last night I caught myself listening to a sylus secret times audio cos I had the worst headache ever and his voice was the only thing I thought would make me feel better so like... yeah... I've reached a new low I fear
"I hate you, you know that?" you suddenly snap, the words leaving your lips like a sacred chant you dared never to utter - and yet, here you were.
As Caleb falls silent at your outburst, you begin to see his features soften into something pitiful; but before you let that get to you, you turn on your heel and leave.
He doesn't follow you like he should. Usually, he’d be hot on your trail to reel you back and teach you a lesson; to never talk back, never raise your voice at him.
But this time, he doesn't.
This time, you can’t even hear his breaths lingering behind you.
You don't want to think about him anymore.
Not a single second.
As you slam your door, you make an effort to lock it before getting into your bed.
You hate the way your heart patters, the way your head keeps egging you to remember the harsh words you lashed onto your lover only seconds ago. You can admit to yourself now, that they were dramatic - of course you didn't hate Caleb - how could you? He was the only person that ever mattered to you.
Silence.
You can’t hear him. Is he still standing there? Right where you said those awful words? Why wasn't he moving?
Minutes pass. Then, an hour.
Only then, do you hear the first knock on your door. Somehow, your anxiety reduced into a wash of relief.
You swallow the lump in your throat, anticipating another knock at your silence. You wanted to pretend you were asleep, but you know Caleb well, and he knows you even better.
“I know you’re not asleep” he mumbles behind the door.
He waits another moment before sighing.
You watch as the door handle twists, but it doesn't budge.
A deadly sound escapes Caleb's lips - a chuckle.
You find yourself biting the bottom of your lip, gripping at the sheets - this was inevitable. You knew you’d tick him off by locking your door, especially after an argument. It was one of the rules Caleb has set for the both of you since your shared childhood together - no locked doors, especially after arguments.
One loud bang, and he was inside; the small clinck of your now destroyed lock bounces on the floor as a reminder of your now disturbed peace.
As your eyes meet his, Caleb shakes his head in mock disappointment, “what did we say about locking doors, hm?”
You keep yourself composed; though, the sight of your shattered lock and partially broken door does not help, not one bit.
You watch as Caleb strides toward you, he doesn't look all that intimidating - usually, Caleb would have an almost predatory look on him after an argument like that. But tonight, he seemed all too expressionless.
Something felt off.
“So I'm getting the silent treatment too now, huh?” He suddenly speaks, the way he spoke was far too casual, it makes you wonder if he was ready to make up. Though you were stubborn, you certainly didn’t mind it if he did, so as long as he apologises first, of course.
You keep your eyes on his as he nears, expectant.
“It’s fine, I don't mind,” he sighs, before sitting at the edge of your bed, “I was just going to say goodnight anyways, that’s all.”
Your eye twitches involuntarily, and you find the words escaping before holding them back - so much for a silent treatment.
“That’s all?”
Caleb smiles at the way you so easily gave up the act. He tilts his head to the side, his eyes shining softly, “And that I love you”
“I love you too” you say in a breath, wanting to be closer, wanting to pull him in. Suddenly, nothing truly mattered anymore. Nothing ever mattered, except for Caleb.
But when you look into his eyes, you don’t see him anymore. It’s empty, his eyes. They usually light up when you say those words, but right now, Caleb wasn’t there.
Though he smiles at you once more, you feel your heart begin to race. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. And deep inside your heart, you know it’s all your fault.
Before Caleb can turn to leave, you clutch onto the back of his shirt.
“Whats wrong?” Caleb questions, quirking a brow upward as he allows himself to settle back down on your bed with your eager attempt to pull him down.
“We’re not making up?” You say, meeker than you intend - Caleb notices this, of course, but he doesn’t seem to tease you for it.
“Hm? Why would we?”
You feel your stomach twist at the words, and you feel your breaths faint, “You've always said it's best to make up before falling asleep” you manage, feeling your throat clog up with the way he looks at you. As if you were a stranger of some sort, as if he saw right through you.
Where was he? Where was Caleb?
“Doesn't mean we should” he replies flatly, “you were about to sleep with your door locked, were you not? So you clearly didn't want to make up either”
Your shoulders slump even more, your voice a little too innocent for even Caleb to bear any longer, “You don't want to?”
He looks away, unable to face you, but he’s reeled back in when your palms cup onto his cheek, holding him there, right in front of you.
“Caleb-”
“I’m tired pips, I need sleep too y'know" he mumbles, looking down to your lips before looking back up to your gaze, “plus, you’ve been bad enough to me today. I think I deserve a break”
“No” you say, stubborn and childish as you are, but it manages to break a chuckle from him.
“No?” He muses as you sit up straighter.
He must already know you’re about to kiss him, since he moves an inch back when you lean in. Though you’re offended, you scrunch your eyebrows to scowl at him.
“I spoil you too much” he sighs, “you don’t get to kiss me after all of that”
As Caleb’s large hands wrap around yours, you begin to panic when he pulls your hold away from him.
“Please gege-”
Caleb seems to have some mercy for you when you plead like that, you understand that with the way he stills, the way his gaze softens just the slightest. He couldn't help it, and you knew it - when you addressed him like that, it felt like he could never say no.
