Lady C.

F . 22 . Just for Fun. PhD in Yapology

[ladycaramelswirl]

❤︎ Cara, she/her

❤︎ ENFJ-T, enneagram type 7

❤︎ gemini sun, virgo moon, virgo rising

💕🫧🌸☁️🎀✨🤍🌺🌙

Please be kind, not just to me but to others in the comments too!

I don’t take requests. (I’m far too inconsistent of a writer, you’ll be waiting forever) However please feel free to ask questions or send thoughts!

—————

Works:

Aaron Hotchner x Reader:

🤍 definitely not old (comedy, crack plot)

💔 i love you more (angst, no happy ending)

❤️ a dream like you (smut, pining) [excerpt from “It Happened In Texas”, written to be read as a standalone]

❤️ tease (smut)

multiple part series:

It Happened In Texas (unfinished, hiatus)

[darkbluekies]

Guys the kitten ...

I have never met such a cozy kitten in my life :( he sleeps on people, by people, passes out wherever, and cuddles like a maniac

However....

This *thing* is fucking wild?? He's so fast i barely know where he is most of the time, he's pushed both a speaker and the toilet bursh holder so there was water all over the floor, we've removed all the paintings and the plants because this little shit manages to break them too, he's walked on my computer, we found him in the sink, he plays parkour in the kitchen, he climbs curtains, SCREAMS the second he's left unsupervised

2 days ago we lost him and I looked EVERYWHERE. I tried toys, calling him, making dumb noises ... and this was where he was all the time. Not a care in the world ... I forgave him because he's so damn cute

The absolute coziest ... and the absolute wildest ...🥺

[ladycaramelswirl]

Bruce when he first adopted dick grayson

[ladycaramelswirl]

Hi there 👋,

My name is Mohammad, and I’m reaching out in a moment of desperate need. I’m a father of three young children living in Gaza, and we are caught in the midst of a catastrophic war. Our home is no longer a safe haven, and the future here seems increasingly uncertain. 💔

I’ve launched a fundraising campaign with the goal of raising $40,000 to relocate my family to a safer place where my children can grow up in peace and have a chance at a brighter future. 🕊️🇵🇸

Unfortunately, my previous fundraising efforts were abruptly halted when my account was terminated without explanation. However, I remain determined to keep fighting for my family’s safety and well-being. 🫶

If you could take a moment to read our story, consider donating, or simply share our campaign with others, it would make an incredible difference. Every act of kindness, no matter how small, brings us one step closer to safety and a new beginning. 🙏

Thank you for your time, compassion, and support. ❤

https://gofund.me/fd1faea2 🔗

I don’t really have that many followers, but I hope this helps spread the link even a little!

[ladycaramelswirl]

Tease

Aaron Hotchner x girlfriend reader

Summary: Hotch is a workaholic and you’re just… helping everyone out (mouth fucking him senseless). Word Count: 1.1k

A/N: reader is kinda bratty 🤭 Hotch is canonically a giggly kisser and weak to teasing, sooo… I did what I had to do. Idc. Porn no plot. warnings/tags: adult content, mdni. Sex in public? Don’t do this at your workplace guys. No use of y/n. Praise kink if you squint.

enjoy 🤍

———————

You wait until everyone’s distracted to slip into Hotch’s office and close the door behind you. He smiles at your presence.

“Hello”, he says softly. 

You walk over to seat yourself in his lap and he wraps an arm around your waist to keep you steady. 

“Want to do something fun?”, you tease, playing with his tie. He looks at you apologetically.

“Honey, I have so much work to do”.

Lying workaholic. He needs a break and you both know it. You give him a playful shove.

“No you don’t. You’ve already finished everything for today. Let’s go home”, you insist. He rubs his thumb against your hips. 

“I know, but I want to get this extra stuff done today”, he says, taking your hand off of his tie to kiss it. 

You take the other hand and palm him through his trousers and he groans. You grin, sliding in closer and grinding against him. He doesn’t do much to stop you, losing himself in the movement of your ass on his cock.

“L-look”, he stammers, his breath hitching in pleasure. “Maybe later we can-“

He stops talking as you unbutton your blouse to reveal your breasts, held in place by lacy black lingerie. He groans into your neck and you grin, feeling his cock swell under your hips. You lean in to put your lips to his ear.

“Want to see the matching underwear?”

His eyes immediately darken in interest, and he practically picks you up and places you on his desk. Giggling, you unbuckle his belt. 

He smiles as he leaves soft kisses down your neck.

“You’re so perfect”, he murmurs into your skin.

It almost makes you feel bad to push his face away start buttoning your shirt back up. He frowns.

“What are you doing?”

You smile at him not-so innocently.

“I thought you had to work?”

He smirks. 

“If you don’t take off your skirt right now-“

A rap on the door makes you both freeze.

“Agent Hotchner? It’s Anderson. May I come in?”, a shaking voice asks.

You look down at your half open shirt and his unzipped trousers. Shit.

You push Hotch into his chair and crawl under his desk. You hadn’t exactly told anyone you’re dating yet and this is not how you want them to find out. So somehow you find yourself on your knees in front of Aaron’s cock, with an agent only 10 feet away. 

Hotch straightens his tie and you settle into a slightly more comfortable position. The precum from when you were grinding on him earlier glistens in front of you. You feel yourself throb at thought of it in your mouth.

“Yes, come in”, Hotch calls out. 

You pull his chair closer into the desk. You know you shouldn’t, but you can’t help but run your tongue up from the base to his tip, lightly sucking the head. Hotch takes a sharp inhale, barely stifling his gasp. You grin as you slowly lower your mouth onto his cock and see him grab onto his desk for dear life. This was what he gets for refusing to go home on time. 

Anderson walks in, his anxious hands fiddling with a file.

“Sir?”, he asks. “I was wondering…” 

You hear him shuffle his feet on the carpeted floor. Hotch furrowing his brows in a desperate attempt at a poker face was probably not helping the poor agent’s nervousness. Hotch runs a hand soothingly along the top of your head, trying to signal to you to slow down. It only makes you hollow your cheeks and squeeze the underside of his cock with your tongue, causing his stomach to flex in restraint. The young agent is still stammering.

“Spit it out Anderson”, Hotch grits through his teeth. 

From his angle, he can see the way your lips look on his cock and your breasts peeking out from your barely-there bra. 

You make sure to catch his eye before taking him all the way all the way to the hilt. It makes your eyes water a little, but the way he has to literally close his eyes to take a deep breath makes it totally worth it.

“I was wondering if I could go home early today?”, Anderson asks. “I know that I’m-“

“Yes. Sure, just go”, Hotch says breathlessly. But your movement makes him frown in an attempt to stifle a moan, which gives Anderson the wrong impression. 

“Sir I know that it’s last minute and I should have asked earlier, but I just want to say-“

You use your hands to move with your head up and down his shaft which causes Hotch’s hips to buckle up slightly. 

“Anderson”, he hisses. “Go. Home. Now.”

The poor agent scurries away, barely remembering to close the door. 

Now without the threat of someone overhearing you, Hotch whimpers, which only makes you move faster. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck”, he whispers breathlessly.

He’s desperate to not make any sounds but he can’t help but let out a soft moan. You feel his cock twitch.

“Sweetheart I’m- fuck- I’m going to come-“, he splutters. “God, you’re so-“

You cup his balls and fuck him so good he sees stars, throwing his head back in ecstasy as his cum explodes in your mouth. He’s gripping his chair so tight to keep himself from shouting out your name. 

When you’re certain he’s come down from his high, you release him. He brushes your hair away from your face and pulls you up into his lap.

“I can’t believe you just did that”, he whispers.

“You liked it”, you smirk, giving him a kiss. He smiles, but doesn’t deny it as he kisses you back.

“I’m going to get you back for it someday”, he grins. 

You raise an eyebrow. He is going down.

“You still haven’t seen my underwear”, you tease. Hotch immediately perks up.

“I’m calling it an early day today! Everyone go home!”, he yells through his closed door. Outside Hotch’s office, everyone looks at each other, confused. They can’t tell if he’s joking and no one moves to get up.

You, however, get up from his lap, seating yourself on his table and bringing your hands under your skirt, slowly peeling off your now soaked underwear. In the process, Hotch catches a glimpse of your glistening cunt.

