(or: this crossover needs more attention and sometimes you gotta be the snake oil you want to see in the world)
Part Two
(Luz, Amity, Cass, and Steph are stuck in Riddler's latest Escape Room Of Death (Or At Least Very Threatening Special Effects))
Steph: *starts whisper-arguing with Cass about whether or not to get involved as civilians*
Amity, unaware and moving towards the door with Intent To Slime: want me to-
Luz: don't worry I got this!
Luz, pulling a snake (???) out of her shirt: go, little power noodle, go!
Stringbean: *snakeshifts their tail into a key and unlocks the door*
Cass, slowly putting her lockpicks away: 0_o
Steph, to Cass: was that a snake? That was a snake, right?
(Luz, being Luz, ends up face-to-face with Black Mask in the absolute worst part of town)
Black Mask, one vaguely sarcastic comment away from murdering the random teen that just wandered into his high-profile drug deal: you have one chance to explain who you work for and how you got here, or I carve the answer out of you with a knife.
Luz, squinting at him:
Luz "Belos Was Turning Me To Stone And My First Instinct Was To Sass His Terrible Fashion Choices" Noceda: well aren't you just a ball of sunshine
Red Hood, interrupting the deal with Black Mask and coming face-to-face with a teen who was alarmingly unfazed by the whole event: do you have a death wish?
Luz: no, but it loses its edge after the first time
Luz: I mean, been there done that amirite?
Red Hood, processing:
Red Hood, hoping he wildly misread the context clues: you've died before?
Luz: well yeah
Luz, seeing an opportunity to cause chaos: but I came back thanks to the power of god and anime
Red Hood: ???
Poison Ivy: *minding her own business on the balcony of her suite*
Willow, thorn vaulting her way into the balcony: hi there! Huge fan :D
Ivy, trying to have a peaceful afternoon: wHOMST-
Willow: wanna compare notes on carnivorous plants?
Ivy:
Ivy: ...yes, do you have live examples by chance?
Willow, knowing she can essentially spawn plants at will: :D
(Robin, incredibly suspicious of the group that just moved into one of the worst (but cheap) apartment complexes in Gotham, has a stakeout at their apartments)
Hunter, moving around his apartment with Waffle on his shoulder: ^w^
Robin, immediately switching gears: I wonder if I could liberate the bird and convince Father to keep it since it's rescued from potential rogues.
Oracle, who heard him over comms: you're not allowed to steal pets anymore and you know it
Amity: *gets a job at Barbara's library*
Barbara, trying to keep an eye on her since she's kinda sus: hey, you're new here right? Want to grab coffee sometime?
Amity, just trying to do a good job: sure! :)
Barbara, suddenly acquiring a new sister: [task failed successfully]
King "Technically A Teenager But Really Short So Everyone Thinks He's A Child" Clawthorne: *gets kidnapped*
Kidnapper, calling the number King gave him to ask for ransom: we have your child-
Eda, unamused: oh yeah, which one?
Kidnapper: uhh short, yellow eyes, keeps asking if we have any ice cream?
Eda, annoyed: you have King???
Kidnapper, thinking they're getting somewhere: yes, and if you ever want to see him again, you'll bring $100k to the warehouse on the corner of 5th
Eda, knowing full well King could escape if he decided to use 2% of his power: *pinching the bridge of her nose* I'll be right over
Signal, about to rescue the small child some guy kidnapped: *waiting for an opening*
Eda, strutting into the warehouse on a mission: so you're the guy who kidnapped my son?
Signal, doing a double take because this lady with a hook for an arm has an aura that's oozing black and gray (and it looks like she has two auras for the price of one???): uhh Oracle?
Kidnapper, pointing a gun at Eda: slide the money over or I shoot!
Eda, still unamused: oh I'm sure you will, you spineless snaggleback.
Eda, letting the Owl Beast take over completely: *screeching, swallowing the kidnapper whole*
Eda, reverting back to normal: *burps*
Signal, panicking: Oracle? Hello?
Eda, moving on: so, King, did you have fun?
King, dropping the ropes he burned through with a glyph an hour ago: I had a blast!
Signal, finally getting a good look at the kid and realizing his aura is stronger than the demon lady's: Oracle, please respond
Signal, about to finish patrol: *sees the kidnapper from earlier passed out in a pile of nasty goo (Eda pelleted him up lol)*
Signal, incredibly concerned: ???
