDonât.â His harsh voice cut through the air, silencing you at once. âFinish that sentence. I donât wanna hear it.â
âWhy? You said you wanted to talk so letâs talk.â With your back still turned to him, your hands swatting at your flying teardrops, his audacity to use his Evol on you making you see red. âLetâs talk about how you tricked me. How you made me believe that we were friends, that I could count on youââ
âPleaseââ
âThat I maybe, maybe meant something more to you. Because it turned out that you were feeding me lies for yearsââ
âThatâs notâŚâ
âYouâYou made me believe you liked me, and then you⌠You took advantage ofââ
âQuiet!â He nearly growled, his harsh voice echoing in your ears, the tone unfamiliar, instantly making you flinch. The Evol with which he held you up faltered, shaking your body, making a quiet squeal come out of your mouth. For a second there, you thought that he will let you fall right into the ground, but the impact never came.
You finally looked at him, scared and stunned by his outburst. He stood there, eyes clouded and distant, arms hanging loosely at his sidesâ one hand gripping his hatâboth of them shaking equally.
And just when you thought you had imagined his expression darkening, you noticed the clouds shifting faster, the sky growing darker.
A thunder stroke in the distance, forcing the hair on your nape stand straight.
âT-Thatâs how you think youâll solve this? By force? By scaring me?â Your voice wavered, your fear slipping right through your confident facade. âIâI donât take orders from you, Colonel. You will not intimidate me into anything. I donâtâI donâtââ More tears floated around you, your vision blurred, fear mixing with the feeling of helplessness.
He whipped his head, finally grasping the reality upon hearing how you addressed him. And when your eyes finally met, both equally red-rimmed, tired and pleading, he felt as if something in him broke.
Because while he was pleading for a chance to be redeemed, you, on the other hand, for him to stay out of your sight.
âIâm sorry, I shouldnât have raised my voice. Please, donât be scared, Iâmââ Another plea, another apology, another way for him to mess with your mind, you thought. And you were scared, tired and hurt, lacking the energy for that conversation. Not knowing how to go about this, not being sure if there was anything that he could say that would fix this.
You were too shaken to listenâlet alone react logically. Too unprepared to see his familiar face again so soon, to hear the voice that once offered you refuge for years, but now hurt you more deeply than you ever thought it could. Even the touch of his Evolâonce used to help you, to ease your burdens, to cheer you up with his silly little teasingâwas now a weapon. A way to trap you. To make you feel small. Helpless beneath the weight of his power.
It was not going well at all, both of you clearly too emotional, incapable of having a normal conversation. You werenât prepared, but you noticed that he wasnât either, his mental state unsteady, mind locked on one thing and one thing onlyâto catch you and never let you out of his sight again.
It was no way of resolving anything. And you really didnât want to get hurt even moreânot by his words, nor by the things you wanted to scream at him, rage tangled with fear, creating a poisonous mix that placed the most hurtful of things at the tip of your tongue.
You didnât want to use them. Saying them out loud to him would break your heart in the process too.
âLet me go. Please. Iâm not ready yet, Iââ You closed your eyes, and the first drops of rain fell onto your warm skin. âI donât want to talk. I canât talk. Justâlet me be. We will have to have this conversation at some point. And I know that. BâBut for now just. Please, Caleb.â Your eyes full of tears met his, and he opened his mouth just to close it again, the sight of them rendering him speechless. The pleading, hurt look in them seemed to get him out of the trace. âLet me go.â
His breath hitched when you didnât break eye contact. There was pain in your eyes, but also unwavering resolve. You kept looking at him with those radiant, exquisite eyes of yours, and thatâs when he knew: he had lost this battle.
He slowly lowered you down, holding back tears when you refused to accept his hand to steady yourself. Then he bit his lip, his hands shaking, clenching into fists while he was forced to watch you run from him again, battling his desire to chase after you.
You said that you will have to talk at some point, and he believed you. He took your words and cling to them like a lifeline, a reason for him not to lose his hope. He would be patient, he could be patient, he had already waited for you for so long, he didnât mind waiting some more. At least now he knew you were safe. Now he could protect you.
And he knew that the war to win you back had only just begun.
The heavy rain spattered against the windows, its sound echoing through the house, easing your shaken nerves and slowly lulling you to sleep.
A lightning struck in the distance, brightening the whole room. You rose quietly, waiting for the sound of thunder. Eyes closed, breathing evened out after what felt like eternity.
More raindrops hit your window, pushed violently by the wind as you stood, wrapping yourself in your huge, knitted cardigan, sinking your cold, shaking fingers into the thick, soft material.
He came here, for you.
A fact that you couldnât shake for hours now, the weather outside an embodiment of what was happening inside your head. He came for you, the moment he managed to get your location, desperate, oh so desperate to talk, to explain, to repent, and you were left absolutely torn.
Because in your mind, you had already started seeing him as the bad guy, that thought a constant companion through these long weeks, your main coping mechanism. And now? He came here, looking anguished and miserable, his face thin and eyes redâa picture of a man in despairâand he was ready to drop everything just for a second of your time.
Which you didnât give him. And thatâs what kept you awake.
Your hand reached for the light switch but in vain. The storm that had lasted for hours mustâve cut the power some time ago, and you accepted it quickly. Your eyes had long since adjusted to the darkness, and you didnât want to give any sign that you were awake either. You didnât want to give Caleb false hope, knowing his aircraft still stood on the empty field, exactly where he had landed it hours ago.
You knew he wasnât asleep either, not if he was as apologetic as he seemed to be. You shouldâve listened to him, maybe. And if he hadnât scared you so much, if he hadnât used his Evol or raised his voice, maybe you wouldnât have been so afraid, so defensive. Despite everything he said that fateful night, a large part of you was still curious about what he wanted to say and how he intended to explain himself.
Your deep infatuation with him, your huge soft spot for his expressive puppy eyes, his gentle, playful voice and soft dark hair, were his real weapon. You saw him, looking so devastated and your first thought was to comfort him, despite everything he had done. And you hated yourself for it, hated how much power he held over you unknowingly.
Because was there anything to explain, really? The things he said sounded pretty self-explanatory, and even the simple recollection of them made your heart squeeze painfully.
You knew youâd have to have this conversation sooner or later. He was your best friendâs brother, he used to be your best friend and you had to return to Linkon soon. He would find you then, and the conversation would have to happen either way. So wouldnât it be easier to just get it over with now and try, slowly, to move on? If moving on from that kind of heartbreak was something you were even capable of.
That was what scared you most about all of this. Caleb had been your friendâthe man you loved more fiercely than life itselfâand it had taken everything in you just to get out of bed after what you heard from him that day. And now? He had shattered your precious, tranquil solitude so suddenly, and even though you knew that you were supposed to hate himâyou should hate him, because that was the easiest way, the only way to survive the heartbreak and reclaim the part of your soul heâd so cruelly taken when he betrayed your trustâYou also knew, the moment you saw him running after you like his life depended on it, that what you felt deep inside wasnât even close to hate.
It was relief.
That he searched for you, after all. A longing, for him to somehow fix this, to tell you that it wasnât him who said these things despite the fact that it was indisputable, because you would recognize his voice everywhere, even from thousands of miles away you once thought, because of how his timbre made you feel inside. When you saw him, dressed in that stupid, stupid Colonel uniform you felt nothing but love. Love, excruciating love for someone who did not deserve it.
You were stupid, so stupid for being like this, so stupid for still thinking so fondly over the man who lied to you for years, who created a false safe space for you to drown in, who slept with you, even though he thought you were not enough for a wonderful pilot like him.
A sudden crash came from the window downstairs, making you jump in place.
You quickly ran down the stairs, your fingers brushing the wooden railing, your footsteps blending with the sound of falling rain. A cold breeze seeped through the widow, now flung wide open. The wind must have been strong enough to burst it open, and as you rushed to close it, something outside flashed in the corner of your eye.
And your heart almost stopped at the sight.
Your head turned, leaning from the window, the cool droplets hitting your skin harshly, reminding you that you were still awake, and that your eyes didnât deceive you.
Caleb was sitting right there, on the porch, leaning against the wooden beams, his head hung low, arms crossed on his chest.
And he was soaked to the bone.
Rain dripped from his hat onto his crossed arms, his posture nearly curled in on itself. His body trembled every few seconds from the cold, and the moment you realized he mustâve been standing there ever since you left himâhours ago, just before the storm rolled inâyou felt the blood rush into your head.
You left him, but he stayed right there, sitting, waiting patiently for you to come out, not knowing when it will happen. He let you go, but he never left.
âCaleb!â A sudden shout tore from your throat, laced with dread and disbelief, your hands instead of closing the window, reached for one of the blankets lying nearby. âGod, Caleb, youââ The front door bursted open and you reached him in no time, falling onto your knees before him, taking off his hat and throwing it to the side in an attempt to wake him.
He wasnât asleep. Startled, his head shot up the moment he saw you, alarmed by your sudden appearance. His eyes immediately fell to your bare legs, your sleeping shorts far too thin and short to stand against such weather, and he reached for you in a rush of panic.
âWhat are youâgo back inside, youâre goinâ to be sick!â He said alarmed and you scoffed in answer, taking notice of his wet uniform, clinging uncomfortably to his glistening skin. His hair was completely soaked too, streams of rain tracing paths down his temples and nose, the sight making you furious.
âYouâabsoluteâhypocrite!â You barked back, your hands tugging at his wet arms in an attempt to make him stand. You threw the blanket over his head first, his hand grabbing at the material, and then you began pushing him into the house. âI had no idea youâWhy did youâ?!â He raised quickly, letting you push him past the doorway, and you already felt the cold biting at your skin, the seconds spend outside enough to make you wet.
And he was sitting there for hours.
âIââ He started, but you didnât let him finish, his posture slightly slumped under the weight of the drenched uniform.
âYouâyou have a literal plane nearby, why didnât you hide in there? Itâs been raining for hours.â Words escaped you faster than you were able to form them in your head, your hands already working to remove his soaked clothes hastily. He fell completely silent, letting you ease your frustration, his eyes glued to your face. âI thought you were safe in there, I thought you already left, IâI thoughtââ The heavy material hit the floor with a loud thud, your shaking hands trying to take off the shirt he had underneath, horrified by how cold his skin was underneath your palms.
You bit your lip and sniffed, tears already streaming down your face, whether from the cold piercing at your skin, the thought of him sitting for so long, freezing outside, or from his closeness, which you were deprived of for these weeks, you werenât able to tell.
You grunted quietly, your fingers slipping from one of the buttons of his shirt, shaking too violently to take it all off. Suddenly, through your blurred vision, you saw his hands reaching for you. You felt their warmth the moment he covered yours, pressing them against his chest. His heart pounded so violently you could feel its rhythm through the wet fabric, sending a shiver down your spine.
A broken sob escaped you, the weight of reality pressing you down hard. His hands stroked your trembling arms, trying to soothe you; but it wasnât working. The stings or remorse cut through you one by one, haunted by the image of him sitting there, drenched, and cold, and shakingâ
âI didnât want you toâtoâI had no idea you were there this whole time, I thought you left tâto sit in yourââ Another sob came out stifled, because he brought you in for a hug; his hard, wet chest strangely warm and comforting. You didnât return the embrace, but stayed there, sobbing quietly, letting him drape the blanket over you both, the material somehow still dry enough to bring comfort.
âShh⌠Easy. Donât cry, okay? It was my decision to stay there.â His soft voice reached you, and another sob came out, this time right into the shirt still clinging to his chest. âI had to stay there. I couldnât leave you again. I didnât want to leave you. Iâm sorry.â He leaned down and rested his chin hesitantly on top of your head, bringing you even closer to himself. He released a long, heavy sigh, followed by a whisper of your name and another apology.
âIâm sorry.â He whispered right next to your ear, and you trembled in his strong arms.
âIâm sorry.â His hold tightening, and you hated how good it felt to have him this close again.
âIâm sorry.â His words no longer held just one meaning, and you shook your head as best you could, restrained by his tight embrace. Yet you stayed, your eyes closing, heart heavy with the knowledge that you were too weak to run away from him anymore.
The sound of the rain intensified, a thunderstorm still raging outside, and you both stayed close, Caleb cradling you to his chest, swaying gently side to side, almost lulling you to sleep. You took a deep breath, the scent of rain and him washing over you, and realized that you were ready to at least hear him out.
After you both calmed down your breaths and beating hearts, and after your bodies started warming up again, that is.
Because how can someone so warm have bad intentions? The feelings inside you were messing with your head again, and you let them, hoping you wonât regret making that decision.
Wishing, that this love wonât bring you to ruin.
The kettle began to whistle the exact moment he stepped out of the bathroom, candlelight casting his shadow across the room. Every movement danced on the walls, creating the illusion of him surrounding you from all sides. Ironic, because thatâs exactly how you felt ever since you let him back in. Your body cautious not to relax in his presence, caged by the unfamiliar weight of broken trust.
You bit your lip and began pouring hot water over the tea, waiting for the pleasant scent to reach you, hoping that it will calm your racing heartâif only for a second. Its rapid beating didnât slow down since you brought him in here willinglyâthe very man youâd successfully avoided for a whole month, dreading your next encounter, having no idea how you should act upon seeing him again.
And now there he wasâstanding behind you nervously, thinking so loudly you were almost able to hear it. Yet you stayed silent, believing that you had every right to. The awkwardness in the air wasnât your fault, after all.
Letting him inside, not being able to stand the thought of him sitting out there in the stormâthat was your doing. And you hated yourself for how easily you let your guard down, and for failing to hide the pathetic trace of love you still carried for him, even after he hurt you so deeply.
Your first encounter several hours ago didnât exactly end in the way you wanted it to: him using his Evol on you and you breaking down in tears could hardly be considered a peaceful reunion. You were both not ready to talk yet, too shaken by being in each otherâs presence after all this time. You, stubborn in your hatred. He, desperate and unraveling at the thought of loosing you again. An explosive combination, a disaster waiting to happen.
So you ran, as fast as you could from him.
And now, because you couldnât stay indifferent to his discomfort, you had nowhere to hide.
âThe clothes fit. Theyâre even a bit loose.â Calebâs light tone finally broke the silence, though the slight tremble in his voice betrayed his stress. He was as nervous as you were. âPhew, Iâm lucky your uncle isnât here today, he would totally take me in a fight. To him I would probably look like⌠a walkinâ⌠A walking stick.â Voice grew quieter with every word he spoke, and once he noticed he was rambling, he clamped his mouth shut, cussing internally.
He had always made a fool of himself when you were near, ever since the day he met you, all those years ago. Even just the sight of your turned back, the knowledge you were listening, made his head heavy with the need to impress you, and now, to make things right. He was terrified that at any moment you might lock yourself away in one of the rooms, somewhere he couldnât reach you againâand he had no idea how heâd handle it if that happened.
Suddenly, you turned to him, your eyes glued to the mugs of tea you were holding. You placed them carefully on the table in front of youâthe only piece of furniture that provided a bit of a distance you so desperately craved to have. From the corner of your eye you noticed he wasnât exaggeratingâthe black sweatpants and a white shirt seemed to be a bit loose, and you realized that his homely appearance actually made you feel a bit more at ease. Now, without his Colonel uniform to hide behind, he seemed more approachable, if not more lost.
The air of authority vanished the moment his wet suit hit the floor, leaving only an uncertain man in its wake, one who knew heâd been walking on thin ice the moment you let him into your space again.
And you just couldnât bring yourself to make him feel more welcomeâthe words he said still ringing in your ears, despite the time you spend to forget about them entirely.
âThanks for letting me stay here. And for the clothes.â He was still standing in the same spot and you still refused to meet his eyes. Your hands grabbed one of the mugs and you started blowing air to cool your tea down, thankful for that little distraction, for something warm to hold when your heart was freezing cold. âAnd I wasnât sitting there to make you pity me. If you were wondering. I wasnât tryinâ to manipulate you into anything, I justââ
âI know.â Your voice rusty from the uncontrollable sobbing from before, hands gripping the mug harder. The light from the candles was too low for you to see your reflection on the surface of the drink. Maybe it was for the best, you mustâve looked like a trembling mess, eyes puffy and lips bitten red, still shaken by the storm of emotions that had torn through you during the day. âThat, I know.â
You slowly sat on the nearest stool while he processed the meaning behind your words, still standing motionless few steps before you. You took a sipâand the warmth of the drink did nothing to soothe your nerves.
So, you waited. For something. Anything. Feeling his intense gaze on your frame, almost drilling a hole in your head, a silent prayer for you to look back at him.
You couldnât, and that broke him all over again.
âYou run away from me.â His voice trembled and your hands grabbed the mug tighter, the rain outside intensifyingâor maybe you just became aware of its sound again. âIâve searched for you everywhere. Every day. And I was loosing my mind every minute I couldnât see you.â
âDid you?â You couldnât help the venom spilling out of you, the tone mocking if it wasnât so weak. âWhy? Because of guilt? Pity? Out of obligation forââ
âGuilt? Pity? Is that what you think?â He took a step forward, and you didnât move, head held high, still not meeting his eyes. âEverything I did for you, everything I ever said to you was out ofâShitââ His hands ruffled his hair, tugging at the strands. A pause, heavy, followed by a thunder, and thenââOut of love!â The last word nearly a growl, ripped out of him suddenly, as if holding it inside brought him pain.
You froze.
A thunder roared in the distance.
And the tears filled your vision once more.
You stood abruptly, putting down the cup on the table with a loud thud, its contents spilling out, nearly burning your head. His voice calm and sure now, so sure it almost made you choke.
âOut of overwhelming love, that I have felt for you for as long as I can rememberââ
âStop.â You choked out, your head dizzy, hands shaking in fury. What was he saying? What was he evenâ
ââOut of desperation to make things right, because I couldnât bear the thought of you sitting somewhere alone, and hurting because of me, the things I said, the things I fuckinâ despise myself forââ He heard you, so he spoke much quicker, words spilling one after the other, hurting you more than you could imagine. He was getting closer to you, and you flinched, one leg already taking a step back.
He wasnât serious, he couldnât be. If he were, he wouldnât have said those things, especially not after he got to have you. It wasnât what you were prepared to hear, he was surely just messing withâ
âCaleb, please.â Not more than a whisper, a calm before the storm, your head shaking, legs feeling weak.
âI lied. I lied that day and you need to believe me. I lied because I was a coward, and I didnât know what to do, I panicked and I lied, because I love you, and theyââ
âNo, please, stop, IâI canât listen to this, it was a bad idea, Iââ With tears in your eyes you turned away and passed Caleb quickly, wanting to go back upstairs and hide: hide from his lies, from the hurt of his sudden confession, and from the way his voice sounded, so anguished and outright mad.
He didnât love you, he couldnât love you, because if he did he wouldâve told you that night, when he held you so close and whispered broken praises into your ear. He wouldâve said it then, not now, when youâd already made up your mind to cut him off, to forget the warmth of his body and the cold sting of the words you overheard.
