Mari

18+ | they/them | slyao appreciator

[sirkayleeofcamelot]

Offenses I WILL duel you over:

- Harassing maidens

- Ignoring preferred titles

- Talking shit about my embroidered cape

[rslashrats]

this is literally the funniest plot twist in any form of media ever

[breadcunt]

No but get this dude's entire's backstory. When he went to church it was blown up. He was impaled by a crucifix and onlt survived 2 days because he drank the blood of his dead family for 2 days until he was rescued. They called him vamp but not because all of that. Because he was bisexual

[winternet-real-deactivated20240]

[garbage-empress]

Also this is what "he's named Vamp because he's bisexual" looks like

[garbage-empress]

Did I mention that hole in his forehead is a gunshot wound which he survived because he's essentially immortal, and he can walk up sheer vertical faces?

[parkchanwoohoo]

Right, because of his bisexuality

[jimcantswim]

[jame7t]

men annd women can do whatever they want

[shitqss]

disagree

[jame7t]

men and women cant do anything 

[aqueousstar]

disagree

[jame7t]

youre making this so fucking difficult 

[inkdnready]

Some playful questions...

1. How old were you when you had your first kiss? 2. How old were you when you had sex for the first time? 3. Have you ever walked in on people having sex? 4. Have you ever had phone sex? 5. Have you ever had birthday sex? 6. Name a non-pornographic movie that turns you on? 7. Have you ever used a sex swing? 8. Do you own any sex toys? If so, what? 9. Have you had a one night stand? 10. Back rub or foot rub? 11. Have you ever had an awkward moment where people were having sex and you were present? 12. Have you ever swapped partners? 13. Have you ever experienced DP? 14. Cuddling on the couch or picnic in the park? 15. Have you ever had sex on the beach? 16. Do you like to watch? 17. Ever been filmed or filmed yourself during a sexual act? 18. Have you ever had sex with someone that you were not suppose to? (Boss, teacher, relative). 19. Have you ever had a secret relationship? 20. Are feet a turn on? 21. Have you ever had a long distance relationship? 22. Have you ever met someone in person that you met online? 23. One thing you haven’t done sexually that you are hoping to try. 24. Anal or oral? 25. Have you ever been with someone of the same sex? 26. Have you ever masturbated outside the confines of your home? 27. Drunk sex or stoned sex? 28. Have you ever slept with an ex while no longer together? 29. Have you ever accidentally sent a dirty pic or message to the wrong person/people? 30. Have you ever had someone show a private pic to others without permission? 31. Does your partner have to be shorter or taller than you? 32. Have you ever been with someone that another member of your family has been with? 33. Whip or riding crop? 34. Name a song that puts you in the mood. 35. Have you ever had sex on a plane? 36. Is there anyone that you’ve slept with that you can’t recall their name? 37. Have you given or received road head? 38. Would you prefer receiving/giving a titty fuck or foot job? 39. Name a hard limit of yours. 40. Sex on the hood of a car or the back of a pick up? 41. Shower sex or sex in the rain? 42. If you could change one thing about your physical appearance what would it be? 43. If you could change one thing about your personality what would it be? 44. Kill one, marry one, fuck one? (Name the three). 45. Choking or hair pulling? 46. Would you rather? (Name the two). 47. True or false? (You pick question). 48. Bar or club? 49. Have you ever had sex in the snow? 50. Have you ever had sex with a neighbour? (The house on the left or right, not down the street). 51. Have you ever had sex at a sports venue? (Football field, rink, etc.). 52. Have you ever used something outside the norm to orgasm? 53. Can you recall a time you were cock blocked or twat swatted? 54. Would you rather play dirty doctor or naughty detention? 55. What’s sexier nice eyes or nice lips? 56. What’s more attractive a sense of humour or a sense of style? 57. Ice cubes or wax? 58. Do you prefer a younger or older partner? 59. Ball gag or hand over mouth? 60. Have you ever posted a pic or a video of you committing a sexual act? 61. Did your parents have “the sex talk” with you when you were young? If so, which parent? How did it go? 62. If you had to choose, cowgirl or reverse cowgirl? 63. Morning sex or afternoon delight? 64. Are you vocal during sex? 65. Your socks, on or off in bed? 66. Embarrassing sex moment. 67. Pillow fight or pillow fort? 68. Naked twister or strip poker? 69. Have you ever done a 69? 70. Make you’re own multiple choice question.

