“Often father and daughter look down on mother (woman) together. They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point. They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother’s fate.”
― Bonnie Burstow, Radical Feminist Therapy: Working in the Context of Violence
This is so true. My dad always put so much work into destroying my (and my brother’s) perception of my mom. He constantly put her down, made her feel stupid, gaslit her, and then would play the “nice parent” to the kids, but only in opposition to her. Nobody wanted to be alone with him, but it was like a drug getting my dad’s attention and approval at the expense of my mom.
One day she completely broke down, I must have been 12 or 13, just full on sobbing about how she is smart and she is competent and that he made her feel like the dumbest person in the world when even the kids got in on mocking her. It was such an eye-opener for me as a child, because I had been cruel to her and I always thought it was just all in good fun until that moment.
Things didn’t magically change after that, but it was the beginning of the end of my positive impression of my dad. I started noticing more, and around that time his attitude towards me started changing as I became a teenager.
And he was a “good man”, he did nice things for us, he took us to all sorts of places, he never hit us, he did so much for charity and the church and other people, he was the guy who would leave $1000 tips when he heard the waitress was struggling. The cognitive dissonance of “he’s a great guy” and “being around him makes me feel like I am ingesting poison” turned into a potent self-loathing, because if he’s not the problem, the I must be.
It’s my fault for not tolerating the hours of screaming and shouting in my face about what a failure I am and how I will be a homeless loser one day because “for someone so smart, you sure are the dumbest person in the world”. It’s my fault for not being cool and calm enough to withstand the constant mocking of my interests and putdowns and complete lack of anything positive or affirming.
Now as an adult, I am seeing through the manipulation and lies, and have been working hard to guide my mom through that process as well. When I was able to stop seeing her as part of the enemy and start seeing her as a fellow victim, when I could assign blame where it actually belonged, we were able to do so much to strengthen our relationship.
Women need other women. Women need to stand with each other and not get separated by the men who put so much effort into pitting us against each other. Hold women accountable for their actions (lord knows my mom also did some messed up things to me that she has gone a long way in taking responsibility for now), but also try and maintain some compassion for them as victims in this system.
Content warnings for: mental illness, psychosis, death mention, and unreality. Major spoilers for Arcane episodes 1-9.
[ID: A screenshot of Jinx from episode 9 of Arcane, sitting in her chair and looking sadly into the camera. The title of the analysis, “Jinx and the Portrayal of Psychosis in Arcane,” is superimposed on the image.]
Arcane has quickly become one of my all-time favorite shows. Much of my love for it stems from the breathtaking animation and stellar writing, but one of the biggest reasons why I love Arcane is the superb portrayal of Jinx’s struggle with mental illness, specifically borderline personality disorder and psychosis, though this essay will only focus on psychosis. As a psychotic person, finding good representation of psychosis in media is extremely difficult. However, Arcane portrayed Jinx’s psychosis in a respectful, sympathetic, non-romanticized, and honest way that I could personally relate to. I wanted to analyze this in hopes that it may bring more awareness to psychosis itself, as well as to explain this part of Jinx’s characterization to fans.
What is psychosis? First of all, psychosis is not a disorder. Psychosis is a psychiatric symptom with its own range of symptoms. Common symptoms of psychosis include disorganized behavior and/or thinking, catatonia, or changes in mood, personality, or daily activities, but the defining characteristic of psychosis is the presence of hallucinations and/or delusions (2). Hallucinations are sensory experiences that aren’t grounded in reality, such as smelling freshly baked cookies when there are none around. Hallucinations can be of any of the five senses, and they’re experienced as external (like hearing something through headphones), not internal (like hearing something in your head when you think). Delusions are vehemently strong beliefs that aren’t grounded in reality and are outside of the person’s cultural and religious beliefs, such as believing there’s a microchip in your hand when x-rays prove that there isn’t one. The main types of delusions are bizarre (literally incomprehensible to others) and non-bizarre. Non-bizarre delusions have several subtypes, but for this analysis, I will be focusing primarily on the most common type of delusion, paranoid delusions. Paranoid (also called “persecutory”) delusions typically involve the feeling that someone has or is trying to inflict harm on you or a loved one, such as thinking a coworker is trying to get you fired from your job. For more information about delusions, check out this Wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delusion.