“If you don’t go home now I’m making you do 2 hours of extra paperwork!”, Hotch barks.

You giggle as you hear everyone frantically packing up their things. 

Hotch watches as you drop your underwear to the floor, followed by your shirt. 

“You’re going to be the death of me”, he whispers. 

“Lock the door”, you tell him. 

He looks at you with a glint in his eye, and you know you’re about to get exactly what you deserve for being so naughty.

It’s really only fair that he makes you come so many times he has to carry you to his car.

————————

masterlist

[ladycaramelswirl]

The Instagram Edit

A little social media AU

Aaron Hotchner X wife reader on instagram

A/N: I just needed a break from writing because it was melting my brain. Very unserious. Enjoy!

[ladycaramelswirl]

It Happened In Texas update

I’m sorry to anyone who’s waiting for an update it’s just in order to perfect the plot the tone got so serious and idk how to fit the comedy and smut back in… like can it be serious and also filthy smut and crack comedy? Help 😭

would you mind if there’s just one really dark, plot heavy chapter and then it just goes back to being unserious

no, who cares?

yes wtf? Stay consistent please

Voting ended onSep 11, 2024

I have so many ideas for cute one shots and this long fic is killing me 😭 Is it okay if I just … post whatever I want?

Also sorry for the tags, I’m just not sure how else to reach anyone that might be reading the series

[ladycaramelswirl]

It Happened in Texas

Aaron Hotchner x Fem Reader ❤︎

Chapter 3: You’re not trying to get fired - it’s just raw talent

series masterlist

A/N: The case in this chapter is based on s4e2 where Hotch ignores the doctors orders and goes straight to work after tearing his eardrum 🤡

tags: minor grovelling, slow burn. Hotch needs a hug. Some canon typical violence and a few uses of y/n. Sorry for any typos.

Word count: 2.8k

Enjoy! 🤍

❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎

You are so fired. 

Strauss is getting impatient with your fruitless reports. Hotch and you are not on great terms. In fact, since Jack’s party, he’s been avoiding you like the plague. He isn’t ignoring you or glaring at you anymore, but for some reason, he now never pairs himself up with you and keeps his emails to you even shorter than before. He also refuses to talk to you when Jack comes to visit and spends all his time at your desk. It had taken you months and a 5 year old to give you the courage to make any friends on the team. So why are you standing here, scolding your boss? You must have an innate talent for getting fired.

“Hotch. If you think that never hearing Jack say I love you again, or never hearing him laugh again is worth getting back in the field straight away, I’ll think you’re insane, but I’ll never bring it up again. However, I don’t think you’re willing to tell your son his dad can’t hear him anymore because he wasn’t taking care of himself”. 

You take a deep breath, and add for good measure,

“Sir”. 

Hotch stares at you. You are not a confrontational person (at least with your colleagues). And right now you were so out of line. While everyone else might have warmed up to you, you and Hotch aren’t exactly friends. But you had gotten to know Jack, who had been the catalyst to you becoming friends with the team. He’s probably the only reason that you don’t hate your job now. You love that kid. And after seeing Hotch clutch his ears at the graveyard and overhearing him ignore Morgan when asked if he was cleared to fly, you felt you needed to say something. Clearly no one else was going to. 

But why wasn’t Hotch saying anything? You shuffle your feet and try not to think about your face heating up from embarrassment. Where was the person from 30 seconds ago who was basically scolding her boss? Your resolve had completely evaporated. And now you were nervous. Which was a very bad thing to be in front of a profiler.

“I know that you’re my boss and we aren’t exactly friends, but I’m saying this as a…”, what were you exactly? An overeager people pleaser who had just gotten the team to get used to working with you. And an idiot who is currently screwing up her chances of staying employed at the one job you had left. “As a person who respects you a lot”, you decide on. This is definitely true. He was a good person, even if he clearly didn’t like you. He might be avoiding you, but he’s still polite. And if he didn’t say something soon, you were going to say something stupid. 

“You’re also the best boss I’ve ever had, so if you permanently lose your hearing and have to be taken out of the field, that would suck for me too”, you laugh nervously. 

Damn it, you were already in saying stupid things territory. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Oh god, what if your rant was hurting his ears? You start whispering.

“Are you okay? Am I being too loud? I’m sorry, I’m just going to shut up”, you say softly. He’s still staring. 

“I should go now”, you mumble and promptly run away, immediately making your way to the precinct bathroom and locking yourself in a stall. Why did you say anything? The rest of the team had just left him alone, but you were never a fan of turning a blind eye to people’s problems. It just didn’t seem right. Despite the fact that the other team members are clearly each other’s family, you are technically just a coworker. So you’ve definitely overstepped, but it just didn’t seem right to let it happen. To Jack. Not Hotch. Though technically you did care about Hotch too. As a friend. Probably. 

“Hey, you okay in there?”

You startle from your thoughts and see Emily’s shoes from under the stall. You quickly shake yourself together and flush the toilet you clearly haven’t used before coming out.

“Yeah? Am I not allowed to pee?”, you laugh, washing your hands. Emily frowns, but knows better than to press. She might have seen you run out of a precinct conference room you’d been alone with Hotch in, but you’re not going to tell her why and she doesn’t overstep boundaries. She pretends to believe you and moves the conversation to the case. The team has figured out who the unsub is and are about to raid her house. You both leave the bathroom and move towards the SUVs with everyone else. Everyone except Hotch. 

“We gotta go. Where the hell’s Hotch?”, Derek asks.

“He was on the phone with Strauss, said he wanted us to go without him”, Rossi says, walking to the passenger seat. “Let’s go”.

Derek shrugs his shoulders and everyone piles into the cars. You feel your stomach drop. Technically you did just tell your superior off. Was he going to report you for insubordination? Maybe he had had enough and was finally telling Strauss to transfer you. He hadn’t wanted you on the team in the first place. If you get fired from the BAU you’ll probably have to leave the FBI. You shake your head. Whatever happens, the case comes first. You need to stop the unsub before she hurts anyone else. 

You try to forget about your earlier conversation with Hotch and focus on the case. The unsub’s apartment is empty, but Rossi finds her next target, Faye Landreaux, in her journal. You all drive to her house and Emily distracts the unsub while Morgan sneaks Faye outside. She’s trembling like a leaf and doesn’t respond when you ask if she’s okay, so you guide her to a paramedic to make sure she hasn’t gotten any injuries. Technically your priority right now should be the unsub, but the entire police department and 4 FBI agents have a gun pointed at her and Faye is completely alone. You don’t feel right leaving her yet, so once she’s been looked at, you try to talk to her when you hear a gunshot from behind you. Faye cries out and you let her know she’s okay. The sheriff has shot the unsub. It’s over. A police officer the victim knows starts talking to her so you move back to the team. Emily pulls back the unsub’s shirt to reveal that she had maimed herself to become the “Angel Maker’s” last victim. You fail to not feel nauseous. 

It’s late, so you’re all staying the night in Ohio. On the drive, everyone’s talking about how early they have to get up tomorrow. You look out the window and can’t stop thinking about love and what it does to people. What it did to Chloe Kelcher. To all of the “Angel Maker’s” fans. Female unsubs that hurt other women always bothers you more than other cases. Emily notices your silence. 

“You okay?”, she asks quietly. 

“Just tired”, you smile. If she notices it doesn’t reach your eyes, she doesn’t mention it. She nudges her knee against yours - an ‘I’m here if you need me’ without words. 

You nudge her back - ‘thanks. I know’. She smiles. You really are tired though - it’s 2am because the unsub liked attacking at night - and you stifle a yawn. You’re about to fall asleep when the car abruptly stops, signalling your arrival. 

It’s a cute inn, the owner offered you all free rooms for the night as a thanks for capturing the unsub. Everyone piles out, eager to go to bed. You’re suddenly awake though when you see who’s in the lobby handing out keys - Hotch. He’s looking straight at you. Everyone grabs their keys and turns in for the night. If anyone notices you and Hotch lag behind, they don’t say. He gestures to a corner with some armchairs. 

“Can we talk for a minute?”