His finger saunters across the bottom of your jaw, trailing a line over it before lingering against your lips.
You don’t look away from him, you can’t.
“Not this time, okay pips?”
When you feel his fingers press onto your bottom lip, you’re already commanded to take it in. It doesn’t matter anymore, this is a small luxury for what you did. You would take this, you would gladly take anything of what he gives to you.
“So spoilt…” he chuckles softly, prodding his finger in deeper, “perhaps I should’ve left your lock on, after all”
You hum as his two digits push in back and forth, relishing the feeling of his fingers on your tongue; your core aches with a type of pleasure you know you won’t be getting a release from - but you still enjoy it.
You hold onto his wrist when he tries to pull his fingers away, desperate for the small form of intimacy he’s given to stay beside him a little longer. But you know that you’ve already been far too greedy.
“That’s enough now, yeah?” He’s soft once more, easing you off. And though you’re dazed, you remember exactly what you needed to say before he leaves you tonight.
And since you’re already pathetic enough, you're no longer scared of voicing it out.
“What I said earlier-” you start, louder, ready to confront the situation you were avoiding. Caleb doesn’t move, and with the way he wasn’t looking at you anymore, you knew he knew exactly what you were talking about.
“It’s nothing i’m not aware of”
“What?”
The feeling again.
Washing over your previous pleasure, it eats away at you. You know it for certain now. It was all your fault. That empty look in his eyes. It was all your doing. The anxiety inside you hurls into something dangerous but you try to keep your mind steady to let Caleb know the truth.
“I don't hate you. I promise- I was just- I was just upset and it came out” you sputter out as quickly as you can before regaining your breaths, “I say it when I'm angry, you know it’s not true, don’t you?”
Caleb’s silence breaks your heart into fragments, his eyes look down before shaking his head and meeting your eyes once more. A gentle smile forms on his lips before he leans in to pat your head.
“You should get some sleep, goodnight pips”
You feel your hands shake as you reach out to him once more, but this time, you’re not fast enough. You find yourself clutching onto the mattress underneath in an attempt to find a warmth that isn’t his.
He’s already gone.
You didn’t know Caleb had those thoughts in his head. How could you possibly know? You thought he knew how much you adored him. How the possibility of you hating him could never occur, not even in a million lifetimes.
“Arent you a little too old to be creeping into my bed over nightmares?” Caleb sighs as he sits up from his bed, staring you down as you creep your way into his bed and under his sheets.
“Pips…” there was a hint of warning in his tone, but you don’t back down, “you have your own bed”
“Are you going to kick me out?” You challenge, only to hear him sharply inhale as you wrap your arms around his waist, snuggling up to his chest.
Caleb manages to relax a little as he falls back into his pillow, you feel it with the way his breaths have finally steadied in your embrace, “Of course not. It’s your home, do as you please”
“I’m sorry” you start, closing your eyes to rest against his chest, finding comfort in his warmth and the gentle thumping of his heart, “I promise you, with every fibre of my being, I don’t hate you. I never did, I never will”
“That’s reassuring” he replies, but you find yourself pushing up against his chest to take a better look at him. Caleb opens his eyes and raises his eyebrows at you, as if to question you, but you narrow your eyes onto him instead,
“You don't believe me still” you say in a huff, Caleb sighs.
“How can I” he mumbles softly, “you said it with such conviction… it just reinforced something I had already been feeling”
You swallow down, thick.
The guilt was washing over you like waves crashing onto you, over and over again, hard, heavy, painful.
Everything hurt.
But what hurt more was the way Caleb stared right at you, nervous to say another word, that you may break if he did.
Even when he was already the one who was broken.
“I love you Caleb, you know that, don’t you?” You say, softer - and though Caleb sits up to comfort you, you can’t help but feel like a monster when he doesn’t reply.
He can’t reply.
“Caleb?”
As your voice begins to shake and your eyes start to water, Caleb closes his eyes momentarily to let out a breath.
“I’m not upset anymore pips” he shakes his head, “let's go back to sleep now, okay? ”
Again and again. He won’t answer you. He certainly believes it, that you hate him, that you don’t truly love him. It was all your fault.
All your fault.
Unknowingly, you break out into an ugly sob, shocking even Caleb who pulls you into his chest immediately. You hate how you can’t reach him. You hate how he doesn’t listen. You hate how he doesn’t understand that he’s the only person you care about.
“Please stop crying pips...” he groans, rocking you back and forth, just like he always did when you would cry in his arms, “I still love you, I’ll always love you”
“But you don't believe that I love you” your voice cracks again, pushing back to look at him once more - waiting, begging for an answer, but he doesn’t give you it.
Wiping away at your tears, you instinctively lean in to kiss him before pulling back at the very last moment, remembering only moments ago that he didn't want to. You apologise softly and wipe away at your tears again, stabilising your breaths and sinking back down to the sheets.
All the while, Caleb watches you, his fingers tangling in your hair as the other taps a familiar rhythm on your back.