Have fun…😈

[sparklysecretfun]

Why not….

[wolfman6837-deactivated-deactiv]

Ask away

[memewhore]

[doggiedyke]

Peace and love on planet earth

[memewhore]

[decellie03]

nothing will ever be funnier to me than the 30-50 feral hogs joke phase, I think about it at least once a week

[dripped-in-my-pearls]

Happy 30-50 feral hogs day

[byjove]

for some reason the idea of a caveman stubbing his toe and going “oh fuck oh shit” is so funny to me, like people have been experiencing little agonies like getting hangnails or burning their fingers while stoking the fire for hundreds of thousands of years, a dude 40,000 years ago rolling his ankle chasing a mammoth and absolutely eating shit and falling face first in front of all of his buddies and then standing up and trying to play it off…..so embarrassing

[byjove]

everyone is like “is gorg…..okay”

and gorg stands up with mud on his face and goes “don’t look at me right now”

[muntiller]

The idea of ancient children going to play with their parent's tools and breaking one only to panic and set it back in place like it never happened? Amazing. Dude getting a bruise from hitting the ground too hard after falling from a tree and lying about it? Incredible.

[byjove]

This is a bit more recent but I’m reminded of the archeological find of a 3000 year old pot somebody burned cheese to the bottom of and they just threw the whole thing away. Were they worried their mama was going to be upset they fucked up the pot? Was cleaning it too much work? Were they really embarrassed? I’ve totally been there. I’ve thrown away a pot I scorched too badly in the past year.

[egberts]

the faith the sims community has in the development team is astoundingly low

[egberts]

Update on this situation:

The high school patch accidentally added incest to the game

everyone playing on long lifespan had their sims all immediately age up and die upon loading the game

sims have started texting themselves

curved walls are so horribly broken I can't even go into it

the bonus content for pre-ordering the game doesn't work

the devs have promised to fix everything quickly but once again the poll-

[bithighs]

i_have_auditory_processing_issues.jpeg

[pensivefabulist]

I am so grateful for comics like these because if people hadn’t started joking about it I would never have known why i was Like This

[yeahiwasintheshit]

[the-real-skeletor]

FINGERS IN HIS ASS SUNDAY

[o-lanterns]

cmon child safety lid you know it's me

[gentlebliss]

this is so so so hateful. i've never seen so much hate . u guys need to heal and accept nightcore into heart

[gentlebliss]

think before you reblog such terrible posts honestly look at this you are hurting so so many of us

[iwilleatyourenglish]

Making your boyfriend do things he doesn’t want to, is not cute :/

i’m never going to get over this ask because it’s referring to me sitting on my boyfriend and cajoling him into watching the absolutely abysmal barnyard (2006)

[iwilleatyourenglish]

just for the record, my boyfriend is 6’1” and i’m 4’11”. if he wanted to he could literally pick me up and just like put me elsewhere. i cannot hold him captive and force him to watch terrible kevin james films no matter how bad i want to

[iwilleatyourenglish]

[warcrimesimulator]

"Whipped cream is disgusting" i knew you were mentally ill but Jesus Christ

this is my new favorite ask ever

[underleveledjosh]

An important thread by certified catboy.

Screenshot transcript: Whenever a new bl game or anime or manga or smthn comes out there's always ppl like "I better not see any women read/watch/play this" or "wait till the women get to this" and that is not the allyship to mlm u think it is. That's just misogyny. I say this so many times but you cannot have full queer representation and normalization in media without allowing EVERYONE to read and partake in it. I'm so tired of seeing this performative activism let people enjoy boys kissing. It's not fetishization until it's translated onto real mlm/nblm, by micromanaging who can read what queer media depending on their labels n shit is so sickening man, we WANT queer media to be enjoyed by all, not gatekept and further isolated from others.

[bunycube]

one of my awesoem creations