I'd rather be in outer space đ¸
Phantogram Three
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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$LAYYYTER
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@knittedjumperandbelstaff
so iâm currently working at a law firm and the other day one of the attorneys was talking to me and he mentioned that heâs ânot very confrontationalâ and i was like you are?? a lawyer???
and he said âyeah but in court there are rules. i can argue with some shmuck in a suit in front of a judge no problem, but when i leave the courthouse and go home iâm not gonna argue with my wife about dinner. there are no rules in our kitchen. i would die.â
This is honestly what i look like in my minds eye
Yesterday I overheard someone talking about how he was taking classes at the University of Maryland because they offer free tuition if youâre over 60.Â
My brain IMMEDIATELY began scripting a screwball comedy in which a broke millennial who desperately want to finish his long-abandoned degree but is drowning in student debt pretends to be a senior citizen in order to attend college for free.
Iâm picturing someone Channing Tatumesque, applying age makeup every morning before he heads off to class. Itâs sort of a cross between 21 Jump Street and Mrs. Doubtfire. He keeps forgetting which hip is supposed to be his bad one. His classmates laugh every time he uses slang. Thereâs definitely a scene where he attends a college party and busts it up on the dance floor.
He catches the eye of a fellow returning student, a woman in her 50s, but she thinks heâs like 70 and sheâs already buried one husband, you know? Sheâs not interested in doing that again. When his charade unravels (hilariously) at the end of the movie, though, she finds out heâs actually like 30 and has abs you could bounce a quarter off. And heâs still super into her. And really, maybe itâs time she gave May-December romance a chance.
The endâŚ
That was savage
O B L I T E R A T E DÂ
E V A P O R A T E D
[source]
Peter Parker, a Gen Z kid, screws up: Fuck, guess Iâll kill myself.
Steve Rogers, an artist during the 30âs and a soldier during WWII who knows full well what Dadaism and fatalistic humor are: Thereâs bleach under the sinkâ
Bucky Barnes, the guy who listened to Steveâs art rants in the 30âs, watched his back in WWII and went through 70+ years of shit: âAnd a rope in the supply closet if you want options.
Rest of the Avengers: ?????!!!!!!!?????
Shuri, also a gen z kid: donât be a coward, jump out the window. Have some style would you
A porcupineâs Halloween present (+ original sound effects)
I had no idea giant porcupines made fucking precious sounds
THATâS THE SOUND IT MAKES!?!?!?
UN-BE-FUCKING-LIEVABLEÂ
We got asked if this is cute and okay. I can very happily say yes, this is stupid cute and those are happy porcupine noises.Â
One of my favorite things about doing zoo work was all the noises you never realize the animals make when theyâre excited or interested in a new thing. Coatimundis squeak and snuffle, and giant porcupines make that sound.Â
Itâs been a long time since Iâve seen this video on my dash, so itâs time to bring it back! The information provided above is still correct, and was sourced directly from the zookeeper that takes care of this specific animal.
Let that bitch knowÂ
READ THAT BITCH
They thought he was gonna be one of their âyes manâ black correspondentsâŚ
That was on fox????
Drag haaaaaa!!!!!!!
He is a hero, Iâm so here for it
when he said the culture of these crazy white boys shooting up schools. oh my gosh.
^^that gif was legit me at that very moment!
Who put the Round 2 bell? đŠđŠđŠ So glad heâs not afraid to speak up! #PutWhitePeopleInTheirPlace2Kforever
She shoulda known she was in trouble as soon as she saw he was wearing a bowtie. Ainât no games when a nigga wears a bowtie.
that gif was literally me at my desk lmao
Yesss everyone needs to reblog this okayy⌠đđđŻ
Yesss will forever reblog!
This Bitch though, well said Sir
Who is that dude
Just Trying To Blend In With My Green Screen
Put Helen Mirren in there and the universe will implode with over perfection
Just ask dear.
PUT JUDI DENCH THERE. FUCKING DO IT. I LOVE YOU LOLA
This starts to looks like âThe Last Supperâ
Here is Maggie. Youâre welcome.
I canât not reblog this. It would seem like sacrilege.
Someone had to do it eventually. Bless.
IM FRAMING THIS FOR TIMES OF TROUBLE
how do you think the kronk voice actor feels knowing heâll only ever be recognized as the kronk voice actor
patrick warburton has a net worth of 30 million dollars which is the amount I will pay to end this disrespect right now
get fucking rekt OP
he has exactly one voice that he can do but lord knows that wont stop him and i respect that
yes but itâs like the most Powerful voice to exist
Thatâs what kills me. This man gets work for the same voice all fucking day and you will never get bored of it. An icon.
me when a girl refers to her âpartnerâ: đ me when i find out she was talking about her boyfriend with a beard: đ´
bi women when the lesbian you were talking to suddenly devalues you for dating a guy:Â
woman finding out the lesbian shes talking to assumes her nb partner is a man:
tony hawk landing the 1st ever 900 seen at the x games in 1999:
Me when a straight person doesnât understand the concept of the post but tries to be included
GIMME GIMME GIMME A MAN AFTER MIDNIGHT
The very first line of the song - I shit you not - I legitimately felt the physical sensation of my soul leaving out of my chest and Ascending.
my butthole just dilated to the size of the business end of a baseball bat
Thatâs so sad wiretap play Despacito
This weekend I was schmoozing at an event when some guy asked me what kind of history I study. I said âIâm currently researching the role of gender in Jewish emigration out of the Third Reich,â and he replied âoh you just threw gender in there for fun, huh?â and shot me what he clearly thought to be a charming smile.
