ᴀ ʀ ᴄ ʜ ɪ ᴠ ᴇ

This used to be a roleplay blog, but I lost my muse and deleted most of its content. There are still some posts that I wanted to keep around, so the blog will remain here, gathering dust.

[akairohana-deactivated20140510]

Kaito Takamiya Icons

OutOfStrawberries; Under the cut are 193 Kaito Takamiya icons, given to me by argent-hunter and snowfox93. The icons were then edited by myself. They should all be 100x100, though a few may be off. You are free to use them at your leisure!

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[psych0-bitchh]

[gypsy-spir1t-deactivated2014070]

[kiyoshihio-archive]

Looking for Christmas Sweaters and--

[kiyoshihio-archive]

Heartbeat

Blood.

There’s blood coming down in buckets like rain from the sky. His clothing and hair are soaked with it, his face is stained crimson, his body is laying in a puddle of the awful substance. His clothing is torn, smoke rising from various holes in the fabric. He’s in pain—so much pain. It’s all he can feel, all he can think, all he can comprehend.

Fear.

He knows he’s afraid. Because the blood on the walls and his clothes and hair is coming from him. He’s bleeding to death on the concrete floor of the Yellow Box Warehouse, his body riddled with bullets.

“H-help…” he rasps, his voice broken and hoarse. The words are like sandpaper coming up, and after that one attempt, the tone breaks, the next plea coming out as a pathetic whine. “H-help me… p-pl—”

He groaned, curling up in pain, his body twisting as the waves of agony surge though his body, coursing through every vein like the venom of the deadliest viper. Air struggles to get into his lungs and as he attempts to inhale, he only succeeds in bringing a coughing fit upon himself, blood spilling from his mouth and onto the floor.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Hazel eyes widened in a unadulterated horror, a silent ‘no’ escaping his busted, chapped lips.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

A scream. He knows what’s happening. That’s a clock. It’s counting down the seconds. Forty seconds, to be exact.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

“No! No! No, no, no!”

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Tears start to fall from his eyes, turning pink as they mingle with the blood on his cheeks before falling to the dust.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

“No! I don’t want to die! No!”

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

“I don’t want to die! I don’t want to die!”

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

“Please! Please!! I don’t—please!”

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

“I don’t want to die! I don’t want to die!”

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

“Please! Please don’t kill me! I don’t want to die!”

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Then the sound of a gong.

And finally…

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

  Light sat straight up in bed, a bloodcurdling scream erupting from his throat. Sweat poured down his face, his shirt and pants clinging to his body from the overwhelming amount of the substance on his body. He couldn’t breathe. His chest was tight with panic. His face was stained with tears, his shoulders still heaving.

“Light…?”

The ex-killer’s head turned slowly, and he stared at the man next to him with nothing but fear in his eyes. A low whine started in his throat, his desperate attempt to keep himself from crying anymore failing as his will started to break.

Akiyo sat up and reached out, grabbing the boy’s shoulder. “Light, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

Light couldn’t come up with a witty comeback. He couldn’t deny the tears in his eyes. He couldn’t pull away from the hand he had been avoiding all week. Tomorrow his punishment was over. Tomorrow he was going to be back in bed. And part of him was begging why? Why couldn’t the nightmare have waited until tomorrow to invade his mind? But another part of him was looking to Akiyo imploringly, silent words leaving his unmoving lips.

Please… hold me… I need it… don’t laugh at me… don’t call me insane… just notice… just look at what’s right in front of you! Notice how much pain I’m in… notice how scared I am… no one ever does… please be different… I’m not insane… I’m not… I’m scared… I’m so scared, and I don’t know what to do… you want me to tell you what I need? I’m telling you! I’m telling you right now! Just listen to me, please!

Light whimpered when Akiyo pulled him forward, immediately burying his face in the other’s chest. The vampire’s arms wrapped around him, strong and steady, securing Light against his torso.

“I don’t… I don’t want to… d-d-die…”

Akiyo’s head moved, his chin brushing against Light’s head. “What?”

“I don’t… want to die…”

“…”

“I d-don’t—”

“I don’t want you to die, either.”

The dam broke.

Light screamed. He screamed and cried and shook, his entire body convulsing with every sob that wracked his body. His fingers curled through the other’s shirt, his knuckles whitening from the grip. His voice cracked as he screamed himself raw, shrieking and wailing as loud as his vocal chords would allow him to. Tears poured down his face, blood filling his cheeks and pounding against his ears.

Akiyo made no attempt to stop him. He held Light, rubbed his back, and rocked him a little. But he didn’t reassure him. He didn’t shush him or speak quiet words to him. He sat their silently and let Light emit saline and snot all over his shirt, but he did little more to alleviate the situation.

Light’s cries slowly dimmed, his frame still quivering. He sniffed softly, wiping his eyes and moaning at the steady throb that formed right behind his eyes. Still, Akiyo said nothing.

“…Akiyo…” Light didn’t really want to talk to him, but he felt he should explain the sudden behavior, and also tell him to never mention it again or even begin to think that it changed anything. Before he could continue, however, Akiyo removed Light’s arms from around him and pushed him back onto the mattress.

He got to his feet and disappeared into the bathroom, light pouring from the open bathroom door and forcing the exhausted human to squint. For a moment, Light considered getting up and going to his own room—whatever Akiyo had planned, he wanted nothing to do with it—but he had no energy to move, a wave of lethargy having swept over him now that the adrenaline was gone.

The sound of running water was heard, and seconds later the light went out, Akiyo returning to the room with a cup in his hands. He walked over to the bed and sat down, moving closer to Light and pulling him back into a sitting position.