He pulls you close, so close you feel his eyelashes on yours, even his nose brushes up against yours. You manage to scoot back to give him an appropriate amount of space, but you feel him pull you in instead.
Out of nowhere, his lips are on yours; soft, tender - but the moment ends as quickly as it starts. You look to him, shocked and dazed, almost questioning why he gave you something he withheld only moments ago.
Though you should be happier having finally gotten a small token of his affection for the cruel words you’ve lashed onto him, you can’t help but feel even worse.
“Happy?” Caleb gives you his best smile, charming, relaxed - but you know better. A small breath leaves his lips as he kisses the tip of your nose, then your forehead. You don't have any more fight in you to plead your case. So you settle beside him, pulling yourself close against his chest.
“I’m sorry gege”
“I know, it’s okay"
chuu's note: I called this damage control bc he kissed mc as damage control hahaha. but then i realised they're both just doing damage control. I highkey want to make a pt2 where mc is being manipulative instead though cos I feel bad for making mc go through ts...
You know better than to get tangled up with Flins, especially when he seems to have a personal vendetta against anyone who fancies the young master Illuga.
tags: reader has a crush on illuga, flins being a hater, you hating flins, flins being a sneaky manipulative fae, tension, suggestive content, smut ?, one night stands, idk what else to tag hh
wc: 5.2k
chuu's note: in my humble opinion flins is a whore ♡ also this fic was inspired by ivan flirting w anyone who has a crush on till hahaha
“Ah, you’re here” Illuga’s voice calls out to you like a beam of sunshine, bathing you in his sweet warmth – that is, until you spot another familiar figure right behind him.
Like a shadow, Flins trails behind Illuga, and though his exterior opposes that of your beloved Squad Leader, he doesn’t miss his opportunity to shoot you a charming smile.
Charming, but you know better.
You know better than to get wrapped up with Mr Flins. And you know even better to keep your distance from Illuga when he’s nearby.
By now, the tall man has understood your affections toward Illuga, despite your desperate attempts to conceal them.
Rumor has it, Flins was quite the name amongst the lightkeepers, ones that were once admirers of your dear beloved Squad Leader, Illuga. That was, until they got tangled up with Mr Flins. Perhaps it was a game for the elder man, toying with the hearts that once were for Illuga, and tangling them around his own finger instead.
You didn’t understand why it was, but he always loomed around Illuga, as if he was protecting him from every set of eyes that landed on him – even his many admirers.
Or rather, especially his admirers.
Even the most devoted of admirers of Illuga have fallen for Flins’ sinister game, but you know better.
“Shall we head to my office? There’s some matters about the new investigation route I want to go through with you” Illuga’s honey smooth voice snaps you away from the hold Flins’s gaze had on you. And as if you were but a mere puppy on command, you perk up and smile at Illuga
You would gladly trail behind him and shut the door close behind you, right at Flins' face.
“Of course, Master Illuga” you nod, and you have to keep your mouth from hanging open when you catch the way Flins’ eyes roll. He surely hadn’t meant for you to see that, you know that in the way he smiles just as brightly right after.
“Flins, you may accompany us as well” Illuga speaks, and to both of your surprise, Flins shakes his head,
“Forgive me, Young Master, for I have a duty elsewhere. I will catch up a little later”
As Flins bows his head, you narrow your eyes onto the man – what exactly was his deal?
Illuga almost pouts, and he looks as if he wants to say a little more, but he holds back. You understand now, that the pair have been a lot quieter than usual – Illuga especially, seems as if he is holding back tears whenever he looks to Flins.
“Of course, take your time” Illuga mumbles, his eyes on the floor before Flins steps forward. You’re well on your way to Illuga’s office till you see Flins embrace your Squad Leader – and though Flins' eyes remain closed for a moment, they open and focus, right back onto yours.
And then, a smile - one of pure mockery.
This time, you can’t help but let your mouth hang open.
He did that on purpose.
You scoff, sourly, before entering into the room, not caring to give the man any more of your attention.
“Sorry to keep you waiting” Illuga sighs, closing his door behind him, “things have been a lot more hectic than usual”
You nod, keeping a small look of understanding on your expression, but you don’t say a thing. There is only one thing that ever runs through your mind when you’re alone with Illuga – and though you dearly admire him, you wish to offer him more of your help. Be more of use to him. Especially when he looks as stressed as he does now.
“If it helps, I am ready to fight the Wild Hunt alongside-” you start but you’re firmly cut off.
“No”
You bite onto your lip to stop yourself from going further. It was a waste asking him, but you had to try – you would always try.
“Your job is to stay here where you’re safe and help plan out our routes”
‘My job is being a cartographer, and I can’t be useful unless I’m with you all on the field’ you want to say, but the words don’t leave your lips – you know it’ll only cause another argument. Instead, you look out at the map Illuga has spread out on his desk.
“I apologise, I didn’t mean to snap” Illuga says softly, and only now do you realise he’s been staring at you ever since. You look away immediately, and focus on the spaces he’s marked.
“It’s fine”
It’s not fine. But you understand why you need to say it.