You expected an apology, not a confession, which made and your whole facade crumble with his every word.
âNo! Pleaseââ He grabbed your hand, his touch frantic and secure, the contact and the memories it reignited made you gasp. And before you could realize what was happening, he fell down on his knees in front of you, his hands grabbing your arms, the hold strong but gentle, meant to slow you down, rather than cage.
You looked at the bare skin of his back, sticking out of the shirt, speckled with faint freckles, and noticed he looked thinner than you last saw him. Then your eyes landed on his dark hair, falling into his face freely, strands damp after the shower, but still looking so unbelievably soft.
âPlease, Iâm not lying, IâmâYou have to believe me. You have toâFuckââ
You eyes met and the time seemed to slow down.
Because you saw his beautiful, violet orbs, that always made you feel as if you were looking at the eight wonder of the world, flooded with tears for the very first time in your life.
His lips were trembling and you noticed how chapped they were, his teeth biting into them to stop himself from sobbing. You could hear the humming of your heart in your ears, your whole body shocked to stillness.
He looked absolutely torn.
And you couldnât look away; your eyes traced the path of the first tear that slipped out of his eye, down to his chin, landing in front of your bare feet.
Like an offering. A statement. The last prayer of a man who lost hope.
âIâm notâIâm not lying to you. You have to believe me, please, please.â Tears. One after the other, tracing paths on his flushed cheeks, eyes burning with sincerity, lashes wet and shiny.
You nodded slowly, a lump forming in your throat, eyes filling with tears upon the sight, but you were trying so hard to keep them at bay.
And after a sniffle, he continued, warm hands stroking your shaking arms, eyes glued to yours like a lifeline.
âI lied that day. Everything I said was a fucking lie, okay? A big, pathetic lie to save my skin, to buy me more time. I said the first things that came into my mindââ
âBut I heard you, Caleb.â You cut him off, your brows furrowing, unable to contain your confusion. âI heard you. If you really didnât mean it how could you sound so sure? You said these things without even a single thought, and you expect me toââ
âI didnât have to think! I just twistedâI think I just twisted the truthââ
âWow. TâThatâs low Caleb. Thatâs really, really lowââ And when you started to back out from his hold he grabbed you harder, his arms going to circle around your waist, his face pushing into your stomach. You gasped and before you managed to push him away, his next words made you stop.
âNo! Wait, shit, thatâs not what I meant. Donât go.â A sob escaped his lips and you took a deep breath, your hand almost reaching to caress his head. Youâve never seen him so broken and the need to comfort him was overwhelming. The sight of his tears excruciating. âI said you were clingy and you areââ Another sharp tug, but he refused to let you go. âYou are. You are clingy and thatâs okay, that perfectly fine, thatâs perfect. And I love that about you. Every time you were holding my sisterâs hand, I wished, GodâHow I wished you would hold mine instead. I wished, I prayed you would cling to me instead. Just as much as I wanted to cling to you.â He raised his head and you saw that he was telling the truth in the way his eyes gleamed, and his cheeks burned red, body trembling against yours.
And you felt your legs nearly bucking under your weight, his words making your head spin, not knowing whether you should stay offended or let him take your breath away once more.
âButâbut what about me being annoying? You saidââ
âYou loved to push my buttons ever since we were kids, you are trying to annoy me all the time, just how I try to annoy you back. But for me, every jab, every joke, it was always to catch your attention. A pitiful attempt for you to just look at me, even for a fleeting second. And it workedâMC always called us annoying because of it, remember? Thatâs why it came to me so quickly. Thatâs the only reason I said it so surely.â
He was talking so fast he nearly lost his breath, his chest heaving against you, arms still holding you close to his chest. You took a deep breath and wanted to think, to have a second to process it, the burn in your cheeks intensifying, his words actually starting to make sense, because of your usual dynamic.
But it wasnât all. It wasnât what hurt you the most.
âYou told them about my fear.â Calebâs huge, red-rimmed eyes never left yours, and you fought with yourself not to fix the strands of hair that were slightly blocking his vision. His lips formed a straight line and turned slightly downwards, making him look like a kicked puppy. And you felt your anger slowly slipping, hope filling the hole in your heart. âAnd you listed it as my fault. You took my biggest fear and embarrassed me for it, made me feel like I wasnât enough. I didnât evenâI didnât even know you noticed how scared I was whenââ
âI did. I notice everything about you. Of course I noticed.â His strong hands hugged you tighter, and a single tear slipped out of your eye. He was still kneeling before you, showing no signs of raising. âJust how I noticed that it didnât keep you from visiting me at my place, even though the stillness of the clouds terrified you to the point of loosing sleep. But itâs okay. It doesnât change a single thing for me. I only dreamed of showinâ you the view from the clouds, I hoped that I would take you up there with me one day, to show you that it doesnât have to be scary. That itâs actually beautiful, and freeing, and calm up there. Cause I would protect you, always. And if you didnât change your mind it would be fineâIt would always be fine. I would just share with you the stories âbout the things I saw. And I would be the happiest to do it.â His shaking hands reached to touch your face and wiped the tears from your cheeks, ones that you had no idea you even shed. âI never thought about it as your flaw. Never. For me, you are nothing but a wonder.â
His touch was feather-light and comforting, his hands warm and so painstakingly familiar, bringing you back to the night that changed everything. How he held you back then, as if you were something fragile, something precious.
A wonder.
A sob tore through your body and he shook his head, hushing you quietly, his hands taking a hold of yours, bringing them to his lips, pressing a kiss to every single one of your knuckles.
âThen, why? Why did you list it as one? I justâI just donât understand why, Caleb.â You cried out, one of your hands leaving his to cover your face from him. The past month of running away flashed before your eyes, making you even more tired. And although you wanted nothing more than to believe him and let yourself be held, he still didnât give you the reason for saying such things. âWhy did you even say that? If you lied, why did you do that? Why, Caleb, why did I have to hearâ?â
You were crying again, and Caleb looked at you from his knees in panic, his hands caressing your arms, spine straightening so that his head could rest against your chest. The way he hugged you so tenderly made you want to hug him back, your head fighting with your heart. Yet he still didnât give you all the answers, no matter how better the situation seemed now. You still had doubts about believing him at all.
There was a beat, or two, and he let out a deep sigh, hands gripping you tighter.
You sniffled, the word around going completely quiet, just to be disturbed by his quiet groan.
âIâm evenâIâm even embarrassed to say.â He stood up slowly, and you gulped, his size all-consuming, making him be the only thing you could see. You took a careful step back, and he took one of your hands in his hesitantly. From this position he was too stressed to hug you, opting for less intense contact, especially when your hand was still limp in his, not reciprocating the hold. He scratched at his neck, his eyes meeting yours, an anticipation visible on your features. âAnd I know that wonât make the situation better.â
âCalebââ
âYes. Yes, I knowâTheyââ A squeeze of your hand, the orange spark in his eyes shining beautifully, making your breath hitch. His hand went up to gently touch your face, fingers tracing patterns along your cheek. âThey started talkinâ bout girls that day. The boys, my friends from college.â His brows furrowed, eyes looking at your face as if searching for something there. You listened patiently, his earlier words still ringing inside your head, the gravity of them almost crushing you. âAsked me if I knew someone they could go out with. I said ânoâ. They didnât believe me, though.â His eyes narrowed, chin went down slightly in annoyance while recollecting the conversation. âThey started teasing me about MC first. Asking if I would like to have a brother, too. But then one of them mentioned you.â His eyes darkened, the hand on your cheek stopped its caress. âSaid he liked you. And that he already had your number. He was pretty confident, said something âbout you two having a connection. He said he talked with you that one time you and MC were visitinâ me in my dorm, and IâI started sweating right then and there.â
Your frown deepened but you already knew where this was going. You closed your eyes and swore under your breath, one hand covered your mouth in shock. You couldnât even remember the guy.
âAndâAnd we just slept together that night, and I finally got to hold you, caress you, kiss youâI was on cloud nine. Wasnât thinking clearly. And I wanted to tell him about us, that you were mine, but I realized that we havenât talked about it. And you werenât there when I woke upââ
âCaleb, I overslept for work, I had to leave quicklyââ
âIâm so, so sorry, but I wasnât sure. I havenât confessed to you either, I was just tooâtoo overwhelmed, I felt too much, I thought too much and I realized that I couldnât tell them youâre mine because you werenât. Not yet.â You bit your lip and looked at him in disbelief, his face getting closer. He put a strand of your hair behind your ear, and his jaw tightened. âAnd when he asked me what I thought âbout you I couldnât tell him the truth. If he knew what I felt he wouldnât let you go. They wouldnât let you go, it would only make them want you more.â
You felt your hands shaking, your mouth opening and closing, not knowing what to say. His hands were still holding yours, feeling the tremble, caressing them with his thumbs in an attempt to bring you comfort.
âBut you knew that what happened between us wasnât a one time thing. You knew how I felt about you, and if you felt the same why didnât you justââ
âI wasnât sure if youâd pick me, if you had a different choice. And at that moment, I wanted to make sure you would. That they wouldnât take you away from me. And that they would never want to again.â His hands cupped your cheeks, and you felt how rough and warm they were, your hands immediately going to hold at his wrists. He closed his eyes for a moment and you couldnât believe what he was saying.
It was all a misunderstanding. And all of this happened because he was jealous? He hurt you so much just because he didnât want others to reach out to you?
âSo you had to say all these things about me? And that was supposed to be a better alternative than lying about us being together? Caleb, it really doesnât soundââ You pushed his arms away, legs taking you further away from him, craving some space to think things through, but he followed suit, hands already reaching for you again.
âI panicked. Iâm so, so, so sorry, I didnât know what to do, I didnât know where we stood, and I had no idea if that would make a difference for them. I had to say something to discourage them. So I did.â His hands went to tug at his hair and now he was the one who took a step back, breathing louder, obviously distressed. âAnd I hated myself for it. It felt so wrong the moment it came out of my mouth and I wasnât even sure if they even believed me. And then I heard you. Fuck, when I heard youââ
A loud crash, making every single doubtful look from the boys leave Calebâs face. Grateful for a distraction, his head heavy, heart burning with the weight of his lies. But when he opened the door and noticed your makeup scattered across the floor, his heart sank to his stomach. A wave of terror froze his body for a short while, until he heard you fumbling with the front door.
He didnât even think about using his Evol, your beautiful frame running away from him enough to make him panic, the things he said hanging above his head, the knowledge that you had heard them becoming his worst nightmare.
And later, when he returned to his empty apartment after hours spend searching for you, calling you in hope youâd pick up, even by accidentâhe finally broke down. He screamed, throwing his phone against the wall, making it shatter. His Evol spiraled out of control, shifting the furniture, crashing the plates, the entire place left looking as if it had been broken into.
He lost you on the day he finally got to have you. And ever since that day, he hadnât known peace, until your phone lit up again, a single red dot glowing on his device, revealing your location.
He left the Fleet right then and there in the middle of the meeting, everything else forgotten. Every duty postponed, every shout of his name ignored.
There wasnât anything more important than you.
And now you were standing before him, as beautiful as the day he lost you, with tears in your eyes and your heart no longer open for him to take solace in. The eyes which used to look at him with mirth and affectionânow uncertain, scared of him hurting you again.
And he felt that he was at his limitâone more second away from you and he thought heâll burst into flames, the intensity of his feelings will turn him to ashes.
So, he begged.
âIâm so sorry. Please. Believe me. Take me back. Give me one more chance. Iâm so sorry I hurt you. I swear I will never to it again, as long as I live.â You flinched when he fell onto his knees again, your arms trying to catch him before his knees hit the floor, but it was useless, his body too heavy for you to hold.
âCaleb! Caleb, stop doing thatââ You grabbed his arm in an attempt to pick him up, but he was too strong, his bicep not even tightening. Goosebumps appeared on his skin under your palms and his head fell onto your arm pathetically.
And you just couldnât look at him when he acted this way, your anger dissipating, the situation although still not idealâhim lying, then saying such things behind your back, whether he meant them or not, wasnât something you could forgive him after one conversation.
Yet you couldnât bear to look at him like thatâon his knees, begging for forgiveness, crying and shaking, words slipping uncontrollably from his lips. In all the years youâd known him, this was the most vulnerable you had ever seen himâand the sight made your eyes sting. The image of the man you lovedâonce an unshakable, controlled pillar of strengthâreduced to a broken mess before you.
You now knew why he did it. And that he didnât mean it, not in the way you thought he did.
And you understood the jealousy, the anger, and the selfishness, because you had times you felt such way about him too. The image of him with another making you nauseous, the possibility of him loving someone else like a dagger cutting through your chest.
You took a deep breath, and glanced at him again. His shaking back, hands clinging to your body in an attempt to keep you close.
And you had made your decision.
âOh, CalebâŚâ
To believe him.
âCaleb, please stand up!â
To build your relationship back up again, no matter how long iâll take. And you just hoped you were making the right one.
âNâNo, you have to understand. Please. I love you. Iâm sorry. And Iâll do anything to earn your forgiveness, no matter how long it takes.â He breathed into your arm, his face snuggling into it, his head slowly rising, eyes meeting yours.
And you gasped at the anguish displayed all over his pretty eyes, two eternal sunsets clouded with misery.
âI love you. So much. I am in love with you, and Iâll do anything to prove it, Iâll spend my whole life trying to make it up to you. You want me to give you more space? Iâll do that. I will try to do that. You want me to leave the Fleet? Just say a word. I will. I will follow you to the end of space and time. You like it here? I can build you the exact same house with my own hands, brick after brick, and it would be the most beautiful, peaceful of places, you own private sanctuary. I willââ
Your knees hit the floor, joining him and you grabbed his wet cheeks in your hands, yanking his head down to meet your lips, effectively shutting him up.
And he melted.
Putty in your hands, leaning into your touch instantly, his chapped lips warm against yours, his soft sigh vibrating between your mouths. And when you broke the kiss and met his sparkling eyes, round with surprise and hope, you send him a small smile, holding back the tears that threatened to fall.
You wouldnât let them. Not anymore. Not when for the first time in weeks you finally believed that you will be okay.
It was all a huge misunderstanding. A big mistake, fueled by insecurities, secrets kept for far too long, his desperation to keep you near, no matter the means. When he spoke so rapidly, afraid youâll leave him again, you realized that wanting to keep you to himself might have been one of the few times in his life he had ever done something purely for himselfâeven if his methods were far from right.
You could see now, that behind his thick skin, and the air of countless of responsibilities, he was still just a boy that had to grow up too quickly. For MC. For you. For all of you to live as comfortably as you could, the burden of all your issues and failures always spoken to him, knowing that he will be able to help and find a solution for all of them.
And yet, he never confessed when something bothered him, his feelings and desires always bottled up inside, kept hidden and threatened to spill when it got too much for him to handle.
And that one time, when faced with the threat of someone taking you away from him, the threat of loosing you, the one he loved, he acted on instinct. He chose the option that wasnât fair, and certainly wasnât healthy, but he truly believed it could work to keep you beside him for a while longer.
He wasnât used to being selfish, so he had no idea how to start, and how to do it right.
He looked down at you through half-closed eyes, taking you in and memorizing your small smileâone he felt he hadnât seen in ages. Then he dove in for another kiss, his arms wrapping around your frame, pulling you tightly to his chest. He couldnât believe that you kissed him, his brows furrowing, wanting to make this moment last forever.
And you reciprocated every single one of his hasty kisses, your head finally freed from the questions that dragged you down.
You will work this out. You will fix this, together. And you will make sure heâll know how you feel, so that he could finally realize that he doesnât have to fight dirty battles just to keep you close. Because you would never want anyone else who wasnât him.
âCaleb-mmmh. Caleb, oh God, wait.â He reluctantly let your lips go, your lungs filling with a deep breath, and you hugged him around his waist, feeling the fast beating of his heart under your ear. He placed his shaking hand on your head, stroking your hair, placing a chaste kiss on the crown of your head.
âSorry, canât stop. Come back here, you kissed me first.â And he took your cheeks in his palms and dived in, wanting to capture your lips in his again, but you blocked his mouth with your hand, making him frown.
You giggled softly, eyes still teary, making his eyes sparkleâmesmerized by the happiness finally breaking through the walls youâd build around yourself over the past month. He kissed your fingers once, twice, his arms resting at your waist as he lost himself in the warmth of your body, and the pleasant fragrance of your skin.
He felt as though he had returned to where he truly belonged. He had finally come home.
You opened your mouth, your cheeks flushed and eyes sincere, and nothing could prepare him for what you said next, your tone soft, slightly unsure, a melody only for him to hear.
âI believe you, Caleb. But you hurt me that day so badly, I thought I would never get over that heartbreak. I thought I lost you, my best friend, the only boy I ever cared so deeply for. I thought you really hated me all this time. And I couldnât face it, couldnât even think about it, thatâs why I fled.â He nodded quickly, eyes holding so much hurt and regret. You slid one of your hands into his hair, stroking the soft strands gently. And thats when you both sat down on the warm floor, bodies relaxing, hearts slowing down. âBut itâs okay. I understand you now. And Iâm sorry too, for not letting you explain yourself sooner. I was just so focused on trying to hate you to somehow cope with what Iâve heardââ
âStop, itâs my fault, donâtââ
âI shouldnât have run away. I shouldâve faced you, even if I was scared of what Iâll learn. But it will take some time for me to forget about it, okay? It reallyâIt really messed me up. The thought you put up with me only because it was convenient.â You bit your lip and he groaned softly, his head lowering, a symphony of apologies falling from his lips once again. You hushed him gently, taking his cheeks in your hands and wiping away the wet trails of his tears. He sniffed quietly, making your heart squeeze. âBut it will be okay. Because I believe you. So you donât have to be scared anymore, I wonât run away again.â His body shook as he kept nodding, biting at his lips, trying so hard not to interrupt you. You leaned over him again, the movement slow, and you looked deep into his eyes, silently asking for permission. Once his eyelashes fluttered, eyes looking at your lips expectantly, you placed a soft kiss on his swollen ones, red from his constant biting, still salty from the tears he shed. âAnd you have to promise to be honest with me. No more tricks. No more lies.â
âI promise.â Your name escaped his lips like a prayer. âI promise. I will never hurt you again, I swear. I promise. I love you more than you could ever realize.â
He groaned into another kiss, a quiet âmmmâ followed by the touch of his hands on your cheeks. He brought you to himself closer, one kiss turning into three, four, five and still counting, yet all of them gentle and reassuring, meant to anchor, not escalate. One of his hands landed on your hip and tugged, touch meaningfulâhe wanted for you to sit in his lap, and although you were still shaken, you craved the closeness as much as he did.
You climbed onto his lap, your thighs bracketing his hips as he deepened the kiss, his tongue teasing at your lower lip.
You let him in, slowly, unhurriedly, your ears catching the sound of the falling rain, the storm coming back with the same intensity as beforeâbut this time, it didnât feel like a bad omen anymore.