Anyone can experience psychosis, with about 3% of people having at least one psychotic episode during their lifetime, most commonly between the ages of 13 and 30 (2). Psychosis is also genetic, and it can appear as a symptom alongside a variety of physical, psychiatric, and drug-induced conditions (2, 1). It should also be noted that psychosis is typically not a permanent state. It occurs in three stages: prodromal, acute, and recovery. People who experience psychosis usually have temporary episodes that can last from days to months, and even during these episodes, people are typically not constantly experiencing delusions or hallucinations. Psychosis is also not a one-size-fits-all experience. Every psychotic person experiences psychosis differently. For a better understanding of psychosis, please check out https://www.earlypsychosis.ca/ or https://medicine.yale.edu/psychiatry/step/psychosis/.
Now, what is psychosis not? Psychosis IS NOT schizophrenia or dissociative identity disorder (DID, or “multiple personality disorder” or “split personality disorder”). Like I stated above, psychosis is a symptom. People with bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, personality disorders, and other mental health conditions can all experience psychosis as part of their disorder’s symptomatology. The presence of psychosis alone does not automatically indicate a diagnosis of schizophrenia or DID. Additionally, despite the colloquial usage of the word “psychotic” to mean “antisocial”, antisocial behavior (actions that harm others, such as violence) is not a symptom of psychosis. In fact, psychotic people are more likely to be a victim of antisocial behavior instead of a perpetrator (9).
From what we’ve seen in Act 1, I don’t believe that Jinx/Powder had psychotic episodes as a child. However, it’s obvious that the events of episode 3 were traumatic for Jinx, as they would have been for anyone in that situation, especially a child. Multiple studies have shown that psychosis can “emerge as a reaction to trauma” (4), and hallucinations themselves can be associated with childhood trauma (5). Psychotic people can have hallucinations of things associated with their trauma that are different from the “flashbacks” or “reliving” of PTSD (6, 8). Additionally, similar to PTSD, hallucinations can sometimes result from a trigger (7). Triggers can contribute to stress, stress exacerbates symptoms of psychosis, and psychosis can reintroduce triggers through hallucinations. Arcane shows this cycle multiple times throughout Acts 2 and 3, but it begins with Jinx’s encounter with the pink-haired Firelight in episode 4. From that moment on, Jinx begins a downward spiral into a worsening psychotic episode.
Arcane portrays Jinx’s auditory and visual hallucinations as resulting from both triggers (for example, seeing Vi’s face on the pink haired Firelight’s) and the stresses of those triggers and resulting actions (continuing with the previous example, hearing negative remarks from Mylo after her conversation with Silco about the pink haired Firelight). Most of Jinx’s auditory hallucinations are a negative, critical voice, typically Mylo’s (as he was often critical of her from what we saw in Act 1), consistent with a common type of auditory hallucination in those with borderline personality disorder (10). Through audio effects, Arcane shows that these voices are more muffled, like whispers or hearing voices through a wall. This is also common, as even among those who hear voices, the voices are not always clear like portrayed in media. Another type of hallucination Arcane portrayed was feeling of presence, specifically in the scene in episode 6 where Jinx sets off the signal to Vi and feels the presence of Mylo and Claggor at her back. This type of hallucination is more common in those with Parkinson’s, but it can occur in anyone, especially following bereavement (11, 12).
Jinx’s hallucinations aren’t random or utilized randomly as trite plot devices, they aren’t played for comedy or turned into a joke, and while the hallucinations are obviously distressing for Jinx, they aren’t used as a tool for horror. In fact, it is in showing how distressing the hallucinations are for Jinx (as they are for most psychotic people) that encourages the audience to be sympathetic towards her. Auditory hallucinations are scary, annoying, and frustrating, and Arcane did an excellent job of portraying Jinx’s reactions to her hallucinations in these ways, from dismissive hand-waving motions to anxious pacing. Additionally, Arcane manages to portray these visually as well, with “scratchy” and “sketchy” lines overlaid the animation and blurry, film-error like filters, all used to indicate to the audience that Jinx is experiencing an altered state of reality, a state where things aren’t exactly clear. While the sketchy lines are certainly reminiscent of Jinx’s handwriting and art style (perhaps as a nod to the fact that this is all specifically coming from *her* mind), the usage of these sketchy and scratchy lines visually shows the disorganized, anxious, and confused nature of her thought processes.