“You’re plenty useful like this, I promise. You don’t need to do more than this” he reassures you, his brows furrow upward in attempt to reason with you, but you shake your head,
“But I can. I know I can”
“I know you can too” Illuga sighs, and your eyes widen – for the first time, Illuga has admitted that he does see you back on the front lines. But there’s that look on him, an immense whirl of guilt that pools in his eyes the moments he looks at you.
“I just can’t take that risk again” he says, and with the way his voice softens, you understand that perhaps there’s more to it than what he lets on, “and I can’t have anyone else be taken away from me”
With a shaken exhale, you nod your head. There was no convincing him.
The moment you had hurt yourself during one of the battles with the Wild Hunt, was the moment you were taken out of any more expeditions. Every privilege that you had, every single thing you took for granted being on the front lines - it all vanished the moment you got hurt, the moment Illuga saw you getting hurt.
Illuga, being the Squad Leader, had every authority to keep you from going out ever again. You didn’t blame him of course, but he often did. Illuga has a knack for blaming himself for everything. Any injury anyone from the team sustained, Illuga would be the first to blame himself for it.
That still didn’t warrant where you were now; stuck in a division of the lightkeepers with the utilization of only half a worker, if even that.
Yet somehow, Illuga still kept you around. He said it was because your ‘routing skills were so efficient’, but you truly didn’t believe him anymore. And with the way his fingers tilt your head to face him once more, you realise, you’re too distracted to care anymore.
Your dear Squad Leader, the one person you admired… Unfortunately for you, he has a breathtakingly beautiful face you can never say no to.
“If you’re upset, we can resume another time”
You scoff into a smile, he looks awfully pitiful – but you’re well aware that there is no more time. Especially for your over-worked Squad Leader.
“I’m okay. Let’s continue”
Only a few days have passed but the chaos in town is like no other. It was your duty to be present for all your work, but you find yourself alone in headquarters more often than not now. Wild Hunt activity has been at an all time high, and all you seem to be in charge of is staying far far away from trouble whilst your entire team deals the damage.
Though you were praised for your patience, commended for your work-ethic, tonight was a night you seemed to break almost every rule Illuga set out for you.
Going on field was off limits.
Going on field with intention of working on any part of mapping is especially off limits. Especially when Wild Hunt activity is no where near cleared.
If you break these rules, you’ll be dismissed without warning.
Truly, you should have taken it a little more seriously when you find yourself lost amidst the woods. You were meant to be better than this – but clearly, even your navigation skills have taken a hit after being inactive for so long.
You’ve lost your touch, and tonight has well and truly proved it.
As the night started to grow darker, the snow starts to pile on and on, making everything more unbearable. A mockery of your desperate attempts to feel useful again, a strike of pure karma for disobeying the rules of someone you say you admire.
You almost believe tonight will be your last night until you see a flicker of a light in the distance.
As it nears, you notice the flame, a familiar blue flame.
“It is most surprising to see you here” Flins speaks first and you struggle to find the right words.
Out of every person you could possibly meet on this trail, you’ve come upon the worst – the one that was looking for a weakness, one that would rat you out in a heartbeat to earn Illuga’s favour. After all, it doesn't take a fool to understand why you have come so far from headquarters, at the peak of Wild Hunt activity at that.
You close your eyes and sigh; before you could speak, Flins speaks for you,
“I assume you have gotten lost continuing on a trail? Yes?”
You try not to let your shock show, but you’re truly dumbfounded. Was he really trying to give you the benefit of the doubt? Did he perhaps, feel pity for you? Was he merely playing you a fool?
“Yes. I apologise, Flins. I… can’t thank you enough for being here” you quickly say and see the corner of his lips turn upward,
“It’s no problem. I usually make rounds before I call it a night. I’m glad to have found you, it would be a shame to have you here through the night alone” He speaks, fluid, gentle; all too easily, you find yourself a little comfortable around him – it was odd, you should be terrified.
Somehow, he seemed gentle in the night. Bearable. Much more than in headquarters, where your only point of conversation is the weather, or perhaps how lackluster the cafeteria food is.
“You seem cold”
“Oh- I’m fine! I didn’t think I’d be here this long so I wasn’t prepared” you quickly stumble on your words when you notice Flins shrugging off his large coat. Your eyes widen when he leans in to wrap it around you,
“I apologise, it may be a little on the heavy side” he mumbles, as he buttons up the top, leaving you snug and warm, enclosed in his scent. Before you can offer him a word of gratitude, he leans in once again taking both your palms from under the coat, placing his lamp against you. It emitted a warmth you craved for – to think you were almost ready to give up, lie lifeless in the cold…
“For good measure” he smiles, returning his gaze back onto yours, his gloved thumb reaching up and brushing at the corners of your eyes.
You hadn’t even realised there were tears to wipe away till he had done so.
You blink away whatever you can and smile softly, muttering something about heading back home, even when you know little of the possibility of it.
“It’s far too late to be making a return, so please, take my hand. I shall escort you to my abode. Worry not, you may stay the night, I have a spare room.”
You are suddenly thankful the skies are as dark as they are – this way, you feel a little more at ease with the way your face heats up. His home? You knew Flins lived far, but you hadn’t ever thought of how far exactly.
