kyt

| a dying student | wannabe writer and artist | and a f*cking sh!t |

[kytrisz]

pregnant | Matt Smith

| pairing. matt smith x reader

requested by. anon

It's been 5 weeks. 5 weeks and you still hadn’t got your period. Gripping down the washroom counter tightly. It was quiet in the four walls of the confined room. With the droplets from the sink filled the room. Leaning against further onto the counter, your eyes follow the trace of the water goblets as they fall down into the drain. You sucked in another shaky shallow breath. With your eyes slowly looking down on the edge of the counter.

Two lines. 

Three pregnancy tests, all shown with two red lines. Positive. 

You feel warm tears streaming down your cheeks, throwing your hands on your lips. Already overwhelmed with what's happening, finding out the truth pushes you to the edge. Finding your chest heavy, with shaky hands, you turn the faucet on splashing the water rigorously to your face. 

"Fuck. What am I gonna do? What do I do?"  you asked yourself panicky. You're not ready. Both of you are not ready for this. The two of you are at the peak of your career. You haven't even talked about having any kids. There wasn't even any conversation about your future. Do you even want kids? What about Matt? God, does Matt even want to have kids—

As if on cue, you heard your phone vibrate inside your bag. Fishing it out, as if God's heard your questions, you find Matt's name pop on the screen.

Fuck. 

Trying to compose yourself, you take a long deep breath. Pressing the small green accept button.

"Took you quite long enough, darling." Matt's voice echoed through the other side of the call. 

Without seeing him physically, you felt him giving a sly smirk. Even if you feel anxious and overwhelmed from the earlier event, a small smile still forms on your face. His voice really is a comfort.

"Are you alright? Has something happened? Where are you?" 

He probably senses your uneasiness, as he continues to ask various questions. Trying to sound and act normal, you replied "I'm fine, I'm fine. Don't worry. I just went out to buy something. How about you? How's the shooting? Is it doing well?" Thankfully Matt is still away for filming. Giving you time and space to think and reflect on the future. Both of your future.

If Matt noticed your abrupt change of topic, he didn't say anything. "It's great! Everything went well, it's such a shame we finished early. I really love working with them-"

Or not.

"You finished early?" you cut Matt off. Another wave of panic washed over you, as you stared anxiously at the pregnancy test.

"Yes, darling... I was going to surprise you. But I found you not here. Is everything really alright?" Matt is now worried. He's not used to hearing you liked this. Like you're...scared?

"Yes. I'm fine. Let's just talk when I get back okay? I love you. Bye." you hurriedly said, dropping the call without waiting for his response. You put your phone inside your bag. Glancing in the mirror, you put light touches to remove any form of evidence of crying and any distress on your face.

Staring at all the three pregnancy tests scattered on the counter, you let out another heavy sigh. Grabbing all of them you consciously wrap it with a paper towel and put it in the bag.

Matt knows something is wrong. Really wrong. He knew you tried to put up an act, but he knew you more than yourself. More than himself. Stalking length around the living room with worries on the back of his mind, he waited patiently for you to come home. In his bare arms, where he can touch and hold you tight. Not letting go.

Therefore, the moment he heard the click of the doorknob, he instantly went to the door. Taking a glimpse of your frame, he pulls you toward his chest. Letting out a comforting smile. As he pulled you off he reached his hands on both side cheeks, caressing your face.

"Are you really alright?" Matt asks once again.

Looking at his eyes filled with adoration and love. You feel a heavy weight on your chest. Will he still look at you the same when he finds out? Instead of giving him an answer, you put up a small smile, before pulling yourself away from him. 

Matt watches you put down your bag on the sofa and stride your way to the kitchen. Following like a lost puppy, Matt called you with worry lace on his tone, "Darling, is something wrong?"

The more you hear and look at him, the guilt, pain, and shame just keep piling on you. You can't do this, you really can't. Feel the anxiety gripping you tightly, a muffled noise let out from your lips. Alarming Matt further, calling your name once again.

Ignoring, you grab a glass of water to drink.  Trying to compose yourself, failing horribly. 

Matt's patience begins to wear thin as he watches you, his worry turning into frustration. "Please, just tell me what's wrong," he pleads. Matt knows you're avoiding him. That's why desperately he forces you to turn around and face. Jolting both of you as the water in your hand slips on the ground. Glass shattering into fragments upon impact.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't-" you whispered as you slowly crouched down to pick it up. But a hand grab to stop you. In silence, you watch Matt as he slowly bends down to pick up the broken pieces. 

After a few moments of silence, you finally choked out. "I'm pregnant." 

You saw Matt stop picking, raising his head in your direction. But you don't have the strength to look at him, tears flood down your cheeks, throwing your head down. "I'm so sorry."

Matt stood up, pulling you, hugging you close. He has his arm wrapped securely around you as you weep onto his chest. His heart aches seeing you breaking into pieces. Kissing your temple, he soothingly rubs your back. "Shhhhh, darling. It's okay. Everything will be okay."

"I'm so sorry Matt." you sobbed. "I didn't mean to. I-I, it's all my fault. 'm really scared-"

"Shhh, Shh, it's okay, darling. It's okay. It's okay." Matt reassured, wiping your tears from your cheeks. Planting a kiss on your head, your nose, your cheeks "It's your body, darling. Your final decision is yours. If you're not ready for this, it's fine. I understand. Okay? I’ll be here."

"I- I don't even know how to be a mom." your emotions weep further.

"You'll learn, I'll learn. We'll learn." Matt whispered to you.

"But what if I’ll suck at it? What if I'll just be a horrible mother to this child?"

"Then I'll be here. I will be here to support you. We can get through this" Matt reassured, leaning his head toward yours, your eyes locked together. "I'll be here. I promise. Everything will be fine."

For a moment, neither of you speaks, the only sound filling the room is the gentle hum of the refrigerator and the occasional creak of the floorboards beneath your feet. With a million thoughts and emotions washing over you. You slowly nodded.  Your fingertips move slowly down his cheek, the gentle caress a silent expression of your love and appreciation.

And as you watch Matt leans into your touch, where his eyes soften as he savors the warmth of your hand against his skin. You finally know the answer.

"Well, let's do it then." You smiled brightly at him, catching him off guard. "Let's create a beautiful nine months and more, journey together." 

A radiant smile spreads across Matt's face as he gazes into your eyes, a mixture of relief and excitement shining in his expression. "Yeah. Alright." He nodded as his voice filled with determination and love. "Let's make this nine months and more, journey unforgettable." With his hands gently resting on your stomach.

[kytrisz]

ruin | Pedro Pascal

| pairing. pedro pascal x reader

It's supposed to be perfect. Everything is meant to be perfect. It's a well-thought-out plan that is thoroughly prepared for months when he's away for shooting. This was supposed to make up for his shortcomings. To show that he's sorry for being an absent prick and that he loves you. He loves you more than everything, even more than life itself. But why can't he do it? Why can't he make everything right? Why can't he just be deserving of your lo—

A powerful thunderstorm flashes across the night sky, whisking Pedro away from the loud voices in his head. Blinking a few times, Pedro shook his head to scan his surroundings and realized he was in the car with you in the passenger seat, who was staring at him worriedly.

Ah... now he remembers.

This was your supposed getaway, to make up for you, to make up for his absence during your anniversary. You were meant to go to the beach house he rented for two weeks. But instead of being in bed with you in his arms, enjoying the peace and quiet. The two of you are stranded in a fucking stupid car in the middle of nowhere with fucking rain pouring harder by the second.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Pedro screamed releasing his frustration as he repeatedly banged his palm on the steering wheel.

A hand the brush in his arm trying to calm him down, "Hey, babe, P, it will be alright—"

Pedro shook his head, "but it's not! it's not fucking alright!" This time he leaned on the steering wheel, and with eyes closed, he dropped his head with a thump.

Why can't he do anything right? Thump.

Why is he so messed up? Thump.

Why is he so messed up? Thump.

A hand was placed on his cheek, preventing him from banging his head even further, and he was slowly dragged away from the steering wheel, facing the owner.

Pedro's rage was quickly wiped away by guilt as he stared at you. He felt worthless. Breaking the eye contact he whispered, "I'm sorry" repeatedly.

Your heartache hearing that, "Hey, hey, it's not your fault." stroking his cheeks with both of your hands.

"But it is. It is. It is supposed to be great, perfect even. Just the two of us having peace for once, but here we are stuck in the middle of a storm because of this stupid car, and it's all my fault!"

Sigh, you despise it when Pedro acts this way, blaming himself for things that aren't his fault. "Hey, don't say that."

When he is about to open his mouth to argue, you shush him, putting your thumb into his lips.

"Look at me.", when he didn't move, you pleaded "Please." 

“It's not your fault”, you say while looking into each other's eyes and caressing your thumb in his cheeks.

It took a moment of silence and staring before Pedro sighed "Alright, alright... I'm sorry I went mental."

"You are always mental," you chuckle, attempting to help him loosen up, which works as he lets out a loud laugh.

"Also I got news, I received a text from the nearby repair shop they said they'll be on their way but it might take some time because of how hard the rain is pouring. So, while we wait for a bit we can do something fun!"

Pedro looks at you as if you've gone insane. "Yeah, let's have fun here inside of a car that is stuck in the middle of nowhere."

You laughed as you listened to him rant on. He's such a drama queen no wonder being an actor does suit him, you said to yourself.

In the middle of his outburst, your attention was drawn outside. You always love the rain. 

It always makes you feel comfortable and at ease, and it's probably the reason you're staying cool in this situation. But what you love the most is the feeling of the continuous splatter of the rain in your skin. It washes your worries, problems, and pain to the ground until you become free from them.  

So, without thinking or caring about the person next to you, you open the door and walk outside. The world becomes silent as you feel the rain connect to you. 

You spin around with your arms extended. You laugh as you enjoy the cool breeze of the rain. Returning your gaze to the car, you proceed to the driver's door, where the window has been rolled down.

 "Come out, it's fun!" you called Pedro. 

"You should be the one coming inside! God y/n you'll get sick!"

Rolling your eyes from his response, you open the door, startling Pedro from inside "Are you crazy! You will get everything here wet! "

Such a princess, you told to yourself. Grabbing him in the arm you drag him out of the car ignoring his protest.

"y/n, I'm fucking wet! Stop laughing!" Pedro groans making you laugh even harder as you swirl in the rain.

Staring at you looking carefree and not bothered about the current situation, Pedro can't help but feel his heart race. It always makes him wonder and a bit jealous of how you can still be optimistic when the world already crashing down. 