You nod, slowly taking a seat. You’re too afraid to speak and keep your eyes on the ground. Was he going to fire you now? In some inn in rural Ohio?

“Thank you.”

What? 

You snap your head up to meet his gaze. 

“I called Strauss earlier to let her know I’m taking 2 weeks off from the field. You were right earlier. What I’m doing isn’t fair to the team or to Jack. I want to apologise for putting you in a position where you felt you needed to tell your boss that he was being stupid. That shouldn’t have to be your responsibility.”

He looks straight into your eyes and you can see the sincerity flooded in his. 

“I’ll be taking a car back to Quantico. I shouldn’t have gotten on a plane at all in my condition. You don’t have to worry about me.” He takes a breath. “And I appreciate you telling me what I needed to hear. Even if you shouldn’t have had to”, he adds. 

You don’t know what to say, so you say the first thing that pops into your brain. 

“I’m not fired?”

Aaron looks incredibly guilty. 

“You thought I was going to fire you?”

You nod, still unable to form coherent thoughts in your relief. 

“No you are definitely not fired. I’m sorry for making you feel like your job was on the line”, he says and feels even guiltier at the obvious release of tension in your shoulders.  “If anything I should be fired for endangering you all with my inability to make sound decisions”, he sighs. “When you’re the boss, people become too afraid to tell you that you’re wrong. And sometimes I forget that I can be”.

You try to find the right words. “I don’t think being worried about people getting hurt when you’re not working is wrong”, you say. “But I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself. And thank you for apologising.”

Aaron nods at this, searching your eyes for something. He seems to be pleased with what he finds and stands up. You follow suit, and the both of you start to walk towards your rooms. You lapse into silence as you walk up the stairs until Hotch clears his throat.

“Well, when someone tells you that they respect you but you’re being insane, you rethink your priorities a little”, he chuckles, trying to break the ice. 

You feel your entire face grow warm - you had forgotten that you had called him that. 

“Sorry”, you mumble.

He stops abruptly and you turn to look at him. 

“Please don’t ever apologise for what you said to me today.” 

His gaze bores into you as if to try to make you understand. No wonder he has the most confessions from unsubs in interrogations. His stare is a little lethal. Your knees feel a little weak. 

“Sorry for saying sorry?”, you manage.

He raises a brow at you. 

“Ok. Then I’m not sorry?”, you offer. He smiles at this. 

“Good. Because I’m very grateful it happened.”

You beam. 

“I’m glad you think so.”

“I do.”

You reach your room first. You move to unlock your door and he waits to make sure you get inside safety. Your hand stills on the doorknob and you turn around. 

“I hope you know that it’s still true.”

He looks confused. 

“I still respect you. And now I respect you for being able to step back. And for apologising. Maybe it doesn’t mean a lot coming from me, but I think you’re a great boss and a great dad. Jack is very lucky.” You meet his eyes so he knows you mean it. “You’re a good person, Hotch.”

A lump forms in Aaron’s throat. He doesn’t know how to tell you how much your words mean to him. He wishes, not for the first time in his life, that he was better at communicating his feelings. He shakes his head. 

“It does mean a lot. I respect you too, Y/N.”He pauses, as if trying to find the perfect words. “You’re always looking at the good in people. Jack loves you. And you’re kind, not just with the team. When we catch unsubs you always make sure to take care of victims.”

Your eyes widen. You hadn’t known that he’d noticed.

“You’re smart, loyal, empathetic. I know that these last few months have been… unpleasant for you. And I’m sorry for my part in that. But I’m proud to have you on our team. I know that this morning you were just doing what was right, and earlier you said we aren’t friends, but you were the friend I needed today. So thank you.” 

You blink, trying not to well up at his words. You don’t know if anyone’s ever said something like that to you. Afraid you might cry if you speak, you give him a hug. It’s quick, nothing intimate, but it feels righter than words in this moment. You take a step back.

“So we’re friends?”, you ask, opening the door to your room. He looks at you thoughtfully. 

“I’d like to think so”, he smiles softly. You give him a smile back.

“Good night, Hotch.”

“Good night, Y/N.”

You sleep well that night for the first time in a while. 

——

The next morning, you’re quiet as Hotch tells everyone he’s driving back to Quantico instead of taking the jet. You offer to take the drive with him, which surprises yourself just as much as the team. While you had gotten closer with the rest of the team in the last month, you and Hotch aren’t really close enough for you to voluntarily spend 7 hours in a car together. You’re not exactly sure why you offered either. 

You’re too busy trying to get everyone on board that you all miss Rossi’s barely hidden glee at this unexpected development in your relationship. 

“It’ll be fun!”, you say excitedly. 

“I love you, but 7 hours is crazy baby girl”

“Long car trips make me nauseous. In fact there’s a correlation between-”

“Yeah no, the baby makes me carsick.”

“The thought of being trapped in a car for 7 hours makes me sick”

You’re a little sad because a group road trip would be fun, and it would help to have a buffer between you and Hotch, but it is unfair to force everyone into something they’re uncomfortable with, so you give everyone a hug goodbye before sliding into the passenger seat beside Hotch. You can almost feel him overthinking. 

“You don’t have to do this”, he says.

“I know. I want to”, you tell him. Surprisingly, this is true. 

He stares at you.

“It’s 7 hours”

“It’ll be longer if you keep arguing with me”, you shrug.

He stares at you some more.

“I’m not leaving you to do this alone. Plus 7 hours isn’t that long if you’re with a friend”

He smiles at this.

“A friend?”

“Unless you’re taking back what you said last night?”, you ask tentatively. Had he just been reacting to what you said to him? What if-

“No. I meant everything I said”, he says firmly, looking directly at you to make sure you know he’s serious. His gaze that felt intimidating last night, now somehow makes you feel calm. But it might take a while before you can maintain eye contact with him. You turn to face the road.

“Good. Now drive, or I’ll call Reid and ask him to explain the statistics of car crashes in Ohio”, you tease. His eyes crinkle in amusement.

“Driving right now”.

You grin and start looking at your CD options.

“If I’m your friend does this mean I get to choose where we eat lunch?”, he asks.

You roll your eyes.

“You didn’t let me drive so I’m picking lunch.”

“Yes ma’am”.

Bonus scene:

“They’re driving here together from Ohio? Doesn’t Hotch hate her?”, Penelope asks through the screen. 

“I don’t think he hates her. Don’t you remember what it was like when I first joined?”, Emily asks the team. 

“We never hated you! Except maybe Spencer. But that was a whole other thing. I just don’t get why he still doesn’t like her. She’s so sweet”, Penelope pouts.

“He didn’t tell her no, so that’s an improvement”, Derek reasons.

“I didn’t hate Emily!”, Spencer scoffs.

Emily raises an eyebrow at him which causes him to sputter. 

“Well ok I wasn’t very nice to you at first. But it wasn’t because I hated you”, he tries to explain. Emily mouths a quick “I know” to let him know she’s joking. 

“I don’t think Hotch has ever hated Y/N”, Rossi chuckles. “He just needs time.”

Everyone nods. They all relied on him now, but Hotch was famous for being cold at first. Rossi grins at everyone missing his point. Being the only profiler on the team with relationship experience made for excellent entertainment. They’ll get it at some point, he thinks, sipping his drink. 

(to be continued)

Main Masterlist

[ladycaramelswirl]

kindly stop putting the jennifer jareau hashtag onto fics that are aaron hotchner x reader, it’s annoying

I didn’t know 😭 I thought the non xreader tags were for if they appear in the story? But I’ll keep it in mind for next time! sorry :(

[prophetic-writer]

Unreliable narrator? More like unreliable author

[ladycaramelswirl]

It Happened in Texas

Aaron Hotchner x Fem Reader❤︎

Chapter 2 : five year olds are better than you (at making friends)

series masterlist

A/N: Yet again I’ve written an unrealistic scenario for the plot. And I’ll do it again. This is just crack plot and some fluff. The team having a good time. Use of y/n a few times.

Fun fact for context: most handcuffs used by law enforcement have universal keys

word count: 2.8k

Enjoy! 🤍

❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎

You make it through the next few months without any issues. You go on a case, report to Strauss and decline any of the team’s non-work-related invites. The team is polite, but you (deservedly) feel like an outsider. And Hotch still ignores you most of the time. You’ve both managed to somehow do your job and pretend the other person doesn’t exist. The team pretends not to notice. Your days start to seem cyclical, but at least unlike Houston, no one refuses to work with you. 