You parted with a quiet pop, Calebâs head instinctively following yours, unwilling to let the distance linger. His large hands caressed your arms and thighs, his expression love-drunk, looking as if he couldnât believe you were really here with him again.
His eyes met with yours and you swiped the pads of your fingers below his under eyes, tracing the faint freckles.
A whistle of the wind, a spatter of rain against the window, the sound of your beating hearts, and thenâ
âI love you too, Caleb.â His breath hitched, hands clenching on the material on your shirt, eyes big and shining with disbelief. âI love you. So much. Youâre the only boy Iâve ever loved.â His eyes closed and he rested his forehead against yours, the tips of your noses touching in a gesture so gentle your eyes stung.
âAgain. Repeat that for me.â He whispered in awe, and you obeyed, another confession spoken into the night. One of the candles burned out, marking the end of a chapter, and, hopefully, the end of your separation. âHmm, again.â He probed and you did, watching as a soft smile spread on his lips, his thumbs swiping circles into the exposed skin of your thighs. âWanna hear it again.â Calebâs voice unbearably soft, his touches even more so, and you put your hands on both sides of his neck, putting more distance between you. âAnd again. And again. I never want you to stop saying it.â
He opened his eyes and studied your face, eyes closing when you pressed a lingering kiss on one of his eyelids, his breath shaky, hands warm against your skin.
âI love you. Have been for so long I lost count ages ago.â His lips formed a line, happiness squeezing at his chest, and he nodded once, eyes opening slowly to bore into yours and donât stray.
âAges?â He repeated, partly mimicking your words from weeks ago, but still visibly shaken, chest filling with the warm ache of being accepted. Of loving, and being loved in return.
He cursed himself internally, eyes nearly filling with tears, dread rising in his chest at the thought that he had almost lost you, because of his selfishness and insecurities.
You kissed his lips again and he almost sobbed right into yours, his head falling onto your shoulder, kissing the soft skin, feeling the way in which it warmed up under the contact. He hugged you to his chest, kissing your neck, wanting to be even closer, to get under your skin, to merge with you for evermore and never let go.
âAges.â Your answer sure and final, your arms returning his embrace, hands tracing patterns into the skin of his strong back. His necklace rested right next to your heart, where it should always be.
You began to hum a lullaby,letting your soft voice replace the harsh sounds of the rain and thunder. The melody drifted through the house, seeping into the walls, and into Calebâs memory.
And when he whispered more confessions, his lips marking your skin with them, you exhaled a long, steady sigh, marking the end of this cruel storm.
And later, as you fell asleep in a tight embrace, listening to each otherâs heartbeats and imagining the life ahead of you, neither of you noticed the objects gently floating around the roomâsilent signs of Calebâs excitement. The heavy stone of guilt had finally lifted from his chest. He had won you back, and he wasnât going to let you get hurt againânot by him, not by anyone else. He swore to protect you, and he would keep that promise for as long as he lived.
And if the sound of plant pots shattering, books tumbling, and your things scattering around woke you up from your slumber hours later, his puppy eyes, a kiss to your cheek and a promise of a breakfast in bed was enough to make you melt. You could always clean it up later.
This time, together.
*bonus!*
3 years later
* 15+ unread messages from [ my miss hunter!<3 ]*
âď¸ hii babey, why is caleb being so weird today??? he literally called me earlier, asked me to freaking pray for him and hung up on me that menace.
âď¸ did u like fight or smth? u never fight what did he do this time
âď¸ the last time he acted so weird was when he ate his bday cake day early cause he didnât realize what it was for, remember that? what do u see in him i cant quite understand weâre like, losers trapped in hot bodies istg
âď¸ wait he just send me a pic
âď¸ OH MY GODDDSSG???? BABY CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! THIS SECRETIVE LITTLE SHInzsn
âď¸ you look so happy in that picture!! im literally bawling, the ringâs so pretty and you both look gorgeous. im so so so happy for you (*ęŚŕş´ęłęŚŕşľ)⥠⥠⥠i love you guys sm please INVITE ME TO THE WEDDING IN CASE CALEB FORGETS TO TELL HIS SIS SOMETHING THIS IMPORTANT AGAIN
âď¸ im so happy for you, canât stop looking at ur lil happy faces. U both deserve the world. NEXT UP!! picking a wedding dress!!!!! Im already on it, youâll look like a PRINCESS!!! ŕ´Śŕľŕ´Śŕ´ż ËÍĚęłËÍĚ )â§ gorgeous little b calebâs a lucky maaaaan
âď¸ call me when youâre done with kissing!! or u know, other stuff. u guys can be pretty gross.
âď¸ i love you. both. canât wait for the wedding!!!!!! AHH!!!
thank u for reading!! đ¤ if u managed to that oneâs LONG. I hope it was worth ur time đĽş
if u want to support me, u can do it here!!: https://ko-fi.com/kitimeq
every like, comment and reblog would mean the world to me đ¤
âšââĄâ gravity hurts (you made it so sweet) đ¤ caleb 䝼ćź.đĽ Ý Ë
âËâĄpairing: caleb x nonmc! reader
âËâĄword count: 17.3k (i wrote a book lol)
âËâĄsummary: the three of you have been the best of friends ever since you remembered, and although your love for Caleb wasnât exactly the friendly kind, you were more than happy to have him close. But who wouldâve thought that one night by yourselves would end this way? The warmth of acceptance and the sting of the heartbreak that came after, and among all of itâa lost boy desperate to make it right.
âËâĄtags: 18+, mdni!!! NOT a love triangle!! mc is treated as a calebâs sis in this one, the reader and mc and caleb are friends!! best of friends!! unrequited love!! but not really, angst, angst with happy ending, misunderstandings, or more like lies, love confessions obsessed caleb, kinda pathetic caleb, insecure caleb, he cries, we cry, everyone literally cries, first times, but the scene is quite short, they love each other so much, my babies, please read it.
âËâĄwriterâs note: my first ever commission for my wonderful stella 𼺠i hope you like it baby and i hope all of u will like it too, despite the length. i wanted to stretch it in time so that the reconciliation at the end wouldnât be forced. i hope youâll read it and like it, i loved writing for caleb đ¤
!!likes, reblogs and comments, pls comment, would be appreciated ⥠let me know what u think!
* 20+ unread messages from [ my miss hunter!<3 ]*
âď¸ baby what happened, where are you?
âď¸ you donât pick up and even read my messages, i donât know whatâs happening, are you okay?
âď¸ calebâs going totally ap(pl)eshit pun intended god i hope if youâre reading this you laughed at least. PLEASE write back or iâll join him.
âď¸ heâs actually going insane, does he know something? he refuses to tell me anything, what happened between you guys? i was absent for literally one meeting, did you throw hands or something? he seems really unstable, like, much more than usual and he already had issues before, thatâs for SURE.
âď¸ iâm so sorry for joking. iâm just really worried. itâs been a week. please respond to me, i donât know what to do. i need to know youâre safe.
âď¸ what did he do? now i know that heâs at fault here, heâs acting insane.
âď¸ heâs not sleeping. i donât think heâs eating either? he looks like a walking corpse and heâs still looking for you everywhere. iâm not sure whoâs managing the fleet now but for sure not him.
âď¸ heâs not saying a single word. i know now that he mustâve done something, heâs not just worried, heâs fucking terrified and to be honest i am too. itâs been almost two weeks now, please answer me.
âď¸ i swear i wonât tell him anything. just please respond.
It was supposed to be a day like any other.
You, her, himâsitting together, eating your favorite food, maybe watching one of the movies MC somehow always managed to convince you to watch. Such nights always ended in the same way: with you sleeping next to her, right on Calebâs bed. The gruesome scenes replayed behind your closed eyelids, your body nearly sprawled on top of your friend, your hand gripping hersâtoo tightly to just be affectionate. Calebâs laugh echoed through his apartment, jokes and jabs aimed right at you, spoken in soft tones from his usual spot on the couch, where he always slept during your sleepovers.
And while you were pouting and trying to defend yourself from his absolutely false accusations of being a scaredy-cat, it was always his little sister who defended you like a lioness. Her clever comebacks always softened his teasing nature towards you. But it was all just a silly little gameâthe truth was you didnât mind being teased, you knew Caleb long enough to realize that it was just the way in which he showed affection. It just so happened that MC showed hers by protecting you and attacking Caleb right back, every time his teasing seemed to be endless.
âEasy, pip, Iâm just tryinâ to get her mind off of that spoooky imitation of a movie.â He answered between quiet laughs, and a quiet scoff left your mouth, quickly followed by a small smile. âBesides, if she really was scared, she would sleep here with me. She would be much, much safer, right?â His question followed by your name, and you immediately sprung upwards to sit on your legs.
âAs if! You would probably maul me in your sleep before any monster would even get a chance to reach me.â You answered quickly, your body turning toward the salon where he slept, your eyes meeting MCâs, shining with mirth in the darkness. You heard an exaggerated gasp from him, and you imagined how he probably looked right now: gripping his shirt right on top of his chest in a gesture feigning hurt.
âYou wound me. I would protect you with all I have, my Evol, my Fleet, my annoying little sisterââ
âJerk!â
ââFrom any harm the flying sharks would want to cause you.â You laughed quietly, and you felt the tension in your shoulders slowly dissolving. MCâs faux-offended expression, along with his soft voice were doing a great job at melting the irrational fear you felt in your chest after the movie.
A second passed; then two, maybe three, while your eyes were looking through the huge glass walls, following the clouds that were drifting languidly outside. A sigh left your lips, and your hand squeezed that of MC, who was laying beside your sitting body, her eyes already closed. And when their laughs died down entirely, their breaths slowly evening out, preparing for a good nightâs sleep, thatâs when you decided to add one more thing.
âLaugh at me all you want, but itâs your fault for living so high up in the clouds, where all the flying sharks in the world have us literally handed to them on a silver platter. But fine, I donât care anymore, eat up you little motherfuââ
âOh my godââ
His bubbly laugh echoed loudly, bouncing off of the walls, filling the rooms, breaking the tranquil atmosphere that had fallen not so long ago. His sisterâs body shook with laughter right next to yours, wide smile now present on your lips. Your silly joke landed exactly how you wanted it to landâconcealing the fear still nestled inside you, simmering delicately just beneath the surface of your smile. Which was, despite their assumptions, not only caused by the abominations presented in the movie.
The enormous clouds, surrounding you from everywhereâthat was what truly bothered you. The vastness and uncertainty of the sky which stretched out before you, visible through the glass walls, its eerie silence making the little hairs on your nape stand straight.
Sleepovers at Calebâs place, which had happened occasionally ever since he moved to Skyhaven to studyâand continued even after he became a Farspace Colonelâwere something you had already got used to and looked forward to. But the location of his apartment, the surroundings and their quietness, the strangely uneasy privacy and stillness, especially at nightâthat was what made you so scared every time you were here.
You never told them about your little fear; you didnât want to cause problems, especially when they were both so happy whenever the three of you found enough time for a sleepover, and Calebâs place was perfect for accommodating all of you. Besides, you had your best friend, a literal Hunter, close to you, and Calebâs presence right behind you, just a wall away. Your mind knew that you were safe, it was just your body that was having second thoughts in a form of occasional shivers and quickened heartbeat.
Thatâs why it always striked you whenever he seemed to notice your concealed discomfort, which this time happened an hour after you said your good nightâs. Mcâs breath was already calm and steady, yours far from it, unwanted thoughts and the feeling of uncertainty making you lose your precious hours of sleep.
You heard him first: his calm steps, quiet breath. You saw him second: his head peeking through the door frame, eyes wide open, not clouded with sleep, landing straight on yours. His body approached the bed frame, and he crouched slowly by your side, a small smile adorning his lips. And you felt him at last: his huge, warm hand searched for yours under the covers, and proceeded to hold it gently, his thumb caressing the back of your knuckles in a comforting gesture. You were familiar with such touches, both him and his sister were touchy-feely ever since you remember. So you reciprocated his smile, tiredness clutching to your lashes, yet mind still refusing to rest.
âAre you okay? I heard you tossinâ and turninâ.â He whispered, whether to avoid waking his sister up or to not disturb your precious moment, you werenât sure. You met his beautiful, sparkling eyes, which always made your stomach twist with longing, and you already started to feel better. His gaze was so gentle, so earnest that your heart decided to switch the reason of its rapid beating from fear to a complete adoration.
You were laying on your side, a pillow warm underneath your cheek, and your hand squeezed his in an answer to his worry. You noticed that his hands were dry and rugged, but so pleasantly warm. And so were your cheeks, their color fortunately hidden from his watchful eyes behind the curtain of the darkness.
âYeah, donât worry. Iâm just a little uneasy, thatâs all.â Which wasnât exactly a lie, but his eyes were giving you skeptical signals as if he knew exactly what you were hiding.
The truth that the sky and space scared you, when he was the one who was constantly covered by the clouds, was always embarrassing to admit out loud. And thankfully, he never pressed you to do it.
Instead, he hummed, his chin resting on the edge of the bed, his eyes landing on your clasped hands, thumb sliding through your fingers back and forth. You knew he had no idea, but that slight touch was enough to make you shiver, your heart filled with unspoken, overwhelming emotions towards the one who was supposed to just be your best friend.
âBut you know you can always come to me, right? The couch is really cozy and maybe you would feel safer there, somehow. Aaand, Iâm much bigger than her. More comfortable too, Iâm sure.â Your lips turned up in a smile, and your eyes closed for a second, trying to focus on calming your heart down. When you finally opened them, he was looking right at you with an unreadable expression. His face seemed to get closer to yours too, most likely unknowingly.
From such proximity you could see the freckles that covered his face like small specks of cosmic dust, that you have always longed to trace with your fingers. His eyes were also a sight to behold, even in the darkness they shined so brightly, violet mixed with a hint of a sunset, always so full of wonder and awe, looking right back at you. He was so handsome, even covered only by the moonlight, when you always thought that a warm sunlight suit him best.
âWeâre not kids anymore, Caleb. Sleeping in the same bed would be a little bit weird, donât you think?â He scoffed under his breath, and you bit your lip, not wanting your true emotions to appear on your face. Desperate to not let him know how much youâd like to join him, to fall asleep resting in his embrace.
âI donât.â His reply instant, a sure whisper, accompanied by a slight shift of his head. His hair looked so soft, the strands falling into his eyes, making you want to reach out and fix them. His faint freckles seemed to flicker, once again catching your attention, teasing you to give each one of them a small kiss. But you knew that you didnât have the right to. âBesides, weâre friends. You know I would never touch you or anything. Youâre safe with me.â
These exact words echoed through your mind months later, a memory fresh and vivid, the only one you could think of when your heart wanted to beat straight out of your chest.
I would never touch you.
You remembered him saying, on that day that was supposed to be like any other, yet MC cancelled on you at the last moment. You were already drinking boba next to the relaxed Caleb, leaving you two alone for the first time in what felt like forever. An emergency mission, was her excuse, and although you were upset that she couldnât make it, the happiness of finally being able to spend some time with Caleb, whom you missed just as much, was enough to raise your mood back up.
I would never touch you.
That sentence swirled inside your head, hours after you both went out for a hotpot, sharing a meal filled with laughter, catching up on nothing and everything all at once. You always had fun together, the years of friendship formed thanks to MC made you comfortable with one another, the banter teasing but affectionate, the atmosphere warm and familiar. Later you went for a walk in the park, searching for squirrels, and sending MC pictures of every single one you managed to spot with a short caption âYouâ. After that, you also stopped at the arcade to play with claw machines for some time: you managed to win a small cat plushie for MC, while Caleb gave you a similar one he got for you when you werenât looking. And then, after the sun had long since set, you went back to his placeâin the same way you always did when meeting up in Skyhaven. But this time, you two were completely alone.
I would never touch you.
And yet, by heavens, you thought that after that night there wasnât any place on your body he left untouched. Not when he was paying such a close attention to you, his hands wandering absolutely everywhere, accompanied by his shaken breaths and whispers full of worship and wonder.
You werenât sure who kissed whom first, your mouths connecting unexpectedly, meeting right in the middle, the movie you put on a while ago still playing in the background. The flakes of popcorn scattered everywhere around you; the bowl had fallen from your hands, so desperate was he to pull you to himself the moment he dared to push his tongue past your lipsâuncertainly at firstâonly to feel how quickly you accepted him.
You were almost dizzy with happiness of finally having him this close, touching at his hair, neck, shoulders, waist. He was holding you in his arms tightly, squeezing your waist, while you sat comfortably on his crossed legs, lips sealed to his. But suddenly, your head became heavy the moment the gravity of the situation pulled you down. You pushed him away, pressing your hands to his broad shoulders.
You parted with a gasp, your breath uneven, cheeks burning with embarrassment.
He didnât look any better, if his equally red cheeks and tousled hair were any indicator. His slightly chapped lips chased after yours, eyes lidded and brows furrowed when he felt the loss of your warmth.
âCâCaleb, wait, stop, what on earth are we doingââ You tried to reason, your legs struggling to stand, your heart uncertain what it truly meant to him. A panic overtook you, your true feelings suddenly out in the open, composure lost in a moment of weakness. You remember meeting his eyes in the room lit only by his TV, his head already turned your way, closer than it ever was before. Thatâs all it took; the sudden closeness, his intense, lingering gaze and hand reaching your way, for you to start making rush decisions.
He didnât let you escape. In one quick motion you were grabbed by your arms and pushed back into his chest. His hands softly squeezed the flesh, his head fell onto your shoulder listlessly. Dark hair brushed at your neck when you heard his shaky breaths, his body trembling under the touch of your fingers, which now rested on his torso. They were the only barrier keeping you from melting entirely into his embrace.
âNo, pleaseâplease. Donât go.â He choked out, his voice pained, his forehead nuzzling up to the juncture between your shoulder and neck. His lips touched your neck, and you gasped. âDonât go. Donât run away from me. Please.â A quiet plea, which made you close your eyes in an attempt to finally think; think of the reason it happened, think of the ways in which it would affect your friendship, think of what it truly meant for him.
Afraid that the answer would hurt you.
Your head suddenly felt too heavy for your body, mind spiraling with possible answers, when you heard his voice once again, loud and certain against your heated skin.
