guys my age

✧ °｡ ● when you ( wake in the morning ) & i can tell it’s not your best side, no ' G O O D morning ' today, i stay to the R I G H T. if i know you’re mad & on the left side, stay out of your way.. —— just hold on, ( in a minute it’ll be over & gone. ) gone, gone, gone, gone.. if you were here i’d get you a beer & i would hang your coat. you wanna B E H O L D, so you roll up your sleeves & ( you S W E A T & B R E A T H E ).. this is a long road, so much more to go. S E E i’ve been dreamcatchin'.. i caught that this is everlasting life F I L L E D with you, me, love & laughter.. —— ( happily ever after. )

[soundsnaked]

[kyliic]

kenjfck.

i’ve waited, and i’ve waited, and i’ve WAITED, kylie ! enough is enough ! i don’t mind being affectionate, not to strangers or anything though. but that’s why you have m e ! i can kick your ass if you ever say the wrong thing, keep you in check. too late ! i’m paranoid ! i was just giving you shit. i know what you meant. and for your information, i don’t want to ever think about you taking it in the ass. remember that whole blissfuly OBLIVIOUS thing ? i can’t help it ! it’s the lil baby growing inside of me ! consider me stopped then. i wasn’t aware it was a competition. i mean… of course i am, but this is y o u we’re talking about.

i, KENDALL, don’t really make the rules around here ! so, go take that up with ... whoever makes the rules ! i would sure hope you don’t, we’re always the one’s to get stalked. it wouldn’t feel like i learned m y lesson if you did it, it would just make me nostalgic as fuck. yikes, i warned you ! me taking it in the ass would definitely be a weird day, like, that would be me hitting rock bottom. really ? that’s what you’re going with ? ‘ blissfully oblivious, ’ it’s CATCHY. but, i secretly feel like you know everything and don’t like admitting it ! good, took ya’ long enough. everything’s a competition, babe, this is real shit. i’m c o m p l e x, there’s a difference.

[kyliic]

vcnesscs.

then let me see you & i’ll tell you all the times i worship you, kylie. we can just spend the day fawning over each other — it’s a win for us both. it sounds like absolute hell, it makes me really sad that you have to deal with all of them on a daily basis. it’s good you’re learning not to let it get to you, though. i kinda miss that era of my life; made me feel more relevant, i guess. no it wasn’t, shut up ! 

i’d be a dumb ass to let that slip away from me, so, i’m totally down ! something tells me that i won’t ever get tired of looking at you, ready for that ? seriously, there’s only a matter of time before i have a britney spears moment and just lose it. everyday is a new challenge, i’ll say that much. you’re already relevant as fuck, everyone was drooling over you when you hosted last month. make me first, and then ... i’ll think about it.

[kyliic]

tcmmcs.

beats the ‘ell out o’ me if we’re ‘onest. people are pretty damn confusin’ if we’re gonna be ‘onest ‘bout it. what i’d properly give t’ be a dog or somethin’ cause the whole ‘uman thing just isn’t workin’ out ‘alf o’ the time anyways. aren’t you sweet then ? thanks, m’glad me ‘eight ‘asn’t completely cockblocked me. i’m sure they will, i ‘ave no doubts ‘bout it. well who really wants t’ intimidate children though ? 

honestly, there’s some just people that i see and i’m like ... shit. don’t get me wrong cause i think i’m a little strange, at first, but some psycho people actually walk the streets. i could see myself as a cat, like, i’m positive that they have chiller days than we do. honesty’s the best policy, right ? you’re good as far as your height goes, i got you ! make sure you have the same outcome, those things seem brutal. at least one crazy person makes a complete living outta that, let’s be real.

[kyliic]

twitta.

@AndreaRussett: @KylieJenner !! ill make u a tinder or you can change it up and go to farmersonly.com

@KylieJenner: i don't trust tinder @AndreaRussett but i could definitely use someone to milk... forget it

[kyliic]

cindyismz.

shit, in that case–let’s set something up, i’ll fight someone if i get paid for it, it’ll be fun. people still get the NEWSPAPER? crazy. maybe you should stick to being a make up mogul, leave the inspirational speeches for someone e l s e. i guess i can relate. i could probably have the one i want, if i wasn’t such a shitty person who’d just fuck it all up.

pick someone that you know you have no problem fighting, it would really suck to lose ... i’d get in for you, most definitely. there’s some old ass man out there that’s FIGHTING over one, c’mon. right ? i’m pretty sure ellen will continue to shine a light on what’s r e a l, she’s a queen. literally my entire life, wow. but, that really doesn’t stop me from fucking up their entire life afterwards. ya’ know ?