“Hi!”

You startle from your paperwork to see a child smiling at you. He’s sweet looking, with blonde hair and big brown eyes. How did a child get in here?

“I like your hair. Are you daddy’s new work friend? Are you also a superhero?”

It’s an odd lineup of questions. You try your best to answer them.

“Thank you. I like your hair too. I’m not a superhero, I think. Your dad is a superhero?”

The child nods seriously.

“He’s not a real superhero like Spider-Man, but he’s a superhero to me”, he tells you. 

Your heart melts. His father must be a really great dad.

“That’s so cool! Are you here to visit him?”, you ask.

The child nods. “But he’s busy right now”.

You don’t remember anyone on the team mentioning family visiting today. 

“What’s your name? 

“Jack”.

“Hi Jack, I’m y/n”.

Who was this kid?

“Uncle Spence!”

You watch the young profiler hug the child. 

Jack tries to hustle him for candy, but Spencer apologises and says he doesn’t have any. You offer him a chocolate from your drawer which immediately makes you Jack’s favourite. He decides to take residence on your lap. 

You look at Spencer. 

“Uncle?”

He looks flustered. 

“Oh that’s just what he calls us. He’s Hotch’s kid”.

What? This little angel?

“Jack? Jack where are you?”

You look up to see Hotch come out of his office looking distressed. 

“I’m here!”, the boy shouts.

Hotch makes his way over.

“Sorry buddy the meeting ran late I - ”

He notices where Jack is sitting and looks at you apologetically. 

“His school suddenly closed today and I couldn’t get a babysitter. Sorry if he bothered you”.

Oh? So he’s not ignoring you if it’s in front of his kid. Noted.

“No that’s okay. Sorry for giving him chocolate. He said he was hungry”.

Hotch picks him up from your lap. 

“It’s not a problem”, he tells you. “Sorry for making you wait Jack. Let’s go have lunch”, he tells the child. 

Jack looks at his dad. 

“Can she come to my birthday party?”

Hotch looks between you and his son hesitantly. 

“Buddy it’s in three days. She might be busy”.

Jack looks devastated.

“Please?”, he asks you.

“That’s okay. I can come”, you tell him.

“See dad!”, Jack tells Hotch.

“I’ll text you the address. And thank you”, the older Hotchner tells you.

“No problem”.

————————————

You make sure to enter the party late and wait until you see Hotch talking with a parent to sneak in. The BAU are all in one corner, drinking and laughing together. You steer clear of them and leave your present on the gift table. When you’ve run out of moms to talk to, you start clearing up garbage and washing dishes. A little blonde head pops up beside you.

“Hi!”

“Jack! Happy Birthday!”

He opens his arms for a hug and you bend down to oblige.

“Why are you tidying up?”, he asks.

“Well I didn’t really have much to do and I wanted to help out”, you tell him.

Jack frowns.

“So you don’t have any friends?”, he asks, deeply concerned. 

“No, I have friends. I-“, you think to yourself. You had uprooted your life to move to D.C. for this job. The only people who you knew in the city were your coworkers. Who you avoid because technically, you’re spying on them. Jesus Christ, the kid is right. You have no friends.

Jack sees you come to the realisation in real time and pats your arm like you’re a dog.

“That’s okay. Sometimes people have very little friends. Like my dad. Uncle Dave always says, that’s why you have no friends Aaron”, Jack tells you, imitating the older man.

You choke on air.

“Auntie Pen says dad would have more friends if he smiled more. Do you smile?”, Jacks asks you seriously.

You nod. 

He seems satisfied. “Then you can prob’ly have friends”, he tells you. “But if not, it’s okay because you can be my friend”.

You smile. How did such a grumpy man raise this kid? 

“I’d love to be your friend Jack”, you tell him. “You’re my favourite Hotchner. But don’t tell your dad”. You didn’t need him thinking that you were trying to get closer to the team by befriending Jack.

“Don’t tell me what?”

You turn to see your scowling unit chief.

You feel your stomach drop, but his face causes Jack to giggle. 

“It’s a secret!”, he tells his dad, jumping into his arms. Hotch picks him up and gives him a soft kiss on his head. He whispers something in Jack’s ear which makes his eyes light up and he scrambles to the backyard. Hotch looks at you for an explanation.

You shrug you shoulders. “A secret’s a secret.”

Hotch stares at you like he can somehow read your mind if he looks at you long enough.

“You’re very loyal”, he says. 

His tone is accusatory, and you’re certain he’s talking no longer talking about Jack.

I don’t want to be, you want to say. But you need your job.

“I care about my friends. That makes me loyal”, you say.

He scoffs. “She’s not your friend”.

You try not to roll your eyes. Obviously you don’t think Strauss is your friend.

“And are you?”, you ask. “My friend”.

Hotch stares at you like you’ve sprouted a second head, but he doesn’t have time to answer because Jack tackles you into a hug. 

“Thank you thank you thank you!” 

You’re thrown off balance by the force of the child and almost fall over. Hotch grabs your arm to keep you steady then quickly lets go. Jack holds up the Lego set that you bought him. 

“Dad this is the one I said I wanted! The limited edition one!”, he says excitedly.

Hotch smiles at his son. “That’s so great buddy”.

Jack runs off to show everyone else. Hotch looks at you gratefully.

“I’ve been looking for that everywhere. I can’t believe you found it. You got it in two days?”.

After overhearing him asking JJ about it in the office and had scouring the internet for one, you had used your day off yesterday to go to some sketchy seller in New York because they refused to ship it to you for some reason. You had technically bought it to get on Hotch’s good side, but the hassle was worth it to see Jack’s face light up. 

“I care about my friends”, you shrug.

Hotch stares at you again. 

“Well I’m sure Jack appreciates it. Thank you.”

You nod and he looks like he might say something else, but he just grabs a bag of chips and moves to head back to the party. You move back towards the sink.

“You don’t have to do that”, he tells you. “The dishes, or tidying up - you’re a guest. Thank you for everything you’ve already cleaned. But you should enjoy the party”, he tells you before leaving the kitchen. 

You don’t want to go back outside yet so you clean what’s left in the sink and then walk back outside. Jack immediately spots you and makes his way over. 

“Thank you for the present”, he tells you. 

“You already said that”, you laugh. 

“Yeah, but my dad said I have to say it again properly”, he tells you seriously.

Oh. Had they talked about you just now?

“Well you’re welcome. I hope you like it”.

“I like it”, he grins. And then he’s grabbing your hand and dragging you over to the BAU. 

Shit.

“Auntie Emily! Auntie Pen! Y/N is super awesome but she has no friends! You should be friends!”

Nononononono. 

The whole team stares at you and you feel yourself turn bright red. Thank God for foundation. You need to fix this, now.

“Jack, that’s um very nice of you, but-“

“What do you mean Jack?”, Emily asks. “She’s our friend already. We even sleep in the same room on trips. I don’t do that with non-friends”, she adds. She’s talking to him, but she looks at you. 

Thank God for Emily Prentiss. You shoot her a grateful look.

Jack looks at you sadly. “Does this mean we can’t be friends now? Because you already have grown up friends?”

“No way! Of course we’re still friends”, you tell him. Jack beams. He’s so cute, you think. You wish Hotch smiled this much.

“Ok! Then I’m going to play Star Wars now”, he tells you, running off. You’re immediately reminded that you’re standing beside your coworkers who are all grinning at you.

“I am so sorry-“, you start.

“She refuses to come out for drinks, doesn’t talk to us outside of work, but she tells a 5 year old that she needs help making friends”, Derek teases.

“I don’t need help making friends! I-“

“Name one time you willingly came for drinks with us”, Emily says.

You both know it’s none.

“I-“

“Leave the kid alone. She’s probably scared of all of you hounding her with all your questions”, Rossi chides. 

“This is so great!”, Penelope tells you. “I mean you’ve been avoiding us so we thought you didn’t want to be friends, or Strauss was telling you things about us, but if you’re just freaked out, we can be totally be normal!”

