OUR LOVE IS WORTH MORE THAN A LETTER - (Chanyeol X Baekhyun)
Genre: romance, fluff, angst Word Count: 13.4k
Do you remember what it's like to feel completely free? Has any moment in your life left you so absolutely carefree that you wish you could go back?
Some wish for that high, not the kind of artificial. The kind where they listen to music, walk through the starry night, and feel completely peaceful.
I know I search this constantly. Those who search for a greater, better meaning in life then the superficial that is presented before them. Sometimes I believe I that I can truly be accepted, truly free, truly happy when these moments flood my reality.
But that's the thing, it's not reality.
"Where's Blake?" The small blonde girl asked. Her curls bounced higher than herself when she jumped to reach the counter.
The dark marble kitchen island strained at her force of trying to peer above. It strained at the heavy boy sitting atop it.
A young boy sat on this counter. Here, he hid from his younger sister. The games they played, he hoped he brought the happiness to his sibling that the world could not.
At least the world they lived in.
The dark haired, tan skinned, fiery passionate boy smirked and the pure, blonde girl continued straining to reach the top.
"Blake." She whined, drawing her syllables out. "Blake I'm scared!"
The brunette hopped downwards, his soles slamming into the hard, wooden floor. He brushed himself off, straightening his auburn colored shirt. "You're not scared, there's not but a single reason for you to be scared."
He walked away quickly, swaying his hips to the light music playing in the background. It swam throughout the house, filling it with smooth words and hard beats. The words not understandable.
He spun many times, his hair swinging with him in time to the lyrics. He hummed the tune to himself, for the lyrics he did not know.
The blonde followed behind quickly. "Blake I'm hungry now."
Blake bent downwards, his soft hands snaking up the younger's face. He pushed her cheeks together, a silly expression appearing.
He smiled into the young girl's eyes. His head tilted slightly as he pondered. "What would you like to eat Cher?"
That night, Blake feared the moment Jisoo arrived home.
He never referred to her as his own mother. In his mind, she wasn't anything a mother should be.
Cher laid in her bed, almost asleep, eyes fluttering. Blake sat on the old couch. The small television flickered before him. Mindless news played.
A topic of war politics played. Jisoo unlocked the door, it clicked as she turned the nob. The door opened quietly, and Blake wouldn't have known she was there hadn't been for her heels.
"When will there be any peace?" Blake whispered. "Excuse me?" Jisoo asked, stumbling into the living room. There was a step down from the foyer. She missed it. As usual.
Blake sighed as he turned off the war show. "Nothing."
He turned to face his drunken mother, who had crashed into the small recliner. One of her black heels were broken, her netted leggings ripped in various locations, short skirt pulled up even shorter, and shirt buttoned down further than it should have been.
"How was "work"?" Blake asked in a sarcastic tone.
Jisoo made gagging noises as she leaned over the recliner. "If you vomit, I'm not cleaning it."
He stepped over the struggling figure, reaching into her shirt. He fumbled with the red laced bra. Inside was a small wad of money.
"I'll be takin' care of this." Blake stated. He began exiting the room. Jisoo whipped her body around, using the recliner as leverage. She stretched her arm out.
"No! Please don't! I need it!" She screeched, drawing out her syllables just like the girl decades younger than her.
"No." The brunette said, turning around slowly. He faced his mother, looking her straight in the eyes. "We need it." He yelled louder than intended. He pointed to himself, his thumb stabbing his chest.
"Mother?" And there was silence.
"Mom?" And there was more silence.
The young boy placed his bag on the hook that stayed attached to the wall near the front door. He kicked off his shoes.
"I’m home." He said in his native tongue. But there was still silence.
He walked slowly through the house, feeling his way through the slight darkness. He was not yet fully familiar with his new home.
"Mom?" He yelled louder, again in native tongue. But there was more silence.
He kicked open the door to his room and placed himself on his bed. The futon bounced beneath his weight upon landing. Miniscule particles of dust rose from the blankets and became visible in the small streak of light coming from the single window of the room.
He stared back up at the ceiling. He ran over his vocabulary learned only some one hour ago. He could barely remember the words.
He wasn't even sure how he had retained English at all. He convinced himself he was too stupid. And his mother helped.
"Yeol? Are you home?" The woman yelled in Korean.
A small clicking noise of flat shoes danced through the halls. The sounds progressively became louder. And louder.
The short, thin, and wrinkled woman rounded the doorway corner. Her eyes hung low, bags prominent beneath them. Her hair was in a frizz, unable to be told if in a bun or not.
She rubbed her eyes, letting the small amount of sunlight in the room adjust. It was dark everywhere else in the house.
"How was school?" She asked.
The boy flipped himself over from lying on his back. He now laid out on his stomach, elbows propped up in front of him. He faced his mother.
"It was fine." Was all he stated. She rolled her eyes at him as she folded her arms in discontent.
"Yah! Why don't you answer me properly? How was your school? Did you learn? Did you make friends? Did you have fun?" She asked in an angry tone. Her voice was almost that of a yell.
"Eh, eh mother! I did fine! I learn every day."
The woman unfolded her arms. She pushed herself off the doorway she was leaning on, and slowly made her way to her son. Her arms slithered around his neck as she sank into the mattress.
"You'll make friends eventually." She soothed, her nose nestled behind his ear.
Chanyeol closed his eyes. He took deep breathes, enjoying the moment. His mother hardly ever touched him in a compassionate way. She rarely spoke to him out of concern.
She must have been quite sober, and in quite a good mood.
Yeol breathed heavily, unwrapping her arms. He sat up, crossing his legs over each other. He faced his door instead of his mother, who sat at his side, facing him.
His fingers crawled their way across his sheets, meeting his mother's hand. Her fingers instantly intertwined with his.
"I'll be okay mother. I promise." She nodded silently next to him.
There are exactly twenty-one and a half squares of sidewalk between Blake's house, and his bus stop.
The lines that separate each slab of concrete, represent a new square. He counts them every day as he walks.
Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty.
He was about to take another step, when an unfamiliar shoe stood in his way. The shoes were strangely designed, and an ugly gray color.
"Twenty o-!" He stopped. His movement came to a halt as he looked at the shoe. He didn't move for many seconds.
"Am I in way?" A small, quiet voice asked.
The shoes shuffled back a little.
Blake and Cher were typically the first ones to arrive at the stop. To see others was rare. And those who were ever early were their neighbors. But they always sat on the curb.
Blake finally looked up, seeing the unfamiliar face. The large boy continued shuffling backwards as he looked. Stunned.
"I'm Chanyeol. I'm new." He spoke. His hand was outstretched, palms and fingers opened.
Blake straightened his body up from its slightly hunched position. His hands were sweaty as the humid air surrounded them both and locus hummed in the distant trees.
He wiped his hands on his pants.
"Um. Blake. I'm Baekhyun. Technically." He said back. His hand touched the other boy's as they gave each other a firm shake. Yeol was surprised by his strength.
Their hands slowly slid out of each other's, their grips loosening. "Nice to meet you." He stated his easily learned, standard, typical greeting. His head bowed slightly out of habit.
"You too." Was all that was replied.
Blake swung his right leg around, bouncing to face the street. He gripped his bag straps tightly.
The morning was lit only by the small amount of blue sunlight to their left, along with the yellow street lights. The street was pitch black in the dim lighting, and the houses around were all dark.
There was a light breeze in contrast to the disgustingly humid air. Locus buzzed in the background. And there was a slight smell of rain, though no clouds were yet visible.
"Where do you live?" Yeol asked him. He was nervous talking to someone new. And someone so attractive.
He knew English, but not like native speakers did. He messed up occasionally, and often his accent made him sound funny.
Blake looked at him for a second before turning back to his right, from the direction he came. He raised his hand in a point.
"The brown house next to the green one. The one with the chairs on the porch." His finger danced around the silhouette of his house while the other boy watched him.
His tanned skin and dark, messy hair was amazing to him. His ethnicity was clearly Asian, but his complexion was much darker than that of normal. He liked his skin.
In Korea, beauty was pale as possible. Simple skin care products always had whitening agents.