âI dreamed of thisâOf youââ He nuzzled at your neck, sending a shiver throughout your whole body, your chest squeezing, the implication slowly uncovering into something crystal clear. âOf holding you. Touching you, like thisââ His fingers started a gentle trial up your spine and you pressed your body closer to his on impulse. His left hand buried in your hair, softly touching your scalp, and he finally lifted his head to meet your gaze. He looked ruined; eyes glossy and eyebrows scrunched in an image resembling an anguish. His eyes were shifting between yours and your lips, which you were biting in uncertainty. âFor so, so long, you have no idea how Iââ
âCalebââ
âLet me. Let me kiss you one more time, just once.â The last word a desperate whisper, his eyes stuck on your lips, his head getting closer and closer with every second, as though he psychically couldnât help himself. He cupped your cheek and placed his thumb on your bottom lip, pulling it from the confines of your teeth, his touch feather-light. A quiet grunt left him and he met your eyes again, your hands going to grab him by the shoulders to gain more balance. You were getting dizzy, his proximity maddening, his touches and honeyed words overwhelming. âI was always scared to be alone with you like this, and this is the reason. I knew that the moment you let me, I will continue to take, take, takeâŚâ He closed his eyes, his forehead falling onto yours, your heavy breaths already mingling. The hand on your cheek started shaking, but a calloused thumb never stopped caressing your skin. âYou can say ânoâ to me. You can say ânoâ alright? Justâplease. Please say somethinâ. Anything. Youâre so quiet and itâs killinâ me hereââ
âIâI want the same thing. Caleb, Iââ You finally breathed out, your eyes half opened, lowered to look at his chest, where laid a necklace you and MC gave him quite a while ago, before his first trip to Skyhaven. That memory appeared behind your lashes, along with MCâs face, the image making you halt momentarily. âOh God, but what about MC? Wouldnât she be weirded out when we suddenlyââ You flinched again, and this time he caught you instantly, his big hands reaching for yours, pressing them into his forehead like a prayer, then huffing out a low laugh.
âShe knows. She figured me out ages ago.â You didnât hide your surprise, your heart beating so quickly you thought it will beat straight out of your chest. âYou donât have to worry about anythinâ, alright? If only you feelâYou fell the way I do, then Iââ
âAgesâŚ?â The word stuck inside your head, the implications making your eyes sparkle. He lowered your hands to rest flat on his chest, and you felt itâthe thump of his heart matching yours, a rapid, uneven beat that could only mean one thing.
âAges.â He answered surely, his violet eyes glued entirely to yours, his hand covering your palms. And when he nudged your nose with his, silently asking for permission, you found that you didnât have any reason to refuse him anymore.
Not when you wanted him just as passionately.
Your lips met his again in a kiss so intense it was nearly bruising, your hands going over his neck, your mouth swallowing down his sigh of contentment. His hands quickly found their way under your t-shirt; grabbing and holding, caressing and squeezing everywhere he could touch.
I would never touch you.
And yet he did. He did and continued throughout the whole night, his hands never leaving your body, his lips almost permanently sealed to your soft skin, the quiet laughs and whispers of reassurance filling the entire room, your body almost floating even without his Evol, lifted by the feelings of finally being accepted. Of loving and being loved in return.
âYouâre perfect. Perfect for me. I have seen countless sunsets above the clouds, and you are far more beautiful than any of them. Absolutelyââ He choked out, his slow thrusts making you see stars, his sculpted body covering yours completely, mindful not to crush you in the process. His movements slightly awkward at times, totally inexperienced but you didnât mindâit was your first time too, after all.
You had boyfriends before, but the relationships never lasted long. He was the first one you managed to open up to. The first one you were able to trust fully, the only man you ever loved. So how could you ever think of doing it with someone else?
ââmagnificent. I canât believe I get to have you like this⌠IâAhâI still think that I must be dreaminâ, what if I wake up and youâll disappear? Thatâs how it always was. A lucid dream, a cry for even a scrap ofâof your attention, and now youâreââ Your hands were gripping his biceps, leaving half moons in the glistening skin. Soft sighs were escaping your lips, along with the tears streaming down your cheeks, whether from the intensity of your feelings or the tight way he fit inside you, you werenât sure. You closed your eyes and let him press more kisses along your shoulder and neck, cheek and lips, the very same ones to which he continued to speak his praises. âAnd now you are beneath me, f-fuckâUtterly beautiful. The best thing that ever happenâ to me, I knew that I was doomed ever since I met youââ You moaned his name and he smiled, his lips landing on your wet eyelashes, kissing the tears that had yet to come out. His lips were softer now, entirely covered in your chapstick, tasting of sweet apples and something that you already recognized as undeniably him. There was a hand placed under your back, bringing you even closer to his body, his hips moving more steadily, mouth attacking your breasts, making you shiver in pleasure. His hands were going up and down the sides of your body, a gentle touch, meant to bring comfort.
âCalebâplease. Faster, I canât, I needââ Your hands went to grab his hair, pulling at the strands, making him moan, his body shaking. He looked at you as with so much adoration you thought you were dreaming.
âOkay, okayâMmmâI got you. IâI got you, darlinâ, I always got you. But if it was up to me I would have you like this the whole night long.â He lifted you up in a way that you were now straddling his thighs and sat down, not stopping his thrusts, his hands resting on your waist. Every single indication of inexperience he made up in passion, desperation and enthusiasm, always putting your pleasure above everything else. You opened your mouth in another gasp, his hips rutting into you without stopping, his arms circled around your body, refusing to let you get away even for a second. Not that you ever wanted to leave the safety of his hold. âI got you, my sweet girl. And will never let you go, never. Youâre so adorable, so clever, so so kind and precious, you areââ
ââAnnoying and too clingy to be honest. When you get to know her better, that is. Sooo, going after her would be a total waste of time, then.â
A quiet gasp, torn out of you suddenly, violently.
Unexpectedly.
You froze, your heart stopping, along with your hand which was already raised to push open the door to Calebâs room. His voice, even though muffled by the door, was still perfectly distinguishable to you, having heard it even in your dreams by now.
You only came back for your makeup bag, which you had hastily left at his place this morning, the night after your moment of closeness, having overslept for work. You only managed to kiss his adorable sleeping head goodbye, wear the clothes from the day before and run through his door, smile not coming off of your face the whole day long, despite the slight soreness in your limbs.
It was reminiscent of your night together; thatâs why it didnât bother you. The night that was supposed to change everything for the better, the night that your feelings turned out to be reciprocated.
Or so you thought.
You knew that he was having a boysâ nightâhe told you during your hangout the day before, how excited he was to finally reunite with some of his college friends, after Gideon managed to get a hold of everyone. But you still hoped to quickly collect your things, maybe steal a small kiss or two.
You just hoped to see him again, even for a moment.
A second, nothing more.
You only wanted toâ
âAnd sheâs kinda afraid of flying, sooo not exactly a good girlfriend material for a pilot, guys.â His laugh, although a little nervous, made the crack in your heart spread further. âIf she werenât my lil sisterâs friend, I wouldnât wanna pay her any mindââ
Crash.
Loud and echoing, pierced through the living room where you were standing, your hands shaking. One hand went straight to cover your mouth, which opened in utter disbelief.
At first you thought it was the sound of your heart breaking; exploding into millions and millions of pieces, from the way it squeezed painfully in your chest upon hearing the words undoubtedly coming out of his mouth. You nearly screamed in anguish, the scenes from the night before appearing in your mind, the wonderful things he said to you reverberating inside your ears, the ghost of his touch still lingering on your skinâhis rugged hands so soft, so gentle, the touch loving, worshipping so whyâ
âWhoâs there?â His uncharacteristically harsh voice reached your ears but you had no idea what was happening. You felt as if you were underwater, all sounds quieted down, your body moving in slow motion.
You looked at your feet and saw your makeup scattered before you, the actual source of the crashing sound, coming from the small bottles hitting his apartment floor. Your hands apparently too shaky, too numb to hold the makeup bag after hearing his words. A dagger to your heart would hurt less, you thought, your vision getting blurry, your legs taking a few steps backwards, the movement awkward, your body suddenly too heavy for you to move.
Why did you come back? Why were you here? Why did you need to hear such things coming from the same mouth that had whispered sweet nothings to your ear for hours on end, not even a day before?
You raised your head abruptly, tears staining your cheeks now, when you heard rapid footsteps coming from the other side of the door. The ones you would recognize absolutely everywhere.
You choked down a sob and bolted straight for the door, your shaky hands fumbling with the lock for a secondâenough to give him time to process the situation at hand, to connect every single dot, to notice your makeup sprawled on the floor and maybe your pathetic little teardrops lying among it.
Thatâs what you were. Thatâs who you made yourself to be. A pathetic little fool, for kissing him, opening up to him, giving so much to him in such a short amount of time when in reality all he thought of you wasâ
âNo. No. Oh, no, no, no, no, fuck, fuck, please, wait, no!â You heard him shouting your name the moment you opened the door and bolted for the elevator. You did not bother closing the door, he already knew that you were there just a second before. He already realized what you heard, even though the true meaning of his words still felt like a fever dream, a nightmare that was unfolding right before you, painful and so, so, unbearably cruel you feared you will pass out the moment your eyes met his face.
You needed to get out of there. You needed to go outside, to breathe, to find the air he stolen from you so suddenly.
Fortunately, the elevator was waiting for you, a spec of light in the darkness of the situation, and you jumped right in, your hand frantically pressing the close button over and over again, even faster now that you heard him running down the hallway to reach you.
Ironically, this time, the luck was on your side.
His shadow was the only thing you could see before the door closed, cutting him off completely. The echoing thump of his fists hitting the surface of it made you flinch.
âNo! Fuck! No, no, please!â
Your name reached your ears, desperate, panicked.
But you were already on your way down, tears falling freely, your hands squeezing at your collar, at the material covering your chest, at anything you could reach just to lessen the pain of your heart breaking. Your knees shaky, threatened to give out but you were holding onto the knowledge that he was still following you, and you absolutely couldnât let him catch you. Thatâs why, you refused to let yourself break before you were sure that you were somewhere safe.
And it paid off. You miraculously managed to ascape from him, that day.
And many, many days after that.
* 50+ messages from [ ur caleb!<3 ] *
âď¸ please, let me explain myself. I can only imagine what youve heard and I need you to listen to me, please.
âď¸ what I said wasnât true. everything youve heard was a big fucking lie and I need to tell that to your face, you have to believe me.
âď¸ please donât do this to me, I know that I deserve it but you have to hear me out, please.
âď¸ answer me.
âď¸ I beg you, give me anything. I need to know youre safe. I canât locate your phone is it turned off? I donât know if youre safe. please.
âď¸ its torture. its my fault I need to see you and tell you everything just let me see you. let me find you.
âď¸ I need to find you.
âď¸ I miss you.
âď¸ I need you, donât leave me in this loneliness any longer, I will do anything. anything to earn your forgiveness, even if i have to work my whole life for it I will, even if you say that you donât ever want to see me anymore I will stay out of your sight, I just need to tell you the truth, I need to see you and tell you what I really feel, not that awful lie youve heard me saying I wish I could turn back time and scrape these disgusting words out of my mouth.
âď¸ I will do anything for you. I will do anything for only a second of seeing you, I will fulfill your every wish, every desire and unspoken craving just for a second of your time, for a chance to say that Iâm sorry.
âď¸ It ruins me, the thought that you may still think that what you heard me saying was true, you are not reading my messages and you probably still think that I meant it. Iâm going insane, Iâm losing my mind, I need you. I need to see you.
âď¸ I searched for you everywhere and I still havenât found you, but I wonât stop, I will never stop searching for you even if it kills me, even if you will be the last thing I see, I will find you.
âď¸ baby, please. sweetheart. my treasure. please let me explain myself. where are you? where havenât I searched yet? how did you manage to escape me?
âď¸ you know me too well, thatâs how. you knew where I will be looking for you and you took advantage of that, my smart girl.
âď¸ but this one time, I wish you made a mistake. even a small one, a millisecond long. because Iâm waiting and Iâm ready to find you. and I will find you. you know me and how stubborn I am. I will never stop looking, you have to come back at some point. and i will get to you before that. I promise. wait for me.
Three weeks have passed since you last saw Calebâthe memory of his betrayal still fresh, and the wounds he inflicted on your heart with his cruel words still open and bleeding.
But the tears were no longer staining your cheeks, and a mere thought of him didnât make you panic anymore. At least, not when you knew that he wouldnât be able to find you here.
After you left his apartment that day, you knew that he would search for you, taking into account his desperation to catch you when you were running away. Yet you couldnât bear to look him in the face, not after what happened between you, and how humiliated he made you feel.
You thought that he felt the same, that maybe he loved you, but it seemed that he was just playing with your feelings. That you mustâve been an easy target. And you just couldnât believe it, no matter how frequently you repeated the things he said in your mind, both to you during the night and the to his friends during the day. You knew him ever since you were children, his presence constant in your life, even if you were not seeing each other that often after he relocated to Skyhaven. He was always there for you, and for MC, no matter what happened, his care and friendship something you got used to long time ago.
If she werenât my lil sisterâs friend, I wouldnât wanna pay her any mind.
Was your friendship always only a huge lie? Were you unknowingly only a burden, a nuisance that he had to put up with, because of your friendship with his sister?
And that night, when he was holding you so gently, treating you with such kindness and devotion, whispering the things you dreamed about hearing from him for so long, was it also something he did just because you were easy to manipulate? The easiest choice, a familiar body to satisfy his needs with?
And God, did he know about your true feelings before all of it went down?
You shook your head, trying to stop another train of thoughts, fighting with yourself not to break down in tears again. You came here not only to temporarily run away from him, you also wanted to take your time and relax, to calm the storm brewing inside your head, to survive that heartbreak and breakdown on your own terms, without anyoneâs nagging or judgmental stares. Without others telling you what you were supposed to feel.
You fixed your sunhat, the slight wind making your hair gently caress your face, and you went down from the ladder, a basket full of fresh cherries hanging from your arm. You sighed, the fresh air and the smell of fruit filling your nose trills, reminding you that you were far, far away from Skyhaven and Linkon, the places that held too many painful memories.
Here, you were safe, because no one knew about your little, peaceful gateway, which was long ago introduced to you by one of your distant cousins. It was a peaceful little plot of land, belonging to one of your family members, a place they visited occasionally, usually in the summertime. And now, that small house in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by the trees of fruit, fields of flowers and tranquil atmosphere were exactly what you needed to get back on your feet.
You took a sick leave from work for a whole month, and you were planning to use that time to soften your dark thoughts and harden your skin before the gravity of the situation and its consequences met you upon your return to Linkon. Before you would have to inevitably face Calebâthe one you were trying to avoid at all costs.
âHere you are, auntie.â You approached her crouched figure, her hands paused in their strawberry picking, and she looked up at you with gratitude in her eyes.
âThank you sweetie, you helped me so much.â She answered and stood up, taking off her gloves and stuffing them into the pocket of her baggy jeans, covered in strawberry juice and grass. A huge smile lit up her face, and you couldnât help but return one just as bright, shaking your head.
âOh, please, thatâs the least I can do. I should be the one thanking you for letting me stay here.â You fixed your hat once again and went up to a bucket filled with rainwater, so that you could wash the cherries from your skin. âI havenât known such peace in a long time, really. The air is so refreshing, the scenery so beautiful, and Iâm visiting the orchard everyday. I probably ate half of your crops by now, like some kind of a pest.â
âOh, stop it!â She playfully swatted your butt with a rug, and you giggled, snatching it from her to use it to dry your hands. âYouâre always welcome here, you know that. Besides, you are a huge help with harvesting fruit each week. I always bring my boy with me, but as you can see, heâs nowhere in sight.â You laughed and picked up the basket with cherries again, as well as the one she was holding before. You peaked inside it and noticed that it was filled with strawberries and raspberries, a perfect amount for a snack. You opened your mouth and let her place one small strawberry inside it, the sweet juice filling your mouth, making you momentarily forget about your worries.
Everything here was just so peaceful and easy.
âItâs that age. Heâs more interested in exploring than in sitting around and picking fruit. I was a chaotic kid, too.â You answered and she sighed, your walk to her truck much shorter than you wanted it to be. You placed the baskets inside the vehicle and saw the boyâs hair from where he sat in the passenger seat. You ruffled his hair, and he appeared startled, his hand immediately reaching up to fix it, a blush spreading to the tips of his ears.
âChaotic and addicted to gaming, thatâs what he really is.â She answered as you stepped back from the truck to hug her goodbye. She offered you a ride back to the house but you decided to stay in the orchard. The sun was still far from setting, and you wanted to read under the tress and snack on the fruits for a while longer.
You also remembered to thank her for delivering your letter to MC last week, in which you told her that you were safe, and apologized for not reaching out to her sooner, explaining that you will be back after some time alone. You decided to restrain from mentioning that you had to turn off your phone the moment you escaped from Calebâs apartment, knowing damn well that if you didnât, he would be able to track your location without any issue. You knew him and his little tricks like the back of your hand, or at least, thatâs what you thought before everything that happened recently.
You were already waving goodbye to them, when it happened.
The boy opened the car door and handed you something, his small hands quick and secretive. Your eyes opened wide, and your smile faltered instantly, recognizing the weight.
âSorry for taking it, mom never lets me take mine and I get so bored here⌠But I charged it for you!â He said your name and looked at you apologetically, his round eyes shining excitedly. You gulped, your mouth opening slightly, struggling to find your voice. âYou can delete the game now. Oh, and you got a loooot of messages, are you, like, famous?â He asked in a hushed tone, then flinched when the aunt called out to him. He hugged your waist tightly, clearly thankful for your unintentional lending of possession, and went back to the truck, his small hand waving at you through the window until they disappeared from sight, turning onto the main road.
Leaving you by yourself, speechless, your hands full of something you avoided like fire throughout your stay here. The only thing that could betray your location.
A phone.
The one you intentionally turned off and left on the bedside cabinet inside the house.
Your phone.
A device that was Calebâs only way of tracking you, now lit up after weeks of lying unused, for the purpose of your escape.
âNo way, no, no, no, no.â You mumbled, your shaking hands going straight to turn it off, the device turning black again, your panicked gaze staring back at you from its small screen. You closed your eyes and hugged the phone to your chest, praying that it hadnât been turned long enough for him to track you. For him to notice. âYouâve got to be kidding me. Not now, please. Not yet.â
You werenât ready to face him yet. You didnât know if you ever would, but you definitely werenât ready right this instant, your heartbreak still fresh, your heart too weak to feel this much again.
You looked around slowly, taking in the the sight of the orchard and the endless expanse of the field, calm, steady and sunny, just the way it was during the weeks youâd been here. A gentle wind carried the strands of your hair behind you, the sunhat protecting your head from the light of day. You put the phone slowly inside the pocket of your shorts and began the long path back to the house, your plans of a leisure reading session long forgotten.
It was completely quiet, almost too quiet, but there was no one in sight. You had no idea if he had managed to track your location, or if he was even still looking for you. Maybe he decided to let go, you comforted yourself, even if you knew him well enough to realize how stubborn he could be. You just hoped that maybe if he truly didnât care for you, he would leave you alone.
The wind intensified, and so did your steps. The house still not yet visible, the long way back made you anxious. You wanted to be inside already, lock yourself up, just in case he really waited for your slip up.
You huffed a small, nervous laugh under your breath the moment you felt the wind biting into the exposed skin of your arms, the temperature dropping, making goosebumps appear on your skin. You bit into your bottom lip and quickened your pace, your heartbeat already pulsing inside your ears, your mind trying to convince you that it was just a coincidence.
But when the wind blew away your hat, you didnât turn back to fetch it.