The silence is deafening when you settle yourself in Flins’ home – it was a small little cottage, but it was cozy and warm enough for you to feel safe for the night. But something about the air surrounding you gave you the chills.
Flins offers you a warm cocoa to which you gladly oblige in. You try to be sweet to the man, he had just saved your life, after all. What more, he was keeping you in his home for the night. You should be thankful, but instead, you’re starting to feel as if you’ve made a grave mistake.
More grave than disobeying Illuga and searching the fields.
“There is no need to be so afraid, dear Y/n” Flins starts, somehow, you believe he doesn’t find the situation as entirely awkward and tense as you do.
Your fingers curl against the warmth of the mug as you stare into the contents, your eyes dark, hollow, wallowing at the fact you were doomed either way.
You didn’t trust Flins.
How could you?
He was always in it for the good books with Illuga. No matter how grateful you are for him saving your life tonight, you are well aware of the consequences that you may face when you return to headquarters.
“I assure you, I will not report this to the Young Master” his voice is a little firmer this time, you understand it when you look up to see him seated right beside you, his bulb-like eyes boring into yours as he smiles, “it can be our little secret”
You’re briefly caught up in the moment, his eyes were almost like the sun – too bright and too hot to stare into for long, but oh how you wanted to burn your eyes a little more looking into him.
“You don’t believe me, do you?” he tilts his head to the side, long strands of hair fall as he does so. You try not to get distracted by the sheer beauty of this man – you know he uses it to his advantage, in more ways than one.
“It would go against your code to not report it” you reply, frank, tearing your gaze away from his, even if it pained you to, “I don’t expect you to lie for someone as insignificant as me”
A look of amusement flashes his expression, but it’s soon replaced by mock pity, “You are not insignificant”
You scoff, taking a final sip of the cocoa, “Charming. But I won’t be fooled by pretty words”
“There truly is no breaking that barrier of yours” Flins sighs before leaning into you – your shoulders shrug up when his thumb swipes at the bottom of your lip. Shameless, as always. You look away quickly, not bothering to affirm that he indeed did smirk after doing so. He takes your mug afterwards and leaves you be for a moment, only to return shortly.
He strides over to you with a large purple scarf. Wrapping it around your neck twice, he tightens it in place by pulling you closer toward him, “you can keep this, consider it a gift from me. It gets quite chilly during the night”
You nod, silently, your heart beating faster - his scent, it was different from when you were wrapped in his coat. But you still liked it.
What a dangerous man.
The night was colder than any other night you have ever encountered. But it wasn't simple to describe. There was something you didn't understand, this “chill” you felt, it felt darker, sinister, almost. I wasn’t just the mere temperature of the room.
The uneasiness of the night rattled you awake each hour, and you grow frustrated every time you find yourself snapping out of sleep only to realise it’s still just as dark as the last time you woke. You can’t remember how many times you’ve awoken, but what feels like the 5th, you wake up with a gasp, clutching onto your shirt, or rather, Flins’ shirt.
You squint your eyes at the bulb-like orbs staring at you from your door, “You are frightening, Flins” you say, sitting up as you focus on the figure that now strides towards you. You can make out half a smile from his lips as he nears.
“Am I? I apologise. I was only checking up on you” his voice is laced with amusement, as he takes a seat on the edge of the bed. Your heart swells a little, he must have been watching you struggle to fall asleep – you wonder for how long.
“I’m fine, I assure you”
Flins tilts his head to the side, “Is that why you are still awake at this hour?” he’s teasing you, but you cannot think of a rebuttal, not when he is correct – you were not fine. You were terrified. The night has never consumed you before, but tonight, all that swirled through your thoughts were of being caught going against orders, and of course, the cursed energy that loomed all around these woods, in this very cabin.
You truly wonder how and why Mr Flins has made this particular spot his residence – you understand he liked his privacy, but surely living in a nightmare was not a pleasant bargain for it.
“I can stay if you’d like” his voice is almost like a lullaby, and yet, you manage to scowl at the man in response,
“I am not a child”
Flins chuckles, “And yet, you are afraid of the spirits that loom around you. I believe you may have a sixth sense of some sort.”
You shake your head when he says that, “What?”
A silence ensues, and you almost begin to feel faint.
“Hm?” he feigns innocence, and a sly smile cracks onto his lips. Flins seems to make himself more comfortable on the bed, seating himself full in front of you. You don’t seem to register he’s done this since you’re too paranoid with what he just revealed.
Spirits. So he did believe there were spirits in his home. What exactly has he witnessed?
“Ah. So you are afraid”
“They don’t exist” you say quickly, it’s appalling how badly of a job you’re doing to remain nonchalant. It’s crystal clear by now, that you are completely, and utterly terrified by the concept of ghosts.
“They certainly do, dear Y/n” Flins hums, leaning in a little closer, his eyes searching through your stone cold expression. You believe you do quite a good job concealing your fear, but your voice gives you away completely,
“You jest”
“Fear not, they are harmless” he shrugs, before leaning back to leave. Just as he does, another sound is heard; a creak, a whoosh, something scuttling across the wooden flooring. You reach out to clutch onto his sleeve.