Then you surprised him one more when you bowed down and offered your hand to him like a gentleman. "Shouldn't I be the one doing that?" Pedro raised his eyebrows. 

"Well, my dear, the world is changing," amused by his question. "So would you sir allow me to dance you in the rain."

Pedro looks at you for a few seconds before he sighs in defeat. Placing his hand on your palm, you put your hand on his shoulder, while his others placed on your waist, and the two of you waltz in the lost in your own world that’s filled with love and laughter.

 Maybe everything is not ruined at all.

[kytrisz]

left | Cillian Murphy

| pairing. cillian murphy x reader

(Y/N) like to watch him sleep.

That's an understatement, she loves to watch him sleep. He is like a book that she doesn't get tired of studying. His profound nose wrinkles from time to time. His pouty lips let out that snore she hated but loved at the same time. And his beautiful eyes that flutter in his long lashes that she envied so much. All about him is just a piece of art, her piece of art.

But was he, hers?

Tangled both naked in the sheets where moonlight reflects on their bodies. Carefully, she raised her hand at his strong face. Using her forefinger she dips it into his middle brow tracing it down to the tip of his nose, giving him a little bop. A grin painted on her face as she watched him crunch from his nose.

Still not letting it stop her, she switches the place of her hand to his cheeks. His sharp cheek she jokes around will cut her thigh every time he clings and rubs his face into it. 

And lastly, the part she adores the most is his lips. She brings her finger down to the bottom of his lips and slowly rubs it. Reminiscing how this lip touches almost everything on her body.

Always taking time to learn everything about her. To the pore over your body, through the pick at her mind. He knows her like an open book. And he owns her body and soul.

While her... she can't, because he was not hers to have, and will never be. 

Even before this rendezvous happens between the two of them, she knows it's only bound to doom. The eye contact, little touches, the text messages, the calls, the way he called her love. All of it is a mistake. But it was a mistake she committed for 3 years. 

A deed that turns her into a person she despises the most. A mistress, harlot, homewrecker, slut, bitch, and monster who ruined every child's dream for a perfect and whole family. A woman with no fucking morals and a plague in the society. 

Closing her eyes, she feels tears forming in, probably after all these years, the guilt is finally coming back into her. The guilt of spending and fucking someone else's husband and father. 

But even though it was wrong, it still felt right. Why does it feel right? She repeatedly asks herself every time. 

The connection they both held is something more than can be imagined. It's indescribable, indefinable. It's like a puzzle piece that she didn't even know was missing until she was with him. With him, she felt whole, and he felt the same way with her. 

But not every love story always has a happy ending. Now, finally, after 2 weeks she finally made the hardest decision she ever made in her life. 

As she slowly gets off the bed, she knows it's time. Time to finally let him go for the better.

She carefully gathered her clothes and tugged them on. And before she can open the door, she looks at him one last time watching longingly as the moonlight glazes over his figure. 

 And then she left with no trace, leaving everything behind and the home he made for her.

As the morning came on the rise, the person on the other side of the bed was pacing all over the apartment like a caged animal looking for her with his heart and mind filled with pain, confusion, questions, and (Y/N)… 

'Why did she leave when he's ready to leave everything behind… '

[kytrisz]

Why not me? | Matt Smith

| pairing. matt smith x reader   requested by. @shuichiakainx

You're currently in the pub with Matt's castmate, celebrating the success of the House of the Dragon premiere. You are there as his plus one, and also because he said he needed you there. He needed the support of his best friend.

Friend…

That’s what you are, a friend, and always be a friend.

Sitting at the bar station, you stir the beer bottle you are holding while watching everyone around you, more like you're watching him. You study the way he talks animatedly, his expressions, and everything else. And seeing him beam like there was no tomorrow for what he had accomplished today induces a tiny smile on your face. 

As you continued to gaze longingly at him, you didn't notice a figure make its way beside you until it uttered something that caught you off guard.

"How long have you been in love with him?" 

Like a deer caught in the headlights, you whirled around to see who the person was. And it's none other than Emma, Matt's co-star in the show. You tried to school your face as neutral as possible.

"...what do you mean?" you carefully ask, squinting your eyes at her.

"I know that look dear, you don't have to deny it," Emma giggled, waving her hand to the bartender to ask for a drink, who obediently do it. Grabbing the glass, she leans on the counter with her elbows before returning her gaze to you.

"You love him?" Emma asked rhetorically as she drank the shot glass.

You looked at her for a moment before turning away, muttering, "I don't know what you're talking about..."

Emma let out a short laugh, appearing amused at you, then her eyes softened as she noticed you staring at him wistfully again. "A piece of advice, my dear," she beckoned you, drawing your attention and fixing your gaze on her.

"Sometimes...knowing the answer, even if it hurts, is better than regret," Emma murmured, giving you a small smile, before turning and striding her way to other casts, leaving you with your thought to think about what she said.

You let out a weak smile before returning your attention to him. You know it's true, regarding what she said. You tried to confess so many times to him to the point you can't even recall how many now. But every time you tried to tell him, fear always held you back. You don't fear him not loving you back, you fear that everything will change. You know the moment you confess to him your relationship will never be the same again.

You will never be this close again... 

You know he doesn't love you like that. And his past relationships are proof of that. Where you always watch his back while he's looking at her as if she's the most precious thing he ever got.

Thinking about it, you raise your bottle again to drink, forcing all the pain away with the bitter taste of the beer. While sipping, you noticed Matt staring at you. Locking your eyes at his chocolate ones, he gives you his famous charming smile that makes you swoon always. Then he raises his hand, signaling for you to come.

You smile at him as you place the empty beer on the countertop, then take out your wallet to get some cash and leave it there.

Even though you're practically intoxicated and already swaying and dizzy, you try your hardest to get to him without colliding with anyone else. After all, you do want to make a scene.

And when you're already feet away from him. There you saw him, smiling at another girl whose arms wrapped into his shoulder. Stopping you from your feet. 

You keep staring at them as your heart begins to slowly break open on the inside. But what truly crush it is when you saw Matt look at her the way he always at look at his partners before,

with adoration…

You drew a deep breath and slowly backed away from them with your gaze still fixed on them... Then without a second, you spun away from them and hastily made your way to the exit.

As you pushed the door open, you swiftly exited the pub, your lungs heaving and tears welling up in your eyes.  You don't even know why you're crying. You always see him with other girls so what changed, why it hurts? Is it due to alcohol? Many questions arise in your mind, yet none are answered.

With a ragged sob and pent-up tears flowing down your face, you let out a strangled howl. And it only worsened when a thunderstorm appeared and began to pour heavily, leaving you drenched from head to toe. 

"Fuck!" you hoarsely exclaimed as you continued down the road, leaving no care whether you get wet or sick. You just need to get away. You just need to numb the pain, "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuc-" 

"y/n!" you heard a voice call, stopping you in your tracks, and as you turned around, you saw him, the catalyst of your pain, Matt with an umbrella over his head, making his way inside you.

You immediately spun around and continue your way down the street, ignoring his call. You can't face right. You can't. You fucking can'-

"y/n, please, you'll get sick!" Matt pleaded.

You heard a frustrated groan from your back as a sequence of splashes of water became louder.

And before you can turn around to inspect it, a hand in your arm spun you around in a flash stopping you and startling you at the same time. Making you face Matt whose face is painted with frustration and scowl. 

"What the fuck are you thinking, y/n? You'll get sick from what you're doing!" Matt growled, tightening his grip on your arm as you struggled to yank it off.

As you locked your gaze into his, you saw fury flash into his eyes, but it quickly softened as he saw your face drenched in tears, snot, and rain, and as he heard you groan from the grip, he immediately released it, as if afraid of hurting you further.

'The irony,' you thought to yourself.

Matt then raised the umbrella above you and took a deep breath before asking softly, "...what's wrong?"

You both looked at one other for a long time. With him looking at you for an answer, while you... You're thinking. thinking about whether you'll admit it now, what's causing this, why you're crying, your agony, your feelings... 

But just always, you only mutter "nothing" leaving him in his umbrella without saying a word further and making your way to the station.

Dumbfounded, Matt look at your leaving figure. Hurt, confused, angry, he doesn't know anymore, but all he knows is that you're hurting…  He does not want to see you in pain. So, without a second thought, he pushed all his feelings aside and pursued you relentlessly. All he wants is for you to no longer be in pain.

"y/n!" you heard him call you repeatedly, and as usual, you ignored them, focused on getting away from here, getting away from him because you felt your grip is already loosening... 

But something stops you when you hear Matt angrily yell near you, "Why the fuck are you acting this way?!" 

"Leave it be, Matt."

"What the fuck is the problem?!" 

"I said to drop it—"

"Jesus Christ! Just give me a fucking answer-"

You felt something inside you snap, maybe because of the alcohol, as you turn around to him and look at his face "Do you really want an answer?!" cause Matt to stop in front of you.

"It's because I'm jealous! I'm fucking jealous, Matt!" 

Glaring at him with all hatred, "I'm jealous 'cause I love you. I fucking love you! Are you happy now?!" slapping him in his chest, letting out an anguished cry.

"Matt... Matt, why is it so easy for you to notice everyone but me? I'm right in front of you but you never saw me even once." you hoarsely said, closing your eyes you let out another sound strangle wails of pain that came in sync with the sound of thunder and rain pouring harder "Why is it so easy for you to love anyone but me...? Why can't it just be me Matt? Why not me?!"

You fucking said it, you fucking said it... Then there was a long pause. A rough chuckle let out from you when you heard nothing coming from him, only the continuous thundering and rain hitting the ground. This is it, everything changes now, everything is over... All will become strangers and nothing more. 

You spin around and rush away without even bothering to look at him. That's what you're always good at, running from everything, especially him.

As you keep on running further you didn't hear a thump of an umbrella thrown into the ground, and shoes splatting on the wet ground

And everything becomes too fast, as you felt a hand on your shoulder forcefully spinning you around, then two hands cupping your cheeks, and without even realizing lips landed on yours. The kiss was hard, ugly, and imperfect as filled with anger, pain, anguish, frustration... But even so, it's beautiful. The kiss is imperfectly beautiful.

As both of you felt having no breath left, you felt Matt reluctantly pull away from you, almost as if he didn't want to. And both your eyes lock, and you noticed a range of emotions lingering in his eyes. It spun with love, joy, fulfillment, and longing. You've never seen such emotion in his eyes before, and now it's staring right at you, causing you to feel overwhelmed.

And then he let out the three words that destroy all your expectations 

"I love you," Matt whispered to you longingly, staring at your eyes, your nose, your face, studying you as if this is your last "I love you very very much y/n, and I'm sorry for everything," 

As he continues saying his sorry to you let out a heavy sob from his confession, you feel so happy, you never once thought he would even feel the same. 

