that's not my name @komlord - Tumblr Blog

My almost-wife (one week!) and I are looking to move right now and this was:

a) not intended for me

and

b) super fucking depressing

I looked up the address at the end of the email and it’s 1024 square feet for $625/month. Laundry in-unit. 2 bed, 1 bath. Free parking. Apparently this is what’s available in Iowa. Where we’re looking, you can add $2000/month and reduce the square footage by about 150 square feet.

#mistaken identity #that's not my name #salina dillion #she's un-googleable and that's crazy #iowa #apartment rentals

I’m not taking a screenshot of the email because it’s like multiple cartoon dicks penetrating an extremely oddly proportioned “girl.”

I can’t unsubscribe from these as far as I can tell and I’m just resigned to my fate at this point.

#mistaken identity #that's not my name #nutaku

The closest Belk location to be is in Texas. Which is very far away.

They’re super basic but also not offensive. Does anyone want the coupon? I will send you the code.

#mistaken identity #that's not my name #belk

I don’t know what Cymatics is, but their unsubscribe option works so...it doesn’t matter?

#mistaken identity #that's not my name #cymatics

I was already on the computer when the email arrived. It’s been 5 minutes and I reset your password to “fartknocker” then deleted the account.

I have no time for games.

#mistaken identity #that's not my name #kahoot!#with an exclamation point like yahoo!#zoinks111

The closest At Home location to me is 723 miles away. I’m sure that 10% coupon will help offset the plane ticket.

#mistaken identity #that's not my name #at home #coupons

Thank you, Marvel Heroes, for requiring a click to acknowledge the email and sign up. Sorry, Drakonslayeru, but because you didn’t use your own email you didn’t get your special code for your free boost bundle.

#mistaken identity #that's not my name #marvel heroes 2016 #drakonslayeru

I get these 5 Love Languages emails now about once per week. I’m unable to unsubscribe, which I don’t love. I hate it in 5 languages, actually.

A cruise full of people who believe in this stuff seems pretty hellish.

#that's not my name #mistaken identity #5 love languages #xtina

Two different days, two different requests. Again. *sigh*

#that's not my name #mistaken identity #instagram #_kolynn #oypeachy #seriously why does this continue? and why won't people continue to offer me money?

So this email arrived while I was at work. I had no idea what Nutaku was but I googled it on my phone. Boy am I glad I looked it up on my phone. >.<

I mean, I guess “she” seems friendly. I don’t know if I believe that this is not a cis dude pretending to be a woman. (Also I am supposed to believe that the 1973 in the user name is NOT the birth year of this person? Please.) I don’t know what being friends on this network entails, but just in case...

...Noacp has a new password.

There truly is a social network for everyone.

#mistaken identity #that's not my name #nutaku #noacp #tilinibuk1973 #stop putting your birth year in your user name 2k17

Nope. NOPE. NYOPE.

Is this the same guy who signed up for Chaturbate and then forgot his password? It’s a different user name from the Manplay guy. Is it WantUBad man? Milfaholoic dude?

Then! If you scroll further in the email:

Suddenly I like PornHub. I guess.

#mistaken identity #that's not my name #pornhub #download12345678

I have some serious issues with their logo. SERIOUS ISSUES.

This chain is (only?) in Illinois. I don’t think there’s yet been a me from Illinois.

#mistaken identity #that's not my name #five below #illinois #you're sooo in

Someone bought a new BlackBerry? Hillary Clinton, is this you?!

The first email arrived at 3:14am and the password change email came at 8:24am. You do have to answer a security question in order to change the account password which I think is good practice. As someone who has changed a lot of passwords for strangers.

#mistaken identity #that's not my name #blackberry

I had no idea Las Vegas would accept gems as payment. These appear to be...leprechaun emeralds?

#mistaken identity #that's not my name #yessandra #vegasworld

Someone is missing work this week, I think.

I don’t recognize any of the names on the employee schedule and I think this is the first email I’ve received that is intended for someone in New Mexico.

(BTW, go donate blood and plasma if you can. It’s a nice thing to do.)

#mistaken identity #that's not my name #bpl plasma #new mexico

My god.

MY GOD.

Ok, look. You can’t wear Crocs (shearling lined or no) to a wedding because Crocs are not shoes for outside. Unless you’re gardening. If you’re wearing them to a funeral, I hope it’s your own. WTF is a “barfmitzfa” you fucking idiot? Also what is “gasy?” You’re a gassy gay? Tootsies? Trendsetter?!!!>?1`?

And if you think you’re a “sexy piece of man” you are insane.

#mistaken identity #that's not my name #crocs #montgomery al #crocs are dope af (???)#janky #lord give me the confidence of a mediocre white man

Previously.

It’s been over a year since thehornyguy88 wanted to chat? Or he’s logged out. Sorry bro, but you’re locked out. You’ll have to pick a new identity...and I’m sure I’ll get an email for that soon.

#mistaken identity #that's not my name #regards from chaturbate #thehornyguy88 #i continue to be repulsed by heterosexuality

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