Oracle, tracking down all the information she can find on the Clawthornes: so it looks like that lady Signal saw got married in Vegas, stole her husband's car six hours later, and paid for a latte in Connecticut with a live racoon
Spoiler: what a legend. Move over Florida Man, there's a new queen in town
Red Robin: she turned into a monster and literally ate a guy yesterday
Spoiler: exactly, she's iconic
Red Robin:
Spoiler, rolling her eyes: god forbid women do anything
Red Robin, staking out the Clawthorne apartments after The Incident™: *listening in on conversations via the bugs he planted*
Gus, appearing next to him out of nowhere: hi there! Got a minute?
Red Robin: *screeching*
Gus, taking this as a yes: can I bug you with a few questions?
Red Robin, realizing a civilian snuck up on him and his siblings will never let him live this down: ...uhh
Gus, fangirling on the inside because this is a real human hero right in front of him: so what's it like being a human hero?
Red Robin, desperately trying to figure out what on earth these people are: you're not human?
Gus: *bursts out laughing and never answers the question*
(Luz, Vee, Hunter, and King, hopelessly lost in Black Mask's territory while trying to find their way to a restaurant)
Red Hood, recognizing Luz "I Have The Power Of God And Anime On My Side" Noceda: hey are you actively trying to get killed by Black Mask, or are you just lost?
Luz: oh hi again! Guys, this is the vigilante I was talking about!
Vee: *leans forward and sniffs Red Hood before freezing and remembering that's not something humans do* uhh. Ehe.
Red Hood: did you just sniff me?
Vee: uhhhh
Luz, squinting at Red Hood because Vee obviously smelled magic on him: haha, so silly, you wouldn't happen to be magic, would you?
Red Hood:
Red Hood: okay, back up. You can smell magic?
Vee, understanding there's no way out of this conversation: ...yes?
Red Hood, to Luz: and you died?
Luz: that's been established. The real question is how are you magic?
Red Hood: probably cause I died and got dunked in a necromancer's key lime smoothie extravaganza
Luz: cool
(the Batfamily sets up a meeting with Clawthornes & Co, C&C agrees cause they wanna see how the most paranoid member of the JL reacts to Demon Realm shenanigans)
Batman, seeing C&C and immediately clocking them as a bunch of child soldiers trauma bonded for life: .....
Eda, seeing the Batfam and also immediately clocking them as a bunch of child soldiers: ........
Eda, about Robin: why is there a twelve-year-old fighting crime?
Batman, about King: why is there an eight-year-old with more power than most high-level magicians?
Robin and King, at the same time: I'm fourteen!!
Robin and King: *squinting at each other*
Signal, off to the side, seeing the auras of the rest of C&C for the first time: oh my God. Oh my God
Spoiler: come on it can't be that bad
Signal: oh my God if B picks a fight we're all going to actually die
Batman, about Luz: why has your kid died?
Eda, about Red Hood: why has your kid died?
Red Hood, a self-proclaimed unbiased participant: oooooOOOOOOO she got you there *high fives Luz*
Batman, dragging Signal into the conversation because he's the only one who can see their auras: Signal. Ask your questions.
Signal, desperately trying to not get obliterated in a magic mushroom of energy: I plead the fifth
Eda: [Eda was amused]
Signal: so, you have two auras. Is there an explanation for that or...?
Eda: eh, I guess I have my sister to thank for that
Signal: ...can you elaborate?
Eda, sighing: it's a chronic condition. But at least my inner demon is paying rent now.
Signal, wildly confused:
Signal: so, um. You're the kid who got kidnapped a little bit ago, how are you holding up?
King: you call that a kidnapping? At best that was a half-baked attempt at a babysitting extortion scheme
Signal: ...do you know what kidnapping is?
King: yeah?
Signal: and you were unfazed by the whole ordeal?
King: I mean yeah, this was nothing compared to the time I was almost sacrificed by that cult
Batfam, collectively: ?????
Batman: [Batman will remember that]
Signal, to Luz: okay. So, you're the one who died - your aura also has this demon thing protecting it?
Luz and King: !!!!
Eda: hot dang, kid! The Titan's still hanging around!
Red Robin, thinking it's Greek myths coming into play: I'm sorry did you say titan?
Luz, making an attempt at explanation: yeah the Titan gave me the last bit of his power when I died
Luz, with jazz hands: and voila! Not dead anymore!
Spoiler, whispering to Red Robin: so is she...technically a god now?
