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[kzeeel]

[kzeeel]

“A Foe to an Ally”

Intimidating and maldita as others describe her appearance. In my 18 years of existence, I never found myself competing with others. I always believe that everyone has their own time. Yet, I met a girl who I saw, a foe worthy of my competence. But this was disregarded when I dove deeper to her existence.

I focused myself on my academics and observed how my classmates perform. Not to be boastful, but when I saw their academic performance, I knew that I could surpass them (although only if I am not lazy or prioritizing other things). But there is this one girl who I saw that can give me an exciting challenge. Her name is Lorien Jauhn Salandanan.

Before, I only saw LJay as one of my classmates. I don’t judge people by their looks, but my eyes have a unique ability to determine a person’s attitude or personality by observing how they interact with others, even if they try to hide it. One look at her, I already know that she is the type of person who is straightforward, knowledgeable about the thing she is interested in, and the characteristic that I was on point, mature (this was before she formally introduced herself to me). Of course, who would not want to have a person by his/her side who replicates his/her own self.

When the time came for us to introduce ourselves to the class, she mentioned hobbies and things she likes. Admiring music and sports is what we both share in common. But lately, she revealed that he hates typical boastful guys who are self-centered and do not have a stable plan in their life, which made me laugh because I get her point and we were both on the same page. Although, I know that she distances herself from me on the days that she knows nothing about me and expects me to come out like the guys she hates. Also, I was astonished by her when she said that she is bisexual without hesitating. Not gonna lie, I am proud of her and I admire what she said that time because I encountered only a few people in my life like her who are open about her own gender identity. I also remembered the time when she asked me what my zodiac sign was, where I thought in my mind, she is the typical tita who believes in those stuffs. Even though I do not fully believe in zodiac sign personalities (sometimes, out of curiosity, I try to know what are my zodiac signs traits), I already knew that she would judge me based on mine. I simply said that I was a Saggitarius and she insists that I am because the 21th of December is already classified as Capricorn month.

We do not spend too much time with each other since she has her own group of friends before. They all are focused on tasks they need to accomplish for their organization. I can not live in their world since we do not have the same responsibilities. Though I always ask myself questions. “Parte ba talaga siya ng organization o yung mga responsibilidad niya lang?”

Of course it caught my attention since I admire her academic work and she is the only one who I interact with in their organization. Yet, I tend to not interfere with her choices because... who am I to? But I know or rather, I feel, there are some things that she is experiencing inside that she needs to talk out with others. As I try to know her even better, I realize that this girl does not deserve the place where she is now. What amazed me on my journey knowing her is how she holds unto the principles she has in life. We have different principles but I highly respect people who value what they hold unto themselves without them being altered by other people.

As time went by, pieces of the puzzle were obtained by me. We have a lot in common, and it is not based only on my speculation. From perspective in life and thoughts about death. Ahhhh yes, death. Death for us, is the least time we regret. How ironic that we talked about this while she was hospitalized.

“While being hospitalized, death seems like the best escape. I feel like we think the world revolves around too much, we tend to forget the people who care about us. I realized when I stopped responding to everyone, and getting worse quickly na people are taking care of me and sacrificing for me. Meanwhile ako, wala na tinanggap na yung fate ko which is death”.

Things change for both of us, positively. We became much closer literally (because we were seatmates) and emotionally. I am not the type of person who would care for the life of others, but I have no remorse taking a piece of my care towards LJay. She can be my diary or my consultant whenever I need her. I was never fond of giving my trust easily, but she is an exceptional exception.

[kzeeel]

Christams Szn <33

[kzeeel]

Sounds of Silence, Strength, and Hope: A Reflective Analysis on the Anthology, "Lockdown Litanies: Countless Untold Stories" an Essay by Kurt Axzel C. Arcellano

2020 was hoped to be a wonderful and joyous year. All of it was demolished when a virus started to spread named Corona Virus or also known as Covid19. The accustomed living of all the people in the world was shaken and was put to waste because of the pandemic. I, myself, experienced hardships in terms of way of living, education, and the time I was locked down. Same as mine, these stories contain struggles of other people amidst the pandemic. 

