Chloe

A little sneak peek into my world

[kristulebambule]

myself

I am experiencing this switching between loosing myself and finding myself. Sometimes I feel connected so deeply and sometimes I´m miles away. It´s an everyday work to get to that state of embrace, though it´s the only alive, true space I know.

[hedonist--poet-deactivated20240]

People don’t get you, because you are just like art. Poetic and complex.

Hira (via hedonistpoet)

[hedonist--poet-deactivated20240]

The pills are making me numb But that’s not what I want Why can’t I feel normal I just need to survive this horror Numbness is easier to get by Living is so scary, but why? I wish I had answers I wish I had some reasons Time to swallow another one Time to close my eyes one more time - Hira

[kristulebambule]

This is why I keep resisting you

[kristulebambule]

[kristulebambule]

.

I can feel all emotions so deeply  

and it’s beautiful

[kristulebambule]

The therapist

The therapist said ‘talk to your inner child like it’s your friend, you need to create that space for you two’ 

I have been pushing you, inner child, away for a long time. Like I would ignore you even existed, like I would give you an invisible cloak. I am sorry, darling, dear. I know you are all frustrated. We haven’t had fun together for a long time. It’s time to work on our relationship again. I wanna hear you sing. It’s time to let you blossom. I missed you. Please, welcome back. 

[kristulebambule]

Back to Czech Republic, 28.9.2017

It’s been a year since I moved away from home. I was looking for something exciting, fast, loud, bigger than myself. In those terms I quite well succeeded. If this city is one thing, it’s big. So big at times I feel swallowed like a blueberry. 

Recently I’ve been coming home quite frequently. I feel so happy here. Like it all makes sense again. All I was running away from is now naturally part of me. Without much thinking about it. I belong here and I feel it, I know it.  

[kristulebambule]

Everyday is the day

Everyday is the day to express yourself. Everyday is full of new thoughts, emotions, inspiration, motives and insights and there is no way they should stay locked inside of you. They need to be released as a bird from the cage it never belonged. I find ideas a form of energy that requires to flow, be shared and given space. If I leave them imprisoned I feel about to explode, choking along the way. We have been trained into some kind of mechanical robots functioning in an automatic way but I scream I am none of that. I am an unstable being with fire inside.

Today it crossed my mind how bizzare it is we close ourselves in boxes, in concrete blocks, in the city. I feel like we became so disconnected from the essence of human nature. We travelled all the way from simple pleasure, simple needs of human soul to entertainment. And it seems there is never enough of it. 

Recently I became a fully plant-based eater. I feel like going back to my old habits is no longer an option. Sharing this new passion of mine, this new approach towards life makes me tremendously happy. I believe that all actions we pursue in life are a matter of habit. And one’s diet counts for one of the strongest habits out there. It’s incredible almost how connected I now feel and how bizzare using animals in any sense occurs to me. 

I love you all, pigs, cows, coakroaches, mice, ants. I don’t care. There is no way a cow or a chicken wants to live their miserable short life in a cage, being treated like a piece of sh*t and then killed. There is no way this is ok. There is no way one life form should be in charge of other life form. All this hate comes from the history of human pain. 

This is it and I will fight like a tiger, I will not give up on you, I will not give up.

[kristulebambule]

They tried to tie me down

they tried to give me a number

yet I refused to go their way

I knew I was a thunder

[hedonist--poet-deactivated20240]

Nothing haunts you like unexpressed feelings.

Hira (via hedonistpoet)

[kristulebambule]

Domesticated

Framing ourselves into avatars

how do I fit in

an unstable being

carrying heat inside 

an endless lava 

deamons playing blissfull sonatas

for I can´t be domesticated

into your pre-measured cage

like an exotic parrot

so step away

watch me burn in flames

like a phoenix.

[kristulebambule]

London

You rush like thunder through my spine

and your currency takes no mercy

for this chase I seem too humble

the hungry beast, never satisfied

naive and young, I came to conquer you

while you watch me stumble

shaking my bones in twisted little rhumba

Unwilling lead as I defy,

fading in the pace of yours

[kristulebambule]

High hopes

And so I got tempted one more time,

excited as a curious kid,

pure & open.

Let our demons play together

let them dance in spirals.

The wind blows the fire into perpetual flame.

No man is an island,

I aimed to be your shore

but the tide came sudden,

I choked.

Under the weight of your constant judgements,

the reflection of measures with your very self

Wish I could save you darling,child,

wish I could pet the fragile ego.

And so these dark waters soaked through the surface,

the ghost of past stroke hard.

Full of insecurity, leaning into my arms

I agreed to swim those rivers with you.

Half naked since, hiding in the corner like a shaking dog,

you pushed her far away, your manic pixie dream girl.

[kristulebambule]

Lizard

Disguised as the lizard

seeking for self-protection

the blindness of ego

swimming its sea of deception.

Where the soul is naked

the price is high

the poor may drown

under the weight of pride.

The heart screaming for justice

being left out for so long,

longing to fix all the parts

that have gone wrong.

Fragile line between truth & illusion

the space feels lone

maybe I was the ocean

when you were just a stone.

[kristulebambule]

život

Ve škole zapomněli na předmět : Jak žít život.

snažím se teď marně nalézt v zápiskách

[kristulebambule]

Co asi

Nevím co děláš,

jak vypadá ta tvoje izolace.

Ale sleduju tvoji hudební stopu, mapuju tě emočně.

[kristulebambule]

Zase jednou

tak zase jednou, urputně trhala kořeny ze země

zase jednou uvěřila

že rozumí chaosu co vně probíhá, zjevně

sama sebe ošálila