As you let out a chuckle you grab his right hand with both of your hands, making him pause from what he is saying and solely focus on you. Caressing it, you raise the back of his hand into your lips planting a longing kiss before returning his gaze to yours.

"Let's start a new," you muttered to him, smiling.

Looking at you dazed and stunned, all he did was nod and let out a happy grin.

A fresh start, a fresh start from everything else, and a new chapter in life. And this time, you'll be in the same chapter. Nobody but the two of you. 

[kytrisz]

Are you happy? | Matt Smith

| pairing. matt smith x reader  

It's been a while since you and Matt, your boyfriend for quite some time now, spent time together. Due to his project, which has kept him gone for nearly 6 months, and your hectic schedule, the two of you have had little time for each other. So being together now is quite a new fresh air in the relationship.

Both of you book a stone house in Italy countryside to get away from everything else, as he said "everything felt too fast-paced", which you have the same sentiment with.

During your stay, you did a lot of activities together to compensate for the time being apart for so long. You went for a walk in the forest, had picnics in the backyard, gazed at the stars at night, and even rode your bikes down the street. Everything felt peaceful, everything is perfect, 

well almost...

You're currently laying on the couch after returning from dinner at a restaurant near the house that Matt reserved for you. It was a great spot, with delicious cuisine and beautiful scenery. Making your heart thump lightly when you realize how well Matt knows you.

You snuggled against his chest, listening to his breathing and the beat of his heart, while his fingers write things in your back you don't understand.

As you were about to slumber way to sleep, you felt him grumble as if he was saying something.

"...hmmm?" you asked, carefully placing your chin on his chest as you looked at him, more like catching him staring at you. Where his chocolate eyes are fixed on you and nothing else. Making you feel butterflies on the inside. He always never fails to make you feel special, as if you're a treasure he wants to keep.

"Did you say something?" you asked softly, staring at him with wonder.

It took a minute of silence and staring before Matt let out a chuckle, putting his hand on your head to caress it, "How long have we been together, love?"

"It's almost what, 3 years now I guess," you murmured, then realizing, "3 years... Matt!" you cried, surprised at how long you and Matt had been together. Startling him, who is below you.

"We've been together for 3 years! 3 years! I felt so old now," you chuckle.

"Shouldn't I be the one saying that?" Matt jokes, after all, you guys have quite a big age gap.  And it's no secret among the general public, who are constantly making comments about it.

Letting out a small chuckle you lay again to snuggle to his neck and mumbled "That's true", laughing alongside him.

A moment of silence enters again, only your breathing and his can be heard in the room along with the two hearts beating in sync.

As your breathing turns to shallow, and your eyelids begin to drop, you felt yourself detach from reality and began to fall asleep.

But just as your eyes were about to close, you heard Matt utter something that threw you off guard. 

"Are you happy to be with me, love?"

"... "

When you didn't answer, Matt glances down to give you a soothing smile. "You don't have to answer, my love," he sighed, but you can hear the shakiness in his voice.

Staring at his chocolate orbs as if looking for an answer, you finally replied "Sometimes..."

You watched him arch his brow, looking a bit confused but mostly bothered by your answer. He may not say it, but you know he always beat himself up for not being present in your relationship.

"Because you annoy me a lot," you said seriously but failed as he poked your sides and laughed.

"But seriously, I do." fixing your gaze on his "I'm glad I spent my last three years with you."

"Why?"

"Hmm, what do you mean why?" A bit confused by his question.

"Why are you happy being with me?"

You saw in his eyes filled with contemplation, bother if he should take back what he said.

Sighing, you pull yourself up and straddle his waist. "Well, I'm happy being with you because even though we're miles apart, you never fail to make me feel alone. You always try your best to call me and even text me when you don't need to. You even do things that you don't even like because you know it makes me happy! But do you know what truly makes me happy?"

"Hmm?" 

"I'm happy because you love me," you grinned, leaning forward to touch his forehead and caress his cheeks, "and I'm happy because I love you"

And through your answer, Matt smiled at you with contentment, and all the worries you saw in his eyes finally washed away.

"I love you so much, Matt, more than you can imagine," you said solemnly.

Looking at you adoringly, he replied, "And I love you so," placing a hand on your head to lower you and plant his lips into yours.

At that moment, time appeared to stop and the world faded away, leaving just the two of you in your little universe with your hearts dancing to the rhythm of their symphony. 

[kytrisz]

what about me? | Katya Zamolodchikova

| pairing. katya zamo x reader

It's another day and another breath of life to have fun and enjoy... well for some. Brian strides into the white-painted hallway with food and entertainment in his bag. Passing all of the people on his way at a fast pace,  until he reach his end. 

Room 441

He carefully took a deep breath and opened the door, putting on his famous smile to hide his stress from the drag, problems, worry, and pain. As he enter the room, he was greeted by the most beautiful thing in his life, you.

Who was sitting in the bed and staring at the window, looking in deep thought.

"Hey Barbara, how are you?" Brian greeted, causing you to snap from your thought, and look in his direction.

Just seeing him puts a big smile on your face, "Still alive and still breathing" you joked.

Brian gives a small wheeze at your response while entering the room. He carefully put all he brought in the table beside you and took it out. 

Just hearing his laugh, you know it’s fake, but you just kept it to yourself and didn’t say anything. 

You withdraw to your thought again as you look at him while he does his thing. You study how he moves, and how his muscle flexes each time.

"But really, how are you? I heard the surgery will happen this week... are you ready?" Brian asked, turning his face toward you.

"Hmmm... I'm fine, just a bit of discomfort here and there, and yeah, this week. Still don't know what to feel about it" you said, followed by a small chuckle.

He smiles at you while striding into your bed with some fruits in the tray "You'll be okay, I know you will. So here's some snacks to give you energy, you big baby bitch" he teases.

"Shut up! And excuse me, I'm your baby." 

Brian gazes at you for seconds, before cooing, "Yes, you are."

Silence occupied the room as you started to devour the fruits, while Brian quietly sat there beside you in deep thought. He may not say it out loud, but you can feel that he is already at the point of cracking up. 

Once you were finished, he took up the plate and put it in the sink, still quiet than what you were used to. 

You examine him for a bit, and out of nowhere you blurted, "I'll be fine, you know."

You saw Brian stop what he was doing, turning his head towards you, "What?"

"I said I'll be fine... Whatever happens at the end, I'm going to be fine."

"...Where is this coming from?" Brian stares at you.

You stared at his blue orbs before letting out a sigh, "All I'm saying is you don't need to worry... I'm going to be al–"

Brian chuckled lowly "Is this your way of saying 'This a goodbye, because I'm going to die?', Shit drama?"

"What? No— What I—"

"Well, it's not working." Brian cut you off. Staring daggers at you, "So drop it."

"B, please I-"

"I swear If I hear more of this fucking shit from you, I'll be the one who will be the cause of your death, so do fucking shut up." Brian hissed.

"B... I'm going to be fine—I'll be okay—"

"But what about me, (Y/N)?! What about me!" Brian shouted, lashing out all the pain he's been keeping from the start "Did you even think what will happen to me?" His voice cracked.

"You'll be fine, you'll be okay, but what about me? Did you think I'll be fine?" 

"Brian—"

"Well, I'm not! Right now, I'm not! I'm not okay with what's happening to us, and I'm not okay with what's happening to you. So you don't have a right to say you'll di—No because I can’t-, you have to do this for me. You have to live for me, (Y/N), if you can't do it for yourself, do this for me, please, (Y/N)— or else I-I—"

"Or else what?" You sighed,

Locking his bloodshot eyes in yours, you can see all the emotion swirling into them "Or else I will never forgive you."

Baffled by what he said, you plead, "For dying?"

"For making me love you!" Brian yelled with all his heart, "So you have to do this for me, (Y/N), you have to—" Brian hysterically cried.

You gently grab his arm and pull him into your embrace, making him sit on the bed. 

Brian nuzzles his head into your neck and wraps his arms around you. Sinking to the warmth of your brace. "You have to do this for me... I can't live without you, (Y/N), please…" Brian whimpered beside your ears.

You choke from what he said, causing tears to stream down your face. Taking a deep breath, you put your hand on his head and caress it, hoping it will make him feel at ease.

But you know it's not enough, so to make him calm down you finally said the assurance he wanted to hear.

"Okay... I promise I will live."

Even though you know to yourself it will be a lie.

___  

| inspired. grey’s anatomy

[kytrisz]

im so happy i found your tumblr cause i can’t find many raja fanfics and so far whatever you’ve written is amazing! do you happen to have a wattpad account or would you consider writing a fanfic just with rajaxreader?

request: whenever you have time could maybe write about rajaxreader trip to bali, swimming in the ocean together & meeting raja’s family :)

Ello ello ello! Sorry it took me a really. really. long time to write this. Kinda become busy for a while with some stuff, but here it is and I'm very thankful for your request and support. And if you ever have some request, don't hesitate to ask one! Regarding the wattpad, don't have one, and what do you mean by that? like create a multi-chapter? kinda impossible, I'm really more into one-shot.

happy | Raja Gemini

| pairings. raja gemini x reader

happy | Raja Gemini

| pairings. raja gemini x reader "Stop doing that," you said, looking at Sutan who is non-stop fidgeting beside you. Sutan turned his head

[kytrisz]

happy | Raja Gemini

| pairings. raja gemini x reader

"Stop doing that," you said, looking at Sutan who is non-stop fidgeting beside you.

Sutan turned his head to you instant like, like a deer caught in the headlight "W-what?"

"You're fidgeting, babe," pointing to his legs, which he halts too. You give him a worried glance before continuing "What's wrong?"

Sutan look at you for a minute then let out a big sigh. He raise his hand to brush his hair into his back "I'm just worried for later, you know," he admitted.

Hearing that you could help but give him an amused look because you should be the one in his place, not him. "Shouldn't I be the one who needs to be nervous? After all, I'll be the one that'll be meeting a family." 

You and Sutan are currently on a plane flying to Bali to celebrate his mother, Vera's birthday. And according to him all of his extended family will be there, making it a big celebration. 

And that is very nerve-wracking since this is your first time meeting his side of the family.

Putting your hand on top of his, you caress it, locking your gaze on him, and you gave him a comforting smile. "Everything will be fine, Sutan."

It took Sutan a minute before muttering "Yeah.. yeah," giving you a tight smile. He leans into you to give a peck, "Everything will be fine."

----

Sutan wants to die in shame for even thinking such things in his family.