Instead, your stride broke into a full-blown run, your legs moving in a panicked frenzy, your hair flying behind you freely. Your lungs and eyes already burned the moment the aircraft appeared in your peripheral vision, its shape and size so unmistakably matching those from the Farspace Fleet that you wanted to laugh at your brain for still hoping is wasnât.
You heard it nowâthe deafening roar of it descending onto the field not far from youâand you cursed under your already ragged breath, knowing he mustâve already seen you. There was no one else in sight, after all.
You hadnât stopped running. The house was twenty minutes away on foot, and if you were fast enough, you could make it before he caught up with you. The plane had already landed, and you didnât have the courage to look back to see ifâ
âHey! Wait!â The shout of your name pierced the wind in your ears, and a weak groan escaped you. He was close, too close if you were able to hear him, his voice bringing back all the memories from that day. Of comforting closeness, then cruel confession said so surely behind your back.
Every single muscle ached, but you didnât stop running, you couldnât stop running. The house was already there, peeking from behind the trees, and if only you could reach it in time, you would just lock the doors and regain your false sense of freedom for a while longer.
âStop runninâ away from me! Please!â
âStopâStop chasing me!â You screamed, the emotions built up inside of you finally having their outlet. âLeave me alone, I donâtâI donât want to see you, IâI donâtââ
âJust talk to me! Let me explainââ He was getting closer, and your body was growing weaker, your legs moving seemingly only by the sheer force of your will.
âI donât want to talk to you!â A sob almost escaped your lips, the knowledge and fear that he was this close to you again making panic squeeze at your chest. You were not ready to see him yet, not ready to look at that irritatingly handsome face of his, and hear him lying without batting an eye.
âBaby, pleaseââ Closer. He was so close, just a couple of steps and he wouldnât have to shout through the wind anymore, but you didnât stop, couldnât stop.
âOh, fuck you!â You shouted right back, tears already forming in your eyes, your legs burning with extortion. How dare he call you this way, as if there was something between you, as if he cared about what happened, about the kiss, your first night, you. âDonât call me that, donât chase me like some kind of an animalâAh!â
Your run stopped abruptly, your chest heaving as you desperately tried to catch your breath. Sweat stuck to your forehead and neck, your limbs tensed, grasping for something, anything, to keep your body from floating up in the air.
Naturally, you failed. His Evol too powerful, holding you gently up in the air, your body too weak to fight back against the invisible force, so you did the only thing you could do at that moment.
You took off your shoe and threw it at him, groaning pathetically when you heard it landing in the grass.
âLetâmeâgo!â You shouted, your breath heavy after the run, body refusing to calm down. You kept your head turned away from him, unable to look even at his shadow. The knowledge he was this close to you was enough to fill your eyes with tears.
You heard his footsteps close now, his breath heavy. You closed your eyes, tears instead of falling down your cheeks, drifted away from you, the temporary lack of gravity around you taking them away.
First your heart, then your sorrowâwhat else could he steal away?
You didnât see how he stood below you, only few steps away, still wearing his Fleet uniform, looking up at your struggling frame with awe and relief. His hand reached out to catch your teardrop with his hand, the sign of your pain staining his fingers now. He brought it to his lips slowly, itching for any part of you, his brows furrowing with anguish.
âI canât. I let you escape from me once and I wonât make the same mistake again.â His breath was already calming down as he crouched to pick up your shoe, not expecting the other one flying his way, catching it with his Evol right before it hit his head. He scoffed, his laugh sad and full of disbelief, as he let it fall right in front of his face.
âYou coming here was a mistake.â He grit his teeth as he heard your poisonous words, spoken in a teary tone. He looked up at you again and his breath hitched. Your drifting body was surrounded by your teardrops, swirling around you and reminding him just how much pain he caused you by his own selfishness. âMe believing in your sugary words was a mistake. Me kissing you was a mistake, God, our whole night together was aââ
âDonât.â His harsh voice cut through the air, silencing you at once. âFinish that sentence. I donât wanna hear it.â
âWhy? You said you wanted to talk so letâs talk.â With your back still turned to him, your hands swatting at your flying teardrops, his audacity to use his Evol on you making you see red. âLetâs talk about how you tricked me. How you made me believe that we were friends, that I could count on youââ
âPleaseââ
âThat I maybe, maybe meant something more to you. Because it turned out that you were feeding me lies for yearsââ
âThatâs notâŚâ
âYouâYou made me believe you liked me, and then you⌠You took advantage ofââ
âQuiet!â He nearly growled, his harsh voice echoing in your ears, the tone unfamiliar, instantly making you flinch. The Evol with which he held you up faltered, shaking your body, making a quiet squeal come out of your mouth. For a second there, you thought that he will let you fall right into the ground, but the impact never came.
You finally looked at him, scared and stunned by his outburst. He stood there, eyes clouded and distant, arms hanging loosely at his sidesâ one hand gripping his hatâboth of them shaking equally.
And just when you thought you had imagined his expression darkening, you noticed the clouds shifting faster, the sky growing darker.
A thunder stroke in the distance, forcing the hair on your nape stand straight.
âT-Thatâs how you think youâll solve this? By force? By scaring me?â Your voice wavered, your fear slipping right through your confident facade. âIâI donât take orders from you, Colonel. You will not intimidate me into anything. I donâtâI donâtââ More tears floated around you, your vision blurred, fear mixing with the feeling of helplessness.
He whipped his head, finally grasping the reality upon hearing how you addressed him. And when your eyes finally met, both equally red-rimmed, tired and pleading, he felt as if something in him broke.
Because while he was pleading for a chance to be redeemed, you, on the other hand, for him to stay out of your sight.
âIâm sorry, I shouldnât have raised my voice. Please, donât be scared, Iâmââ Another plea, another apology, another way for him to mess with your mind, you thought. And you were scared, tired and hurt, lacking the energy for that conversation. Not knowing how to go about this, not being sure if there was anything that he could say that would fix this.
You were too shaken to listenâlet alone react logically. Too unprepared to see his familiar face again so soon, to hear the voice that once offered you refuge for years, but now hurt you more deeply than you ever thought it could. Even the touch of his Evolâonce used to help you, to ease your burdens, to cheer you up with his silly little teasingâwas now a weapon. A way to trap you. To make you feel small. Helpless beneath the weight of his power.
It was not going well at all, both of you clearly too emotional, incapable of having a normal conversation. You werenât prepared, but you noticed that he wasnât either, his mental state unsteady, mind locked on one thing and one thing onlyâto catch you and never let you out of his sight again.
It was no way of resolving anything. And you really didnât want to get hurt even moreânot by his words, nor by the things you wanted to scream at him, rage tangled with fear, creating a poisonous mix that placed the most hurtful of things at the tip of your tongue.
You didnât want to use them. Saying them out loud to him would break your heart in the process too.
âLet me go. Please. Iâm not ready yet, Iââ You closed your eyes, and the first drops of rain fell onto your warm skin. âI donât want to talk. I canât talk. Justâlet me be. We will have to have this conversation at some point. And I know that. BâBut for now just. Please, Caleb.â Your eyes full of tears met his, and he opened his mouth just to close it again, the sight of them rendering him speechless. The pleading, hurt look in them seemed to get him out of the trace. âLet me go.â
His breath hitched when you didnât break eye contact. There was pain in your eyes, but also unwavering resolve. You kept looking at him with those radiant, exquisite eyes of yours, and thatâs when he knew: he had lost this battle.
He slowly lowered you down, holding back tears when you refused to accept his hand to steady yourself. Then he bit his lip, his hands shaking, clenching into fists while he was forced to watch you run from him again, battling his desire to chase after you.
You said that you will have to talk at some point, and he believed you. He took your words and cling to them like a lifeline, a reason for him not to lose his hope. He would be patient, he could be patient, he had already waited for you for so long, he didnât mind waiting some more. At least now he knew you were safe. Now he could protect you.
And he knew that the war to win you back had only just begun.
The heavy rain spattered against the windows, its sound echoing through the house, easing your shaken nerves and slowly lulling you to sleep.
A lightning struck in the distance, brightening the whole room. You rose quietly, waiting for the sound of thunder. Eyes closed, breathing evened out after what felt like eternity.
More raindrops hit your window, pushed violently by the wind as you stood, wrapping yourself in your huge, knitted cardigan, sinking your cold, shaking fingers into the thick, soft material.
He came here, for you.
A fact that you couldnât shake for hours now, the weather outside an embodiment of what was happening inside your head. He came for you, the moment he managed to get your location, desperate, oh so desperate to talk, to explain, to repent, and you were left absolutely torn.
Because in your mind, you had already started seeing him as the bad guy, that thought a constant companion through these long weeks, your main coping mechanism. And now? He came here, looking anguished and miserable, his face thin and eyes redâa picture of a man in despairâand he was ready to drop everything just for a second of your time.
Which you didnât give him. And thatâs what kept you awake.
Your hand reached for the light switch but in vain. The storm that had lasted for hours mustâve cut the power some time ago, and you accepted it quickly. Your eyes had long since adjusted to the darkness, and you didnât want to give any sign that you were awake either. You didnât want to give Caleb false hope, knowing his aircraft still stood on the empty field, exactly where he had landed it hours ago.
You knew he wasnât asleep either, not if he was as apologetic as he seemed to be. You shouldâve listened to him, maybe. And if he hadnât scared you so much, if he hadnât used his Evol or raised his voice, maybe you wouldnât have been so afraid, so defensive. Despite everything he said that fateful night, a large part of you was still curious about what he wanted to say and how he intended to explain himself.
Your deep infatuation with him, your huge soft spot for his expressive puppy eyes, his gentle, playful voice and soft dark hair, were his real weapon. You saw him, looking so devastated and your first thought was to comfort him, despite everything he had done. And you hated yourself for it, hated how much power he held over you unknowingly.
Because was there anything to explain, really? The things he said sounded pretty self-explanatory, and even the simple recollection of them made your heart squeeze painfully.
You knew youâd have to have this conversation sooner or later. He was your best friendâs brother, he used to be your best friend and you had to return to Linkon soon. He would find you then, and the conversation would have to happen either way. So wouldnât it be easier to just get it over with now and try, slowly, to move on? If moving on from that kind of heartbreak was something you were even capable of.
That was what scared you most about all of this. Caleb had been your friendâthe man you loved more fiercely than life itselfâand it had taken everything in you just to get out of bed after what you heard from him that day. And now? He had shattered your precious, tranquil solitude so suddenly, and even though you knew that you were supposed to hate himâyou should hate him, because that was the easiest way, the only way to survive the heartbreak and reclaim the part of your soul heâd so cruelly taken when he betrayed your trustâYou also knew, the moment you saw him running after you like his life depended on it, that what you felt deep inside wasnât even close to hate.
It was relief.
That he searched for you, after all. A longing, for him to somehow fix this, to tell you that it wasnât him who said these things despite the fact that it was indisputable, because you would recognize his voice everywhere, even from thousands of miles away you once thought, because of how his timbre made you feel inside. When you saw him, dressed in that stupid, stupid Colonel uniform you felt nothing but love. Love, excruciating love for someone who did not deserve it.
You were stupid, so stupid for being like this, so stupid for still thinking so fondly over the man who lied to you for years, who created a false safe space for you to drown in, who slept with you, even though he thought you were not enough for a wonderful pilot like him.
A sudden crash came from the window downstairs, making you jump in place.
You quickly ran down the stairs, your fingers brushing the wooden railing, your footsteps blending with the sound of falling rain. A cold breeze seeped through the widow, now flung wide open. The wind must have been strong enough to burst it open, and as you rushed to close it, something outside flashed in the corner of your eye.
And your heart almost stopped at the sight.
Your head turned, leaning from the window, the cool droplets hitting your skin harshly, reminding you that you were still awake, and that your eyes didnât deceive you.
Caleb was sitting right there, on the porch, leaning against the wooden beams, his head hung low, arms crossed on his chest.
And he was soaked to the bone.
Rain dripped from his hat onto his crossed arms, his posture nearly curled in on itself. His body trembled every few seconds from the cold, and the moment you realized he mustâve been standing there ever since you left himâhours ago, just before the storm rolled inâyou felt the blood rush into your head.
You left him, but he stayed right there, sitting, waiting patiently for you to come out, not knowing when it will happen. He let you go, but he never left.
âCaleb!â A sudden shout tore from your throat, laced with dread and disbelief, your hands instead of closing the window, reached for one of the blankets lying nearby. âGod, Caleb, youââ The front door bursted open and you reached him in no time, falling onto your knees before him, taking off his hat and throwing it to the side in an attempt to wake him.
He wasnât asleep. Startled, his head shot up the moment he saw you, alarmed by your sudden appearance. His eyes immediately fell to your bare legs, your sleeping shorts far too thin and short to stand against such weather, and he reached for you in a rush of panic.
âWhat are youâgo back inside, youâre goinâ to be sick!â He said alarmed and you scoffed in answer, taking notice of his wet uniform, clinging uncomfortably to his glistening skin. His hair was completely soaked too, streams of rain tracing paths down his temples and nose, the sight making you furious.
âYouâabsoluteâhypocrite!â You barked back, your hands tugging at his wet arms in an attempt to make him stand. You threw the blanket over his head first, his hand grabbing at the material, and then you began pushing him into the house. âI had no idea youâWhy did youâ?!â He raised quickly, letting you push him past the doorway, and you already felt the cold biting at your skin, the seconds spend outside enough to make you wet.
And he was sitting there for hours.
âIââ He started, but you didnât let him finish, his posture slightly slumped under the weight of the drenched uniform.
âYouâyou have a literal plane nearby, why didnât you hide in there? Itâs been raining for hours.â Words escaped you faster than you were able to form them in your head, your hands already working to remove his soaked clothes hastily. He fell completely silent, letting you ease your frustration, his eyes glued to your face. âI thought you were safe in there, I thought you already left, IâI thoughtââ The heavy material hit the floor with a loud thud, your shaking hands trying to take off the shirt he had underneath, horrified by how cold his skin was underneath your palms.
You bit your lip and sniffed, tears already streaming down your face, whether from the cold piercing at your skin, the thought of him sitting for so long, freezing outside, or from his closeness, which you were deprived of for these weeks, you werenât able to tell.
You grunted quietly, your fingers slipping from one of the buttons of his shirt, shaking too violently to take it all off. Suddenly, through your blurred vision, you saw his hands reaching for you. You felt their warmth the moment he covered yours, pressing them against his chest. His heart pounded so violently you could feel its rhythm through the wet fabric, sending a shiver down your spine.
A broken sob escaped you, the weight of reality pressing you down hard. His hands stroked your trembling arms, trying to soothe you; but it wasnât working. The stings or remorse cut through you one by one, haunted by the image of him sitting there, drenched, and cold, and shakingâ
âI didnât want you toâtoâI had no idea you were there this whole time, I thought you left tâto sit in yourââ Another sob came out stifled, because he brought you in for a hug; his hard, wet chest strangely warm and comforting. You didnât return the embrace, but stayed there, sobbing quietly, letting him drape the blanket over you both, the material somehow still dry enough to bring comfort.
âShh⌠Easy. Donât cry, okay? It was my decision to stay there.â His soft voice reached you, and another sob came out, this time right into the shirt still clinging to his chest. âI had to stay there. I couldnât leave you again. I didnât want to leave you. Iâm sorry.â He leaned down and rested his chin hesitantly on top of your head, bringing you even closer to himself. He released a long, heavy sigh, followed by a whisper of your name and another apology.
âIâm sorry.â He whispered right next to your ear, and you trembled in his strong arms.
âIâm sorry.â His hold tightening, and you hated how good it felt to have him this close again.
âIâm sorry.â His words no longer held just one meaning, and you shook your head as best you could, restrained by his tight embrace. Yet you stayed, your eyes closing, heart heavy with the knowledge that you were too weak to run away from him anymore.
The sound of the rain intensified, a thunderstorm still raging outside, and you both stayed close, Caleb cradling you to his chest, swaying gently side to side, almost lulling you to sleep. You took a deep breath, the scent of rain and him washing over you, and realized that you were ready to at least hear him out.
After you both calmed down your breaths and beating hearts, and after your bodies started warming up again, that is.
Because how can someone so warm have bad intentions? The feelings inside you were messing with your head again, and you let them, hoping you wonât regret making that decision.
Wishing, that this love wonât bring you to ruin.
The kettle began to whistle the exact moment he stepped out of the bathroom, candlelight casting his shadow across the room. Every movement danced on the walls, creating the illusion of him surrounding you from all sides. Ironic, because thatâs exactly how you felt ever since you let him back in. Your body cautious not to relax in his presence, caged by the unfamiliar weight of broken trust.
You bit your lip and began pouring hot water over the tea, waiting for the pleasant scent to reach you, hoping that it will calm your racing heartâif only for a second. Its rapid beating didnât slow down since you brought him in here willinglyâthe very man youâd successfully avoided for a whole month, dreading your next encounter, having no idea how you should act upon seeing him again.
And now there he wasâstanding behind you nervously, thinking so loudly you were almost able to hear it. Yet you stayed silent, believing that you had every right to. The awkwardness in the air wasnât your fault, after all.
Letting him inside, not being able to stand the thought of him sitting out there in the stormâthat was your doing. And you hated yourself for how easily you let your guard down, and for failing to hide the pathetic trace of love you still carried for him, even after he hurt you so deeply.
Your first encounter several hours ago didnât exactly end in the way you wanted it to: him using his Evol on you and you breaking down in tears could hardly be considered a peaceful reunion. You were both not ready to talk yet, too shaken by being in each otherâs presence after all this time. You, stubborn in your hatred. He, desperate and unraveling at the thought of loosing you again. An explosive combination, a disaster waiting to happen.
So you ran, as fast as you could from him.
And now, because you couldnât stay indifferent to his discomfort, you had nowhere to hide.
âThe clothes fit. Theyâre even a bit loose.â Calebâs light tone finally broke the silence, though the slight tremble in his voice betrayed his stress. He was as nervous as you were. âPhew, Iâm lucky your uncle isnât here today, he would totally take me in a fight. To him I would probably look like⌠a walkinâ⌠A walking stick.â Voice grew quieter with every word he spoke, and once he noticed he was rambling, he clamped his mouth shut, cussing internally.
He had always made a fool of himself when you were near, ever since the day he met you, all those years ago. Even just the sight of your turned back, the knowledge you were listening, made his head heavy with the need to impress you, and now, to make things right. He was terrified that at any moment you might lock yourself away in one of the rooms, somewhere he couldnât reach you againâand he had no idea how heâd handle it if that happened.
Suddenly, you turned to him, your eyes glued to the mugs of tea you were holding. You placed them carefully on the table in front of youâthe only piece of furniture that provided a bit of a distance you so desperately craved to have. From the corner of your eye you noticed he wasnât exaggeratingâthe black sweatpants and a white shirt seemed to be a bit loose, and you realized that his homely appearance actually made you feel a bit more at ease. Now, without his Colonel uniform to hide behind, he seemed more approachable, if not more lost.