Light looked down at the cup and realized it was water, probably to rehydrate him after his little episode. He reached out with a shaking hand and took the drink, bringing the rim to his lips and sipping it slowly. Soon enough, it was gone, and Light handed it back for Akiyo to throw away, which he did.

Then it was just the two of them in bed. Akiyo didn’t lay down, and that lead Light to believe they weren’t done talking. Light himself wasn’t too anxious to go back to sleep, so the two of them sat there in silence. Light stared at his lap. Akiyo stared at him. Light scratched idly at his hands. Akiyo shifted. Light sniffed. Akiyo inhaled.

“You needed that.”

The brunette’s head snapped up, his eyes wide.

“Humans need to cry. It’s not healthy for them to hold everything in. You are not Kira. You are Light Yagami, and you are human. Therefore… you needed that.”

Light stared for several seconds before his eyes flickered down once more, his chin lowering to his chest. Was it true? Did he need this? Was that why he felt so… so relieved? So free? So light? Was it possible that he had just killed a part of Kira? Was it possible that he was slowly becoming… human again?

A hand closed around his shoulder. “Humans also need sleep.” Akiyo wrapped his arms around Light and lay down, pulling the boy with him. “I’ve got you, Light… I’m here… and I don’t let you die. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Light squirmed at first, not wanting to admit defeat. Not wanting to allow the man he was so furious with to comfort him in such a way. But then he relented, his desire for peace overriding his desire for victory.

“Akiyo…” Light’s voice was muffled by the other’s shirt, his body relaxing at the fingers trailing through his hair.

“Mmm?” Akiyo shifted slightly.

“…th… th…”

Thank you. Thank you for noticing my pain. My fear. My need. Thank you for holding me. For comforting me. For caring for me. For loving me in a way no one ever has before.

“…th…this never happened.”

Akiyo chuckled softly, his chest vibrating in Light’s ear. “Of course not, Light. Now… go to sleep… or I’ll spank you again.”

A retort formed on his tongue immediately, but it died just as quickly, fatigue overtaking his body. He sighed softly and closed his eyes, listening to the rhythmic sound of Akiyo’s heart beating in his chest.

Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump.

I don’t want to die…

Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump.

I’m scared…

Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump.

But I hear this heartbeat and…

Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump.

It’s the very sound of life…

Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump.

He won’t let me die…

And Light drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face for the first time in years.

[kiyoshihio-archive]

Can we just talk about how sassily Light holds his cell phone? His face says murder but his hand says manicure.

[kiyoshihio-archive]

Let's Talk About Character Respect

This could also be titled "Let's Talk About How Your Character Is Actually Not An All-Knowing Genius Thing So Stop Roleplaying Like It.'

I see this all the time and it makes me so angry. Characters who contradict the very existence/essence or trademark of your character. So, it's time to talk about it. Yay.

Characters have things called trademarks. It's their special thing that makes them, them. Almost every character has one, and if they don't, they can be kinda boring. But for some reason, people seem to think it's okay to just completely throw that to the wind because they want their character to be awesome and powerful and wonderful.

One thing I see this a lot with is Light Yagami, since I roleplay with a Light Yagami and it's all over my dash. Light Yagami is an excellent liar. The master of the facade, the innocent, perfect, golden boy no one would ever suspect. So when you're character walks up to him and is like, "I know you're Kira," that's bullcrud. Unless you roleplay L.

Now, I understand there are exceptions. Maybe your character can read minds and that's how they know. Or they can smell it on him or something weird like that. And I get that, it happens. But you don't just throw it all on the table right away. It's disrespectful to the characters trademark and to the roleplayer. Because now you're forcing them to behave OOC because you just put them in a situation that would never happen to their character in the anime/manga/game/etc.

Another one is Pitch Black. Everybody's favorite nightmare king! I hate it when I see people roleplay with Pitch and... there's no fear. At all. If you have a brave character, that's great, but Pitch is literally fear. And while he does have the power to put fear in people, he himself is still a shell filled with fearlings.

But then this character comes up and is all, "I'm not afraid! I'm the bravest thing ever, and even if you bring out my greatest fear or nightmare, I still won't be afraid! Because I'm just not afraid!"

What. Your character doesn't have to curl into a ball and cry for mommy, but he/she should at least tense up or get a dry throat or the shakes. Because Pitch is fear. 

It happens to my own character, Kiyoshi. Kiyoshi is blind, but he functions as if he isn't because he's a pureblood vampire. He can smell things, sense auras, hear incredibly well, use echolocation, etc. I cannot stand it when people are like, "OMG YOU'RE BLIND AREN'T YOU I CAN TOTALLY TELL THAT YOU'RE BLIND BECAUSE YES YOU'RE BLIND. YES." And sometimes they notice his eyes are faded, but even that is pushing it a bit. I mean really? His trademark is that you can't tell. And when you tell right away, what am I suppose to do with that?

I could go on about other characters, but those are the ones I see the most. It's just something I had to rant about. Thank you for your time, and please, respect other characters. If you have a doubt, talk to the mun. A simple letter could help a lot.

"Hey, I saw your character is actually a demon, and I know I'm not supposed to be able to tell, but my character can sense auras, so she's going to know right away. Is there some way we could work around this?"

It's SO easy to be considerate. Just bloody do it.

[krisdevon-deactivated20140726]

[kiyoshihio-archive]

I was looking for gifs of Light and I just--

Every child's dream plushie.

[maho-no-purinsesu-deactivated20]

[kiyoshihio-archive]

Captain Coconut and his faithful sidekick, Banana Booty.

