Claire Keane
No title available
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
blake kathryn
Today's Document
$LAYYYTER
Product Placement
JVL
The Bowery Presents
bliss lane
cherry valley forever
Xuebing Du
d e v o n
No title available
𓃗
No title available
oozey mess
h
No title available
shark vs the universe
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Italy
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Sweden
seen from Canada
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Thailand
seen from United States
@apportioned-abortion
being an adult is just saying to yourself “this is the weekend i’ll clean my [x]” and then proceeding to not do that because it’s the weekend and you deserve to relax, goddamnit
why does this have 85K notes
because we reblogged it instead of cleaning our [x]
What is Tumblr?
Tumblr is the opiate of the very, very few.
it’s frustrating when you’re talking about an inherently oppressive institution that dehumanizes everyone who is subjected to it and someone is like “it’s especially bad for those it is incorrectly applied to!” as though being the intended victim of an injustice makes it less of a tragedy
been thinking about this lately after some discussions about historical marriage where people have chimed in about how extra awful it would have been for trans men forced into The Wife Role because of dysphoria. which like. yeah. but the thing about The Wife Role in the context of not having civil rights and being the property of a husband is that it is inherently dysphoria-inducing to anyone who identifies as a human being instead of an object.
[opens notes] Jesus CHRIST you people are fucking hopeless I have no fucking words
WOMEN ARE PEOPLE!!!!! ohhh my god WOMEN ARE PEOPLE what is WRONG WITH YOUUUUUU
I finally figured out how to word my thoughts on this specific issue. Radfems, a lot of you are not approaching other women as political equals who need to be equipped with knowledge and tools to help themselves or to exchange ideas with. I can probably speak the best on this issue as a recently peaked and desisted person. I know the issue of exchange is honestly a result of the “op is a terf” mentality and genuinely, I’m not trying to understate the hostility women deal with whenever they interact with any trans identifying people, even women, but I want to take a second to acknowledge what I think needs to change in approach from us when we’re playing on the offensive and initiating these interactions with other women
Most interactions I see with FTMs/nonbinary women are kind of condescending zingers. A more specific critique I have and a barrier for entry to peaking is the language. It’s not that a lot of it is incorrect per se, just that it is not effective with your target audience. When you go to a trans identifying female’s post and say, “You are not nb/a man/xyz, you are a woman”, I know that you are speaking about that person’s biological reality, and using a humanizing term, woman, for female. But to a person immersed in TRA spaces, you are telling them what their “gender identity” or how they should feel about their gender should be. You are often dealing with a person so immersed in “gendie” logic that she has equated woman with housewife, and I think this misogyny is projected back at radfems and that’s where the whole “radfems are conservatives” thing comes from. That conflation is beyond harmful and gross and it isn’t your fault, but it is going to prevent you reminding TRAs of their womanhood from hearing you out, and so it’s no longer an effective strategy. If your goal is to get some sense into, say, a nonbinary woman who is hesitant about seeking needed sexed medical care like a gynecologist visit, you have to assess priorities here. How can I help this woman right now, within her language and boundaries and needs? What sources can I provide to her to help her strengthen her knowledge, and give her tools she needs to have the information she needs now and in the future? Calling her delusional and stupid or making jokes at her expense does neither of those things. It only pushes her away.
And I’m going to be honest you need to stop using these women and their posts as scratching posts. It sucks. The position women are in right now fucking sucks, and I encourage you to call out misogyny and homophobia when you see it absolutely. But the pressure valve release from calling a random woman delusional on a post she’s making about her struggles is not something that is going to help her, and if helping women isn’t the goal of your feminism, it isn’t feminism. It’s frustrating but we need to focus on planting seeds for the long term, and on small victories. We talk often about how isolating and manipulative TRA spaces are, but that never seems to be present in how we’re interacting with women still caught up in them. In the same way you aren’t going to get someone to leave an abusive relationship with one remark, you are not going to get anybody to desist or leave the Gendie Community or whatever with one reblog, especially if it’s cruel or one that can’t be understood by the other person. It’s about letting that woman know that there is a place for her, and equipping her with knowledge that she needs to keep herself safe. By all means, make a vent post, and God damnit sometimes people need to be told straight up what they’re doing is stupid. But that approach won’t work for about 99% of people.
why do so many males sincerely value their cock briefly feeling nice over the wellbeing of women. how are people not constantly upset over this it’s sooo fucking normalized.
tmi stands for tell me immediately
i think one of my other sticking points with austen is that her villains never meet appropriately grisly ends to satiate my bloodlust. if dickens wrote sense and sensibility willoughby would get hit by a train
I can only assume transwomen have access to a special version of tumblr where you have to bind your soul and essence to your account on creation so if its deleted you die in real life
This page from one of my history books looks like a lesbian utopia.