You’ve had your eyes closed for some time now, you don’t know if it’s been seconds, minutes, hours – but what you do know is that you’re still holding onto Flins. And you’re closer than ever.
Flins remains as silent as you are, you wonder if he thinks this is amusing – or if he simply wants to go back to sleep and wishes he never checked up on you in the first place.
And for the first time, you start to feel as if perhaps your perception of Flins wasn’t entirely right after all, perhaps-
“Flins”
“Mm?”
You look up to meet his eyes, hauntingly beautiful, bright, gold – suddenly, you feel as if every inch of darkness in this room was banished away by light.
“I’m afraid” you confess, lowly, and he replies right away, “I know, its okay”
“No it’s not” you whimper, “I’m scared”
The words come out on their own, and you don’t understand why. Perhaps it's your fault for repressing your feelings, your guilt for disobeying your Squad Leader, for getting into this mess in the first place, for lying about not being afraid of ghouls.
You feel him drag you closer, your chest bumps into his - his scent, you’re close to him, like you’re being wrapped in his skin entirely. You can’t help but wish to bathe in it, it felt familiar, safe, so much safer than the torment inside your mind.
Everything in your mind was spiraling at a speed you simply could not comprehend, but suddenly, you pause.
“Are… you doing this?”
Flins almost looks frightened in the moment you speak those words to him, his eyes focused entirely on yours - fierce, only moments after being close to tears. But that look vanishes almost as quickly as it arises,
“Me?” he raises his brows, feigning innocence, a pretty smile twists to his lips as a shine lights his already bright pupils. You feel one of his palms slide up higher, holding the small of your back, as the other holds onto your cheek.“How could I possibly?”
You shake your head, feeling colder again, “I don’t know… sorry” you whisper, “I must be losing my mind” you say, breathless, feeling faint.
In a matter of moments, you’re suddenly conscious of the proximity – or lack of – between the both of you, the feeling on your legs around his, the warmth of his touch, even through his clothes and yours.
… When exactly did you get to this position in the first place… ? Was it when he pulled you in, when you didn’t push him off? That’s right, why would you, he feels so comfortable.
So cold.
So safe.
"I must be losing my mind..."
You swallow thickly when his fingers tip your chin upward,
“Yes, you must be” he mumbles, his eyes flickering to your lips before landing back to your eyes – though you are dazed, you certainly notice it. A flicker of desire, of need. Or perhaps, it’s your own reflection on his. It doesn't matter. Because you notice it, and so does he.
And it certainly drives you closer,
“Yes” your breath fanning his – you feel his breath hitch the slightest,
“You and me both” he mumbles into your lips.
You don’t know who leant in first, you don’t care for it the slightest – because when it happens, neither of you care to stop. You don’t care for the cold, the chill, the ghouls, the awful things you’ve done to end up here. You don’t think of any of it - you just want more.
You straddle the man entirely, your eyes hollow, your lips dangerous, latching onto him with a hunger you’ve never known could consume you this badly. You feel him moan into you, the vibrations sending you into a frenzy to grind against him in the heat of the moment. His touch grows firmer with time, holding you in place, yet encouraging you to do as you please - and who were you to ever hold back.
“Take it off, please” you whine, your fingers fumbling against his thick coat - why was he wearing it in the first place? Was he not sleeping all this time? How had you only noticed just now?
Flins’ laughs quietly, as he kisses you once more; he tilts his head to the side, almost playfully, nipping at your ear.
“But it’s cold, darling” he pouts, laying you down and hovering over you.
“Then… take mine” you groan, feverish - you could strip away every inch of your clothing and still feel hot. Right now, nothing mattered. You unravel the thick purple scarf Flins had gifted you, throwing it lazily on the floor, earning another pout from the man who immediately picks it up and dusts it off.
Perhaps it wasnt just any old scarf of his after all.
“So impatient” he hums, before you feel his palm sink under the material of your shirt and onto your bare skin. Ice cold. His hand felt like an entire ice cube rolling up your front, “what would all the ghosts say, seeing you so scandalous like this?”
“Don’t… don’t care” you scowl, your eyes almost roll back at the feeling of his fingers playing with your sensitive skin.
“Ah, so you’re not scared anymore... ? Is that it?” he smiles, eyes boring into yours a moment too long that you almost feel yourself snap out of it all.
You swallow, your breaths shallower, and though you want to say the truth, that you still feel whatever darkness within the room with you, watching you. Instead, you shake your head, silently.
Flins smiles softly, leaning in to kiss your forehead, he didn't believe you one bit. But that didn't matter.
Nothing mattered. All that did matter was that he was inside you.
“A brave girl you are, always” he mumbles, his weight filling up you core. You close your eyes to relish in it - a pressure building inside of you, that you had no control over, one he toyed with over, and over and over again.
You whimper against him, pulling him closer to slot your face against the crook of his neck. Its only then, do you finally allow yourself to close your eyes and fall into the darkness.
“its time for you go to sleep”
“Thank you, you’ve done well” Illuga smiles at you, and though a rational you would squeal at the praise from your Squad Leader, all you’re consumed with now, is guilt.