But Blake. His skin was so flawless and tan. The dark dazzled him. He was littered with freckles around the face and limbs. They made him even more cute to Yeol.
To him, he was the most attractive person he'd ever seen.
Blake spun back around, facing Yeol. "What about you?" He asked casually, unaware of the dazed boy.
"Uh. The grey house there." Yeol said nodding across the street. Directly in front of them.
"Ah I see, I see. There used to be an elder lady that lived there. She died and her son moved in for a little while to fix up the house. Been on sale for only about a month. Can't believe you're already moved in."
Yeol looked at him, stunned.
"Don't worry it's not haunted or anything. She died on vacation in Cambodia." He tried to reassure the worry-faced boy.
There was an awkward silence from then on between the teens. Others started to pour in to the small area, waiting for their ride to school. Yeol looked uncomfortable amid the large crowd that began forming. He shuffled his way to the back, avoiding everybody.
"Is this your first day of school?" Blake whispered to him. Yeol shook his head.
"My mom took me yesterday. She wanted to talk with principle."
"Oh okay." Blake nudged him a little. "You know..." he continued whispering. "On this bus, I'm the big kid. I always get the back two seats. You can sit there with me."
Yeol turned his head to the left, looking down at the eyes peering back at him through a black mess. He winked. And Yeol stopped breathing for a second.
And they did ride together. Blake in one back seat, Yeol in the other. They continued their awkward conversation. They tried to know each other better.
The entire day, Yeol stuck close to Blake. They didn't have all classes together, but there were some. They even had the same lunch.
Blake introduced him to his friends at his table.
"Guys! This is a new kid! His name is Yeol and he's from..." Blake had spun around, giving him a questioning look. "Korea." He mouthed back. "Korea!" He yelled while spinning back around.
Everyone at the table loved him. They accepted him. And it was the first time in a long time for him.
They walked home together, the two boys blossoming a friendship in a matter of hours.
"Uh thanks." Yeol said hesitantly. "For… today." Blake kicked measly pebbles out of his way and into the grass. "No problem." He casually returned.
They stopped at their normal bus stop from the morning. Their stop was different in the afternoons.
"How about I come meet your parents. Y'know, new neighbor thing?" Blake suggested. Yeol quickly denied the offer.
"No, no. My mother is not home now."
"He died when I was young."
"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
Yeol waved one of his hands. "It's alright." He assured the smaller boy.
Blake sighed, heightening himself on his toes. He pulled at his bag straps, straining it. "How about my house then?" Yeol looked back at him, in complete shock anyone would voluntarily invite them into their home. "Really?"
"Yeah. You can meet my little sister, Cher. Her days end earlier than ours, so she's home already."
"Okay." Yeol replied in a nervous tone.
That night, a young, innocent, blonde girl fell in love with a giant. His large hands and feet deemed him uncoordinated, making him all the more fun to play with. His deep brown eyes made him appear so soft and kind. He was silent, gentle, and kind to the young girl. She played and played with him. During the occasional break where Blake suggested to do homework, or eat, she became utterly jealous.
And perhaps a young boy also began to fall for a giant.
"Can you come to my house after school to do homework?" Blake asked the taller boy. The giant's shoulders moved up and down, shrugging in response. "I will ask my mom." Was all he responded.
That night he had ate cautiously, trying not to disturb his mother who sat drinking away on the couch.
"I'm going to study after school with a friend." Was all he had mentioned while scraping the remains of his food into the trash can. She grunted in response, not registering a single word the boy uttered.
And that's how Byun Baekhyun and Park Chanyeol became best friends who never spent time apart.
Several months had passed. They had finished homework every day, in a small amount of time. The rest was spent playing stupid games with Cher, eating snacks they baked, and music.
Park Chanyeol was incredibly talented at playing the guitar. And Yeol could say that Blake was even more talented than himself.
Blake could sing beautifully. His high notes were smoother than that of female singers. His soft features glistened as he moved, the silk-like words flowing out of his mouth.
Yeol watched him sing every time, occasionally distracting him from playing. He'd stop mid song.
"What's wrong?" Blake would ask, worried he'd messed up a lyric or tune.
"It nothing." And Yeol would wave it off, suggesting something was just on his mind. And it was Blake.
School was nearing its end.
The two boys had never spent any time apart.
They're schedules were relatively similar, with only three class differences. They sat together at lunch. After school, Yeol would always stay at Blake's house for as long as excusably possible. On the nights when Yeol's mom was so drunk to even realize his disappearance, and Blake's wasn't home, he would spend the night.
But as finals had arrived, seeing each other had become scarce the last month of school.
Yeol still visited Blake's to do homework. But they're extra time after was spent studying for their stressful exams. And Yeol never stayed as late as he had, or spent the night anymore. He tried to retain as much sleep as he could.
Both boys secretly longed for the other to be with himself. They missed being around each other as constantly as before.
"I'm glad tomorrow's the last day of school." Blake sighed as he threw his body back against his bed. The mattress dipped from his sudden weight, and sprung back up.
Yeol sat in Blake's desk chair, his legs up on the desk. He nodded in agreement.
"I am more glad the last exam was today." Yeol replied, his accent breaking through towards the end of his sentence. He hid his face with his hands, embarrassed.
"Hey..." Blake grunted, propping himself up with his elbows behind him. "It's okay. You're not native in English. You don't need to be embarrassed around me, Yeol."
The tall boy refused to let his hands down. He took a large, long deep breath. He wanted so badly to sound native. He was so frustrated with his skills thus far.
Blake shifted, slightly rolling his eyes to himself. He pushed off the bed quietly and tiptoed his way to the giant.
His hand reluctantly extended, touching Yeol's silvery dyed hair. The taller flinched away, his hands suddenly dropping. He looked startled, but his shocked features quickly faded to content.
His eyes slowly fluttered shut. His head rolled back ever so slightly as he exhaled.
"I'm sorry." Was all he said.
Blake continued messing his hair, pulling strands where they didn't normally belong. The taller's hair was soon the equivalent of a rough night's sleep. His face was almost the same state.
"You look tired." Blake stated more than questioning as his hand slid back down to his side. Yeol opened his eyes at the lost contact.
He only shrugged. His responses were limited this night.
Blake flung his body dramatically unto his bed again. The mattress, again, strained from his weight. He grunted into the sheets.
Yeol shifted, removing his legs off the desk and faced it. He flipped open the small laptop that laid there. It came to life, the bright blue screen flashing before him. A small welcome screen was passed with an entrance of a picture. The computer's wallpaper was green.
The bright color of the leaves reflected off his face. The small area of grey caught his eye in the corner. A stream filled with rocks portrayed in high definition.
And two boys smiling sat in the middle. One held the camera, holding two fingers near his eye, the other smiling widely.
Yeol studied the picture, remembering the date.
"Jesus Christ don't break your legs." Yeol grunted as the shorter shouted at him from across the stream.
His long legs twisted. "Are you sure that this...is a good idea?" Yeol yelled back, trying his best to regain balance on the moss-covered rocks. Blake spun around, nearly losing his grip and falling in the icy waters. "Of course!" He shouted again.
Yeol watched the boy skip between rocks, confidently balancing and making his way downstream. He questioned his decisions as he nearly slipped for the fifth time on a single rock.
But he always followed Blake.
Then suddenly things had happened so fast.
And the shorter spun quickly, never being called by his full, real name. "Yeol?" He yelled back, not spotting the tall boy immediately. Soon the grey haired giant appeared from behind a cluster of rocks. He flailed back and forth, struggling and grunting. Blake laughed.
"Aish I'm coming!" He yelled, skipping backwards through the rocks. He neared Yeol's flailing presence.
Their hands quickly made contact as the shorter pulled upwards. He strained at the weight that he could not compare to. "Ugh why couldn't you get up yourself." He grunted, frustrated as Yeol finally regained his balance. The taller shook off what water he could manage.
"It was slippery." Yeol admitted. Blake scoffed at him. "And the water is so cold."
"It's not yet summer." Blake replied, making his way back downstream from where he was, prior the falling incident. This time he moved slower, aware of the other boy's movements.