The air of authority vanished the moment his wet suit hit the floor, leaving only an uncertain man in its wake, one who knew heâd been walking on thin ice the moment you let him into your space again.
And you just couldnât bring yourself to make him feel more welcomeâthe words he said still ringing in your ears, despite the time you spend to forget about them entirely.
âThanks for letting me stay here. And for the clothes.â He was still standing in the same spot and you still refused to meet his eyes. Your hands grabbed one of the mugs and you started blowing air to cool your tea down, thankful for that little distraction, for something warm to hold when your heart was freezing cold. âAnd I wasnât sitting there to make you pity me. If you were wondering. I wasnât tryinâ to manipulate you into anything, I justââ
âI know.â Your voice rusty from the uncontrollable sobbing from before, hands gripping the mug harder. The light from the candles was too low for you to see your reflection on the surface of the drink. Maybe it was for the best, you mustâve looked like a trembling mess, eyes puffy and lips bitten red, still shaken by the storm of emotions that had torn through you during the day. âThat, I know.â
You slowly sat on the nearest stool while he processed the meaning behind your words, still standing motionless few steps before you. You took a sipâand the warmth of the drink did nothing to soothe your nerves.
So, you waited. For something. Anything. Feeling his intense gaze on your frame, almost drilling a hole in your head, a silent prayer for you to look back at him.
You couldnât, and that broke him all over again.
âYou run away from me.â His voice trembled and your hands grabbed the mug tighter, the rain outside intensifyingâor maybe you just became aware of its sound again. âIâve searched for you everywhere. Every day. And I was loosing my mind every minute I couldnât see you.â
âDid you?â You couldnât help the venom spilling out of you, the tone mocking if it wasnât so weak. âWhy? Because of guilt? Pity? Out of obligation forââ
âGuilt? Pity? Is that what you think?â He took a step forward, and you didnât move, head held high, still not meeting his eyes. âEverything I did for you, everything I ever said to you was out ofâShitââ His hands ruffled his hair, tugging at the strands. A pause, heavy, followed by a thunder, and thenââOut of love!â The last word nearly a growl, ripped out of him suddenly, as if holding it inside brought him pain.
You froze.
A thunder roared in the distance.
And the tears filled your vision once more.
You stood abruptly, putting down the cup on the table with a loud thud, its contents spilling out, nearly burning your head. His voice calm and sure now, so sure it almost made you choke.
âOut of overwhelming love, that I have felt for you for as long as I can rememberââ
âStop.â You choked out, your head dizzy, hands shaking in fury. What was he saying? What was he evenâ
ââOut of desperation to make things right, because I couldnât bear the thought of you sitting somewhere alone, and hurting because of me, the things I said, the things I fuckinâ despise myself forââ He heard you, so he spoke much quicker, words spilling one after the other, hurting you more than you could imagine. He was getting closer to you, and you flinched, one leg already taking a step back.
He wasnât serious, he couldnât be. If he were, he wouldnât have said those things, especially not after he got to have you. It wasnât what you were prepared to hear, he was surely just messing withâ
âCaleb, please.â Not more than a whisper, a calm before the storm, your head shaking, legs feeling weak.
âI lied. I lied that day and you need to believe me. I lied because I was a coward, and I didnât know what to do, I panicked and I lied, because I love you, and theyââ
âNo, please, stop, IâI canât listen to this, it was a bad idea, Iââ With tears in your eyes you turned away and passed Caleb quickly, wanting to go back upstairs and hide: hide from his lies, from the hurt of his sudden confession, and from the way his voice sounded, so anguished and outright mad.
He didnât love you, he couldnât love you, because if he did he wouldâve told you that night, when he held you so close and whispered broken praises into your ear. He wouldâve said it then, not now, when youâd already made up your mind to cut him off, to forget the warmth of his body and the cold sting of the words you overheard.
You expected an apology, not a confession, which made and your whole facade crumble with his every word.
âNo! Pleaseââ He grabbed your hand, his touch frantic and secure, the contact and the memories it reignited made you gasp. And before you could realize what was happening, he fell down on his knees in front of you, his hands grabbing your arms, the hold strong but gentle, meant to slow you down, rather than cage.
You looked at the bare skin of his back, sticking out of the shirt, speckled with faint freckles, and noticed he looked thinner than you last saw him. Then your eyes landed on his dark hair, falling into his face freely, strands damp after the shower, but still looking so unbelievably soft.
âPlease, Iâm not lying, IâmâYou have to believe me. You have toâFuckââ
You eyes met and the time seemed to slow down.
Because you saw his beautiful, violet orbs, that always made you feel as if you were looking at the eight wonder of the world, flooded with tears for the very first time in your life.
His lips were trembling and you noticed how chapped they were, his teeth biting into them to stop himself from sobbing. You could hear the humming of your heart in your ears, your whole body shocked to stillness.
He looked absolutely torn.
And you couldnât look away; your eyes traced the path of the first tear that slipped out of his eye, down to his chin, landing in front of your bare feet.
Like an offering. A statement. The last prayer of a man who lost hope.
âIâm notâIâm not lying to you. You have to believe me, please, please.â Tears. One after the other, tracing paths on his flushed cheeks, eyes burning with sincerity, lashes wet and shiny.
You nodded slowly, a lump forming in your throat, eyes filling with tears upon the sight, but you were trying so hard to keep them at bay.
And after a sniffle, he continued, warm hands stroking your shaking arms, eyes glued to yours like a lifeline.
âI lied that day. Everything I said was a fucking lie, okay? A big, pathetic lie to save my skin, to buy me more time. I said the first things that came into my mindââ
âBut I heard you, Caleb.â You cut him off, your brows furrowing, unable to contain your confusion. âI heard you. If you really didnât mean it how could you sound so sure? You said these things without even a single thought, and you expect me toââ
âI didnât have to think! I just twistedâI think I just twisted the truthââ
âWow. TâThatâs low Caleb. Thatâs really, really lowââ And when you started to back out from his hold he grabbed you harder, his arms going to circle around your waist, his face pushing into your stomach. You gasped and before you managed to push him away, his next words made you stop.
âNo! Wait, shit, thatâs not what I meant. Donât go.â A sob escaped his lips and you took a deep breath, your hand almost reaching to caress his head. Youâve never seen him so broken and the need to comfort him was overwhelming. The sight of his tears excruciating. âI said you were clingy and you areââ Another sharp tug, but he refused to let you go. âYou are. You are clingy and thatâs okay, that perfectly fine, thatâs perfect. And I love that about you. Every time you were holding my sisterâs hand, I wished, GodâHow I wished you would hold mine instead. I wished, I prayed you would cling to me instead. Just as much as I wanted to cling to you.â He raised his head and you saw that he was telling the truth in the way his eyes gleamed, and his cheeks burned red, body trembling against yours.
And you felt your legs nearly bucking under your weight, his words making your head spin, not knowing whether you should stay offended or let him take your breath away once more.
âButâbut what about me being annoying? You saidââ
âYou loved to push my buttons ever since we were kids, you are trying to annoy me all the time, just how I try to annoy you back. But for me, every jab, every joke, it was always to catch your attention. A pitiful attempt for you to just look at me, even for a fleeting second. And it workedâMC always called us annoying because of it, remember? Thatâs why it came to me so quickly. Thatâs the only reason I said it so surely.â
He was talking so fast he nearly lost his breath, his chest heaving against you, arms still holding you close to his chest. You took a deep breath and wanted to think, to have a second to process it, the burn in your cheeks intensifying, his words actually starting to make sense, because of your usual dynamic.
But it wasnât all. It wasnât what hurt you the most.
âYou told them about my fear.â Calebâs huge, red-rimmed eyes never left yours, and you fought with yourself not to fix the strands of hair that were slightly blocking his vision. His lips formed a straight line and turned slightly downwards, making him look like a kicked puppy. And you felt your anger slowly slipping, hope filling the hole in your heart. âAnd you listed it as my fault. You took my biggest fear and embarrassed me for it, made me feel like I wasnât enough. I didnât evenâI didnât even know you noticed how scared I was whenââ
âI did. I notice everything about you. Of course I noticed.â His strong hands hugged you tighter, and a single tear slipped out of your eye. He was still kneeling before you, showing no signs of raising. âJust how I noticed that it didnât keep you from visiting me at my place, even though the stillness of the clouds terrified you to the point of loosing sleep. But itâs okay. It doesnât change a single thing for me. I only dreamed of showinâ you the view from the clouds, I hoped that I would take you up there with me one day, to show you that it doesnât have to be scary. That itâs actually beautiful, and freeing, and calm up there. Cause I would protect you, always. And if you didnât change your mind it would be fineâIt would always be fine. I would just share with you the stories âbout the things I saw. And I would be the happiest to do it.â His shaking hands reached to touch your face and wiped the tears from your cheeks, ones that you had no idea you even shed. âI never thought about it as your flaw. Never. For me, you are nothing but a wonder.â
His touch was feather-light and comforting, his hands warm and so painstakingly familiar, bringing you back to the night that changed everything. How he held you back then, as if you were something fragile, something precious.
A wonder.
A sob tore through your body and he shook his head, hushing you quietly, his hands taking a hold of yours, bringing them to his lips, pressing a kiss to every single one of your knuckles.
âThen, why? Why did you list it as one? I justâI just donât understand why, Caleb.â You cried out, one of your hands leaving his to cover your face from him. The past month of running away flashed before your eyes, making you even more tired. And although you wanted nothing more than to believe him and let yourself be held, he still didnât give you the reason for saying such things. âWhy did you even say that? If you lied, why did you do that? Why, Caleb, why did I have to hearâ?â
You were crying again, and Caleb looked at you from his knees in panic, his hands caressing your arms, spine straightening so that his head could rest against your chest. The way he hugged you so tenderly made you want to hug him back, your head fighting with your heart. Yet he still didnât give you all the answers, no matter how better the situation seemed now. You still had doubts about believing him at all.
There was a beat, or two, and he let out a deep sigh, hands gripping you tighter.
You sniffled, the word around going completely quiet, just to be disturbed by his quiet groan.
âIâm evenâIâm even embarrassed to say.â He stood up slowly, and you gulped, his size all-consuming, making him be the only thing you could see. You took a careful step back, and he took one of your hands in his hesitantly. From this position he was too stressed to hug you, opting for less intense contact, especially when your hand was still limp in his, not reciprocating the hold. He scratched at his neck, his eyes meeting yours, an anticipation visible on your features. âAnd I know that wonât make the situation better.â
âCalebââ
âYes. Yes, I knowâTheyââ A squeeze of your hand, the orange spark in his eyes shining beautifully, making your breath hitch. His hand went up to gently touch your face, fingers tracing patterns along your cheek. âThey started talkinâ bout girls that day. The boys, my friends from college.â His brows furrowed, eyes looking at your face as if searching for something there. You listened patiently, his earlier words still ringing inside your head, the gravity of them almost crushing you. âAsked me if I knew someone they could go out with. I said ânoâ. They didnât believe me, though.â His eyes narrowed, chin went down slightly in annoyance while recollecting the conversation. âThey started teasing me about MC first. Asking if I would like to have a brother, too. But then one of them mentioned you.â His eyes darkened, the hand on your cheek stopped its caress. âSaid he liked you. And that he already had your number. He was pretty confident, said something âbout you two having a connection. He said he talked with you that one time you and MC were visitinâ me in my dorm, and IâI started sweating right then and there.â
Your frown deepened but you already knew where this was going. You closed your eyes and swore under your breath, one hand covered your mouth in shock. You couldnât even remember the guy.
âAndâAnd we just slept together that night, and I finally got to hold you, caress you, kiss youâI was on cloud nine. Wasnât thinking clearly. And I wanted to tell him about us, that you were mine, but I realized that we havenât talked about it. And you werenât there when I woke upââ
âCaleb, I overslept for work, I had to leave quicklyââ
âIâm so, so sorry, but I wasnât sure. I havenât confessed to you either, I was just tooâtoo overwhelmed, I felt too much, I thought too much and I realized that I couldnât tell them youâre mine because you werenât. Not yet.â You bit your lip and looked at him in disbelief, his face getting closer. He put a strand of your hair behind your ear, and his jaw tightened. âAnd when he asked me what I thought âbout you I couldnât tell him the truth. If he knew what I felt he wouldnât let you go. They wouldnât let you go, it would only make them want you more.â
You felt your hands shaking, your mouth opening and closing, not knowing what to say. His hands were still holding yours, feeling the tremble, caressing them with his thumbs in an attempt to bring you comfort.
âBut you knew that what happened between us wasnât a one time thing. You knew how I felt about you, and if you felt the same why didnât you justââ
âI wasnât sure if youâd pick me, if you had a different choice. And at that moment, I wanted to make sure you would. That they wouldnât take you away from me. And that they would never want to again.â His hands cupped your cheeks, and you felt how rough and warm they were, your hands immediately going to hold at his wrists. He closed his eyes for a moment and you couldnât believe what he was saying.
It was all a misunderstanding. And all of this happened because he was jealous? He hurt you so much just because he didnât want others to reach out to you?
âSo you had to say all these things about me? And that was supposed to be a better alternative than lying about us being together? Caleb, it really doesnât soundââ You pushed his arms away, legs taking you further away from him, craving some space to think things through, but he followed suit, hands already reaching for you again.
âI panicked. Iâm so, so, so sorry, I didnât know what to do, I didnât know where we stood, and I had no idea if that would make a difference for them. I had to say something to discourage them. So I did.â His hands went to tug at his hair and now he was the one who took a step back, breathing louder, obviously distressed. âAnd I hated myself for it. It felt so wrong the moment it came out of my mouth and I wasnât even sure if they even believed me. And then I heard you. Fuck, when I heard youââ
A loud crash, making every single doubtful look from the boys leave Calebâs face. Grateful for a distraction, his head heavy, heart burning with the weight of his lies. But when he opened the door and noticed your makeup scattered across the floor, his heart sank to his stomach. A wave of terror froze his body for a short while, until he heard you fumbling with the front door.
He didnât even think about using his Evol, your beautiful frame running away from him enough to make him panic, the things he said hanging above his head, the knowledge that you had heard them becoming his worst nightmare.
And later, when he returned to his empty apartment after hours spend searching for you, calling you in hope youâd pick up, even by accidentâhe finally broke down. He screamed, throwing his phone against the wall, making it shatter. His Evol spiraled out of control, shifting the furniture, crashing the plates, the entire place left looking as if it had been broken into.
He lost you on the day he finally got to have you. And ever since that day, he hadnât known peace, until your phone lit up again, a single red dot glowing on his device, revealing your location.
He left the Fleet right then and there in the middle of the meeting, everything else forgotten. Every duty postponed, every shout of his name ignored.
There wasnât anything more important than you.
And now you were standing before him, as beautiful as the day he lost you, with tears in your eyes and your heart no longer open for him to take solace in. The eyes which used to look at him with mirth and affectionânow uncertain, scared of him hurting you again.
And he felt that he was at his limitâone more second away from you and he thought heâll burst into flames, the intensity of his feelings will turn him to ashes.
So, he begged.
âIâm so sorry. Please. Believe me. Take me back. Give me one more chance. Iâm so sorry I hurt you. I swear I will never to it again, as long as I live.â You flinched when he fell onto his knees again, your arms trying to catch him before his knees hit the floor, but it was useless, his body too heavy for you to hold.
âCaleb! Caleb, stop doing thatââ You grabbed his arm in an attempt to pick him up, but he was too strong, his bicep not even tightening. Goosebumps appeared on his skin under your palms and his head fell onto your arm pathetically.
And you just couldnât look at him when he acted this way, your anger dissipating, the situation although still not idealâhim lying, then saying such things behind your back, whether he meant them or not, wasnât something you could forgive him after one conversation.
Yet you couldnât bear to look at him like thatâon his knees, begging for forgiveness, crying and shaking, words slipping uncontrollably from his lips. In all the years youâd known him, this was the most vulnerable you had ever seen himâand the sight made your eyes sting. The image of the man you lovedâonce an unshakable, controlled pillar of strengthâreduced to a broken mess before you.
You now knew why he did it. And that he didnât mean it, not in the way you thought he did.
And you understood the jealousy, the anger, and the selfishness, because you had times you felt such way about him too. The image of him with another making you nauseous, the possibility of him loving someone else like a dagger cutting through your chest.
You took a deep breath, and glanced at him again. His shaking back, hands clinging to your body in an attempt to keep you close.
And you had made your decision.
âOh, CalebâŚâ
To believe him.
âCaleb, please stand up!â
To build your relationship back up again, no matter how long iâll take. And you just hoped you were making the right one.
âNâNo, you have to understand. Please. I love you. Iâm sorry. And Iâll do anything to earn your forgiveness, no matter how long it takes.â He breathed into your arm, his face snuggling into it, his head slowly rising, eyes meeting yours.
And you gasped at the anguish displayed all over his pretty eyes, two eternal sunsets clouded with misery.
âI love you. So much. I am in love with you, and Iâll do anything to prove it, Iâll spend my whole life trying to make it up to you. You want me to give you more space? Iâll do that. I will try to do that. You want me to leave the Fleet? Just say a word. I will. I will follow you to the end of space and time. You like it here? I can build you the exact same house with my own hands, brick after brick, and it would be the most beautiful, peaceful of places, you own private sanctuary. I willââ
Your knees hit the floor, joining him and you grabbed his wet cheeks in your hands, yanking his head down to meet your lips, effectively shutting him up.
And he melted.
Putty in your hands, leaning into your touch instantly, his chapped lips warm against yours, his soft sigh vibrating between your mouths. And when you broke the kiss and met his sparkling eyes, round with surprise and hope, you send him a small smile, holding back the tears that threatened to fall.
You wouldnât let them. Not anymore. Not when for the first time in weeks you finally believed that you will be okay.
It was all a huge misunderstanding. A big mistake, fueled by insecurities, secrets kept for far too long, his desperation to keep you near, no matter the means. When he spoke so rapidly, afraid youâll leave him again, you realized that wanting to keep you to himself might have been one of the few times in his life he had ever done something purely for himselfâeven if his methods were far from right.
You could see now, that behind his thick skin, and the air of countless of responsibilities, he was still just a boy that had to grow up too quickly. For MC. For you. For all of you to live as comfortably as you could, the burden of all your issues and failures always spoken to him, knowing that he will be able to help and find a solution for all of them.
And yet, he never confessed when something bothered him, his feelings and desires always bottled up inside, kept hidden and threatened to spill when it got too much for him to handle.
And that one time, when faced with the threat of someone taking you away from him, the threat of loosing you, the one he loved, he acted on instinct. He chose the option that wasnât fair, and certainly wasnât healthy, but he truly believed it could work to keep you beside him for a while longer.
He wasnât used to being selfish, so he had no idea how to start, and how to do it right.