[kiyoshihio-archive]

Nightmares {Adopted Zero AU Drabble}

Blood…

Everything was stained with blood. His hands, his clothing, the floors, the ceiling, the walls… the lifeless bodies of his parents… the holes in his neck from that creature’s vicious bite…

Everything is red…

Everywhere he looked, there was a haze of crimson, making the bloodstains look black against the fiery canvas. He could see Shizuka’s silhouette on the wall… several feet away, his brother’s shadow stands, the same angry color as the rest of the room.

It hurts…

Pain racked his body. His chest heaved with every strangled gasp, a veil of sweat forming on his forehead. His neck burned, poison seeping through his veins with every pulsing, pounding heartbeat.

It hurt so bad… he was so scared… he wanted it to stop… he wanted everything to go away…

Please… Please leave me alone… get out… get out of my head… please… please… get out!

Lavender eyes snapped open, a scream ripping from his throat before he could even think about stopping it. Tears blurred his vision, his chest tightening as a sob shook his body. His heart pounded frantically, and his brain was screaming commands at him, convinced he was still in danger.

Before he knew what was happening, he was on his feet and running down the hall. He didn’t know where he was going, but he craved protection. He craved safety. He didn’t want to remember these things. He didn’t want to be a monster.

Save me… somebody… please… help me… I’ll do anything… please…

Pale hands grappled at a doorknob, another sob breaking through his lips. He couldn’t open it, but it wasn’t locked. He just couldn’t function. His whole body was numb.

Throwing himself against it, he burst into the room, letting out a choked cry. “K-Kiyoshi!”

The pureblood turned over in bed and slowly sat up, a confused expression on his face. “Hnn… Zero…?”

The boy froze as he was hit with the realization of what he had just done, fear clenching his heart in its cold grip, snaking up his throat. What was he doing? Why did he go to Kiyoshi? Kiyoshi Hio… Shizuka’s brother… Her flesh and blood… He had to run… he… had to… get… out… get out… get out…

Let me out! I want out!

Kiyoshi frowned slightly. “Zero, what’s the matter?”

The boy opened his mouth, but no sounds were heard. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t move.

“Oh, honey…” The vampire threw the covers off and got to his feet, approaching the other. “Did you have a bad dream?” he asked softly, placing a hand on the boy’s shoulder and leaning down until their eyes were almost level.

No… stay away from me… stay away… you did this! Your sister! You knew about it… you had to have known about it… you didn’t stop her… nobody stopped her… why? Why? Why?!

Tears streamed down his cheeks silently, his eyes wide, a mixture of rage and horror painted in those amethyst hues.

“Zero… you did, didn’t you?” Kiyoshi let out a sound Zero couldn’t describe, but associated with sympathy.

Zero inhaled sharply as he was pulled into a tight embrace, the vampire’s chin tucked over his shoulder.

No… stop… I’m scared… you’re going to bite me… don’t bite me… please…

“…” Zero shook, a low creak slipping form his lips. “…Ah…”

Kiyoshi released him for just a moment, pulling him to the bed and sitting down with him. His arms wound around the child once more. “It’s okay, Zero… I’m right here with you… it’s going to be alright… you’re safe.”

Safe? How could he be safe when he was living with these monsters? The creatures that had destroyed everything were now going to raise him, and… he was supposed to feel safe?

“…I…I…”

Kiyoshi slowly got in bed, inching under the covers and pulling Zero with him. “You’ll sleep with me tonight, alright?” Gently hands cupped his face, fingers brushing away his tears. “There, there… don’t cry…”

Zero stared at the other, his mind slowly leaving the post-nightmare state and slipping into some form of consciousness. His gaze locked onto Kiyoshi’s face. There was nothing but care and love written in those features. And it was so sincere.

Zero wanted to believe. He did. He really, really did. He didn’t want to be alone anymore, and he was tired of trying to fight this grown-up battle all by himself. A child. He was just a child. He needed a strong hand and a wiser mind to guide him, but he was so, so scared of letting anyone in. But… if he didn’t… would they all give up on him? Would they walk away and leave him if he didn’t trust them?

“Zero…”

Kiyoshi sultry voice pulled the boy from his thoughts, and he nodded his head slightly so the other would hear him respond.

“I love you.”

Zero froze.

“Love… me…?” he breathed, shaking in the other’s arms.

Kiyoshi pulled him closer, cradling the silver’s head against his chest. “Yes, Zero. I love you. I love you so much. So, so much.” He gently kissed Zero’s forehead, rocking him slightly. “I will never leave you… I’ll never throw you out… I will do my very best to protect you… care for you… and make you happy… I love you. I love you, Zero.”

A few seconds passed in silence, and then it was broken by the hysterical sobbing of one Zero Kiryuu. Sob after sob after choked, broken, violent sob racked his frame. He screamed in rage, pain, fear, hate, self-loathing, agony, despair, sadness, and every other crushing emotion he felt. He screamed and screamed, kicking his legs and thrashing around under the covers. He screamed for his brother, for his mother, for his father, for what he used to be, for what he had become—he screamed because he didn’t know what to do. He screamed because, for some reason, the words Kiyoshi had spoken served as a wrecking ball to the dam that held back his emotions for the past month.

He screamed until he had nothing left. Exhaustion took him over, and his throat ached from the intense stress he had put on his vocal chords. His face was wet with tears and smeared with saliva, snot dripping from his nose. His chest heaved as he panted, trying to regain the oxygen he had lost. But somehow… he felt better.

Silence permeated the room.

A tissue was pressed to his nose, and he blew without question. Kiyoshi softly cleaned his face, tossing the tissues in the trash can and returning to stroke the boy’s hair. Zero leaned into the touch, whimpering softly.