These are the family who accepted him and supported him from being gay to doing drag. So why would he even think they wouldn't accept you for being with him! 

He stood by at the front of the cottage beside the beach that they rent for the whole trip, watching you interact with his family. 

You were near the water with some of the Sutans' family. Bombarding you with curious and childish looks and questions. And from the look on your face, you enjoy answering each of them.

Sutan looks at you in awe, with a small smile. Seeing you with his family really stir something inside of him. It's comforting, peaceful, and at the same time, complete. Everything felt complete.

"She's perfect," Vera said, walking beside Sutan, who turns his head towards her with surprise. He never heard his mother say anything to you the moment you guys landed in Bali. She only just watch, especially when you were with the kids. His mother is not really always outspoke to her feelings, she shows it through her action. So hearing her said that, shows that she already accepted you as part of the family. 

"She must be lucky to have you." 

"No... No, Ma," Sutan turns away from his mother and looks at you, locking his gaze on yours  "I'm the one who is lucky."

Vera looks at her son adoringly. She knows, even if he tried to hide it from her, she always knows all of the struggles and pain he has been through, she is his mother after all. So looking at him right now, Vera couldn't help but feel proud of everything he accomplish. "Are you happy?"

Sutan gave her a wide with a twinkle in his eyes "I am... so much."

"Sutan!" (Y/n) shouted getting Vera and Sutan's attention. Waving your hands at them "Come here!"

"It seems that (Y/n)'s needs you, you should go."

Sutan gave his mother one last look before running towards you, with Vera watching everyone with happiness swirling in her eyes. You really are a great addition to the family.

----

All of his family already went back to the cottage, leaving you and Sutan with yourself swimming on the beach.

With your arms wrapped around his neck, locking your eyes with his, you ask the question that nudged you the whole day. 

"Are you happy?"

Sutan look at you with so much love, a smile formed on his face, and just like what he said to his mother, he replied "I am... so much." 

----

 | request. 

[kytrisz]

drunk | Adore Delano

| pairings. adore delano x reader

You and Adore have been friends for a long time, before the fame, the Drag Race, the American idol, all of this you have been there with her from the start, and never once did you complain about it. Even within those years, it's not only just the span of your friendship that grows... but also the feelings you held for her. 

"7 years (Y/N)! Ohh my gosh 7 fucking years, you've been pining for 7 mother fucking years!" (Y/F) slurry exclaimed, waving a bottle of beer in front of your face. "You really embody being a masochist bitch!"  

You drunkenly laugh at what she said.

"And you know what's more amusing about it?" (Y/F) lazily asks you.

"Hmmm... what? " 

(Y/F) drop her bottle on the table and stare at you teasingly "Is that you look like you don't plan to stop~"

Hearing that, you break off the eye contact and slightly twirl your bottle "Will I just really throw it away..?" you roughly chuckle.

"You know— me and her" pointing to yourself waveringly. Changing the topic.

"What? " (Y/F) lifting her brow at you 

"Me and her— we can make great pair, we can be a great pair," 

"... But? "

"But, but, but—She doesn't love me back," you answered, stumping your bottle on the table.

(Y/F) cackles at you, "And you're still hoping, slave."

"Hey, I'm not a slave!" Pointing a glare at her

(Y/F) looks at you with doubt then smirks. She forward herself at you to make face to face "Then, why the fuck are you here? Why the fuck did you flew all the way here to LA?"

You blink dumbfounded, the question took you off guard. It's true though, why are you here? You don't have anything to do here, so why-

Ah...

You felt the answer click immediately in your head, it's because she said she needs you to be here. 

You're here because of her. Everything is always about her.

"Hey, bitches, what are you up to?!" A voice interrupted your thought, and you turned your head to see who called you. And there she is, the person of your ruins,

Adore...

"Adore darling, how's the preparation?" (Y/F) asks, tilting her head.

"It's going well, I'm pretty excited- is that a beer, can I have some? Need something strong today!" Adore excitedly ask, looking at you with a cute pleading look, making your heart go beat faster. 

You just hum in response, and give her the bottle you were drinking, which she gladly took and tilted her head to drink it.

Your eyes locked into her face, and as always it took your breath away from how gorgeous she looked. No matter if she's in drag or not, she never fails to make your heart skips a beat with her looks. You study the way her face churns from the beer, causing you to form a small smile.

Cute.

"Fuck bitch, I need this!" Adore exclaimed, after drinking the beer. She then gives you back the bottle "That's fucking strong!" pointing to the bottle. Adore tilted her head to both of you and (Y/F) with a curious look "So bitches, what are you talking about?"

You felt nervousness creep into you because you're still not ready yet to tell her it. You gave (Y/F) a quick glance, which she immediately jump in to reason out.

"Oh, you know about work and stuff. You know how cruel the corporate world is to us slaves right?" (Y/F) smile.

Adore looked at you in doubt, as if trying to know if it was true or not. However, before she can open her mouth, a staff taps on her shoulder saying it's her cue. Adore blink for a second before turning her head to you two

"Well, bitches, it's my time to shine! See you later!" she farewells, then follows the staff.

Your eyes never left the leaving figure, even until it blurs in your sight.

Sigh

___

‘And now let me introduce the rock star legend from drag race season 6...  ADORE DELANO!’

The whole crowd turned wild when the Adore song blasted from the speaker. Then there she is the queen who stole your heart, striding on the stage with confidence and beauty. Just like always she never fails to hype up the audience.

And then she began to sing, entrancing you with her voice. Every word that left in her mouth only hypnotised you even more into thinking about her voice and hers alone. It's like everything that surrounds you is muted and goes to blur, except her, making you smile wider. And the moment she looked at you, it's like a cherry on top of the ice cream, it's perfect, everything is perfect.

Almost...

Your smile went strain the moment she went to the guy in front of her, that looks like her type, and like in Adore fashion way, she flirted with him. All you can do is watch it unfold and hear your heart crack into pieces. But the pain doesn't stop there, because the crack you felt turned into crush after you saw her put her hands on the guy's face and plant her lips on his.

You immediately turn your head away from it and drink the beer straight without stopping, hoping the bitterness can numb the pain you're feeling. 

"Hey, are you... okay?" (Y/F) look at you with concern, instead of replying you just look at her, and it's enough for her to know you're not.

You took a deep breath and you stood up waveringly, making (Y/F) jump a little from surprise, then you picked up another bottle since the other is already empty. 

"I'm going back to the hotel," you announced slurry.

"A-are you sure? You're pretty drunk—"

"I'm fine (Y/F)."

" But—"

"I said I'm fine. " Making (Y/F) stop fussing. "I'm fine, I'm just pretty t-tired."

And without a second thought, you went to the front door and opened it, but before you stepped outside, you gave Adore one last look, then you left.

___

When Adore went back to the hotel room, you can tell she is pretty drunk, especially how she was stumbling in the room. Thankfully, you're a bit sober up to help her sit in her bed. 

The two of you are sharing a room since it's the only one available in the hotel. Thankfully it's a two-bed space, so you don't have to share the same bed with her.

"Bitch, where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you" Adore drunkenly said, after sitting comfortably on the mattress.

You sit on the next bed beside hers and just plump into it. "I'm just tired..."

"Oh really? I-I doubt that" pointing at the bottles of beer below the bed. You take a look at it and chuckle from getting caught. Grabbing some 2 bottles that are left, you offer her one up.

"Want some?" you ask.

Adore stares at it for a second, before grabbing it from your hand "Well there is always enough room for another one."

She opens it up and drinks and the same way goes for you. Drowning yourself again from the pain.

"So why did you really leave?" Adore seriously ask, snapping you away from your thoughts.

You look at her and her staring at you, waiting for an answer.

"Hmm... I'm just—tired"

".... Really?"

"Uhuh—really" you chuckled roughly.

A moment of silence enters again.

But everything is ruined when your drunk mouth opens up.

"I love you," you whispered quietly but it was enough for Adore to hear it and look at you straight in the eyes.

Still not looking at adore, you repeat "Adore—Danny... I love you, Danny"

Biting your lip, you force yourself to look at her  "Danny, I loved you for seven years,"

"I've been in love with you for seven years..." you whimpered. You covered your face with your hands when you felt tears start strolling down your cheeks.

"Seven years..." 

You felt Adores slowly go beside you. She carefully takes your hand away from your face and studies you. Then unexpectedly plant her lips into yours, kissing you softly.

You also return the kiss. As she devours you, you can taste the beer she had earlier. You keep kissing, as she lies you down on the bed. You close your eyes as you savour the moment you shared.

Then it's like cold water dumped into you when her lips plant kisses on your neck because that is when you realise.

She's drunk... and everything of this is not real.

You gently pushed Adore away on top of you, making her sit in bed, and without saying anything, you left the room, with your heart finally broken.

___

After that night, you haven't seen Adore for a couple of days, and you're hoping that this hide-and-seek can last longer than you think, but it turns out the universe again has another plan for you. Because you're here again in the club where she will be having her show. Maybe what (Y/F) said is true, you really are a fucking Masochist.

Chuckling lowly, you drink the beer you were holding, while watching and waiting far away from the stage for the show to begin.

"(Y/N)..." A voice interrupted you. Even without looking, you already know who that said person is.

You felt Adore slowly go by your side, with her stares lingering on you. 

Silence

You keep your eyes locked on the stage, afraid that you will break down again the moment you took a glance at her.

"(Y/N)..." Adore repeated, looking at you anxiously "(Y/N), I'm sorry."

"..."

"... I'm sorry, (Y/N)"

You closed your eyes for a second and took a sharp breath, you finally answered "Why do you keep saying sorry? You did nothing wrong," 

"... It's not your fault that you don't love me after all. So stop saying sorry" you continue.

You heard her take a deep breath like she was struggling to say something. 

"(Y/N) I—"

"Ms. Adore, it's time." a staff interrupted you two.

You felt her contemplate. Struggling with what to do right now.

"I'll be there— can you just give me a minute?" Adore frustratingly ask the staff.

"Just go Adore, they need you..." you nonchalantly said, still trying to look up straight.

You felt Adore look at you once again, before letting out a harsh sigh. As you close your eyes, you sense Adore leaving your side, and you finally let out the large sigh you were holding. You lift the bottle again to your mouth to take another drink, but before it can even touch your lips, Adore said something unexpectedly that made your eyes go wide.

"What makes you think that... I don't love you?"