Guilt, anticipation, inevitable dread.
You haven’t seen Flins for 3 days now. A part of you wonders if this lucky streak could continue on for the rest of your life.
But even the mere thought of him gives you flashbacks to the night you spent with him - hot, breathless, full. So full of him you felt the ache for him painfully pulling yourself towards him when you hear a mumble of conversation that mentions his name.
Oh.
Of course. You should've expected this. This was the aftermath of a team meeting turned into a celebration. You hadn't seen Flins when the meeting had started, but perhaps he'd sneaked in towards the end of it.
Typical.
You stop and watch as the females surrounding him giggle amongst themselves. You feel your throat dry watching him smile softly, acknowledging them all.
You hate that you’ve fallen for it, you’re no better than any one else. Even when you knew better than to get tangled up with him.
When you hear Flins’ soft chuckle, you snap your gaze away, right as you see him turning to look towards you.
“Are you feeling unwell?” Illuga frowns, placing a palm atop your forehead. You fight a creeping blush before shaking your head,
“I’m fine, thank you for your concern. I think I’ll head back to work now”
“You don’t look fine” Illuga furrows his brows, and you already feel his stubborn self wrapping you up in a bubble and sending you away, “take the rest of the day off, we're practically done here anyway.”
“Of course” you oblige, you’re in no position to argue, nor would it benefit you. Leaving this room would be the best option for today. You don’t excuse yourself from the room, you don’t believe anyone would pay attention either way. It wouldn't be in your best interest to, anyway. With the way you met Flins’ eyes, you were acutely aware that he wanted to speak with you.
As you pack your bag to head out, you sneak into the cafeteria to pack an extra meal - perhaps, it would be your last. You couldn't be too sure, now that Flins was back - it was a matter of time till he rats you out.
Before anyone can catch you, you walk through the hallway, seeing the light of the exit puts you at ease - though you don’t seem to get far when your eyes catch familiar figure looming against the wall.
Flins.
You look to your feet and attempt to ignore the man - surely a one-night-stand means nothing to a man like him. Still, you should have excused yourself before you left him. Thanked him at the very least for letting you stay the night, for saving you that very cold night.
“A guilty conscious” Flins tuts, and you freeze. Oh how he’s already gotten you irritated just like that.
You turn around and stride towards him, not wanting a word more said out in the open where anyone could hear.
“Do you wear that face because you worry the young master may find out about our recent relations?”
Before you can speak, he leans in closer, your breath hitches, remembering every moment of the night you spent with him. The way you so helplessly begged for him to fill you up, the way you so hopelessly asked him to keep going till you couldn't stand it anymore-
“You need not worry” he smiles, eyes flickering between your eyes and lips, “I would never position you in a bad light, it may taint the picture-esque image you’ve painted for him”
“You’re a cruel man, Flins” is all you could manage to say, your heart almost leaping out of your chest. This could well be the end of your time as a lightkeeper.
“You wound me with your words” he gasps, “I gave you shelter, warmth, affection… and you pierce me with a gaze like this?”
You find yourself taking a step back, hesitant as he steps closer.
“Truly, you think so lowly of me” he whispers, darker, sinister, “Young Master Illuga only holds me in the highest regard. I think, if you admire him so, you should be a little more at ease with me, no?”
Your jaw tenses with his words, you knew exactly what he meant underneath that statement – that if it ever came to it, it was his word against yours.
And his would always win.
You swallow down the nerves that bubble in your stomach - for someone you felt so safe around on a chilly night, you felt like every emergency bell was ringing loud and clear in your ears right now,
“How can I? You’re not human, are you, Mr Flins. All you’ve done is lie.”
Flins wears a look of surprise for a small moment, before smiling, he leans down, suffocatingly close, “And are you any different? This isnt the first time you've left. Its just the first time you've been caught”
You manage to swallow down what little pride you had left and let the conversation end, just like that. He was right. You were both awful people, awful, terrible liars, that only cared for their own selves.
The tension between the two of you melts away like butter, leaving you standing still and awkward, until Flins scuffles around in his thick jacket.
“I suppose we both have secrets we don’t want revealed, it’s in both our interests to look out for each other, no?” he says once more, and when you meet his gaze, you see the purple scarf he’s held in front of you.
You feel a knot of guilt unravel in your stomach as you think back to how you awoke the morning after your night with him - he had left you the scarf with a note, that he was off fishing and would be back to take you home. But you couldn't wait that long, no, you vanished the moment you woke.
“Flins” you start, your breath hitching as he steps closer to wrap the scarf around your neck.
“Mm?” He mumbles, eyes intent on wrapping it as secure and snug as he could, just like he had the first time.
“Please promise me you won’t tell him I left” you say, your voice almost trembling as your senses drown in his scent. You felt yourself grow even weaker when he brings you closer, just by the tug of the ends of the scarf.
“Of course not” he replies, curt, and yet, you look at him with determined eyes; your palms wrapping around his at the end of the scarf.
“And anything after that”
“Yes, that’s a given” Flins mutters, his eyes now focused intently on your fingers that remain wrapped around his.