Jinx’s paranoid delusions don’t begin until episode 6, after Sevika plants the thought in Jinx’s head that Vi and Caitlyn are trying to get her arrested. While hallucinations and delusions can be separate, they can also work together to reinforce each other, as we begin to see in episode 6 with Jinx’s feelings towards Caitlyn. Jinx already distrusts Caitlyn: she’s a topsider, she’s an enforcer, and she has been directing Jinx’s long lost sister’s attention away from her. It’s easy for Jinx to antagonize her, and with the series of misunderstandings in episode 6, her paranoia only builds. This is a key factor of paranoid delusions: even things that may be considered misunderstandings or misinterpretations are “evidence” of the delusion to the person. Hallucinations, such as the one in episode 7 where Jinx sees Caitlyn mocking her, add to this and further corroborate Jinx’s delusion that Caitlyn is out to get her.
The most intense moment of this occurs in episode 8 during Singed’s operation. It’s clear from episode 5 that one of shimmer’s side effects is psychosis, as Vi hallucinates her mother and sister after drinking the potion. In psychotic people, certain drugs can induce and worsen psychosis, and this can be seen during and after the operation as Jinx’s hallucinations get more vivid and her delusions more intense. Jinx hallucinates Vi taking out a gun and shooting her younger self, before that form turns into Caitlyn, mocking Jinx as she holds her and her sister’s beloved bunny toy. Then, Jinx sees Caitlyn is the one performing the painful procedure, and Vi is by her side, encouraging Caitlyn to continue inflicting harm. This is all proof to Jinx that Caitlyn wants to harm her and “steal” Vi’s attention. Jinx’s actions at the end of episode 8 and in episode 9 are a direct result of this thought process.
It’s important to note that to an outside observer, such as the audience or Caitlyn and Vi during the “party” scene, Jinx’s belief that Caitlyn and Vi are trying to harm her is irrefutably false. It’s obvious by Vi’s characterization that she would never do such a thing, and Caitlyn, while untrusting of Jinx, doesn’t want to harm her. Even if someone was able to explain to Jinx that the hallucinations of Caitlyn doing such things never truly occurred, the damning part about psychosis and Jinx’s decreasing insight (being able to tell that you are experiencing symptoms) is that these things actually happened to her. This can be a confusing concept for non-psychotic people, so allow me to break this down.
While the delusions and hallucinations of psychosis are not real, the person experiences them as real events and as such, reacts to them with real emotions. For example, if you found out a loved one has passed away, you would experience a lot of grief and pain. A psychotic person with low insight experiencing a delusion of a loved one passing away is experiencing the exact same level of grief and pain. Then, during the recovery stage when the person is regaining insight, they have to struggle with the doubt of whether or not the person is still alive. The same thing happens in paranoid delusions, only the struggle is typically whether or not the person actually inflicted harm, and whether or not you can trust them again. Even though Vi and Caitlyn did not hurt her, to Jinx they did. Jinx’s pained reaction to this, while greatly intensified by her borderline personality disorder, is understandable considering this. Caitlyn tortured her. Vi betrayed her. This is what is reality to Jinx in the middle of her acute phase, and her actions are her reaction to that reality.
Arcane did an excellent job portraying psychosis. As someone who is very familiar with auditory and visual hallucinations and paranoid delusions, the show portrayed these in a way that was respectful, realistic, and personally relatable. Arcane did not romanticize Jinx’s struggles, nor did it use them for comedy or horror. I’m excited to see what the writers will do with next season, and I hope they are still able to portray Jinx as a complex individual struggling with mental illness, instead of a wacky manic pixie dream girl or a grimdark horror antagonist.