Source: Reclaiming Lost Ground by Neale McGoldrick & Margaret Crocco
Very similar vibes - this 1899 illustration from Puck of butchy (for the time) lesbians looking like the coolest, hottest women to ever walk the earth
I didn't even know they had a category for that
Hollywood really could have that category
as much as everyone loves "the power of love won't save us, we need the power of incredible violence" i'm sorry to rain on your parade but we've actually tried that about ten million times as a species, and you'll be shocked to hear the power of incredible violence, without the power of love behind it, is just brutality. the power of incredible violence has been ruling (various parts of, and then the entire) world for the past 5,000 years. ours is not that damn special.
like yes use that gun you found but WHY are you using it? on who are you using it? what would make you stop using it? is your goal to live in a world where every problem is solved by violence, or is your goal to do the violence necessary to live in a world where that necessity is unthinkable?
do you fucking hear yourself
So many women have internalized the idea that being difficult makes people think less of them, when in my experience the opposite is almost always true. Every single time I have spoken up, voiced what I actually need and refused to shrink the moment in order to be more comfortable for everyone else in the room, I have been approached afterward by people who wanted to know me better. There is no reward waiting for you on the other side of making yourself smaller. People do not love you more for taking up less space, they simply get used to you taking up less space and adjust their expectations accordingly. Every time I have been exactly as audacious as the moment required, it has opened doors rather than closed them and I have made real connections directly because of it rather than in spite of it.
"So you think you're morally better for not watching porn?" I mean I didn't say that, but yeah! Absolutely
Can terfs explain why queer is a slur but not gay?
So far the resounding response from the terfs is:
Queer is used derogatorily and I don't like that so it's a slur
Gay however is used derogatorily but I don't mind so it's not a slur
can you fucking read
Queer: applied to gay people by our oppressors out of scorn and prejudice because they hate us Gay: a mainstream synonym for homosexual that our oppressors use in an insulting manner because they hate us Tumblr dorks: I see no difference. What is nuance, anyway?
More responses OP blocked:
I just genuinely don't understand why you ask a specific group of people for an explanation but then when you get it you either pretend it never happened or delete it
93% of gay men old enough to have lived during the AIDS crisis don’t want to be labeled q*eer. Ask yourself why the victims of nearly 60% of all LGBT-related hate crimes (the largest single demographic) are uncomfortable with this slur.
Taking a domestic violence training. It's a good perspective on how outsiders can help. Will be posting later about anything I think might help people identify and assist friends who might be victims.
Also it's really refreshing that the detectives/judges in the video are honest that the overwhelming majority of victims are women.
So, quick comment bc I'm hungry, this woman was amazing. She's a survivor of domestic violence herself at the hands of a cop. So what did she do after she escaped? She became a detective who specializes in DV cases and is THE formal victim advocate for her entire district. She's with victims who want her help every step of the way.
She didn't mince words. She didn't try to couch her language. She straight up identified male privilege, religion, and the insane lack of prosecution in these cases as key issues. Her male partner detective (I know there's a term but I'm forgetting it), who had gotten shot when he was a teenager for trying to defend his mom from his abusive dad, said bluntly that this woman-hating culture won't change until prosecution and justice is carried out. Entitled men, he said, are the problem.
No dancing around statistics, no playing around with words and pronouns to soften the blow of patriarchal violence. Just facts. It was grim, but so incredibly appreciated.
Okay, first off, some stats. Some of these are just for my state or county; some are all across the US. I imagine most other states have pretty similar figures, but you'll see further down that some of them aren't applicable to more gun-wary countries.
Domestic violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime, and it's one of the most lethal -- both for victims, responders, and bystanders.
It most commonly affects women aged 18-24, but women of any age are affected.
1 in 15 kids are exposed to DV every year. 90% of these are direct eyewitnesses. These kids are 6x more likely to attempt suicide.