They spent several hours traveling along the stream. They had no destination is desire. They only sought out to enjoy the Sunday to their lone selves.
Nearing the end of their path, they had reached a small waterfall.
"Waterfall?" Yeol asked, listening to the rushing water just ever so slightly ahead. Blake shook his head. "This stream is too small and shallow." He continued to skip haphazardly over the mossy rocks. "A small bit of falling water over some boulders at best."
Blake had pulled out a small camera, one nearly unrecognizable today. A blue Polaroid. A fossil in Yeol's eyes compared to their cell phone cameras.
"A camera?" Yeol asked, shifting onto the same large rock Blake was resting upon.
Blake nodded, switching out the film. He pointed the camera at his worn, blue converse. The device snapped at them before a black strip was ejected. Blake gripped the small picture and shook it. He grunted, waiting for the small image to appear on the film. Yeol watched in silence, amazed at the old device.
"Ah!" He finally vocalized as the small outline of two feet appeared. Blake shook the picture faster. "Okay." He sighed of relief. "It works." Blake threw the small picture to his left, letting it fly off his fingertips. It landed somewhere in the stream, floating slowly away.
"Channie...come stand by me." Blake beckoned, his hands waving. The taller moved cautiously until he was parallel with the smaller.
Blake held the camera up, high above is head in his right hand. "A picture of us?" Yeol asked. Blake nodded before nudging him in the side with his forceful elbow. "Yes. Now smile."
And with a quick snap, the memory of two boys walking along the stream was captured. One with two fingers near his eye, the other smiling widely.
A warm feeling flooded the silver haired, tall, foreign boy.
He had never felt such content than in those simple little moments. Looking back on the memories, they reminded him of a certain feeling. A feeling of which he desired, but only came in short flashes. They were gone before he could even realize what he felt for that second.
With Blake, the memories that came back often brought this feeling. It lasted longer. It felt better. He wanted to grasp the feelings, touch them, and hold onto them for as long as possible.
"What are you using the computer for?"
"Uh just checking if any final grades are posted yet.” Blake nearly snorted on the bed. “The last exam was just five hours ago, Yeol.” His sarcastic and mocking tone slightly annoying the taller.
There was a sudden squeaking of wheels, a thumping of something hard hitting the carpeted floor, and the screams from a boy who sounded like a small girl.
The squeals filled his room as he was dragged unto the floor. His arms were locked in the others’. The sheets covering over the bed were dragged into balled mess on the edge of the mattress. A pair of long, gangly legs reached higher than the bed as the giant hit the floor. The smaller boy was pulled down.
More squeals erupted along with giggles. A deep-toned laugh mixed harmoniously with the lighter tones.
A mess of limbs wrestled as the taller’s objective to disturb Blake.
A loud screaming filled the room as an even higher pitched voice yelled.
“Enough! It is late! Chanyeol, go home!” Jisoo yelled from the hallway. Her agitation could be felt through the closed bedroom door. Moments later, a door slammed shut in the distant hallway.
The two boys, who were now laying side by side, turned to look at each other. Within seconds, giggles erupted from both.
Blake’s face had contorted slightly, trying to refrain from making more noise. Yeol, likewise, only snickered quietly. It wasn’t until Yeol snorted ever so slightly that the two burst into laughter yet again. This time, Blake trying his best not to anger his mother.
It took several seconds, nearly a whole minute, for the two to settle down. Yeol sighed. Blake whispered “Yeah” in agreement so quietly.
Blake never stopped looking at Yeol as the taller turned his attention to the white ceiling above. He admired his sculpted jawline and rough cheekbones, the opposite of his own small, squishy face.
“Guess I should walk back.”
“Or you could not.” Was suggested.
Yeol turned his face back to meet the smaller’s. Their gazes met again.
The giant could feel his face heat in various places. His hand began to fidget at his sides as his nerves failed him. His entire lower half began to curl up, as he slowly moved his legs into an almost crossed position. He dug his fingers into the smooth carpet, his palms rubbed quickly, but quiet where Blake wouldn’t notice. He took deep breaths as slowly as possible to cool himself down.
He tried his hardest to maintain his composure so Blake wouldn’t notice him. Meanwhile, Blake was struggling with his own issues. He wouldn’t have noticed Yeol anyways.
Blake’s eyes were almost like stars to Chanyeol.
They slightly glistened in light coming from ceiling. They were small in size, so rounded and so cute to Yeol. All the while being so big in their crave for knowledge and adventure. Blake beamed at him, while he studied Blake.
There was tension indescribable. One of where both were unsure what to do next. And the louder growing crickets outside added an ambiance that wasn’t making the mood any easier on the two.
Yeol inhaled sharply, wanting to relive himself of the pressure. Blake had somehow grown slightly closer in the time span. Some simple seconds had felt like minutes, however cliché that was in Chanyeol’s mind, it was true.
He quickly stood up after inhaling the deep breath.
He leaned down to the corner of the desk, reaching for his bag. “I should go now before your mom doesn’t let me over again.” He slung the should strap over only one of his wide shoulders. He stood up slowly, afraid of facing the other boy.
Nevertheless, he did. He turned to Blake, who was still sprawled about on the floor. His head was propped up by one arm whose elbow rested against the carpet.
“Uh. See you tomorrow at school.” Was all he said, quickly, before making a straight line for the bedroom door.
Before he could turn the knob all the way, Blake spoke.
“Yeah. Last day should be nice.”
Yeol looked back at him, anticipating to nod in agreement before exiting. Instead, he was greeted by a wink and slight tilt of the shorter’s head. He gulped shallowly, where Blake could not hear. And with that, he finished twisting the knob, and exited his room. He exhaled as the door closed behind him.
The supposed leader of their group shouted. "So what's the plan for junior year summer?" His arms flailed extravagantly, excited for the response of his companions.
The bright red haired girl raised her hand. Her fist shooting into the air before anyone else could respond to the question. "I'm going to Hawaii the end of June!" She shouted. Everyone else groaned in envy. She smirked as some of the kids patted her on the back and snuck in a "congrats."
Each kid at the table had screamed out an answer. Each excited to end the current school year. Even Blake had jumped up, shouting about how he was going to visit his great grandparents in China.
"What about you, Yeol?" The red headed girl asked. Her hand slightly touched his on the table as she leaned her head to see into his view. His gaze, which had been previously locked on the food tray before him, snapped up.
"What?" He asked quietly before realizing the girl's face was inches from his. Her hand continued to brush by his ever so slightly as she still peered from his left side. "What are you doing this summer?" She repeated the question.
"Oh. Uh." He looked over at Blake who had his gaze, which was more of a glare, set on the ginger. "I'm going to visit...family and friends in my hometown. In Busan." He stated. Everyone around nodded. As if an expected answer.
Yeol sighed of relief as everyone else's attention shifted to gossip about another student. The girl's hand left Yeol's. She scooted away and directed her attention to the table's discussion.
Yet Blake's attention never drifted from the girl as he watched her. He watched her every movement, like the ones that included fixing her own hair compulsively. But only on the side that faced Yeol.
Blake kicked pebbles out of his way, as he always seemed to do. He always watched the ground where ever he walked, as if out of habit. Although, he occasionally regretted missing the scenery around him.
"I think Rose has a crush on you." Blake giggled in a teasing tone. He elongated his syllables, sounding childish.
Yeol scoffed, almost snorting at the shorter who skipped along in front of him. A small rock flew back at his feet. "What are you even saying." The giant's grip on his bag straps tightened.
Blake came to a complete, and sudden, stop. Yeol could almost feel Blake's eyes rolling before he ever saw it.
Blake spun around slowly, and dramatically, on one foot. He stomped the other on the concrete when he faced frontal to the giant. His eyes were straining at the top of his head the entire time.
"Are you serious." Blake asked in one of his more rude tones. His head dropped a little as he raised an eyebrow, looking slightly threatening. Yeol bounced his shoulders up and down slowly. "I don-"
"Oh it's obvious!" The shorter yelled as he spun back to his original direction quickly. He had returned to his normal walking pace within seconds, as if he had never turned.
