@knockingword

I want storytelling to be my superpower.

[okayyfine-deactivated20160402]

Rain came pouring down…

[taylorswift]

I had to screen shot this for Instagram but I love how the original is in motion.

[secureoncampus-blog]

So it’s really 3 things. The first thing is about opportunity. The second thing is about being sexy. And the third thing is about living life. So first: opportunity. I believe that opportunity looks a lot like hard work. When I was 13, I had my first job with my dad carrying shingles up to the roof. And then I got a job washing dishes at a restaurant. And then I got a job in a grocery store deli. And then I got a job at a factory sweeping Cheerio dust off the ground. And I’ve never had a job in my life that I was better than; I was always just lucky to have a job. And every job I had was a stepping stone to my next job and I never quit my job until I had my next job. And so opportunities look a lot like work. Number two: being sexy. The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart. And being thoughtful. And being generous. Everything else is crap! I promise you! It’s just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less, so don’t buy it. Be smart, be thoughtful, and be generous. The third thing is something that I just relearned when I was making this movie about Steve Jobs. And Steve Jobs said when you grow up, you tend to get told that the world is the way that it is. And that your life is to live your life inside the world and try not to get in too much trouble and maybe get an education and get a job and make some money and have a family. But life can be a lot broader than that when you realize one simple thing. And that is that everything around us that we call life was made up by people that are no smarter than you. And you can build your own things. You can build your own life that other people can live in. So build a life. Don’t live one; build one, find your opportunities, and always be sexy.

Ashton Kutcher (Teen Choice Awards 2013)

3 things

[knockingword]

Trying to make my first gif here. Feels like a midaged dad trying to figure out what this hype around the internet is actually about

[taylorswift]

I know places…….

#TS1989

[knockingword]

Back tumblring again

I wake up with the feeling that I need to organise my social media presence. That came with the idea that I should polish up my G+, tumblr and twitter profiles. I would like to do it wisely with the aim to find the use for each network.

About facebook - I try to do it exluding FB. That is so out of use nowadays.

[tinyhousesgalore]

[instant-agancs]

ez + mellé egy barátnő és készen is vagyunk az ideális élettel.

[markbuza]

Kell!

[knockingword]

This would be enough. I imagine the tunes of http://youtu.be/APlvOHMtIHI humming in the background.

[knockingword]

Sometimes I wish I would be hit by a car. Not that I want to die, a thorough amnesy would be enough for me, just to make myself forget about my insecurities and past harms that my life currently seems to be so defined by.

Other times, believing that God would mean every word of this song when singing it to me is more than enough.

[knockingword]

A hó, kedves Adsóm, csudálatos pergamen, s az emberi testek remekül olvasható betűkkel szokták telivetni.

Umberto Eco: A rózsa neve (Európa, 2011 p126/617)

[knockingword]

Reading: The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer

Today I have started reading The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. I came across with the book on a Bible study forum (I can't remember which) where they offered it as a free reading material.

Right now I am 28 per cent of the processing, and I have digested two chapters of it. The first was about the paradox of seeking God - we seek Him with all our longings inside us. We have an idea of what we are missing, so we partly know (=have found) God, yet we need to find it again. (Tozer have much better English than I do).

The second chapter is about another paradox - that we have to lose our lives in order to find it. This same idea is shown in the story of Abraham who had to think about giving up his own son just to God give him a lesson about possessing. Key message: you may have everything but you should never possess anything.

Seems blurred. Read the book.

[d-vouring-blog]

[knockingword]

That sec is me

Now it's official. I want to escape from all the busy thoughts of my boring life, I want to get free from all the pressure I feel when thinking about living is a society of mine. I want to set free, to live in a hut (or shack) in Alaska, or somewhere hidden from the place I live now.

But next to all this longing for being alone, there is an ongoing need to feel the sense of community, to being accepted and loved for who I am and not what I might have been. This is a terrible ambiguity in my life that I can only resolve by dreaming of a huge change in my life that would wash away my present environment or at least paint it to white with snow and make it warm with love and compassion.

I think I am puzzled, that it the word for it. Puzzled about my life, puzzled about my future and puzzled about the clear distance between what I am inside and what I see myself to be outside. I don't know whether it would ever dissolve in me. I can only wish that it may change.

Now I have an idea that if I'd been a writer that can communicate all this ambiguity in a book, it would be a nice one to read. Too bad I am not skilled in writing, see:

If I had to paint my life, that painting would be a romantic painting of a snowy field with a lonely tree standing in the middle: alone have to be facing with the powers of nature: storms, disasterous hurricanes and the probe of time. Right now there are several dark blue clouds towering above me, the field is getting darker and every living creature is running away from the shadowy clouds as if they can escape their own judgment day.

again in poem:

if i was a painting

i'd be a tree in a field

lonely as I am standing

as lonely as can be.

I would be very old

older than then the breeze

that raises at the poles 

and travel on seven seas.

I'd be about to face judgment

a storm above me

shadows of darkness

as the clouds appear.

That very moment

that would be me

not knowing what's next

and what will soon be.

It's going to be change

that's what it feels

when you smell the wind

that will make it clear.

That very moment

when facing the thrill

of not knowing what's next.

That sec is me.

After writing it, I have found a picture that can serve as an illustration of what I feel now:

[knockingword]

This is a sound I like to listen to right now...

I think that I can learn to fly - I see it in my Father's Eyes.

(Ask Embla - Father's Eyes)

[knockingword]

Lost in Ideologies

Today is an aweful day for me. I had an extremely severe quarrell with my mother and the worst part is that the chance for changing is not yet to be seen. There is something in quarrells - that is a state of mind, when your anger brings up things deeply buried in your mind. Well, lots of pessivism, no chance for hope, hatred and anxiety have been digged out of my mind today. And that is how most people behave in a situation like this, so far it's okay. What is not okay, is that so far my anxiety, hatred and all these negative feelings had been suppressed in me so far. It feels like my ideologies kept my senses in a limit that failed to see the truth about me. The truth is that I can be a very aggressive at times, I am a hateful person with lots of energy that can burst out anytime. It is neither good nor bad. It is just me and until I am aware of these features of me, I can handle them and most certainly will. Ideologies are good as they show you something you would like to be. But remember that you are not your idol and may never be.

[knockingword]

a little vocab

tumbler noun

3 (old-fashioned)an acrobat who performs somersaults (= a jump in which you turn over completely in the air)

tumble verb

4 [intransitive] + adverb/preposition to move or fall somewhere in a relaxed, uncontrolled, or noisy way

[knockingword]

Re-discovering tumblr

I have been here. I have loved it here, yet I left tumblr. I felt inspired here by those stylish pictures, I felt this is the place for self-expression, yet I decided to stop blogging here. 

Now I am back, as I thought I should give it another try.

It's Easter Sunday. I considered Easter the start, the restart of something. So now, I hope my blog will resurrect with Christ today. :)

[knockingword]

I just... need ... want to feel like I'm in control and when I don't, that makes me mad. And maybe I am mad a lot, because I don't know if you've noticed but there are things you can't control in life.

Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives S06E13

[knockingword]

July the 8th, 2010

This day has been extremely special for me. It was a perfect example of roller-coster, it was coloured by lots of twists and turns. First, I've got to know quite a number of young radio broadcaster-to-bes and I can tell you we both had a huge impact on each other. Next I was yelled at for saying my opinion and was put in an emotional environment where I had never been earlier before.

I think I was trained a lot this day. I think I liked it. All the moments, all the outcomes. You too have a day like this.