Upon reading the first poem, “Dear Diary,” , I noticed that the persona went through specific circumstances that affected the persona big time by being locked down and was unable to do things that he/she used to love. I realized that a lot of circumstances will be encountered by us in our lives that will lead us to make mistakes. It may change us whether it is good or bad, but it will never make us give up in this life of ours. It is witnessed with the following lines from the poem, “I wronged people and myself, but I regretted none I own up my mistakes in finally choosing freedom”.This helps me remember the song “Supermarket Flowers” by Ed Sheeran where he stated that even how much he is experiencing a hard time, still, he know that it will still be acceptable and he would be able to move on as displayed in the lyrics “Oh I’m in pieces, it’s tearing me up, but I know a heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved.” 

On to the next poem, entitled “The Tale of a Modern Sisyphus”. Its first part is some sort of a question and answer portion that is about women empowerment while the second part is meaningful thoughts and thoughtful questions about a thing called human being. Lines such as “Now “What can be done to empower women?”. I believe unity can regain our lost glory. Thank you, Steve.” and “A burden is less felt when carried together, Yielding a boulder collectively on our shoulder. Only to realize, are we not Sisyphus after all?” helped me see through the poem more and recall women's struggles. Gender equality is a hot topic around the world. Women feel oppressed because of the society they live in. It reminds me of the song lyric from Beyoncé’s “Run the World (Girls)” that says “Some of them men think they freak this. Like we do, but no they don't. Make your check, come at they neck. Disrespect us, no they won't”. This song's lyrics helped me realize that what we talk about is girls, not just girls. They can do what other genders do and even execute it finer. 

On to the next poem, entitled “O’ yayi”. I notice that the persona narrating the story experiences the feeling of love yet, is downhearted because of it, specifically because of the reason that her other half still remembers her past lover. I have realized that no matter how much we want a person to stay in our lives, we can not intervene with his/her decision. The line “If ever I run out of time here and reach the other side, whose arms would you run back again, mine or Dante’s?” made it evident. This reminds me of Meat Loaf’s “I would do anything for Love”. The lyrics “I would do anything for love. And there'll never be no turning back.” to be specific. Love can make us selfish. Yet, it is also the reason why we let go of the ones we love all for the sake of their happiness. 

The next poem is entitled “Two Red Laces on the Wonderwall”. The writer of the poem is in the phase of moving on because of all the things she does just to make her forget about her wonderwall for she has still not recovered from her loss. I realize that when we lose something in our lives, we find different ways to replace what we lost. This is evident in the lines “Had a dose of fun before I die And tried my luck with several men, but you felt like home, where I belong. Two red laces woven on a wall.”. This reminds me of the song, specifically the persona, of the song “Tears in Heaven” by Eric Clampton. The lyrics “Beyond the door there's peace, I'm sure and I know there'll be no more Tears in heaven.”. 

On to the next poem, entitled “Umbilical”. It shows that the person in the poem is narrating how his/her mother gave birth to the persona.  I realize that our parents are willing to risk everything, even their lives just to provide their children with a good life. It is evident in the lines “Her skein stretched the outskirts of the city. Cut her own thread, I breathe. Tearful, I write the pain she suffered just for me to see.” that the persona’s mother pushed through with all her strength just for her child to see the world. It reminds me of Enya’s “If I could be where you are” specially the lyrics “Winter lies before me now you're so far away. In the darkness of my dreaming, the light of you will stay.” 