He looked down at you through half-closed eyes, taking you in and memorizing your small smileâone he felt he hadnât seen in ages. Then he dove in for another kiss, his arms wrapping around your frame, pulling you tightly to his chest. He couldnât believe that you kissed him, his brows furrowing, wanting to make this moment last forever.
And you reciprocated every single one of his hasty kisses, your head finally freed from the questions that dragged you down.
You will work this out. You will fix this, together. And you will make sure heâll know how you feel, so that he could finally realize that he doesnât have to fight dirty battles just to keep you close. Because you would never want anyone else who wasnât him.
âCaleb-mmmh. Caleb, oh God, wait.â He reluctantly let your lips go, your lungs filling with a deep breath, and you hugged him around his waist, feeling the fast beating of his heart under your ear. He placed his shaking hand on your head, stroking your hair, placing a chaste kiss on the crown of your head.
âSorry, canât stop. Come back here, you kissed me first.â And he took your cheeks in his palms and dived in, wanting to capture your lips in his again, but you blocked his mouth with your hand, making him frown.
You giggled softly, eyes still teary, making his eyes sparkleâmesmerized by the happiness finally breaking through the walls youâd build around yourself over the past month. He kissed your fingers once, twice, his arms resting at your waist as he lost himself in the warmth of your body, and the pleasant fragrance of your skin.
He felt as though he had returned to where he truly belonged. He had finally come home.
You opened your mouth, your cheeks flushed and eyes sincere, and nothing could prepare him for what you said next, your tone soft, slightly unsure, a melody only for him to hear.
âI believe you, Caleb. But you hurt me that day so badly, I thought I would never get over that heartbreak. I thought I lost you, my best friend, the only boy I ever cared so deeply for. I thought you really hated me all this time. And I couldnât face it, couldnât even think about it, thatâs why I fled.â He nodded quickly, eyes holding so much hurt and regret. You slid one of your hands into his hair, stroking the soft strands gently. And thats when you both sat down on the warm floor, bodies relaxing, hearts slowing down. âBut itâs okay. I understand you now. And Iâm sorry too, for not letting you explain yourself sooner. I was just so focused on trying to hate you to somehow cope with what Iâve heardââ
âStop, itâs my fault, donâtââ
âI shouldnât have run away. I shouldâve faced you, even if I was scared of what Iâll learn. But it will take some time for me to forget about it, okay? It reallyâIt really messed me up. The thought you put up with me only because it was convenient.â You bit your lip and he groaned softly, his head lowering, a symphony of apologies falling from his lips once again. You hushed him gently, taking his cheeks in your hands and wiping away the wet trails of his tears. He sniffed quietly, making your heart squeeze. âBut it will be okay. Because I believe you. So you donât have to be scared anymore, I wonât run away again.â His body shook as he kept nodding, biting at his lips, trying so hard not to interrupt you. You leaned over him again, the movement slow, and you looked deep into his eyes, silently asking for permission. Once his eyelashes fluttered, eyes looking at your lips expectantly, you placed a soft kiss on his swollen ones, red from his constant biting, still salty from the tears he shed. âAnd you have to promise to be honest with me. No more tricks. No more lies.â
âI promise.â Your name escaped his lips like a prayer. âI promise. I will never hurt you again, I swear. I promise. I love you more than you could ever realize.â
He groaned into another kiss, a quiet âmmmâ followed by the touch of his hands on your cheeks. He brought you to himself closer, one kiss turning into three, four, five and still counting, yet all of them gentle and reassuring, meant to anchor, not escalate. One of his hands landed on your hip and tugged, touch meaningfulâhe wanted for you to sit in his lap, and although you were still shaken, you craved the closeness as much as he did.
You climbed onto his lap, your thighs bracketing his hips as he deepened the kiss, his tongue teasing at your lower lip.
You let him in, slowly, unhurriedly, your ears catching the sound of the falling rain, the storm coming back with the same intensity as beforeâbut this time, it didnât feel like a bad omen anymore.
You parted with a quiet pop, Calebâs head instinctively following yours, unwilling to let the distance linger. His large hands caressed your arms and thighs, his expression love-drunk, looking as if he couldnât believe you were really here with him again.
His eyes met with yours and you swiped the pads of your fingers below his under eyes, tracing the faint freckles.
A whistle of the wind, a spatter of rain against the window, the sound of your beating hearts, and thenâ
âI love you too, Caleb.â His breath hitched, hands clenching on the material on your shirt, eyes big and shining with disbelief. âI love you. So much. Youâre the only boy Iâve ever loved.â His eyes closed and he rested his forehead against yours, the tips of your noses touching in a gesture so gentle your eyes stung.
âAgain. Repeat that for me.â He whispered in awe, and you obeyed, another confession spoken into the night. One of the candles burned out, marking the end of a chapter, and, hopefully, the end of your separation. âHmm, again.â He probed and you did, watching as a soft smile spread on his lips, his thumbs swiping circles into the exposed skin of your thighs. âWanna hear it again.â Calebâs voice unbearably soft, his touches even more so, and you put your hands on both sides of his neck, putting more distance between you. âAnd again. And again. I never want you to stop saying it.â
He opened his eyes and studied your face, eyes closing when you pressed a lingering kiss on one of his eyelids, his breath shaky, hands warm against your skin.
âI love you. Have been for so long I lost count ages ago.â His lips formed a line, happiness squeezing at his chest, and he nodded once, eyes opening slowly to bore into yours and donât stray.
âAges?â He repeated, partly mimicking your words from weeks ago, but still visibly shaken, chest filling with the warm ache of being accepted. Of loving, and being loved in return.
He cursed himself internally, eyes nearly filling with tears, dread rising in his chest at the thought that he had almost lost you, because of his selfishness and insecurities.
You kissed his lips again and he almost sobbed right into yours, his head falling onto your shoulder, kissing the soft skin, feeling the way in which it warmed up under the contact. He hugged you to his chest, kissing your neck, wanting to be even closer, to get under your skin, to merge with you for evermore and never let go.
âAges.â Your answer sure and final, your arms returning his embrace, hands tracing patterns into the skin of his strong back. His necklace rested right next to your heart, where it should always be.
You began to hum a lullaby,letting your soft voice replace the harsh sounds of the rain and thunder. The melody drifted through the house, seeping into the walls, and into Calebâs memory.
And when he whispered more confessions, his lips marking your skin with them, you exhaled a long, steady sigh, marking the end of this cruel storm.
And later, as you fell asleep in a tight embrace, listening to each otherâs heartbeats and imagining the life ahead of you, neither of you noticed the objects gently floating around the roomâsilent signs of Calebâs excitement. The heavy stone of guilt had finally lifted from his chest. He had won you back, and he wasnât going to let you get hurt againânot by him, not by anyone else. He swore to protect you, and he would keep that promise for as long as he lived.
And if the sound of plant pots shattering, books tumbling, and your things scattering around woke you up from your slumber hours later, his puppy eyes, a kiss to your cheek and a promise of a breakfast in bed was enough to make you melt. You could always clean it up later.
This time, together.
*bonus!*
3 years later
* 15+ unread messages from [ my miss hunter!<3 ]*
âď¸ hii babey, why is caleb being so weird today??? he literally called me earlier, asked me to freaking pray for him and hung up on me that menace.
âď¸ did u like fight or smth? u never fight what did he do this time
âď¸ the last time he acted so weird was when he ate his bday cake day early cause he didnât realize what it was for, remember that? what do u see in him i cant quite understand weâre like, losers trapped in hot bodies istg
âď¸ wait he just send me a pic
âď¸ OH MY GODDDSSG???? BABY CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! THIS SECRETIVE LITTLE SHInzsn
âď¸ you look so happy in that picture!! im literally bawling, the ringâs so pretty and you both look gorgeous. im so so so happy for you (*ęŚŕş´ęłęŚŕşľ)⥠⥠⥠i love you guys sm please INVITE ME TO THE WEDDING IN CASE CALEB FORGETS TO TELL HIS SIS SOMETHING THIS IMPORTANT AGAIN
âď¸ im so happy for you, canât stop looking at ur lil happy faces. U both deserve the world. NEXT UP!! picking a wedding dress!!!!! Im already on it, youâll look like a PRINCESS!!! ŕ´Śŕľŕ´Śŕ´ż ËÍĚęłËÍĚ )â§ gorgeous little b calebâs a lucky maaaaan
âď¸ call me when youâre done with kissing!! or u know, other stuff. u guys can be pretty gross.
âď¸ i love you. both. canât wait for the wedding!!!!!! AHH!!!
thank u for reading!! đ¤ if u managed to that oneâs LONG. I hope it was worth ur time đĽş
if u want to support me, u can do it here!!: https://ko-fi.com/kitimeq
every like, comment and reblog would mean the world to me đ¤
â.ËâŽsummary: popular among girls, distant and intimidating troublemakerâthatâs how others saw him. gentle, charming and intelligent boy, who had no idea what personal space wasâthatâs how you knew him. and although the truth lied somewhere in between, one thing was certain: xavier would do anything to finally make you his. starting with asking you out, of course.
â.ËâŽtags: bad boy xavier, punk xavier, college setting, kinda meet cute, but more like talking to each other for the first time cute, self-confident xavier, but also shy xavier, the duality of this man is insane, he has TATTOOS, and PIERCING, and heâs so djbdgdsb yess yess, i did it for myself iâm sorry, smoker xavier, but not for long hehehihi, heâs a gentleman, and totally whipped, like, absolutely whipped for the reader, sfw, yet!! if i continue it it would turn mdni for sure.
please let me know if u liked it and if u would be interested in reading more <33
âAaaand heâs looking at you again.â Simone snapped you out of your thoughts, making your fingers stop their frantic movements over the keyboard. The two of you were sitting at the campus cafĂŠ, desperate to finish your assignments as quickly as you possibly could, thinking that each otherâs company and your favorite sweet drinks might make the work at least a little bit more enjoyable.
And it actually workedâyou were almost done with your essay, and judging by your friendâs relaxed posture and the fact that she had time to observe her surroundings, she mustâve finished hers too.
âHmm? Who?â You asked with a small smile, noticing how the cream from her coffee sat above her upper lip, creating the illusion of a thin mustache and making her look like a cute little detective. You pulled out a napkin from the holder and brought it to her lips, muffling her next words in the process.
âXavier, that punk guy whoâoh, thank you, baby, it always makes me look like Freddie Mercuryâwho studies some kind of engineering.â You laughed softly at her added comment and placed the dirty napkin on your small, empty plate. âGirl, you heard what I said? Xavier. That Xavier has literally been drilling a hole in your head for the past hour or so, with those sexyâlike, dangerously sexyâeyes of his. And thatâthat piercingâand, and, you know what? You donât seem concerned in the slightest, what if heâs like, mad at you or something? He always looks kinda scary. Sexy-scary, but still.â The last sentence said in a whisper, and you snorted, picking up your iced drink and taking a slow sip.
âOookay, I think Iâve heard enough.â You laughed and shook your head, one hand returning to the keyboard to save your file. âHeâs not mad at me. I know him. If heâs looking our way, he probably recognized me, but is too shy to say hi.â You finished your drink with not-so-quiet slurp, your lips immediately letting go of the straw as you looked around bashfully, hoping no one had noticed.
âToo shy? Have you lost your mind? Or are there more scary-looking Xaviers around campus that I donât know about?â She leaned forward, lowering her voice, and you closed your laptop with a sigh. You didnât like that she called him scary, you always thought his usual pout, scowl or mask of indifference made him look kinda cute.
You checked the time on your phone and noticed that one of your electives was starting in 20 minutesâif you wanted to be there on time, youâd have to leave in a second.
âBesides, you know him? Since when?â
âRemember that one poetry elective I had to take last semester? We had a group project as the final assignment, and he was part of my group.â You watched with amusement as her mouth opened in shock, her brows furrowing. âAnd heâs actually really sweet. And smart, too, just not that much of a talker.â You shrugged, your eyes dropping as you remembered how the other group members had acted toward him back then.
How they talked behind his back, assuming he wouldnât do his part of the project. How they doubted his abilities and overall academic competence as a conversation starter when he was sometimes late to meetingsâand how quiet and reserved they became when he finally joined you.
You quickly got angry on his behalf, knowing that he had never been rude or disrespectful to any of you, and every single task he was assigned was sent to the group chat just a couple hours later. The fact that they treated him that way because of some rumor about him being a troublemaker, and his eye-catching, rough appearance, was what made you finally speak up.
ââHeâs kind of a lost cause. He wouldnât finish it anyway. What a guy like him can know about poetry? Iâm surprised he can read at all.â One of the guys from the group commented again, taking advantage of Xavierâs absence. The meeting had just started, and you were sure he would comeâjust a tad bit later. You always assumed he had a class beforehand, but he never said anything when he realized that this particular hour suited the rest of you best.
He was always like this, youâd noticed it some time ago. He never wanted to cause any issues, always silently accepting and diligently working on whatever task was assigned to him. And yet, at nearly every meeting, he was dragged under the bus before he even had a chance to show up.
Their reactions surprised you a lot. You didnât know Xavier personally before, but you knew of him, it was hard not to. He had a reputation as a reserved troublemaker and was extremely popular among girls, who seemed to try asking him outâ or at least getting a good make-out sessionâprobably every day, always without success. Ironically, that only made him a more intriguing target. He had the face of an angel, a body decorated like a fallen one, and the physique of an athlete, all on top of being seemingly unobtainable. Girls were totally head over heels for him, which actually made you pity him, knowing how much unwanted attention it probably brought.
And although he was pretty introverted and a little rough around the edges, people generally seemed to like him. He was intimidating, and he spoke his mind surely, but he didnât seem like someone who went around looking for a fight. Within your project group, he was usually quiet and cooperative, which is why you couldnât understand why they were suddenly being so harsh toward him.
Thatâs why on that day, you finally snapped.
âOh, shut up, Matt. What do you know about poetry anyway? Most of us are here just because it fit our schedules.â You stood up from the table in the park, your designated meeting place, your hands pressing firmly against the polished wood. You couldnât listen to Xavier being dragged anymore, judged solely on his appearance, when you knew he was actually quite engaged in the project. âAnd yes, maybe heâs a little late sometimes but he always shows up, and does the work perfectly. Besides, heâs never been rude to any of you, so I donât understand why youâre always so awful to him.â Your face, and the slightly harsher edge to your voice, betrayed your annoyance, but you had finally lost the patience to care about their opinion of you.
Some of the girls who had been too afraid to speak up smiled at you encouragingly, while the main bully just shrugged, looking up at you nonchalantly with one arm draped over the back of the chair beside him.
âHe looks like bad news. And gets on my nerves.â He answered simply, and if you werenât red from anger before, you sure were now. âAnd he probably sells drugs or someââ
âAnd you look like a complete asshole right now.â You snapped, already frantically stuffing your notes into your bag. You refused to hear any more of this, not about a boy who had literally done nothing wrong to deserve such harsh words every time you met. âAnd you shouldnât fucking care what he looks like. From what we know, heâs hard-working and smart, and he definitely has feelings, too. He deserves basic human respect, donât you think?â You slung your bag over your shoulder and shot the guy another glare, completely ignoring their staresâwhich were definitely no longer aimed at youâand the quiet shadow that had appeared behind you some time ago. âIâll send you the file by the end of the week. I wonât sit around, wasting time with someone whoâd rather talk shit than do actual work. Now, if youâll excuse mââ
Bump.
Your body bounced off a hard chest clad in a leather jacked, and by the time strong, tattooed hands gently grabbed your shoulders to steady you, you were already blushing.
Because Xavier was right there behind you. For God knows how long.
You snapped your head up, your panicked eyes meeting his deep bluesâcalm, gentle and understandingâ as he continued to hold your shoulders, even though he mustâve know you had already gained your balance. You studied him for a moment: his longish hair, a mullet peeking out from the leather collar of his jacket, and ears adorned with various piercings. Your gaze drifted to his lips, drawn absentmindedly to the small silver ring on the side of his bottom lip, which he was now biting slightly.
Oh, God. Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, Godâ
âSâSorry, I was justâleavingââ You said quickly, your eyes suddenly finding the grass fascinating. You could still feel the warmth of his hands lingering on your shoulders, along with the fresh, calming scent of a fabric softener mixed with something so uniquely comfortingâ
âIâll walk you home, then.â His hands traveled slowly down your arms before he let go, your cheeks burning as you avoided his gaze at all costs. It was probably the first time he had spoken to you directly, spoken to any of you directly, really. His soft voice was usually directed at no one in particular, offering sparse but meaningful comments during your brainstorming sessions.
How much had he heard? Was he angry? He didnât look angry. Why did he want to walk you home? He never walked any of you home.
âNo! I mean, noâno, thank you, thatâs so nice of you, Xavier, really, but I live pretty close by. You shouldnât bother.â He adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder, and you noticed him turning his head toward the others.
âI could never be bothered byâDid you just fucking roll your eyes at her?â His calm voice suddenly turned cold, the tone not raised, but much sharper. Your head turned to the person he was now staring at, and you saw Mattâs eyes widen. âI asked you a fucking question. Did you roll your eyes at her?â
âAnd if I did then what are you going to do? Beat me up?â
âWow, really Matt? Youâre such a child.â You turned to him fully, but an arm blocked your way, an intricate tattoo depicting the moon cycle peeking from one rolled up sleeve.
âApologize to her and you wonât have to find out.â You looked up at Xavier and almost smiled, noticing how the role of protector had flipped. But the intense stare he used to size up the annoying colleague made the hairs on the back of your nape stand on end. He sure looked intimidating when he wanted to. âI said, apologize.â
And when the silence began to stretch, and Xavier took a deliberate step forward, you grabbed his bicep, surprisingly firm and muscular, oh wow, and started to lead him away, afraid the conversation would turn sour in a matter of seconds.
Letting him walk you home wasnât such a bad idea after all, you decided, feeling the sweat nearly drip from your temple.
âWait, he didnât apologize to you yet, and I wonât let him get away until he does.â You heard Xavierâs voice a step behind you but decided to continue your path, until you reached a safer distance.
âItâs okay. Iâm not accepting apologies from ignorant jerks, anyway.â You heard a soft huff of laughter from him, and your lips curved into a small smile. Your steps slowed a moment later, and you took a deep breath, watching the clouds drift slowly across the sky while the gentle wind eased the burn of your cheeks. âWere you really planning to fight him?â
He was walking beside you now, your hand no longer holding his arm, and when you finally looked his way, you were startled to find him already watching you.
You could understand why people were wary of himâwhen he was right there beside you, his overall size was pretty intimidating. He towered over you an impressive amount of inches, and his body type, which you used to think was rather lanky, turned out to be more on the athletic side. With his lip and ear piercings, and now, clearly, an eyebrow piercing too, two small dots on either side of his eyebrow, paired with several tattoos on his hands and his rather muted wardrobe choice, he could raise some concerns.