“…do you feel better?” Kiyoshi whispered, kissing his forehead.

Zero nodded, still gasping.

“...shall we go to bed now?” The pureblood continued to toy with his silver, sweat-matted locks as he watched the boy fondly.

Zero’s gaze shifted, and he looked at Kiyoshi, wondering how he could still look at him with such love, even after a display like that.

“I… I’m a mess…” he rasped, his voice hoarse.

Kiyoshi only smiled. “You are my mess, Zero. You will always be my beautiful, wonderful, perfect, irreplaceable mess…” He kissed him on the nose, and then on the cheek.

Lead started to fill his eyelids, and he nodded slowly in response. He thought about that for a moment. So often when one said they were a mess… a mistake… a screw up… the other person was quick to correct them. No one had ever told him ‘you are a mess, but I love you anyways.’ And somehow… that meant more to him… he didn’t need someone who could love him when he was clean. When he was a good boy. He need someone… to love him… when he was a mess. A wreck. A demon. A monster.

Head lolling to the side, he tried to continue his train of thought, but the fingers in his hair, and the warm breath on his face coaxed him away from consciousness, slowly pulling him back into the realms of slumber.

Blood… pain… suffering… the vampires… will get you…

A smile tugged at his lips, and he curled against the warm body in the bed next to him, welcoming the affection and comfort with open arms.

Not this one.

“I love you, Zero… sweet dreams…”

Not this one.

[kiyoshihio-archive]

Let's Talk About "Ignoring"

As of late, yet another roleplaying issue has been brought to my attention. I'm sure many of you have seen the picture floating around tumblr stating something along these lines:

"'Take your time' doesn't mean you can ignore me and answer all your other threads."

That's a paraphrase of what the picture actually said, but I'm sure you get the point. But this little phrase is not okay. And I'm going to tell you why...

However.

Roleplayers are not here to cater to you. As much as we want you to be happy with how we reply and as much as we would love to reply to everyone equally, it just doesn't work that way.

Why? Because we're not machines. We're human beings. We have inspiration for certain threads, and not for others. We have time for shorter threads and not for longer ones. Maybe we're in the mood for humor and not drama, or violence and not romance. Maybe we just don't want to do that thread for reasons we don't even understand.

The point is, you shouldn't feel bad if I'm not replying to your thread but I am to others. Also, if you do get frustrated, keep it to yourself. That may sound harsh, but that's just how it is. You telling me I'm being unfair or ignoring you isn't going to make me reply any faster--in fact, it's going to make me a little angry with you.

This is how roleplaying is. Like the real world, it's not always fair. Why? Because it is done by humans. Flawed and imperfect creatures. You have to learn to deal with that. If you don't like it, you're always welcome to drop the thread.

Important Note: This does not mean if I haven't replied, you can't nudge, poke, or otherwise remind me. It's very possible I have lost our thread, and in that case, your reminder will be very helpful. But if I have already told you I have it in my drafts, then you need to be patient.

[kiyoshihio-archive]

Let's Talk About Lurking

Lurking. Lurking is a wonderful thing. You know, that state where you don't do replies, but you're still watching everyone else roleplay and maybe you're answering asks, making OOC posts, and reblogging stuff? Yeah, that. It's amazing.

However. Twice today I have seen people make negative comments about blogs going on hiatus/break but still lurking. This is not okay, and I'm going to tell you why.

To give their muse a break

To focus on other things going on in life (family, friends, relationships, etc.)

To get things done (housework, studying, other hobbies, etc.)

Because they just aren't feeling the RP today

Because they want a breather

This makes perfect sense and is 100% acceptable. Taking a hiatus or quick break can help you with the above issues, and it's really nice.

But what I'm seeing is people saying if you are on hiatus\break you can't be on tumblr doing other things. You have to be all the way on, or all the way off.

No. Not at all.

I can't speak for other people, but this is my thought process while roleplaying, fully online: "Okay, I have like ten drafts to do and four asks, and, um, a starter! Right a start! Okay, well let me reply to these asks... okay, done! Away to drafts! And that's one reply done... and I'll start the next one--oh wait, wait, I got some replies on my other post! I should reply! Okay, done, now back to my reply... wait, where was I? Ugh, now I have to reread the whole thing! Wait, wait, you replied to our thread already? What?! W-wait!! I need to breathe! Ahh!! Give me five seconds please I can't think!!"

See how stressful and engaging that is?

Now, here is my thought process while lurking: "Oh, that's a cute picture... haha! Nice, reblogging that... oh... I guess I could do some drafts, but I mean my followers know that I'm not here to reply... ooh, maybe it'll be like a pleasant surprise for them then. Anything happening? Eh... not really... maybe I can go do some homework or laundry and then come back... ahh, this is nice."

It's completely different.

If someone is taking a break for one of the aforementioned reasons, lurking is perfectly reasonable because they still want to be on tumblr and have fun, but they want to do it without the overwhelming pressure of being online.

And of course, in the end, it all comes down to the fact that...

This is not your blog. It is mine. And their blog is theirs. And we will do what we want. Because these are our blogs. Not yours. If you don't like it, drop the thread. Move onto a new blog. Or address us respectfully and politely if you don't understand what's going on. But don't whine and complain about it. Just don't.

[kiyoshihio-archive]

AU Drabble - Chains

Darkness.

It was something Kiyoshi was used to, but he had hoped when he borrowed his brother's eyes that it would be different. It wasn't. Once again, Kiyoshi was forced to rely on his other senses as he made his way through the halls of the lower levels of the Hunter's Association building.