Spencer coughs. “That last part may prove difficult”.

Penelope smiles at you and lightly smacks him.

“So? You want to have drinks after this?”

You should say no. But Penelope was right. If you kept saying no, it sent the wrong message. You did like them.

“Ok”.

The group raises a glass to you and you smile. 

Maybe this won’t be so bad.

—————————

This was bad. When they said ‘have drinks’, you thought they meant at a bar, talking over drinks like colleagues. Turns out they meant drinking games and shots. At Hotch’s house. Post birthday party, which meant everyone was already a couple of drinks in when you started. 

“Truth or dare!”, JJ shouts.

“Dare!”, Penelope yells.

“I dare you to… wear one of Hotch’s ties and pretend to be him for the next round!”

Derek grins. “Good luck baby girl. Don’t let the boss man kill you.”

Penelope makes a point of furrowing her brows. “Don’t call me baby girl. That is inappropriate for the workplace”, she huffs in a deep voice. The whole table erupts in laughter. Then Emily turns to you. 

“Truth or dare!”

You’re not sure you can handle any questions at your level of inebriation.

“Dare”.

Emily looks like you’ve handed her a briefcase full of cash. Oh no.

“I dare you… to kiss the person this bottle lands on!”

God, if you’re there, help me, you think.

Hotch huffs. “Prentiss, she’s your junior, and we are not teenagers. That’s just harassment. Change the dare.”

Thank all that is holy.

Emily pouts. 

“Fine. I dare you to … handcuff yourself to the person the bottle lands on for the rest of the night. Except for when you go to the bathroom”.

What?

“Prentiss-“

“No! If she’s not comfortable, she’s capable for speaking for herself”, Emily says. “Right?”

You nod. You’re pretty much already sitting together with everyone - it won’t make much of a difference anyway.

“It’s fine.”

Emily beams and spins the bottle. I mean it might not be so bad. Being cuffed to Penelope or Spencer could be kind of funny.

“Hotch!”

You had to be cursed.

“Prentiss, this is -“

She ignores him and cuffs his wrist, and the other one to yours. 

“Okay! Now everyone give me your keys so they don’t secretly uncuff. I’ll keep them, so let me know when you need to use the bathroom”.

Hotch glares at her, but everyone hands her their key. Then they move on to bother the next person.

JJ moves over so that Hotch can sit next to you. You hadn’t realised how little space there was on the couch until it’s his thigh touching yours instead of hers.

“I’m sorry about this. Usually they’re less… chaotic”, Hotch tries to explain.

“That’s okay”, you tell him. 

It’s nice. The team reminds you of James, your best friend from your previous job at the Houston field office.

“Can Jack sleep with everyone shouting like this?”, you ask.

Hotch nods. “He’ll pretty much sleep anywhere if I tuck him in first.”

That’s sweet.

“He’s a great kid.”

“Thank you.”

You manage through the next few hours. It turns out that Hotch is a great conversationalist when forced to not ignore you. You’re actually enjoying the way the team somehow ropes him in to things because he’s not great at saying no to them. But it starts to get late. 

“Prentiss? Can you uncuff us please?”

Emily sways and giggles drunkenly. “You’re so nice and polite. Why can’t everyone else say please when they’re asking for things? Derek is rude”, she pouts. “And don’t call me Prentiss. It makes me feel old. Call me Emily.”

“Ok. Emily, please can you give me a key?”, you try again.

“What key?”

“To the handcuffs?”

“I don’t have a keys, I gave mine to Penelope”

What?

“Prentiss, this is not a joke. We all gave you ours. Just give us one”, Hotch scowls.

She leans in to whisper, but in her drunkenness it’s quite loud. “I don’t have any keys. But he’s so mad”. She looks at you excitedly. “Do you have a key?”

“No Emily. I gave you mine”, you tell her patiently. Hotch finds Penelope.

“Garcia! Prentiss says you have the keys to the handcuffs”. 

Penelope stares.

“No I don’t?”

“Emily?”

She looks devastated.

“That’s too bad. He looks mad. Hehe. Bad, mad”.

You and Hotch looks at each other in exasperation. 

“Do you have any spares?”, you ask. 

He shakes his head. 

“My spare is in my car, but I left it at the office yesterday”.

Neither of you can exactly drive to the office handcuffed. And everyone else is highly intoxicated. 

“So we have to just wait until they’re sober?”, you ask.

Hotch runs is free hand over his face.

“Unfortunately”.

You watch everyone else settle down in the spare bedrooms or go home. Then it’s just you and Hotch in the living room.

“I’m sorry, I’d offer to sleep on the couch, but…”, you both look at a happily sleeping Emily. “I’ve only got my bedroom left”.

“Oh.”

“Or we could not sleep? Just drink coffee and wait for… however long it takes them to get up?”, he offers. 

That’s not going to work at all. You don’t function well after staying up all night. Or after too much coffee.

“No, it’s fine. We should sleep and I’m sure you’re tired after the party today”, you tell him. 

“Okay”.

You both reluctantly make your way up the stairs. He offers you a toothbrush and you both brush your teeth in silence. You can’t exactly change handcuffed, so you get into bed with your regular clothes. Hotch turns off the light and you both lie there in the dark. 

“Good night”, you say quietly.

“Good night”, he says back. 

Somehow you both fall asleep.

————————————

You wake up to the smell of cologne and a soft fabric pressed to your face. It’s warm, and you snuggle into it to get closer. Then you feel something poke your shoulder. You blink open your eyes to see big brown eyes on a tiny face. 

“Are you and daddy friends now?”

What?

You look up and see that the warm thing you’re cuddling is actually your boss. You immediately yank yourself back, but forget the handcuff. It yanks him on top of you and the jerking movement makes him wake up.

“What?”, he mumbles sleepily.

Then he realises what’s going on and tries to scramble away.

“Oh, I am so sorry-“

“No, I forgot we were handcuffed and I pulled too hard-“

“That’s my fault-“

“Dad can I have pancakes?”, Jack asks.

You both turn to look at him.

“Of course buddy. I’ll be right down. Can you give daddy 5 minutes?”

“Okay”.

Jack saunters out of the room.

Hotch groans. “I am going to kill Prentiss”.

You giggle, but the sentiment is pretty much the same. 

“Let’s go find her”.

It turns out Emily had hidden the handcuffs under a plant “to be safe” and she apologises profusely as she uncuffs you both. 

“Next time I say no to a dare, it means no”, Hotch tells her.

“Okay”, she tells him. And then looks at you and grabs your hands in supplication. “I am so so sorry. Please forgive me. And don’t let this stop you from going out with us next time, because I promise it’s usually not as bad”.

Hotch glowers at her from beside you. But he seems pleased that at least you’ve been apologised to.

“I have to make breakfast for my son, so go home, or help set the table”, he tells her. 

She rolls her eyes at you.

“Yes sir”.

Hotch stomps away.

Emily and you lock eyes and start giggling. 

Maybe having friends in the BAU won’t be so bad.

Chapter 3

[ladycaramelswirl]

It Happened in Texas

Aaron Hotchner x Fem Reader ❤︎ Chapter 1: Apparently you have a magnet for shitty bosses

series masterlist

A/N: For plot purposes, Haley is not in the picture, but Jack does appear later in the story. Also I gave Strauss some of Linda Barnes’s personality so she’s really annoying :)

Tags/Warnings: mentions of violence typical to Criminal Minds. This becomes a comedy in chapter 2, but chapter 1 is very world/character-buildy, sorry 😭 It gets funnier I swear 🤡

The case in this chapter is loosely based on s3e8.

word count: 2k

Enjoy! 🤍

❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎

“Absolutely not”.

The dark-haired man tries to rein in his barely concealed anger at his boss, who, honestly, you weren’t exactly a huge fan of right now either. He gestures to you.

“I don’t know anything about her. It’s my job to decide whether someone is a good fit for the team”, he scowls. Frankly, you’re impressed that he hasn’t exploded.

“Agent Hotchner, I have hired her because I think she’s perfectly capable of doing the job”. 

You swallow a scoff. Sure. That’s why.

“My decision is final. And you have a case to get to”, Strauss snaps.

Agent Hotchner glares at her as she walks away. Then he turns his stare to you. 

