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⤷ ⟡ 𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 ━━ oneshot

◦ ₊ㅤ ﹙ 𝑺𝒀𝑵𝑶𝑷𝑺𝑰𝑺 ﹚In two months, Gojo will be moving away to Kyoto for Kyoto University. Freshly 19 years old, youth felt like it was slipping past your fingertips. He was the golden student at high school, surrounded by admirers and friends. The most popular student, perfect grades, smile, adored by parents and teachers... and you were the complete opposite. Failing and skipping classes, anxious in the back of the class, pitied by parents and ignored by teachers. Yet, you were somehow still best friends. You'll confess tonight, under the fireworks, and then leave before an answer. It's wrong, but your poor heart can't handle it anymore, you want to leave this world with the heaviest burden lifted.

⊹ ︵ WARNINGS ◦ ₊ㅤ ㅤ﹙ minors interact with caution, heavy heavy angst, major death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, depression, anxiety, mention of addiction, substance abuse (?), depressed reader, there isn't a happy ending, reader isn't happy at the end, no one is happy, hashtag-kms-ending ౿ ‎ ˚ MINA'S NOTES ⫽ ✿ ─ I got inspired by the people saying "I'd pull a shoya" for you, and I lauv projecting my own personal problems onto reader and gojo >_< sorry if the addiction part isn't heavily accurate, I've never had a smoking addiction so I had to improvise and relate it to stuff I've experienced. I gave up near the end so its a liddol rushed

೯ ⁺ 𖥻 WC. ᰋ 3kㅤ

It was the month of cherry blossom’s, pink pretty petals fluttering towards the ground as tourists flooded Japan to visit the festivals, students all around free from school and finally being able to relax in the sun. Birds chirping and the cycle of life repeating itself, baby birds, squirrels, beetles, frogs and alike.

You hadn’t planned to experience it. For tonight, after watching the fireworks with Satoru, you’d leave everything behind. In peace, as your body would join with the soft soil again and there would be one less mouth to feed for your parents. All of those memories, when you had first cried at home after realising you liked Satoru more than a friend, when you had laughed so hard when Satoru had accidentally snorted while eating ramen, and soon, when you would finally confess to him under the fireworks.

'Nothingness forever,' at first it sounded scary, but now it felt like the final escape.

Satoru obliviously ate his cheeseburger, feet with designer slippers resting atop of the dashboard in the old Lexus model that his parents had given him. Looking over at you with a goofy smile. “Yoummh have mmh–cheese all over your lips,” he pointed out with a sweet laugh when he swallowed mid conversation.

E/C eyes blinked at him blankly, taking in the way his eyes closed, his nose scrunched and the way his cheeks began to tint a slight pink.

“Wha–what are you looking at?” He sheepishly scratched his left cheek, eyes darting around to avoid yours before he tried to compose himself. “Hah! Is–is it because I'm just that handsome you can’t stop staring?” Relaxing back into a cocky smirk, he brushed his spare hand through silky white locks.

“You’re so pretty, Satoru,” you paused and nodded. Pursing your lips and looking away, unable to notice how his ears began to burn red and his eyes widened.

“H—huh..?” He muttered quietly before looking away and clapping his hands together, muttering prayers for the first time in his life about this day not being a dream. Soft little heart beating so fast that it might have burst, his skin becoming hyper aware of his surroundings and every little detail on his old band shirt.

Turning back to you, his lips were unable to mutter out those small words he’d wanted to ask for the past few years.

“We should probably go home and get ready now, right?” You spoke before he could.

A nervous swallow, followed by the obvious falter in his shaky smile, he agreed. Nodding eagerly, “Yeah, yeah, I mean I already had my kimono picked out for the fireworks. We had to tailor it and everything, the blue really makes my eyes pop!” His hands moved animatedly, quickly starting up the car before pointing to his eyes with that charming smile that made his dimples appear.

“Mm, mine’s borrowed from my mum. It didn’t fit me nicely on the first try but she’s really good at sewing and all, so it looks sorta newish,” you waved your hand, kissing your teeth before looking out the passenger seat window.