___

| inspired. i’m drunk, i love you

[kytrisz]

can I request a raja fic where reader (raja's partner) is a famous model and she got to be a guest judge on AS7. Love your works ! 🫶🏼

Ello Ello! Thank you for the request it took me some time to write it, but here it is. Hope you'll enjoy it, and if you have some requests, don’t hesitate to ask. Ja ne~

tease | Raja Gemini

| pairings. raja gemini xx reader 

tease | Raja Gemini

| pairings. raja gemini xx reader As7 Ep 3: Ball of Fortune "Are you ready for the runaway?" Monet asks the person beside her. "Duhhh bit

[kytrisz]

tease | Raja Gemini

| pairings. raja gemini xx reader 

As7 Ep 3: Ball of Fortune

"Are you ready for the runaway?" Monet asks the person beside her.

"Duhhh bitch, I'm born to be ready" Raja answered, who is also finishing her makeup.

"Or more like born to be wild?" Monet smirks, causing some of the queens to chuckle.

Raja playfully rolled her eyes at them, "Very funny…Bob" Raja looks at Monet with a smirk.

All the queens inside the Werq Room let out a loud laugh, shouting "YASZZ!" and "OHHHH BITCH!"

During the commotion, Raja used the moment to take a glance at the picture that is taped on the vanity in front of her. It was the picture of both of you in Paris together, where you two celebrated your anniversary.

Raja study your features, and couldn't help but wonder how she got lucky to have someone as beautiful not only outside, but also inside as you. You always never fail to make her heart skip, even if it's just a photo of you, it still makes her stomach feel butterfly.

"Miss her don't you?" A voice startled Raja, she immediately pivot her head and saw Jinkx already in drag behind her.

"W-What?"

Jinkx gives an amused look, before repeating herself again "I said you must miss the beautiful lady in the picture, don't you?"

Finally gathering her though, Raja nods. Turning her head in front to longingly look at you again, she whispered "Yeah, yeah I do."

"Who did this bitch miss?" Jaida loudly entered the conversation, getting all the queen's attention, and being the curious queens they are, they went to Raja's area, who seem a bit bothered being crowded by them.

Seeing Raja a bit uneasy with the attention, Jinkx replied in her stead "Her girlfriend~"

Silence…

Raja felt the nervousness rush into her, It's not like your relationship is a secret, but with both of your careers as public figures you guys try to keep it lowkey. Making it your family and very, very close friends only know about your relationship.

"A girl? You're in a relationship with a GIRL?!" Jaida blurts out, breaking off the silence wrapping the room.

"Yeah, what about it?"

"OHH, MY GOD!! I never thought Roger would be ROGER!" Trinity laugh, cracking everyone up.

"So who is this unlucky human being? Does this person have a name?" Monet cut in.

"Hmm, her name is (Y/N)" Raja let out a small smile, she grabbed the picture in front of her and caressed it with yearning. Everyone gathers to see the mystery woman in the picture.

"Wait, wait, WAIT MAMAW! I-Is that (Y/n)? As in (Y/N)? Your dating THE (Y/N)(L/N)?!" Jaida exclaimed with wide eyes.

"Is that the model one?" Vivienne ask.

Before Raja could answer Vivienne, Jaida beat her first "Bitch, she is not just any model, SHE IS THE FUCKING SUPERMODEL!!"

Jaida turns her head to focus again on Raja, "You're really dating her? As in DATING her?!"

Raja amusingly look at her reaction and everyone else, as they crowded her, intent to get the answer out of her.

"So are you dating her or what?" Shea shook her head impatiently, crossing her arms as she waited for the answer just like everyone.

Making them wait for a minute since she enjoys making them suffer, Raja finally answered under her breath, "Yes…"

The room was immediately filled with the sound of gasping, squealing, and any long high pitched noise you could think of.

Everybody, except Jinkx, starts to ask Raja a lot of questions and requests, making the older queen a bit uncomfortable. Thankfully a staff enter to break off the commotion

"Okay queens, you have 8 minutes left before going into the runway!" The staff announces the room, causing all of the queens to go back to their tables and finish working.

Raja let out a big sigh of relief, she then turns back to the vanity and finish her work. However, before she began, she gives your picture one last look as an inspiration.

After all, you were the muse of her drag

______

The queens are already lined up for judgment on their performance. All are prepared and ready to win for this week's challenge.

All of them are focused on the judges, especially RuPaul.

Raja felt nervousness and worry rising in her. This is a design challenge after all, and she is known to be the fashion icon of drag, so the pressure is really on.

However, that pressure doubled when RuPaul announce another twist.

"Now before the judging begins, I have an announcement to make. There's one more queen I will add to this competition."

A series of emotions and reaction form in each of the contestant's faces.

"And the queen that we all love and adore, let us welcome back in the main stage… Manila Luzon!"

What?!!

Everyone immediately turn their head at the runway entrance and saw a back figure with a familiar white wig in a stunning silver gown.

Raja is now confused, Manila wasn't a winner of any season or anything at all. So how come she is fucking here?!!

She carefully studies the figure and notices something different, especially the height, resulting her thinking it could not be Manila and can be someone else instead. RuPaul after all likes to make a twist inside of another twist. Therefore, who could this person be?

Her thoughts were cut by the sound of shrieks coming from the other queens when the 'Manila Luzon' turned around and walk across the runway. Raja's eyes went wide after she realize its not Manila at all.

It's YOU.

Her heart flutters as she watches you regally and sophisticatedly walk the stage, the same as what you always do on every fashion week runway, grabbing everyone's attention in the studio.

"My queens, say hello to one and only (Y/N) (L/N)!" RuPaul introduces you with a smile.

The room instantly erupted with cheers and whistles, making you feel bashful.

"I'm very grateful for being here Ru and I'm a big fan of everyone here! "

"But I heard you also have your favorites, is that true? " Ru cheekily asks you, even though she already knows the answer.

Raja felt her cheeks become warm after she caught you looking at her with a smirk.

"Yeah I do have one" then you give Raja a wink, making her flustered even more

______

And so the judging begins.

Truth be told, you were kinda worried about giving critics to other people since you're pretty much a player instead of a judger. That's why at first you were reluctant on accepting the invitation of being the guest judge. However, you still pursue it because it's also the only way to see Raja after weeks of not being able to be together.

Thankfully you were able to perform well and give each queen the critics they deserve for the week.

"Hello Raja," you said with a sultry voice that she loves, giving her a flirty look. Causing her to blush, you love teasing her in public.

"Your outfit is very stunning and regal. The way how you make the collar, sleeves are utterly astounding. All of this defines y-"

"You're so beautiful." Raja cut you off, stopping you midway.

You blink for a couple of seconds, caught off guard "Co-come again?"

She gives you a teasing smirk before repeating herself again "I said, you're very beautiful and I love you,"

Realizing what she said, everyone starts to whistle, laugh, and tease the two of you, including the judges, making your face to be full-blown red from embarrassment and surprise. You didn't expect her to say that in public, especially with everyone around the globe could watch it.

Thankfully everyone calm down, but still there some teasing whispers can be heard.

"Continue (Y/N)," Ru said, trying to hold her laugh.

Rolling your eyes, you try to compose your posture again "Thank you Ru, so back to you Raja, like I said — stop that!"

"Stop what?" Raja innocently ask.

"That!"

"What?!"

"Looking at me like that! Stop distracting me! "

"I'm not doing anything." But you know she is fully aware of what she is doing. She is giving you that hot look again!

"I hate you," you grumble.

" I love you," Raja replied sweetly.

"Okay let's stop this relationship quarrel, we don't want to get illness from this so-called PDA." Rupaul said, making you low your head from embarrassment.

You saw Raja give you a satisfied smirk and it only irks you even more.

Raja may not be the winner of this week's challenge, but she's already felt like a champion from what she did. Annoying the hell out of you.

[kytrisz]

giving heads | Katya Zamolodchikova

| pairings. katya zamo x reader

Both of you and Katya are currently in the bar where she's having her show. Since you are a supportive girlfriend you come along with her. And being her girlfriend comes with a lot of privileges that include spending your time lounging in the dressing room with her while she finishes her retouches. 

All of the queens performing are either on stage or at the bar, so you are the only one who's occupying the room.

"Don't open your mouth too wide дорогой, you'll drool," Katya smirks after catching you staring at her from the vanity mirror.

You immediately collected yourself and give her a rolled eye "More like puking." 

Katya gasps, she turns her head at you, and dramatically puts her hand to her chest "Excuse me bitch, this face that you want to puke at is loved by many!"

"Yeah, people who are mentally ill."

"Bitch, so you're now admitting you're sick as fuck huh? Never knew it would come to this." Katya turns her head and finishes her retouching.

You just stared at her for a moment "Yeah... probably I am. By the way, I have a question."

"Bring it on, babe."

"Are you... tuck?" You asked.

"Hmm, no I'm not, why?" She responds still busy with her makeup.

Hearing that an idea forms in your head, you let out a playful smirk before standing up from the couch and slowly making your way up to her.

"Oh, nothing just curious that's all."

Katya, who is oblivious to what you're up to, just nods at your answer. After the final retouch, she spun her chair to look at you. 

"Anyway дорогой, what do you want to eat for di— What are you doing?" She asks, catching you bend down the eye level of her crotch.

But instead of replying, you bend yourself even more.

Katya nervously flick her head to the dressing room that is half wide open, "People could come in (Y/N)—But who am I to deny?" She excitedly said, feeling the thrill and arousal rushing into her.

You let out a big grin when you saw her dick getting hard behind her clothes.

"Never knew you were in this kind of stuff дорогой, just be quick though I'll be up—"

"Here's your brush, you drop it earlier." You cut her off, a smile slowly forming in your place as you give her the fallen brush. 

Katya looks at you with her mouth wide open. And to add insult to injury, you give her an innocent kiss on her cheeks before turning around and walking back to the couch. 

But before you can take a seat, a hand forces you to spin around and push you to the couch, trapping you between it and her. 

Then you were greeted by an annoyed look from Katya, indicating she was not amused by what you did.

"Did you really think you could do that and get away with it without any consequence?" She growls, her eyes narrowed at you. Putting her hand on your neck and giving it a little squeeze.

She lowered her head and put it beside your ear, biting it roughly "Well that's where you're wrong, cause I'l—"

Knock Knock

"Katya, you're up next" a voice interrupted her outside the room. Katya let out a frustrated growl before pulling herself off you.

She took a quick look from the vanity and then made her way to the door. But before she leaves, she stops and turns her head to give you one last look and warning. "Don't even think we're finished 'cause it's only a preview дорогой. The main will be later tonight." 

Then she left. A wide smirk is painted on your face as you watch the figure fades away from your sight. You get excited about what will happen later. It may be a punishment, but either way, you still get what you want.