Men exposed to DV as kids are 3-4x more likely to become abusers themselves. They often use their childhood as an excuse and manipulation tactic.
19% of domestic violence involves a weapon. In this definition, 'weapon' refers to literally any object used to attack or threaten -- from guns to belts.
Pay attention to these weapon stats:
67% of domestic fatalities involve guns (in my county).
15% of domestic fatalities involve knives.
11% of domestic fatalities are caused by blunt force trauma. Blunt force trauma, in most cases, means the abuser beat the victim to death with his bare hands.
Many jurisdictions have implemented, or are in the process of implementing, laws in which domestic abusers' guns are confiscated, either for a certain period of time or indefinitely. While abusers are still able to kill or near-fatally injure victims by other means, taking their guns greatly increases victims' likelihood of surviving. Unfortunately, this practice isn't nearly universal.
Something I didn't know was that in many areas, when a victim goes to file for a protective order, her abuser can come into the courtroom and tell the judge his side of the story. He is allowed to lie and demean her while she is seeking protection. Because of institutionalized misogyny and because of abusers' ability to manipulate the system, they often get the protective order denied -- if the victim even gets to the point of petitioning for one, as the threat of her abuser being present to argue and traumatize her further is a huge deterrent.
Having a victim advocate present can be a game changer.
There are countless reasons why victims of DV might stay with their abuser despite "technically" being able to walk out the door any time. In fact, it takes an average of 7 calls to 911 for victims to act on an escape plan. This obviously isn't because they just up and chose to stay; it's because of the abuser's power over them.
So yeah, don't ever ask a victim "why didn't you just leave??" because that's dumb as shit. But it's important for loved ones to understand why victims can't do that in order to help their individual cases. Some common things that abusers use as leverage to keep their victims silent:
Kids. The abuser might threaten to injure or kill the kids, beat the victim in a custody battle and take them away, and turn them against her (especially if they're grown and out of the house). These threats are not idle. Abusers act on them every day.
Pets. Same thing as kids, really, and they'll also threaten to get rid of them. My own birth father snuck into our yard and killed my dog after my mom and I fled to a dog-friendly home.
Community. Abusers are adept at isolating victims from their loved ones and/or getting their social group on the abuser's side. This is especially true in religious communities, where excuses for abusers and shame on victims are built in.
Finances. Abusers reeeally like to make their victims jobless and financially dependent on them. On a macro level, this makes it hard for victims to get back into the workforce and afford a life on their own. On a micro level, it means that victims won't even be able to afford transportation to victim services medical products, etc.
Physical harm. Not all domestic abusers are physically violent, but many reach that point eventually. To try and prevent an abuser from assaulting or raping her, a victim might keep quiet and comply with less violent - but still abusive - demands.
In a better world, victims could report abuse once and get protection for themselves, protection their kids and pets, and financial support. But as one victim who agreed to be interviewed said, "When bad things happen to him, worse things happen to me. He'll spend a week in jail and then come home, and he'll beat me. The justice system will shame me. The police won't believe me next time."
So, what can you do if someone you know is a victim of domestic violence?
Unfortunately, as we all know too well, there is no easy way out. Victims are often resistant to any attempts to help them; the legal barriers are hellish even for lawyers; and anyone who tries to help a victim is put at risk for being a target of the abuser. But y'all already know that. Here's some actual concrete tips for helping someone once she reaches out to you, or in preparation for if she does:
Be aware of local domestic violence programs for survivors. There are so many more in my area than I was expecting! These nonprofits work closely (and, often, secretively so as not to become targets for abusers) with local health departments, hospitals, schools, police, EMTs, charities, and businesses. They can do anything from providing housing, food, and clothes to accompanying survivors to court hearings and walking them through the legal process.
Be affirming and supportive. Clearly state that she deserved better, that the abuse wasn't her fault at all, and that she made the right choice in leaving. (Y'all already know all of this, I just want to cover my bases.)
Maintain contact. I'm not going to try to tell you what to say or not say in order to encourage reluctant victims to get legal help; I don't know enough, and every woman is different. But just keeping casual contact is like a lifeline.*
*note: burnout is real for women who have to watch their female friends and family go through shitty relationship after shitty relationship. It's heartbreaking, it's frustrating, and it drains your empathy. Interfering can also put you at risk. I am NOT trying to say that those feelings are unfounded.
to be continued, gotta run real quick
