trying on a metaphor
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
dirt enthusiast
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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#extradirty
Mike Driver
KIROKAZE
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
taylor price
DEAR READER
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I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Claire Keane
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sheepfilms
Sweet Seals For You, Always
$LAYYYTER
d e v o n
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seen from Colombia
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@klausbaudelaier
ASOUE Week: Favourite Arc
The story was so terrible that Violet cried a little while telling it, and she brushed a tear from her eye as she waited for a reply from the operator. But no voice came out of the phone. “I think we’d better hang up.” Klaus said gently “But why isn’t anyone answering?” Violet cried “Who will help us?” she asked. “Who will take care of us?” “We’ll have to take care of ourselves,” Klaus said
moxie mallahan
i stopped looking at her typewriter and looked at her eyes. their colour was pretty interesting, too - a dark grey, like they’d once been black but somebody had washed them or had made her cry for a long time.
favorite male character – [40/50] male characters – Klaus Baudelaire “As Martin Luther King said, “Morality cannot be legislated, but behavior can be regulated. Judicial decrees may not change the heart, but they can restrain the heartless.”
a series of unfortunate moodboards; Dewey Denouement
.//illustration
“People aren’t either wicked or noble. They’re like chef’s salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.”
Fiona: a Chef’s salad
I’ve always thought of Fiona as a bit of a chef’s salad like in Lemony Snicket’s words - it is easy to hate her for what she had done but really she is just a(nother) human with her own set of emotions and motivations and moral values.
This work was done as part of a collaboration for the vfd zine: @vfd-calendar-zine check them out if you haven’t!
More Modern Classics From The Baudelaire Boy - (Also thank you Chaz ( @beehymns ) for coming up with the second title. I thought it was too good not to make)
ASOUE Blogs??
Like or reblog this if you post a lot of ASOUE or ATWQ! I’m on a kick right now and want to follow more Snicket blogs ♡♡♡
quick violet and klaus baudelaire sketch (sunny is on top of mount fraught i definitely didn’t forget to place her in this picture)
I forgot about this quality hand made Lemony Snicket meme courtesy of my partner @weareunfashionedcreatures and their typewriter.
Oh, you know - the scientific principles of the convergence and refraction of light.
Klaus: I have feelings for you.
Isadora: I have feelings for YOU.
Lemony, narrating: The feeling was friendship, but neither had ever experienced it.
Who You Should Fight: ASOUE Edition
inspired by a conversation with @jewishsnickets; feel free to reblog with your own additions
Violet Baudelaire Who wins: Violet listen. our girl is small but she’s a junior engineer and she’ll break your fucking bones with a wrench. she knows all your weaknesses and she’ll exploit them without a second thought. How To Make A Molotov Cocktail is casual knowledge to her. you don’t stand a chance. and don’t try to use her siblings as leverage bc she will straight up MURDER you
Klaus Baudelaire Who wins: me if you want to get to klaus you will have to get thru me first and i’ll take you the FUCK down. you’ll never know what he fights like because i won’t let you near him. leave this soft young man alone you barbarian. i’ll bury you behind a fucking tool shed
Sunny Baudelaire Who wins: no one this going to scar you physically and her emotionally for life. if you fight a baby you’ve already lost. if you fight sunny you double lost. she’s going to be traumatized and you’re going to be hospitalized, there’s no good ending here. you could possibly take her down just based on sheer size, but at what cost? just walk away, man
Count Olaf Who wins: everyone not only are you entirely capable of doing so, but it is your moral and civic duty to kick count olaf’s ass and have a friend film it and post it online. sure, he might bite you with his gross mouth and give you a disease or two, but this is something you have to do. it would take maybe three hits to get him down for good, but don’t be scared to try a little harder. maybe run him over with a shopping cart from whatever ever store parking lot you’re fighting in for good measure
Mr. Poe Who wins: you this guy is a banker with a chronic cough. at most you just have to knock off his hat, wait for him to lean down to pick it up, and push him the rest of the way over. maybe bring down his morale first by insulting capitalism
Esmé Squalor Who wins: Esmé she can knock over entire rows of full file cabinets while she’s standing there in unstable fucking KNIFE HEELS. she’s not even human. she is the physical embodiment of deadly style and the very idea that you even think you can fight her would make her laugh. she will turn you into a coat and then decide that people coats are OUT. she will make you furniture. she will make you cry. she will make you dead. if you’ve got beef with esmé and you want to take it to blows, you’ve got beef with your own damn self
Jerome Squalor Who wins: you there won’t even be a fight. he’ll just stand there and let you hit him. he might try to talk you out of it unless you seem like you REALLY want to beat him up. don’t do this to him. don’t do this to yourself. this is just sad
Carmelita Spats Who wins: you despite her attitude, carmelita is in fact just a little kid, and has little to no combat experience. you could very easily beat her in a fight, and would probably feel less bad about it than you would for fighting any of the other children on this list. however, a better idea might be to instead adopt her and raise her to be a better, kinder person. an attentive, firm, loving parent in her life could do the whole world a lot better than fighting her
Queen Debbie’s boyfriend, Tony Who wins: lions listen i know we all want to kick tony’s ass but the lions got there first and we have to wait our turn. it’s only polite. someday they will be done and maybe he won’t be murdered and we can all give him a good kick. one thing’s for sure, whenever they ARE done, he doesn’t stand a chance against anyone
Kit Snicket Who wins: Kit kit is resourceful as fuck and she does not take shit. she WILL NOT take shit. you might at some point think you can get away something because she’s “pregnant” or “dying” and she will cure you of that notion real quick. your only defense is to question the morality of VFD and send her on a snicket tangent, but kit can talk and kick ass at the same time. you’re screwed.
