To my first love,
We got out of an abusive relationship what feels like forever ago. For many years we were dodging and weaving though life's obstacles learning how to be adults together. I loved you but eventually started to realize it couldn't continue like that anymore. After all the drama and pain I think you finally understood that too. Don't get me wrong, it caused us alot of heart break but it truly was for the best.
All the smiles and jokes turned into accusations and bruises. Things just got worse and worse as time went on yet I would lie and hide the evidence attempting to protect you in some weird twisted way and in the process I loosing all my friends and became withdrawn from family. There was something about you I couldn't let go of despite everything and it wasn't healthy for either of us.
I'm sorry walking away hurt you so badly, for not trying harder to work past the reoccurring issues, and even for taking the chance of being a father away from you. There were things that happened that we can never take back. At that time I was scared. I was scared of not having a way out of the horrible cycle, I was scared of losing myself, and I was scared of you. Even then I still have a hard time imagining life without you in it somewhere, we were no good as lovers but we sure as hell were great as friends.
You continuously beat yourself up for the things you did and it killed me. I forgave you so long ago and wish you nothing but the best in life. Even at that time it was very evident that under all the evil was the guy I originally knew you to be. The kind, caring, fun loving person you were when we first met has always been in there somewhere. It's bittersweet but I'm glad you get to be with someone who makes you happy, maybe even happier than you were with me and I hope she gets to see these things in you everyday. Someone your patents like and can enjoy on family trips. No more yelling, sleepless nights, physical alterations, or lies, just love.
Do I still love you? Of course and I probably always will but I'm not IN love with you. Do I regret what we had? Absolutely not. Do I miss you? Yes, you genuinely made me laugh and understood who I am as a person. I miss our friendship.
You asked me once if my partner treated me right, if he made me happy. I promise he's been nothing but good. After all I'm happily married to a loving husband with a beautiful baby boy now while you're focusing on yourself with who seems like a good woman. We both deserve someone who makes us happy and whole. I'm very proud of you with how far you've come however there are some things I want you to promise me.
Promise me you will not settle for just anyone, be sure they're all you ever wanted and more, be sure they love all of you, and please don't forget I'm here for you always. In the end you're always going to be a dear friend.
I just wanted to say thank you for being you, thank you for being my friend, thank you for everything. I wouldn't be where I am today without you.
