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I am not weak

I'm not those who came before me

I have bodies in my history too

Casualties from the war in me

And if you think you can raise your fist

I was raised in fight

I am the very reason

That monsters lose sleep at night

I am that thing

That kills what's under your bed

I'm the ghost of Christmas past

That voice that's in your head

And if you think you can break me

You should probably think again

The devil is afraid of me

I'm a fight he cannot win

I loved the sinners

I loved the beasts

Ive kissed evil on the lips

And made it love me

I have tamed the things

That go bump in the dark

If you raise your hand at me

I'll tear you apart

Those girls they aren't jealous

Just a little relieved

They have been praying for karma

And God sent you me

You look at me

Like you've never been in love before

Like I'm the first to make you smile

The first person youve ever adored

My heart lights up

Whenever you walk in the room

No matter what is happening around me

I can only look at you

And when the room fills up

And reality gets real

I hope the world looks at us

And can see how we feel

I hope in a world full of chaos

To find a love that calms storms

And I hope that every free fall

Lands me in your arms

And when the lights go out

I hope our stars shine

I hope to be your every hello

Until your my final goodbye

When you first told her about me she laughed . She didn't take us seriously because she didn't take you seriously. Since her you haven't kept a woman around. Never more than conquests. Never a threat to her or your son . Time passed by but I didn't. She got curious. She wanted to meet me. I thought it was to judge me. I thought she was going to be mean and try to sabotage us. You told me she was like that. You told me she was crazy .

I sat next to her and she stared at you first. She wondered if you changed for me. If I was able to do the thing she never could . And then I looked at her. She could tell I didn't change a thing . Then her eyes locked with mine screaming RUN. and mine asking her how much time I had left ? When will he escalate?

It didn't take long after that. Just the first meeting. She texted you within moments of us leaving "don't hurt her" "don't do to her what you did me ". You laughed. She's crazy . She deserved every black eye and bloody lip. She deserved the sleepless nights. If she didn't have the audacity to set a boundary, you wouldn't have had to get in all those girls beds. They locked you away for 3 years . It was all her fault . She ruined your life. And now she keeps you from your son ? The audacity she has. Just ask your mother. She agrees .

She doesn't look at me with envy, but pity. Her mom says youre charming..her brother shakes your hand . They make it almost easy to believe you. That she was the problem . But villains don't look at their victims like ghosts. Like they've been haunting them for years and years . Keeping them up at night with all the banging and all the screaming. You don't look at her like that . You look at her with hate and resentment. Because she left. Because she sees you

Because we see you .

Why can't I leave ?

My mind is stuck in a tower with no exit. Just a beast . And now I'm just hoping the monster likes me and maybe then he will show mercy and make my death quick.