The reality is that most of our understandings of history revolve around what men were doing. But by paying attention to the other half of humanity our understanding of history can be radically altered.
For example, with Jewish emigration out of the Third Reich it is just kind of assumed that it was a decision made by a man, and the rest of his family just followed him out of danger. But that is completely inaccurate. Women, constrained to the private social sphere to varying extents, were the first to notice the rise in social anti-Semitism in the beginning of Hitlerâs rule. They were the ones to notice their friends pulling away and their social networks coming apart. They were the first to sense the danger.
German Jewish men tended to work in industries which were historically heavily Jewish, thus keeping them from directly experiencing this âsocial death.â These women would warn their husbands and urge them to begin the emigration process, and often their husbands would overlook or undervalue their concerns (âyouâre just being hystericalâ etc). After the Nuremberg Laws were passed, and after even more so after Kristallnacht, it fell to women to free their husbands from concentration camps, to run businesses, and to wade through the emigration process.
The fact that the Nazis initially focused their efforts on Jewish men meant that it fell to Jewish women to take charge of the family and plan their escape. In one case, a woman had her husband freed from a camp (to do so, she had to present emigration papers which were not easy to procure), and casually informed him that she had arranged their transport to Shanghai. Her husbandâso traumatized from the campâmade no argument. Just by looking at what women were doing, our understanding of this era of Jewish history is changed.
I have read an article arguing that the Renaissance only existed for men, and that women did not undergo this cultural change. The writings of female loyalists in the American Revolutionary period add much needed nuance to our understanding of this period. The character of Jewish liberalism in the first half of the twentieth century is a direct result of the education and socialization of Jewish women. I can give you more examples, but I think you get the point.
So, you wanna understand history? Then you gotta remember the ladies (and not just the privileged ones).
ask historicity-was-already-taken a question
Holy fuck. I was raised Jewishâ with female Rabbis, even!â and I did not hear about any of this. Gender studies are important.Â
Why Gender History is Important (Asshole)
âso you just threw gender in there for funâ ffs i hope you poured his drink down his pants
I actually studied this in one of my classes last semester. It was beyond fascinating.Â
There was one woman who begged her husband for months to leave Germany. When he refused to listen to her, she refused to get into bed with him at night, instead kneeling down in front of him and begging him to listen to her, or if he wouldnât listen to her, to at least tell her who he would listen to. He gave her the name of a close, trusted male friend. She went and found that friend, convinced him of the need to get the hell out of Europe, and then brought him home. Thankfully, her husband finally saw sense and moved their family to Palestine.
Another woman had a bit more control over her own situation (she was a lawyer). She had read Mein Kampf when it was first published and saw the writing on the wall. She asked her husband to leave Europe, but he didnât want to leave his (very good) job and told her that he had faith in his countrymen not to allow an evil man to have his way. She sent their children to a boarding school in England, but stayed in Germany by her husbandâs side. Once it was clear that if they stayed in Germany they were going to die, he fled to France but was quickly captured and killed. His wife, however, joined the French Resistance and was active for over a year before being captured and sent to Auschwitz.
(This is probably my favorite of these stories) The third story is about a young woman who saved her fiance and his father after Kristallnacht. She was at home when the soldiers came, but her fiance was working late in his shop. Worried for him, she snuck out (in the middle of all the chaos) to make sure he was alright. She found him cowering (quite understandably) in the back of his shop and then dragged him out, hoping to escape the violence. Unfortunately, they were stopped and he, along with hundreds of other men, was taken to a concentration camp. She was eventually told that she would have to go to the camp in person to free him, and so she did. Unfortunately, the only way she could get there was on a bus that was filled with SS men; she spent the entire trip smiling and flirting with them so that they would never suspect that she wasnât supposed to be there. When she got to the camp, she convinced whoever was in charge to release her fiance. She then took him to another camp and managed to get her father-in-law to be released. Her father-in-law was a rabbi, so she grabbed a couple or witnesses and made him perform their marriage ceremony right then and there so that it would be easier for her to get her now-husband out of the country, which she did withing a few months. This woman was so bad ass that not only was her story passed around resistance circles, even the SS men told it to each other and honoured her courage.Â
The moral of these stories is that men tend to trust their governments to take care of them because they always have; women know that our governments will screw us over because they always have.Â
Another interesting tidbit is that there is sufficient evidence to suggest that Kristallnacht is a term that historians came up with after the fact, and was not what the event was actually called at the time. Itâs likely that the event was actually called was (Iâm sorry that I canât remember the German word for it but it translates to) night of the feathers, because that, instead of broken glass, is the image that stuck in peopleâs minds because the soldiers also went into peopleâs homes and destroyed their bedding, throwing the feathers from pillows and blankets into the air. What does it say that in our history we have taken away the focus of the event from the more domestic, traditionally feminine, realms, and placed it in the business, traditionally masculine, realms?
Badass women and interesting commentary. Though I would argue that âNight of Broken Glass" includes both the personal and the private spheres. It was called Kristallnacht by the Nazis, which led to Jewish survivors referring to it as the November Pogrom until the term âKristallnacht" was reclaimed, as such.
None of this runs directly counter to your fascinating commentary, though.
READ THIS.
â The moral of these stories is that men tend to trust their governments to take care of them because they always have; women know that our governments will screw us over because they always have. â
listen. itâs 2018. itâs time to admit, finally, that bbc sherlock is, in fact, bad, and was only good because we watched it when we were 15 and didnât know how to dismantle scripts that SOUND clever but are really just gold-flake covered shit
*angry and annoyed asexual agreement*
whatâs this mean
It means they agreed but werenât like, horny about it i guess
you did it lesbians! all cartoons are gay!