Could, but didnât have to. Not when his eyes were so gentle and kind, looking at you as if you had hung all the stars in the sky. To you, he looked like a prince: gentle features, silky-soft hair and a graceful stance that made him, ironically, the least intimidating person youâd met. It actually struck you how handsome he was, too. Much more handsome up close than from the distance, your heart fluttered nervously.
âHmm. He disrespected you so, yes. Probably. Itâs better to let him think I would. I usually donât start fights.â Was his answer, his steps matching your pace, heavy, black combat boots stepping silently beside your white sneakers. You felt a tug at your arm, and before you could protest, he started carrying your handbag along his. All your protests died in your throat the moment he looked at you and shook his head. Message received. âI only end them.â Xavier added like an afterthought, and it didnât sound like bragging but more like stating a fact. You laughed quietly and nodded, unsure what to say as your mind drifted back to the events from moments ago.
âIâm sorry forââ
âThank youââ
You both started to speak at the same time and quickly stopped, a nervous laugh escaping from you. You looked at him again and noticed that his eyes were crinkled at the corners too. He adjusted his handbag on his shoulder and cleared his throat.
âForgive me, but Iâll start. Because you have nothing to apologize for.â A sigh left your lips, and you started playing with your fingers, his answer easing your worries. He looked straight ahead when he spoke again. âI heard what you said to them. How you protected me. You didnât have to do that.â
âNo, I did. It wasnât the first time they said such things and I shouldâve spoken my mind much, much sooner.â You started speaking, annoyed again, the nearly forgotten rage rising inside you once more. âYou were nothing short of helpful and kind to us and it was a pleasure to work with you! I just couldnât listen to him spouting nonsense anymore.â
And when you tried to meet his eyes again, you noticed the tips of his ears were red.
âIt was a pleasure to work with you, too.â His voice like a balm to your irritation, every single second spent in his presence confirming your beliefs about him being a secret sweetheart. âBut Iâm used to people taking shit about me, actually. And I really donât care what they think.â
âWell, itâs good. You shouldnât.â His lip piercing caught your eye again, and you decided it suit him very well. You also noticed that you had slowed down, but this time you were matching the pace he set. âBut it doesnât make it fine. So next time, stand up for yourself too, okay? You were quick to do that for me, so it shouldnât be much of a problem to treat yourself with the same kindness, right?â
Xavierâs eyes suddenly met yours, his mouth opening and closing slightly as if he couldnât find the right words to say. The tips of his ears were red, and he put a hand behind his back, stroking at the skin lightly, nervously.
âMhm. Right.â His eyes drifted to your face, studying it intently. You found his gaze extremely intense, peeking from behind his silver strands, but you didnât mind. His presence was actually very calming, both his voice and body language relaxed and almost dreamy-like.
Xavier stopped suddenly, making you wonder if he had forgotten something, or if your conversation was over, and he was about to return your bag and head his own way. Instead, he leaned toward you, took your hand in hisâhis touch feather-light, your fingers cradled gently in hisâand he brought it up to his lips.
A kiss. Gentle one, but lingering, pressed just below your knuckles. You felt the warmth of his lips and the cool touch of the metal ring against your skin, and you swallowed hard the moment he opened his eyes and looked straight at you.
And it was a look you would reminisce about for weeks to come, because of how seen you felt right in that very moment. The clouds continued their never-ending journey across the sky, and the birds chirped a melody to which you were usually unaware. A look resembling a full conversation. A look holding meaning, one that you werenât sure you were able to grasp yet.
âThank you, my sweet little knight.â He whispered against your skin, and you gulped, your heart racing, mind blanking for a short while. âIt seems I gained my own guardian angel today.â And when you saw how genuine he was, your body melted into his touch completely, your chest swelling with the quiet pride of knowing you did something good today.
âAnytime, princess.â
And when your ears caught his sudden, bubbly laugh, short canines on full display, that seemed to surprise even him, you didnât let it become forgotten for the months to come, keeping the sound close to your heart.
You remembered the first day you actually talked to each other other and smiled softly; the walk home filled with interesting stories and shared laughter, the intimidating bubble heâd once seemed trapped in popped the moment you spent real time with him, leaving only the image of a sweet gentleman behind.
It wasnât the only time you talked either, although after the elective course had ended your ways parted completely: your interactions scarce and happening usually when you were in a rush, or already late, to your classes.
A smile on your lips, followed by a happy wave of your hand met with the surprised, gentle spark in his eyes, and you were already gone.
There were only a handful of times youâd managed to exchange a word or twoâusually while waiting in line at the coffee machine, with him asking about your major and interests, or when you were passing by him in the library, where youâd quickly complimented his new tattoo: a constellation on his forearm, still covered by a piece of second skin.
Quick, fleeting interactions; nothing more.
However, you found yourself thinking about him sometimes. About his melodic voice, a gentleness serving a sharp contrast to how rough he couldâve seemed to others. His soft hair, how you wondered what it would feel like to bury your fingers in it and stroke the strands gently. His lean but muscular build, his strong arms adorned with inkâart so majestic you found it hard to look away sometimes, your mind wandering, wondering if he had more tattoos on other parts of his body, and if so, where would they be hidden? And what would they depict?
His lips, soft pink hue, decorated with a silver ring, the coolness of which you already felt when he kissed your hand that day. And on the most desperate of nights, you let your mind imagine how it would feel pressed against your lips.
You shook your head, the thoughts unwanted and totally unnecessary, knowing that it was just a fleeting acquaintance. You couldnât like him that way, because you knew that you surely werenât his type at all. You werenât even sure why your mind started thinking about him in such a way, your type being usually the complete opposite. But you guessed that it was just because of how charming he was, how clever and funny, how awkward at times. How kind to you. And how absolutely gorgeous his eyes wereâalways looking at you with patience and an interesting kind of wonder.
It didnât matter. You were only colleagues, and he was too popular and too different from you to actually be interested. So, you stopped thinking about it some time ago.
ââNot that much of a talker,â she says. I neverânever!âheard him talk. And I had few electives with him, mind you.â The voice of your friend brought you back from wonderland. You decided not to answer anything to that, thinking that if you told her that he was the one who usually initiated conversations with you, she would probably have a stroke. âYou are one lucky girl. You have your own guard dog now.â
âYeah. Maybe.â You answered absentmindedly, not liking that label. âOr the other way around. I can be feisty.â You imitated shooting from your finger guns, and she laughed, raising her almost empty cup.
âCheers to that!â You raised your empty cup too while throwing your laptop into your bag. âHeâs still staring by the way. Hasnât really stopped since I noticed. It would be really creepy if he wasnât that handsome.â You snorted, zipping up your bag and looking down at your phone.
âI told you, he probably just wants to sayâOh, shit! Gotta go! The classes start in 10 and I mixed up the buildings again!â
âOh, shoot, is that the one at the end ofâ?â You nodded frantically and she waved her hand dismissively. âGo! Iâll take care of your cup, see you later!â You quickly went to her and hugged her, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek before practically flying out of the cafĂŠ, completely forgetting to send Xavier a small wave on your way out, if he really was sitting somewhere behind you.
Thatâs why you also missed how abruptly he stood the moment you bolted for the doorâwanting to chase after you, but stoping himself when he realized you didnât even have time for a small talk. He shouldâve approached you sooner, shouldâve spoken to you the moment he saw you, instead of just sitting there, desperately trying to catch a glimpse of your angelic smile.
He wondered when did he loose his balls, when even the simple idea of talking to you made his heart flutter nervously, his hands automatically reaching to scratch at the ink submerged in his skin. He was pathetic, and it was really starting to get on his nerves.
And at that moment his eyes locked with those of your friend, her lips slowly curling into a knowing smile as she caught him almost running after you. She wiggled her eyebrows at him, and in that instant he finally decided to stop being a coward.
He couldnât bear the thought of not seeing you everyday anymore.
He grabbed his bag and started walking purposely to the place which you occupied only moments before. He needed information and he would get it, even if he would have to beg for it.
âOho. I knew it.â Your friend said, seconds before he even managed to introduce himself.
And he realized that heâd known it too. Almost from the moment he first saw you.
You were exhausted to say the least.
Your classes dragged on, making your head hurt from staring at the constantly changing slides. Your whole body felt sore, and you stretched the moment you reached the lockersâarms raised, back arched, a moan almost escaping your lips.
Your poor legs practically begged for the short trip back to your apartment, if the slight numbness in them wasnât already enough of a sign of stagnation.
You opened your eyes lazily and turned the key in your locker, wanting to gather your things as quickly as possible and finally see the light of day.
âHey.â A low greeting from right behind you made you spin around too quickly, your back bumping against the locker. It startled you when you noticed how close he was standing, towering over you.
Xavier.
In all his tattooed glory, hair unruly as always, and his pretty eyes boring straight into yours. He hissed when you made contact with the locker, his large hand immediately coming to rest on the back of your head, gently caressing it, afraid you had taken the hit. You blushed, the contact sudden and unexpected, his body possibly closer to yours than ever before.
âAre you okay?â The hand on the back of your head slid down slightly, now resting on the nape of your neck. The hold was gentle, intimate. You wondered if he realized it. âI didnât mean to scare you, Iâm sorry.â His thumb stroked the skin on your neck, and your cheeks caught fire.
You gulped and shook your head, sighing as the tension in your shoulders eased when you saw his familiar face.
âItâs okay. Iâm not hurt, and I didnât hit my head, so donât worry.â His expression visibly shifted, relief written all over his face. But his hand didnât leave your neck. âSorry, hi. Hi. I just didnât expect you here.â You didnât expect anyone really, it was already late for classes and if any were to take place, everyone would already be inside classrooms.
His presence was especially puzzling, it wasnât even his faculty, did he had another elective here?
âI wanted to see you.â Straightforward answer, as usual. You send him a small smile, thinking back to earlier when you almost met at the cafĂŠ; if it hadnât been for you being in such a hurry. He mustâve felt bad for not coming up to you, especially since he probably waited for you to finish your classes. But why did he care so much? âAnd I was actually thinking⌠Hoping thatâŚâ His hand slid away from the back of your neck and began playing absentmindedly with a strand of your hair, while you struggled to keep the blush from darkening your cheeks even further.
He was so close. Too close. You could almost feel his breath warming up your face and see your reflection staring back from the little silver dots in his eyebrow. An inch or two more, and you were sure his hair would brush your forehead, given how much he was leaning into your space.
But he was always like this whenever you two crossed pathsâhis body leaning in too close to be just friendly, paying no mind to your personal space. His hands were also always reaching out for you as if he couldnât help it: fixing the hair that fell into your face, stroking your arm, or even occasionally brushing your nose with his knuckle when you said something that made him chuckle.
You thought this was his way of being friendly and you enjoyed it, ignoring the fact that it only seemed to fuel your silly little crush. Besides, you found it very endearing that he was so distant and cold with others, yet so touchy-feely with the ones he liked. It made you feel special, if not a little hopeful.
And thatâs when the sharp smell hit you, a cigarette smoke mixed with his pleasant, soft cologne. You scrunched up your nose and pressed a hand against his chest to create some more distance between you.
âOof, you smoked again.â You couldnât help but comment, seeing his brows furrowing in confusion upon your slight push of his chest.
âYou can still smell it? I even got some gum.â To prove his point, he blew a small bubble from his lips, a minty scent reaching your nose when he popped it a second later, the corners of his lips lifting in a small, proud smirk.
âItâs all over your clothes, Xavier. The smoke seeped right into them. You need a bath, not a gum.â Quiet, unserious little âouchâ left his lips, and you tugged at his black sweatshirt, only now noticing a small cat plushie hanging from one of his sleeves.
So cute. You loved that accent, your finger going to poke at the accessory with an exaggerated sigh. âHow could you do it to this adorable little thing?â
âItâll live. Always does.â His eyes followed your finger still gently touching the plushie, âHeâs a tough guy, can handle a bit of smoke. Heâd take a drag too if he could, probably.â You sent him a half-serious glare and pulled your hand away from his arm, signaling defeat. You noticed he was still standing right where you had pushed him back to, more mindful of your space.
You turned your back to him to open your locker again, and pulled out your bag, along with your light jacket. However, before you could even sling the bag over your shoulder, he already grabbed hold of it, his fingers brushing against yours in the process.
âDoes it bother you?â Xavier asked, his voice unsure, your bag already on his arm. The pastel-colored plushies hanging from it were a sharp contrast to his appearance. You looked at him again after making sure you had closed the locker. âThe smell of smoke, I mean.â His beautiful blues bore into your eyes, his teeth biting at the lip ring nervously.
âWell, I canât say I like it. I donât think anyone really does.â He looked at you like a scolded puppy, his hair falling into his eyes when he turned his head to the side. âBut itâs your choice, really, I canât tell you how you should live. Itâs just⌠really sad to know that youâre destroying your lungs daily.â
âHmm, yeah. It is pretty sad.â Although a pout marked Xavierâs face now, you noticed a slight playfulness in his voice. Then, a sudden spark appeared in his eyes, as if an idea had just formed in his mind. âI could die. You wouldnât want that to happen, am I right?â He leaned toward you again, one hand placed beside your head, his body almost trapping you against the lockers, your back pressed to the cool metal again. His fingers stroked your wrist, then trailed up to your forearm, his stormy blue eyes following the movement attentively.
âYâYouâre acting weird.â You commented weakly, your heart increasing its beating against your chest. He was so close, too close, his body towering over yours, making you see only him. You nervously looked around, hoping no one saw you, but you already knew you were alone. âOf course I wouldnât, butââ You wanted to comment on his unusual boldness, ask a question to why was he suddenly acting like this, but he cut you off before you could say another word.
âIâll quit, then.â His face so close you could smell the mint of the gum and feel the coldness of his breath on your cheek. You trembled unconsciously. âI donât want you to be worried. But, I think I would like to ask for something in exchange.â
âAh, so thatâs what itâs all about, youâre cozying up to me because you want somethââ
âA date.â Your mouth closed instantly, eyes meeting his in shock. âThereâs this gig that I would love to take you to, this weekend. Open-air, starts at midnight. We couldâwe could grab a bite too right before it starts? If youâd want to, of course.â You watched as his confidence slowly melted as he was speaking, voice trembling nervously at times, the tips of his ears turning red.
It was probably the longest reply he ever gave you, his sentences usually short and precise. And as you stared at him in disbelief, at his red ears and lip that he was now nervously biting despite acting so tough moments before, your chest filled with a warm, fuzzy feeling of your affections being reciprocated.
He was asking you out on a date.
Xavier, that Xavier: hot, intimidating, unbothered, extremely popular and seemingly unapproachable in the eyes of others.
Xavier, an intelligent, soft, socially awkward and extremely sweet little crush of yours was asking you out on a date.
You had to force yourself not to squeal, the idea that he found you attractive too making you nearly melt right into his chest, that seemed to be getting closer and closer with every second. You were both so different from each other, how could you predict that you actually had a chance with him? You thought that your quick, daily encounters was only him being nice, maybe excited to have a new friend.
Your lips curled into a smile, eyes sparkling with excitement you couldnât contain.
âIs it that band you were talking about last week?â The memory of catching him staring excitedly at his phone right before you approached him during one of your short class breaks was still fresh in your mind. His fingers had been fidgeting with the cap he wore that day, turning it around as he leaned in to show you the newly added datesâone of which was very close to Linkon.
âYeah. My favorite one.â He was getting more and more nervous, his hand was touching the nape of his neck now. âAnd I know these things can be loud and stuffy but I would protect you. Youâd be safe with me, I swear, I wouldnât let anyone elseââ
âOkay.â
âOkay?â His head lowered even closer, the tips of your noses nearly touching. His eyes half-lidded, gazing down at you, his heart skipping a beat.
âMhm. I would love to go with you.â Afraid to stumble over your words, your answer a gentle whisper. âEven without you quitting smoking. Buuut, itâs a really nice bonus.â Xavier chuckled, his head dropping to bring his lips closer to your ear.
âThat so?â You had no idea, but he hid his head from your gaze for the widest of smiles to appear on his face. He closed his eyes and let himself bask in your closeness and sweet scent, mentally thankful for his burst of confidence earlier. âThen maybe the whole quitting thing isnât really necessary?â
âAh-ah. No takesies backsiesââ
âNo whaââ
âA promise is a promise.â You stated surely, your finger pressing on his chest as a warning. If he said heâll quit, he better have to quit. Especially since now the possibility of him being closer to you daily has increased immensely. âIf you want to reach for a cigarette now, you better pop in some gum. Or some candy, or ask for aââ
âKiss?â
Your head turned his way just as his forehead rested on your shoulder. One eye opened, staring at you, a smirk lingering on his lips, the piercing there once again catching your attention.
Would you feel it when his mouth finally pressed to yours? Would it be forceful and bruising, or would he take his time, easing you into it with soft patience? He was a walking enigma, shy and gentle one moment, confident and quick the next. What side of him would you uncover if you let yourself get closer?
âDonât overthink it or I might actually take your silence as a yes.â You breath hitched the moment he turned his head and you felt his lips touching the skin below your ear. Not a kiss, just a fleeting warmth of his mouth, the coolness of the ring causing goosebumps to appear on your skin. He took a step back, taking all the warmth away and you nearly chased after him to bring it back.
What was he doing to you?
His knuckles brushed your flushed cheek, and your eyelashes fluttered, the touch once again unexpected.
âFirst, you have to keep your end of the deal. Then weâll see.â You learned that you were a literal, freaking master at feigning confidence, given how weak your legs felt and how much you wanted to pass out while meeting his affectionate gaze.
His face was slightly flushed too. Clearly affected, despite his confident demeanor. Maybe you werenât that different from each other, after all.
âWe will.â Xavier wet his lips, the tip of his pink tongue barely peeking out before his teeth sank into the plush skinâ like he was already imagining how it would feel like. Maybe holding himself back from satisfying his curiosity right then and there. âIâll make sure we will. Wouldnât dare to miss the chance, angel.â
And when he walked you home that day, your bag swinging from his broad shoulder and your fingers brushing from time to time, sending pleasant sparks between youâyou realized that, despite your differences, youâd never felt such a connection with anyone before. Talking with him was so easy, the way the walk home felt too short not to miss the comforting presence of his for hours after. And you were sure he felt the same, from the way he joked about not giving your bag back, to the goodbye hug you initiated, but he prolonged, his strong arms wrapping gently around your waist, reluctant to let go. And then there was the longing glance he gave you, just seconds before you closed the door.
A sharp ping of a new message cut through the air not long after, a string of new numbers followed by a simple sentences, ones that made your heart beat faster again.
keep thinking that I shouldve made up some lame excuse just to spend more time with U. The cat plushie said he misses U. I didnât know he could read my mind â Xavier
And with a chuckle and a blush, you already knew that you were slowly falling in loveâand you just hoped that when it fully bloomed, he would be there to help you care for it.
As for the kissâthe weekend couldnât come soon enough.
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please like, reblog and COMMENT if u liked it!! i would love to know if i should continue itâi wrote it as a quick, cute bad boy xavier story. i would love to make it mdni ofc skdhshdg <33