“We’re leaving for a case in 10 minutes. Do you have your go bag?”, he asks, not unkindly.

“Yes sir.”

He nods and walks towards the BAU bullpen. You follow him. 

“I trust you’ll keep this altercation between us”, he tells you. “I don’t want the team to be distracted”.

“Yes, sir”.

“Just call me Hotch.”

“Yes, s- Hotch”.

He’s being pretty nice given the situation he’s been put in. But you wonder, not for the first time today, if you should have turned down this job.

————————————

15 minutes ago

“Come in”.

You step into the office of the blonde woman you’d interviewed with. She had been quite pleasant then.

“Assistant Director Strauss”, you greet her.

“Agent. Take a seat. I’d like to discuss some things before I introduce you to your unit chief”.

You wonder what the unit chief is like. You’d heard great things about Aaron Hotchner from your former colleagues. 

“As I’m sure you know this position at the BAU is a highly coveted opportunity”, she starts.

“Yes ma’am”.

“I’d like you to be comfortable here, so I hope we can work together to make that happen”.

Oh?

“Thank you ma’am. I’ll do my best.”

“Excellent! I’ll be expecting an additional personal report for all of your cases.”

“I’m sorry?”

She smiles at you like you’re stupid.

“Agent Hotchner might run a tight ship, but it’s my job to make sure it runs smoothly”, she tells you. “So I just need you to give me details about your cases. No need to mention it to Agent Hotchner, just write the report and send it straight to me.”

“You want me to report on the team? Without telling them?”

This was not what you signed up for.

She laughs mirthlessly. 

“It’s just a report agent. Think of it as a … peer evaluation. I just want to make sure there’s no issues. I’m sure you would understand. Especially after what happened in Houston?”

You grit your teeth. Of course she knew.

“Yes ma’am”.

You try to smile.

“I knew I was right to hire you”, she says. 

You both know you’re only here because she was the only one who accepted your transfer request. 

“Agent. If this conversation leaves this room, you’ll have to understand why I can no longer keep you on this team”.

Fantastic. You were already getting threatened on your first day. 

You plaster on a smile.

“Of course.”

She smiles back, just as fake.

“Great. Now I’ll introduce you to Agent Hotchner. You’ll have to forgive him for his … attitude”, she says contemptuously. “He’s going through a rough time”.

And now your boss was moody too? You were regretting come here by the second. 

Strauss presses the intercom button on her phone.

“Send him in”.

The door is opened by a tall, handsome man. He’s maybe in his late 30s, and he’s well dressed. He has authority figure written all over him, but he looks confused to see you.

“Assistant Director?”, he greets. You suspect it’s not often that he’s walked into a situation where he doesn’t know what’s happening. An exception being right now.

“Agent Hotchner, come in. I’d like you to meet Agent Y/L/N”.

He stretches a hand forward and you shake it. 

“Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise”.

He looks at Strauss. 

“What is this about?”

Strauss looks like she’s holding back a grin. 

“She’ll be joining the BAU effective immediately”.

Agent Hotchner looks like he’s just been handed a bomb.

———————————— 

Present

He doesn’t talk to you at all as you’re climbing into the jet. The team don’t pretend to hide their shock at your arrival. Hotch quickly introduces you and then takes a seat at the back. You politely smile at their wide eyes, but inside you try to fight the urge to turn around and go kick Strauss in the shin. She didn’t even tell them she was hiring you. Unbelievable. This day could not get any worse. The team starts asking you all sorts of questions. Hotch cuts them off.

“That’s enough. Brief us on the case JJ”.

They all follow his directive immediately. A pretty blonde woman who must be JJ hands everyone on the team a file. There’s a pause as everyone realises you don’t have one, because she didn’t know you would be here. A dark haired woman who introduces herself as Emily offers to share hers with you. You smile at her gratefully and try to be invisible as JJ briefs the team. 

—————————

Your first case is in Bridgewater, Florida. A girl has been found with her body eaten by alligators, her fingers cut off and a pentagram carved into her chest. It’s not exactly a great first day welcome. Hotch comes back from the coroner’s office with news that the victim had been force fed fingers before her death. And that none of them were hers, and six of them are index fingers. Remember when you thought your day couldn’t get any worse? This was definitely worse. You wince at the news and Emily looks at you with concern.

“You okay?”

You nod, but notice JJ and Agent Morgan discreetly share a dubious look. The latter turns to face you. 

“Field offices aren’t exactly the same as the BAU. If you’re not up to it-“

“I’m fine. I’d just like to catch the guy that did this”, you tell him. 

You refuse to look weak or feed into the suspicion that you don’t deserve to be here. Morgan stares at you before nodding in agreement and moving away to look over some files. You do the same to avoid any more conversation, and then notice something strange. You pull out a photo.

“This crime scene shows the books the victim was carrying were arranged into a neat row. This specific placement could suggest the unsub was at some point in a mental institution”.

Morgan looks doubtful, but still takes a look. 

Agent Reid springs up. “Of course! When the severely mentally ill are institutionalised, they’re taught to keep things clean and neat to promote order, exactly like the books in that photo!”

You’re a little speechless at his enthusiasm, but it seems his confirmation convinces the team, who now look a little less skeptical about your abilities. They call Garcia to check for names and update Hotch. Garcia calls back about a specific mental institution for a case like the one you’re looking for. Hotch immediately stands up to leave.

“Reid, let’s go”, he orders. The young genius scuttles after him. 

They find a name for the unsub, Floyd Feylinn Ferrel - a cannibal that believes he’s possessed by a flesh eating demon. He was also at the search party earlier to look for a missing girl. The team finds him, but one victim is still missing - Tracy Lambert. Floyd refuses to talk without Father Marks, the priest at his church. They bring him into the interrogation room with Morgan while you and Rossi pore over the sign in sheets from the search party. You frown. 

“Somethings wrong”, you mutter. The older agent looks at you in confusion.

“He signed the volunteer sheet, but not the search team sheet. It doesn’t make sense”, you say, handing him the papers. Usually unsubs joined the search team. Why would he just volunteer to be there?

“Father, I feel so alone. Like God has abandoned me”, Floyd laments. 

The priest shakes his head kindly. “You are not alone, my son. God is in all of us”.

Your stomach drops as you see exactly what Floyd had volunteered for - the food station. 

“We need to stop the interview”, you panic, flinging open the interrogation room door. 

Floyd stares right at you and grins. 

“So is Tracy Lambert”.

—————————

The plane ride back is quiet. You thankfully hadn’t eaten anything at the search, but you still feel nauseous. Is this what all BAU cases were like? Maybe it wasn’t too late to reapply somewhere else? Your unit chief interrupts your thoughts.

“Good job today Reid, we wouldn’t have caught him if you hadn’t noticed the books”, he says. You freeze in your seat, but the younger agent doesn’t notice your discomfort. In fact he barely looks up from his book to correct the unit chief. 

“Actually it wasn’t me that figured it out. It was y/n”.

Hotch looks taken aback and he turns to you, which leads to some awkward eye contact. He looks pained, but he gives you a nod and then moves to the back of the plane. 

Emily nudges your elbow from her seat next to yours. 

“You did good today. He’ll come around”, she tells you. 

“I really didn’t know that no one was informed of my transfer-”, you try to explain, but she stops you.

“I know better than anyone how you feel right now. As long as you do your job and are loyal to the team, everything’s going to be fine”. 

You nod. 

“Look, today was a rough case. We’re going for drinks when we land. Want to come?”, she offers.

You think about the report you’re about to write for Strauss tonight, detailing everything that just happened today. It’s going to take you hours to make sure it doesn’t incriminate anyone on the team. 

“No, I’m tired, but thanks. You guys have fun”.

On the drive home, you realise that you won’t ever be friends with them. You were a spy, even if you didn’t want to be. 

You had come here to escape. Instead, you had just traded one prison for another. 

————————————

Emily enters Penelope’s office to pick her up before drinks.

Penelope greets her with a guilty look.

“Ok. I did something, but don’t be mad. I looked into her file”.

“Pen!”

“What? She’s new, I don’t like new. And we don’t know anything about her. Don’t you want to know how she got hired without Hotch’s approval?”

