Today I cried a little bit because I remembered that when Beethoven conducted his ninth symphony for the first time he got a standing ovation and one of the sopranos had to turn him around to see the audience.
So you may have noticed that I don't write Hubert von Vestra as a cis man in my FE3H fics. Here's why.
Note: I am going to use she/her pronouns for Hubert for the purposes of this essay, but I think other trans femme readings like genderfluid/nonbinary femme/etc are totally valid.
Part 1: The Text
Let's talk about Hubert's advice box question about Pegasus knights, which are a gender-locked class in Fire Emblem: Three Houses. I provide here the text as localized in English by Treehouse, and the direct translation from the Japanese given by Teaspoon Translations.
English:
Despite my appearance, I have long wished to be a Pegasus Knight that I may indulge in the lofty view. Yet that dream has always seemed out of reach. Can you guess why?
Because heights make you uneasy? (Correct answer)
Because you never learned to ride a horse?
Because you're afraid?
Japanese TL:
Despite appearances, I am actually interested in Pegasus Knights. The view from up high must be very pleasant. However, it is an unattainable dream…
Because you're afraid of heights? (Correct answer)
Because you can't ride a horse?
Because you're a man?
In the original Japanese, "Because you're a man" is available as an answer, and it's true on its face: Hubert is gender-locked out of being a pegasus knight. But that's the wrong answer. The answer Hubert wants to hear is not that she can't be a pegasus knight because of being a man, but because of her fear of heights. (Gee, thanks, Treehouse, for making this less queer in English just like you do with everything in FE3H.)
What makes me so brainworms about this advice box is that you never see any indicators in any part of the game that Hubert loves Pegasus knights except in this one ANONYMOUS CHURCH CONFESSIONAL. This indicates a level of intense shame and ex-Catholic guilt about these feelings about Pegasus knights. If Hubert talked about this in any other context, it wouldn't feel remotely as trans as putting in an ANONYMOUS CONFESSIONAL IN CHURCH and nowhere else.
The other thing is that it is a form of femininity to long for that you would really not guess. Hubert doesn't want to be a witch or a sorceress, she longs to be a PEGASUS KNIGHT, despite the fact that she vocally hates chivalry. It's a vision of heroic femininity. An Ingrid figure. A Catherine figure as seen by the masses (not the reality of Catherine.)
The "despite appearances" part of this advice box absolutely kills me. It's so rare to depict this clearly that a person who looks like Hubert, a long angular cadaverous sort, as having gender dysphoria.
That is pretty clear textual support for the idea of Hubert being trans femme. Everything from here on out is subtextual.
Part 2: Poor body image
Hubert has very poor body image. She covers her entire body from the neck down at all times, and covers half of her face with her hair. Hubert consistently covers her entire body, even more so than Edelgard, who is almost certainly scarred by medical torture. If you choose Hubert to dance for the White Heron Cup, she refers to the sight of her dance as "grotesque." This also comes up in the Hubert and Bernadetta support:
Hubert hides her own smile from Bernadetta because of this self-image as a frightening ghoul. Clearly Hubert sometimes has fun scaring people, but in this support, it's a source of sorrow because she just wants to be Bernie's friend.
Part 3: "I have a role to play"
This hit me like a truck watching the Hubert and Edelgard A support in Three Hopes.
"I have a role to play as the cold, crafty, unreadable servant. I am happy with the casting, so let us leave it at that."
This is a wildly trans sentiment. This is what you tell yourself when you feel these trans feelings. I have role to play in my family/society/etc as a (man/woman). Let's just leave it at that.
And the role that Hubert has to play is a masculine role. Cold, sinister, armored, emotionless, unreadable. But it's not true that she is happy with the casting. This is a lie, and the game shows it to you. It comes up in the support chain with Bernadetta. "I am frightening. I know. I'm told so often." Hubert is sad that Bernadetta can see only this frightening facade and not a fellow human being who wants to be kind to her. Hubert expresses jealousy to Byleth that they can stand beside Edelgard as an equal. She is not happy with the casting, but tells herself that, because the alternative of finding a new role is terrifying. The role is protection. From Thales, from Edelgard's many many enemies.
Part 4: Emotional repression
This also hit me like a truck watching the Hubert and Edelgard A support.
Hubert: I have to play a role in which I repress all emotion or I will face devastating violence (from Thales and TWSITD). I am happy with this role so don't worry about it. This is not in any way a metaphor for the spiritual damage caused by needing to perform masculinity.
Consider this: the Insurrection occurred when Hubert was about 13. At that point, Thales and TWSITD became a dangerous factor in the court that Hubert had to live with. Hubert talks about fear of violence from Thales if she were to express any love or care toward Edelgard. So presumably that threat came into effect when Hubert was 13.
Before this, Hubert had some rather extravagant displays of care, love and concern for Edelgard, like the whole incident of chasing after her for days. Age 13, there started to be serious consequences of violence for expressing love and emotion.
Interesting.
This is also the age when boys start to be restricted in a tighter and tighter gender cage, at risk of violence. It's one thing for a prepubescent boy to cry and express love for his best friend. It's different for a 14 year old boy to do so. This is when Hubert really became trapped in this role of the terrifying servant with no emotions.
This continues to be the case for the whole time we see Hubert in Houses. The threat is always there, looming. When Hubert goes off to fight the slitherers in Shambhala, she is breaking the last fetters that chain her to this emotionless, icy role that she has had to play for over a decade, for her and Edelgard's sakes. I think we can argue that this is a metaphor for breaking the last chains that fetter Hubert to this masculine performance that she clearly hates. Which also often happens at the age that Hubert is at the end of Houses. I came out as non-binary at that age myself (26).
I am now really enamored with the idea that Hubert was more emotionally expressive and less of a looming goth creepsona before the Insurrection. This is a metaphor for the latitude and openness that prepubescent boys get to have before puberty ends that freedom. Then the cage descended at the Insurrection and Hubert had to live under this constant threat, and closed off, and put on the spooksona that has never felt comfortable since.
FREE HUBERT. Free Hubert from this cage of masculinity.
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