Signal, increasingly desensitized to the power level of C&C: *pointing to Willow* you're basically Poison Ivy on crack
Willow, who just had her weekly meeting with Ivy: aww, thank you!
Signal, turning to Amity: I don't even know what happened to you.
Amity: oh is my aura all goopy?
Signal, slowly: that's...one way of putting it
Amity: okay it's all good! Probably just abomination slime :)
Batman: ...abomination slime?
Amity: yeah, like this!
Amity: *conjures abominations on the ground beneath the vigilantes*
Batkids: *screaming, cursing*
Luz, kissing Amity on the cheek: ooh another one for vigilante bingo! Nice job, sweet potato!
Signal, squinting at Hunter: uhh you're like, made out of bark and oozing a vaguely concerning substance? Also there's a bird imprinted on your chest
Hunter, tearing up: oh. What kind of bird
Signal: small and red, idk maybe a cardinal?
Hunter, full-on sobbing: I'm fine I just have some dirt in my eye. Stupid dirt
Batfam, putting two and two together about the group's matching bird tattoos: ohhh. Oh. Oh.
Spoiler: kay but why is your aura wood?
Hunter: oh I'm part palistrom wood
Hunter, counting off ingredients on his fingers: and part Titan blood, which probably explains the oozing
Hunter: I have a Galdorstone,
Spoiler, horrified whispering: is that like a kidney stone?
Hunter, still listing ingredients: Stonesleeper lungs, Selkidomus scales, a bone from my former uncle's deceased brother-
Red Robin: is there a reason you treat body parts like they're customizable options in the menu of an RPG?
Hunter, missing the joke completely: I'm a Grimwalker. This is what I'm made out of
Red Robin: ...you lost me.
Robin: but what about the blue jay you had on your shoulder?
Hunter: oh you mean Waffle! :D
Hunter: *pulls Waffle out of his shirt* say hi, Waffle!
Waffle: *un-petrifies himself and chirps*
Robin: 🤯
Spoiler, to Blackbat: it was a snake!
(hard cut to Robin being swarmed by palisman)
Robin, thinking: on one hand, it is foolish to show such obvious weakness in front of potential enemies. On the other hand, their familiars are all very cute.
Robin:
Robin, making a decision: *continues playing with the palisman*
Signal, pointing to Gus and Vee: I don't understand you.
Gus, comfortingly: don't worry, greatness is difficult to comprehend :)
Vee, actually trying to help Signal: ohh it's because he's all smoke and mirrors and I'm not even a witch!
Spoiler, who thought these were all just metas after Eda "It's A Chronic Condition" Clawthorne: you're not even a what now
(Clawthorne & Co, trying to start from the beginning)
Amity: so we're all witches-
Luz: well,
Vee: *laughs*
Hunter, raising his hand: I'm only half a witch on a good day
Batman:
Amity, amending: only three of us are biological witches who use traditional witch spells,
Luz: there you go!
Amity: those three witches are Willow, Gus, and myself
Amity: and Luz is the first human witch!
Spoiler, whispering to Blackbat: witches and humans are different species??
Blackbat: *shrugs*
Eda: and I used to be the most powerful witch on the Isles, but my curse corrupted my magic. Now I'm a harpy because I convinced the demon in my head to pay rent
Batman: curse?
Eda, waving her hand: yeah, long story
Luz: and like we established earlier, Hunter's a Grimwalker that used a human template, so he's not biologically a witch either. But Flapjack gives him magic!
Hunter, nodding solemnly: the power of friendship
Spoiler, whispering to Blackbat: oh my god friendship is magic My Little Pony was right-
Blackbat: *snickers*
Red Hood: and the weird kid who smells magic isn't magic?
Vee, defensively: magic is yummy!
Red Hood:
Vee "My First Instinct Upon Entering The Human World Was To Tell A Human 'Skin's Sure Weird' To Their Face" Noceda: ...yum yum!
Batfam:
Vee:
Batfam:
Vee: okay okay I'm a basilisk, basilisks eat magic!
Batfam: ...
Vee: ...nevermind.
Batman: that just leaves King. Is he also a pseudo witch?
King: oh yeah what did you call me a couple weeks ago Luz?
Luz, barely keeping a straight face: he's Jesus.
Batman: ...come again?