“I don’t believe you still”
Flins sighs, peeling his gaze from your hands, “I am quite aware”
“You like him, don’t you?” you suddenly say and he freezes for just a moment. You don’t believe you’ve been able to see such an expression on the elder man, but he manages to settle into a softer smile, nonetheless.
“Of course I do. I like a lot of people, you should know well by now”
You shake your head, “Not like that. You don’t like anyone like that except for him. You do everything for him, don’t you?”
“You’re a smart girl” he muses, eyes delicate on yours as he speaks, but the words don’t seem to soften you as much as his gaze does “it’s no wonder the Young Master adores you”
“He doesn’t” you reply, flat, dismissive, almost. Just the very thought of your Squad Leader only made you feel worse every time. You don’t know if you’ll ever overcome the guilt, even with Mr Flins’ word.
You sigh softly, letting go of Flins and stepping back, dejected - to anyone else, it would look as if a storm cloud hovered right above you. And that’s entirely how you felt as you left. Flins’ final words fall on deaf ears.
“Seems you speak a little too soon”
chuu's note: i wanted to put this note to anyone who noticed, but illu is meant to be warm and flins is cold, complete opposites (to which i eventually wanna make a pt 2 for illu but we all know i suck at writing pt 2s). But its an interesting pair, I realised Flins eyes are yellow and Illus are purple, complete opposites of the warm/cold dynamic... so i thought why not switch them? flins who is cold but can be warm and illuga who is warm but can be cold (ahem the part 2 that will never happen)
also yes! mc does have some sort of "sixth sense" since she manages to understand flins' creepy cottage is filled w ghosts (even tho she denies it for her sanity) and also clocks that flins isnt human.
also that one moment where she goes "are you doing this?" out of NOWHERE lol - it was inspired by nikki from obsession snapping away from freaky nikki. Its intened that flins was totally making the ghouls extra rowdy to scare mc and get her more vulnerable ... yea yea toxic ik but you can totally ignore that if it doesnt suit your fancy.
anyways, i hope it wasn't too shitty I just wanted to write flins and mc in a diff dynamic cos i'm bored of the usual stuff i write for him yk :( ok by bye !!
okay I need to make a hater post on the female character designs because I can’t keep all my negativity to myself it needs to be posted into the abyss (my blog).
this design is APPALLING. I’m assuming it’s meant to be a maid costume of some sort but her panties are literally on display. And then they make her bow with her hands covering it like I KNOW what kind of feral audience you are feeding this kinda sh to hoyo you are not slick. Also she looks like an AI prompt to blend Flins and Nefer into a maid.
This character reminds me of Navia, I can already tell she’s gonna have her personality, but that’s not what I wanna focus on (her lil wings are super cute tho). OK SO, in this scene it’s SNOWING and whilst the male guards get to wear pants, apparently the women are content with booty shorts and thigh highs. ITS LITERALLY SNOWING IN THIS SCENE I CANT.
I literally thought this was Eula with a new skin. The dress is very pretty though, it reminds me of the swan lake ballet costumes.
Same boring detached sleeve and flowy cut out dress, NEXT. Hair reminds me of Lan Yan, and a bit of Luama. I like the hair accessories though, it’s v cute.
All these female designs, ALL expose their chests, shoulders and thighs like it’s the law or something - but I am so SICK of seeing this, especially for a region filled with SNOW. At this point I don’t even thing genshin are capable of respecting their female characters enough to start designing them properly. Even the tsaritsa cos hit with the mini skirt and thigh high combo and she is THE archon…
anyways.
I’ll probably rant some more later but this is it for now…
okay I need to make a hater post on the female character designs because I can’t keep all my negativity to myself it needs to be posted into the abyss (my blog).
this design is APPALLING. I’m assuming it’s meant to be a maid costume of some sort but her panties are literally on display. And then they make her bow with her hands covering it like I KNOW what kind of feral audience you are feeding this kinda sh to hoyo you are not slick. Also she looks like an AI prompt to blend Flins and Nefer into a maid.
This character reminds me of Navia, I can already tell she’s gonna have her personality, but that’s not what I wanna focus on (her lil wings are super cute tho). OK SO, in this scene it’s SNOWING and whilst the male guards get to wear pants, apparently the women are content with booty shorts and thigh highs. ITS LITERALLY SNOWING IN THIS SCENE I CANT.
I literally thought this was Eula with a new skin. The dress is very pretty though, it reminds me of the swan lake ballet costumes.
Same boring detached sleeve and flowy cut out dress, NEXT. Hair reminds me of Lan Yan, and a bit of Luama. I like the hair accessories though, it’s v cute.
All these female designs, ALL expose their chests, shoulders and thighs like it’s the law or something - but I am so SICK of seeing this, especially for a region filled with SNOW. At this point I don’t even thing genshin are capable of respecting their female characters enough to start designing them properly. Even the tsaritsa cos hit with the mini skirt and thigh high combo and she is THE archon…
anyways.
I’ll probably rant some more later but this is it for now…
just as I suspected, the women in snezhnaya have special heat tech skin that doesnt freeze in the snow so they can frollic around in their mini skirts and thigh highs!