"She touches you. She gets close. She whispers to you and you only sometimes. I mean." He kicked another pebble into a neighbor's yard. "It's clear."
In the slight distance, Cher waved frantically at both boys. Blake raised his arm, greeting her back. Yeol only nodded in her direction.
“Happy summer!” The young girl yelled as the boys arrived on the porch. Her brother picked her up swiftly, and began to swing her in circles. “Aish, Cher! How much have you been eating lately?” She giggled as the boy teased her. The taller watched, careful not to get in the spinning duos’ way.
Finally, Blake had set her down. He faced the door, ignoring Cher and heading inside. The girl grew dizzy upon regaining balance on the porch. Her steps stumbled backward.
Yeol quickly moved behind Blake, who was, in fact, unaware of what was happening. The giant reached out his arm, hooking it around the girl’s. He pulled upward, opposing with her stumbling force. He was able to re-stable the girl just as Blake closed the door behind him.
Cher’s eyes grew wide as she stared into Chanyeol. “Thanks for catching me. I almost died!” She joked dramatically. Yeol laughed, his shoulders bouncing. “Now you have to pay me back.” He said with a wink.
She giggled before lowering herself from her stance on her toes. Her arms slid down out of Chanyeol’s. Her giggles began slowly fading. She started studying the giant.
“Did you fall?” She asked. Yeol looked at her. “What?” She began rubbing small circles on the boy’s forearm when he flinched, involuntarily. “You’re hurt.” She said cheerfully, as if her intentions were to fix him. Her circles stopped. “You’ve got bruises all over here!” She exclaimed. Her statement was more for him than her own self-realization.
Chanyeol quickly retracted the arm she didn’t hold in her hands. With that hand, he pulled down the sleeve of his sweatshirt. The marks were soon covered and Cher’s grip dropped.
“Let’s go get a snack. Yeah?” He asked in a light tone, trying to advert her attention. Yeol took a step towards the door and laid a hand on the knob. He twisted it, squeaking the heavy brown door open.
“About time!” Blake yelled from where they could not see him. Another voice followed. “Come eat!” Jisoo shouted. Yeol and Cher entered the kitchen after he had set his bag near the door where they also had kicked off their shoes.
“Yeol?” Jisoo asked, slightly tipping her head and peering from the side. Such as Rose had done earlier. The tall boy flipped his hood back, revealing more of his face. The woman laughed. “Ah okay. I couldn’t recognize you.” She hit his arm playfully.
“Yeah aren’t you like, hot in that anyways?” The shorter boy asked from across the kitchen.
Chanyeol only shrugged, not wanting to bring much attention to the situation. “Not really.”
That night Blake’s mom had made several baked foods. Ranging anywhere from cookies, to cupcakes, to bread rolls.
She stated that it was for Cher’s girl scout meeting. Although Blake knew his mom loved to bake, to create new foods. “Why don’t you run a bakery or something?” Blake had once asked. But his mother could never commit to anything. She had her excuses.
The two boys sat in Blake’s all too familiar room, eating from the absurdly large plate of snacks before them. The laptop screen flashed before them, playing a low-budget horror movie. It appeared to be from the eighties.
“Rose is having a party tomorrow.” Blake blurted out of nowhere. Yeol’s refused to shift his attention from the screen. “I mean, I figured you’d want to go since she’s a good friend of ours.” Yeol still stared at the flashing lights, blank faced. “And since you two have this little thing going.”
That’s when the lights stopped suddenly as Yeol slammed his fist onto the spacebar key. The movie paused mid someone having their arm sawed off.
“I do not like Rose.” He folded his arms. “And Rose does not like me.”
Blake rolled his eyes. “Yeah okay.” He mocked in a heavily sarcastic tone. Yeol turned to face him. “Look.” Blake purposely turned his head, as if to annoy the giant more.
“I like someone else you jerk.” Yeol quickly turned back to the laptop. His eyes were wide, face flushed. Grateful it was too dark for Blake to see his red, he attempted to cool himself down.
Meanwhile, Blake had slowly turned to face the taller boy. His eyes also wide.
“Oh really?” He asked, gulping and nervous at the answer.
“Who?” Blake asked, suddenly changing his tone to enthusiastic to try and make Yeol feel more comfortable to tell him. He hopped in front of the screen, pushing the laptop back with his toes. Yeol averted his eyes, refusing to make eye contact. He shook his head in a violent way.
“Aw, come on!” The bouncy boy nearly yelled, prying at the stiller one. “Just.” Yeol started. Blake leaned forward, listening closer. “Someone else at our table. Other than Rose.” And that was all he said.
Blake’s eyes dropped to the carpet beneath them. “Oh.”
There was a silence for several minutes. The movie had resorted back to its menu screen from being untouched for so long. There was no noise from outside the hall as Cher had gone to sleep and Jisoo had gone to “work.”
Blake was the first to speak.
“Uh. I want to sleep in tomorrow being the first day and all. So maybe you can spend the night tomorrow instead.” Blake said in an unsure tone. Yeol knew he was uncomfortable. Blake was always allowed to have him over, there was no “maybe.”
Nonetheless, Yeol stood and began gathering his things. “See you later.” Was all he whispered, as awkward as it was.
And he left, leaving behind a broken Blake.
Chanyeol didn’t spend the night after that for almost the entire month of June. For what was expected to be a summer full of each other, it was the complete opposite.
Chanyeol avoided sleeping over at Blake’s house for the rest of that week. His awkwardness prevented him. Perhaps Blake caught on, because neither made an effort to see one another. Blake’s reason, however, was different. He was too upset to see Yeol again for the week.
The following week, Blake was scheduled to leave for China.
No matter the way Jisoo earned her measly amounts of money, Blake’s great grandparents always funded them. Being abandoned by her parents, Blake’s great grandparents felt a caretaking responsibility towards Jisoo.
They paid for their plane tickets, hotel costs, and things like extra food. Or that little Chinese plush toy Blake would always get for Cher.
Yeol, not having a cell phone of his own, checked his mother’s laptop frequently. Blake had emailed him the following Tuesday from their awkward event.
“Going to Shanghai this week. Leaving tomorrow morning. Figured id let you know why I wont be around until next Friday lol. I’ll email you when I arrive and when im leaving. There will be plenty of pictures when I return. Prepare yourself, Park Chanyeol. ;)
PS – don’t miss me too much, Channie”
Yeol blinked at the screen in awe. He wondered why he didn’t suck it up, and go visit Blake earlier. Now he would have to wait almost a month before seeing the boy again.
“Thanks for telling me. Going back to Busan to visit some friends two days before your coming back. Won’t be back until June 30. Sorry I didnt come before you leave we wont see each other for a long time now. I’ll email you too.
PS – I would never miss you Byun Baekhyun”
From that point on to the end of June, the two boys never saw each other.
Blake sent many pictures over email. They included everything from his signature peace-signed selfies, to candid moments of Cher, to the beautiful scenery. Yeol had replied a unique response to each.
Yeol hardly sent pictures of his own. Two throughout the entire trip. His emails were long, descriptive paragraphs written in their own style of broken English. Blake found this adorable. The paragraph described his day and painted his emotions.
Blake was the first to arrive back to their small town in Indiana. His excessive pictures to Yeol had ceased, but Yeol’s descriptive days in text form flowed in every morning.
When Yeol’s days were coming to an end, Blake’s were beginning. He had actually woken himself up earlier than a normal summer time to read the giant’s emails. Occasionally, when on at the same time, they would live chat back and forth. It felt more real and more natural that way. Rather than one sided conversations.
Blake would fill his free time with other friends of their group. But nothing could fill the strange emptiness in his body. A kind foreign to himself.
What he didn’t know was how Yeol was feeling half way around the world.
There was a stinging feeling rather than an emptiness. Chanyeol felt like he was repeating simple motions, a glazed layer covering his eyes as he went. His days seemed to drag. There was an endless stuck feeling.
He missed Blake’s slight touches and awful jokes. His light flirting with winks and smirks. The way they wasted time together, even when it felt like he was never wasting time with Blake.
