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@kyle-branton-blog
She was done talking, and trying to understand why he’d done what he did. He was there now, and he was trying, and they’d done more than enough talking. Letting out a little gasp against his lips when he lifted her up, she shoved everything aside instinctively, barely noticing when everything crashed to the floor, her arms tightening around him as she reached down to tug off his shirt, tossing it aside.
All she could think about was how this was the feeling she’d been aching for, the familiar touch of his lips, his hands touching her anywhere they could reach. She was so in love with him it hurt, and the prospect of spending her life with someone that could never make her feel like Kyle did, made it hurt that much more. The moment their lips parted, she wanted them together again, a small whimper escaping her. “I missed you so much…I hate you, and I love you, just don’t fucking leave me again please,” she pleaded breathlessly.
All of the feelings they had together were warped into one giant muddle. There had always been a fine line between love and hate between them and even now the line had become blurred. His hands slipped down to her hips, lifting her as he back her up against her desk. His hands holding her captive as their lips clashed once more. “Not going anywhere, sweetheart.”
The truth was, she missed him so much. He’d been her best friend for so long, the person who held her when she cried, beat up jerks that hurt her, and knew just what to say to make life bearable, and when he was gone, all of that was gone too. Falling in love with him just made everything that much better. He’d screwed up, but the reason was forgivable, even if she didn’t know it yet. Finally, her eyes flickered up to face him, heart pounding against her rib cage until all at once she took a few steps forward and threw her arms around his neck, crushing their lips together in a bruising, desperate kiss.
He waited for her to say something, the silence stretching between them before she suddenly jerked into motion. Her arms thrown around his neck as she dragged his mouth down to hers. His groan was muffled against her lips, his hands slipping up to entangle in her hair as he took everything from her that he could. “Fuck I missed you.”
“Reliable, maybe,” Olivia replied, crossing her arms over her torso. “But he doesn’t make me happy. I don’t love him. Every time I look at him, I’m thinking of all the reasons why he isn’t you,” she admitted quietly, swallowing hard as she looked away. “I’m scared Kyle. I’m afraid to believe in anything you say because you had no problem breaking my trust once.”
There was a small moment where he thought he had overstepped, but suddenly that was replaced by a little sliver of hope that rattled around in his shrivelled up piece of shit that he called a heart. “You...you have every right not to trust me. You took a chance last time and I waited until it was too late to break your heart...I can’t say I’m not going to fuck up again, that I won’t forget anniversaries or forget to pick up after myself but know that I’m gonna try to make up for what I did to you every single fucking day for as long as it takes.”
Leaning up against the front of her desk, Olivia listened silently, taking in his words before she glanced down at the floor and shook her head. “I don’t…I don’t know what to say, Kyle,” she whispered. “Last night you…you said…that you still loved me, that you wanted to make things right. Was that true or was that the alcohol talking?”
Kyle scratched the back of his neck, looking away from Liv to a point in front of her shoes. “I do, I have a shitty way of showing it but I do love you. You don’t have to say anything, I didn’t come here expecting you to forgive me...I just wanted to let you know that I’m trying to change. That I want you, but I’ll completely understand if you kick me out...considering you have a boyfriend who is probably a hundred times more reliable than I am.”
“It’s…it’s fine, I tried not to take anything to heart,” she said softly, though it wasn’t exactly true. It was one of the few times he’d outright said he loved her, and now he didn’t even remember it. Swallowing painfully hard, she finally turned to face him, wringing her hands together. “You didn’t have to do this, I wouldn’t have left you out in the streets.”
"I did have to do this. I’ve been an ass for a long fucking time when it comes to stuff with you and its about time I tried to fix this shit between us. So I’m trying to woo you, or at least thats what Bri described it as.” Now he really sounded like a dick. If someone heard him talking now, they would wonder how he had ever got laid in the first place. “She’s working with me, to get over the need to feed via sex.”
If it really was that bad, there was no telling if he’d actually meant anything he said, let alone remembered it. Closing the door behind him, she stepped into her office and cleared her throat, setting the coffee down on the desk before she grabbed a vase and emptied a bottle of water into it, setting the flowers in carefully. “You were definitely out of it last night.”
"I shouldn’t have come by last night, I’d talked to Brianna about you and I guess even drunk out of my brain I had you on my mind. Rational thought was never my strong suit.”
She didn’t know what to say, swallowing hard. After a moment, she took the flowers slowly and glanced around, trying to figure all the reasons in her head why this was a bad idea. Yet in that moment, she couldn’t even think of one. “Yeah I just…I had some houses to show later, but I’ve got some time now,” she finally answered, fumbling for her keys to unlock the door. “I’d imagine the hangover is pretty bad…”
"Then yeah, of course...” Kyle wondered briefly if it would always be this way between them. An awkward tension settling between two people who had been friends far longer than they had been in a relationship. “Atrocious actually. I thought I was dying when I woke up. I should only be seeing two of you right?”
