Krankenwagen Lexicon

A lexicon for all the crazy things we see, think and do on the krankenwagen.

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Wiesbaden (n) - when a Paramedics bladder finally reaches its stretch capacity.

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Wiesmoor (n) - the increased capacity of a Paramedics bladder due to years of practice holding it in, due to #1 no time to go to the toilet and #2 not wanting to use public or hospital toilets as you know what goes on in them.

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Renningen (n) - the number of times a meal can safely be reheated and still remain edible. This number depends on various factors including the type of food and how fresh it was in the first place. For example, hamburgers generally have a renningen of 1 (occasionally 2 depending on the quality of burger). The average stir fry can have a renningen as high as 5 depending on the ingredients. In contrast, ice cream has a renningen of 0 (anyone caught reheating ice cream gets an automatic psych evaluation).

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Furtwangen Im Schwarzwald (n) - The profanities heard when you've just finished heating your dinner and you get a call out.

[paramedicdownsouth]

My daily struggle as a paramedic

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Lauterecken (n) - The exact amount of caffeine required to get you through a shift. The number of factors influencing lauterecken are so numerous and complicated, the mathematics are considered more complex than string theory.

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Vilseck (n) - The sickest patient you've seen in months, who will need the most interventions as well as create the biggest mess and the most paperwork. The only problem is it's twenty minutes from the end of the night shift from hell.

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Balingen (n) - The little dance you do on the inside when you get an IV in first time after a Bad Ems.

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Bad Ems (n) - When a patient tells you they always have trouble getting IV's in them, whilst you are getting ready to put an IV in said patient.

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Aach (n) - The hideous cough from a patient that makes you put an oxygen mask on them irrespective of how good their oxygen saturations are.

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Drebkau (n) - That sense of dread when you pull up at a house only to realise you've been there dozens of times before but didn't recognise it from the address.