The next poem is entitled “RE: Paper (I’m Red, IMRaD)*.” Upon reading this poem, I realized that the way of teaching in other countries is much more advanced than ours, which results in insufficient skills and knowledge when we go abroad or study in other states. We can see in the lines “We recognize the demands of the 21st Century, bigger from what we’ve accomplished. In preparing students for workforce, here and abroad, equip them skills beyond technical,  competencies, must be transversal.” that the education in our nation is behind the current era. This reminds me of the song “Education” by Pearl Jam especially the lyrics If I've been taught from the beginning, would my fears now by winning? I'm questioning my own equation. Is my own equation relevant somehow?” for the reason that the poem talks about being behind in terms of knowledge. 

Upon reading the next poem, 3 A.M. Awakening, I realized that whatever we do in our world, whether it is right or wrong, people will still have something to say about us just to destroy our confidence. The lines “Heaven spoke lies to me telling I’m sick with people’s eyes daggering every inch. People hold truth in fiery tongues and spit eternal billows for us found in splits.” made me come to that conclusion. This reminds me of Jill Scott’s “Hate on Me”, especially the lyrics “Hate on me hater. Now or later. 'Cause I'm gonna do me you'll be made baby.” 

On to the next poem, entitled “My Frail Lady”. Upon reading the poem, I noticed that the character being defined by the speaker is committing self-murder. I realized that not being able to speak up and choosing resentment will affect us huge time mentally. It is seen in the lines “Such frail, frail lady. Bookkeeps her internal screams. Soon she will be found—” and “I could’ve stayed longer, but whatever you asked for then I would have made.” that the character being specified is suffering because of another individual. The poem made me thought of the song “How To Save a Life”, specifically the lyrics “Lay down a list of what is wrong the things you've told him all along, and pray to God he hears you, and I pray to God he hears you.”

On to the next and last poem, entitled “Major Arcana”. After reading the poem, I noticed that the speaker is pointing out what the character being defined wants and needs to do. I realized that whenever we want something for ourselves, even if we are on the rough road, we just need to take a breather or a step back and continue fighting for it. The lines such as “What you want most right now is success to win and never give up this fight. I see you are mostly assertive, yet haven't quite got the luck you wanted. Expect a journey relating to family, work, or love as your card reads movement.” and “But what’s not going to work is your impulsive behavior. Take time to sober up and make a conscientious decision. The Hermit signals not to be arrogant nor reckless—any misdemeanor.” helped point out my conclusion. This reminds me of the song “It’s my Life'' by Bon Jovi, especially the lines “Tomorrow's getting harder, make no mistake. Luck ain't even lucky, got to make your own breaks”.

In life, surely, there are problems that we will encounter. We may fall, break, or even lose the motivation to fight back. Yet, we must see that every difficulty we encounter is a chance for us to grow even stronger. Even how huge the boulder or rough the road, we still need to keep on standing up and tall carrying hope on us. As Chriss Grosser says “Opportunities do not happen, you create them.”

[kzeeel]

"New Beginnings"

According to Heraclitus, change is the only constant. There are a lot of different circumstances that may transform our lives whether we want it or not. This may be good or bad, yet we do not have a choice but to tackle it head-on. In the life of a simple senior high school student, there are a lot of situations that were put into that made me a product of change. The biggest event that changed his whole life was when he experienced being into a pandemic.

As the majority say, the third year or ninth grade is the most challenging year in high school yet, it is also the most memorable. This was witnessed by a student named Kurt Axzel C. Arcellano. Even before the kid's classes started, he knew it would be a blast by just seeing the list of his classmates. A lot of familiar and close names can be found on that list that made him think that it is too good to be true. Given his best friend, there are also a lot of familiar names who he knows he would have a good bond with. As Kurt traveled his journey towards his ninth grade year, he interacted with his other classmates and built a good connection with a number of people. He wished that his third year at high school would not end. But due to an unexpected happening, Kurt was not aware of the big change he would encounter. He never knew that the end of his ninth grade year was the beginning of a new turning point in his life. The year 2020, the Coronavirus or also known as Covid-19 spread throughout the whole world. This sickness became the cause of death of a lot of people wherein a total lockdown was done by countries around the world.