Mom said monsters weren't real

So it took me a couple minutes

To see I wasn't a princess who needed saving

I was a fucking victim

He smiled when I cried

He laughed when I yelled

I know heaven has to exist

Because ive already been through hell

The walls are covered in holes

I imagine they match my heart

That beautiful thing that gives me life

That thing he ripped apart

They told me to walk away

But I've already tried to run

The devil doesn't let you go

When he's having so much fun

I thought I was a little stronger

I thought I knew how to fight

I thought I was raised better than this

But I'm grasping for my life

His words are always empty

His heart is just a shell

He says you can't do any better

And he makes you hate yourself

His family thinks he's a saint

And he's the most loyal friend

He's everyone elses fairytale story

But he's my tragic end

God sent me into a battle

I am not sure he wanted me to win

I stood face to face with the devil

And removed his sinister grin

Scrapes and bruises

With only a little dried blood

And a scar to remember

I fought him more than once

I thought it was over

And that I satisfied fate

But the clocked ticked forwarded

And then I saw your face

A demon a monster

God decorates them best

Yet something about you

Slightly different than the rest

He's abusive, he's wicked

The other girls cried

Hes evil, he's mean

He needs ME in his life

You smiled with confidence

I even smiled back

The ultimate player

Has just met his match

You knew I was different

But couldn't tell how

Until I gripped your soul with my fingers

And drug it straight to hell

At first we were a rumor

And then we were insane

Your parents got so angry

All because of race

I tried to walk away

When they said I wasn't enough

But you held my hand so tightly

And said you were never giving up

Your mom said she was sorry

And was willing to give me a try

Your father knew I was different

Just by the look in your eyes

Your sister started to wonder

And asked you to bring me around

Her mood changed almost instantly

As soon as we sat down

She smiled and shook her head

And you weren't sure for what

She looked her boyfriend in the eye

And told him we're in love

The tension started melting

Dynamics started to change

The ice queens heart was melting

And the Lost boy has been saved

I want you to be awful

I want you to be all those horrible things they accused you of being

But you're not

You're perfect

I try so hard to paint the picture of that monster I was warned about

But I can never seem to find the right colors

You're not a monster

I want so bad for you to be awful

I keep trying to find the evil in you but I don't think it's there anymore

I think it left when she did

I don't think you were the bwe thing to happen to her

I fear she happened to you

I wish you would hit me

Or even yell

I wish you would call me mean names

And tell me I never mattered

But you don't

But you wont

I wish you were awful

But all the reasons you have to leave are valid

And you'll stay gone because you should

I wish you were awful

Now I have to look back on the memories of you and know I was so happy

I have to accept that I gave you my best but it wasn't good enough

And you really did deserve better

You even left with care and kindness

They said you'd betray me

But you didn't

I wish you were awful

I love your smile

I love your laugh

My best friend

A huge pain in the ass

I love your brown eyes

And playful voice

That the small things

Bring you so much joy

I love that when you're happy

You break into song

You always stand your ground

Even tho you're usually wrong

I love that you laugh

At all your own jokes

And that even on your worst days

You're still full of hope

I love when you're mad at me

And start talking hood

But still love me in ways

No one else ever could

I love that you love me

I love that I see it

I love that you created a fairytale

And made me believe it

I love that it's easy

I love that it's hard

I love when you're near

I love you when you're far

I love your dreamy fish mind

And your romantic point of view

I love us

I love you

You don't make me feel bad for being crazy

Instead of bitch you call me baby

It's always when and never maybe

I've been feeling a little better lately

I cry a little

You think it's cute

I pray for saving

God sends me you

When I'm down

You lift me up

When I show you hate

You show me love

Now I'm looking forward

Instead of looking back

I'll only reach behind me

When feeling for your hand

You feel like sunshine

In the worst of weather

Middle of December

But there's no snow on ground

There's a plus one on an invite

And I'm the only one around

I put on my best dress

And try and match the theme

Left lonely for a second

Then found you next to me

They told me to keep my distance

With smiles on their face

They said that you were dangerous

And I'm prone to making mistakes

Still they never saw it coming

Everything that happened next

Pieces from two different puzzles

Almost broken enough to fit

Our clocks kept ticking

Set on different times

So determined to stay on our own paths

We didn't notice they aligned

I took a few more steps forward

You took a few steps back

I almost didn't notice

I was able to reach your hand

Time froze for a moment

Then the clocks ticked in sync

My vision began to clear

And the silence began to speak

The darkness became more welcoming

The storms began to calm

The demons turned to smoke

And the monsters began to run

The stars shined a little brighter

To make sure we found our way

My heart grew a little wider

To make sure you had a place to stay

Our almost turned into always

Our pieces finally clicked

Broken enough pray

In love enough to mend

I thought I'd given up

Until I looked into your eyes

I could feel the monsters in my head

Slowly start to die

And when you smiled

My ice heart began to melt

And kissing you

Was a feeling I'd never felt

I spent my whole life

Thinking I was breathing

But these days without you

Feel like suffocating

I sit patiently waiting

To be able to catch my breath

Anxiously praying

For the boy that should never have left

The world keeps spinning

As I stare at the time

Waiting for you comes naturally

I've been waiting for you all my life

And I thought you forgot me

You thought I was over you too

Then you looked up

And I was across the room

There was no panic

Just sweet relief

And I thought it was one sided

Until I saw you breath

You didn't even pause

Suddenly face to face

For the first time in months

We were both in the right place

I'm not convinced

That we don't belong together

But now you're to far gone

There's to much bad weather

And if the day comes

Where we are meant to meet again

There are to many locks on the door

I won't be able to let you in

Took 10 years

And two kids

Before you got brave enough

To walk away from his shit

He begged and he pleaded

Tried to convince you he's changed

But the true monster lies

In the man who doesn't get his way

The tears never stopped

The memories never dulled

He did whatever he could

To make you look in the wrong

He took all your friends

Erased your whole life

You're nothing without him

Standing by your side

Girl after girl

While you laid in bed alone

Praying to God

Trying to stay strong

Years went by

And things stade the same

He still made it a goal

To cause you pain

You held your head high

And grit your teeth

You waited for karma to come

And she sent me

Do your eyes scan every parking lot before going into a store just in case ?

Oh, so I must be the problem.

Do you feel sick to your stomach every time an unsaved number shows up on your phone ?

Oh, I must be the problem.

Do you freeze every time an unexpected knock appears at your door and pray they don't realize your home ?

Oh, guess I'm the problem .

Do you take the long way home because certain streets make your heart scream and your breath stop ?

Do you take pills every night and hope they keep you out of your dreams so you can rest for just a few hours ?

Do you research everyone you meet just in case they have been sent to watch you or trick you ?

Are you scared to live your house ?

Do you cry at certain songs ?

Do you avoid certain places ?

Did you stop watching your favorite shows ?

No?!

Guess I'm the fucking problem .

All the bad things are healing first

And I think that makes it worse

To just remember what never hurt

Like the time you held my hand

And took me to new lands

You really were my biggest fan

Wanna let go but I can't

Damn

All those times that you would kiss me

How you always said you missed me

How I kept you off that whiskey

But we were risky

And now I walk right by our spot

I always feel like I am lost

And I look for you everywhere I go

And just wanna go home

And I'm sure you're doing fine

You kept your heart but left with mine

I think I might be dying

You really took my life

And I survived it

Was I laughing to loud?

Was my smile to bright?

What in my happiness

Didn't sit right?

Did my dry eyes offend you?

Were my scars to discreet?

What sin did I commit

To not deserve peace?

I stayed out of the way

I kept my mouth shut

I let you walk away

I let you give up

Now look me in the eyes

And call me a monster

When it's MY heart

That's on the sharp end of YOUR dagger

Tell me I deserve this

While you're watching me bleed

Tell me it betters you

To see me on my knees

Tell me my downfall

Will bring you something

Because I'll die for you

Make sure it's not for nothing

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