Emily raises an eyebrow.

“I was hired without Hotch’s approval.”

Penelope gives her puppy eyes and Emily gives in.

“Fine. What did you find?”

The analyst practically lights up.

“Ok, so she graduated the FBI academy with high scores. Went straight to the Houston field office and she was very good at her job - excellent peer reviews and high scores on all of her evaluations”, Penelope starts, putting all of your personal data onto her screen. “Almost everything about her is perfect. Except-“, she clicks on a file. “About two months ago she suddenly requested a transfer to basically every department that was hiring and got rejected by almost all of them. Except ours”. 

Emily frowns. “She has stellar performance evaluations but no one wants to hire her? And why was she so desperate to transfer?”

“Yeah, I thought that was weird too, so I looked into it, but there’s nothing. Except that in her last month at Houston, she isn’t listed on a single one of their cases.”

“None?”

“It’s like she didn’t exist, but she was there every day, I checked her attendance and it’s flawless”.

Emily presses her lips together. She remembers how much she had tried to seal her own history. 

“I don’t think we should be looking anymore. If whatever happened isn’t in the database, then we aren’t meant to see it. She’ll tell us when she’s ready”.

Penelope looks apprehensive, but she closes the files. 

“She’s really nice! And she’s good, she helped us solve the case today”, Emily tries to convince the IT specialist. 

“I’m telling you something is fishy”.

Emily might not say it out loud, but she definitely agreed.

❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

Chapter 2

[ladycaramelswirl]

It Happened in Texas

masterlist

(on a mini hiatus while I figure out the plot. Am still posting other stuff, feel free to check out my main masterlist ❤︎)

Aaron Hotchner x Fem Reader

summary: you join the BAU, but the past just won’t leave you alone. slow burn enemies (to friends) to lovers. angst with a happy ending.

tags/warnings: Later chapters are rated E. This has many unrealistic scenarios - stuck in an elevator, only one bed etc. Sorry not sorry :) other than angst and smut it’s also crack comedy. Sue me.

❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎

warnings for smut: ❤️‍🔥

⭐︎ chapter 1: apparently you have a magnet for shitty bosses

⭐︎ chapter 2: five year olds are better than you (at making friends)

⭐︎ chapter 3: you’re not trying to get fired - it’s just raw talent

⭐︎ chapter 4: he’s so dreamy, it’s a problem (coming soon) ❤️‍🔥

⭐︎ chapter 5: i hate lying (coming soon)

⭐︎ chapter 6: so conference is a code, right? (coming soon) ❤️‍🔥

my main masterlist

[ladycaramelswirl]

Hi Hotch readers, holding you hostage for a vote again.

I added an original character to add a jealous Hotch scene in a Hotch x reader series and now the backstory is so long 🫠 (but I promise it makes the whole story better, it’s just that one chapter is very reader + OC centric)

Would an original character make you uninterested in a fic?

yes

no (as long as reader and Hotch get together it doesn’t matter)

It depends (comment below)

Voting ended onAug 21, 2024

(I’m so sorry for the tags, I know this isn’t what you’re looking for when you search them 😭😭. I just don’t know how else to reach the people who read them)

update: fuckkkkk skwiwhsv just spent hours writing a whole plot just to realise at the very end that I have a better idea? And the plot is totally unnecessary? I hate it here 😭

[ladycaramelswirl]

hi hotch readers!

(Hotch is keeping you captive until you finish reading this and vote below)

Soo I started editing the prologue to “a dream like you” and I’ve ended up with something akin to a 5+ part series 😭😭

Would you be interested in a multiple part Hotch x Reader series?

yes (more Hotch please)

no (too confusing when there’s too many parts)

no (I don’t like reading long fics)

Voting ended onAug 19, 2024

I mean I’ll write it anyway, but I want to know who actually wants to read it?

[ladycaramelswirl]

Please Vote Below! 👀

Grey’s Anatomy 🤝 Criminal Minds

(extremely traumatising season 8)

which have you watched?

only Criminal Minds

only Grey’s Anatomy

Both (I’m not okay mentally)

Neither (why😭)

Voting ended onAug 18, 2024

also please comment your favourite character from each show!! I’m trying to see something here 💀

[ladycaramelswirl]

A Dream Like You

Female reader x Aaron Hotchner

A/N: I did something… hormonal 💀 may delete later

summary: you and Aaron share a bed on a case. oh, also you’re both in love with each other and totally oblivious. And sexually frustrated 🫠

cw: Idk how ratings work but I’m pretty sure this is explicit. (sm*t?) No mention of Y/N! Also quite a bit of swearing, which is unusual for me.

A/N (main): this is my first time writing anything remotely sexual. It’s short! I was writing something completely different but it ended up as… idk what this is. Also I’m sorry for any typos. Enjoy 💀

————————————

You wake up to the most perfect warmth enveloping you. And the delightful smell of soap and a citrus scented laundry detergent. You sleepily bury your nose into the smell. Except the source of the smell is Aaron, who immediately startles awake at your movement, only to go completely still when he realises you’re the reason for the wonderful warmth pressed against him. He tries to move away but you pull him closer, pushing your breasts against his chest and your leg between his thighs, dangerously close to his now extremely hard cock.

You move against him in your sleep, rocking against his sensitive underside, causing him to moan. This was bad. So bad. He really needed you to wake up. 

“Hey”, he whispers.

“Mmm”, you mumble into your bedmates neck. “It’s so nice here. Don’t want to get up”. 

God you were killing him. He tries to move away, not wanting to disturb your much needed sleep, but you just hold onto him tighter. Were arms supposed to feel this good?

“Please wake up”, he pleads. You needed sleep, but if you kept rubbing against him, he was going come, and then things would be very very uncomfortable. He tries to shake you awake but you rock your hips against him again. 

“Fuck”, he hisses, pleasure rushing through him. Your sleepy mind finds immense satisfaction at his voice and starts moving against him harder. 

“Oh God”, he chokes. 

“You feel so good baby”, you whisper in his ear. You throb with desire. “I need you”, you whine, the friction from your movement sending you into a state of bliss. God you’ve never had a sex dream this good.

Aaron feels his heart race with your movement but it’s your words that cause him to get harder. How was he supposed to forget how you called him baby? He tries to shake you off. 

“You need to wake up. I-“, his words are cut off by an uncontrollable gasp of pleasure that escapes him. 

You feel desperate for the feeling of him inside you. “Fuck me. Please fuck me”, you beg. It takes all of Aaron’s willpower to push you off of him and he jams a pillow between you. He immediately gets on his feet, needing to get away from you. You let out a disappointed whimper and that’s all he can take before he rushes into the bathroom. He turns the water on in the shower before stepping under it, trying to get the cold water to cool him off. But nothing is helping. He wraps his fingers around his hard shaft, slowly moving it up and down. He grits his teeth together, the memory of your words making it almost impossible to not vocalise his pleasure, but you were still asleep and if you woke up, he’d have to explain why he was so flushed. So he tries his best to be quiet. Your voice plays in his head - “you feel so good baby”. He strokes himself faster. “I need you”. His knees buckle in pleasure. “Fuck me. Please”. His mind goes blank as he experiences an euphoric climax and his legs shake as his gratification covers the bathroom tile. Fuck. He’s never got himself off that fast. Shit. He just fucked himself thinking about you. He immediately feels a surge of guilt. He is your boss. He is not supposed to feel this way about you. And you had thought you were sleeping. He has no excuse for his behaviour. He towels himself off and checks his watch for the time. 4am. It’s too early to get up but he cannot get back into bed with you there so he gets dressed. He leaves a note explaining that he’s gone to the precinct to work on the case and that you should join later with everyone else, then quietly slips out of the room.