Beatrice Baudelaire I Who wins: you beatrice could tear you apart verbally but at the end of the day she’s good at two things: acting and scandalous secrets. if you aren’t a play or a soap opera plot twist, you can easily take her down. she’s a weak fighter. she’ll taunt you long after she’s down, but if you can take that and the lifelong fear that lemony snicket will come for your ass, this will be a piece of cake.
Beatrice Baudelaire II Who wins: Beatrice oh, come on, she’s the child of KIT SNICKET and was raised by the baudelaire children. she’s ten and can still kick the ass of you and anyone else on this list or planet with ease and finesse. she’ll mop the floor with you and then ask the establishment for an actual mop to clean up after herself because she’s as polite as she is deadly. if you made the choice to fight her it would be the worst choice of your life, though if you begged for mercy she would likely grant it
Lemony Snicket Who wins: unknown lemony snicket is strong, unpredictable even to himself, and accustomed to living with atrocities on his shoulders. he is equally likely to either kick your ass or have a gentle talk with you about why you so desperately want to fight people. bringing up beatrice might leave him too woeful to even stand, or it might just make him disappointed in you. do not engage in fisticuffs with lemony snicket. if you see him, ask for a book recommendation and back away slowly while he’s distracted with his own talking
BONUS: Daniel Handler Who wins: HANIEL danhan is a stone cold motherfucker who will gladly destroy you physically and emotionally at the same time. he’ll tear apart your interests and your taste in various arts while he gives you internal bleeding. he is proficient in hand to hand combat, probably, and Yelling. nothing you say or do can stop him. he’s fairly tall so he could possibly just step on you and you would die. he would make a statement that you would be unable to tell if it was sarcasm or truth and if you asked he would give you a Look and make you feel ashamed. he possesses unknowable power and the ability to keep a straight face in photos. you should and will fear him
The Signs as Iconique Esme Squalor Looks
Aries: The E.S.M.E Fingernails
Taurus: The Flame-Imitating Dress
Gemini: The Tagliatelle Grande
Cancer: I’m-Not-In-Disguise-I-Just-Wear-A-Motorcycle-Helmet-All-The-Time
Leo: Pinstripes
Virgo: Smoking a Verdant Flammable Device
Libra: The Stiletto-Stilettos
Scorpio: That Octopus Dress
Sagittarius: The I <3 Freaks Ensemble
Capricorn: Accessorising with a harpoon gun
Aquarius: Telescopic Glasses are very in right now
Pisces: Five Lettuce Leaves and n o t h i n g e l s e
concept: a series of unfortunate events colouring books featuring all brett helquist’s drawings from the books
I’ve spent years making post after post trying to pinpoint the exact thing that Daniel Handler (Lemony Snicket) did differently than J.K. Rowling, which caused him to somehow turn Olaf into an amazing villain while Snape is still causing hatred and controversy in the fandom a decade later.
And after mentioning something in passing in another post, it suddenly hit me what that difference was.
J.K. Rowling approached her character with the mentality that a person can be redeemed if its revealed that they could have been a good person but circumstance and tragedy got in the way. She sees the fact that you could be forced into being a horrible person as a huge tragedy and tries to emphasize what could have been. She doesn’t just do it with Snape (Dumbledore’s another great contender) but Snape’s arguably her biggest victim when it comes to this. She shows you what his life was like and lets you know what could have been if only this had changed or that had changed. And she does so in a way that makes you feel sympathetic towards Snape, enough so that you’re supposed to totally agree with Harry when he names his child after him. Because sure he wasn’t that great but he could have been had the situation been different.
And Daniel Handler begins doing the same thing with Olaf. After books upon books of building him up to be this evil guy, he abruptly releases one of the most tragic backstories in villain history, making you realize that Olaf‘s life could have been a lot different had he not been forced into certain situations due to tragedy and circumstance. And like Rowling, Handler also presents this as something that’s tragic. But here’s where he differs.
Because Rowling’s stance is: “This character could have been this instead and can you imagine how wonderful that would have been, had it not been for these circumstances?”
Whereas Handler’s stance is, “Well yeah, this is what the character could have been but this is what he ended up becoming and like it or not, this is who he is and this is who he’ll be remembered for.”
Rowling wants you to know that doing horrible things doesn’t make you a horrible person because there could be a rhyme or reason to your actions. A solid grey morality.
Handler wants you to know that doing horrible things does make you a horrible person because no matter what the motif is, you’re still doing horrible things and will be remembered for said horrible things.
Which is infinitely more tragic, infinitely more morally ambiguous, and infinitely more interesting.
J.K. Rowling tried to redeem Snape.
But Handler? Handler managed to redeem Olaf and not redeem him at the same time. Handler made his backstory tragic and he showed the reader exactly how things could have ended up, causing you to sympathize with the villain. But he also showed the reader exactly how things did end up, reminding you that no matter what could have been, it’s not what happened; instead we have this evil man who has done horrible things that are far too heinous to take back, no matter how much he may want to.
And while Rowling and many other YA authors took the approach that it’s never too late to redeem yourself and become the good person you should have been all along, Handler straight up took the, “Nope, for some people it’s far too late and no matter how much they may want to redeem themselves, they never will and they’ll have to die knowing that they are hated.”
And I don’t care how much you love Harry Potter, Handler’s approach to this character and the overall bleak philosophy and moral implications is on a whole other level of writing! I think the only other piece of fiction I’ve ever seen that approaches this philosophy of un-redemption is Bojack Horseman and you can still argue that Handler does it better because he’s able to scale it down so that kids can understand it, even if they don’t want to.
And yet, at the end of the day, Handler’s entire philsophy of how you might not be able to redeem yourself can really be summarized in one gif:
a series of unfortunate moodboards; Count Olaf
Bisexual Violet Baudelaire moodboard