“Oh I’m sure it’ll look fine,” Satoru huffed and smiled over at you fondly, “you can probably borrow one of Shoko’s if anything happens, she brought a spare set with her to the apartment.” The white haired boy thought back to the apartment his parents used for viewing the new year's fireworks. They were in Cannes this time of year, leaving Satoru alone in that apartment with the chance to invite his friends.

A Japanese man, eyes weary as he sat on the busy sidewalk, his wife presumably, holding their child in her lap. The three of them dressed in all black, formal wear and all. The wife seemed to look like she was between tears of sadness and surprise, the toddler babbling on without a care.

A raven sat on a nearby tree branch. Such bad omens on a festive night.

—

“Are you not saying goodbye?”

Shoko’s question made you pause, as you were adjusting your obi and its sash. Looking up at her face while she was busy staring into the grand mirror in the living room. Her skin was smooth and soft, in her prime of life. Busy with getting accepted into medical school with a full scholarship, a relationship, and all her teenage dreams fulfilled.

“Hm? I’m not leaving forever Sho, I’m just popping out to find the spot where Suguru set up for us to watch the fireworks.”

Smacking her lips together, she hummed and nodded before passing you a bright purple lighter. Raising her eyebrows and pushing it into your hands when you didn’t accept it immediately.

“I quit smoking Sho,” you paused and glanced down at it, hands trembling a little, mouth going dry. “I know, it’s for Sugu, just give it to him, ‘kay?” She busied herself with the sleeves of her kimono.

You resorted to nervously fiddling and picking at your nails instead of focusing on the lighter in your hands. The letter you had carefully placed in the futokoro of your Kimono. The letter that detailed your special little crush on Satoru Gojo. The letter you had planned would be your last words to your best friend, the boy you could never love back.

The gravel underneath your Geta’s soon transitioned to the soft soil and grass of the hill area near the apartment complex. The sky fading a dusky orange, a few fat clouds snailing across the horizon, some robins chirping and flying past to the nearby cherry blossom trees. The air was crisp and warm, with a small waft of Taiyaki in the air from the families nearby purchasing it for their children. Your fingertips brushed against the nearby rose bush when you approached the black haired man, who was busy fanning himself with his Komaryua fan.

Kissing his teeth in the warm air, before relaxing his face when he spotted you. Waving a hand to bring you over, “Y/N! Here!”

You hummed softly and reached out, placing the lighter in his open palm, looking indifferent at the set up for the festival. A large picnic blanket on the soft grass, a small basket filled with food Suguru had prepared with his mother for the festival, and some safe small sparklers placed aside.

“Oh, right, I thought she lost it for a second,” He huffed a small, polite laugh, before smiling up at you and tilting his head to the right. “Did you come by just to drop off the lighter?” His hand reached out again to offer you a strawberry from the bento box he was already digging into.

“Ah, no, I’m gonna stay here until the fireworks now,” you and Suguru shared an understanding nod, while you accepted the strawberry from his hand.

His gaze raked over your face when you sat down, swallowing down the hard candy he had placed in his mouth moments before, and pointing to your face. “You look… a bit sick, are you okay?” His eyes bubbled with concern, tone becoming softer when the black haired man tried to lean closer and feel your forehead for your temperature.

“I–I’m okay, I've just been thinking,” you quickly shook your head and leaned away from his touch. Hands clammy and heart sickeningly fast.

“About?”

“Just… the future. What it’ll be like when Satoru goes to university, i’m hopeful we’ll get to stay friends” e/c eyes avoided his gaze, preferring to trail over the horizon on the nearby sea instead, a headache beginning to close in on your lies. Stay friends? As if. Satoru was going to be much better with you gone. Suguru and Shoko probably would forget you even existed.

“Who’s Y/N?” you could practically imagine their faces in your head, older, eyes unrecognisable. “Oh right, that one girl from high school.”