Vee and Luz: *start wheezing with laughter*
King, after a couple minutes of running with the bit: okay okay I'll explain
King: ...I'm the son of the Titan
Signal, looking between Luz and King's auras rapidly: you...he...oh. Oh
I’ve heard of Pagans being contacted by their gods via certain Tarot Cards, so I wanted to do a deep dive and outline which Cards are associated with which Gods. Hopefully this can help you tell which God is reaching out to you :)
Major Arcana
The Fool: Pan, Zeus, Dionysus, Loki, Hermes
The Magician: Hermes, Thoth, Odin,
The High Priestess: Hekate, Selene, Isis, Artemis, Freya, Ganesha, Tsukiyomi
The Empress: Aphrodite, Hera, Freya, Frigg, Isis, Hathor, Durga, Astarte, Demeter, Ishtar
The Emperor: Zeus, Lugh, Odin, Horus, Ares, Osiris, Ra
Petition to make the Chalice of the Gods, Wrath of the Triple Goddess and the Unnamed eighth book of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series into their own separate series named "Percy Jackson and the Quest for College" half so people getting into the series don't read chalice of the gods before heroes of Olympus and half because those three take place after heroes of Olympus.
Petition to make the Chalice of the Gods, Wrath of the Triple Goddess and the Unnamed eighth book of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series into their own separate series named "Percy Jackson and the Quest for College" half so people getting into the series don't read chalice of the gods before heroes of Olympus and half because those three take place after heroes of Olympus.
Okay okay but this is fascinating because it's such a visceral example of how mythology works.
Most characters in mythologies are personifications of concepts, or embody some natural phenomenon - like the story of Hades and Persephone is there to explain why the seasons change, Persephone being spring, Demeter - summer, and the absence of them both resulting in death (Hade's domain) and winter, and so we can't have Persephone stay in underworld all year round or have Demeter steal her back to earth permanently, otherwise they myth would lose its core function.
Interpreting the myth without the lense of the natural phenomena that it explains would make it lose an integral part of itself, and therefore make the plot and characters seem strange or unnatural. Why does Demeter hate Hades so much, seeing how so many mothers are okay with Zeus doing atrocious things to their offspring just because he's Zeus? Does Persephone actually want to stay or not? What's with the bizarre arrangement?
Most modern interpretations strip myths of their natural contexts, making them character-driven instead of phenomena-driven, which just makes them land differently - they can still be fine stories, just not myths, not is the traditional sense.
And now we get to this beauty. This is absolutely a myth, the most classical kind. The relationship between characters, who are personifications of objects, phenomena or concepts (in this case, online platforms) used as an intuitively understood metaphor for an event (the demise of Twitter and the Tumblr userbase being unwilling to accept Twitter's userbase).
It's a story that can work as a so-called "explanation myths". We have seasons because Persephone spends half a yesterday underworld and half a year with her mother. We don't like Twitter because the Twitter God and Tumblr God broke up. Ladies and gents and other assorted respectables, we here are witnessing the creation of a perfect modern myth.
I thought about it way more than a non-feverish me would, and I've come to the conclusion:
The modern myth that is The Divorce of Tumblr and Twitter carries the themes of regression, corruption and downfall. Some of Twitter userbase used to be part of Tumblr userbase, but they left and changed (corruption). Now that Twitter is becoming uninhabitable (downfall), people are trying to return to Tumblr (regression, possible downfall of Tumblr), and to keep them off Tumblr is returning to its old cringe self (regression).
So, if we are to follow the themes, the logical conclusion would be to send the shoelaces back to the president.
There once lived a young man, handsome as daylight, bright and strong. He was known as Twitter, beloved by the people, a favorite of the gods. His chosen companion, Tumblr, was not dear to the people or the gods. He, a traveling storyteller, preferred solitude. His tales were strange and often unpleasant to the ears, but enchanting in their vulgarity.
One day, Tumblr's patron goddess, Yahoo, enraged by his vulgar words, put a curse on him. He was not to utter vulgarities, speak of the pleasures of the flesh. His stories of lycanthrope companions were lost to the sands of time, and with them, his last listeners turned away from him.
Twitter watched others laugh at his beloved, turn him away from their doors, and a dark thought settled over him. He was perfect in every way, his only fault was the affiliation with the cursed taleweaver. And so, little by little, they drifted apart.
In his travels, Tumblr stumbled into the temple of Apollo, who bestowed upon him the gift of prophecy. He made acquaintance with the trifecta of wise temple maidens who induced visions through hallucinogenic incense. His stories changed, still bizarre and often vulgar, but at times full of wonder and truth.