On the first day, Kurt has no idea on what to do being stuck in the house. Of course, his mind is focused on the things he planned to do for the upcoming summer. Yet, due to ECQ or Enhanced Community Quarantine, his list of plans were canceled. Basketball is the first thing that comes to his mind when summer approaches. But due to not being able to go outside, Kurt decided to make his body fit to still play basketball. He started his quarantine lifting weights and doing cardiovascular exercises. Kurt was unhabituated doing exercise, specifically lifting weights. But he knows that struggling is the first phase when you lift. So that’s when he decided to pursue it until progress shows on what he does. But Kurt is still unsatisfied with just lifting weights especially when he is unsure on how long he would stay locked up inside of his house. That is when he recalled an old habit he used to do, watching anime. Before starting to do so, Kurt saw an announcement on the news that the lockdown would be extended and that is when he wholeheartedly decided to start watching again. He has tons of anime series to begin with, but his first choice is what is considered as one of the best anime, Naruto and Naruto Shippuden. That was a long series for him but he loved watching it because of the story line and his favorite character, Uchiha Itachi. A lot of other anime series were watched by Kurt such as ‘Haikyuu!!’, ‘Fire Force’, ‘Black Clover’, ‘Jujutsu Kaisen’ etc. But he did not just stop by watching anime. He also read manga of the anime that is not finished being animated yet. ‘Tokyo Revengers’ was the manga that became his favorite because of the characters and the amazing plot. This was the reason why he did not notice how much time passed by since the beginning of the lockdown.

Five weeks of being locked down in the enhanced community quarantine has passed. A lot of things change for Kurt, both physically and mentally. He saw the development of his body. His biceps grew larger, the outline on his ab began to show up, and his shoulders became more broad. While his physical body changed positively, his mental health started to experience a downfall. Being stuck in the house made him miss a lot of things. His friends, attending school, and playing basketball. On top of all of that, the event that gave him a hard time is going through a break up. A lot of sleepless nights and tears have been shredded by the boy. Yet, he knows to himself that the most needed person to be able to move on is only himself. With this, he uses the pain he is experiencing to open up a lot of other things that are never experienced by him. He added extra work in exercising, he started trying out meditation, and learned how to improve himself in interacting with others. Time passed by and he completely healed and accepted the situation. Along this is he was able to improve himself and improved interacting with others.

In the month of July, Kurt watched the news about the re-opening of classes. He was so confused about the new learning system that would be applied, and that is the Online Learning System or also known as Online Classes. He chose to attend his first online learning at his old school, Colegio San Agustin Biñan and graduated here and was one of the awardees. Before Kurt choose what school he would attend in senior high school, he first considered all the factors that would be practical on attending his school since this is the first time he would experience attending online classes. His first choice was still his old school, Colegio San Agustin Biñan. But due to the tuition fee and the first year he experienced online class, he was able to say that it would be not practical. This is the same reason why he chose not to attend his second choice which is De La Salle University Dasmariñas. But after asking help from his friends, he considered studying in his current school, University of Perpetual Help System Laguna.

Kurt’s first year at Perpetual was a little bit of a struggle. He has no idea who his classmates are, the way of teaching, and the environment he will experience. Before attending school, he decided to only focus on his studies only and not expect to be close with his classmates. But as the school year started, he saw that his classmates were also fun to be and easy to get along with. Until now, Kurt is able to get along with his classmates well. Although, now, he is not able to focus well on his studies.

Kurt Axzel C. Arcellano has gone through many situations in his life. He has a lot of regrets and shortcomings he was not able to handle well. But Kurt never looked back on the past and learned how to move forward in his life. Because of the pandemic, he was able to reflect and choose to be better everyday in the life he is living and this is by not worrying about the past. Instead, taking the right action on how to lead himself for a better future.