His footsteps echoed down the hall, bouncing off the walls and coming back to him, blending together and fading into the background as the minutes dragged on. The air was thick and moist, a faint odor of decay and mildew wafting past his nose. Elegant fingers traced against the cool, damp stone walls as he walked, his free resting on the hilt of his weapon.

His entire mind, soul, and body were all trained on one, single aura. The aura in question was wild and frantic. It pulsed rapidly like the heartbeat of a marathon runner, and it was hotter than pavement in the dead of summer. It was hungry--starving--the aura of bloodthirsty animal on a hunt with no intentions of turning back until it was satisfied.

The never-ending sound of his gait came to an end as he came to a stop just inside the cell from which the aura radiated. An eerie, verdant glow emanated from the ceiling, shedding dim light on the spectacle below.

"Zero."

Kiyoshi's voice was soft and warm. Beckoning. But the adolescent chained to the floor did not respond. Instead, he sat silently, staring at the space in front of him with a vacant haze over his lavender eyes. It was as if he wasn't actually in his body.

"Zero," the pureblood spoke, stepping towards him.

The hunters who had captured him had been none too kind, and several bruises and cuts ornamented the pale body. His clothing was tattered, and the evidence of many tears shed was written on his face. His neck was torn to shreds, and Kiyoshi could only imaging the self-loathing Zero had experienced all alone in the dark.

Knees came in contact with the floor, and a hand reached out, softly cupping the child's face. Zero's eyes flickered, a small amount of life coming back into them.

"Zero," he whispered, leaning down and pressing his forehead to the other's. "I'm here now. Can you hear me?"

A tear slipped down his cheek, turning a dirt smudge to mud on its way. A shaky hand came up to cover Kiyoshi's, fingers curling, gripping the pureblood. A choked sob broke through his lips.

"Oh, Zero..." Kiyoshi pulled the other into his arms. "Zero, it's over. It's over now, I'm here now. Shh... shh..."

"Shh..." Kiyoshi continued to hush him, unbuttoning the top of his shirt and sliding it off his shoulder. "Drink. You know you need it, so don't fight it, alright?"

Despite Kiyoshi's encouragement, anger and thoughts of resistance flashed through those lilac irises. A shudder ripped through him, and he convulsed, pressing his forehead to Kiyoshi's shoulder.

"Drink," Kiyoshi repeated, cradling his head and pushing his lips against the smooth flesh, directly over his pulse.

"Ah... a-ahh... nn... ah..."

The gentle prick of hesitant fangs, hot breath ghosting over his skin. A little more pressure, flesh caving beneath the prodding. One more moment of hesitation, and the breech was made.

Kiyoshi stroked the boy's hair, murmuring sweet nothings as Zero devoured his life blood like a starving animal. "It's going to be okay, Zero... everything's going to be fine... I'll get you Shizuka's blood, I promise." He sighed heavily, shaking his head. "It's just... I can't move freely, and so many people are after her. I'm doing the best I can..."

Zero shifted slightly in his grip, loosening his hold on the other and moving his face slightly, almost as if he were nuzzling him.

"You know I'd do anything for you, right?"

Silence was the answer he received.

"Zero... I'm so sorry... I do the very best I can to protect you."

The pureblood fiddled with the slack chains, rocking the Level D in his arms. His Level D. His child, his Zero, his baby boy. Zero was his now, and that mean it was his job to protect Zero. To stop him from hurting this way ever again.

But no matter how hard he tried, there were always chains. Not the physical kind. Not the ones that held back the monster in Zero, not the ones that kept the public safe, not the ones that kept Zero stationary until Kiyoshi could find him and bring him home.

No. The chains Kiyoshi had to deal with were the chains Shizuka had cruelly shackled him with. The chains that kept him tied to her, the chains that kept him separated from his family, the chains that dragged him further and further into the darkness with every passing day.

Kiyoshi knew what this meant. This incident was going to bring about another year or more of self-harm, night terrors, fits, anger, pain, rage, hate, fights, arguments, slamming doors, harsh words, screams, tears... These were the things Kiyoshi had committed himself to when he brought the boy into his home. These were the things he was ready and willing to take on. He would love this child no matter what. Regardless of what Zero said or did, he would always be Kiyoshi's little boy, and Kiyoshi was never letting him go. His love was unconditional, and one way or another, Zero would know this.

Just hold on a little longer, Zero.. I'll pull you into the light... I'll save you from yourself... one day you will stand on your own two feet, with your head held high like the proud young man I know you're going to be. You will find happiness. You will find peace. You will break these chains. And I will be with you every step of the way.

Zero's jaw unclenched, and he fell away from Kiyoshi's neck, going limp in the other's arms, exhaustion racking his body as his sanity slowly returned to him.

"Come on, Zero... let's go home."

The boy nodded into his neck, wrapping his arms around the older man.

Kiyoshi got to his feet and started to walk, stopping when he felt the tug of the fetters and shackles still holding Zero to the ground. He cast the restraints a dark look, seizing them in his fist and tearing them clean in half. Turning again, he started back down the hall, holding Zero close.

"Thank you..." Zero rasped. "For freeing me..."

Kiyoshi smiled lightly, nodding a wordless reply.

Someday, you're going to be truly free. Chains will be broken, Zero. Make no mistake about that.

[kiyoshihio-archive]

Happiness

The fire crackled, the clock ticked, the rain pounded against the windows and the rooftop, but for the most part, there was a peaceful silence. It was nights like this when Zero was able to relax, reflect on his life, enjoy a good book and a cup of hot tea, and just--

The hunter jumped when he heard footsteps on the stairs. "What are you doing?"

"I thought I saw something," was the quick response from the young woman headed towards the front door.

