shifted to my better cr last night:
properly this time. i didn’t see myself in the bathroom mirror and freak out and shift back like last time. (pats myself on the back)
i was there for two days, and when i shifted back here, i had a good and long sob session. let me explain: seeing this version of my cr mom who wasn’t held back by patriarchy, the version who actually got to pursue her passions? it was... i don’t even know how to put that into words. i mean its not like we aren't happy in our cr. but it was enlightening to see regardless.
she was thriving. she had her own restaurant business, sharing her amazing cooking with people who appreciated it, with lines around the block. she was glowing. and our relationship there? fuck, it was everything i ever wanted. we got to go out together, just us girls, seeing her buy whatever she wanted, living her life to the fullest, not, “that’s too expensive,” or worse, “we can’t afford two, why don’t you get it for yourself.” those words used to break my heart when i was little. she was always so self-sacrificing, always the one to offer food off her plate, to skip the vacation, to work full time while raising two kids, especially my angsty ass - the woman is a goddess who deserves everything and more.
and my dad? in my cr, when i was a kid, he missed out on this huge opportunity. like, life-changing for future generations kind of opportunity. it used to be his one big regret. the kindest and smartest man i know who never let anyone hold him back was held back by fate. and in my better cr, he got the opportunity. everything he worked toward paid off; he got to pursue his teaching passion in a space that appreciated him.
which meant my sibling and i weren’t separated, we grew up together, really together. we knew each other’s passions, insecurities; we celebrated life together and cried together.
my better cr wasn’t even that high on my list of places to shift to. its also the one i hadn’t scripted much for, just my old void list - but i hadn't even looked at that thing in a year and when i checked pretty much everything had come true. i feel like i’ve been healed in a way i wasn’t even expecting.
also for how i shifted, i usually don't focus on this but it was so weird(for me anyway i don't have that much successes with wbtb) that i need to keep a record of it. i had woken up like i usually do at like 4ish am. normally i get on my phone immediately. this morning, it was raining, it was so pleasant and the chill in the air felt amazing, so i kinda just laid there, and thought about how perfect everything felt. i don't know when i drifted off but i woke up there.
leaving this here while i go cry some more. i’m so permashifting there it’s not even funny.
germansingergirl
yousharknotpass
dailybridgerton
vaporwave