______

| дорогой : dear

[kytrisz]

can I request a raja fic where it's their first time seeing each other again after AS7 filming?

Ello! Thank you for the request, sorry it took me a long time to create one, kinda busy in school right now. But here it is, I hope you’ll enjoy it! And also if you have some more requests, don’t hesitate to ask. Ja ne~

always | Raja Gemini

pairing. raja gemini x reader

https://at.tumblr.com/kytrisz/always-raja-gemini/edee0vaedxlm

[kytrisz]

always | Raja Gemini

| pairings. raja gemini xx reader 

You and Sutan have been friends for a long time, way back since high school. And even after he drops and pursues his career as a drag queen and an artist your relationship never wavers, things never change, it's like you are the only constant thing in his life, which makes him love you even more, because you were there together, thick and thin. Forever and ever-

Or so he thought...

"Raja I got in!" You came rushing into her in the dressing room. Both of you are currently in a bar, where she's currently performing, and of course, you were there to support her.

Raja looks at you amused, watching you jump and down, not being able to contain your excitement.

"Raja I got in! I got the offer!" 

Hearing that, Raja's face turns upside down, and her heart drops.

"Y-you got it?"

"You know, the one that I was talking to you about, freelance photography! Here look at this" You immediately put your phone straight into her face, watching her read the details.

Of course, she knows that job. It's the one you talk nonstop about. The one that is your dream job, that has a great offer, and the one that-

"They just called me earlier asking if I can fly to Europe tomorrow! RAJA EUROPE O MY GADH! Can you believe it?! I'm going to Europe-"

Will take you away from her.

Hearing you leaving for Europe, I felt his world come crashing down. you will leave everything behind, you will leave him... and as much as he wants you to stay... 

"O My God, I'm so happy Raja!"

He can't. 

"Me too. I'm so happy for you" Raja gave you a weak smile, and hugged you really tight.

Because your happiness matters to him

So as you left for the airport the next day, you didn't notice that his heart also followed you.

~

Years passed by, and both of you still keep in touch through emails, since the timezone is not agreeable for you two. He read all your stories, with pictures attached to them. How you travel all over Europe and to Asia. And just like you said it's a dream come true.

As you travel like a nomad, he stayed to where he is. He performs drag and also has a fair share of relationships, but it still didn't last, because as much as he wants to deny it, there is still part of him hoping you will come back, with his heart intact to yours. You will come back, right?

Righ-

A sound of applause snaps him from his thoughts. She saw everyone staring and whistling, and shouting in her direction. 

"Raja congrats! You fucking deserve it you old bitch!" Someone beside her exclaimed. Raja was startled and immediately looked at her side.

"Raja.. are you okay?" Her assistant asks her, noticing rajas' uneasiness.

Right... It's the premiere of the last episode of all-star 7. She must have dozed off halfway. It's not like it matters anyway, she already knows the ending.

"-ja. Raja!" Looking back again to her assistant, Raja saw a worried glance coming from her. "Are you okay- do you need something? or anything-"

Raja waved her hand and shook her head "no, no... I'm fine thank you"

"Are you su-"

"I said I'm fine. Okay, I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about" Raja massaged her temple, before standing up and making her way to the bar "I'm going to get a drink"

As she went her way to the bar station, she called the bartender for a glass of wine, who immediately obeyed. She sat on the stool and started drinking the wine. Mind still occupied with you...

But the moment was abruptly disturbed by some fans, surrounding and congratulating her. Even though she felt like she didn't have any energy to deal with them. She still puts up a smile and entertains them, it's her perk being Gemini after all.

As she kept interacting and talking with the fans, a familiar figure across the room caught her attention. Very familiar...

"(Y/N)?" Raja whispered, a bit confused. You're here, just a few metres away from her. After all the days counting, hoping you'll come back home, to her. You're finally here.

However, destiny has a different plan, because the moment she sees you leaving her heart drops. She immediately tries to make her way out of the crowd, but due to fans crowding her and stopping her. It slows everything down, causing her to get frustrated.

And when she sees you opening the backdoor, Raja snaps to everyone.

"Can you please get out of the way! I have to go!" Raja shouted with frustration, glaring at everyone. She doesn't care what people think, or what this will cause her. It doesn't matter, because what matters is you.

Raja opened the back door, turning her head side to side scanning where you go. When she gets a glimpse of you. She ran fast as she could to catch up with you, not even with 6-inch heels stopped her.

Every run she makes close to you she felt her heart drum faster and faster.

"(Y/N)!" Raja shouted

Click clank

Huff huff

Ba-bump ba-dump

"(Y/N)!"

Click clank

Huff huff

Ba-bump ba-dump

And when she gets hold of you, she immediately turns you around with a wide smile painted on her face 

"(Y/N)!"

"I'm sorry, but who are you?"

Raja blinks and her heart stops, frowning.

"I'm sorry can you please let go of me, you’re making me really uncomfortable" the girl narrowed her eyes at Raja.

IT'S NOT YOU...

Realising what she has done. Raja instantly drops her hands.

"I-I'm really sorry... I thought you were someone else..." Raja apologizes. 

The girl judges Raja head-to-toe, letting out an annoyed huff before turning around and leaving her all alone.

Raja stands there in shock, staring at the leaving figure.

She really thought it was you, that you're back. But all of it is just a hallucination. Must be from the alcohol.

Raja lets out a painful and rough laugh, before walking back to the club.

She felt her heart break bit by bit, thinking how stupid she is, hoping that you'd be back when you were not. Why would you even waste everything for her? She is nothing to you anyw-

A voice called Raja, but raja only ignores it with her head low, thinking it was probably a fan or something. She doesn't wanna look like a mess to them. So she continues, but the voice keeps calling her name and gets nearer and clearer, so when she was about to look up who it was. A body slams into her and arms wrapping at her waist.

Before she could even react to what was going on, the body pulled itself from her. "Raja, are you okay? Why did you leave?!"

A familiar voice greets her. The same sweet and deep voice that always haunts her dreams. And that voice was...

"(Y/N)?" Raja whispered, eyes going wide. She couldn't believe it... 

"Are you okay? What happe-" before you could finish your sentence. Raja immediately pulled and wrapped her arms around your waist. You felt her nuzzle into your neck.

Raja seizes the moment hugging you, inhaling your familiar scent, and enjoying the familiar warmth.

Raja couldn't help but let out a joyful sob, and her smile widened. You immediately notice the dampness forming in your shirt. Being alarmed about what was going on you called her. "Raja, are you okay?"

But instead of pulling away, Raja tightened her arms more on you. As if you would disappear if she let you go. "Yeah-yeah I'm fine," Raja laughed. 

"I-I'm just happy" Raja pulls away from you, she scans your appearance and notices something about you. Your body becomes firm and lean, the baby fat in your cheeks are gone, and you're very tan. In short, you changed a lot. 

And Raja loves all of it...

Raja snapped in her thought when a gentle hand caressed her face. She immediately leans to your touch with fluttering eyes, savouring the moment. And she just stares at those beautiful and adoring (E/Y) orbs that she missed.

And without even thinking, all the unsaid words she tried to suppress before finally came out of her mouth "I love you," Raja whispered, pouring all her love into you.

She grabs your hand and lovingly caresses it, and without breaking eye contact, she says it again "I love you... So much"

Your eyes watered hearing that, and you let out a large sigh that you didn't know you were holding all this time "... Still?" You grin.

Instead of replying, Raja leans to plant a kiss on your lips, which you gladly reciprocated.

Both of you enjoyed that moment of a kiss before Raja pulled away slowly from you. Putting her hand on both sides of your face, caressing it, and looking into your soul. She answered

"Always.." 

--------

Thank you for the request!

[kytrisz]

unexpected | Aquaria

| pairing. aquaria x reader

"Aquaria, let's go home. It will rain soon" Kameron said, kneeling beside aquaria who is lying in a lateral position on the grass staring at the unknown, not caring about what is happening to her surrounding.

Still not receiving a response, Kameron put her hand on aquaria's shoulder and called her again "Aquaria, come on..."

And minutes pass by, and the gray sky began to pour down, leaving both of them wet. Kameron immediately open the umbrella she was holding and put it above aquaria, who still didn't move an inch. She then closes her eyes and lets out a hurt and painful sob. just like the sky, she is crying all her pains out. And all Kameron can do is just sit there and watch her break down into nothing.

                                                           ~

"Hey babe, how's the tour?" You asked aquaria, who's on the other side of the video call. She is currently on a Werq the World tour with Kameron, Miz Cracker, and other famous queens. And instead of being by her side, you are currently in a resort with your office team for a team-building project. And since you're the team lead, you're required to attend.

"It's going well, babe! But still sucks 'cause you're not here!" Aquaria whined while putting makeup on her face.

"I know, I'm really sorry, you know I have to be here..." You reasoned to her, you know Aquaria is still upset about you not being there, since she is used to you being with her when she is on tour. And this kind of setup is probably making her crazy.

Sighing, Aquaria drop her brush and look at you directly through her phone. Locking her chocolate eyes to yours, "I know... I'm not mad, just... Disappointed... I-I just miss you already"

You chuckled lightly at her admission, tugging your lips upward, you notice her drag look "Me too babe, so much... By the way do you have a show today?"

Picking up the brush, Aquaria stared at the vanity in front of her and  finish her retouching "Yuppie, we have a show today, by the way, Kam is here too!" Pulling her phone up to show Kameron, who is beside her, also in drag.

"Hi (Y/N), How are you! Heard you're out of town, is that true?" Kameron greeted

"Same as ever Kam, and yeah, I'm currently in a resort with my colleague for a team-building program,"

"I see, so that's why this bitch is sulking the whole time," Kameron stated, shaking her head

"No, I'm not!" You heard Aquaria shout in the background, making both you and Kameron cackle.

"Whatever floats in your boat you whiny bitch," Kameron rolled her eyes at Aquaria, before looking at you again and whispering " She really is,"

"Well I do hope you'll be here soon (Y/N), she starting to annoy the shit out of us here" Kameron gives you a flying kiss before bidding her goodbye and leaving the room, leaving you and Aquaria.

Pointing her phone back to her face, Aquaria rolled her eyes muttering "Bitch" making you laugh loudly.

Calming down from your laugh, you remember you haven't mentioned to Aquaria about your activities today with the team  By the way, we're going to have a boat race later on the beach, just near here the resort,"

Aquaria raise her eyebrows, looking interested "Really?"

"Yes, We're fighting against the other department."

"Well, I'm sure you'll win, I know how competitive you are... Such an animal" Aquaria teased

You just glared at her and deny "I'm not!"