He had his high moments with Blake. The times they took pictures in places they shouldn’t, the times they chased Cher around the backyard with insects, even the times when did their best to contain their giggles while being scolded by Jisoo for waking Cher. Although, the young girl never complained. She loved the two together, having grown a fondness for the gentle giant.
Cher was like the younger sister he never had. And Blake was the boy he fell in love with.
Park Chanyeol first admitted to himself that he had fallen in love with Byun Baekhyun when he cried at the stinging feeling one night in Korea. The one night that Blake did not reply.
The next time Blake saw Yeol, there was a new addition.
Yeol had yelled that he was coming when Blake pounded heavily, but enthusiastically, on his door. It took a long amount of time for the boy to reach his door. Longer than it should have.
The thumping footsteps were louder than usual as they slowly approached. When the door finally swung open, it made sense to Blake.
Around Yeol’s left foot was a large, black object.
It wrapped around his calf, going up almost half way towards his knee. It fit his foot like a shoe. A large and bulky shoe. Blake’s attention was immediately drawn to it. And it didn’t leave it.
Chanyeol had cleared his throat slightly. “Uh. Hey.” Was all he greeted. Blake’s gaze shifted to Yeol’s, but his thoughts were still focused on the injury.
“Really?” Blake rolled his eyes.
The ever so recognizable gesture Yeol loved all too much.
“That’s the lame, half effort greeting I get?” He tapped the toe of his shoe on the concrete of Yeol’s porch. “After all this time huh?” Yeol responded with an eye roll of his own. Although he might argue, it wasn’t nearly as extravagant or enjoyable as Blake’s.
Mid eye roll, Yeol’s arms had extended. He reached for Blake’s shoulders. All the while, Blake had sat motionless, unsure of what was happening. And he didn’t know what to do when Yeol’s hands contacted his shoulders.
The giant pulled him closer, while scooting near. Blake let his legs shuffle slowly, in a trudge, towards Yeol. He allowed the giant to pull him into contact.
Yeol’s arms wrapped around the upper arms of Blake. His chin rested slightly on the shorter’s head. Blake was unsure of what to do with his hands. Settling for the easiest, and least awkward, option, he wrapped his own arms around Chanyeol’s waist. His small height compared to the taller only allowed him to hold onto his torso, just above the waist line.
“You’re so short.” Yeol teased, his shoulders slightly moving at his strained attempts not to laugh. Blake grunted against his stomach. His face was resting against the taller, turned to the left.
“Thanks, cripple.” Blake joked back, throwing in his own venomous humor.
Chanyeol only sighed at the comment, leaving the two in silence. And the silence lasted longer than it perhaps should have. Blake kept the right side of his face resting against Yeol. Meanwhile, Yeol having taken comfort on the hairs of Blake. The soft, messy, black locks tickled his face.
Blake was the first to retract, as his arms slid down from the giant’s back, and down by his sides. Yeol slowly lifted his head off Blake in response.
“What’s with the boot?” Blake asked as the other began shifting back. His hands remained on the smaller’s shoulders until he was stable on his own. Blake’s attention and gaze shifted to the boot. His finger rose, pointing at the object as if an emphasis for Yeol to respond.
Yeol stared back at the shorter boy. His response was hesitant.
"Well. I'm the world's biggest kl.." There was a moment when he searched to continue his sentence. He threw his hands around trying to find the word. "Kl.." He continued to stutter.
"Klutz." Blake said in an affirmative voice. "Yeah." He sighed a little. "I'm the biggest klutz."
"I had a accident at the airport. We were leaving and I slipped on the ramp. It was raining." Yeol laughed at himself, releasing a breathy sigh. Blake only nodded along.
"Chanyeol-Ah!" A loud scream from a female voice rang out through the opened doorway. The following string of words Blake could not understand. The woman yelled in Korean. She spoke quickly and angrily. Her tone was low, her voice raspy.
Chanyeol only rolled his eyes at the sound of the screeching woman.
"Yah, yah!" He yelled back. His tone was just as strong as the woman's, their fiery roots coming to life.
Yeol yelled back in Korean. Blake could only watch as the taller's mouth moved quickly, eliciting a long list of syllables he could not understand. However, it dazed the shorter.
Listening to Yeol speak in his native language for the first time was overwhelming. He was confused and amazed. Speaking multiple languages was something Blake had aspired to do, and Yeol had done it. To say the least, Blake found this extremely attractive. He appreciated intelligence.
Yeol had finally quit yelling. There were mutters coming from the house as the woman spoke to herself angrily.
"Sorry." Yeol said, bowing his head slightly. Blake waved a hand in response, their two cultural backgrounds mixing. "Don't worry about it." He leaned against the porch column. "What was that about anyway?"
Before Chanyeol had anytime to reply, the short, stocky woman appears behind him. She smacked the small of his back, enough to leave a slight ting.
Yeol flinched more than he should have for such a small gesture.
"Eh eh get inside." She growled. Her English was even more accented than Yeol's, Blake gathered. Chanyeol slowly spun around, obeying the woman's rules. She grabbed by the ear between her long, fake nails. She dragged him along beside her, backing into the house.
"Hello Baekhyun-Ah." She greeted, bowing her head. Her grip remained persistent on Yeol. Blake nodded slightly at her. He was unsure of how to handle greeting her in this situation.
The door slammed shut by the force of the woman's foot before he could say or do anything else.
From: Blake ( ^ω^ ) - "Dude. what's with your mom"
From: Chanyeolㅎ - "what?"
From: Blake ( ^ω^ ) - "I mean she literally dragged you inside by the ear. THE EAR. while I was there...kinda weird."
From: Chanyeolㅎ - "I told you she is weird. you are never coming to my house lol"
From: Blake ( ^ω^ ) - "You're so lame."
From: Chanyeolㅎ - "what did I do?!"
From: Blake ( ^ω^ ) - "You're like, so afraid of her lol"
From: Blake ( ^ω^ ) - "hey come talk to me."
From: Chanyeolㅎ - "can't leave it's too late."
From: Blake ( ^ω^ ) - "sneak out you wuss."
Byun Baekhyun was the first person to ever coax Park Chanyeol out of his house past the time allowed.
Even though they were close neighbors, Yeol's mom still would have lost her control had she known her son left the house. However, he constant un-sober state left her unaware of the events taking place.
Chanyeol had slowly and quietly crept down the stairs of the house, careful so that they never creaked. And upon reaching the main level, he had crawled past the entrance to the small living room. He avoided his mother seeing him walk past. Her gaze was fixed on the flashing television, the rest of the room completely engulfed in darkness. Yeol was barely able to make his way to the front door without contacting anything due to the invisibility.
Nonetheless, he successfully grabbed his shoes which laid by the door. He also swiped his bag from its hook, as Blake had told him to bring it.
“What are we doing?” Blake stuffed more and more food into the Yeol’s bag while ignoring the question. “I thought you just wanted me to talk to you.” Blake shoved one last wrapped pastry into the large zipped part of the navy-blue bag.
“You will.” Was all Blake replied as he left into another room. Chanyeol stood still, waiting for when the boy would return. “Take the bag and wait by the front door.” He heard whispered.
Yeol did as directed and headed to the door. His bag was slung over one shoulder, the plastic wrappers of the snacks creating noise inside it. Blake wasn’t far behind. His bag was suddenly filled with something large. It puffed out, appearing over stuffed.
The two walked out of the house together. Blake led the way as Yeol followed cautiously.
They began walking in darker areas. Under trees and through back yards.
Once Yeol’s home was far out of sight, the boys shifted to the lit street. They both walked in the middle, on the double yellow lines. Blake pretended to balance on the yellow strip. He still led the way.
“Where are we going?” Yeol questioned. Unaware of Blake’s motives, he followed at an ever so hesitant pace. “Nowhere.” Blake responded while still flailing his arms in pretend balancing.
The walk to their destination wasn’t that of great distance. But the pace set by a balancing Blake slowed their time.
After almost a half hour of walking down the dimly lit neighborhood streets, Blake had turned to an alley. The path was filled with gravel. It was thin, and dark. The ominous and twisting way led into the woods that edged the east side houses.