Chuckling, the ex-human got to his feet, walking over to her. "Akina... put the shotgun down."

She turned slowly, bright blue eyes peering up at him. "What if it's a burglar?"

He smiled, placing a hand over hers and removing the weapon from her grasp. "I'll check it out, okay? I'm sure it's fine."

After a few more seconds silent reluctance, Akina finally nodded and started back up the stairs. "I'll watch from the window, okay?"

Zero nodded, putting a hand on the front door. "Sure."

He looked out the window before turning the knob, opening it up and stepped outside. Leaving it open so he wouldn't find himself trapped, he walked towards the edge of the porch, looking over the railing. Nothing. He walked around the perimeter, lavender irises scanning the darkness in an attempt to find whatever it was she had seen.

He made it all the way around the porch and stepped back under the awning, shaking his head. There was nothing out here. Maybe she had seen the neighbor's dog again and overreacted.

Sighing, the hunter started towards the house, only to stop when he heard a quiet rustle and a muffled sound that resembled a cough. Returning to the edge of the porch, he looked over, peering relentlessly into the blackness. Was that... an arm? Or maybe a leg? Something was sticking out from underneath the porch.

He brought his foot down hard on the wood. "Who's there?" he shouted, subconsciously shifting his grip on the gun.

The obtrusion disappeared under the deck, and Zero frowned. “I can see you. Get out here or I’m shooting you through the wood.”

The rustling noises returned, along with some grunting, and a figure dressed in solid black clothing shimmied out from under the porch, falling on his face as soon as his hips breached the hole in the skirting. “Don’t shoot!” he called, struggling to pull the rest of himself out. “Please, don’t shoot!”

Zero’s eyes widened, his grip on the gun tightening. Even though it was hoarse and nearly drowned out by the torrential wind and rain, there was no mistaking that voice.

Kaname Kuran.

This man… this creature who had invaded his life so many years ago, who had destroyed everything Zero held dear to him, who had run him into the ground and broken him like a child who was careless with their toys… he was here. He was in front of Zero. At his house. On his property.

What? Did he think he could just waltz right back into the hunter’s life and once again do whatever he pleased? No. Not this time. Zero would protect Akina. He would protect his home. He would protect his happiness.

“What are you doing here?” he snarled, leveling the shotgun at the man of the hour.

“Please!” The brunette held up his hands in surrender. “I just needed shelter from the rain! I swear I wasn’t doing anything!”

Zero noticed something wrong with his demeanor right away. Surely Kaname would recognize him, and he wouldn’t be acting this way under any circumstances. Unless… the rumors were true?

“You expect me to believe that?” he growled, keeping himself in a threatening light until he knew more about the situation.

“Please, I swear! I swear it’s true!” Kaname shuddered, soaked to the bone, his hair in disarray over his face. “Please, let me stay under your porch, please! I’ll be gone in the morning, I promise.”

Zero lowered the weapon once more, but his gaze never left Kaname’s face.

She did it. She really did it. Yuuki turned him human, sealing his memories away forever. And then… she left him. The rumors were true.

“Get up here!” he demanded, sending the brunette in a clumsy scramble up the steps to the patio.

“Y-yes?” he stammered, his fists shaking at his sides.

Zero crossed his arms over his chest. “You do know trespassing is illegal, don’t you?”

He was caught off-guard as the ex-vampire replied by hitting his knees, bowing his head to the ground. “I know! I know… but please, please don’t send me away… I have no place to go! I just… one night, please… I’m begging you… don’t force me out in this… I’m so cold… please…”

Zero watched him for a long time. He could still feel his heart pounding his chest, the remnants of anger and bitterness seeping through his veins. But the man before him… the man before him was not Kaname. That man was regal, arrogant, manipulative, dark, secretive…  But this man… was hardly a man at all. He was a boy. Scared, alone, uncertain, cold, and probably starving. They were two different people. Just as Yuuki had been one person and then another… the same now applied to Kaname.

There were several more moments of silence, and then the hunter spoke. “Get up.”

Shaking, the older male pulled himself from his knees, hanging his head. Zero observed him for another moment or two, and then he turned and walked into the house. “Don’t track mud in here.”

“Y-yes, sir!”

Zero held the door until Kaname entered, and he shut it behind him, locking it. “Wait here,” he said, walking up the steps.

Arriving at the second story, he went down the hall to the closet, opening it up and stowing away the gun. He still had the Bloody Rose inside his jacket, and even if the weapon was for vampires only, Kaname didn’t know that and could easily be convinced otherwise.

“You let him in?”

Zero looked over his shoulder at the door to the bedroom. “Yeah.”

Akina shook her head in disbelief. “I… I… Zero! That’s really stupid! What if he tries to do something to you? What if he steals our valuables or—”

“He won’t.”

Akina stared at him a moment longer, and then she took a deep breath. “Zero… I’ve told you about this before. I know you know what’s going on, but it really makes it hard for me when you leave me in the dark and expect me to figure it out.” She took another moment to calm herself. If there was anything she had learned in the past seven months, it was to be calm and collected when pointing something out to Zero. Don’t yell at him. Don’t freak out. “Can you please tell me what’s going on?”

Zero grabbed a blanket from the top shelf. “He’s someone I know. But… he doesn’t know who he is. He’s lost his memories.”

Akina’s eyes widened. “Is it…?”

Zero nodded. He had told Akina about everything bit by bit over the course of their relationship, and she was definitely on the right track. “Don’t worry, everything’s fine. I’m going to get him dried off and give him shelter for the night. We’ll discuss what to do in the morning, alright?”

