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Love Begins
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we're not kids anymore.
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AnasAbdin
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Monterey Bay Aquarium
NASA
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Andulka
Peter Solarz
izzy's playlists!
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Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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@kristlehelmuth
You should be here.
Tomorrow should’ve been 20 years. Twenty years of worn-out jokes and sleepy morning kisses. Of long drives with our favorite songs and arguing over where to eat. Of matching gray hairs starting to show through and a house full of the life we built. We should be laughing about how young and clueless we were that day at the courthouse, two young soldiers about to become a statistic. . He…
When Pain Finds Me, I Find You
Dear Nate, It’s always you I end up writing to, even when the pain has nothing to do with you. Even when the wound is fresh and has someone else’s name on it — I still find myself here. With you. In the ache. Isn’t that strange? That something as simple as a breakup or a disappointment can crack me open in a way that pulls me all the way back to you? When someone leaves, even temporarily,…
My Two Valentines-How My husband taught me to love another man.
I met the love of my life at 18 years old. I was a brand new Soldier, and so was he. We fell hard and fast. We didn’t know what the future held, but we knew we didn’t want to spend another moment without each other. Before I even realized what was happening I was marrying the blue-eyed guy I locked eyes with just 4 short months earlier. 4PM couldn’t come fast enough that Friday, we piled in the…
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Grief is Grief
All of the unknown terms, words we don’t understand, all of the numbers swirling around in our heads. They bring fear, anxiety, worry. We worry about the virus itself, will we get it? Will our loved ones get it? We suffer the loss of those who couldn’t fight it, and we grieve. Not only do we grieve the loss of our family, and our friends, but we are grieving secondary losses as well. We are…
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My Two Valentines-How My husband taught me to love another man.
My Two Valentines-How My husband taught me to love another man.
I met the love of my life at 18 years old. I was a brand new Soldier, and so was he. We fell hard and fast. We didn’t know what the future held, but we knew we didn’t want to spend another moment without each other. Before I even realized what was happening I was marrying the blue-eyed guy I locked eyes with just 4 short months earlier. 4PM couldn’t come fast enough that Friday, we piled in…
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All or Nothing
Grief is funny, it has no timeline, and honestly I don’t know that I truly believe in these “stages” either. My grief doesn’t play by any rules, it does what it wants, and currently it is running the show. Some days I do so good, get through the days like a boss, and other days I can’t function. This is the part I need people to understand. Just because I “looked” like I was doing good one day,…
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Getting Back to Me
I guess now is a better time than any to build a new life right? What better way for me to learn to not take life for granted, and to always tell people you love how you feel. What better way to learn to take advantage of every opportunity to be happy, and live the life you love?
I wish it was that easy. I wish I could tell you I woke up one morning, decided to be happy and I just was. I know…
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My heart shattered all over again, knowing I can't fix this for her. I can't fix her broken heart, and I can't certainly can't dry her tears with my tear soaked hands. Last night was a rough night, I was stressed out, the kids felt it, and they were stressed too.
Because that’s truly how it goes. #cantmakethisshitup #lifeiscrazy #wtfisthis #life #smh #whatnext
Guilty for being happy-the Struggle is Real.
Guilty for being happy-the Struggle is Real.
This morning, as I drove my son to baseball camp, I looked over at him, and I felt overcome with pride. He’s grown so much physically, and otherwise, he’s becoming a young man. It’s beautiful outside, I have the top off the Jeep, and my favorite song was on the radio. I felt happy. Genuinely Happy. And then, I shut myself down, I allowed myself to get in my own head, and I got frustrated. How can…
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Five Things I Learned In My First 6 Months as a Widow
Five Things I Learned In My First 6 Months as a Widow
6 Months…
15,724,800 seconds
262,080 minutes
4368 hours
182 days
26 weeks
49.86% of 2018
It feels like its been so long, and yet, I remember that day like it just happened. It rips my heart out over and over again. Its been the most painstaking 6 months of my life, but everyday I get a little stronger. I wish there was a manual for all this, like when I walked down the long cold hall of the…
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The hardest moments are those in which I find joy. When I feel my heart starting to heal, when I’m laughing, and smiling and for a moment, I feel at peace Then it comes crashing down like a ton of bricks because you are not there to enjoy that moment with me, but I know I have to, if not for me, for you. #loveyouforever #lifeanddeath #griefjourney #healing #onedayatatime #soulmate #grief #rebuilding #mewithoutyou #heartbroken
Would you do it again?
I would walk it again to meet him. To fall in love, and to know what true love feels like. Even if it's the only love I ever know, and even if it means losing him all over again.
If you had known the path you’d be given would you have walked it?
I didn’t expect that seeing this random meme on Facebook this morning would bring me to my knees, that it would make me reflect on my life, and the pieces that brought me to where I am today. It caught me off guard. I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone, I wouldn’t wish the journey I have walked on anyone, but would I walk it again?…
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Fathers Day after Loss
I tried to buy Fathers Day cards for the other Fathers in our lives, to celebrate them, and I couldn't. I couldn'teven.walk.down.the aisle.
The start of summertime means pool days, bbqs, family vacation, and Fathers Day. The day we celebrate all those amazing Fathers in our lives. I couldn’t have created a better Father for my children if I sat down and wrote out a list of everything I wanted him to be and somehow manifested him into human form. Literally. He was patient, and kind, and yet, he was consistent and firm. He taught them…
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This Summer @1stplatoonjax is issuing a challenge! Don’t just Thank is, Join us! This summer we will be participating in a series of service, support, and social events designed to empower and engage Veterans and community members in unique ways! #charliemike #legacyofservice #jacksonvilleveterans #jaxvets #veteran #army #navy #marinecorps #airforce #coastguard #bettertogether #servicesaves #getyourblueon #inspire (at Jacksonville, Florida)
Amazing opportunity to hear General Dempsey speak first thing this morning. #tapsfam #gratefulnation #memorialday #leadership #generaldempsey #rebuilding
We’re here. This is real. My heart just shattered all over again. :( #gratefulnation #memorialday #lifeafterdeath #widow #charliemike