At that time, Twitter enjoyed all the luxuries of the mortal world. He was the companion of kings, wealthy merchants, legendary heroes, wise philosophers.
One day, a man richer than rich, richer than the God of wealth, went to the senate of directors and asked to buy the most precious thing in the entire polis.
The senate thought long and hard, and said: "do you wish for our finest singer, the most sweet-voiced of the land, Spotifia? I am afraid I cannot part with her. "
"No, " said the rich man, his voice cold and harsh, "I said I have come to buy your most precious thing."
"Have you come for our gambler, the chosen of the god of luck, MAXimil? They earn us more riches than you can offer. I shall not part with them. "
"No," the rich man repeated, "I have come to buy your most precious thing. I have come for Twitter."
The senators laughed, then, for they knew this must be a joke. Twitter was too beloved by the gods to be owned as a servant. But the rich man did not smile. He offered money, then more and more still. As the goddess of hubris clouded his mind, he offered more money than he could afford to spend, more than the senate could afford to refuse, for it was enough gold to form armies five times the size of their polis.
And so Twitter, the proud Twitter, the untouchable Twitter who laughed at kings and scholars alike, became a servant.
As he was put onto a gilded ship to be sailed off to the rich man's land, he prayed to the gods that granted him beauty and strength and a sharp tongue, but none answered. His cruelty and vanity made them turn away, and he was too full of his power to notice.
Finally, the young man remembered one more name. He called for Tumblr, his forgotten companion.
First time he called, the birds took off and flew in all directions. Second time he called, the animals fled in fear. Gathering all the strength he had, he called a third time.
His call shook the earth and the skies, and in an instant, Apollo's taleweaver stood on the shore.
Twitter cried in relief. "My love!" he called, "save me! Save me, and I shall be yours for the eternity to come. I shall bask you in glory and riches. I shall make the people love you."
Tumblr looked at the rich old man, at the gilded ship, gilded chains, at the other slaves that were meant to please the rich man during his trip, dressed in the finest clothes fit for kings and immortals.
"You'll like your new life, dear. " said Tumblr. "You are idle: he shan't make you do much. You are prideful: he shall treat you like a god. You are vain, and so you might fear you might be forgotten, one servant among many. Fear not," he smiled. "I shall sing a song of us."
Okay but adding onto this because I think its interesting: myths like these tend to also come with morals or lessons to take away. (The story of Icarus for example, or the story of Oedipus)
I think there's multiple morals that one can take from what Writing-is-a-martial-art made! so, here's a list of some of the morals someone could take away from this:
Love (or trust) is earned, not given
This one because, when Twitter was on the boat, calling out for Tumblr, he was so used to love being given to him on a silver tray that he even expected it from the person he wronged (debatably) most of all.
The rich and beautiful are no better than the poor and destitute
Speaks for itself, really. Twitter believed he was superior to Tumblr because of his beauty and his connections with the rich and famous, but, when Tumblr could've saved Twitter, Twitter's riches meant nothing. Tumblr, for the most part, was happier without such things. What Tumblr did subsequently proved was that Twitter was not a god, not a blessing, but just a man.
Being yourself will attract people who like you
On the other side of the coin, you could take something away from Tumblr's side of the story. Yes, they were cursed and ridiculed, but that did not stop them from continuing to be themself. they continued to sing their songs, to tell their stories, to speak of earthly pleasures and feelings despite their situation. Unlike their past-lover, they were poor and hated, but that didn't matter to them. It wouldn't matter to Tumblr if they were living in the depths of Hades, or on mount Olympus, because they were happy.
This, in turn, lead them to the temple of Apollo, where they befriended the trifecta of temple maidens. The point is, is that Apollo and the maidens didn't like Tumblr for their riches-- they had none. they liked tumblr for who they were, for their passion and creativity.
you can probably tell that the last one probably has the most evidence for it.
anyways i'm now gonna go think up some more stories about social media platforms because this is fun
(like?? what if steam had a story? what if there was a story based off of all those tumblr scams? the possibilities are endless!)
I was today years old when I learned that when you type “otp: true” in AO3 search results it filters out fics with additional ships, leaving only the fics where your otp is the main ship
Sometimes I'm dyslexic, sometimes I'm just stupid, I say after reading half a paragraph of text post only to stop realizing it's in another language and that I couldn't understand a single word that my eyes gazed upon.
prguitarman
origamiaround