"Whatever floats in your head, my love"

"Whatever... " You rolled her eyes at her, then shake your head "Also I remember... "

"Hmm? "

"I supposed to surprise you, but since you're still looking down and sulking—"

"I said I'm not!" Aquaria exclaimed, glaring at you again, making you smirk at her, you continue.

"After this team building, I'm going to follow you there... "

Aquaria's eyes widen from your news, squealing "Wh-What?! As in?! "

"Yes babe, I'll be there next week. I already file a leave and thankfully the management accepted it. I just have to finish all of my work, but either way, I will still be with you." You informed her smiling at her reaction

"OH MY GOD, BABE! I'm so happy!" Still shocked by your news, she keeps squealing and shouting. Locking to each other eyes, she continues "So, you'll be really here?"

"Yes, babe... I'll be with you next week. So don't be sad now oka—"

Before you can even finish your sentence, Ella, your co-work called you  "(Y/N), come on! The boating competition is starting!"

Snapping your gaze to the door, where Ella's standing, you replied "Yeah, I'll be there! Just give me a minute!"

"Well come down soon! We need our team lead" Ella laughed, before turning around.

Turning again you head to look at Aquaria, who is still very joyful from your announcement, you informed her about leaving "Well babe that's my cue... I'll call you later?"

Aquaria just let out a deep sigh " fine, fine... I'll see you soon..., "

" I'll see you soon too," you assured her, making her smile once again

"... I—I love you, (Y/N),"

"I love you too, so much... Talk to you later."

" Promise?" Aquaria ask you, giving her dog eyes, making her really look cute

Another smile comes, before replying "I promise... Always."

Another voice was heard from the background calling your name "(Y/N), Come on!"

"I'm coming!" You shouted back "I have to go now, good luck with the show tonight, love you!"

"You too, love you!" Aquaria replied, before ending the call.

                                                          ~

Once Aquaria arrive at the club, the place is already filled with people, hoping to get a glimpse of the queens. Aquaria, Kameron, and the rest of the queens have to go to the back entrance to get to the backstage area to avoid being bombarded by the screaming and wild fans.

The backstage has a large dressing room with a long vanity mirror that is hung on the wall with rows of chairs that are already occupied by some of the queens. And since all of them are already in drag, they have time to kill, which they spend it on KiKi.

As they settle down to their area Aquaria began to throw shades to other queens.

"Oh bitch, your face looks shit." Aquaria banter to Miz Cracker, who raised her eyebrow at Aquaria

"Shut up!" Cracker rolled her eyes, finishing her touch up

"So... Will (Y/N) follow you here? "Cracker opens up

"Yaszz! She said it earlier, she just needs to finish all of her work."

"Well that's good, you really need someone to leash you up,"

"Oh hush, you bitch! "

"Well, it's true, right Kam? " Cracker called Kameron, who just look at them and shake her head. "See, she even agrees.."

"You guys are so mean, I swear!" Aquaria whine jokingly "I swear I'm going  to tell this to (Y/-"

RingRingRing

Hearing her phone ring, Aquaria open her phone and saw it was your name. She let out a small cheeky smile, that was immediately caught by the two, who instantly knows who was calling.

"Well speaking of the devil..., I'll just take this call," Aquaria informed, before making her way to the hallway.

Not containing the excitement, she immediately answers her phone.

"We just talk earlier baby, you miss me already?" she teased

But instead of getting sarcastic remarks from you like you always did, an unfamiliar voice greeted her

"H-hello... Aquaria..? It's Ella" A voice hesitantly said.

Aquaria immediately felt a strike of anxiousness out of nowhere. Like something is wrong...

"Ohh, hey... Ella? Why are you using (Y/N)'s phone, where is she? "

Really

"Something happened... It's about (Y/N)..., "

"What do you mean, what's wrong..? "

Really

Minutes went by, and instead of an answer, she heard a painful sob coming from the other end.

Aquaria started to get panic "W-Whats wrong Ella, where is (Y/N)?!"

"I-I'm sorry Aquaria... I'm so sorr-"

"Why are you saying sorry?! WHERE IS SHE?!"

"She's dead!!" Ella cried out.

Wrong

A moment of silence entered.

"W-what?" Aquaria slowly ask, hoping she just misheard.

"She drowne— t-the boat turned upside down, and she was not wearing any vest—S-she gave it to me. I-I'm sorry, I'm so so–"

Aquaria felt like her system shut down, and all she can hear are the voices in her head

She's lying She's lying She'lying She'lyingShe'lyingSHE'SLYING!!

"SHUT UP!! " Aquaria burst into the phone, startling not only Ella but also the drag queens and staff who immediately went to see what was going on, especially Kameron and Cracker.

"Aquaria..??" Kameron asked. Instead of getting a reply, Aquaria gets hysterical even more.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU MOTHER FUCKING LYING BITCH! IT'S NOT TRUE! SO SHUT- "

"Aquaria!" Kameron shouted, finally getting Aquaria's attention.

And for the first time in Kam's life, the beautiful and perfect mug that Aquaria always wear is destroyed by snorts and tears falling down her cheeks. And it turned out to be a disgusting and ruined piece of art.

"What happened?" Kameron asked in a mellow tone, trying to know what was wrong.

Aquaria looked at Kameron with dead eyes, before replying "She said…, (Y/N) 's dead"

                                                          ~

Remembering that moment, Kameron couldn't help but feel an ache for her friend. She remembers Aquaria almost losing her mind after learning the news. To the point, she wouldn't sleep, eat, think, talk, or even do drag anymore. Which is something she loves to do the most. It's as if Aquaria is not there anymore, but an empty shell.

Kameron closes her eyes for a second before calling Aquaria one again, putting her hand to rub Aquaria's arm "You'll get sick... Let's go home,"

Kameron thought she wouldn't get an answer, but she did. However, instead of being happy hearing her friend speaks again. What she replied broke Kameron's heart even more.

"How can I have one, when she's not here anymore..."

[kytrisz]

not saying it back | Raja Gemin

| pairings. raja gemini x reader

It's already afternoon and you're laying on the couch scrolling your phone. You don't have work today since it's the weekend, but it's not the same case with a certain someone, your boyfriend/girlfriend. Well more like a girlfriend today since she'll be having a drag show this later evening.

As you wait for her to finish her makeup and clothes, you spend your time watching TikTok videos, and then a prank just flashes into your screen. Being a curious bitch, of course, you are interested in how she'll react. So you try it out.

You watch Raja leaving in the bedroom, already in her drag. She heads towards you to get the bag that you prepared for her for tonight's show. Turning her head to look at you, Raja gave you her sweet smile, it's really sweet it that could probably give you diabetes.

"Thank you, my Angel" Raja sincerely said, leaning toward you to plant a soft kiss. 

You let out a giggle from the cute gesture before replying "You're welcome, Love" 

It only makes Raja's smile widen, and she leans over to kiss you again, but this time, it's long and passionate. A perfect kiss you always look forward to. It took seconds before she pull back and look at you again, studying your features as if it was her first time seeing them, making you swoon to her even more. She really knew how to make you fall harder.

Standing up, Raja starts to make her way in the door to get going to the show, as she twists the knob and opens the door slightly, she looks at you again on her shoulder and shouts " I'll be leaving, Angel! I'll be back soon, I love you!"

"Okay, I'll see you later! " You responded with a smile, before looking back at your phone again.

SLAM!

The sound of the door shutting startled you, making you shift your gaze to Raja, who is already striding her way to you, glaring, giving you her ‘I’m-not-in-the-mood’ look.

You try to give her a smile, even though you're already scared for your life. Because you know when Raja is angry, you'll be in big trouble, because it only means punishments. And those punishments can be really harsh, to the point you can't even walk anymore. 

(Author note: ;) )

When Raja is already in front of you, you pull yourself up and properly sit, putting your innocently curious face. However, she doesn't buy that act.

"Angel,"  Raja began, slow and laced with menaced, "I Love You..." She continued, emphasizing each other words.

"I know, take care." Maintaining your smile.

Raja rolled her eyes and let out an annoyed huff. She put her fingers on your chin and leans over to you, making you directly look into her eyes.

"I said, I love you, Angel," Raja said, aggressive this time.

Instead of replying back, you just smile at her innocently. Making her really annoyed.

"Angel, it's etiquette that if I say I love you, you say it back." 

You let out a nervous laugh, before retorting,  "I'll see you back! "

Raja rolled her eyes, and pulled herself off you "Maybe you will, maybe you won't. I got the stuffs that I need, I could be gone for a very long time" she sassed, while waving her bags at you.

"Okay... " 

"Fine! Do you want me to beg for it? Well, news flash darling I won't. I can't believe I'm arguing with you about this right now!" Raja groans, turning around and stomping her way to the exit. 

You laugh loudly at her reaction and quickly chase after her.

"Baby, wait!" Still laughing, you wrapped your arms around her waist to stop her from going further.

"I'm just joking really, I love you~~'

You turn her around to face you, and plant kisses all over her face and neck, as an apology.

Raja smiled at the action, and tightly hold you onto your waist. "That's what I thought."

She lean to you again and seal a small kiss, pulling away she whispered: "Say it again..."

"I love you, Raja, so much... Please come home soon."

"I love you too, Angel. And I will... Promise." Raja promised, pulling away from you completely and striding her way out of the apartment. Not without kissing you again on the lips, making you giggle.

As you watch her figure blur into your sight, you closed the door, and hold onto her promise that she'll be back in your home, arms, and life.

[kytrisz]

last message | Aquaria

| pairing. aquaria x reader

out of drag. he/him

'Hello! This is (Y/N) speaking, sorry can't come to the phone right now, but please don't hesitate to leave a message. Byie!~'

'Hey (Y/N)! you're probably busy right now. Just let you know I'll be cooking dinner, and It will be your favorite. So come home soon, bye!’

~

APARTMENT

The sound of the door disturbs Giovanni from cooking, making him immediately turn off the stove to take a look at who it is. 

"Hey bitch, welcome home!" Giovanni greeted you with a smile, giving you a tight hug. "So how's work?" He asked, after pulling himself from you.

"Thank god I'm fucking home! Work is such a hassle today," you ranted, taking off your stiletto that's been hurting your feet all day "So, what are you cooking? Please tell me it's edible."

Giovanni rolled his eyes at you, making you chuckle a bit "HA! Very funny (Y/N). I'm cooking spaghetti, and its edible thank you for your confidence,"

"Well let's see about that..." 

Both of you make your way to the kitchen. As you were about to help set the table, Giovanni stopped you.

