AITA for getting revenge on a guy by using his bureau's name to commit crimes (and various other things) after he drugged and locked me in a house for 3 days?
I (28M) was working peacefully at the local temple when someone tried to assassinate me. This guy (28M) stopped the assassin but arrested me due to being a suspect in an ongoing investigation of a murder/theft that occurred on the outskirts of town.
He's second in command of a bureau that works directly under the Emperor, so he had the power to do this. In an attempt to get a confession or information out of me, he drugged me and locked me in a house for 3 days.
For context, I've always been sickly due to failed poisoning attempts on my mother while she was pregnant with me. So, as you can imagine, being drugged and having no food or water for 3 days almost killed me.
Of course, I didn't kill those people or steal that artefact, so he eventually had to let me out since I wasn't admitting to anything. The real reason he let me out, though, was that he suspected I was working for another bureau controlled by the Empress.
Unlike the one controlled by the Emperor, the one under the Empress worked much more secretively and wasn't public with their members. He thought that the other bureau would be investigating the same case, as it was rather high profile, and wanted to get information out of me from that angle.
Immediately, he started acting overly friendly with me. At least he started feeding me actual food though. I was getting withdrawal symptoms from the drugs, so he offered me more, which I turned down, as it was obviously an attempt to control me.
He asked me to leave my job and join his Bureau, offering me a position. I called him a motherfucker who didn't let me eat for 3 days and now he wants me to work for him? Absolutely not.
He dragged me to an auction house where he suspected the stolen artefact may be sold, asking me for details/profiles on as many people as he could. I have a photographic memory, so those were pretty easy to provide. He also pretended we were dating to get some other guy with a crush on him off his back, which I was pissed about. The audacity to use me as his fake lover after everything he's done.
So I took a mouthful of mulberry juice and dramatically spat it out as if it was blood. I've always been sickly, so I already looked the part. I yelled at him for sleeping with my sister (didn't happen) and having violent bdsm sex with us both (also didn't happen). I also slapped him at some point. I pretended to cry and break up with him, saying I couldn't take it anymore. I was causing a scene on purpose and was going for maximum humiliation points. He was pretty well known/respected, so hopefully that caused some damage to his reputation.
This is the first of many things I have done in revenge against this guy.
The next was when a group of assassins tried to kill him. I watched, of course, until he was dangling off the edge of a cliff. Obviously, I seized this opportunity to grab him by the hand and told him to call me daddy three times, or I'd drop him off the cliff. He gave in, but the assassins circled back around, so we both ended up hiding in a caved in ledge on the side of the cliff.
He tried to do the same thing to me and asked me to call him daddy, or he wouldn't pull me up. I told him my dad was dead (semi lie), and he apologised and dropped it.
Some time later, after we'd pretty much finished the investigation for that case (we found the girl that did it, she sold out her partner in crime so he offered her a job under him at the Emperors bureau), I asked him for his token. Basically, every high-ranking official has a token they can give to someone to allow them to give orders in their place, and those orders would have the same authority as if they had come from the person who's token it was.
He gave his to me, and I immediately started doing crimes in his name. Like going to peoples houses and demanding to see the bodies of their recently deceased. Every time someone protested, I told them to take it up with the Emperor's bureau. I was doing this to quickly get access to evidence/information for another case I was working on. I basically had infinite no warrenty required searches, and all the backlash would fall on him. Some of his subordinates came with me, and they tried to stop me, but they couldn't since I had his token and he outranked them.
In my defence, I'm pretty sure he was well aware that I wasn't going to be doing anything good with his token, given my entire attitude towards him for the past few weeks. He definitely gave it with the acception/expectation that I'd be up to something. He's not that stupid.
He's also germaphobic, so I forced him to touch some dead bodies. Or sometimes I touched him after touching dead bodies. I chose all these times to be when we were on undercover missions, so he couldn't react without drawing unwanted attention. I could tell he was freaking out and screaming internally, though.
