Kremlin Helpdesk

Bringing practical solutions to existential problems.

[kremlinhelpdesk]

You’re dreaming of someone, and it’s not me

[kremlinhelpdesk]

Vidare såg jag under solen: det är inte de snabba som vinner loppet, det är inte de tappra som vinner striden, det är inte de visa som får bröd, inte de kloka som blir rika, inte de kunniga som har framgång: allt är tillfällighet och slump.

Henrik Berggren (parafraserad)

[kremlinhelpdesk]

Bikini Kill, Morse dining hall, Yale, 1996.

[kremlinhelpdesk]

Someone tell me where to find an options broker for Bulgarian garage bands because this is going straight to the moon. 40% covers probably helps but fuck it if this isn’t on point. Perfect 5/5.

[kremlinhelpdesk]

Is it just me or is life pretty much a continuous breakup that just sort of adds and removes people and switches their roles seemingly at random, while making sure you’re only able to fully enjoy a relationship in hindsight? While the few moments where you feel actual connectedness aren’t even about any of those relationships at all,  but of connecting to songs about other people breaking up, which keep on taking new meanings as you cycle people around?

Also hi.

[kremlinhelpdesk]

The heat death of the universe is when things really kick into high gear. It's when the last civilizations start burning all the potential energy they've hoarded through the trillions of years, and given that it'll be really fucking cold, that civilization will live on for much longer past the heat death than they've lived before it, in some huge matryoshka brain floating around in a truly endless sea of nothingness, living out infinite time, and getting to feel superior to the paper hands that burned their matter in the warm days of stars and galaxies.

Me, just now.

[kremlinhelpdesk]

Mixtape weekend

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[kremlinhelpdesk]

Happy people never fantasize

[kremlinhelpdesk]

Me discovering you can make gifs from the command line

[kremlinhelpdesk]

Sometimes, a little anxiety is worse than lots of anxiety. In case of existential crisis, break glass.

[kremlinhelpdesk]

[kremlinhelpdesk]

[Slitscan's audience] is best visualized as a vicious, lazy, profoundly ignorant, perpetually hungry organism craving the warm god-flesh of the anointed. Personally I like to imagine something the size of a baby hippo, the color of a week-old boiled potato, that lives by itself, in the dark, in a double-wide on the outskirts of Topeka. It's covered with eyes and it sweats constantly. The sweat runs into those eyes and makes them sting. It has no mouth, Laney, no genitals, and can only express its mute extremes of murderous rage and infantile desire by changing the channels on a universal remote. Or by voting in presidential elections.

William Gibson, Idoru