Aftercare. 💙✨
I know most people know what subdrop is, but for the few who don’t I’ll explain.
Subdrop is what happens to your body after you’ve drained your brain of all the hormones and chemicals that it released during a scene or session.
Meaning, after you‘ve come down from your high, you start to feel mentally and emotionally attacked from what just happened. You start to think all these bad things about yourself and how someone normal would not find what just occurred pleasurable in anyways.
That’s why aftercare is important. Showering your sub in compliments,food, cuddle sessions. Just stuff that will make them feel like you care and that you don’t judge them for enjoying what they like.
Another thing, I’m positive that most people don’t know is what topdrop is. It’s the same as subdrop but it affects doms/dommes.
I know some people will be like- “Doms/dommes don’t go through that, nothing like that bothers them.” That’s where you’re wrong.
Remember we’re all human so no one is exempt from feeling used or feeling disgusted with their actions even though they shouldn’t be.
Not many know this but being a dom/domme is exhausting. A good top plans physical punishments or sexual scenes down to the T so their is no room for accidents and after all that planning and executing said plan they sometimes feel bad for doing what they did or even feel used in a sense.
That’s why aftercare is important for both parties. Show them that you care and that you appreciate what they did. Reassure them that they didn’t hurt you in a bad way and that they only did what they did to help you grow. ASK👏 THEM👏 IF👏 THEY’RE👏 OKAY👏!! Especially right after a session.
That can be the difference between showing that you care or not.
AFTERCARE IS A NECESSITY FOR BOTH PARTICIPANTS!!👏💙✨
Before my first serious suspension session me and my rigger forgot to talk about ✨aftercare✨.
My subdrop consisted of a mild woozy feeling, mind blank, my legs, back and sides were stiff so I wanted to stay there on the floor until I felt stronger again.
Since we hadn't discussed aftercare and I honestly don't know how we forgot about it, they came up next to me on the floor to cuddle, which is a nice gesture and I'm sure that for a lot of people that would hit the nail on the head, but that's not the case for me. I really dislike cuddling, I feel like I can't breathe or I'll make my partner uncomfortable. Even if I didn't feel the need to move before, I'll want to when being cuddled, simply can't stay still. Also I get really hot while cuddling which means I get sweaty and nobody involved wants that.
During aftercare all I need is room to breathe, unwind and a surface where I can curl up on and if I need a blanket, I'm usually able to express it.
After I had gathered myself enough I got up and we were able to finally communicate each other's aftercare needs.
This a perfect example. Not everyone’s aftercare involves physical touch. Some people like to be left alone for a while, some people like to instantly do something that keeps them busy (like chores), some people just want to eat and cuddle in a spot by themselves and that’s all fine.
In a case where one partner’s aftercare isn’t physical touch/ being alone but the other partner needs to be touched/ pampered, it’s advisable that you have a third person that you both trust that can administer the proper aftercare for the physical touch partner so they don’t have to wait until the other is done with theirs and just on a whole if your aftercare involves doing something with someone.
If your aftercare methods aren’t compatible- that doesn’t mean that the relationship won’t work. Their are a lot of solutions and you have to be willing to communicate with your partner to find the right one. Ensure that the end result leaves both parties (or more) feeling secure.
I know you're tired of seeing this but- I don't care. 😤
Aftercare is definitely the MOST IMPORTANT PART!!
Always communicate what you prefer and what works best to ease the fall of the subdrop and topdrop. It doesn’t matter how intense the session or scene is, aftercare still needs to be implemented.
ALWAYS. PARTAKE. IN AFTERCARE.
You should also remember too that subdrop and topdrop can happen days after a session. Your body only makes so many happy chemicals at a time, so when you release all of them suddenly, it takes a while for those stores to fill back up.
Not only that, but drop can manifest in many different forms. It can feel like a hangover, or utter exhaustion, or you can wake up just feeling off. You may be in physical pain, which is also tiring. And then there’s the mental state, you could feel depressed, lonely, confused, abandoned, insecure, unloved, and the list goes on.
Know that it’s normal, it’s healthy, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Your body will restore the balance, but communication is key and aftercare is vital. For both sides.
FUCKING AMEN! I’m a very physically affectionate person and aftercare is a HUGE thing for me. If you consistently ignore someone’s needs for aftercare, they’re going to resent you eventually, so DON’T ignore or dismiss it! And don’t be afraid to ask, there is no “I should already know, I shouldn’t have to ask because that makes me look like I don’t know them when I do!” No, shut up. It makes you look like you give a damn about them and that you love them, which you do! So ask! Like, their respect for you will rise several notches at you asking them and considering their feelings.
And also the thing about it taking several days to recharge/heal, etc. whatever word you want to use, is true. And honestly some people may want more than one kind of aftercare, because they need time to process everything that just happened. For example, if it were me, I’d prefer lots of cuddles and kisses afterwards, and then for the next couple days, having enough to keep me busy without it being super exhausting, and also getting a little extra sleep lol. And the thing about giving aftercare to your dom/top? Preaching to the choir hon! It’s exhausting to be the one in charge all the time and you’re low key constantly worried if you’re doing a good job, or if you’re being too hard, takes a lot of trust and love, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t at least a little bit scared.
It’s really easy to turn the relationship become a one sided selfish thing, and trust me, I’ve been on both sides, and neither side is fun. When you care for your dom/top you’re not just loving on them but you’re also thanking them for the hard work they do and you’re thanking them for loving you, both in a feelings way and in the way of doing a scene with you. I love this post. I don’t see nearly enough posts about aftercare.
PSA for the vanillas out there stumbling across this post: aftercare isn't just necessary for kinky sex events. Do it for regular sex too.
I recently had an adventure with my play partner, and we didn't talk about aftercare because we weren't doing anything wild that day. We just had a lot of sex in a few hours time span. But there wasn't much in the way of impact or mind fuckery, no rope, none of that. We just had sex 🤷♀️ and afterwards I felt great. My muscles were relaxed, I wasn't in pain like I was expecting because I have back problems, I was sleepy/exhausted. I was in a good mood.
But the next daaaay laaaawd I felt like I got hit by a truck. I slept all day and I finally got up around 6pm and drank a bunch of water. I really wish I would have thought to plan aftercare for the next day. I needed to be babysat 😂 I needed someone to make me drink water, and brig me food, and make me take my medicine.
The day after that I was sore but I was feeling better, I could move around better, I wasn't dehydrated anymore.
But a whole THREE DAYS LATER I got the unbearable sad. And I knew this was a chemical thing happening in my body because nothing on the outside was triggering it. All I wanted was physical affection. I needed cuddles and headpats.
I fucking love this!!! This is so important for everyone involved 😊 definitely love the cuddles and kisses and sometimes I even like to just lay in bed and hide in the blankets while my other half is doing his thing. I always ask him tho if he is okay and I'll crawl over to him and rub his back or give him little kisses to make sure he is okay. Its a mutual thing. We for sure need to see more of this to help people better understand 🙏 🙂 💯