"Ah ah ah, I'm the hostess, meaning it's my job bitch." He sassed, Pushing you to sit down in the chair. 

You only raised your eyebrow before giving in. You do know how Giovanni can be pushy when he wants to be. So you stay put where you are and just watch him do his job, just like he stated.

As you study at him, you couldn't help but smile, reminiscing about the moment when your friendship started. From you helping him in his school work in high school to supporting him winning RuPaul Drag Race and taking the drag world by storm. 

The two of you have always been together for each other through ups and downs. To the point, you two live together... More like he just barged into your apartment with all of his things and never left. 

You always wonder how lucky you are to have Giovanni in your life. Because for sure, without him you'll always be inside your monotonous life. He always tries to make everything better even if it rains hard. And you do hope to the god out there, it will last long. 

'Even in meantime.' you thought 

Giovanni snaps you from your thoughts when he puts the spaghetti in front of you along with a glass of juice and utensils, then makes his way to the other side of the table and sits down.

Picking up the fork you carefully judge the food in front of you. One fact about Giovanni, he can't cook to save his life. Therefore, you're kinda doubtful about whether you should try it or not.

"It's not poisonous, you bitch." Giovanni said after catching you looking strangely at the food

Raising your head at him you retorted "That's what you said the last time you cook," 

Gio let out a hard laugh remembering what happened that time. 

"I swear it's good this time! Just give it a try, please." Giovanni pleaded, giving you his cute puppy eye that you couldn't resist.

You give him one more look then sigh "Fine. I swear if this is not edible, I'll make sure to kick you out"

And then you dig in. 

Chew 

After chew

After chew

You couldn't believe it... it does taste good! 

But of course, you don't want to admit it, and since Giovanni is staring at you intensely for your reaction. you give him a frown, earning a worried look from him. 

"Does it really taste bad...? I'm so sorry (Y/N), I shouldn't have tried, shit—fuck you probably want some nice dinner and I just fuck it u-" 

"It tastes good, I'm just messing with you! You should have seen your face, " you laugh, breaking from your character.

Realizing what you did, Giovanni glared daggers at you "Wha— you bitch, I fucking hate you! I was so worried that I messed up! "

"I'm just joking…, but really it is delicious Gio. Thank you " you told him, smiling, and still amused by his reaction

Giovanni shakes his head, smirking "...You're welcome."

Throughout the dinner, both of you throw banter and update each other on what you did the whole day and your plans, just like in the old times. 

After finishing eating, you two went to the sink and proceeded to clean the dishes and the mess he made, which is a lot. Thankfully, he gives you a helping hand. While cleaning, Giovanni starts to open up his plans for his birthday, which is actually next week from now. 

"By the way, my birthday is coming, so what is your plan?" Gio asked, batting his eyelashes at you.

You stare at him dumbfounded before replying "Nothing”

Giovanni scowls at your answer " As in nothing? No plans? No message? What kind of friend are you?!"

"No-thing" you respond, going back to cleaning.

 "What about wishes? Do you at least have a wish for me?"

You pause from wiping the counter, having a moment to think about what you will say. 

"(Y/N)?" Gio repeated.

"W-well, of course, I do,"

"So, what is it?"

You stare at him for a second, before going back to wiping "Well I want you to be happy, of course... And find someone who will love you,"

"Why...? Do you not love me?" Giovanni jokingly question.

You just smile at what he said, 'of course I do... so much.'

Looking again at each other, you sigh "It's different... I want you to find someone... Who you can spend your life with. Someone smart, nice... healthy, and... can give you a comfortable life."

Giovanni rolled his eyes "Aren't we already comfortable here…? So why bother? "

"Because I'm not going to marry you, you delusional bitch." wiping the counter one last time, you left the kitchen. Leaving a hurt and confused Giovanni. 

You immediately went straight to your bedroom and locked it behind you. Laughing slowly about what you said earlier. Tears forming in your eyes

'How funny my life has become.'

Taking another deep breath to prevent it from spilling, you open the cabinet beside you and take out a denosumab injection.

~

'Hello! This is (Y/N) speaking, sorry can't come to the phone right now, but please don't hesitate to leave a message. Byie!~'

'(Y/N)! Missing you here, just got back to the hotel. By the way, it's already 2 am here, what time is it there? You're probably still asleep for sure, I know how lazy you can be. The show is really wild, bitch. Very stressful as in, but... I still enjoy it. Also, I have some gifts for you when I get back. Don't forget to eat, okay? Byeee! Love you!'

~

MSK HOSPITAL

"How was it, Doc? Is it getting stable or... worst?“

The doctor who is checking your body gives you a worried glance, sighing, he answers "Even though you undergo chemo... you do know that transplant is the only way to cure you."

Closing your eyes, you let the information sink in. A minute passes by, and you ask the question that's bugging you the whole time "I-If... There's no donor... H-How long do I have?"

"Well... all you can do now is focus on your health so that your body can be prepared for the sur—"

Opening your eyes to lock them with his, dead eyes, "How long, Doc?"

The doctor looks at you for a minute, letting out a defeated sigh "If there's no donor... maybe... more or less... a year…"

For that moment, all you can do is sit there, staring at the space, and feel helpless. 

~

'Hello! This is (Y/N) speaking, sorry can't come to the phone right now, but please don't hesitate to leave a message. Byie!~'

'YN, where are you? I just got back home and you're not here. You don't even have a welcoming party for me. I swear this friendship is sinking. Kidding aside, I hope you come home soon! I really have so much to tell you, I miss you!'

~

APARTMENT

Entering your apartment, you were greeted by the sound of a movie coming from the tv, and you saw Giovanni with a bowl of popcorn in his lap.

He turns his head to look who is in the door, and as he gets a glimpse of you he immediately goes to your side and hugs you.

"Bitch! I fucking miss you!" He exclaimed, raising you and spinning you around.

You just laugh at his childishness, forgetting all the pain you've been through these past days.

"I miss you too! So how's the tour? Is it good? Did you go to different places? How's the audience—"

"Bitch, slow down" Giovanni cuts you after putting you down. He then held your hand tightly and pulled you into the couch. "Why won't we just sit here first and I'll tell you all about it"

Settling comfortably, Gio began his story and experiences during the tour. How it's fun and I met a lot of fans. You also tell him what you have been doing these past days without him, especially the work, but of course, you didn't mention anything about your hospital escapades, after all, you don't want him to worry.

"Also (Y/N)... I think I can check your wish for me in the list." 

"Hmm?" You look at him confused.

Gio rolled his eyes at you and continue " You know, about a guy who will be there for me until the end. I just met him on tour, and god we just clicked... Like it's so magical, and like it's meant to happen, you know what I'm saying... He's just so perfect...," 

Hearing that, you feel your heart break little by little as he goes on. It hurts, isn't it? Seeing him smile while talking about a guy he likes. It's your wish for him after all. 

"(Y/N)?" Gio looks at you worried, noticing how quiet you become.

You blink for seconds, and you turn to look into his eyes, his beautiful dazzling brown eyes... forcing a smile, you tease him "I'm so happy for you!... At least I can take you off my back now, "

He scoffed in response and then continued his story. 

Thinking about what you said a while ago, about you being happy for him. Well... It is true... Because as long as he is happy, you are happy.... even if it hurts... so much. 

~

1 day 

'Hello! This is (Y/N) speaking, sorry can't come to the phone right now, but please don't hesitate to leave a message. Byie!~'

'Bitch, where are you? It's past midnight and you're not home... I hope you come home soon and please be safe, you know how dangerous people are these days.'

~

2 week

'Hello! This is (Y/N) speaking, sorry can't come to the phone right now, but please don't hesitate to leave a message. Byie!~'

'YN! It's been two weeks and you're still not home. I already tried to call our friends, but they don't fucking know where you are! Please call me back... please...?'

~ 

A month

'Hello! This is (Y/N) speaking, sorry can't come to the phone right now, but please don't hesitate to leave a message. Byie!~'

'(Y/N) where are you?! It's already a month, one fucking month! No calls nor texts, what the fuck! Are you even still alive or ditch dead out there!? Please fucking answer the phone, because I'm starting to get crazy here thinking if you're okay or not! If there's a problem we can talk about it! You don't have to fucking go MIA on me...! I just want you home... I miss you... I-I love you.'

~

MSK HOSPITAL

Staring at the ceiling, you're thinking about all the things you did this past month, from sessions to the decisions you made, especially about Giovanni. 

After your tragic blackout in the office last month, You were immediately confined in the hospital. You didn't bother informing him about what happened, because you don't want to make him worry. It's your problem, therefore it's your battle.

You hear your phone keeps on notifying messages and calls, some of them come from your workmates and friends, but most of it is from Giovanni. Who constantly calls and messages you every minute, but you only keep ignoring it. 

Still deep in your thoughts with your eyes closed, you didn't notice that someone entered your room, studying your situation.

"Did you really think I would not find you?" A familiar voice breaks you from your thoughts. You slowly open your eyes, and there he is, standing above you, Giovanni.

You immediately turn yourself to your side, where your back is facing him. Hiding from him, you're still ready to look at him nor face him, looking like this, weak, helpless, and close to death. You felt your tears threatening to fall, biting inside your cheeks to not sob. 

But no matter how you hide, Giovanni knows it all, he knows you more than you thought. So he slowly made his way into your bed, laying down and wrapping his arms around you, rubbing your arms, that was sitting close to your chest

"I'm here now... everything will be fine now...everything will be okay," He comforted, releasing all the pain and worry he has been keeping this past month. "It's just cancer okay... you'll be fine, everything will be fine... I'm here now...,"

You let out a weak laugh, turning yourself to face him. You're (E/C) orbs locked with his, staring at each other's souls. You raise your left hand to caress his cheeks and lean from Giovanni your touch. 

"... I love you, '' you finally said, the three words you've been holding your whole life, tears streaming down your face.

Hearing that, Giovanni gives you his cheeky smile with bloodshot eyes and a snort from his nose. Disgusting, the total opposite of a Giovanni you know. Nevertheless, he is still the most beautiful person you lay your eyes on. 

 He then leans in, sealing his lips into yours for the first time. 

And from that moment on, Giovanni stayed there by your side, holding you tight and sharing your pain. He never left, not even once, not even on your deathbed.

~

'Hello! This is (Y/N) speaking, sorry can't come to the phone right now, but please don't hesitate to leave a message. Byie!~'

"Hello, again... I miss you (Y/N)— so much... I really do and it making go nuts every single day—fuck... this probably my last message to you—I just want you to know... I'll see you soon... love you..., always,"

"A famous drag queen from the RuPaul Drag Race was found dead in his apartment in New York... "