“Wait.” Yeol stopped at the head of the alley. “We’re going in here?” He gulped. Blake could hear. He took a step back from the direction he was heading, to face Yeol. “Look.” He began, “I know there’s a big spooky “no trespass” sign. But learn to live a little my friend.” And with that, Blake ignored Yeol the rest of the way. He continued down the path, never looking back, and trusting Yeol would follow.
“Okay.” Blake halted. He spun around quickly and moved behind Chanyeol without haste. “Close your eyes.”
Yeol bent his head down, looking back in the other’s direction. “Um.” Blake shook his head. His black locks flew every which way. “Nope. Just do it.”
The taller boy closed his eyes as the shorter rummaged through his bag. Suddenly, a soft material was placed around the taller’s face. Blake tied a makeshift blindfold, that was really an old shirt, around Yeol’s eyes. “Just in case.” He clapped his hands together upon letting go of the cover. “Not sure I can trust you.”
And Chanyeol didn’t see him wink.
Blake placed his right hand into Chanyeol’s left. The giant immediately held his hand back at the contact. Their fingers interlaced.
Blake guided Yeol through the final few yards of alley. At the end, was a large and empty field.
The field, that was once used for baseball games, was completely barren. An occasional weed or bush erupted from the ground. No traces of the old playing fields were left behind. Only a small pile of wood in the middle seemed out of place.
Thick and dense woods surrounded the now meadow. The trees lined the oval shape at its edges. The sky above was completely clear to the summer sky.
“Wait.” Blake let his hand slip out of Yeol’s. He began pulling out the large, soft blankets from his bag. The bag, now much smaller in size, was tossed aside as Blake laid out the blankets.
“Alright.” Blake clapped, overlooking his work. The summer night breeze blew both of their hair in the open space. “Take off the blindfold.”
In Chanyeol’s view, his vision slowly returned. The black began shifting down, as a small amount of light poured in. The field, which was lit only by the full moon, brightened as he focused harder. The image of the open space became progressively clearer. He blinked several times to readjust to the new setting. The shirt dropped to the ground in front of him.
Blake spun around in circles next to him. His arms were out straight. “Viola.” He sang. The giant’s attention turned to focus on him. “This.” Blake gestured around the field with an arm after his spinning ceased. “Is how were going to talk.”
Blake and Chanyeol sat on the blankets. Blake was the first to attack the food. He began ravaging the bag, looking for all the specific snacks he packed for himself. Yeol ate scarcely as Blake devoured most. The small juice boxes, that were stolen from Cher’s food stash, kept them hydrated through their candy splurge.
They both laid back, their hands propping their heads, the empty candy wrappers littering the space around them. They stared up at the stars. The bright white and shining lights formed beautiful clusters. The sky and the warmth provided a perfect setting.
“What was it like to move to a different country at an older age?”
“I think it was not as hard as lots of people say…I was so scared. I did not want to leave my friends. I did not want to learn a new culture. I think learning language is not hard, it is learning the culture and how to act that is. I was scared of being more of a…outsider than I was before. Scared of doing wrong.”
“Do you feel like an outsider here?”
“You. I think you are the only person I have made such good friends with. In my life, I think…Spending time with you feels different. Like a high feeling. I feel good and accepted. The things that make my sad go away. I don’t hate my life with you. Not as much at the time that we are together. But when I look back, I get flashes of happiness and this strange feeling. I can’t describe it. But I think it takes over my reality just for a second. Then it is gone.”
“You are my best friend.”
“Do you want me to be more than your friend?”
Chanyeol only turned to look at Blake. Their eyes met, even though barely visible in the dark. They both stared for moment before Yeol’s attention had returned to the sky.
Neither spoke. Small breezes past, shaking the nearby trees. Insects talked.
“What happened to your dad when you were young?”
“Car wreck. I think that I was probably five or six. All I remember is my mom crying a lot. Then...”
“That’s when the bruises started.”
“What do you mean?” Blake sat up on his elbows. His gaze fixated on the still laying Chanyeol.
“My mom was so sad. She would take the big bottles of Soju and drink them. We used them for parties, but when he died, there was no parties. She just…drank them. My mom is always angry and mean. When she would drink a lot, I think she got…meaner. I was so young and I needed help growing up. I think she got mad at me for being a small child. I blamed myself for being annoying.”
“Are you implying that your mother abused you when she was drunk?”
“She still does. Sometimes.”
Blake sat all the way up. He twisted his body to face Chanyeol. He sat with his legs crossed, as well as his arms.
“Please don’t be mad at me.” Yeol’s voice cracked, being just barely above a whisper. And in the darkness, a single shiny tear was visible in the subtle moonlight.
The drop had slowly made its way out of Yeol’s eye. Blake could see it roll off his cheek bones, and drop onto his shoulder. The taller continued to stare at the stars, his expression twisted in agony. He was trying his hardest not to let any more tears fall. He imagined that the stars were Blake’s eyes, as they were stars to him.
“Why would I be mad at you?” Blake asked cautiously not wanting to pry.
“Because I never told you.”
Blake shook his head. “Is that why…your leg?”
Yeol’s eyes squeezed shut. Another drop of water was squeezed out as it shut. He nodded his head against the ground.
Blake scooted off his blanket. He inched his way forward to the best of his abilities being seated in an awkward position. He left his own blanket and sat upon Yeol’s.
“I’m sorry.” Blake leaned his face down, ghosting near Yeol’s cheeks. Yeol never moved. However, his heavy breathing had ceased. Blake’s breath was hot against Yeol’s soft, cool skin. The patch of skin on Yeol’s right cheek became hot and sweaty within seconds.
Yeol kept his eyes closed in anticipation. Blake rested his forehead against the taller’s. Their hair intertwined in a tangled mess. “I’m sorry.” He whispered again before pressing his lips to Chanyeol’s.
Chanyeol had never kissed anyone in his life. For Blake to kiss him in this moment of vulnerability only made his tears flow harder. A few more droplets of water ran down the sides of Yeol’s face. Blake’s lips continued to stick to his, the soft, warm feeling spreading throughout his body.
Chanyeol wanted to savor the moment. To describe the feeling to himself. To relish in the compassion of Byun Baekhyun.
However, the moment ended too soon.
Blake’s lips were the first to pull away. Yeol felt them detach. He pushed his head back against the ground to pull away as well. Blake’s forehead remained on Yeol’s. The tears stopped flowing. His breath increased, recovering from the kiss as the shorter boy continued to press their foreheads together.
The rest of the summer for the two boys seemed to go by quickly.
The month of June dragged slower than the winter months seemed to. The two boys only longing to be together more tore their relationship. The pain was subtle, but painful nonetheless.
After the night of July 1st, the hot months sped by.
Yeol continued to visit Blake’s house. Jisoo cooking them snacks, Cher playing with the giant, and the boys endless adventures.
There were no more walking creeks and hopping over fences into private properties. Yeol's leg prevented him from doing so.
The boys instead spent their time walking down dim lighted streets, sitting on top a high hill, looking at the stars and the city below them. They talked about their lives.
The conversations usually included their hopes and their dreams, how small they felt now. How truly insignificant they were in the world. They looked at the bright and beaming lights below them. Cars passed, horns honked, people shouted, and lights flashed. The city was small, but a city nonetheless.
Blake talked about his dreams of moving to a bigger place. Looking out a balcony at night, watching the city lights shine. And feeling the breeze of a summer's night on his tan skin. He talked about living his life free, being accepted and ignoring the judgement. His dreams were large, almost larger than the city he dreamt of.
Yeol always listened. He aspired to do what Blake could, to be fearless. To be bold and determined.
Blake swore he was going to leave their small town. He swore to make his dreams come true, and to truly be himself.
But he also swore to love Yeol for the rest of his life.
School was yet again coming into view, starting in a week. Yeol could feel the impending fate of his visits decreasing. Blake could feel it too.
"How hard do you think chemistry will be?" Blake asked one night as they laid on their typical hill.
The city lights blinked in the distance.