[kyliic]

ₖyₗᵢₑ ₊ ₍ ₐₗₗ cₒₙₜₐcₜₛ ₎ ── | ₛₙₐₚcₕₐₜ

[kyliic]

tcmmcs.

louistomlinson: bc everyone else … isn’t as cool ?? louistomlinson: fun fact i’m like top 5 in instagram records so :) louistomlinson: bless your heart then 

kylizzlemynizzl: i feel i’m excluded in that cause you’re pretty dope tbh kylizzlemynizzl: are you really ? shit ... i should really see where i’m at kylizzlemynizzl: this is why you should retire humanity & just stick with me

[kyliic]

dvlanobrns.

eh, probably. but maybe that’s because your cosmetics are out of stock faster than a lightning bolt. yeah, yeah, just don’t tell anyone that it does. i can’t have anyone knowing that about me. pft, fine ! watch when next christmas comes, i’m going to get everyone a gift except for you. see how that feels. well, that’s unfortunate … for you. i’m, like, the damn king of pranks. it’s hard to pull a fast one on me. don’t call me grandpa unless you’re trying to fight me. nah, not really. kendall is far better than any body pillow. no thanks, i’ll pass.

it’s a good thing i’m allowed first dibs on almost everything, or else i’d seriously be fucked, don’t worry your little kind soul about it, your secret is safe with me ... until it’s time that i blackmail you, of course. kidding, i’m not even like that. don’t say things like that, i’m about to cry. i’d be convinced that you really hate me after that, for real. hold up — you’re joking, right ? you’re gullible as hell, dylan. the only problem i have with that is you lack the bravery to do so, honestly. that was cute and annoying all wrapped up in one, cute. c’mon, i was just having some fun.

[kyliic]

....... js that u ( my precious lovers ) should come on by & look at some at my plots for kylie cause shorty has nothing going on in her life ............lIKE ME :)))) but anyway, i have a plots page ( it’s lame bc i’m #1 trash ) ! ok carry on ily

[kyliic]

kenjfck.

i have no idea what you’re talking about. i can give as MANY hugs as humanly possible, it’s still always shitty to see people cry. especially if you don’t really know the right way make them feel better. stop this, you’re going to make me paranoid. you know those conspiracy theories just exist to fuck with your head, right ? something I N your ass ? that’s gross, you could’ve kept that detail to yourself. or i’d cry hysterically. one or the other, though, definitely. i don’t think so. you’re incredibly beautiful, ky. oh believe me–she isn’t allowed to play with make up unless some one is watching her now. how dare you ! you’re so fucking weird. 

good, now ya’ gotta do is sit back and wait. sometimes i just DON’T want to be affectionate, so, cheering people up literally takes everything out of me. that’s the problem... i’m definitely always saying the wrong thing. there’s no need for paranoia right now, get it together ! well, i’m not ashamed to say that they do their fucking job. it’s J U S T an expression, kendall. taking it in the ass isn’t a hobby of mine, just so you know. no tears, god ... you’re such an emotional ‘lil bean, it bothers me. alright, please stop while you’re still ahead, sissy. i can see the headlines from right now, but seriously, i’m kind of upset that she beat me to the punch ! oh, and you aren’t ? 

[kyliic]

dvlanobrns.

nah, not really. i’m a bigger deal than you, ky. pft, that’s not true. sprayberry is my baby boy, so he’s automatically a bigger deal ! eh, sometimes i think you have, but surprisingly enough i still tolerate you more than others. oh, okay. guess i’ll stop giving a shit about you then, if that’s what you want. fine, i don’t need you to believe me anyway. yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. i get you back better than you ever could get me, anyway. i’m four years away from thirty, shut the fuck up. i don’t have any body pillows. why would i need one when i have a cuddly wife ? it was sarcasm, stop this.

actually, you aren’t wrong about that ! there’s plenty of girls that’ll be content with ... —— whatever movie you just did over kylie cosmetics. that’s a surprise even to me, so, i’m glad that my words actually mean something to you. not having you to worry about would mean one less person to buy a christmas gift for ... this is cool. kidding, love ya’ ! i don’t have that pranking nature in me, which gives you the damn advantage. that’s nothing for the people that are one or two years away, grandpa. that’s a question that you should be asking yourself, don’t cha’ think ? sarcasm has no meaning to me, try again.

[kyliic]

cindyismz.

oh definitely. nothing gets the blood pumping like a good old fashioned cat fight. there are plenty of people out there who live in this safety bubble of their’s. really ? i’d rather be played, knowing i played them right back. i’m not looking to fall in love… it’s bad enough to catch feelings.

i would pay big money to see you throw some hands with someone, honestly. people that only go outside for the newspaper, cin, that’s nothing something that i want for you ! i’m trying to be inspirational ... but, i’m about to fail big time cause i feel the same way. really ? for me, it’s usually one of those ‘ loving the one person you can never have ’ sort of thing.