Akina nodded. “A…Alright.” She walked over to him, placing her hands on his arm and getting on her tip-toes, planting a kiss on his cheek. “Are you coming up then?”

Zero nodded, grabbing another blanket and a pillow before walking towards the stairs. “I don’t know how long I’ll be. Don’t wait up, okay?”

He started down the steps, causing the half-asleep brunette to lift his head.

“Wait!”

Zero looked up just as Akina threw down a bundle of… something. It landed atop his blankets, and he smiled up at her. “Thanks, baby.”

She gave him a thumbs up and disappeared into the bedroom.

Kaname looked up curiously, but from where he stood, he was unable to see Akina. “Who was that?” he asked, giving Zero the most innocent expression ever seen. “Is she your girlfriend?”

Zero was hesitant to reply but reminded himself that this Kaname had no intentions of harming him. “Fiancée,” he replied, taking the blankets into the living room.

“Oh, I see…” Kaname smiled, almost like an excited child. “And… are you happy together?”

Zero nodded sharply, laying one of the blankets over the couch to prevent any dirt getting on the upholstery. Getting a couch cleaned was not cheap.

“That sounds nice…” Kaname rocked a little on his heels, a dreamy look in his eyes. “I hope to find someone like that, too… someone who can be my light…”

Zero inwardly cringed. Yuuki. He had always said Yuuki was his light… and look how his light had treated him. “You’ll find it,” was all he said.

Zero grabbed the bundle Akina had thrown him and smiled. Dry clothes and a towel.

“Alright, then...” He walked over to Kaname, throwing the towel over his head and drying his hair, albeit a bit roughly. The brunette did not object, and in a few moments, his hair was mostly dry.

“Okay, off with the clothes.”

Chocolate eyes widened and snapped downwards. “Is that—” He looked back up. “Is that appropriate?”

Zero shrugged. “We’re both guys, right? Just take it off.”

A light blush rose on the man’s cheeks, and he fumbled with his buttons, trying to undo his shirt and pants. Zero couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight, and he reached out, swatting Kaname’s hands away and unfastening the buttons himself. “There.”

Kaname’s face turned a few shades darker, and he peeled of his wet shirt and jacket before dropping his pants to the floor and kicking off his shoes and socks. “Thank you… um… uh… wh-what’s your name?”

“Zero.” The hunter ran the towel over the other’s body, patting him dry. “And you are?”

Silence.

“And you are?” he repeated, a little more force in his voice. He didn’t expect Kaname to know the answer to the question, but he wanted to see how honest the other was going to be.

“I…” Kaname shook his head, chewing on his lip. “I can’t… remember.”

Zero arched an eyebrow, disbelief lacing his tone. “You can’t remember?”

Kaname caught the tone, and swallowed thickly. “I’m not lying! D-don’t look at me like that, I—I woke up in the middle of nowhere! I haven’t been able to remember anything! I… I mean, I know how to walk and talk… and I’ve picked up a few things wandering from place to place but… please… please believe me…”

Zero knelt down, drying the other’s legs. Kaname sounded terrified—but of what? Zero was only giving the impression that he thought Kaname was lying. Perhaps the other thought he was… going to throw him out? Or call an asylum?

“…Kaname.”

“Wh-what?”

Zero got to his feet, tossing the towel on the floor with the discarded wet clothes. “Your name.”

The ex-vampire blinked. “My…?”

“You look like a Kaname, so that’s what I’m calling you.” Zero grabbed the clean attire and held it out to the pureblood. “Drop the boxers and get dressed.”

Kaname took the bundle, staring at it in confusion and embarrassment. He didn’t move to put it on. He didn’t even pick a specific article to look at. He just stared at the bundle his hands, eyes hidden by his bangs, head slightly lowered.

“…help.”

Zero frowned. “What?”

“I… since I’ve woken up… without my memories… I… I haven’t gotten dressed.” He motioned to the pile on the floor. “That’s what I was wearing… and that’s all I’ve worn since.” His faced turned redder yet. “Please… help me.”

Zero sighed, extending a hand. “Clothes.”

Kaname gave them to him, biting his lip.

Zero set the bundle down, grabbing the shirt first. “Arms up.”

The other male did as he was told, and Zero shoved the shirt down over his head and hands.

“Boxers off.”

Once again, Kaname was obedient, and Zero grabbed the dry undergarments and held them down near the floor. “Step into them. Lean on me if you have to.”

Fingers coiled through his shirt as Kaname gripped him for support, and after a moment of struggling and a bit of confusion, both feet were in, and Zero slid them up over his hips. He grabbed the sweats. “Same thing as before.”

The process was repeated, and Zero stood up, stepping back to look at his handiwork. Kuran’s hair was still a mess, and there were dark circles underneath his eyes, relaying several days of sleeplessness, but he was dry and a little less pale. His cheeks were rosy—although that may have been left over humiliation—and a little grin lingered on his lips.

“That’s enough for now. You’ll take a shower in the morning.”

Kaname nodded. “Yes, sir.”

The ex-human couldn’t help but find it ironic that the man who had once been angry over something as simple as Zero baring his fangs was now saying ‘yes, sir’ to every command Zero gave him.

“You’ll sleep on the couch tonight, and we’ll talk about what to do with you in the morning.”

Kaname nodded, taking a few hesitant steps. A little giggle broke through his lips, and Zero glanced at him.

“What?”

“I… my feet. This feels good.”

Zero glanced down at the body part in question, pursing his lips. “Oh… you mean going barefoot.”

“Is that what it’s called?” he asked, taking a few more steps and taking a moment to savor the carpeting. “Y-yes! Yes, I like it very much.”