"Not very I hope." Yeol replied. His hands slid against the dew-covered grass as he attempted to prop himself up. His arms were locked straight behind himself. Blake laid on his back beside him.
Blake grunted in agreement. Then he groaned in complaint as he rolled over on his stomach. "Ugh. I don't want school to start."
Yeol stayed silent as the shorter boy continued his string of complaints.
"Don't you think?" Blake asked, referring to a topic he felt strongly about. Yeol hadn't been listening much. "Hm?" He asked, turning. His head to look at Blake.
"Don't you think we should switch to like, homeschool or something?"
Yeol shook his head. "No. I can't stay home." Blake shifted uncomfortably. "You could do it at my house." He suggested.
Yeol continued to shake his head. "No, my mom is even angry now. She yells that I'm gone all day." And Blake grew silent for several moments.
"You don't. You don't have to come to my house all the time.” His voice was quiet. “How mad at you does she get?” He whispered again, his voice getting quieter.
Yeol sighed heavily. He slid his hands threw the damp grass, and pulled them to his sides. He turned to face Blake, his legs transitioning into a crossed position. He held his arms out flat in front of himself.
Yeol nodded at his own arms. “Go ahead.” He said to Blake.
Cautious, Blake moved to sit across from the taller boy. He matched his position, sitting crossed legged. Their knees touched as they faced each other.
Blake slowly lifted the sleeves on Yeol’s arms. He rolled up the long-sleeved flannel into a ball. He stopped at the elbows, taking in the sight before him.
“Yeol. I-“ Yeol shook his head. “Don’t.” Blake looked up at him, his eyes straining. “Do not apologize.” A wetness began forming in the smaller’s eyes. “But.” He took a deep breath, struggling to form the words through his broken voice. “Why?” He asked simply. His voice sounded choked with tears.
Yeol’s eyes also began watering at the edges. “Because I want to be with you Blake.”
Blake’s breath hitched. A tear fell out of his eye, landing on his cheek. It streamed down his face. Left behind was a wet stream that shined against his face.
“I love you.” Yeol said. His shoulders were back, his head high. He did not move. He did not cry.
But Byun Baekhyun did. It was the first time Chanyeol had even seen Blake break down emotionally.
The short boy leaned his head forward. It landed into his hands. His tears wetted his fingers as he continued to cry. His attempts to regain sanity failed.
Yeol leaned forward. He pulled Blake’s head out of hands, his own pressed to the sides of the other boy’s face. He placed their foreheads together. Their hair, again, tangled together at the contact. Yeol’s hands remained on the sides of Blake’s head as Blake’s laid limp in his lap.
“I’m sorry.” Blake struggled to make the words audible. His voice cracked and choked through the tears and breaths. Yeol’s grip tightened on his face. He shook his head against the other. “No.”
The bruises that littered Park Chanyeol’s arms were dark. Large. There were many of the abuse marks. The black and blue colors twisted together in a disgustingly beautiful way. They formed small disfigured shapes. Not quite circles, but messy splotches. They covered his arms in large numbers, not many patches of pale skin visible.
The first time Blake ever told Chanyeol that he loved him back was in the winter.
Blake was never one for expression of feelings. His personality was loud and fun. He acted blunt, sarcastic, and even flirty to those he knew. But one thing Blake did not do, was cry to others. He didn’t release any pain to anyone other than himself. And he never admitted to anything that could potentially cause that pain.
“Wow its cold.” Yeol shivered in his thick, winter coat. Its shiny silver surface reflected what little sun shone through the clouds. Snow was falling lightly.
There wasn’t much snow this winter, compared to the last one they shared together.
“Oh boy.” Blake sighed heavily. “I did not miss this.”
The boys had reached their morning bus stop on their way back from school. Blake continued his yearly ritual of kicking pebbles into the nearby yards. They halted at the stop. Yeol turned to face his house. “Guess I should go home today. Now that it is Christmas break.” Blake sighed, not wanting the taller boy to return to his home.
Yeol looked upwards, gazing into the sky. The above snow fell unto his face.
The white flakes spread out upon his cheeks. The smaller bits melted into water, leaving his face glistening. He then stuck out his tongue, letting the snow fall in his mouth. His lips spread into a smile while his tongue was out. His face strained at the awkward position as he began to laugh. The giggles got progressively louder as the more snow fell.
Meanwhile, Blake watched.
He looked up at the giant. He watched him entertain himself with the small, white flakes. His pure joy and innocence spread a warmth through Blake. The clumsy, sweet giant he fell in love with standing before him, tempting him with his sweetness. He could not contain his emotions, for once.
Blake leaned forward. He outstretched onto his toes. His worn Converse stretched with him upwards.
His arms wrapped around the giant boy’s shoulders, pulling them closer together. As Chanyeol looked down at the shorter boy beneath him, Blake pushed the back of his head.
Their lips collided.
Blake kept his grip on Yeol, one hand on the back of his head, the other on the back of his neck. Their lips moved together in time, despite Yeol’s usual clumsiness.
Before the kiss could continue, Blake pulled away ever so slightly. Yeol quietly whined at the loss of contact.
Blake pressed his lips back unto Chanyeol’s once more. Yeol smiled into the kiss, against the other boy, his pace struggling with the expression.
The kiss’ already deep passion was added to when Yeol moved to hold the other. His arms wrapped around Blake’s waist. He easily engulfed the other boy, due to the sheer size difference. His arms pulled Blake even close than before, if that was even physically possible. Their bodies collided just as their lips had.
Blake continued deepening the kiss as Chanyeol held him close. The moment of intimacy completed with the romantic snowfall around them.
Their coats soon became littered in the white. Blake’s fingers found warmth in the hairs of Yeol. Together, they both felt warm. They completely forgot about the cold-biting air around them.
The kiss to both boys felt longer than it actually had lasted. The time and warmth together seemed to have slowed time. But just the time in their own bubble, their own universe. The universe that only included each other.
Blake had held Yeol’s hand as they parted ways, making it dramatic. He whined as their hands slipped apart when Yeol walked towards his house. The intertwined fingers left each other.
Suddenly, Chanyeol and Blake had felt a bitter coldness return. One that seemed not to be caused only by the temperature.
At Yeol’s house, a window curtain had shifted.
Chanyeol told Blake that he would stay home most days during the break, to please his mother.
Blake never saw Chanyeol once over break.
There were occasional emails back and forth. Yeol mostly explained how he and his mother spent time cooking and decorating. He said that she had been fairly sober and strangely nice during the week span. He also mentioned he was going to visit family in Minnesota.
Chanyeol’s mother was never once sober. She, especially, was never nice. They didn’t do any projects together like baking.
There was no family in Minnesota.
From: Blake ( ^ω^ ) - "Happy New Year ;)"
From: Chanyeolㅎ - "happy new year, Blake."
From: Blake ( ^ω^ ) - "you gonna be available after the new year?"
From: Chanyeolㅎ - "I don't think so. but..it is only a week. I'll see you when school starts ;'("
From: Blake ( ^ω^ ) - "aw okay. I just want to see you again."
From: Chanyeolㅎ - "me too. I miss you."
From: Blake ( ^ω^ ) - "I thought you said you'd never miss me? ;)"
From: Chanyeolㅎ- "sometimes I lie Byun Baekhyun."
From: Chanyeolㅎ - "happy new year Blake. I love you."
That was the last time Byun Baekhyun ever spoke to his best friend, his first love, his soulmate, Park Chanyeol.
“Why hasn’t Yeol come to school?” Rose asked. The entire lunch table turned their focus to Blake. He stopped mid-bite of a sandwich. He slowly put it down, aware of the eyes upon him. Once the turkey left his hand, he shrugged his shoulders.
“I don’t know.” He replied in an agitated tone. Rose rolled her eyes, huffing violently. “Come on. You guys are like…practically dating, you hang out so much.”
Her comment stung Blake, as she didn’t know that they were practically dating.
“I dunno okay. He hasn’t texted me or come over. Assume he’s sick or somethin’.” Rose leaned into the table, closing some distance between herself and him. “You haven’t gone to his house?” She raised an eyebrow, looking skeptical.