[kyliic]

tcmmcs.

point exactly ! i ‘ave people all the time ask me ‘ow tall i am or call me small in actuality course . . they won’t listen t’ me when i tell ‘em anyways. it’s worse when you’re a guy cause obviously they expect you t’ be like . . eight foot or some dramatic shit. as most would after this whole factor ‘bout ‘ight n’ all that. well shit i’d go crazy too if i was cooped up in one place twenty four seven. you could be ! beats me.

what’s the point of asking ? like, if they’re just to say their own thing, anyway ? this is why i’m literally done with humanity, i just don’t understand how people work. some girls dig extremely tall dudes, but anyone of them that would turn you down cause of your height is ... well, stupid. yeah, i’m hoping that my future kids love me enough to keep me at home rather than there, or i’m royally fucked. i couldn’t even intimidate a baby if i wanted to, lou.

[kyliic]

ₖyₗᵢₑ ₊ ₍ ₐₗₗ cₒₙₜₐcₜₛ ₎ ── | ₛₙₐₚcₕₐₜ

[kyliic]

tcmmcs.

louistomlinson: i trust that of course !! louistomlinson: i’m POSITIVE someone died  louistomlinson: i really really hope :(

kylizzlemynizzl: seriously ... why can’t everyone be like you kylizzlemynizzl: and yet everyone’s still trying to instagram’s record kylizzlemynizzl: dw, i really don’t see myself tolerating anyone else 

[kyliic]

Text: all contacts

maia: you make a good point there

maia: :/

maia: it was nice knowing you all

kylie: beauty & brains.... the brain is clearly new

kylie: all you have to do is just take a good whack at it

kylie: and possibly kill all of the little babies too

kylie: i probably am not making this any better for you :))))

[kyliic]

kenjfck.

…yeah, that’s A C T U A L L Y it. that’d be so fucking creepy ? it’s always so uncomfortable when people you don’t even know start crying in front of you. well most of the time ! if you went years without crying, i’d be pretty fucking impressed ? also concerned, because you could’ve been kidnapped and there could be a robot kylie walking around. the only people who knew were the ones who visited in south africa, i swear ! they wouldn’t put me in jail, i’m too cute for that shit. i think you look beautiful, ky. did i tell you that gia ATE nearly an entire tube of your lipstick ? they smell too much like vanilla cupcakes, the lil bugger couldn’t resist. i love you sissy ! i did not, that’s slander ! i’m going to go vomit, bye.

i’m F U L L Y aware of what’s going on, so, jokes on you. just hugging them usually does it for me, like, what do you even say to them to make them feel better ? you know i’m working on my fake cry, you can never be too sure that i was even emotional to begin with. don’t, kendall, my nightmares about some of these conspiracy theories have disappeared ... let’s keep it that way. something in my ass told me that i should’ve flown out when i had the chance, but hey, it’s water under the bridge. you’d probably flirt your way out, pregnant and all. stop, you’re way more beautiful. yeah, you should keep the REST of your stash away from her before shit really hits the fan. seriously though, if the formula wasn’t so waterproof and long lasting ... i’d probably be licking them, too. kidding. slander ... lander, blah blah. be my guest, ken. been there, done that.

[kyliic]

dvlanobrns.

oh. you’re right, they did save the best for last. i just saw sprayberry, so, i feel blessed. you’d think i would, but who knows. yeah, yeah, yeah. whatever. but you’re my sister-in-law — so, like, i have to be worried. well, then i’m trying to be nice. that’s messed up, of course they’re genuine. hm, no. not really. but it’s nice to fuck with you every now & then since you’re a little shit. i know, my jokes are hilarious. once you’re older, a bedtime is essential, believe me. um, no ? the fuck, kylie, you aren’t taking my wife out of the bed. i need her for snuggles. yeah, alright, whatever you say.

i hate to be tooting my own horn here, but i’m a pretty big deal ! a bigger deal than sprayberry, that’s for damn sure. no one knows, which has me at a disadvantage cause i don’t know if i’ve annoyed you to the point of no return. cute, but i can definitely handle my own shit. guess who doesn’t believe you ? me. this is the reason why i fuck with you cause you’re always trying to fuck with me, i’m simply getting revenge .. it’s out of love. you’re not even that old, what the fuck. that’s why god created body pillows, it’s not like i’m stuffing her in the guest room with me. whatever i say, huh ? you see, i knew you’d come around someday.