Zero’s lips twitched as he fought off a smile, and he watched in silence as the other made it over to the couch. Kaname flopped down, a gasp escaping him as he hit the cushions.

“It’s—it’s so soft!” He bounced a little, smiling. “I’ve never felt anything this comfortable before!”

This time, Zero was unable to fight the smile, though it was a sad one that found its way to his lips. “The sofa is very soft, yes.” He grabbed the pillow and put it at one end. “Put your head on that.”

Kaname complied, letting out a contented sigh as he sank into the down. “Zero… this… this is wonderful… you didn’t… have to do this...” He yawned, the comfort of the couch and the warmth of the house pulling him into slumber. “…I could have… stayed under… the porch…”

Zero shook his head, throwing the other blanket over him and tucking him in somewhat. “Nah. I wasn’t gonna leave you out in that. It wouldn’t be right.”

Kaname’s smiled, his eyelids slowly lowering. “You’re… v-very… kind… th-thank you…”

“You’re welcome. Just go to sleep now.”

Chocolate brown eyes closed completely as his breathing evened out, and Zero watched on in silence, millions of thoughts swarming through his mind.

One week. Kaname had spent one week in this world, and already he had realized how hateful everyone could be. If he hadn’t experienced mistreatment at the hands of others, he wouldn’t have said Zero was kind. He would have assumed that everyone was like Zero, and that the hunter’s behavior was normal and to be expected. But he didn’t. He appreciated it. He was surprised by it.

One week and already life was trying to screw him over.

Zero’s frown deepened.

Why would Yuuki think that this was okay? Why did she think anything she did was okay? ‘Just look at him!’ he wanted to say to her. ‘Look at me! Don’t you see what you’re doing?’

Over the past year and a half, Zero had really gotten his life together. He had a steady income, a fairly nice house, a woman who loved him and had remained faithful to him during the course of their relationship, a wedding to anticipate, and then perhaps children… yes, things were looking up for Zero.

So what? She decided to mess with someone else now that he had finally recovered?

Zero reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. He tilted Kaname’s head back, examining his face. He was exhausted—probably having nightmares just as Yuuki had when she had lost her memory. She knew how horrible and painful it was—why would she turn around and do that to a man she claimed to love?

“Hey…”

A soft voice invaded his thoughts, causing him to jump slightly. He turned and found Akina standing in the doorway, a light smile on her face.

“I told you to go to bed awhile… Everything’s fine.”

“No, it’s not.” The brunette walked over, sitting down beside him and looking at Kaname for a few moments before speaking again. “You’re upset, I can tell. Is it bringing back painful memories for you?”

Zero was quiet for a moment, and then he nodded, wetting his lips. “Yeah.”

“…About what?”

The silverette shook his head. “Nothing.”

“Zero, you know if you don’t talk about it, it’s going to get worse.” She nudged his arm a little. “Come on… talk to me.”

A heavy sigh passed through his lips, and he stared at the floor, shoulders slumping a bit. “I… she hasn’t changed. Not one bit. Just… just look what she did to him. He’s a mess. I can’t… I can’t even hate him right now. And I hate him so much—you don’t understand. You cannot comprehend how much I… but… I can’t.”

Akina looked at the man on her couch again. “Yeah… he looks pretty wreckish to me…”

Another heavy sigh. “I just… I want to… I want to do something. To tell her she can’t do this anymore. To tell her she needs to stop, and she’s not the victim. But no matter what I say… she’s never going to change. Never…”

For a while, things were quiet in the room. The fire still crackled, the clock still ticked, and rain still pounded on the windows and the roof. But for the most part, it was quiet.

“Zero… I think the best thing you can do… is help those she continues to hurt. If you… keep helping them… teaching them to live on their own and not fall for her lies… teach them how to be like you… eventually, no one’s going to play her game anymore.” Akina squeezed his arm, giving him an encouraging smile.

He smiled back. “Yeah… yeah, maybe.” He paused, looking up at the ceiling thoughtfully. “I heard she had Kaname’s child…”

Akina frowned. “She’s not fit to raise a kid.”

Zero snorted. “Don’t I know it.” He pursed his lips, thinking for a moment more. “Maybe I can investigate it. As president to be, I have that kind of authority… if I could have their child removed from her care… that would be one more person safe from her. And…” He looked at Kaname. “And maybe Kaname could have a little happiness then…”

Akina looked up at him. “But are you happy? With him around… with her child… with her still somewhat a part of your life… will you be happy?”

Zero turned to her, his chest warming up. Words could not express the love he felt for this woman. This night had been such a perfect example of why he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. She was independent and strong, but she trusted him and did what he asked of her. She was caring and thoughtful towards others, but most importantly… she cared about him. She actually cared about whether or not he was happy and satisfied.

Smiling, he lowered his lips to her, kissing her softly. “As long as you stay by my side… I can’t be anything but happy.”

She smiled up at him, and then she rested her head on his shoulder. “I love you…”

“I love you, too…”

Zero put an arm around her, squeezing her tightly. She was his light. She was his entire world. She was his happiness.

And maybe with time and practice, he could try to forgive Kaname. Maybe Kaname could experience happiness, too. Maybe they could get Kaname’s child. Maybe that kid could be happy, too. Maybe he could find the old Night Class students. Maybe they could be happy.

Maybe all of that was possible, but for the moment… Zero was just going to appreciate that he was happy. After all of his struggles and hardships, after being used and manipulated and thrown away like trash, after being wounded and beaten in every way possible… he had found happiness. It had been a long road. A hard road. A painful road. But it didn’t matter because it was all worth it in the end.

Zero Kiryuu found happiness.

And he was never letting go.