“His mom doesn’t like people over.” He lied, not wanting to say anything about Yeol’s scary situation. Rose backed off at the comment. Her expression still revealed her clear discontent.
Blake picked up his sandwich again, taking a large bite. He pondered taking a risk, to see Yeol.
That was before his questions were answered later that night.
Chanyeol stared at the drawer before himself. Its contents, he dreaded. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Especially not his own mother.
The short, old woman came storming down the hall. She had exited her room and made a line towards the kitchen. The kitchen where Chanyeol stood.
“Chanyeol-Ah!” She screamed, more vicious than ever before. Yeol braced himself against the drawer. His hand gripped its metal handle to the point of a sharp pain searing through his fingers.
The woman approached closer. “Chanyeol!” She began to swing her arms around. “I’m going to kill you.” She growled quieter than before, but in a more venomous growl.
The tall boy flung the drawer open in an instant as the woman neared. She stopped as Chanyeol grabbed out a fork. He threw it in her direction. The woman avoided the flying object, immediately descending on the boy after.
Yeol’s hesitation prevented him from successfully stopping his mother.
His tears flowed as they struggled against each other. He begged her to stop as she screamed and flung her arms.
Chanyeol’s size dwarfed his mother’s allowing him to easily restrain her. What he did not expect, however, was for his mother to use something other than her fists.
The woman had leaned to her left slightly, reaching for the counter. Yeol never noticed her intentions.
Park Chanyeol’s vision had changed in a matter of seconds. The last thing he saw was his mother’s scraggly hair struggling underneath him. The last thing he heard was her grow silent for just a second.
Everything was black. Everything was quiet. There was nothing.
Blood dripped off the broken bronze bottle that had previously contained the cause of the fight. Its jagged edges dripped slowly, while shining brightly red in the light. A small circle of the red stained the white floor.
Park Chanyeol’s mother had watched Blake and her son kiss under the snow in the street one day.
“I think the pain is more than I can describe to you. I’m sure your pain was worse, however. I cannot begin to imagine the life you have lived. The loss of your father, the abuse of your mother, blaming yourself for the pain. I cannot imagine. And for that, I am truly sorry. I know you blame yourself. I know you never wanted anyone to be hurt like you had been. I know you wanted to make everyone happy. Chanyeol, you never had to do anything. You did nothing in your life to deserve your fate. I want you to know that. I want you to know that you never had to do anything for me, for anyone. You loved me for me, and that was the greatest thing you could have ever done for me. I miss you, Park Chanyeol. I miss the way we touched each other subtly in an unconscious way, purely out of true love. I miss the way your big ears, goofy smile, and clumsy limbs lit up my days. You made me smile and forget the world around me. The world in which I wanted nothing to do with. I want you to know this. For, I feel like my feelings were not very open. I am sorry if you ever, ever felt as if I didn’t love you back. Because in fact, all I wanted to do was be with you. I will miss the way you kissed me. How your confidence had finally shone through in those moments. How you held me and made me feel so absolutely warm. But I think what I’ll miss more than anything, is your amazing mind. The way you talked about things, the way you handled things, your views of life, and your dreams. You are so unbelievably and incredibly smart. Do you know how much I drooled over your tall, goofy self when you spoke another language? I think you never thought of yourself as more than a dumb, useless, annoying, klutz. I hope that some part of me was able to help you realize otherwise. To realize you who you really were. Who I am sure you are now. All the long night talks we had about life, and afterlife, come to me know. Of all the possibilities we talked about, I somehow now wish for a heaven. I know our views were always uncertain, left to question what was reality. But I now hope for some kind of heaven, so that I may see you again one day. I will find you where ever you are. Whatever life you are in. I will tell you I love you again. And again. I will constantly remind you of how amazing you were to me. It may seem funny, to find such a teen romance and for it to end so tragically. But to those who say romance among those who are young is fake, have simply never found it themselves. Is it rare? I believe so. I believe that what we had was so epic, and so rare. For this reason, among many, I will never forget you, Park Chanyeol. I will never stop loving you, Park Chanyeol. I will never stop thinking of you, Park Chanyeol. And I will never not be in pain because of your fate, Park Chanyeol. I love you.”
Blake set his pen against the small wooden desk. The paper stared back up at him, along with the opened laptop. Its wallpaper filled with the smiles of a tall, Korean boy and his best friend. His soulmate. A collage of pictures that Chanyeol had strung together one fall afternoon.
Other pictures that could not display on his computer, hung around his room.
A string of lights were hung up across a wall. Within the lights, the polaroids were tacked up. They flowed in chronological order, telling the story of their relationship within the dazzling lights. Starting with the ever so familiar green photo of the two boys in the middle of a creek.
Blake looked out his opened window. The cold, end of January, beginning of February air poured in. But he did not care. He rested his head against a hand. He peered across the street at the large grey colored house. Its lights were dark, just like the memory of the boy who lived there.
Byun Baekhyun walked down a familiar path. Its winding, narrow passage way covered with thick snow. The trees that surrounded every direction, were covered in glistening icicles. They shone brightly in the moon light. The snow twinkled brightly in the moon light.
Blake made his way up the steep hill. The hike, as he remembers it before, is more difficult with snow. His hot breath formed clouds before himself in the icy and bitter cold. It nipped as his nose and cheeks. They turned red.
Within his coat pocket was an envelope. He gripped it tightly, not wanting to let go.
As he emerged from the trail, the bright lights became evident. He stopped at the trail’s end. His breathing also ceased as he looked at the familiar spot. The hill, where the two boys had overlooked the city, stung his heart. He stood staring at the sight, feeling the emotions well up inside himself. He had not returned to any spot after Chanyeol had gone.
His steps were slow. His feet crunched into the thick snow beneath him. With each step, a memory flooded his reality.
“You can’t reach!” The tall boy held up the shorter’s phone high above his head. He laughed. “Give it back! You can’t it see yet!”
“Do you ever want children?” The silver haired boy turned to face the brunette. “Maybe. You?” Blake responded. Chanyeol looked at the city below them. “I think one day.” They both smiled.
“Why do you love me?” The giant bent down, hugging Blake. “I love you because you’re you. And you’re amazing to me in so many ways.” Blake smiled at his response.
“Stop!” The shorter boy shrieked out. Yeol refused to relent on Blake’s sides. He tickled them fiercely. Screams of joy and laughter filled the woods.
Blake reached the edge of the high hill. Its drop off more of that of a cliff. The ground below, was far away, almost invisible in the dark night. There was only the flashing and twinkling of the city lights in the distance.
He slowly reached into his coat pocket, pulling out the envelope. He ripped open the seal while looking at the small skyline. The paper letter was removed. The envelope was thrown onto the snow. He carefully unfolded the paper, ensuring not to tear it.
Blake recited the letter he had written some hours before. He read it loudly, boldly. Occasionally, he looked out into the skyline as he read, as if he was reading to an audience. Perhaps, Chanyeol was his audience. Blake only knew that he wanted Yeol to hear somehow. Someway.
By the last line of the inked paper, tears had filled Blake’s eyes to the brim. He struggled to read the final sentences without breaking.
“I love you.” He finished the last string of words.
The paper dropped to his sides as his hands did. He threw his head back, trying to contain the tears. However, the feelings were too painful.
He squeezed his eyes shut. Tears were forced out, rolling down both sides of his face. He inhaled loudly. He gasped for air. His cries quickly became frantic, gulps of air and screams.
He yelled once loudly. He projected his voice to the city below. The lights were now blurry due to the wetness of his eyes.
The short boy gripped the page at its top. He began tearing it down the middle. Soon, there were pieces. He ripped the page over, and over again until it was too small to rip anymore. The pieces flew away in the cold breeze. They flew left, spinning around before floating out and off the hilltop.
Blake watched them blow away, along with his heart. The city lights illuminated the papers that danced in the wind, in front of the skyline.
A final tear streamed down his cheek as he looked out and beyond.
“I love you, Park Chanyeol.”
vaporwave
dailybridgerton
baratheonpilled
prguitarman
tangentwithtanner
turnnoffyourmind