“Ahhhh, I see where you’re getting at,” Suguru nodded and sighed, leaning back on his forearms as he watched the sky slowly fade into that dark, deep blue. “I’ve been a bit scared too, I thought I wouldn’t even get into uni but I've been accepted at Oxford now! Hah! Can you imagine it? Me in a different country?”

A small hum from your lips made him look over at you and smile sweetly, “I’ll miss being at school with Shoko and Satoru– a-and you of course,” Suguru was quick to fix his little mistake. Stumbling over his words, a bitter taste left in his mouth when he clenched his fist. Hopeful you wouldn’t get upset.

“No, I understand, Satoru, Shoko and you are very close,” You nodded before continuing, “I’m not as close.”

Suguru was uncomfortable by your little remark, you could tell, he could tell you knew. Neither of you bothered to continue that awkward conversation, with your eyes glued to the sun fading into the horizon. His eyes downcast, pursing his lips, before looking up with Satoru and Shoko joined them when the sun had disappeared and the sky was dark with twinkling stars.

Gojo sat next to you, your wrists brushing against each other whenever you both moved. Shoko and Suguru sitting closely together, the black haired boy hugging himself and puckering out his lips to tease his best friend, while Shoko formed makeshift lips with her hands and made exaggerated kissing noises while mockingly looking at Satoru.

Satoru blushed and pouted, rolling his eyes before focusing on you. Letting out a shaky sigh, trying to fake his nonchalance before he cleared his throat. “Soooo.. y/n, I know the whole day we’ve all just been talking about our future this, our future that…” He trained off, looking into your eyes to see if you’d continue.

“Hm?” You hummed softly, glancing at him a little confused.

“You know.. With me moving away and all,” he shrugged, sucking in a sharp awkward breath, while you looked away and furrowed your brows a bit. You didn’t want to be reminded of that again, you just wanted to spend your last moments with him, looking at the fireworks, without a care in the world.

“Why do you have to bring that up?” You muttered, a bit more edge to your tone than you would've liked.

“No, nonoonono!” He quickly shook his head and held out his hands, pursing his lips awkwardly, “No I just–I wanted to talk more about how we could meet up, y’know? As friends!” He nodded quickly and tried to convince and unsure you. “You’ll be busy… Plus you’ll have loads more friends at your new university,” You muttered, making Satoru blink rapidly, a bit worried at your words.

Were you planning to break up the friendship?

He didn’t have time to question you, as soon the festival hosts began a countdown, and released the fireworks out into the dark night.

The colourful lights bursting out into the black sky, twinkling like stars as they faded out rhythmically. The glittery remains of the fireworks raining down on the night sky like a painting, loud crackles and booms playing out as people around you began to gasp and ‘ooo’ at the fireworks. The sky painted in dazzling lights for what you had planned to be your last night on earth.

While your eyes stayed glued to the sparkling show, Satoru’s stayed glued to your face. Watching the twinkling lights in the reflection of your eyes, an unreadable expression on his face. Yearning for your attention, before furrowing his brows slightly when he began to see tears bubble up in your waterline.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” He tried to reach out, only to have a slightly crumpled letter pushed into his hands. Confusion written all over his face.

“Don’t open it until the fireworks are over,” you sniffled and shook your head, offering no further explanation.

A silent, traitorous part of you wanted to stay with Satoru, burst into tears and just cry out all your troubles for him. Would he even listen though? Your worst nightmare was to see his face shift into an expression of disgust if you ever told him about your troubles, your crush on him, or your dangerous thoughts.

You’d rather leave the friendship without knowing his answer.

“I–i just forgot something back at the apartment, I’ll–.. I'll be back,” you sniffled, wasting no time to leave the picnic area and stumble a bit on your Geta’s leaving quickly. Hands wiping at your wet cheeks, only bursting into tears when you were too far away from Satoru for him to notice.