The sound of the door closing stirs you from your sleep. You reach for your nightstand to check your watch, but find nothing. The panic of being in a strange room makes you sit up and you remember that you’re in a hotel room on a case. You reach to the right for your watch again only to realise you’re not on the side of the bed you slept on. And that you’re alone but you hadn’t been when going to bed. You notice the note on his nightstand. Of course he was already up at 4am. Unless you had kicked him out of bed by rolling onto his side? Oh God, you hope not. And why did you feel so… sensitive? You notice the pillow between your thighs. You recall your dream, and his sounds of pleasure, groaning in frustration and burying your face in the pillow. Only you’re overwhelmed by the smell of Hotch. It’s enough to have you throbbing again. You’d just had a sex dream of your boss. While in bed within him. Why couldn’t you be attracted to anyone else? It was so embarrassing. And completely inappropriate. You had to pull yourself together. But you felt a desperate ache between your thighs. And the smell of him was overwhelmingly good. Before you can really think about what’s happening you bring one hand to your breast, palming yourself through your shirt and slip your other hand into your sleep shorts, rubbing your sensitive nub. Were dreams supposed to be that vivid? The memory of his body against yours has you imagining your fingers are his. You slip one finger inside, then two. His would be so much thicker, so filling. You throb against your digits at the thought. You can almost hear his moans. You fuck yourself harder. God it feels so good. 

“Yes Aaron”, you pant, and you’re not sure if you’re thankful that he’s not here. You pinch your nipples as you swipe at your sensitive bundle of nerves and suddenly remember the sound of him whimpering. It’s enough to make you see white. Your orgasm rips through you and you’re soaked in sweat by the time you come down from your high. You stare at the ceiling, contemplating when you’ve ever had an orgasm that good. Never.

You were so fucked.

———

A/N P.S. : I hope you liked it! should I post the writing that inspired this? It’s pretty much the opposite of this - far away from smut land and very much the capital of pining city. It’s much more my usual style. Anyway let me know what you think :)

Masterlist

[ladycaramelswirl]

definitely not old

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

A/N: Did I create an extremely improbable scenario just to suit my need to create another highly improbable scenario? Yes. Do I care that it’s unrealistic? No. Please forgive any typos/ grammatical errors. 

CW: suggestive content, but not explicit (like 15+?). Use of y/n one time. (Technically this would probably warrant one of those hostile workplace environment seminars like they had for Derek and Penelope. But it’s funny? Idk this isn’t serious.) Sassy Hotch. Crack plot tbh. 

Also I know the timeline doesn’t really make sense, because JJ is a profiler and Emily and Rossi exist, but I imagined Season 1 Spencer while writing this! I guess it’s 2005? Btw I do not know how tapes work, so just pretend it makes sense please. This is so unserious. 

Summary: reader wife and Hotch are private people; the BAU team is nosy. Spencer is just constantly in the right place at the wrong time. 

Enjoy!

——————

The screen in front of you depicted horror - just not the kind the BAU was used to. The UnSub had confessed to leaving a message in an old tape. He had already been arrested, but you were all hoping it might contain something that might help the conviction stick. Only he was extremely paranoid, so not only had he left the message in a code, but he had spliced it into a tape he thought people were least likely to watch. His p***. It was the last thing to do for the case and everyone was trying to help. You all sit at the round table, and Spencer shifts in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. Derek laughs at his shyness and Emily laughs at the very unrealistic movements. She and JJ tilt their heads at the shape the two on the screen have put themselves into. 

“That does not look comfortable”, JJ mocks. 

The words are out of your mouth before you think. “Trust me it’s not”. 

Everyone at the table snaps their heads to look at you. 

“Damn Mama”, Derek laughs. “Who are you doing these moves with?”

You try to hold back a laugh. You were not ready to share about your sex life with your colleagues, no matter how close you were. Plus you’re pretty sure Aaron would not appreciate it. 

“That is inappropriate workplace conversation”, you say, pausing the video. “And you’re going to miss the next series of code”, you tell him, trying to get him to revert his attention back to the video. Emily grins at your attempted evasion.

“We already got all the code. She just doesn’t want us to tell Hotch she’s capable of all that. Doesn’t want to make the old man feel bad”.

“He’s not old. He’s only 5 years older than you”, you remind her. She puts a hand on her chest in mock offense like you’ve stabbed her. You roll your eyes. “And this is still inappropriate”.

“So it wasn’t Hotch”, Derek laughs. 

“You’re just annoyed because you haven’t tried it yourself”, you deflect, moving to sit next to Spencer who seems to actually be doing his job. 

“I’ve seen her do yoga and she’s very flexible, so if she couldn’t do it I don’t think you can”, JJ tells Morgan. 

“Oh you have no idea what I’m capable of”, he teases, which earns laughs from around the table. “I’m better than the old man for sure”. They all start laughing and talking about you and Hotch. 

You roll your eyes. “Wasn’t old in bed last night”, you mutter under your breath. You startle at the sound of a book hitting the floor and see Spencer’s bright red face. JJ, Derek and Emily look over in curiosity at what they might have missed, but you ignore them, attempting to give Spencer an apology for making him uncomfortable. He moves to drink his coffee in an attempt to avoid more of the conversation. Only he chokes on it because Hotch enters the room. 

“Have you finished working out the code?”

Everyone’s heads snap to him - JJ, Emily and Derek wearing matching grins. Hotch eyes you patting a coughing Spencer’s back.

“Are you alright?”, he asks. 

“Yes! Good! I’m good!”, Spencer squeaks, afraid Hotch is going to ask him why he’s so nervous. Aaron looks to you for some answers but before you can tell him it’s nothing, Spencer suddenly stands up.

“Got the code! Going to call the local PD. DA is waiting”, he warbles before you all watch him run out of the room. Hotch turns back to the rest of you. 

“Well then that wraps it up. Go home now, get some rest”, he instructs. Everyone starts packing up. You and Hotch walk towards the door when he realises there’s only 6 of you in the room. 

“Where’s Dave?”, he asks.

You’re about to tell him Rossi went to the bathroom when the Italian walks back in. Rossi immediately notes the paused video.

“Wow that looks uncomfortable”, he remarks. Everyone smirks in your direction. Hotch snakes an arm around your waist and looks at the screen. Then at you. 

“It was, wasn’t it?”

He smiles at the jaws dropping to the floor. 

“Good night everyone”.

—————————

A little bonus scene:

In his office later:

“You heard us talking before you came in the room didn’t you”, you question your husband. He was so private, he wouldn’t have said something like that otherwise. 

“They called me old”, Aaron grumbles, but his tone is amused. “Just wanted to shock them a little”.

You make your way over to his side of the desk, pulling him to stand up beside you. 

“Well Agent Hotchner, I have to tell you, there’s been some speculation about your performance”, you taunt. “Care to prove them wrong?”

“Last night wasn’t enough proof?”, he laughs raising an eyebrow. You run your hands up his chest and behind his neck, pulling him close. 

“The results were inconclusive”, you tease. He grabs your hips and traps you between himself and his desk, his mouth trailing kisses down your jaw. 

“Well I can’t have that kind of speculation going around”, he murmurs into your skin. Your breath hitches from the sensation of his lips on the sensitive spot on your neck. But instead of continuing, he pulls away and meets your eyes in a conspiratorial grin. “We should do an in house evaluation as soon as possible”.

You open your mouth to reply when the door swings open, Spencer finding you sandwiched between Hotch’s thighs and your blouse rumpled. His mouth drops open and suddenly all 187 iq points mean nothing when his brain loses function.

“Oh- I- um- sorry!”, he manages before running away. You stare at the slammed door then back at Aaron and burst into giggles. He drops his head to your shoulders and sighs. 

“I feel like a teenager”, he groans.

“At least you don’t feel old.”

—————————

Bonus bonus: 

Still in the conference room: 

“I want to go back to 10 minutes ago when I didn’t know this information”, Emily moans. 

“I think I need 5 more minutes before I can form a coherent thought”, JJ laughs in disbelief. Spencer walks back in.

“I finished my report. Where’s Hotch and y/n? Can we go home?”

“Probably doing it in his office for all we know”, Derek mutters.

Spencer’s brows furrow in confusion. “Doing what in his office?”

Rossi raises an eyebrow at Emily. “Is this kid serious?”

She shrugs back at him. 

“Spence, Hotch says we can go home. But you should probably report about what local PD told you before you go”, JJ tells him.

Spencer nods and makes his way to Hotch’s office. The rest of the team watch him walk away.

“You think we should have told him to knock before going in?”

“Probably.”

The sound of a high pitch yelp and the slam of an office door echo down the hallway. 

“Oops.”

——————

thank you for reading :)

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