Olivia didn’t know what to think about anything, and watching Kyle stumble through his words the night before had her heart aching to hear what the sober words were. She’d pushed away the boring boyfriend, feigning illness so he wouldn’t bother her, and he’d hardly cared, claiming he had to work. She didn’t even care, he could be screwing all of his assistants and she wouldn’t have cared. Her heart was focused on Kyle. All morning she could barely focus on her work, looking over papers without even reading them. Finally she realized she needed a coffee break, and when she got back, there he was, the source of her confusion. She could see the frustration on his face, clenching her keys tightly as she met his gaze. “I…I just needed coffee, it was a long night,” she said softly, glancing down at the items in his hands. “Do you….want to come in?”
"Yeah about that...I’m sorry for rocking up here unannounced last night. It wasn’t exactly my finest moment...” God what had he said? He wished he could remember. “I ugh...yeah if you have time. I mean if you’re busy I can come back later. These are for you by the way, just an apology for being such a dick.”
Kyle felt like a fool. He’d woken up with a hangover and a vague recollection of being a complete dick. So much for your charm offensive, Branton. He thought as he stared at himself in the mirror. There was no way he hadn’t done more damage with his little visit but maybe turning up sober with an apology would wipe away some of the damage. Arriving at Liv’s office, bearing a bottle of her favourite wine and a bouquet of flowers he knocked only to find her office empty. Turning around, he was ready to dump both gifts in the trash when he came face to face with the brunette. “I ugh...thought you were out.”
Music pumped in his office, computer screens depicting new and ingenious designs. But the engineer himself was nowhere to be found. Kyle was stuffed under an engine, blind and deaf to the person who had just entered until they kicked at his foot. Rolling out from under the engine, he tipped his glasses onto the top of his head. “Yeah?”
Another sigh escaped him as he made his way to the door. “For what its worth, I am sorry.”
She was starting to get used to him walking away, he’d done it so often, and it was getting harder and harder on her sanity. She couldn’t even speak, swallowing hard as she closed her eyes and turned away, steadying herself against the desk.
“I’ll believe that when I see it,” Olivia said softly, pulling her sweater tighter around her small frame.
Another sigh escaped him as he made his way to the door. “For what its worth, I am sorry.”
“Then leave, Kyle. Stop waltzing back into my life whenever you feel like it and reminding me that you’re there. I get it, you’re around, you are fully aware that I love you, that my heart hurts every time I have to see you knowing that you have no intention of giving me anything that I want. If you honestly can’t give that to me, then stop dangling it in front of my face just to amuse yourself.”
His head hurt, the large amount of alcohol sitting in his gut suddenly turned sour. “I love you Liv, I know I’m a dick and I’m pretty damn stupid but I intend on winning you back preferably when I’m sober.”
Blowing out a shuddering breath, Olivia had finally had enough of his self loathing, whirling around to face him with frustration in her eyes. “Do you really think I want any of that with him?” she snapped, shaking her head. “God you literally don’t get it, I wanted all of that with you, I didn’t even love Keres as much as I love you, and it hurts. It physically hurts every day when I have to look at you and you don’t even act like you want to give me any of it. I think you want me to love him just so that you don’t have to anymore, so you can be free of whatever guilt you feel.”
Kyle hadn’t expected her to whirl around on him with an accusation in her voice. He stood there, stunned into silence as she continued to snap at him. “I’d give you all of it, Liv. I just don’t know if I can.”
Olivia stacked up papers harshly until finally she stopped and took a breath, gripping the edge of the desk hard as she let a few tears slip out, trying to catch her breath so she could speak. “I never asked for anything other than you. You’re the one that made me feel like I wasn’t enough. You don’t get to decide what I deserve, and that’s exactly what you’ve done.”
“Liv...” Why was this so damn hard? Was this why Brianna had banged it into his head that it was worth fighting for? Or was it all just getting messed up in his head? “You deserve roses, the white picket fence shit... a ring and all that. All I can give you is a drain on your life whenever we decide to fuck... shouldn’t I be worried about you? You wanna know how many nights I watched you and wondered if one day I would take too much?”
Shaking her head, Olivia felt tears welling up once more. She should have known this was just another game to screw with her. “Just go,” she whispered as she turned away and started to clean up her desk.
Kyle sighed, abandoning the bottle of water as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “I do love you, Liv...you just deserve so much better than me.”