Satoru paused, looking confused at the crumpled letter in his hands before glancing over at an equally confused Suguru. His arm around Shoko as they both swayed slowly side to side, enjoying the fireworks. His chin jerked over to your figure disappearing behind the nearby apartment buildings, as if to say, “what happened?”

The white haired boy only shrugged, eyebrows furrowed, sighing before brushing his spare hand through his white locks. Eyes trailing back to the letter in his hands, a sinking feeling beginning to poke at his heart.

His curiosity couldn’t hold it, with trembling hands he had ripped open the letter.

“My dear Satoru,After waiting endless nights and days for a confession, for a brighter day where this traitorous feeling inside me would die, It never occurred. Now, looking back at our friendship and through the pictures of you and I, I understand why.

Satoru, oh Satoru.

Somedays I felt on top of the world, in my own bubble, listening to love songs and imagining our friendship blossoming into more. I miss those days, as now I only feel such a visceral feeling in which it feels traitorous to imagine you like that.

I love you, Satoru Gojo.

I don’t imagine you will reciprocate these feelings. Yet I can’t simply keep them locked inside me. I will forever love you, and I sincerely wished all my highschool years that you would love me back. I hope I still remain a small memory within your mind. Nothing that happens to me will ever have been your fault. This letter will be our final goodbye.

Goodbye,Y/N L/N”

Satoru’s eyes widened as he read through the letter quickly, heart beating faster, and throat closing up. His hands moving before his own mind could comprehend it, pushing himself off the blanket, stumbling over his long legs to even get up. Ignoring Suguru and Shoko’s confused glances and their offers to help him, or even accompany him back to the apartment.

Shaking his head he called out for them, “Don’t wait for me! I’m gonna find Y/N!”

–

The air on the balcony bit at your bare, soft feet. Hands clenching when you finally steadied yourself on the ledge. A nauseous feeling overtook you when your eyes finally drifted down, 10 stories down until it was just pavement and some families leaving late for the fireworks. Nobody’s eyes were up, gazing upon you.

The fireworks were loud and booming, loud sounds all around you, someone might’ve even been calling your name, but it all soon faded out of focus. You had taken a deep breath, breathed in, and out… closed your eyes… and stepped forward.

Only to be yanked by your hand, only one man’s strength away from death.

Gojo Satoru.

His breathing was all over the place, sweat dripping from his brow, clammy hands desperately holding onto your left hand. Eyes blinking rapidly as his salty warm tears dripped down his face, onto your cheeks. Nails digging into your skin, the wind picking up as you could finally hear the sounds of the fireworks again.

“P–please…” his voice hitched as he tried to squeeze his eyes shut and clear his eyes of tears, trying his best to pull you back up, while you hung limp. Eyes wide and confused, as Satoru was struggling to pull you back up, his waist pushed against the ledge of the rails on the balcony. Trying his best not to let you go, or fall down with you.

“T–that letter..” He breathed out, just loud enough for you to hear over the fireworks, “fuck, don’t you get it?” he yelled out at you, tears falling down his cheeks. “You should’ve told me instead of..” he trailed off, sucking in a sharp breath as he tried a surge of his energy to try and pull you up.

“I love you..!”

Something about his words made you finally snap out of it. Realising you were second away from dying, your hands moved subconsciously, reaching out to grip onto the ledge of the balcony. Satoru finally being able to use up his strength to pull you up, the wish growing harsher as the fireworks paused momentarily. Your breath mingled with Satoru’s when he was able to get you standing on the ledge of the balcony again.

You didn’t even get to mutter his name, watching as he used the last of his strength on you and pushed himself off the balcony in mistake. Unable to pull himself back, as he plummeted to what was meant to be your death.

It went quiet.

Until the last of the fireworks boomed, mixing in with your screams as you cried, confused on what to do. Watching his limp body so far down, and what looked like a dark liquid beginning to seep out around his body. His blood.

Satoru Gojo was announced dead 3 hours later. His future robbed, his friends left traumatised, and the love of his life left blaming herself for his death.

Maybe it would’ve gone differently, had you just been brave and confessed.

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