KollyWobblers Blog

Trying to make things a little better

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The heaven question

‘Mummy I cant sleep’ ‘When you die will you go to heaven and be an angel? then when I die will you find me again please?’

This is a regular conversation of an evening between me and my 11 year old son, i am always drawn with this dreaded conversation - NOONE knows what will happen, yes he is asking for a straight answer so he can work it out in his mind, I tried the no-one knows approach - this was not the answer that Toby wanted, and his anxieties were strengthening, He really wants me to confirm infect that angels are real and we will all be angels in heaven, I have now done this and it does comfort Toby, even though he likes confirmation a few times a week just incase something changes. I do think to myself is this the right thing to do? I have googled and again there isn’t really much info from people in our situation, so this is me just doing what I think is right.

I looked on Amazon and found a book about heaven that a child had written themselves - ‘Heaven is foe real for kids’

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/140031870X/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1 

I bought it and read it to Toby and the biggest smile on his face appeared and he looked relieved, I am still not comfortable - NOT because its heaven, I myself don’t know what to believe so I do sit on the fence with all of that, but I am letting  Toby think this will happen, He is on the Autistic Spectrum with Aspergers so with Toby everything is black and white and very literal, so its so hard knowing what is for the best. Toby still believes in Father Christmas which I am letting carry on - why not?

Is anyone else in this position? what did you do? I would love to know ….

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Grounding techniques for children #3

Over the next couple of days i will be posting some 'grounding techniques' that can be used to help your child when they are feeling anxious, this is to try and keep them 'in the present' and anchored and using our senses.

This third grounding activity is using your 'SMELL sense'

It may not work first time but please persist and let us know :)

Please also share - it may help someone else also <3

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Grounding Tips for children #2

Over the next couple of days i will be posting some 'grounding techniques' that can be used to help your child when they are feeling anxious, this is to try and keep them 'in the present' and anchored and using our senses.

This first grounding activity is using your 'SIGHT sense'

It may not work first time but please persist and let us know :) Please also share - it may help someone else also

[kollywobblers-blog]

Grounding Tips for children #1

Over the next couple of days i will be posting some 'grounding techniques' that can be used to help your child when they are feeling anxious, this is to try and keep them 'in the present' and anchored and using our senses.

This first grounding activity is using your 'hearing sense'

It may not work first time but please persist and let us know :)

Please also share - it may help someone else also

[kollywobblers-blog]

School attendance and your anxious child

The dreaded school word, Josie my eldest has battled with this for years, Most mornings I would be greeted with her crying, begging me to let her stay at home, saying she will pass out and cant go to school, These feelings to Josie are real and very scary, she was just 12 years old when feeling these emotions, as her mother what am I supposed to do? I tried EVERYTHING, taking her to school while she is crying and telling me I am the worst mum in the world, begging me to take her home - Her pain is real which made it more heartbreaking. I also tried the ‘soft’ approach kept her home, told her it will be ok, which yes, worked - for a short while, but then the phone calls from Josie’s school would start and the meetings, it made me feel such a bad parent, what can I do? I told them the situation, they offered Josie counseling, it was all very appreciated but all very short-lived then everything felt as if it was back to square one.

I have asked Josie (now 16) to write her physical and mental feelings when she was in this ‘zone’ and the triggers, this is what she put …….

This is how I felt at school: Mentally.

Trapped - Like its never ending, Insecure - Everyone is looking at me and judging me, Abnormal - Having Anxiety makes me feel abnormal, Scared - Like I am going to feint and have to go to hospital, Sad - The thought of having this anxiety forever made me feel sad, Angry - i felt angry with myself that i couldn’t pull through in the day like a ‘normal’ person would.

This is how I felt at school: Physically.

Rapid Heartbeat, Vertigo sensation (like loss of balance), Sweaty palms and feet, Rapid breathing, Senses Heightened - I can see and hear things at a more severe extent, Cloudy mind - as if everything is a dream, Shortness of breath, Dry mouth, Closed throat like someone is holding it lightly Sickness Loss of appetite.

These are the triggers at school:

People laughing - I felt as though it was at me, Crowded places - The feelings of being trapped happened, Overthinking - Fears I have such heights, spiders etc at school triggered my feelings,

Hopefully these points above will help understand how a anxious child at school will be feeling, I didn’t know some of these feelings at the time because Josie felt like she couldn’t discuss it with me. The school system I feel does fail our anxious children and us as parents, we have this immense pressure to make sure they attend school everyday but living with this anxiety makes it very difficult and can make the anxiety worse.

I am NOT promoting time off of school, I realize this is also very important, I do however feel cheated when i have been treated as if I cant be bothered to take my child somedays (if only they new the struggle)

I would love to hear if anyone else has had this kind of experience? or are you going through it now?

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Why KollyWobblers?

This is a short introduction about me and why I have made Kollywobblers. Hello! I am a 37 year old mum of 5 (including 2 stepchildren). I work full time as a Theatre Support Assistant at my local hospital and work online as a Graphic Designer ( when I have the time). 

I am going to use different names for my children because I don't feel right using their real names.  My eldest Josie is 16 and at college, My ‘middle child’ is Toby and he is 11 and then there is Lisa aged 5, my two stepchildren are Jonathan age 10 and Simon aged 14.

Toby is on the AS which also means he is a lot more susceptible to Anxiety, he also has a statement which allows him to attend a school that is more equipped than a mainstream school to meet his speech language needs. I hate calling these places ‘special schools’ is that just me?.. 

Josie is studying at college, English Lit, English Lang and Media Studies A Level, We are ALL so proud of her, Josie has suffered with anxiety on and off since she was about 12/13 and at times has been a real struggle, which I will go into more depth with as the Blog goes on. 

As for the other children, Lisa, Jonathan and Simon, at present they have avoided the anxiety dart but they do live with it, which must effect them too. 

Anxiety runs strongly in my family, My grandad suffered with it quite badly, apparently he used to go for drives in the middle of the night just to help him feel grounded, Then there was my mum, she has suffered most of her life, at times worse than others, she recalls times where she has lost her hair because she would pull at it when she was particularly stressed, she even had a delayed diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis because most of her symptoms were put down to anxiety, then there is me! I am your Health anxiety geek, if I have a headache, Im convinced its a brain tumor, if I have pins and needles it has to be MS, the list goes on, I am not rational at all wen it comes to my health. 

WHY THE KOLLYWOBBLERS? 

Ok - this is the interesting bit - call it a experiment if you like, but when i google childhood anxiety or similar - LOADS of medical charts come up and statistics but I don't ever see anything from anyone that is actually living it? I don't see anything that shows fun ways of dealing with it - NOT curing it because sadly Anxiety is always there, but we can deal with it and learn coping strategies which I am hoping the KollyWobblers will come in :). These guys are going to give children tips to parents and children on how to cope with negative scary feelings and make children realize they are not alone, The Kollywobblers will also talk about anxieties that people often don't - Death, illness, tornadoes,war, shops school and even night time to name a few. 

I will be filling out my personal experiences and daytime occurrences which I hope many of you will relate to and please join in and comment! the more the merrier! :) 

I am going to sign off now but I will be making a few more posts throughout the day which I hope will be interesting! 

From Me ( Liz ), Toby, Josie, Lisa, Jonathan and Simon xx