Here's where I might be the asshole. So he originally suspected me of being a member of the Empress' bureau. He was correct, as I'm actually the first in command of it. I planned this entire thing from the start, like the fact that I was at the temple that day and being suspicious enough for him to arrest and lock in a house.
I had several motivations for doing this. The first was that the Empress' bureau is understaffed. Since we prefer to keep our operations more secret, less staff is our operating strategy. This comes with the obvious drawback. By staying with the Emperor's bureau, I was able to split my two subordinates into another team.
I was communicating with my subordinates by leaving messages at locations our bureau had already secretly turned into a base, like restaurants and teahouses. This brings me to my second reason, I wanted to obtain information from their bureau. I took whatever findings/leads they had and communicated it to my subordinates to investigate. It was useful having an entire other organisation doing a lot of the work.
The third reason is that I knew the guy I've been talking about was responsible for a peace negotiation with a neighbouring settlement. It was an important negotiation, so both bureaus had sent a representative. I was the one from mine of course. I didn't trust the other not to fuck it up, so I needed to accompany him and gain his trust so that he'd listen to me and let me handle the talk.
The building ended up collapsing, but I was fine since my subordinates were able to protect me. It was funny to see how worried his face was, though. I wonder if I should have played dead just to mess with him a little more.
Anyways, the talk didn't go anywhere since the delegate the settlement sent didn't hold any actual political power, but she promised a talk with their leader. So we began travelling with her there.
For some reason, he insisted on disguising himself as my wife. Let me stress, there was absolutely no need for him to do that. He was just being fussy as he said disguising himself as a peasant man wasn't showing enough of his "natural beauty" or something, so he insisted he should at least be a mid maintenance wife. He just couldn't stand having dirt in his hair. Did I mention he's a huge narcissist? That and his obsession with his appearance and the germaphobia really makes for a terrible combination. Everytime we've stopped at an inn so far, he insists that all the bedding and sheets be changed, and he refuses to eat from a bowl even if it's been washed, so he buys a new one each time. And he has the money to actually do it, too. He's from a wealthy family, so he's never had the reality check of a financial limit. Truly ridiculous.
Like I said earlier, I used this to force him to touch more dead bodies. He retaliated by getting further into the wife roleplay.
Lot's more happened, but I'll just go through the key points.
He stabbed me in the neck on a mission at some point. He was working as a double agent and had to prove to the other group that he really was loyal to them. He was smart enough to miss all the major arteries though, but I still almost died since I'm physically weak, so he spent a lot of time at my bedside healing me.
One of my subordinates spent her time getting me 3 rare medicine pills. She hates the guy, by the way. I gave her a job when she was on the streets with no one else to turn to, so she might be overly protective due to that. The guy managed to get himself possessed by a cursed artefact and almost died, so I gave him the pills. She was pissed about it, he basically offered to marry me, and so on.
Remember the girl who killed people and stole an artefact from the first case? She was given a job for him, so we had her disguise herself as him for a mission to throw off the enemy. After that mission was done, she tried pranking me by pretending to be him. It didn't work. Then, some rich houses were caught embezzling government provided rice from public relief funds, but refusing to admit it, so I called them all into a room and asked her to just start killing everyone who denied it (she was still dressed as him). The rest confessed and revealed where the rice was stored. Another problem quickly solved while simultaneously dragging his reputation through the mud.
He got accused of treason, so I arrange for actual human waste to be placed in his cell. This forces him to cut his long hair off since the smell wouldn't come out, which he was mad about since he's so obsessed with his hair.
And the most recent thing I've done, he sent me a poem about his heart or something, so I sent him an actual pigs heart, still covered in blood. Wish I could've seen his reaction, but I imagine it's quite funny.
Oh I almost forgot, I commissioned gay porn in his name.
So did I go too far? AITA?
AITA?
Voting ended onJan 5, 2024