“You want to what?” Chloe laughs, hoping it smothers the edge of panic in her voice.
“Practice kissing?” Rachel says, breaking into giggles as well even as she shoves Chloe in the shoulder. “C’mon, I’m serious.”
“What are we? Twelve?”
Rachel doesn’t answer, just twists in her seat, her knee pressing into Chloe’s thigh as leans into her across the couch. Chloe laughs, heart pounding, and twists away from the attempted kiss. Rachel gives up, falling backwards with a dramatic sigh; her head hangs off the armrest, long hair dangling down towards the floor. She stretches her arms out over her head, writhing on her back, the hem of her t-shirt riding up to expose the smooth, tan skin of her belly and the hint of a tattoo peaking up across her hipbone. Chloe swallows hard, but Rachel’s got her eyes closed, still wriggling vaguely in time with the music blaring from the speakers across the room, so she doesn’t make herself look away.
“It’s not like you need practice,” Chloe says, even though she knows it makes her sound petty and jealous. Rachel had shown up at her window twenty minutes ago, knees scraped from shimmying up to the roof to sneak in, too high to care. She’d sent Chloe a picture earlier in the night, two bright blue tablets stamped with cartoony happy faces cupped in her palm, captioned with a series of question marks and directions to Frank’s RV.
Chloe had declined the offer. She needed to be trapped in that shitty tin can on E with Rachel and Frank like she needed another hole in the head. She has no idea what the deal is with them right now, if they’re on or off, or if that even matters. She stares at Rachel’s belly flexing and rolling rhythmically and wonders if they fucked tonight. If they did, it couldn’t have been any good if Rachel was here now, begging Chloe to makeout with her. If they hadn’t, it would be because Rachel had left to come here and beg Chloe to makeout with her.
Why, exactly, was she saying no?
“Pfft,” Rachel pulls herself up to rest on her elbows, face pink from the rush of blood. She’s bright-eyed, a light sheen of sweat on her face, and there’s a slight vicious edge to her smile when she kicks Chloe gently and accuses, “Maybe I don’t, but you probably do. You prude.”
“Better than being a slut,” Chloe says, pinching Rachel’s thigh hard enough to make her yelp.
She draws herself up to her knees, throwing one thigh over Chloe’s hip to straddle her. She leans in, brushing her nose against Chloe’s and grinning when she inhales sharply, like she’s trying to pull Rachel’s essence into her lungs.
“If you don’t want to, that’s fine,” Rachel says, voice sweet and deadly. She lifts a hand slowly, drags the side of her thumb along Chloe’s hairline down to her ear, and tangles her hands in Chloe’s hair, dragging her spread fingers through the dyed blue strands. She closes her eyes at the feeling, shivers in Chloe’s lap, and it’s everything Chloe can do not to break down begging to touch her right there. “I can go practice with someone else.”
“Who?” Chloe asks, roughly. She clears her throat, even though it’s embarrassing and obvious, and fights to keep her hands at her sides, like none of this matters.
“I don’t know, Chloe,” Rachel says rolling her eyes, like Chloe’s being dumb. “Depends what my options are.”
“You’re the fucking worst,” Chloe says, but doesn’t pull away when Rachel sways into her again, pressing their bodies together.
Rachel moans exaggeratedly, rolling her hips into Chloe’s abdomen, “Oh yeah, baby. Talk dirty to me. Tell me what a bad girl I am.”
She’s so annoying.
Chloe grabs Rachel by the hips and levers them both off the couch, planting her feet firmly and hoisting Rachel over her shoulder in one movement that sets Rachel squealing and wriggling against her. Chloe’s deeply impressed that she only sways for a moment before regaining her balance, hiking Rachel up more securely with a heave of her shoulder. “Quit squirming, or I’ll drop your ass,” Chloe laughs.
Once they reach the bed, Chloe tosses Rachel onto the mattress. She lands on her side and rolls onto her back, still giggling manically, hair fanned out against the sheets like a halo. She’s so beautiful it hurts to look at.
