To George, the First Space Monkey

Hi, I'm Allie! I like lipstick, microorganisms, and the Boston Bruins. NSFW-ish, sometimes.

[epicsause-official]

on sharing one's opinons

[makuyi13]

Felt like I needed to share my experience as well

[capacity2]

The cure to anxiety is completing all the tasks you have to finish for the day early and doing them phenomenally and being physically perfect and on everyone’s good side preferably even their favorite.

[tongue-twists]

the enlightened pervert can look beyond kink to find meaning. and then get horny about the meaning instead.

[dogpuppy]

[marmoset-marmoset]

if you put plastic bags inside other plastic bags we KILL you

[fatestayyuri]

had a dream that people were posting real cash bounties for people's deaths on tumblr with the same amount of gravitas and dignity that actual callout posts on here have (none)

[fatestayyuri]

they just appended the bounty to the "offending" posts in question and 90% of the time the OP didn't notice because they had the post muted. it got immediately drowned out by an argument about pokemon. I only found out about it a week later because someone asked if I could disable reblogs, not because it had money out for my head, but so that they could get the last word in on said argument about pokemon.

[fatestayyuri]

artist's rendition

[klapollo]

was the bolivian flag part of your vision and if not why is that the gimmick blog icon

[pipplepantslovescartoons]

I got 2 trans eene thingamajigs... (transish as adult and transish as tweens)

both of these designs are stacks better than my first eene girl designs so yea

[seat-safety-switch]

"Mother, where do dentists go when they die?" asked a young boy at the department store. He was pulling on his mom's skirt with shaking hands. Hands that feared. Feared that he had already taken one too many steps into the irreversible change that is becoming a doctor of dental surgery.

It was not up to him. Across this great land, millions of people become dentists every year through a process that is still as yet unknown to science. No matter what honeyed lie his beloved maternal parent told him that afternoon, fate had already cast that particular arrow. His nascent curiosity into a deviant lifestyle would lead inexorably to being sent to Dentist Hell upon his eventual and premature demise.

Now, Dentist Hell is not really that bad of a place, at least not according to the new Pope. Most people would describe it as pleasant but uncomfortable. When Dante wrote about it, he described it as basically an infinitely long waiting room, with popular hits on the muzak system and one of those little waterfalls. At least, that's on the customer side. Because they had not yet invented competent maxillofacial dental surgery in his time, Dante only had to visit Dentist Hell briefly in order to get a crown adjusted, and was not himself condemned to the supply side. He rated it well on Hell Yelp.

Certainly, your average tooth-attacking professional will be going to a better place than whatever asshole designed the parking lot outside the department store. Damn near ran over someone fleeing the dental school in tears, clutching a smoking Bible.

[ryebreadgf]

[ryebreadgf]

that’s not even all of them.

[superbeans89]

He heard one rumour once

[homunculus-argument]

We should get to have a customisable flair at the bottom of all your posts that says whatever you want it to say. I want to have an automatic text at the bottom of all my posts like

---

Pro tip! If the previous post can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the two is smart and makes sense, and the other is idiotic and makes no sense at all, assume that the meaning is the one that makes sense!

[angrylittlesliceofpizza]

… are we just going to reinvent forum signature from basic principles? (yes please!)

[homunculus-argument]

Yes. I forgot what those are called.

[reverendyoda]

Banners too, please!

[homunculus-argument]

Concept art:

[shadow-banned-the-hedgehog]

[byjove]

Without fail, every time a woman is talking about how she does not want to have children and never wants to be pregnant and how medical professionals, romantic interests and family members keep trying to bulldoze her decision and keep expecting her to change her mind because motherhood is something that is expected of all women and it is abhorrent to think a woman could not desire it, a random mother spawns in the comments to be like “Well, actually, you never know! I didn’t want children and then I got pregnant and I realized I love being a mama and I have five little babies now! Could happen to you! 🥰”

Sister, keep that to yourself or make your own goddamn post, you are ignoring that woman’s central concern and belittling her, you don’t even think you’re doing it. Formerly childfree women who ended up having children and loving it are like detransitioners in the sense that there is nothing inherently wrong with changing your mind about having children or realizing you were mistaken about your gender identity but immediately weaponizing your indecision to tell people that the barriers to healthcare and the violations of their bodily autonomy and the way society ignores that person’s wishes is actually okay because you were wrong. Some people do know themselves.

[marmoset-marmoset]

[sexysilverstrider]

the group chat when i ask whos available to hang out next week

[medusasstory]

Honestly this is one of the best formatted jokes of all time.

[deviantpolitics]

This is what Donald Trump said about Alex Pretti.

“I don't like that he had a gun. I don't like that he had two fully loaded magazines. That's a lot of bad stuff. And despite that, I'd say that's... very unfortunate.”

“You know, you can't have guns. You can't walk in with guns. You just can't.”

~ Donald J. Trump

Don’t miss any opportunity to remind the maga people in your life that Trump threw the 2nd amendment under the bus the minute he felt a little heat from the good people in Minnesota.

[beesandwasps]

It won’t make a bit of difference. The NRA was in favor of gun control when it was the Black Panthers who were advocating for open carry, and so was Ronald Reagan (along with all the then-extremist right wing). It was never about absolutism on gun rights, it was about making a threat against Those People (including everyone on the left). You’re once again expecting a bunch of people who have been liars and hypocrites for decades to suddenly sit up and say “goodness, I must obey the logical consequences of my beliefs, rather than use claims about my beliefs as a way to advocate for my own prejudices and convenience as I have done for my entire life!” It’s not going to happen.

[medievalreligiousfanatic]

[ursus-arctos-horribilis-chadder]

Foul beast ate that adventurer whole, RIP

[vanglaggle]

me: wow im super sensitive and emotional right now. what the hell is going on

the notorious menstrual cycle:

[initiala]

As much as I think it would be fun to have emotive anthropomorphic ears, I also recognize I can barely control my facial expressions. Like hell can I keep from Angry Ears-ing during meetings

[initiala]

This is who you’re having a meeting with, by the way.

[tpwrtrmnky]

watching mythbusters like "wow this show is kind of reddit" and then seeing the light as I realize that no. mythbusters cannot be called reddit (derogatory) because it's more like reddit behavior was codified by trying and failing to act in ways this show popularized