Chloe stretches her body out over Rachel’s, knees digging into the mattress on either side of Rachel’s hips. She leans in close, their lips nearly brushing. “This what you wanted?”
Rachel nods and hums, straining her neck upwards for a kiss, but Chloe leans back.
“Want me to kiss you?” Chloe asks.
“Yeah.”
Rachel reaches out, cupping the back of Chloe’s head and tries to pull her back down. Chloe leans back, settling upright on Rachel’s hip and peels the hand out of her hair with a firm grip on Rachel’s wrist. She stares at it for a moment, her fingers wrapped around the inky black star over Rachel’s pulse. She draws it up to her lips, covers the tattoo with her mouth instead.
Rachel makes a low noise in her throat and squirms under her.
“Like that?” Chloe asks, finally pulling away.
“No,” Rachel says, and the playful look is fading from her eyes, replaced with something bottomless and real that make Chloe’s chest ache.
“No?” Chloe asks. “Like this?”
She leans down, dragging her nose across Rachel’s temple, nuzzling it against her ear. She scrapes her teeth down the lobe, bites gently, presses a soothing kiss to the same spot in apology once Rachel hisses from the pain.
“Not like that,” Rachel says. “Chloe, please.”
“Please what?” And it feels good, to have Rachel ask and mean it, instead of just demand and expect.
“Please kiss me?”
“I am kissing you,” Chloe says, dragging her mouth down Rachel’s jaw to the spot where her neck meets her shoulder. She bites again, harder, and Rachel’s hips buck up into hers with a sharp jerk. She moans and Chloe bites harder, until she’s gasping, twisting away and Chloe knows tomorrow she’ll have a bruise. She kisses the reddened skin tenderly, feeling the light indents her teeth have left.
“Up here,” Rachel pleads, twisting her hands in the fabric of Chloe’s shirt. “Up here. Please, Chloe?”
It’s a rush to kiss Rachel Amber and feel in control of it, for once. And maybe if this is how Rachel feels when she’s teasing and goading her instead, Chloe can kind of understand. She tastes like Gatorade and vodka, sweet and sharp, and her mouth is warm and open for whatever Chloe demands.
Chloe kisses her soft, light, and Rachel keens and chases her mouth. Chloe kisses her hard, with teeth, and Rachel moans low and scrapes her painted nails down the back of Chloe’s neck. When Chloe soothes with the flat of her tongue, Rachel pushes up against her, demanding more. When Chloe slides her mouth down to suck another bruise into Rachel’s pulse point she sighs so loud and high Chloe almost startles at the sound.
“You like that?” Chloe asks, rocking their hips together, watching Rachel’s eyelids flutter closed.
She nods, rolls her head back into the mattress, whispers something Chloe doesn’t catch.
“What?”
Rachel doesn’t answer, so Chloe stops rocking, wraps her fist into Rachel’s hair and tugs until she opens her eyes again.
“What’d you say?” Chloe demands.
Rachel strains up against her, tries to restart their rhythm but gives up after a few moments with no response. She blinks a few times, eyes still too-bright but gaze far away, trapped somewhere in the faded glowing stars adorning Chloe’s ceiling.
“Rachel?” Chloe prompts, gentler, loosening her grip in Rachel’s hair.
It pulls Rachel back from wherever she went in her mind. She looks up at Chloe, smiling softly. This time when she leans up to kiss her, Chloe allows it, stunned by the gentleness of the contact. All at once, the energy between them shifts, mellowing, turning soft. “Coming down, I think.”
“I’ll get you some water?” Chloe offers, moving to sit up, but Rachel hooks a leg over her hip and tugs her back down.
“In a bit,” Rachel counters. “Kiss me a little while longer?”
Chloe smooths a damp lock of hair away from Rachel’s sweaty forehead, touches her lips to Rachel’s brow. “Yeah, okay.”
She lowers herself back down over Rachel, chest to chest, and can’t tell whose heart is beating faster.
jacobvanloon
snowghoul
kaledo-art
2087
turnnoffyourmind
